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Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
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Angrylibrarian
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
umm, chicks ask guys to trim and shave stuff all the time. Whats with the outrage?
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clevernamehere
04/30/09

@Angrylibrarian: The issue is the phrasing more than the hair removal if you read the post and the comments.
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
I just thought of something in relation to the whole avert-fights-by-groping thing. It made me think of when you're dealing with a little kid who is about to go into full tantrum mode, or a toddler who insists on trying to get into the cabinets. The method recommended is called "redirecting". Meaning distracting. Self explanatory why this similarity made me angry and disgusted. The therapist is wrong for even thinking of suggesting this, and the guy's a douche toad for actually doing it.
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sybann
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
I wonder if nocommentnc is in Raleigh and is single?
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Jack_Burton
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
Psych Today is not a scholarly journal.

Getting your head fixed via a columnist is an excursion fraught with peril.

The lawyer you're looking for is not on television.

Because someone is famous does not make them good at what they do.
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LaComtesse
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
It sounds like Therapist #1 saw one too many documentaries on bonobo chimps and thought "Oh! They start fucking when situations get agressive and tense, and they're a lot like humans, so this must work for humans as well!"

EXCEPT WE'RE NOT BONOBOS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!

Seriously, I'll bet that's where the theory comes from.
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tiredfairy
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
How is telling a couple that a form of sexual assault (unwanted sexual touching) in public places, no less, is a HEALTHY thing for their relationship?

I mean, they were fighting about money, which is a pretty big deal and sounds like a concern they should address. He would PUSH her during those arguments. And the solution is...groping her?

That's grotesque. What kind of therapist suggests that a man force sexual contact on a woman as a way to make their relationship BETTER?

I am skeeved the fuck out.
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kansasgirl
04/30/09

@tiredfairy: Actually if you read the Psychology Today article, he wouldn't push her while they were arguing - he would push her after she followed him from room to room trying to engage him in an argument and eventually planted herself in front of him blocking him from getting past. Still doesn't make pushing her okay, and still doesn't mean the psychologist gave decent advice, but she's behaving poorly herself.
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Hana Maru
04/30/09

@kansasgirl: her poor behavior does not mitigate the assault prescription, not at all. The therapist's advice is egregious and nothing either of them did mitigates that.
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CordeliaShirley
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
D:

Tilt your head to the right and that's how I look right now.
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clevernamehere
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
It amazes me how many people read this post and jump to the prepubescent girl comment rather than all of the other messed up stuff.

I do think it is unnecessary to jump from wanting his wife to wax to pedophilia, but I also think too many of the comments defending a waxed bush drift into bashing an unwaxed bush ("it's cleaner!" "its better for sex").
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Mrs. Stephen Fry
04/30/09

@clevernamehere: "I also think too many of the comments defending a waxed bush drift into bashing an unwaxed bush ("it's cleaner!" "its better for sex")."

Word. This seems just as unnecessary as the prepubescent comments.
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delicateflowernot
04/30/09

@clevernamehere: My armpits didn't start to grow hair until the onset of puberty. Following the same logic, is preferring shaved pits also a sign of pedophilia?

Although, I do find it a bit creepy when a guy is overly focused on the whole thing.
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clevernamehere
04/30/09

@delicateflowernot: Uh, WTF? I already said I didn't agree with the pedo comment.
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thegogglesdonothing
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
Although I'd never in a million years give advice that is in any way similar to what the therapist in the first scenario did, I think that people are overlooking a key aspect of the situation. Namely, the implication that the wife played a role in escalating the argument by physically getting in the husband's face, which would cause him to lose his temper and push back. What I'm pretty sure the therapist was going for is creating a situation in which the husband's physical reaction to his wife will deter her from getting in his face (i.e. she'll want to avoid being groped) in a way that doesn't involve pushing. From my reading, the 'playful, affectionate' part was more of a side effect that developed from this pattern.

That being said, this is a really risky thing to do because of the point that a lot of commenters brought up: the HIGH likelihood that the groping would be seen as a hostile act and cause the woman to become more physically aggressive in response. I agree with Dodai's commentary and many of the commenters here in stating that groping is not a positive or neutral act and shouldn't be treated as such. It would have been much better if they had collaborated on a signal that the husband could have used for "I'm getting upset, we need to take a time out from this discussion" or "you need to stand a more reasonable distance away from me."
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clevernamehere
04/30/09

@thegogglesdonothing: I think the whole situation was way more complicated than the post.

Did she even know that following him was bothering him before they came up with the groping suggestion?

Was he willing to discuss issues in other ways? I have a very passive aggressive relative who literally runs from discussing problems and it leads to something similar to this with his wife.

Following someone around is aggressive, but I'm not sure the pattern starts with the wife.
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thegogglesdonothing
04/30/09

@clevernamehere: I'm sure that you're right. The first goal in good marital therapy is to find a way of interrupting whatever the pattern is before it escalates into a full-blown argument or physical violence, to make the situation stable. After that, a more complete discussion of why each person does what they do usually follows, so some long term structural changes in the marriage can result.

Interestingly enough, research in the field has shown that the troubled marriages with the best outcomes are the ones in which wives are able to calm their husbands down, and that husbands being able to calm wives down doesn't have nearly as strong an effect. One of the issues I had with some of the marital therapies I learned when I took a class on it (I've only taken one class, and haven't performed hardly any marital therapy, so my perception is likely flawed) is that a lot of them seemed to place more of the burden of 'cooling down' the situation on the wife, which hardly seemed equitable or fair to me. Although, I suppose that you can make a case for it based on the research findings.
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Cerridwen
04/30/09

@thegogglesdonothing: But isn't fondling her still violent? I think it is. It's sexual assault, is what it is. It is a violation of her body. She clearly does not want it, if it is being used as a deterrent as you suggest. The reason to not fondle her is not because it might make her more aggressive. It's because it's fucking wrong to do that to someone's body without their consent.
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clevernamehere
04/30/09

@thegogglesdonothing: That's what bothers me. A couple of people have posted about the wife following him and while I think that's bad, I think it is a leap to say she's causing him to get physical.
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JerkoftheMonth
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
This idea - about the waxing - really pisses me off. It's because I KNOW that men wouldn't like an 'untidy' crotch because of their notions of female sexuality, and yet I still have to think that it only gets done ONLY for men (or significant others) and not out of real appreciation for one's own body. I wish women could just be hairy and have that be okay and not some aggressive claim at independence/feminism.
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
04/30/09

@JerkoftheMonth: Not every woman with a bush has one because she feels it's feminist. Some women just like it that way. And not every woman who waxes/shaves does it for her SO. Again, some women just like it that way. As for male preferences...I'm pretty sure a woman who was adverse to either growing a bush or shaving one off wouldn't do it just because a man asked her to. So in my mind, a man can have whatever preferences he wants. He just shouldn't feel entitled to force his opinions on his partner or try to bully her in any way if she's not feeling it.
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Mrs. Stephen Fry
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
I love her husband so much, but I think Pamela Connolly is a total quack. Her interview with my husband (Stephen Fry) bordered on accusatory and rude. She's a bit wacko.
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Gingerlime
04/30/09

@Mrs. Stephen Fry: could one of you please post a link to that interview?
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Mrs. Stephen Fry
04/30/09

@Gingerlime: I don't know how much of it you will find, but some of it is on YouTube. The stupid show is called Shrink Rap. Ugh.

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Tangy.Nihilista.Barcelona
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
Another lame equating of waxed pubes to looking like a "Prepubescent" girl comment again. That's not why some people prefer the waxing look. For me and a lot of people who like the pubes being waxed it is because it fills better in sex, oral sex, to the touch, etc... and it is kinda of a turn on to be able to visually see everything without hair. It has nothing do with looking like a little girl...argh, I am starting to rant.

Anyhoo, I do agree that waxed or not waxed, if I am getting sex then I am count myself lucky. Obviously no woman should be talked into it if she is not into going bare.
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
04/30/09

@Tangy.Nihilist: Thx. (see my earlier pube rant.)
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Cerridwen
04/30/09

@Tangy.Nihilist: I agree with you. However, I will NOT wax my pubic hair solely because it hurts like a motherfucker. I've tried and I just can't do it.
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whynotshesaid
04/30/09

@Tangy.Nihilist: I get what you are saying, but honestly? That shit was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. Like, on par with having a catheter inserted, except at least when the catheter was taken out I wasn't bruised and bleeding all over the place. So do try to keep that in mind when you talk about how sexy it is.
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saintbernadette
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
So, what will that guy do to his baby when it starts to throw a tantrum?
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Jello Mix
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
So let me get this straight. They are a couple with poor communication skills, aggression problems, and apparently money problems, but the solution to all this is to add a baby to the equation? Shouldn't that come AFTER they resolve all the other issues? And don't even get me started on how he's encouraged to use fondling as an avoidance technique.
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mepo - Robert Cornhole invented it
04/30/09

In reply to Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
Pamela Stephens Connolly is Billy Connolly's wife. I imagine hers may look a little....

such:[www.ananova.com]
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AtomiClash: humanitarian misanthrope
04/30/09

@mepo - Robert Cornhole invented it: no way! Now I'm all annoyed with Billy Connolly, whom I love, because he clearly married poorly.
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mepo - Robert Cornhole invented it
04/30/09

@AtomiClash is a ball-cutting cybersuccubus: He's really gone down hill in the past decade, particularly his comic timing.

[news.bbc.co.uk]
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OK_NiceLegs (formerly: thevickinator)
04/30/09

@mepo - Robert Cornhole invented it: Tell that to the packed out and engaged audience at the reading I went to a few weeks ago. Billy Collins still has it.
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mepo - Robert Cornhole invented it
04/30/09

@thevickinator: Yeah Jim Davidson can pack a hall too. Just sayin.
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