[San Diego, November 17. Image via AP.]

This image provided by the San Diego Zoo shows the zoo's 15-week-old giant panda receiving his weekly veterinary exam and bestowed a name in recognition of his mother. The Chinese name, Yun Zi, which means "Son of Cloud," was one of five names posted on the Zoo's Web site during a four-day period in which people around the world could vote. "Son of Cloud" received 28 percent of the 17,526 votes cast, beating out names that meant blissful San Diego, little dragon, extraordinary bear and eternally blessed. The name "Son of Cloud" recognizes his mother, Bai Yun, whose name means "white cloud." (AP Photo/San Diego Zoo, Ken Bohn)

[Beijing, November 10. Image via Getty]

Snow-covered panda sculptures decorate the entrance to the panda enclosure at a zoo in Beijing on November 10, 2009. Chinese scientists artificially induced the second major snowstorm to wreak havoc in Beijing this season, state media said, reigniting debate over the practice of tinkering with Mother Nature. CHINA OUT AFP PHOTO (Photo credit should read STR/AFP/Getty Images)

• Cabergoline, a drug that makes women stop producing breast milk, is usually prescribed to women with HIV, but now, women are reportedly taking it for "social reasons" like wanting to return to work or not wanting the shape of their breasts to change. • A Toronto judge has ruled that a mother is using her breastfeeding schedule to keep the father of her 29-month-old daughter from seeing his child. The father says if the mother used a breast pump and gave him milk, he'd be willing to keep up with the feeding schedule. • A British sheep named Dolly has given birth to sextuplets. Sheep usually give birth to only two or three lambs at a time. Now Dolly's owners are hand-feeding the lambs because she doesn't have enough teats for all six. • China has moved the last six pandas still living in the Wolong Panda Breeding Center to another breeding facility. The preserve was badly damaged in last year's earthquake. • This Japanese potty training video shows a talking animated toilet bowl and dancing poop and pee with faces. • Residents in Melbourne, Florida are complaining because a church is holding a three-week program of "Great Sex For You" sermons in the auditorium of the local elementary school. • Voters in the Appenzell Inner Rhodes region of the Swiss Alps voted to ban naked hiking after dozens of German nudists started hiking through the region. Violators will be fined. • Eight-year-old Texas girl, Emma Hicks, steered her grandmother's SUV off the road after her grandmother had a seizure, saving both of their lives. • New U.S. Census data shows that in 2007 black college graduates made only 78 percent of the salary for comparably educated whites, which is the biggest disparity in pay between whites and blacks since 2001. • A grand jury has indicted two New York City police officers for allegedly raping a woman after they escorted her from a taxicab to her apartment while she was drunk. • New research shows children who are firstborn, breech or whose mothers are 35 or older have a significantly greater risk of having autism. • A British woman has been locked up until May 5 for violating a court order prohibiting her from having noisy sex. • Researchers have identified an area of the human genome that may contribute to the development of pelvic floor disorders like pelvic organ prolapse and stress urinary incontinence, which will affect one-third of all U.S. women at some point in their lives. • Drinking diet soda may reduce the risk of forming kidney stones. Researchers found the citrate and malate content in many diet sodas may be enough to inhibit the development of calcium stones. • Cosmopolitan's new executive editor Nicole Beland has enraged Catholic League president William Donohue by writing about a sexually repressed woman, "It's not easy to undo damage caused by years of exposure to Catholic-school nuns or overly conservative parents." Donohue says, "It would never occur to Beland that a woman who is sexually repressed might have been molested growing up ... No, for Beland it is empirically obvious that Sister Mary Alice did it." Really? That's the most offensive thing he found in Cosmo? •

[Nantes, April 4. Image via Getty.]

A girl plays with papier-mâché pandas as 1,600 have been set up by members of WWF (World Wildlife Fund) on April 4, 2009 in Nantes to symbolize there are only 1,600 pandas left on earth and to call people to do their part in helping to reverse the deterioration of our natural environment. (FRANK PERRY/AFP/Getty Images)

[Ya'an, Sichuan Province, China; December 23. Image via Getty]

Workers guide giant panda Tuan Tuan into a cage at the Bifeng Gorge Base of the China Conservation and Research Center for the Giant Panda in Ya'an on December 23, 2008. After a breakfast of carrots and steamed corn buns, two Chinese pandas embarked December 23 on a long-anticipated trip as goodwill ambassadors to Taiwan, leaving their weeping keepers behind.Tuan Tuan and Yuan Yuan, both four years old, left their enclosures at the Ya'an breeding base in southwest China's Sichuan province before dawn, beginning the day-long journey to their new home at the Taipei zoo. AFP PHOTO/Sam YEH (Photo credit should read SAM YEH/AFP/Getty Images)

• Meanwhile, why are pandas so beloved (don't ask Jessica!) and are they China's "most powerful secret weapon?" Ominous-sounding. • Rumormill: sources say that Alec Baldwin attempted to have a battle of wits with his 30 Rock co-star Tina Fey. We will say it is a lie because even Alec isn't that dumb to mess with the sharp-tongued Fey. • Want to get a "sexy bustline?" Use Easy Curves, a weird stick that will instantly perk up your pair! • A person on Yahoo Answers asks "what is a meat curtain?" and a delightful sleuth named "Bill Cosby" informs us that it means "a womens [sic] vulva and the things don't match means a persons [sic] hair is dyed because their pubes are a different colour." Mystery solved! • Apparently Obama's win means black people have "no more excuses" about the system being designed to prevent black progress? This was written by the woman who started the Marry Your Baby Daddy Day.• Rumor has it that the now-folded Playgirl Magazine has yet to pay off any of their outstanding invoices from their last issue.• Despite the fact that the New York Times reports that cosmetic surgery is declining, the Wall Street Journal reports that Botox is doing great during the recession. • True romance: an overweight Indiana couple got weight-loss surgery on the same day last week.• Shocking: binge drinking makes you less of a sex stallion between the sheets.• Not since JFK, Jr. has there been a male child in the White House, is it because girls make vigorous campaigning easier for their political parents?•

[Wolong, China; January 17, 2007. Image via Getty]

WOLONG - JANUARY 17 : (CHINA OUT) Giant panda 'Huamei II' plays in a room at the Wolong Giant Panda Bear Research Center on January 17, 2005 in Wolong of Sichuan province, southwest China. 'Huamei II' was born in the center in September of last year. The center, located high in the mountains some 130 km from Chengdu, was established in 1963 primarily to protect the habitat of the giant panda. Today the center continues to care for almost 50 pandas while focusing on breeding and research on bamboo ecology. (Photo by China Photos/Getty Images)

Panda Birth Captured On Video [Reuters]
We Dare You To Watch This Newborn Giant Panda Video Only Once [Radar]

• We were shocked and appalled to discover that Strawberry Shortcake had been given a berry slutty makeover by her corporate overlords.
• As much as we love the Shortcake, she'd make a really dumb, potentially deal-breaking tattoo.
• This week was mad girly, yo: Omg Unicorns!
• Also, Panda Sex!
• Almost as embarrassing as catching two pandas in flagrante is witnessing two dudes in the throes of a passionate mancrush.

• It's almost as excruciating as this sad tale of star cross'd nursing home lovers.
• So, like Lauren Hutton did, massage your ladyparts with an award statuette and ride your own personal unicorn off into the sunset. It's Friday!