For one, I have the whitest of pale white legs, and I don't tan, so for most of my life I was really, really uncomfortable with my skin color. Pantyhose made my legs look (in my mind) less cadaver-like and more socially acceptable, and in the humid-as-hell D.C. summers I'd wear pants to the office and avoid skirts all together. But, then there were cute skirts! And open-toed shoes! And a business casual office! And lots of other women with really white legs that they weren't embarrassed about, so I forced myself to get over it (and to shave my legs more than every six months).

The other time I pretty consistently wore stockings was when I was a lot heavier. I used to buy the mega-control top ones that sucked everything in so that I could get away with wearing the clothes I didn't really fit into and didn't want to replace, to hide my under-belt belly as much as possible and smooth out my ass and still pretend I was a size 14. I wore them under pants and bought Spanx for the summer and then finally, finally got off my widening ass and did something about the weight other than pretend a pair of stockings could fool everyone when the only person they ever fooled was me.

Nowadays, the only time I really wear stockings is in the winter. I have only gone out once in cold weather in a skirt without stockings (a walk of shame, actually) and as I stood on a corner hailing a cab home with my balled up fishnets in my pocket, I silently cursed at myself for deciding that unrolling them hungover was too difficult because, holy hell, were my thighs freezing in a way that thighs should never freeze. But anytime I do wearing stockings, I take them off as soon as I get home — before I even take off my bra — because the sweet release of removing the encasing nylon is just too good to put off.

One reason I've never worn them, though, is because a boss required me to. It amazes that some offices require them — even under pants (and who, exactly, checks that?). Is it just that I live in a swamp that I've never had a dress code like that regardless of my job?

Bare-Legged Ladies: Hosiery Reveals Office Divide [WSJ]

[Los Angeles, June 27. Image via Splash]

Look no further, we have the perfect Valentines day gift for the man in your life. Especially if you don't like him very much.

Pantyhose for men are the next big thing, according to a news report on Yahoo.

"One of France's leading hosiery makers is launching a new line for men next month — pantyhose with a welcome front opening and big feet, available in thick mannish knit but also as sheer tights.

Gerbe, which is based in eastern France, said this week that the country's first hosiery line for men would go on sale in March 'due to increasing demand from male clients.'"

But why let the boys have all the fun? We think big-footed fans of easy vaginal access like Paris Hilton would be thrilled at the manly sizes and 'welcome opening'. Expect to see them at Kitson's any day now. But incredibly, it seems the louche-living completely gay surrender monkeys are less convinced.

"Internet users on a French fashion messaging board, www.ctendance.com/forum2, responded with a touch of scepticism. "Why create pantyhose for men when women's tights are fine?" said one. Tights are unisex," said another, "except that women's are always softer."

[Tights for men! Thrush strikes back!]