If there's one thing I love about parties, aside from the punch and potential to make out with a stranger in the coatroom, it's the parting gifts, like a fresh dick tattoo drawn on by a drunk friend with a DIY tattoo gun.
Looking to comfort yourself after yet another underwhelming-to-terrible New Year's Eve? (Unless, of course, you had a great one in which case, congratulations, you beautiful rare bird you.) Try to have some perspective. Surely, there's a person out there who had a worse New Year's than you. Probably even a whole…
It's all very well and good to put on your bikini and pose in a bubble bath at a live-streamed Dirty Money bash while Fabolous, Trey Songz and Kevin Hart hang around, but watch out for those candles, girl.