First there's the "Not Feeling Intimate" couple from a Psychology Today piece. The gist: A young couple. Both want a baby. They'd started fighting after work, though; and when she'd get in his face, he'd push her. They sought therapy, thinking they couldn't bring a child into a violent environment.

[The therapist] said there was something the husband could do, but it was difficult and she wasn't sure he could do it. "I can do it," the husband insisted.

"In the future, whenever she begins to go after you and wants to discuss money-whether at home, at a party, on the street-put your hand under her blouse or her skirt and fondle her."

"You're not going to do that!" said the woman. "Oh yes I am!" said the man.

Not only did the tactic successfully interrupt the pattern of angry confrontation, it transformed it into a playful and warm dynamic. Within a month, she was pregnant.

Yeah, that's right. The dude who'd previously pushed his wife was now given free reign to fondle her when she was angry.

Next: A man asks Pamela Stephenson Connolly, psychologist with a column in the Guardian, if he can persuade his wife to wax her pubes. He writes:

My wife occasionally has a bikini wax, but I would prefer her pubic hair to be neater than it often is, as I believe this is all part of good grooming. I would really like her to adopt a "landing strip" style which I find very sexy and arousing. She takes trouble over her hair and makeup, so why not in this area? How can I get her to go along with my wish? Or am I just being selfish?

I didn't study psychology or psychotherapy, but my answer to this man would be: "Yes. You are being selfish. Sure, bring it up. But understand, if she says no, that you are lucky someone is fucking you in the first place. If you love her, love her as she is. Leave the hot wax near the genitalia out of it. And stop watching so much porn." But that's just me. Here's what Connolly, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist suggested the man say to his wife: "I always enjoy making love with you, but I must confess that I am turned on the most when you have just waxed. Would you please consider doing that more often? And for me, the visual appeal of a 'landing strip' guarantees extra excitement - how about giving that a try? I promise you'll like what it does to me…" Wow. Well, the commenters on Guardian's site didn't like that one bit. "Flaneuse" fumed:

We're just going to gloss over the fact that he's asking her to do something REALLY EFFING PAINFUL for his sexual pleasure, are we?

I mean, sure, you can ask. And lots of women like the pain of getting waxed, or like the results enough to tolerate the pain. But it's pretty disingenuous not to mention that you're asking your sexual partner to do something that HURTS to please you, and compare it to doing your hair and make-up.

"Bauhaus" wrote:

Why do you want your wife to look like a pre-pubescent girl?

"Opinions" ranted:

Why do men think that their callous desires are important? Doesn't this man get that his tone and suggestions are from two centuries back? His wife should do with her body as she pleases, and he has no command over that! I would love to see a photo of this man and I would suggest his wife to demand from him nothing less than the body of a male model, like that of Garrett Neff? So start dieting, going to the gym, waxing your body hair (or getting some if bold)... How would he feel if the wife turns to him with all these suggestions because she finds those more sexy and arousing? Grow up.

But maybe the best came from someone called "nocommentnc":

As an older man I would give anything for regular sex - hairy or otherwise. The years fly by much quicker than you think, so make the most of what you've got and quit quibbling over details.

You're Driving Me Crazy! [Psychology Today]
Sexual Healing [Guardian]

Writes the anonymous person:

Is it true that a woman with a short hairstyle is subconsciously indicating that she does not want sex? My wife had a drastic haircut four days before our wedding and our sex life was a damp squib from the start. The erotic side of our marriage has died completely. My wife considers me childish and says that as all other elements of our relationship are fine, I should not want more than this.

First, a few questions: While the sexual and anthropological importance of hair is well-documented as an indicator of health, beauty and desirability; and while long, lustrous hair is equated with youth, femininity and wanton sexuality; and while short hair is sometimes perceived as either asexually androgynous or I-give-up mom style... really? Is he serious? Second: did they not have sex before their wedding? When did this "damp squib" start? Because if it was pre-wedding, then it seems highly circumstantial to blame the haircut (and maybe they should have addressed these issues beforehand); and if not, there's not much basis for comparison. Is he just looking to the haircut as a means of figuring out whether he can actually blame his wife for this? How long have they been married? Do they have kids? Has her hair grown out or has she continued to cut it? I think it also needs to be asked: was she happy with the haircut, or did it go horribly wrong and make her feel unattractive? Inquiring minds want to know.

The actual advice columnist doesn't seem to be bothered by this lack of information. She says,

Cutting one's hair does not necessarily point to an avoidance of sex, although deliberately reducing one's attractiveness in a spouse's eyes may well signal some desire to push them away. You sound angry and full of longing for a fulfilling sexual relationship - and that is understandable.

Wait, "not necessarily?" I get that advice columnists — especially of the respectable, clinical psychologist variety, probably try not to judge and there are so stupid questions, but this question was idiotic, conveying as it did a certain reductive lack of self-insight and, if you want to go all out, anachronistic homophobic undertones. Besides which, doesn't it seem unlikely that anyone would strive to make herself deliberately unattractive in anyone's eyes at her own wedding? Anyway, does she know he hates her haircut, or is this some weird passive-aggressive thing, where this guy prefers to write anonymously to a stranger and pretend his marriage's deep problems can be summed up by a few inches of keratins? Connolly suggests sitting down and talking — without judging — and find out what's really behind the sexual issues. Sure. But if he thinks the clues to his marital problems lie in a trip to the salon, maybe a set of extensions would be more to the point.

Sexual Healing [The Guardian]

[Image via Moviecritic.com]