Jezebel
crappy hour
Posts Tagged “
Peggy Noonan
”
crappy hour
waiting for death
Do You "Feel" Your Age? Does Anyone?
If you didn't know how old you were, how old would you feel? This is not a trick question, but one posed by WoWoWow, the website targeted at old ladies, ha ha ha. Columnist Peggy Noonan says she feels 37; gossip Liz Smith feels 28; Joan Juliet Buck says 11 — she works at Vogue so go fig — and my answer is obviously "not old enough" because for eight years now I have been unburdened by the desire to lie about my age, which is why I'm glad there are old comment-whores like Stella Lazar still on the lookout for blogger cons. "I like the age I am — in 25 days I will be 71 — NONE OF YOU WOULD ADMIT YOUR AGES — you all live in outer-space!," she wrote on the website, adding snarkily, "And, looking at your illustration with this question I think you are living in the last millenium — it looks dated and terrible as do your photographs which are so retouched and most of them look like wax figures from Tussauds." For the record, Peggy is 58, Liz Smith is 85, Joan Juliet Buck is in her sixties (I think), and I am 29 with the attention span of a four-year-old, the liver of a Korean War veteran and the musical taste of a late-blooming teenager. More »
news roundup
The Obama Attack Ad Too "Extreme" For John McCain!
- "They're not listening to me because they're out of touch with reality and the Republican Party. We are the party of Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan and this kind of campaigning is unacceptable. I've done everything that I can to repudiate and to see that this kind of campaigning does not continue." That's the seventysomething presumptive nominee for the Republican presidential candidate, who may just be sufficiently out of touch with the party of Strom Thurmond, Tom DeLay and Dick Cheney to win the election, on the not-so-subtle Obama attack ad you can watch after the jump. [Reuters]
- And you fucking know what? We'll be bombing Iran and the hedge funds will have figured out how to directly short-sell human life but at least we will have a president who wants to put an end to this shit. [WSJ]
- Here's an inspiring story for those of you who have ever been fired and worry you'll never get another job in this economy (what with consumer confidence at a 26-year-low) because you have a criminal record and/or lost your last company $7 billion or something like that: Jerome Kerviel got a job! [WSJ]
crappy hour
We're Headed To Philly Tonight!
Megan and I are convening in Murderdelphia tonight for tomorrow's Pennsylvania primary! This morning a seven-alarm fire reminded everyone once more there used to be an economy there. Now there are too many vacant buildings and not enough crackheads to fill them. Five murders happened over the weekend in Philly. Chelsea Clinton submitted her ass to a fag hag gang grope. Michael Moore endorsed Barack Obama. The railroad industry made a comeback. The Pope made some speeches. Jeremiah Wright is going on TV. Some Republican told other Republicans to forget Reagan. Jimmy Carter won't make it so easy on you! Obama said he thought John McCain would be better than Bush. (Maybe because the Walnuts' stubborn refusal to wear a flag pin dovetails with his own 1960s radicalism?) And number one Jezecrush Thomas Frank got a weekly column in the Wall Street Journal. "The landmark political fact of our time is the replacement of our middle-class republic by a plutocracy," he wrote. "If some candidate has a scheme to reverse this trend, they've got my vote, whether they prefer Courvoisier or beer bongs spiked with cough syrup." There's a thought to drank to! His new book is called The Wrecking Crew. More »
crappy hour
Are You There, God? It's Your Favorite Client, Messiah Barry Hussein Obama
Barack Obama thinks the new Pope is hustling the opiate of the masses. But it's the opiate that kept him off his cokehead ways so it's okay! Hillary thinks the potential for life begins at conception, and that Obama is an elitist. Is it possible that the second coming of the Messiah is also the reincarnation of Karl Marx? Is it possible that some countries can only subsist on dirt and opiates for so long? Are we talking about Marx when we should be talking about Malthus and stockpiling guns? Barack Obama seems to think so, and guess what? We agree. In Jezebel's deepest spiritual discussion since I wrote about how being a Libra made me believe in God, the inimitable Megan and I discuss the papacy, fave hymns, and how cool it would be if Jesus came back as a Palestinian stand-up comedian.More »
nosplice:3
Senator Bob Casey Crowns Barack Obama Savior Of Pennsylvania Fetuses!
Some days I love Pennsylvania. Like: I love how the Victorian liquor laws actually mean good wine is cheaper there. I love how they still have a mob. I love how no one in Pennsylvania would tell you that being a state senator is no big whup. I love how I would regularly bite into a Tastykake from the office vending machine wherein the filling had essentially fermented from lack of preservatives. Where else would the black reform-minded mayor of Philly endorse Hillary Clinton? Where else would you get Amish coke traffickers selling to motorcycle gangs? And where else would the Catholic white pro-life political scion machine-made senator suddenly decide to embark on a hope-filled bus trip with the black socialist candidate? I'll bet he was just "inspired." Pennsylvania: it's the "Everything Seems Possible Where Nothing Is Possible" state. Megan and I discuss that and The Iraq, along with whether Condi Rice is black, whether John McCain is smart, whether Hillary can ...blah blah. Happy Friday! Click for that and hot Efraim's MySpace profile and more Green Zone/T-Zone analogies. Oh, and an EXCLUSIVE dispatch from an Obama speech to rich people.More »
crappy hour
Pat Buchanan Thinks You Should Be More Thankful For Slavery, Barry Obama
Pat Buchanan is entreating the black people of America to be more grateful to America bringing them here in "slave ships." I mean, they got welfare and methadone maintenance and forced Christianity and eventually the right to consider themselves fully human! Where is the gratitude, black people? And no, that is not my word; it's all Pat's. And the news of the day does not get much more uplifting. Remember that guy who founded that (ingeniously named, I might add) anti-Hillary 527 Citizens United Not Timid? Speaking of cunts he outed Eliot Spitzer because they fuck some of the same ones, which is to say those of high class whores, and also he has a tattoo of Richard Nixon. Cunts are a theme today actually, because the Washington Post spent 24 hours following the 24-hour news cycle on the day Jane Fonda said the word "cunt" on TV, an exercise that seemed profoundly depressing, and speaking of depressing 4,000 Americans have officially given their lives to the Iraq and the only uplifting thing is that Peggy Noonan found Obama's speech uplifting. She actually sat there and thought, Go America, Go. Was it the first and last time in our adult lives any of us will have that thought? Hint: Likely! Megan Carpentier of Glamocracy and I depress one another after the jump. Happy Easter folks! More »
crappy hour
Ashley Alexandra Dupre: What The World Needs Now? Or Just "What We Want"?
Oh no, really? Another day of this? Doesn't she get old? (No!) So what, did they talk to her pimp or something? Is her song the most-downloaded thing on some website somewhere? Did Penthouse come calling? Whatever it was, the guy who owns my deli was checking out my Daily News when I came back from picking up coffee this morning, so I guess it's just ..."what we want," so to speak. (I'd say, you know, "DO NOT WANT," but for fear of using "dated slang.") Why Glamocracy Megan and I would still, even though we are whores, rather trade places with Silda Spitzer than Ashley Alexandra Dupre, what Obama should say about his crazy pastor, and OMG those Iraqi soldiers they're interviewing on CNN are hottt, after the jump. More »
crappy hour
Why Vote Obama When Everyone Knows He'll Be Hillary's Number Two?
Monday. Lost sleep. Little Saturday win for Obama. Lots of winsome rhetoric from Clinton. Weeks more to come. We are tired. Beaten-down. Another convoluted 900-page insider account of the lead-up to war. Heavy sigh. And now this: Bill Clinton insisting, assuring America that a Hillary-Obama ticket will be unstoppable, inevitable. Inevitable. That word again! Was it inevitable all along? Oh, probably. The team that will say anything to win, wins. Oh look what Megan just unearthed! It's the text of a 2005 speech by Hillary R Clinton. Abortion is "a sad, even tragic choice to many, many women. There is no reason why government cannot do more to educate and inform and provide assistance so that the choice guaranteed under our constitution either does not ever have to be exercised or only in very rare circumstances." Sigh. Really? Is this the person you want answering the red phone at 3 a.m. (which should really be 2 a.m., but anyway...) Isn't there something sad (if not quite tragic) about that? That and a brief discussion of the movie Ghost World, with me and Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier, after the jump. More »
web oversights
Over-40 Women's Website Is Destined For Failure
There's a big splashy article in today's New York Times about the launch of Wowowow.com, a new website for women over 40 founded by NY Post gossip dowager Liz Smith, former presidential speechwriter Peggy Noonan, ex-Simon and Schuster president Joni Evans, 60 Minutes correspondent Leslie Stahl, and ad exec Mary Wells. The site, a sort of upscale alternative to iVillage, is described as "a virtual Le Cirque," where the aforementioned media matriarchs — along with contributors like Candice Bergen, Lily Tomlin, Whoopi Goldberg, and ex-Vogue editor Joan Juliet Buck — will "trade on their celebrity and sophistication." The thing is, this focus on the founders' celebrity and sophistication is exactly why their site will fail: These women are looking to form a community of sharp, like-minded women over forty, but they all seem to share the totally condescending attitude of Vogue-ette Buck, who tells Rosenbloom, "iVillage has always puzzled me...I love the idea but it's like Macy's or something." More »
broadsides
Men Like Bobby Cutts Are More Common Than You'd Think
- Lest you think that the murder of 8-months-pregnant Jessie Davis at the hands of this man is an anomaly, think again. Homicide is the second-leading cause of death among pregnant women. [ABCNews]
- More sobering news about women and reproduction: Childbirth itself leads to the death of one woman every minute of every day somewhere in the world. [Newsweek]
- A 24-year-old man who raped a 10-year-old will be freed in just four months, thanks in part to a judge who claimed the girl had dressed provocatively and looked older than she was. [Guardian]
- Appealing to the female electorate is of prime importance for Hillary Clinton, election experts keep reminding us. Also important? According to former Reagan speechwriter Peggy Noonan, Hillary needs to "prove she's a woman". [Telegraph]
