Match "Rich Guys & Hot Girls" Matchmaker Jeremy Abelson With His Offensive Quotes!

Meet Jeremy Abelson! We met him thanks to the ever-life-affirming Page Six Magazine. (Thanks to also-affirming P6M contributor Josh Stein!) If "Crap Email From A Dude" generally serves to remind you why you made that pledge never to date another bartender/bike messenger/Sad Aging Literary Man, the role of such Douche… »6/23/08 1:00pm6/23/08 1:00pm

LOLAudience: Paul Janka & John Fitzgerald Page On Dr. Phil

Yesterday, two notable specimens of boy-foe material, Paul Janka and John Fitzgerald Page, appeared on Dr. Phil to let talk about their big egos in front of a female-only audience. The audience reactions were so priceless — lots of disgust and appalled laughter — that today, one of you asked us to give the images the… »5/08/08 3:30pm5/08/08 3:30pm

Paul Janka, John Fitzgerald Page Try To Out-Douche Each Other On Dr. Phil

"Casanova Caveman" Paul Janka and "The Worst Person in the World" John Fitzgerald Page both appeared on Dr. Phil today for a show about men with huge egos. I, for one, would be shocked if either of these 'bags get laid anytime soon — if ever again — because they just let millions of women know just what giant tools… »5/07/08 7:00pm5/07/08 7:00pm

Coming Up On Dr. Phil: Paul Janka, Caveman Casanova

Dr. Phil has been running commercials for all-new, jaw-dropping episodes coming up in May, and guess who is among the guests? Paul Janka. In a brief 30-second spot, we learn that, while in the Dr. Phil studio, he hit on the show's staff, and that he continues to embrace his inner Neanderthal. "I invoke the idea of a… »4/24/08 7:00pm4/24/08 7:00pm

Proud Player Paul Janka Talks About Sluts On Tyra

Yesterday's Tyra was all about "true confessions of the male mind," and Tyra stacked the audience with dudes, including our (least) favorite confirmed bachelor Paul Janka. (You know, the guy who didn't date-rape Moe.) First, Janka talked about how sexual double standards are "earned" because it's difficult to be a… »4/17/08 11:00am4/17/08 11:00am

V.S. Naipaul Is Worse Than Mike Cherico And John Fitzgerald Page And Also Norman Mailer

Comrades, there's a new Douche Du Jour in service for your virtual lashings and denunciations: novelist and Nobel laureate V.S. Naipaul! (Just call him "Naipaul Janka"!) Okay, so if you knew who V.S. Naipaul was, you knew he was a jerk. He's an unapologetic racist who fucked whores, beat his mistress, and never gave… »4/08/08 3:30pm4/08/08 3:30pm

"I Am A Law School Girl (Snatch, Gunch, Clam, Whisker Biscuit — Pick Your Subject Synonym)..."

"This accounts for some 80% of the gunch at law school," claims a University of Florida law student who goes by the name of Benjamin Straight, before cutting and pasting a charming essay he's composed about a sort of tragic character that, depending upon your point of view, describes either the average "law school… »2/13/08 12:30pm2/13/08 12:30pm

Why Would Someone Like MSNBC's Flavia Colgan Let Paul Janka Molest Her?

A tipster tells us Paul Janka used to "date" Flavia Colgan, a leggy lefty MSNBC pundit who is yet another about-to-be-former veteran of the Famous For Philadelphia Society. I have met Flavia a few times and can attest to the fact that she is very pretty and thin and quite possibly even intelligent; she did go to… »12/20/07 4:00pm12/20/07 4:00pm

Meet Paul Janka! He Likes To Keep His Dates On The Liquid Diet...

Today the Today Show crowned America's Next Top Douchebag, and he's a Harvard-educated SAT tutor. He wrote something called How To Get Laid In New York, and apparently his big secret is that he never takes girls out to dinner, because he doesn't like having to converse that much to attain that which he used Microsoft… »12/10/07 12:30pm12/10/07 12:30pm