• Christian Bale looks dirty and hot on the cover of the new EW! Inside, he talks about that infamous rant that was so popular it got turned into a dance remix:

''I don't care to go into details because, you know what, I don't believe in making excuses,'' he says. ''It doesn't matter. It was unacceptable. I went too far. And I learned from it.'' He continues: "I was surprised at myself hearing it back. These things happen, and you don't realize how long you're going in the heat of the moment. I would just say: inexcusable, my fault, yes, I did it, no excuses." As for apologizing on the radio, he did so because: "I was being told how it had gone like wildfire, and I was worried that it could completely overwhelm the movie itself. There's so much hard work that's gone into this. We had 77 days of smooth running and four minutes of me just going way too far - and that shouldn't characterize the making of the movie. My concern was that people would unfairly judge the movie based on my bad behavior." More at the link! [EW]

• Uh-oh: Gerard Butler has been charged with misdemeanor battery after a "run-in" with a paparazzo on October 7. He's not required to appear in court. [USA Today]
• Natalie Portman is still seeing Sean Penn, and just bought a gothic mansion in L.A. What does it mean? [Page Six]
• The uncle and grandmother of the little girl Madonna was trying to adopt are seeking legal action against the man who claims he is the child's father. [Mirror]
• Terry Gilliam is hoping Heath Ledger will will a second posthumous Oscar for his film, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. [NY Mag]
• Christian Bale says his daughter will not be an actress: "Amateur is absolutely fine, but no way professionally. I've seen the way that unfortunately some kids are unhappy in those situations. There's no way I'd put my daughter through that." [Daily Mail]
• Ben Stiller, his wife Christine Taylor and Ricky Gervais toured the White House yesterday. President Obama was in New Mexico. [Reuters]
• Oprah now has 1 million followers on Twitter. Are you one of them? [Business Insider]
• It seems that Britney's dad punched Sam Lutfi in the chest at some point last year, but he was "provoked" and trying to "protect" Brit. [TMZ]
• Of course TMZ has screen shots from the surveillance video of the attempted break-in at Lindsay Lohan's house. If you want to see a Dodge Magnum station wagon and two guys doing something shady, go ahead and click. [TMZ]
• "Lindsay Lohan finally lands another acting gig - but can she behave on set?" [NY Daily News]
• Will Pink and Carey Hart have another wedding, even though they never really got divorced? "I love a party," Pink tells Ellen. [People]
• Magician Criss Angel is an alleged cat thief. [Page Six]
• Kelly Osbourne has written a book! "It's more of a self-help book for young women, the 13 major things that will happen to you before you turn 21 and what I did - most of them not right - and my advice and what I would have done differently." [Mirror]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: Ashlee Simpson is pregnant with her second child. [PopCrunch]
• Guess who is getting a role in a West End musical, thanks to Andrew Lloyd Webber? Ms. Susan Boyle. [Telegraph]
• Why did Shanna Moakler resign from the Miss California USA Organization? "The turning point for me, I guess, was when I was watching the Today show and [Carrie Prejean] was sitting there continuing to lie. And it's obvious to everybody that the lying is still going on. I just couldn't stand behind her." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: Coming in 2011? Bridget Jones The Musical. [Daily Mail]
• Jane Krakowski wants Barack Obama to be on 30 Rock: "We've had Steve Martin. We've had Oprah. We've had Jerry Seinfeld. We've had all these great musical greats. Let's just go for the big guns now." [E!]
• Speaking of 30 Rock, Judah Friedlander and Alec Baldwin are both working on interesting side projects. [NY Times]
• Last week's "Motherlover" video Andy Samberg made with Justin Timberlake wasn't finished until 3 a.m. Saturday — hours before it would air. Samberg hopes to make a video with host Will Ferrell this week! [USA Today]
• What's this? More Scrubs? With Zach Braff and Sarah Chalke signing on? [E!]
• Ew: "Desperate Jordan has sent hubby Peter Andre a string of begging text messages pleading: 'If you let me come back I'll be like a wild animal in bed again.'" [The Sun]
• Eighteen years after winning an Oscar in Silence Of The Lambs, Sir Anthony Hopkins will play Hannibal Lecter again. Will Cate Blanchett play the FBI agent? [Daily Express]
• The Jonas Brothers have postponed shows in Mexico because of the swine flu. [Reuters]
• This article has interesting details about Steven Soderbergh's new film, The Girlfriend Experience; some scenes were improvised: "For instance, a scene where Mr. Santos's character interviews for a job at a gym was done in a single take. Mr. Soderbergh says he simply set up two cameras and instructed Mr. Santos and the gym's actual manager to do a mock interview. 'I just said, 'try and get a job from this guy. See if you can convince him to give you a job.' The exchange lasted about eight minutes, and was edited down to a one minute scene in the final version of the film. 'My experience has been, the more takes you do, the worse it gets,' says Mr. Soderbergh." [WSJ]
• California health regulators have fined the hospital where employees snooped in the medical records of Nadya Suleman, to the tune of $250,000. [LA Times]
• Erin Lucas, who is Whitney Port's BFF on The City, is talking shit about Kristin Cavallari, new star of The Hills. Lauren is such a genuine girl. She wears her heart on her sleeve, and she was real with the whole thing. I don't think Kristin is on that level. Wasn't Kristin like all gung-ho about being an actress? I mean, I read interviews last week, for that matter, where she's quoted making fun of the show and trashing it and saying she would never be a part of it. So to go from trashing a show, to go on and replace the girl you fucked over in high school…I don't see it going anywhere pretty." And who are you again? [E!]
• Lyrics from Peaches (not Geldof — electro Peaches!): "I drink a whiskey neat/You lick my crow's feet/Coming up to see me like I was Mae West/less like Tina/but I'm simply the best/Call me Robyn Cradel/baby baby be my guest." In this interview, she says: "I'm going to make aging cool." [NY Daily News]
• Holly Madison will replace Kelly Monaco in the "sultry" Las Vegas revue, Peepshow, which Mel B. also appears in. Although there are topless dancers in the show, neither Mel nor Holly will be barechested. [People]
• "Why George Harrison begged one young fan to stop throwing Jelly Babies at The Beatles." [Daily Mail]
• Farrah Fawcett loves Van Morrison, so the musician filmed his recent shows so he could give copies to Fawcett to watch while she's home in bed, fighting cancer. [E!]
• "Farrah's Story is as much about becoming aware of our own mortality as it is seeing a cultural icon fight the disease." [MSNBC]
• Even though they have been together for nearly 20 years, Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett never got married, but he says he would do it now: "She's still a little bit hesitant. I'm working though, I'm working." [Mirror]
• Ryan O'Neal says of Farrah: "I kind of wish that she would go to sleep, just go to sleep. It's not my right, but I just don't see how she could be happy." [NY Daily News]
• Candy Spelling has known Farrah Fawcett for over 30 years — Aaron Spelling produced Charlie's Angels — and Candy says of Farrah Fawcett's cancer: "When I first heard, I don't know if it was a year or two years ago when we first heard, and I contacted her. I hadn't talked to her in a while. She said, 'I'm going to be alright, Candy. Everything is going to be all right.'" [CNN]
• Anna Friel of Pushing Daisies will play Holly Golightly in a new stage adaptation of Breakfast At Tiffany's in London. [Variety]
• Blind item! "Which troubled young starlet was caught doing lines with her new bestie at a hot NYC club?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I probably haven't worn my heart on my sleeve like this since the second Cranberries album." — Dolores O'Riordan. [USA Today]
• "I wasn't intending to do a popular television series. I was intending to do film and theatre. I got waylaid a little. Since that's over, I've got back to doing what I originally intended to do." — Gillian Anderson, whom you may know as Dana Scully, but who is starring in A Doll's House on the stage in London. [Daily Express]
• "I really believe on a daily basis that there's a line of communication between me and my dogs which we haven't defined yet. I really talk to them. And I also talk to my guinea pig, Mr James, every single morning. I sit and watch him on that wheel every day, trying to answer the question that is: 'Do they do it for exercise? Or do they think they're going to reach a destination?' Because that's a terrible metaphor for all of us. Because that's all life is perhaps? Nobody is gonna tell you the truth like I do." — Dustin Hoffman. [Independent]
• "I think Dan Brown is a terribly bad writer, but he has cliffhangers after every chapter which makes you continue reading. It's like eating peanuts at a bar. You don't like them, but you keep on eating them anyway." — Stellan Skarsgard, who only took a park in Angels & Demons because the script was different from the book. [Newser via AP]
• "To me, 10 o'clock is like the new 11:30. I hear more and more people, even young people, say 'I can't stay up past 11. I car pool, I gotta get up at 6.'" — Jay Leno. [CNN]
• "He always had the most ridiculous fashion. When it came to hairstyles he would have blow-dried hair like the Bay City rollers, then an awful perm. When he was 14 he tried to grow a moustache." — Simon Cowell's brother Nicholas. [The Sun]
• "Her boyfriend Tony Romo is one of my favourite quarterbacks. So I felt kinda conflicted doing the Jessica thing. Jessica got fat. I mean, not really fat, but she certainly got fat for, well, Jessica Simpson. I've always wanted people to be able to look at each video and go 'oh remember what was going on at that moment.' You know what I mean? 'Oh, that's when Jessica Simpson got fat, oh OK.' And even if she gets thin again, that's fine. Just for that moment in time, she was fat." — Eminem. [Mirror]
• "People were telling me, 'Christian, you're too good for Terminator.' And I'm thinking, I'm too good? I'm not a snob. I really fucking enjoy watching a good action movie. Who do you think I am?!'' — Christian Bale. [EW]
• "Being a mom makes me feel whole and like I understand the meaning of life." — Rebecca Romijn, to In Style. [People]

• Justin Timberlake will attempt to finish what Ann Curry started: He'll head to Tanzania and climb Mount Kilimanjaro.

Timberlake's goal is to raise awareness of the global water crisis. Rapper Lupe Fiasco and singer Kenna are going with him (?!). He says: "I've been training four times a week to get my VO2 (oxygen consumption) levels up to expand my lungs. We'll climb a week straight, carrying 30 pounds on our backs. It's going to be intense, but it's going to be so rewarding. We're going to be ready for it." [Mirror via GQ]

• High times: Amy Winehouse and Snoop Dogg collaborated last year, but were too stoned to finish the tracks! [The Sun]
• But Amy has been getting all detoxed in St. Lucia — she does a lot of mud treatments to draw out impurities. [TMZ]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are mentioned as a cheap ploy for attention in this beyond stoopid press release. [Breitbart]
• Mel Gibson has "fled" to Costa Rica with his "mystery blonde." [Daily Express]
• Why hasn't Eminem been on the scene for three years? He's been on drugs. He says: "I wasn't ready mentally. I wasn't ready to give up the drugs. I didn't think that I had a problem. Basically, I went in, and I came out. I relapsed, and I spent the next three years struggling with it. Also, at that time, I felt like I wanted to pull back, because my drug problem had got so bad." He was also impacted by the death of his friend Proof: "I think it kind of hit me so hard. It just blindsided me. I just went into such a dark place that, with everything, the drugs, my thoughts, everything. And the more drugs I consumed, and it was all depressants I was taking, the more depressed I became, the more self-loathing I became." [XXL via The Sun]
• ZOMG Lindsay and Sam ran into each other. [Page Six]
• This report insinuates that Justin Long is super into Drew Barrymore, while she's all, we're just friends. [Gatecrasher]
• Kate Moss had to cut short a vacay in the Maldives because her boyfriend and her gal pal weren't getting along. [Daily Mail]
• Jennifer Aniston and Steve Zahn have a sex scene in the new movie Management. But poor Jen still can't escape being compared to Angelina; this column notes: "While it's no Mr. & Mrs. Smith, let's just say Mike (Zahn) ends up with his shirt off and his pants down to his ankles and Sue (Aniston) on her back on top of a table." [E!]
• The producers of Slumdog Millionaire have donated $740,000 to children living in Indian slums. [People]
• Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia has renewed Martha Stewart's contract and will pay Martha Stewart at least $2 million for the next three years so she can continue living as Martha Stewart. [WSJ]
• Even though In Touch reported that Kate Hudson would be on , she apparently doesn't "do" TV. The rumor is "not true," says her rep. [E!]
• Matthew Perry on Lost? "It is not true," says Perry. "I really don't know why those rumors have been floating about. I have admitted I am a Lost junkie. And at the press junket for [17 Again] I was asked what my favorite TV show was and I said [Lost], so maybe that's how they started." [EW]
• Mandy Moore got help for her new acoustic rock album Amanda Leigh from her "in-home teacher," husband Ryan Adams. [Mirror]
• Lady GaGa rocked the gay bash known as the Palm Springs White Party. She has said: "I love the gay community. Like bleeding heart love the gay community…it's a genuine love I have for them." [NBC Bay Area]
• Audrina on her new reality show: "It's my life after The Hills, my journey. It's going to be a little spicier, edgier, older." We think this means drunken makeout sessions. [People]
• Keisha Knight Pulliam, aka Rudy from The Cosby Show, is getting her own reality show on Oxygen, which involves her live-in boyfriend and will "explore what it's like to be "young, rich, single and co-habitating." The show will be called "Keisha and Kaseem." [AP]
• Guess who else is getting a reality show? Fantasia Barrino. [Reuters]
• Which Idol judge should go: Kara or Paula? [MSNBC]
• It seems that Bruce Springsteen is the "victim" in that NJ divorce scandal where the wife was calling him the other man in her marriage. A source says: "The wife pestered Bruce, but he didn't have an affair with her. He's freaked out that he was named in her divorce because he barely knows her." [National Enquirer]
• Daniel Radcliffe says the kissing scene between Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley is awkward: "Harry's got a real thing for her, and that is slightly odd because when we met I was 11 and she was nine." [Telegraph]
• Speaking of Harry Potter, the Half Blood Prince flick will open two days sooner. [NY Daily News]
• Uh, they are really squeezing the life out of this franchise: There will be a 5th Fast and Furious film. [NY Daily News]
• Miss USA contestants will wear swimsuits from the Jessica Simpson Collection Sunday night. [NY Daily News]
• Real Housewife Jill Zarin had a breast reduction and "feels 20 lbs lighter." [Page Six]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs has just been cast in a Judd Apatow flick, along with Elisabeth Moss and Rose Byrne. Get Him To The Greek stars Jonah Hill and Russell Brand, and the gist of it is that a record label intern (Hill) is hired to get an out-of-control rock star (Brand) from London to a gig at the Greek Theater in L.A. While it might have been interesting if things were shaken up a bit, Diddy plays the record label boss while Moss and Byrne play girlfriends. Of course. [Hollywood Reporter]
• David Duchovny and Tea Leoni are so back on they have matching tattoos now. [Daily Express]
• Catherine Keener has been cast in a fantasy/adventure flick called Percy Jackson, in which she will play a mom whose son is half human (his father is Poseidon). [Hollywood Reporter]
• Here's a profile on legendary producer Jon Peters, whose memoir is "filled with outrageous tales of Jack Nicholson and hookers, and Barbara Walters in her undies." he may have told a room of people that Baba Wawa had "a great rack and nice ass." [The Daily Beast]
• After saying that he "totally understands OJ" Simpson, Hulk Hogan has issued a statement, claiming he "in no way condones the OJ situation. As part of a larger conversation, he referred to it to exemplify his frustration with his own situation." [ET]
• Meanwhile Linda Hogan says she is "taking these recent comments seriously." [ET]
• "Electroclash godmother Peaches and voodoo loving rave producer Drums of Death get together in the latest issue of Dazed & Confused to talk about drugs, power ballads, performance art, their favourite fancy dress costumes, and working together on her new album I Feel Cream." [Dazed Digital]
• Former "pin-up" Heather Thomas has written a novel called Trophies, about Hollywood wives and fundraising. She says: "I researched this and found these wives are responsible for directing about 80 percent of the foundation monies in America. It is the wives who have the time and can draw things to their husband's attention. Trophy wives are seen as charms on a man's arm, but I have come in contact with a lot of billionaires and their wives are busy and often have PhDs and are brilliant businesswomen. I've yet to meet a bimbo trophy wife." [Reuters]
• A former publicist for James Brown is suing for control of his estate. [USA Today]
• Actress Tawny Kitaen has settled a fraud suit against her ex, so you can go back to not thinking about her. [AP]
• Blind item! "Which funnyman doesn't even bother to hide his drug habit? When pals come to visit his pad, they're just as likely to see baggies of cocaine lying around as they are to see throw pillows." [Gatecrasher]
• "Your blob [sic] is very funny and clever. You have so much fun with it. No wonder everyone loves it." — Diablo Cody's mom. [Page Six]
• "When the show started it was such a different beast. It was exciting and dangerous and funny and edgy and bizarre. [Then] it started feeling a little complacent, and that was very frustrating… When you have a jewel, why not polish it and put it out there for all to see?" — Nicolette Sheridan on Desperate Housewives, which she felt never gave her character enough attention. (Her last episode airs Sunday.) [LA Times]
• "Edie's already slept with most of the guys on the street and has caused about as many problems as she could. We will find a new kind of sexiness coming through Wisteria Lane. What I won't do is cast another fortysomething sexy blonde. [Sheridan] performed the aging neighborhood tramp better than anyone has ever done before." — Desperate Housewives creator Marc Chery. [LA Times]
• "I think a wedding is about love, friends, family and fun. I think spending millions of dollars on a wedding is ridiculous and it has never been my dream. I would never do that." — Salma Hayek, denying she is planning an extravagant $2 million ceremony to follow her City Hall nuptials in February. [People]
• "I think this movie presents the relationship between the media and the government - and it's kind of interesting because it says that the institutions are both a little bit corrupt." — Ben Affleck, on State Of Play. [LA Times]
• "I have a little blog that I do with some friends, but beyond that, I'm kind of clueless when it comes to the Internet. I just got e-mail down pat. So I've got to speed it up, I guess. But I tend to get my news from the radio. I don't know why, it's just the way I like it." — Rachel McAdams. [LA Times]
• "I kind of value having people not know where I am or what I'm doing." — Zac Efron, who avoids MySpace and Facebook. [Reuters]
• "I have never seen that (From Justin to Kelly), other than the time I had to sit through it at the premiere. I was contractually obligated to, and I fought that with tears - I did not want to do that movie." — Kelly Clarkson. [MSNBC Scoop via Rolling Stone]

The online features editor at Radar — until it was snapped up by American Media (owner of the National Enquirer, Star, and Shape) last year — Paige is now a self-described "poster-girl for unemployment," with her post-Radar life chronicled in The New York Times, Time Out New York, and the New York Post.

She has a less-than-scholarly obsession with teen lit, Sex and the City, and is especially proud of her editing work on a special feature about a fish that makes you shit orange. Please give the farmer's daughter — she grew up on a peach orchard! — a warm welcome.

• Is Ashley Olsen getting married? The National Enquirer thinks so. It'll happen on the French Riviera next summer; she wants Karl Lagerfeld to make the dress and Annie Leibovitz to take the pix. Oh, the hubs-to-be is boyfriend Justin Bartha. [Daily Express]
• Ryan Reynolds ran the NYC marathon! His time? 3 hours and 50 minutes, faster than he anticipated. "It was an incredible experience," he says. He was asked how he'd celebrate and claimed: "I'll probably celebrate by eating my own body weight in raw dough." [People]
• Heh, things were "frosty" between Tina Fey and John McCain on Saturday Night Live. [MSNBC]
• A "crazed" Madonna fan stormed on to the set of Guy Ritchie's new movie and threatened to kill him. The teenager had a knife and was shouting, "I love Madonna." He was arrested, though if he were cast in Guy Ritchie's movie, that would be believable. [Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's kids went trick-or-treating in Malibu on Friday. Maddox was a Marine; Zahara was a Jolly Green Giant; Shiloh was a sheriff. Need pix!!! [Star Magazine]

• Ooh, check out Angelina's eyes on the cover of British Harper's Bazaar. [ONTD]
• The head of rap label Def Jam died Saturday: Shakir Stewart, who succeeded Jay-Z as VP in June, committed suicide. [Reuters]
• Daniel Craig talks about his arm: "I tore my shoulder when we were making Casino Royale and it started to ache during Quantum Of Solace. I went to see a surgeon and had reconstructive surgery - I had six pins put in. So now I can't really move my arm and it's a little painful, but I'm having physio every day, and it's healing well." [Daily Mail]
• Lindsay Lohan will have her deposition videotaped in Samantha Ronson's ongoing lawsuit against her former attorney. She has a lot of conditions, though, and wants the transcripts to be destroyed when the case is over. [E!]
• Lindsay was supposed to host the World Music Awards in Monaco next weekend, but she's been replaced by, um, Denise Richards. Downgrade! [Mirror]
• Simon Cowell and girlfriend Terri Seymour: Dunzo. She ended it after 6 years. Want to guess who doesn't believe in marriage? [Newser.com]
• After Terri broke up with him, Simon allegedly said "Thank God! " [Daily Mail]
• Terri wanted kids, Simon did not. [Mirror]
• Simon also says: "You know, the most incredible thing I’ve seen on TV for absolutely ages was the Sarah Palin/Joe Biden debate. I watched it for an hour and there wasn’t one second I wasn’t completely riveted. I would love to bring the concept of the American presidential debate to Britain. I know I could engage the audience, get people involved." [Daily Mail]
• Peaches Geldof walked out of a London store with an item of clothing draped over her arm and didn't pay for it. A shopkeeper ran out and confronted Peaches, who said it was an accident. Apparently this is the fourth time she's walked out of a store without paying for clothes, although it seems like she always has a good excuse. [Mirror]
• Joaquin Phoenix, who is retiring from acting, might be back on drugs: He was "out of it" at a tribute to Paul Newman last week in San Francisco. Grief-stricken, maybe? [Page Six]
• Peaches' husband's band has a new single, "She Loves Everybody," about a controlling, insecure girl who craves affection. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse has gained weight and is trying to stop smoking. She's still hooked on sugar, however. [Mirror]
• Oh, wait, Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital. It seems to be related to the chest infection she had last week. Or her emphysema. [People]
• A New Zealand TV journalist is being investigated and might lose her job after a "trainwreck" interview with Pink; it seems the woman's sister used to be Pink's assistant and the reporter ambushed the pop star with questions about why she'd fired her sister. [News.com.au]
• More weird New Zealand news: A pizza chain used a Halloween ad which featured skeletal animations of the Queen Mother, Sir Edmund Hillary and Heath Ledger dancing on gravestones. The company has apologized. [Times of London]
• In case you couldn't already guess, Tyra is endorsing Barack Obama. [Yahoo News]
• Usher is taking a year off from music to travel the world and find "inspiration." Good luck! [Mirror]
• Jessica Simpson's BFF, stylist Ken Paves, had his face bloodied during a paparazzi crush outside of an L.A. restaurant. There were so many cameras swarming that some guy accidentally hit Ken near his eye with a camera. Jess and Ken made it to the car, and went directly to the hospital. [TMZ]
• Bruno, aka Sacha Baron Cohen, crashed a rally banning gay marriage in California. [Yahoo New]
• There was a memorial for Jennifer Hudson's family members, including nephew Julian King, on Sunday. His second-grade teacher read from journals written by his classmates. [AP]
• Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown is renewing her vows in Egypt, but Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham doesn't plan to attend. Snubby spice? [The Sun]
• It appears to be really and truly on between Criss Angel and Holly Madison. If you have a strong stomach, gaze upon this image of them kissing. [TMZ]
• Mindy McCready is out of jail. [E!]
• Here's a video in which Senator John McCain meets Anna Nicole Smith, one of her "biggest fans." [Politico]
• Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio have Oscar buzz for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Revolutionary Road, but Oscar voters tend to like it when actors play real people. [Reuters]
• Nigella Lawson once made her kids give their Christmas gifts to charity. "I wanted them to think about how lucky they are," she explains. Hmm, could work, could make them harbor resentment. [The Sun]
• Bon Jovi's being sued for £250,000 after one of the rock group's entourage allegedly deliberately ran over a woman with a golf cart at a concert. [Telegraph]
• Viggo Mortensen is in a film adaptation of a play about about an ordinary man in 1930s Germany being slowly co-opted by the Nazis. He says the story has relevance today; "You don't need to be some kind of bookworm or political activist; little and big decisions that individuals make in society on a daily basis are what any country is." [LA Times]
• LL Cool J has been inducted into the Long Island, NY Music Hall Of Fame. Didn't know there was such a thing, but, congrats? [UPI]
• Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones have made a very important election-related video you simply must watch. [Funny Or Die]
• Is Sienna Miller's relationship with Balthazar Getty fizzling out? [Mirror, Daily Mail]
• In an op-ed about paparazzi and papers vs. celebrities — especially Sienna Miller, who's gone to court seeking damages for a "campaign of harassment" by photographers, this writer states: "We have no right to invade people's privacy, but we do have a time honoured journalistic tradition of doing so that I would hate to see disappear." [Independent]
• Kylie Minogue would love to be an actress: "I’d love to do a comedy." [The Sun]
• It's weird to think about Dakota Fanning as 14-year-old sophomore and varsity cheerleader in real life, but that is what she is. [USA Today]
• Elle UK asked Kelly Osbourne to be part of a photography portfolio celebrating friendship and love; she decided to do it with her boyfriend. "My boyfriend is my best friend," she says. "We always go shopping together, we like going to music festivals and we chat on the phone a thousand times a day." [Elle UK]
• Haven't heard about these two in a while, but Nelly says he and Ashanti are "serious." They've been on and off since 2003. [People]
• Here's a piece about how stars change shape for films. A former Royal Marine who has worked on the last five James Bond films, has also been training with Jake Gyllenhaal for Prince Of Persia. He says: "Most actors are athletes nowadays. Their fitness is a big factor in whether they get cast or not. Jake has to look like a warrior capable of sword-fighting, not like he's been hitting the gym. He is working out twice, sometimes three times a day, six days a week, for three to four months on top of stunt rehearsals before filming begins." Ready to go back to bed? [Times of London]
• Did Paris Hilton steal Benji Madden from Sophie Monk? This was 8 months ago, if you care. [News.com.au]
• Johnny Carson's former lawyer is calling the Tonight Show host a sad, depressed man who cheated on his wives and was tormented by his mother. Tears of a clown? [Page Six]
• Whoa: Mickey Rourke once planned to kill a man and then commit suicide, because the guy had raped a woman he knew. [The Sun]
• The Pet Shop Boys will be presented with an outstanding contribution to music award at next year's Brit Awards, which means Simon Cowell won't get it. What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this? [BBC News, Mirror]
• The Communist Party of St. Petersburg must not have much to do, because they're pissed at "Bond girl" Olga Kurylenko for "sleeping with the West." [UPI]
• Jean-Claude Van Damme canceled promotional appearances for a film because one of his dogs is in a coma. Tragic! [Page Six]
• "Kate Winslet is always naked, sitting on a toilet, running buck-naked. She's free. I want to be the kind of actress who can really be comfortable with my body like that" — Halle Berry in Elle. [Page Six]
• "I've kept in touch with William — he's really good looking. But I prefer Harry, he's more my type." — Paris Hilton on the Princes. [Mirrror]
• "I need you to make the best sub you have ever made because it's for Snoop Dogg," A "handler" to a Subway employee in Australia. [News.com.au]
• "I've always been a slow starter. My first date was with a girl called Cessi. We had a beautiful relationship over the phone all summer and then when we met I couldn't look her in the eye." — Leonardo DiCaprio. [Guardian]
• "I don't know if seniors like me at all. I think they're a little sick of me. I think they say, 'Get off! We just want to rest.' I thought I was wonderful. Then I saw a replay. I couldn't believe I was just one, two, three, turn. I didn't have the spunk I thought I had." — Cloris Leachman, on her final Dancing With The Stars performance. [Newsweek]
• "Owen Wilson is so divine in this film. I've never seen him play a part like this. He was a man; he was a husband; he was a father. And I feel like, how brave of him, to walk through the year that he walked through." — Jennifer Aniston on her Marley And Me costar. [LA Times]
• "It's a different part of my life. I try and look back on it with fondness but when I'm reminded of it I'm really embarrassed… Honestly, I really hoped my daughter wouldn't see it, otherwise she'd never listen to a thing I say again. I thought I was the coolest guy in the world but really I was just a jackass." — Mark Wahlberg on his "Marky Mark" music career. [Telegraph]
• "If someone starts talking to me negatively about something they've never actually studied that actual text of, I don't really admire them very much because it shows they don't have much integrity, so I just kind of ignore them. I'm not going to listen to gossip and hearsay about something that's affected my life so tremendously in such a tremendously positive way. It's a new religion. Historically every new religion has been [dismissed]. People were hanged, fed to the lions for their beliefs so this is just a modern day evolution of what happens when something new comes into our culture. It is not fully understood yet. I've seen drug addicts completely rehabilitated, I've seen the illiterate become literate, I've seen people that were so depressed and hopeless completely rehabilitate their goals in life, become happier, find partners. It's beautiful." — Jenna Elfman on Scientology. [Perez Hilton]
• "Every other guy I've been out with has used me for money or sex — but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people… I loved this guy for three years but he betrayed me. Rick’s a scumbag and I hate him. It was just the most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me. So humiliating and embarrassing. But at the end of the day, I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve found someone who loves me for me. Benji’s my best friend and I know he’d never hurt me." — Paris Hilton. [News Of The World]
• "To go on about acting as art is ridiculous. You don’t have to be gifted just to hit a mark and a line. As far as I’m concerned, that’s 90 per cent of the job. Anyone who finds acting difficult just shouldn’t be doing it." — Kurt Russell. [Daily Express]
• "I'm thinking, 'If this guy (Jesus) can die for mankind, the least I can do is quit smoking. I really felt an epiphany was happening. I even thought I saw a light around me. Four hours later, I bought a packet of Marlboro Reds. Who am I kidding? I need a cigarette." — Gerard Butler, on his religious experience at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, Israel. [ONTD]
• "I shaved my back just in case. I went fully bare, like a two year old. I was ready. I didn't want to be too real for the world. I don't think the world is too ready for a hairy back in a love scene. Has there ever been a sex scene with Robin Williams? People don't want to see that. That would border on bestiality." — Seth Rogen, on preparing himself for Zack And Miri Make A Porno. [Daily Express]

• Oh dear: Lindsay Lohan's Ugly Betty episodes were cut from six to four. A source says: "It was a mess. Lindsay would show up every day with an entourage of people. She smoked 24/7, and after she left, they had to repaint her dressing room it was such a mess." Plus! in a scene where Betty is supposed to pull down Lindsay's pants, America Fererra did and LL wasn't wearing underwear. But! A different source says "America was mean to Lindsay. Producers give her too much power. Lindsay didn't do the last two episodes because America didn't like her and got her kicked off." Drama! [Page Six]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham is on the cover of Vogue India dressed as an Indian bride in a sari. There's a joke here about currying favor, right? [The Sun]
• Beyoncé would like for you to call her Sasha Fierce. Her new double album will be called I Am… Sasha Fierce. She explains: "I have someone else that takes over when it's time for me to work and when I'm on stage, this alter ego that I've created that kind of protects me and who I really am. Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I'm working and when I'm on the stage." It's call compartmentalization. Look into it. [Reuters]
• Ali Lohan didn't go to her grandfather's funeral because she didn’t have time to get her hair extensions done the day before and didn’t want anyone to see what horrible hair she has. [ONTD]

• Madonna may give Guy an extra £5million if she can dictate when he gets to see the kids. [Daily Mail]
• Guy Ritchie was "in pieces" after seeing that picture of Rocco Ritchie in a Yankees T-shirt. "He's actually been crying over it," says a source on the set of Sherlock Holmes. "He's in a terrible state but is doing his best to be on form at work." [Us]
• Some model named Tania with 37 inch legs has claimed she continued seeing Guy Ritchie after he dumped her for Madonna... Plus, some say Madonna never got over her fear that Guy secretly liked Tania better. [The Sun]
• Michael Madsen was removed from his home Monday after a family member became frightened of his behavior. He was taken to the hospital on a 5150 (involuntary psychiatric hold, the same as Britney, back in January). [TMZ]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley were on Oprah talking about boys. They support each other's choices, Mary-Kate explains. "If she doesn't like him, I won't like him. If she likes him, I'll like him." [People]
• Adrien Brody bought a motherfucking castle. There are pictures. The poster describes girlfriend Elsa Pataky, whom he blindfolded and surprised the castle with on her birthday, as a "lucky bitch." Agreed. [ONTD]
• Matt Lucas of Little Britain got a quickie divorce from partner Kevin McGee. The first celebrity gay divorcee? [Daily Mail]
• Ellen DeGeneres has stuff to say about Sarah Palin: "Basically, she wants to change the Constitution. I don't like it. I don't agree! And maybe it's because I'm gay that I think we should all be equal." [People]
• Bare tires and debris on the runway could be the cause of the plane crash that killed four people and injured Travis Barker and DJ AM. [People]
• Jessica Alba shows off her kid- and eco-friendly house in In Style magazine. [People]
• Justin Timberlake teamed up with the Jonas Brothers, Rihanna, 50 Cent, Leona Lewis and others for a fundraiser for the Shriners' Hospitals for Children. How did he get everyone to participate? "I actually wrote letters," Justin says. "I was old fashioned. I didn't have to stalk anyone." The benefit raised more than $1 million. [People]
• George Takei calls William Shatner's YouTube rant "silliness." Takei says he did invite Shatner to his wedding, but that Shatner never replies or shows up for stuff. [ET, Daily Express]
• Julianne Hough was rushed to the hospital on Tuesday after Dancing With The Stars but she says "I'm fine." She just had a bad stomach ache. Before going to the hospital, she changed out of her Lucy costume but forgot to take off her over-drawn lipstick. "I was like whatever; I’m sure they see a lot worse there.” [People]
• Dominic Monaghan will be on Chuck, in his first major TV gig since Lost. Click for an interview with Charlie from Drive Shaft! [EW]
• Halle Berry bought a house in St. Hippolyte, Quebec, for her, the baby, and boyfriend Gabriel Aubry. It's a humble abode on 63 acres overlooking the Molson Lake. And peut-être le bébé will speak Français, oui? [Perez Hilton]
• 50 Cent has finally reached an agreement over visitation rights for his 11-year-old son. He gets one weekend a month and one month in the summer, plus half of spring and winter breaks and alternating holidays. [Perez Hilton]
• Prime Minister Gordon Brown had to explain to Nelson Mandela who Amy Winehouse was at Mandela's 90th birthday. Harder to explain: Why Amy was singing "Free Blakey, my fella" instead of "Free Nelson Mandela." [Telegraph]
• Eminem's memoir delves into his personal struggles: "Rap is one big Fantasy Island," Eminem writes. "It’s the place I always retreat to when things get too hectic in real time… If you go back and look at the abuse that I took, it’s no surprise I became who I am. Someone I don’t really want to be." [NY Times]
• Is Cloris Leachman "sucking the life" out of Dancing With The Stars? [TMZ
• Lil Wayne is the father of a new son, Dwayne Carter III. The identity of the mother is not known. 26-year-old Wayne also has an 8-year-old daughter [Us]
• Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed (father of the late Dodi) has been questioned by police over allegations of a sexual assault on a girl under 16. He vehemently denies the claims. [BBC News]
• Gavin Rossdale says Kingston's been bullying baby Zuma: "It’s mainly a one-sided fight right now because Zuma’s pretty defenseless. But he’s not a small baby, so I think that Kingston’s got a couple years left and then he’s gonna get in trouble." [Just Jared]
• Benji Madden was seen hugging a random blonde and kissing her on the cheek; the headline is "Benji Cheats On Paris!" [Star]
• Despite reports that Zac Efron would be in the fourth Pirates Of the Caribbean movie, he has not been cast. Zac says: "It's just a rumor." [People]
• As reported in Midweek Madness, Mandy Moore has stopped speaking to her mother, who left Mandy's dad for a woman. "When Mandy's mom came out as a lesbian… Mandy felt betrayed," a source says. "[She] feels as if she's been lied to her entire life." [Star]
• Peaches Geldof has been "hard at work" refining her American accent. "Her conversation is littered with the words 'dude' and 'like.'" Plus! She told people she was married in "Nevada, Texas." [Daily Mail]
• Usher will perform at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, which will be taped at Fontainebleau Miami Beach and broadcast Dec. 3 on CBS. Expect to see Heidi Klum, Alessandra Ambrosio, Selita Ebanks, Doutzen Kroes, Adriana Lima, Marisa Miller, Miranda Kerr and more strut in skimpy, ridiculous lingerie. [UPI]
• Speaking of Usher, word is his marriage on the rocks. [StereoHyped]
• Ouch, Jack White pulled out of the MTV Europe Music Awards after slipping a disc in his neck. A source says, "Jack’s still in a lot of pain. He hoped it would have cleared by now but the injury is refusing to heal." This could affect his plans to promote his Bond theme with Alicia Keys, boo. [The Sun]
• Annie Leibovitz says that when she shot the Queen a while back, "We were all very nervous. The Queen came down the hall and she looked a little perturbed. I knew something was up." She also notes: "We have to remember her age and she was wearing a 75lb cloak." [Telegraph]
• Spotted having lunch at New York media's fave restaurant, Michael's: Heather Mills and Page Six's Richard Johnson. [mediabistro]
• Pretend to be Daniel Craig with the Quantum Of Solace video game. [Independent]
• Former Atomic Kitten singer Kerry Katona slurred her words and had a "meltdown" on live TV earlier this week; now this paper has videos of the "Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns." [Mirror]
• Rosie O'Donnell will star and executive produce a Lifetime Original Movie called America: the powerful story of one boy's emotional struggle through the foster care system. [PR Newswire]
• Curb Your Enthusiasm will be back for a seventh season. [Ain't It Cool News]
• Speaking of Larry David, he's written an essay for HuffPo about how he can't wait for November 4th. "I'm anxious all the time and taking it out on my ex-wife, which, ironically, I'm finding enjoyable… Five times a day I'll still say to someone, 'I don't know what I'm going to do if McCain wins.' … I'm paranoid, obsessive, nervous, and totally mental." [Huffington Post]
• "I feel like they tolerate me... like when you're burdened with something unpleasant and you cope with it. There's always, 'Oh, look at you — you don't like to wear dresses!' But they say it in such a nice way that, for the first 10 years, I guess I was like, 'Oh, how nice, even though I don't dress like them, they still like me.' It's good to be dumb because you don't get hurt. They are nice, they're honest. You know where you stand. And I do appreciate that. But (when they said) 'Oh, you have your own style,' I think after that one (comment) I was like, 'Oh, I get it now - you don't like anything about me.'" — Lisa Kudrow, on her French in-laws. [Daily Express]
• "I have been in relationships that can make you doubt who you are and what you are capable of, and doubt what you deserve. It took me a bit little longer to get it right." — Jennifer Lopez. [People]
• "We've met a couple times and he is good-looking, yes. But personality? Hmmm. He could work on it." — Susan Francia, Olympic rower, on Michael Phelps. [Page Six]
• "I've reached the time of life where father roles are coming my way and they're a hell of a lot more interesting than young lovers." — Colin Firth [The Star]

• A month after being diagnosed with breast cancer, Christina Applegate is now cancer-free. "I'm clear," she told Robin Roberts of Good Morning America earlier today. "Absolutely 100 percent clear and clean. It did not spread — they got everything out, so I'm definitely not going to die from breast cancer." She went on to say: "My decision, after looking at all the treatment plans that were possibilities for me, the only one that seemed the most logical and the one that was going to work for me was to have a bilateral mastectomy." Apparently she had the surgery about three weeks ago. She'll have reconstructive surgery in the coming months. Be well! [ABC News]
• Madonna made a 40-minute speech on her birthday and admitted that she was "disappointed" that some of her celebrity BFFs, including Gwyneth Paltrow and Stella McCartney, didn't come to her party. But! Lourdes sang for her, and Guy told her she's beautiful. Is it enough for the woman who wants it all? (Do you think Madge gets depressed?) [MSNBC]
• Apparently Jennifer Aniston is not impressed that John "The Player" Mayer made that speech about her being the smartest most sophisticated person ever. A friend of Jen's says: "He is the biggest jerk ever. How dare he set up a p.r. stunt like that? He should be ashamed of himself and just shut his mouth." [Page Six]

• Now that she's broken up with Lance Armstrong, Kate Hudson has been calling old flame Owen Wilson! "He was frosty at first," says an insider. "He felt betrayed when she dumped him for his friend Lance. But after a while, he caved in and has been sweet to her." Déjà vu all over again. [Star]
• Three words: Beckham The Musical! [People]
• Shirtless pictures of Rafael Nadal. [ONTD via NY Mag]
• Jemaine Clement of Flight Of The Conchords got married! The lucky lady is his long-time girlfriend, Miranda Manasiadis; the ceremony took place in a Los Angeles registry office and costar Bret McKenzie was in attendance. Time to listen to that song Jemaine and Bret wrote for us. [Stuff.co.nz]
• Joshua Radin, the dude who sang at Ellen and Portia's wedding, says: "I cannot imagine topping that experience. I've never played a wedding before, and I probably won't again until it's my own.” Oh and what's this? Pictures in People on newsstands on Friday? Online today? Noted! [People]
• Post-Madonna and estranged wife Cynthia, Alex Rodriguez has been seeing women in Miami's South Beach as well as New York. Don't hate the player, hate the game. [Page Six]
• Britney's custody dispute has been resolved, but it certainly cost her: She owes lawyers over $700,000. [AP]
• Both Donnie Wahlberg and his wife filed for divorce from each other on the same day, within hours. The feeling is mutual. [TMZ]
• Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild will be tried on federal charges in L.A. in September. Did he deduct $20 million in fraudulent expenses on corporate tax returns? He says his accountant set him up, but he also brought "contraband" (sleeping pills, prescription drugs and $700 in cash) into jail and is being sued by GGW ladies. [NY Times]
• Sadie Frost went over to Amy Winehouse's and "left in the early hours in tatters, wearing the singer’s ballerina pumps and showing off her bra strap through an unbuttoned dress." Also? Intoxicated. Obvs. [The Sun]
• Lily Allen's been airing her business on her MySpace: "Now, the album. It has been finished for a while now. I don't really know what's going on with it… I might go on another holiday as I don't have anything else to do." [Mirror]
• Lily Allen smacked a French woman in the street after the passerby called her a "fucking asshole." Amy and Lily need to get in the studio and off of the streets! [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio: "The worst dancer ever." [Page Six]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt want to have a "clan" like Brad and Angelina: adopted and biological kids. "We'd be so lucky to have a clan like that," says Heidi. She also says: "I used to want to be a missionary… Go to the U.N. for World Hunger and really, you know, not just go there for a safari, but go there to actually help." Lord help us all. [Yahoo News]
• Heidi and Spencer will get married: Heidi is just "waiting for that big ring." Also, she wants the wedding to air live on TV. She says she won't leave the show, because, "Where would I go?" How about "away"? [Pop Sugar]
• Oh, and by the way, Heidi and Spencer would love to take over The Hills. "I think that maybe Lauren is tired of [being on the show], but we’re just beginning," Heidi says. "We’re not even remotely sick of it." [People]
• Lauren Conrad on The Hills: "The show is definitely reaching its end. It's been so amazing and I've loved most of it, but I think there is going to come a time where I need to live my life for myself and not in front of viewers. I'm young and having fun with it now, but it's not something I am going to be able to do forever, obviously." [ET]
• In news older than your grandma, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are being blamed for the popularity of small dogs. [Mirror]
• Tori Spelling's bad boob job will make your chest hurt. [Awful Plastic Surgery]
• Uma Thurman is on the cover of the new In Style and says she would maybe have more kids: "If it's meant to happen, it will. I love and adore being a mother." [People]
• Buckle your seatbelts: Peaches Geldof is moving to the U.S. [Mirror]
• Kelly Osbourne says of Peaches: "It’s a bit sad, to be honest. It’s a great big cry for help and people need to stop talking about her and, you know, maybe all she needs is a hug." [Daily Express]
• New couple alert: Bow Wow and Reverend Run's daughter Vanessa. [Page Six]
• Rhys Ifans and Kimberly Stewart wore leather ensembles on a date to famous sushi restaurant Nobu. [The Sun]
• Paris Hilton's boobs: Plastic or push-up bra? [Page Six]
• New Beyoncé album coming November 18. Title: Virtuoso Intellect. [The.Life Files]
• Critics will not be getting advance screeners of the new 90210, which could mean that it sucks. Stay tuned; the show premieres 9/02. [Perez Hilton]
• Brad Pitt is teaming up with Kiehl's but you won't be able to tell. [ET]
• As previously reported, Roseanne has written a post to Jon Voight on her Web site, and it reads thusly: "Your evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about $40 million a year in violent, psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more… Miss Jolie says she likes [John] McCain too and hasn't decided who to endorse....huh? Aren't you supposed to be somewhat enlightened, or do you not know that the African daughter you hold in every picture had parents who suffered and died because of the Republican party's worldwide economic assault on Africa over the last few decades since Reagan? It might be good for your Asian and African children's self-esteem to know you support [Barack Obama, a man of color] for the leader of the free world." [Us Magazine]

• John Mayer on his breakup with Jen Aniston: "There's no lying, there's no cheating, there's no nothing. Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met. People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right." Hmm, does Mayer The Player have commitmentphobia? [People, UPI]
• John Mayer also says: "I'm sorry that the story's not interesting. But it's about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she's great." [OK!]
• Um, there's also video of John making these statements. He actually seems emotional. [TMZ]
• Okay, this report says that though they're going through a rocky time, John and Jen are not over. Then again, it also claims that "the birth of the Brangelina twins has got her down." Ugh. [The Sun]
• This report says that money was an issue with Jen and John. "Jen was tired of paying for everything," says a source. "Cobwebs come flying out of (Mayer's) wallet when he opens it. John liked living like a movie star when he was with her. Jen would never say anything, but you could tell it irritated her." [MSNBC]
• Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi tied the knot! The private ceremony took place at their home in Los Angeles. There were 19 guests, including both of their mothers. [Yahoo News]

• Ellen and Portia both wore Zac Posen. They exchanged rings by Neil Lane. The couple said handwritten vows. Sniff. [People]
• Oooh, you can see Portia's fluffy pink dress here. A source called it a "Cinderella tutu." [Us]
• A crowd of 6,000 people gathered on Chicago's South Side to remember Bernie Mac on Saturday. Samuel L. Jackson spoke at the church and said: "He never turned that kid down for an autograph. He always had time to shake a hand. He was always that kid from Chicago who wanted to make everybody happy and everybody laugh." [CNN]
• Meanwhile, a Presbyterian Church in Memphis is being criticized for holding a memorial for Scientologist Isaac Hayes. [UPI]
• Madonna's 50th birthday was Saturday. She spent the day praying at the Kabbalah center before hitting a London nightclub. [Mirror]
• In other news, doesn't look like Madonna will be adopting that little girl in Malawi. Although we'll surely hear something different tomorrow. [The Sun]
• Meanwhile: Guy Ritchie's script adviser has been charged with possessing more than £100,000 worth of cocaine and cannabis. At least he knows his stuff. [Daily Mail]
• Tyra Banks kept her audience waiting for two hours for a taping of "Celebrating Black Models, Past, Present and Future" while she was backstage "giggling, snacking and chatting with the crew." At the end of the show, Tyra and some other models released black balloons, which, as we all know, kill sea life. Anyway, a source says the whole show was "self-indulgent, narcissistic crap." [Page Six]
• Phil Collins has divorced third wife Orianne Cevey after six years of marriage and two children. He's paid her £25 million, more than Paul McCartney gave Heather Mills. [Mirror]
• Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe suffers from dyspraxia, a neurological problem which impairs movement. His spokesperson says his condition is mild and "at worst manifests itself in an inability to tie his shoe laces and bad handwriting." [Daily Mail]
• Courtenay Semel is spilling details about her relationship with Lindsay Lohan: "Everyone thinks Samantha is Lindsay’s first lesbian love, but we were very passionate until her fear of being found out drove us apart," she says. Apparently Courtnenay and LL would do lines of coke, then go home and "fall into bed together." You know, Star was on to LL's "roomate" Courtenay months ago! [News Of The World]
• Courtenay also claims that Lindsay slept with a bunch of dudes to suppress her lesbian urges. [The Sun]
• Was Peaches Geldof's quickie Vegas wedding a publicity stunt for the groom's rock band? The group, Chester French, was unknown in the UK before the wedding; now they have five gigs: Sheffield tomorrow night, followed by Birmingham, Manchester, Edinburgh and London. [Mirror]
• Peaches has gone to visit her father, who will surely quiz her about what the hell is going on. [The Sun]
• By the by, Peaches' new hubs doesn't know who Sir Bob Geldof is, so that should go over well. [Mirror]
• Oh, dear. There's a picture of Peaches licking the face of Mark The Cobrasnake. [Daily Mail]
• Did Peaches get married because she was depressed? Is she still scarred from the death of her mother eight years ago? [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse has become obsessed with The Wizard Of Oz and is using a sample of music from the film in one of her new tracks. Clearly, she loves the scene that's all, "Poppies… poppies!" [The Sun]
• Gossip Girl gossip: The first season comes out on DVD this week, with an audiobook narrated by Christina Ricci. Except no one likes audiobooks, especially not GG fans. [NY Times]
• Bill Murray jumped out of a plane on Friday. The 57-year-old actor leapt from 13,500 feet with members of the Army Golden Knights Parachute Team. When Murray landed, he said: "I really feel like having a drink." [AP]
• Paris Hilton's extensions were extremely obvious on the red carpet at a recent event. [UPI]
• View said extensions here. [ONTD]
• Jared Leto's band, 30 Seconds To Mars, is being sued by its label, Virgin Records, for not delivering three albums as required by contract. More time in the studio, less time on eyeliner, guys. [AP]
• Blind item! "Which hunk in a summer movie is a violent, closeted homosexual? The heartthrob snuck into his ex's apartment a few months ago and raped him so violently, the ex ended up in the hospital — and the actor paid him $500,000 to keep his mouth shut." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which oft-photographed socialite is being forced to get a job by her parents? She looks rich but is really broke, and is now looking for modeling gigs." [Page Six]
• Drama in the Black Eyed Peas! Fergie's too busy shooting a movie to commit to a tour schedule. [Page Six]
• Celebs at the DNC? George Clooney, Madonna, Kanye West, Scarlett Johansson, Susan Sarandon, Spike Lee, Quentin Tarantino and Matt Damon all wanna be there when Barack Obama says, "Yes, I can." [Rush & Molloy]
• Kim Kardashian performed with the Pussycat Dolls in Vegas on Friday and used iChat to show boyfriend Reggie Bush what she looked like in her costume. Yeah, she knows how to video chat. Be afraid. [People]
• Everything you need to know about Lo Bosworth's role on The Hills: "A subtle intelligence is Lo's saving grace. It's all there in her withering gaze, usually directed away from her target, and possibly in whatever she's always typing into her cellphone." [L.A. Times]
• Sixteen-year-old Georgia Jagger won't let mom Jerry Hall wear anything inappropriate. "I did take all her miniskirts. I told her one night that her skirt was too short – she came down the stairs and I was like, 'God, Mum, you are 50.'" [Daily Mail]
• Entourage star Emmanuelle Chriqui was one of the many patrons of an L.A. nightclub who came out coughing when someone set off pepper spray. [TMZ]
• Mark Frith, editor of Heat magazine, has a book about what it's like to run a tabloid readers love and stars hate. An excerpt: "Jude Law's lawyer calls again. 'We've reason to believe you're planning to run some photographs that you don't have permission to run. When does the magazine print?' 'It already has.' Silence. Then he tells me our lawyers will be getting a letter." [Daily Mail]
• Somebody stole stuff out of the Dancing With The Stars van when it was in Roseville, MN. [UPI]
• Is Avril Lavigne too sexy for Malaysia? [Yahoo News]
• Patrick Swayze continues to smoke. [The Sun]
• Robert Wagner has talked to a friend about the night Natalie Wood died. [Times of London]
• Headline of the day: "Even when he was kissing me, Warren Beatty could not resist staring at himself in the mirror." [Daily Mail]
• "I'd like an Oscar, I think, and I'd also like to have been the face of a big cosmetics company, like Chanel or one of the others. You know what, I am actually going to say I'd like an Oscar nomination rather than an Oscar. I don't want to jinx it." — Emma Roberts. [News.com.au]
• "I saw The Dark Knight. I'm like, 'That's not my idea of what I want to see in a movie.' I loved The Prestige but didn't understand The Dark Knight. Didn't get it, still can't tell you what happened in the movie, what happened to the character… I'm like, 'I get it. This is so high-brow and so fucking smart, I clearly need a college education to understand this movie. You know what? Fuck DC comics. That's all I have to say and that's where I'm really coming from." — Robert Downey Jr. [MSNBC]

• Christian Bale's "assault" against his mother is part of a long-simmering feud. Apparently Christian's been estranged from his mother and sister, Jenny and Sharon Bale, since he sided with his father when his parents divorced in the early '90s. Christian "reluctantly" agreed to meet with them at his London hotel right before the premiere of The Dark Knight but soon realized they were there to hit him up for money. An argument ensued; Christian demanded they leave his suite and allegedly pushed his mother out of the door. Snubbed, his mother went and told her "assault" story; she's trying to sell it to media outlets as well. [Chicago Sun Times]
• Christian Bale singed autographs and posed for photos at the Madrid premiere of Dark Knight last night but did not speak to reporters, duh. By the by, he has not been formally charged with anything. [People]
• Christian's relationship with his wife? Solid. [E!]
• P.S.: Aaron Eckhart has agreed to be in a third Batman film. [ONTD]

• Princess diaries? The FBI has seized Anne Hathaway's journals and will scour the pages looking for info about her ex, Raffaello Follieri. Anne's apparently cut off all contact with Follieri and changed her numbers; a source says, "Raffaello has been trying to call her all the time." He's not doing to well in prison — and wonders if Anne helped put him behind bars. This is going to make a great movie of the week! [Rush & Molloy]
• Brad Pitt's lawyers have sent cease-and-desist letters to photo agencies after paparazzi used "highly powerful telephoto lenses" to get pics — maybe of the twins? [Rush & Molloy]
• Sienna Miller is suing over those shots of her cavorting with Balthazar Getty. She's claiming breach of privacy — and since she won a judgment in December regarding nude pictures of her on the set of Hippie Hippie Shake — she might have a shot. [People]
• Apparently Sienna's pubic hair is being digitally enhanced for Hippie Hippie Shake, a source says, because "the film is set in the swinging '60s when fashion was wild and body hair even wilder… Unfortunately, Brazilians weren't common in the '60s… Sienna's private parts were digitally enhanced, giving her a rather unruly, loud and proud bush." [Mirror]
• Britney's mom ran over a bike-riding young boy with her car and killed him. In 1975. But a source says, "To this day, Lynne hasn't gotten over what she did. She gets that terrified look in her eye when she is thinking about it." Lynne was rushing her injured brother to the hospital when the accident happened. [National Enquirer]
• Singer, fashion designer, actress and mother of two Jennifer Lopez is training for a triathalon, because you don't aleady feel bad enough about yourself. [MSNBC]
• Madonna's brother says his book doesn't even contain everything he wanted to reveal about Madge. "There are plenty of things I left out of the book," he swears. "And things that the lawyers and editors took out." [MSNBC]
• 50 Cent is suing Taco Bell for using his image in an ad campaign without his permission. The ads suggested that Fiddy change his name to 79, 89 or 99 Cent to help promote The Bell's penny-saving deals. 50 doesn't do fast food deals. Who does Taco Bell they think they are, Vitamin Water? [E!]
• Um, Pete Doherty is trying to turn his dead cat into a ring for Kate Moss. Shelley was Kate's fave cat when Kate and Pete were together. Pete's supposedly using that company that turns ashes into gems but yeah. Ugh. [ONTD]
• Let's do the time warp again: MTV is developing a remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. A reader writes: "MTV has ruined EVERYTHING WE LOVED. I don't even know how to deal. Seriously, my emotions on this subject are majorly conflicted. I'm sad, which makes me want chocolate cake, but I'm also homicidal, which makes me want chicken fingers." [ONTD, Variety]
• Ethan Hawke and his wife Ryan Shawhughes welcomed a daughter, Clementine Jane Hawke, last Friday. [Us Magazine]
• Lindsay Lohan's cameo role on Ugly Betty is that of Kimberley, Betty's high school nemesis, who is now a fast food waitress. [Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie us the first choice of leading lady in The Thomas Crown Affair 2, which is too bad because no one can be as hot as Rene Russo was in the 1999 version, which, btw, was a remake. [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof says all that matters is "love, art and music," because they are the only "pure things in life." Then she was spotted with a drug vial necklace. [The Sun]
• Kelsey Grammer nearly died after his heart attack last month. "They had to blast me twice and get me started all over again," he says. Insert something about tossed salads and scrambled eggs here. [Yahoo News]
• Nick Hogan is moving from the juvenile section into the general population of the Pinellas County Jail. He'll be one of 3,300 adult inmates, gulp. [E!]
• A nanny fired on Jordan's reality show is suing the "glamour model" also called Katie Price. The nanny says her privacy was infringed on. [Mirror]
• Here is a story from Pigeon Forge, TN: "Two 14-week-old American bald eagles named by Disney star Miley Cyrus and her country singer father, Billy Ray Cyrus, will be released into the wild Thursday at the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains. The American Eagle Foundation has released more than 90 eagles from Dolly Parton's Dollywood theme park in East Tennessee since the 1990s." [Yahoo News]
• A man has been charged with stalking Lorne Michaels. The dude believes his thoughts were being stolen by Michaels and then used as SNL fodder. That's just good writing! [E!]
• Avril Lavigne "hates her fangs" and is planning on getting her teeth filed down by a cosmetic dentist. Her punk attitude will remain intact. [Star]
• Elton John has a Ben & Jerry's flavor named after him. Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road is a yummy blend of chocolate ice cream, peanut butter cookie dough, butter brickle and white chocolate chunks and it's only available for a limited time. [ET]
• Remember Jasmine Guy, Whitley from A Different World? She's having messy divorce problems. [Yahoo News]
• Mindy McCready is in rehab; her 2-year-old son is in the care of her mother. [Yahoo News]
• Matt LeBlanc's former manager is suing him and Matt says Camille Cerio has a "major depressive disorder." [TMZ]
• "I hope to be married in the next five years." — Derek Jeter. [Page Six]
• "She's at that point where she can call me and say, 'Hey Dad, what's up? What time are you going to get me?' It's really cool. We talk every day. It's hard for me to be the tough guy with my daughter. Maybe I should work on the discipline stuff, but I could leave her mother to do that!… Look at me and the way I live: I ride my bicycle, I walk, I don't have a driver. That's how I keep her grounded. Her mom does a good job too – she's not that person that everyone thinks. She's very laidback and cool." — Carlos Leon on his relationship with daughter Lourdes, aka Lola. [People]