PETA is excited to announce that Joe Arpaio, the notoriously racist Arizona sheriff who fancies himself “the world’s toughest,” is now on their preferred list after he switched the jail’s food over to a vegetarian menu. Even Pam Anderson’s on board! But has everyone forgotten that Joe Arpaio is…

Shockingly, nobody is looking for any more crack party planning advice from Pippa Middleton since her book Celebrate made a fart noise that echoed throughout the publishing industry (although tips like "Make ice!!!" are extremely helpful), her following two book offers—one on wedding planning and another on…

[London, August 23. Image via INFDaily.]

• Naomi Campbell's driver says she hit him from behind and his head struck the steering wheel while they were on the road in Manhattan. When he pulled over, Naomi bolted from the SUV and police are still looking for her.

• In an exclusive interview with The Insider that airs tomorrow, Lindsay Lohan discusses her issues with her father and takes Niecy Nash on a tour of her messy house, revealing that she thinks she's a hoarder.

[Malibu, March 26. Image via INFDaily.]

• In the documentary The September Issue, Anna Wintour and company make numerous bitchy comments about cover girl Sienna Miller's appearance, saying she's "toothy" and needs a haircut. This movie sounds more fascinating every day. [ONTD]

• Kate Moss is staying in on her birthday. A pig on a spit, crates of alcohol, a tiger rug, and deer heads were delivered to her home for the gigantic party she's hosting. [Daily Mail]

• Angelina was on the red carpet in New York over the weekend, talking about her family. "Everybody's great," she said. "The babies are getting big and healthy and developing personalities." She says she has been a "little bit" sleep deprived but she and Brad find relief: "We have some help a couple of nights a week,…

• Following the terrible plane crash in which drummer Travis Barker and Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein were seriously injured, there were reports that Chris Baker, Travis's friend and business partner, was on his way to be home with his pregnant wife. These reports were erroneous. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Both Lindsay and Sam…

[Sydney, August 29. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Michael Phelps isn't really looking for a girlfriend. "I am 23 now and if I went out with a girl she wouldn't see much of me until I get past 30," he explains. That's just silly! Ladies see plenty of you. When you're wearing a swimsuit. [Daily Express]
• David and Victoria Beckham's "car crash" was actually just a car…

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where we parse tabloid punditry so you don't have to. This week marked a slight departure in tabloid fare, as Us featured potential President and First Lady Barack and Michelle Obama on the cover. Don't let it throw you; the other tabloids covered all the usual players, with In Touch, …

• Gavin Rossdale says he and Gwen Stefani are not going paint the unborn baby's room pink or blue: They're going to paint it black. Goth bébé, aww. [E!]
• John Mayer looooves to fuck with us. That's why he let himself be photographed carrying a "prescription bag" with a note that read "Experimental Human Growth Hormones,…

A jury in the inquest into Princess Diana's death has ruled that the accident that killed her was partially the fault of the paparazzi. Also contributing to the "gross negligence manslaughter" was Diana and Dodi Al Fayed's driver, Henri Paul, who was drunk, and the fact that neither Dodi nor Diana were wearing…

Wow, Miley Cyrus really loves Jesus. On the latest installment of the youtube show Miley runs with her bff Mandy Jiroux called the "Miley and Mandy Show," Miley said, "We love Jesus! Jesus rocks! She dances for Jesus. I sing, dance and act for Jesus!...Now that I think about it, I do everything for Jesus. We make the…

Paris Hilton is in Johannesburg, South Africa with BF Benji Madden, where she allegedly told reporters, "I love Africa in general — South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries." She is such a waste of flesh and weaves. •Harry Potter scribe J.K. Rowling says she was suicidal in her twenties after she…

Has Winona Ryder been caught stealing again?? The National Enquirer is reporting that Winona left the Hollywood CVS Pharmacy with a bunch of makeup she didn't pay for. It is the National Enquirer, so grain of salt, but if it's true, Oh, Noni!!! What are you thinking?? • Is Miley Cyrus courting paparazzi attention?…

[Paris, February 12. Image via Splash.]