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A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
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LadySoprano is a Fat-Fighting Superwoman
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
What a lovely story! It shows that having a strong friendship in a marriage is so important, too.

I also read a story in Glamour (I know, I know) this afternoon about a couple made up of two people who are autistic. It was very sweet.
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Mrs. Stephen Fry
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
Their story is so beautiful. I'm so glad I got a little glimpse into their wonderful life together.
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Mrs. Jones
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
This reminds me of that nice couple in Notting Hill where the husband carried his wife up the stairs every night. I thought that was so sweet.

And yes, I watch Hugh Grant/Julia Roberts movies ... I just don't keep them on my bookshelf.
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willwriteforfood
03/09/09

@Mrs. Jones: No shame, honey, no shame. No reason to hide the Hugh Grant flix.

And I liked that the writers of that movie just included the woman with the disability in the film and didn't make a big deal of it. Like I love it when films have mixed-race couples and don't even mention it. Because that's real life.
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Joyce Carol Hall and Oates
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
A couple years ago I went to visit my grandparents when my grandfather was near the end of his life. As my grandma wiped his chin after dinner and strapped his breathing machine onto his head (he had lost use of his arms by now), he told me to remember this when I decide to get married.
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sybann
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
i CAN HAZ TISSUE?
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marshmallory
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
My coworker's husband was in a motorcycle accident two years ago that left him paraplegic, and I have never met a more devoted, optimistic, completely in love couple. After the accident happened, he gave her the choice to leave and said he would understand if she did, but she stayed without a second thought. Although they go through a lot of tribulations that most couples couldn't even begin to fathom, it seems to have made them (and everyone around them) realize just how lucky they are to have each other.
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Princess Leela
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
OK, I'm gonna be Debbie Downer. What about when this DOESN'T work? Because that just plain is the reality sometimes. As a teenager I got a close-up seat to watch a marriage like this fall apart -- my mom's best friend's husband had MS that started to progress quite rapidly, and she simply couldn't cope. The events that followed made a pretty big negative impression on me. But is that fair, and if so how fair? I wasn't the one in the marriage (and neither was my dad, who never liked said friend anyway and was, I think, on some level happy to see his feelings vindicated).
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JeromeCabaret
03/09/09

@Princess Leela: Yeah, I'm not gonna lie...when I read this, I couldn't imagine feeling the same way about my hypothetical partner as this husband does toward his wife post-accident. I mean, I definitely wouldn't ditch my partner. I know I'd have a sense of duty to care for them and to make them feel like they're not alone. But I certainly wouldn't have all these loving, altruistic, and empathetic feelings expressed by the husband. Love doesn't evaporate in situations like this and I'm sure mine wouldn't either, but attraction...? I can't say I'd remain attracted and "in love" with the person. Damn, I've just realized I'm a douchebag and I don't like it :(
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J.D.Regent
03/09/09

@Princess Leela: i bet it really depends what kind of support the caregiver has too, and how positive the sick or injured partner is being. nobody can do it alone.
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Princess Leela
03/09/09

@J.D.Regent: Yes. And one irony in their case was that my mom's friend is a nurse. Which would seem on the surface to have suggested she would have been able to cope better, but I'm not at all sure about that now. The pressure on people who find themselves playing the role of full-time caregiver in both their professional AND personal lives is, I think, far more than the sum of its parts. (My mom herself, also a nurse, has found this out as the years go by and she repeatedly is thrust into the role of go-to caregiver for various aging relatives.)
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Princess Leela
03/09/09

@JeromeCabaret: Well, but I think your key word there is "hypothetical." (Speaking as a fellow singleton, BTW.) There's general attraction, which is, let's face it, not that deep ... then there's the specific attraction that is part and parcel of the love you have for your chosen partner.

Or in other words to sound like my grandma, "When you meet the right person, blah blah blah."
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
I love things like this. Makes you think about how lucky you are to spend time worrying/being angry about how he didn't clean the Foreman grill like I asked or she didn't remember to take my work clothes out of the dryer when there are people who worry about their partner being ill or incapacitated. Honestly, I don't think any of us really know if our own relationships could last through these sorts of circumstances, but just knowing that other people have persevered is sort of encouraging.
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cellardoor
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
Since the dawn of this year I have been on a gratitude kick, which I see has lapsed as of reading this blog entry. It's easy to get down during this time our country and the world is experiencing, and I keep reminding myself that even though I'm broke and hanging by a filament, I've got a full functioning body, brains, experience, creativity, friends, (some - ha ha) family, and an overall package that enables me to move through this world fairly easily. And where I live (a gorgeous city) and how I live (a small one bedroom) is a queen's existence compared to the majority of the world. Every morning I wake up thankful I've got shelter and food up to this point in my life.
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chritter is a nocturnal feminist mancatfish
03/09/09

@cellardoor: Yeah, I tend to bitch and moan a lot about every little (or even medium-sized) snotball the world flings my way, then things like this come along and it's a SNAP OUT OF IT! moment.
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Mama Penguino
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
Sigh. Can you imagine this wonderful man kvetching about his wife putting on 20 pounds? What a gem.
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J.D.Regent
03/09/09

@Mama Penguino: i know, right? the only thing is when you aren't dealing with a major crisis like this, it is so much easier to care about stupid shit like extra poundage. I feel like sometimes it takes something really serious to shake you into having some priorities.
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Mama Penguino
03/09/09

@J.D.Regent: I honestly believe most of us have something strong and wonderful inside of us that emerges when it's needed the most. I was probably one of the world's most bratty teenagers with my Farrah hair and clogs, but one afternoon my mom twisted her back and fell on the kitchen floor. I called an ambulance, as it was serious (she was conscious), but horror of horrors, she had to have a bowel movement immediately. Guess who helped her by putting newspapers underneath her and then wiping her bottom? And it was nothing, I tell you. Nothing. Twenty years later I'm changing my grandmother's diapers and it's a breeze. Easier than Little P's were, for sure! I know we all have the capacity to care for one another.
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SomeAuthorGirl
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
Usually Modern Love is so wanky (like everything else of late in the NYT). This was a lovely surprise.
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jurisenpai
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
My husband has a degenerative nerve disease. We're only in our mid 20's, and I'm scared to think what may happen in the future.

It does me good to see that, despite the limitations, this couple still loves each other enormously.
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J.D.Regent
03/09/09

@jurisenpai: sending you courage and love! i know a lot of couples dealing with similar situations who have very happy marriages deep into old age. hell, look at this couple -- car accident, out of the blue. at least you have the knowledge and probably appreciate each day because of it.
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The Little Boo
03/09/09

@jurisenpai: I'm thinking good and hopeful thoughts for your future. It can be tremendously scary dealing with something serious looming in the future, so I can understand your worries. I'm sure you both face a lot of anger and sadness from the situation, but I'm sure the happiness and love you have together is stronger. I'm sorry if that sounds trite or corny, but I think when you have a committed serious relationship based on all the right things, those can overpower the scary, shadowy things.
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MediasBlue
03/09/09

@jurisenpai: Mine too, but we've both got just over 10 years on you both. Fuckin' scary, watching Mr. Shasse be in pain. I worry and I get sad and then we spend hours laughing about one silly funny thing. There are changes in our relationship but we're both committed for the long haul and I look forward to the good days!
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mysterygirl
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
The beginning of this Modern Love worried me-- I was afraid that it was going to be like, "look how supportive I am of my wife, while I simultaneously strip her of her dignity by describing things like how she now accidentally poops the bed sometimes." But it turned out to be much more gentle and heart-warming.
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junkyardarts
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
i dont think we need to assume this man has sex with other women. there are plenty of other means to get ones rocks off - other holes to enjoy/pleasure eachother with. there are many many men out there who stay in a monogomous relationship despite sexual challenges - lets give him a little more credit.
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Samanthrax
03/09/09

@junkyardarts: Who implied that?
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Mkp-hearts-NYC
03/09/09

@junkyardarts: That wasn't the implied subtext I read into Sadie's post at /all/.... just an acknowledgment that it's probably not all love and sunshiney roses...
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J.D.Regent
03/09/09

@junkyardarts: whoa. who made that assumption? he doesn't even say they don't have sex, just that she can't feel it.
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Mkp-hearts-NYC
03/09/09

@J.D.Regent: (well, he does make a joke about her leg muscles killing anyone who tries... but not all sex is p-in-v!)
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midwesternmom
03/09/09

In reply to A Seriously Romantic "Modern Love" Melts The Hardest Heart
My uncle once told me he loved my aunt because she never saw him as anything less than a man. He had only one leg and limited use of his arms, but he lived a full life and enjoyed every minute of it, with my crazy, cranky aunt who loved him unconditionally.
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