• Despite a little wave in the direction of potential independent women voters earlier this year, anti-abortion Republicans feel much better today that McCain is fooling independents and not them about his position on abortion. Of course, he also talked about how he wouldn't have nominated the 4 liberal justices on the Supreme Court despite having voted to confirm all of them but Stephens (nominated before McCain took office), but, details, people.[Time]
• Another juicy tidbit: McCain thinks the dividing line between the middle and the "upper" class is $5 million in yearly income. But it doesn't matter because he's not going to raise anyone's taxes, and especially not yours! [Politico]
• In other laughable news, the Republican National Convention is "going green" by putting out a whole 300 recycling bins and loaning out 1,000 bicycles to convention goers. That should be quite a sight to see. [Politico]

• Bob Remer, a Clinton delegate from Illinois, is trying to kill the caucus systems in the states that have them, but it totally has nothing to do with Clinton failing to get the nomination. He's really concerned about those people in Nevada, damn it! Even if they, you know, like their system fine the way it is. [HuffPo]
• The Amethyst Initiative is recruiting college presidents and calling on lawmakers to reduce the drinking age to 18 from 21. They rightly note that college kids all drink anyway, but MADD and their supporters say that colleges could totes eliminate underage drinking if they really tried. It's worked so well all these years, after all [Boston Globe]
• People in Pakistan are celebrating the resignation of President Pervez "Uncle Pervy" Musharraf today. Instead of two peace signs, he raised his fists. That seems about right for him. [LA Times]

The foundation was set up by Masarrat Misbah, the successful owner of the Depilex salon in Pakistan, whose work not only helped Liaqat and Akbar get training and find work in her salon (despite the complaints of some of her clients, who feel strange looking at disfigured women) but has helped them and more than 83 other women get the reconstructive surgery they need. Misbah was inspired to help disfigured women by a beggar outside of her salon, who was attacked by her acid-wielding husband.

Liaqat knows a little about that — married to a stranger by her family at age 15, the arrangement stated that she would live with her parents until she finished school. He didn't like that idea, so he stopped by the house one afternoon 5 years ago and threw acid on her. He's currently in prison facing attempted murder charges, but they're still married. She's slightly luckier than Akbar, who was married by the age of 22 to an abusive stranger. After they had a daughter, he doused her in kerosene while she slept and lit her ablaze. Unlike Liaqat, she lacked the support of her family, so she never filed charges in her attack and her now-ex husband has sole custody of their daughter. Both women hope that their jobs in Misbah's salon will help them achieve self-sufficiency in a society that relies on husbands to provide for their wives.

Lest anyone start in about this being cultural, or limited to Pakistan, we encourage you all to recall the story of Yvette Cade, a Maryland woman set ablaze by her husband while at work after she attempted to get a restraining order against him. Sadly for all of us, this kind of jealousy, possessiveness and abuse isn't limited to a country, a region or a religion.

Pakistani Women Burned By Acid Or Fire Rely On Beauty Of Others [LA Times]
Portraits Of Brutality [MSNBC]
Hargrave Sentences To Life In Prison For Murder Attempt [Washington Examiner]

• Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, facing perjury charges in one case and assault charges in another, has been ordered to remain in Detroit instead of attending the Democratic convention. He tried to argue that his presence was really important to the Democratic party, but if Obama doesn't feel it's necessary to play nice with John Edwards, it's no surprise that his spokesman denied wanting Kilpatrick around either. [Washington Post]
• In other convention news, Hillary Clinton's going to get the opportunity to watch people vote for her Presidential campaign one last time before really, totally turning her delegates over to Obama. [Washington Post]
• And while some people I know are against Evan Bayh for VP because of war-mongeriness, others will probably turn against him upon finding out that he'd bring Mark Penn aboard as an adviser. Ugh. [Attackerman, The Atlantic]

• Jackson Browne is suing John McCain for copyright infringement for using his song "Running on Empty" in anti-Obama ads. He's not just mad about not getting paid, though — he, too, is an Obamaniac. [LA Times]
• John Moore, author of an anti-Bush book, like a number of other prominent Democrats (like Ted Kennedy) and anti-Bush types has found his name on the government's no-fly list. The FBI swears it's not political as though people actually believe that, and Moore says, "I'm stuck with everyone else on this list, wondering, am I someone's political enemy or do I live in a country where the government is just utterly and completely incompetent." Dude, like it can't be both at the same time? [CNN]
• Female suicide bombers returned to their regularly scheduled bombing programming earlier than I predicted on Tuesday. [Associated Press]
• Victoria Osteen prevailed in the lawsuit filed against her by a supposedly-wronged flight attendant. It might be actual justice, but where's the justice in my loss of Schadenfreude? [Associated Press]
• Uncle Pervy might resign, but it might not save him from prosecution. If it doesn't, why wouldn't he just hold stage another coup or something? Like we'd complain? [HuffPo]

MOE: Yo, sorry, I have been working on this freelance piece that is disrupting my normal function. I haven't looked at Drudge in a good 24 hours. I just felt so undernourished I bought a Starbucks Vivanno. WHOA what the fuck???

MEGAN: I know, I saw that! What's even worse is that he was a colleague of the guy the FBI totally thought did it and leaked to the press about and finally had to declare innocent and pay millions of dollars to. Kinda makes you wonder what his motives were, right?

Also, his little escapades contaminated half the building, which he totally tested off-the-record and in secret.

MOE: Yeah, Hatfill. Hatfill, who that Vanity Fair linguist pegged.

MEGAN: Well, the FBI pegged him to everyone.

MOE: Right. My mind is still blown here.

After the government's settlement with Hatfill was announced in late June, Ivins started showing signs of strain, the Times said. It quoted a longtime colleague as saying Ivins was being treated for depression and indicated to a therapist that he was considering suicide. Family members and local police escorted Ivins away from the Army lab, and his access to sensitive areas was curtailed, the colleague told the newspaper. He said Ivins was facing a forced retirement in September.

MEGAN: I dunno, the subtext there is that he did it as much to frame Hatfill as anything else, right? Am I just being too suspicious?

MOE: So the whole thing where IT HAS TO BE HATFILL BECAUSE HE WENT TO SCHOOL NEAR A RHODESIAN TOWN CALLED GREENDALE... apparently not! Do you think he just hated Hatfill? This is seriously the most awesome twist to a seriously awesome story. As you can tell, I am at a loss for words. Will you do the intro today?

MEGAN: Sure. And I'm just going to throw this in there even though no one but me and Charlotte Corday probably care, but the wife of the former Prime Minister of Thailand that the military deposed in a coup whose supporters still run the post-military government was convicted of tax evasion yesterday. But none of their supporters particularly care and that's sort of why it's bad to depose a Democratically elected government in a coup and then go after all the corrupt people because she may have not paid her taxes BUT YOU PUT TANKS IN THE STREETS.

Also, I miss my lobbying days this morning. The one time I went to a Chamber afterparty (with Alex Pareene!), I had to pay my own bar tab but I did share a cab to my neighborhood with some random guy that I thought drunkenly was part of the group and wasn't but he was really hot.

MOE: Um, yeah, I don't know what to say about Thaksin, really, can we stay on task here? The Thai military might have put tanks in the street over THERE, but they also let elephants run free and never even got a cool colonial name like Rhodesia. This guy killed like 6 AMERICANS, MOST OF WHOM WORKED FOR THE POSTAL SERVICE. And rendered every editor in America terrified to open the mail.

MEGAN: And Hill staffers! Don't forget the Daschle intern he poisoned.

MOE: With brothers like these!

The eldest of his two brothers, Thomas Ivins, said he was not surprised by the events that have unfolded. "He buckled under the pressure from the federal government," Thomas Ivins said, adding that FBI agents came to Ohio last year to question him about his brother. "I was questioned by the feds, and I sung like a canary" about Bruce Ivins' personality and tendencies, Thomas Ivins said.
"He had in his mind that he was omnipotent."

Feds before bros I guess. Remember when the Right was telling everyone the anthrax came from IRAQ? Motherfucker.

MEGAN: Well, Ted Kaczynski's brother turned him in, actually. I mean, when your brother is a sociopathic mass murderer, I think it's cool.

C'mon, here's something you'll like: GM lost more money last quarter than Exxon made.

MOE: Here's a news organization that really doesn't deserve any stray spores:

In a nation in which 66% of the voting-age population is overweight and 32% is obese, could Sen. Obama's skinniness be a liability? Despite his visits to waffle houses, ice-cream parlors and greasy-spoon diners around the country, his slim physique just might have some Americans wondering whether he is truly like them.

MEGAN: Oh, God, really? That's what the WSJ has to say? Obama's not fat enough to lead?

Um, sorry, new brief tangent, Daniel Craig is going to play some (hot) bisexual Roman king or something. Is it too much to hope that he'll be shirtless the entire movie?

MEGAN: And, switching gears again, John Rich of country music band Big and Rich penned a new song for John McCain and it sounds sucktastic.

He stayed strong, stayed extra long til they let all the other boys out. Now we've got a real man with an American plan, we're going to put him in the big White House.

MOE: Okay, that Times story reminds me of a thing that I think about earnings stories which is that they should just all come with little graphics so you know exactly what they're talking about. Like, I don't think that story lists a revenue figure for the quarter, though here

The company lost $4.4 billion in North America in the period, and its revenues dropped 33 percent, from $29.7 billion to $19.8 billion. That compared with a profit of $92 million in the quarter a year ago.

it looks like they list a North American revenue figure. I'm not sure. Anyway, the point is, net profit figures exist mostly to win the sympathies of the IRS and thus, when you see that one company's "losses" exceed another company's earnings, you kind of have to look a little closer at like how $83 billion in OIL earnings became $11 billion on profits. And that's where you learn that EXXON actually also lost money in the united states, due to the same commodity prices that earned it so much in its "upstream" exploration business. Which is to say, I throw up my hands. I'm still smarting from this Ivins dude.
"Why isn't this story the lead story in every newscast in America?" that blonde Fox anchor just asked.
GUESS WHAT IS.

MEGAN: Barack Obama "playing the race card"? Charlie Rangel not getting censured for doing shady shit? The Pakistani government cooperating in bombing the Indian embassy in Kabul? Oh, wait, hahaha, yeah, Americans don't give a shit about that.

McCain being senile? Rielle Hunter's baby's birth certificate not listing a father because under California law if there's not a husband she needs the father to sign a bunch of legal paperwork agreeing that he is?

MOE: Oh Jesus. That's what you get for not sufficiently appreciating Musharraf? Or what?

The government officials were guarded in describing the new evidence and would not say specifically what kind of assistance the ISI officers provided to the militants. They said that the ISI officers had not been renegades, indicating that their actions might have been authorized by superiors.
“It confirmed some suspicions that I think were widely held,” one State Department official with knowledge of Afghanistan issues said of the intercepted communications. “It was sort of this ‘aha’ moment. There was a sense that there was finally direct proof.”

MEGAN: Or it was in the works before Uncle Pervy left? Who knows. I thought when India and Pakistan both got nukes they were done being mad at each other.

But what, is the Fox News girl sad isn't the lead story? Inquiring minds want to know...

MOE: What do you think it is really direct proof of? Like, direct proof the universe is completely fucked? Direct proof civil liberties are overrated?

Oh, and the story was this a-ha moment Lots of a-ha moments today!

MEGAN: Oh, for Chrissakes. We've become so fat and so lazy that we want a pill to make it all better? Like, we'll spend untold millions of dollars researching and then paying for a pharmaceutical product to prevent having to go for a freaking walk?

MOE: But think of the countless BLOGGER LIVES IT WILL SAVE.

MEGAN: Until they discover the side effect that using it in conjunction with Movable Type causes seizures and brain damage, not that that's not already a side effect of Movable Type.

Hey, so, like, wanna address the elephant in the virtual room? Because I won't get to say it other than in the comment threads and shit, but I'm going to miss doing this with you. It was fun even when I was hungover and depressed and it and you were the reasons I got out of bed in the mornings the weeks after I got fired from Wonkette. Well, I mean, woke up anyway. I wrote a lot of them from bed.

MOE: Uhhhhh I don't do goodbyes very well. And somehow I don't think this will be the last time I'm on the Crappy Hour. I actually have a lot of ideas for how you should improve it in my absence that I'm going to write you a memo about. But yeah, like, I learned a lot of stuff doing this! Like how having a hangover doesn't always help one's writing! And how much I hate memes. Also, we are going to get that Bloggingheads ripoff idea worked out if I have to send you a fancy camera. That will be soooooo fun.

MEGAN: Yeah, I sort of suck at goodbyes, too, and I'm glad to hear you're not completely opposed to the idea of doing this again because, well, I mean, it's kinda weird contemplating doing it without you ever. Also, my dad mostly fixed my other computer with which my camera is more compatible, so I think that's totally do-able. And I look forward to your memo, which I will proceed to get stinking drunk in your honor before I read.

MOE: And yeah, Spencer? You should try to enlist Mike Madden of Salon some mornings. Pressler owes us an IM or too. I mean shit, I could do it once a week. But I like the ones where there's a focus, like OIL or PEDOPHILE FUNDAMENTALIST MORMONS or ANDY SAMBERG AND HIS $300 MILLION ALBANIAN AMMUNITIONS whatever. Or, like that one day when we were all set to join the Iranian resistance! Or that charming KBR gang rape story! So much, so much we have been through together.

MEGAN: Shh, Spencer will be hurt when he finds out that we're thinking about opening ourselves up to other men! But, um, yeah, I'm got some ideas in that regard, too, I mean, I'm rarely a one-man woman, intellectually speaking. I have been a one-woman woman for a bit, now, though, except for that one time with Sinister Rouge but she tempted me so! But the ones where we stayed with one topic were pretty cool.

MOE: Yeah I think I'd like to do a one-topic one every so often. Maybe once a week! And commenters can decide the topic! We can poll them! And challenge them to present us with appropriate reading materials so we don't have to do all the work! Hahaha remember when I wanted to poll them as to which job I should take? Good times. I was going to try and find "I Hate You, I Love You" by the Dead Milkmen to express my commenter gratitude but I can't so you'll have to make do with this. God if the Dead Milkmen would write a song about Alycia Lane that would be like our anthem. The dead milkmen and Santogold.

I miss Philly.

• Nancy Pelosi said aloud today what everyone knows implicitly and no one ever acknowledges: when the right-wingers talk about "San Francisco values," they're condemning San Franciscans for not spitting on the LGBT community with a wink and a nod. Tolerance is so for liberals. [HuffPo]
• Speaking of the intolerance of the right, an inspector general's report has unsurprisingly concluded that Monica Goodling and Kyle Sampson inappropriately used political considerations when hiring at the Justice Department. Goodling asked interviewees what they liked most about Bush, what their stances on abortion were and, in one case, refused to renew a prosecutor's appointment believing him to be gay or at least, very metrosexual. Hey, it was 2006, that phrase was still acceptable! [Washington Post]

• Not to dwell on Bushies, but, um, one of them called the Iraq War "fucking stupid." He helped design a counterinsurgency strategy that relied on more than boots on the ground that we've partially ignored, but he is an Aussie after all. That accent doesn't translate well into "Texan." [Washington Independent]
• What translates a little easier is a McCain adviser promising conservatives that McCain won't really push a greenhouse gas plan because candidates always promise stuff they won't deliver on. Here's hoping he says that about McCain, oh, another couple of hundred times between now and November. [Think Progress]
• Hillary Clinton's totally hitting the trail for Obama once she gets done catching up in the Senate, Terry McAuliffe swears. And he's, like, totally reliable. [CNN]
• John McCain had another mole removed today, which reminds us to always wear sunscreen and that John McCain is really old. [CNN, John McCain Is Really Old]
• Obama is reportedly seriously vetting Virginia Governor Tim "not Mc" Kaine for the VP slot, but Tim just makes us wonder what is up with the eyebrows of Virginia's past 3 governors. They're really bushy and strange. It is becoming a great way to handicap the Governor's race down there, though. [Washington Post]

• So, hooray, Ted Kennedy is out of the hospital. [NY Times]
• But, tomatoes might kill all of us, and I ain't even talking about the mutant kind. [Washington Post, Killer Tomatoes, with full info from the FDA]
• But daily sex with your partner definitely won't, though it will propel you to the top of the NY Times most emailed list and, actually, that might be more depressing than killer tomatoes. [NY Times]
• But it's okay because the Democrats "stunning" refusal to grant telephone companies legal immunity for doing potentially illegal things means the terrorists are all winning so we'll all be dead soon, so you might as well eat some damn tomatoes and try fucking tonight. [NY Times]

• It doesn't help any that Michelle and Barack Obama are sending super-secret signals to al Qaeda through their open use of the fist pound. No, for real, someone said that. I wish I was kidding. [Politico]
• I will continue to play Cassandra and point out that 17% of Clinton supporters currently plan to vote for McCain in November and another 22% plan to stay home, and that doesn't even count all the people I know that keep telling me they're going to make her a write-in candidate. Oh, and she's totes McCain's new BFF, what with her "centrist foreign policy views," as McCain aide and former National Review writer Michael Goldfarb says. [CNN]
• But, I can always get cheered up by talking trash about Cheney. [LA Times]
• But there's always something to bring me down, like about how you can actually catch a dude giving you a roofie and call the cops and go to the hospital and be able to prove it but the prosecutors can claim there's not enough evidence. Paging BAngieB. [LA Times]
• Oh, and, naturally, we've diverted all this humanitarian aid money that used to go to doing humanitarian stuff in Pakistan to helping them help us fight the War on Terror, you know, like finding Osama and shit, which means that lots of good humanitarian projects, like helping women fight and recover from abusive relationships, are severely underfunded. [Washington Times]
• But, hey, Scott McClellan is going to testify under oath about what little he knows about the nefarious doings in the Bush Administration. That should accomplish exactly nothing [HuffPo]
• I think I'll stick with let's get drunk (on Bloody Marys, natch, since vodka kills germs) and screw.

MEGAN: No, the Clinton thing is totally epic, I fully support a separate post for that.
MOE: ok cool... i suppose then that we should talk about... florida and michigan, jeremiah wright, rosencrantz & gildenstern…
MEGAN: Wait, aren't they dead?
MEGAN: (Sorry, it was a pun that had to be made)
MOE: we all die is sort of the point
MEGAN: That's sort of existential for this time of the morning, I thought I was supposed to be the depressed one!

MEGAN: By the way, I meant to say, all I dreamt about last night was Bill Clinton and economic insecurity.
MOE: Dude Dodai and I saw the Sex & The City movie. All I dreamt about was…shoes.
MOE: NO NOT REALLY.
MEGAN: Aw, those would've been some awesome dreams, though.
MOE: I would say the movie made me ill, but I was ill before…it's just such A Soul Murdering Work Of Staggering Consumerism
MEGAN: Yeah, that's sort of why I went to see Indiana Jones instead. That, and the fact that my companion was a straight guy.

MEGAN: Anyway, so that that Pfleger guy is the new Wright and Obama's church is the story that shall never die even though he quit it this weekend and no one can answer the riddle of why they would continue to tape the damn sermons.
MOE: This Pfleger guy is soooooo much more fascinating than Jeremiah Wright. WHERE DID HE COME FROM? And unrelated: Did you read how there are still seven or eight Jews in Baghdad? It totally is ruling the Most Emailed List, as if it were a story about pandas or spotted owls, only that's really now how it is…anyway their synagogue closed after the war "made it too dangerous for them to worship openly." Great going, us! And everyone used to be so nice, and Muslims were nice to Jews and Sunnis were nice to Shiites, but not anymore, except that there are so few Jews that the Muslims actually are still nice to them…anyway. Back to Pfleger.

MEGAN: Right, because the only violence the Iraqi state used to countenance under Saddam Hussein was the violence that it itself committed against the Kurds and political dissidents! But, yes, Pfleger.
MOE: Dude, has someone made a mashup of this vs. Harriet Christian? Because that sort of demands to be done.
MEGAN: By the way, in point of fact, "der Pfleger" is German for "male nurse." Not that that's important.
MEGAN: Oh, God, Harriet Christian. What a wack job. "Inadequate black male," Harriet? Gosh, Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones must've loved that shit.

MOE: Seriously, okay, the thing here is 1. If it didn't sufficiently speak to Pfleger's own point that what he said was probably just as offensive to most folks as anything Jeremiah Wright said but it's harder to argue with him because he is himself white, then 2. Harriet Christian pretty much does the rest of his job for him.
MOE: And the Rosencrantz reference was MoDowd's. So unlike me, I know.
MEGAN: I don't know, was Pfleger more acceptable? Was he just the straw that broke the camel's back, or was it worse?
MOE: The thing is that this lede

They say that every president gets the psychoanalyst he deserves. And every Hamlet gets his Rosencrantz.

is typically retarded, but I remember that play being my favorite thing I'd ever read back in high school, and maybe that's why McClellan appeals! Except McClellan was probably aiming more for Guildenstern. Spokespretty Dana Perino can be Rosencrantz.
MEGAN: Is openly mocking Hillary Clinton worse than "God damn America" and "the government invented AIDS" and shit?
MOE: See, I guess I didn't see Pfleger until after I'd seen Harriet Christian. How come no one has made a mashup of this shit yet?
MEGAN: Nope. Could we set it to, like, Keystone Kops music?
MOE: Someone should do that, and then splash in some Michael Richards
MEGAN: Ooh, right.

MEGAN: Anyway, so Howard Dean (who is apparently the new devil to Hillary supporters) called Geraldine Ferraro's comments on race "outside the mainstream and unhelpful." That's a start, really.
MOE: Here's a little passage from a Chicago Tribune story about how Rev. Pfleger got into this line of work:

Clements has remained an activist ever since, leading anti-drug campaigns, encouraging black adoptions, convincing parishioners to open their hearts to ex-offenders. He often joins forces with a white activist priest, Rev. Michael Pfleger, the pastor of St. Sabina Catholic Church on the South Side. As it turns out, Pfleger was also in Marquette Park the day King was hit with the rock.

PFLEGER WAS 16, a kid from nearby Thomas Moore parish. Everywhere he went for several days leading up to the march, people in his Southwest Side neighborhood were talking about the pending march. Why couldn't they stay in their own place? They took away our old house. They took away our old neighborhood. They took away our old church. They drove us out. Now is the time to draw the line.

Pfleger and two friends hopped on their bikes and rode to the park to see if they could get a look at King, the man who was causing all the trouble. When they got to the park, it was scary. "I saw this hate," he says. "I had never seen them, my neighbors, like that. I'd never seen that side of white people."

His neighbors were cursing and throwing rocks. There were police in riot gear and there he was, King, looking calm, trying to say something to the mob. But Pfleger couldn't hear over the screams of "Niggers, go home!"

MOE:

"King was in control," Pfleger recalls. "And the more in control he was, the angrier the crowd became. I thought to myself, 'Either this man is crazy, or this man has some sort of power I want to know about.' It was the greatest, most powerful class in non-violence I'll ever get in my life."

The next day, Pfleger started reading whatever he could find about the march and about King. He cut out photos of King and taped them to the back of his bedroom closet door as a sort of shrine. Today, in his office at St. Sabina, he has half a dozen photographs of him: King addressing thousands of people at the rally at Soldier Field, King speaking at a temple on the North Shore, King and a young Jesse Jackson the night before King was assassinated in Memphis in 1968.

"People ask me all the time why I became a priest," Pfleger says. "I tell them it was really a black Baptist minister who called me into ministry. My activism today was unquestionably birthed that day in Marquette Park. I think of him as a mentor."

MOE: That's from 2006
MOE: In 2002 he was involved in some controversy when a black team joined his mostly white suburban Catholic school league and parents were like "we don't want to go play there it's unsafe."
MEGAN: "I'd never seen that side of white people," kind of helpfully sums up what I think every right-thinking person's view of racism is. Like, the horror that you could be associated with something that is so very, very obviously deeply wrong.

MEGAN: The first time you see it or experience it, it should make you sick to your stomach that there are people like that in the world.
MOE: So here's the question: Geraldine Ferraro: obviously unhelpful. Michael Pfleger: more helpful than unhelpful, over the long haul, I believe. And yeah, racism is completely stomach churning the first time you experience it from your community. I mean, my initial experiences were all in Asia, which was slightly different, because it was like, my little kid friends grumbling about how Chinese spit and/or smelled and/or always insisted on touching our hair. It was beyond my comprehension at the time how they could even think those things, to be honest. It used to bother me so much. I would stand there dutifully while someone touched my hair and yearn to apologize for the Opium Wars and having an air conditioner and such. Oh… phew! Geraldine Ferraro is now back on Fox. Someone needed to put the crap back in this Crappy Hour!

MEGAN: OMG, she looks so freaking happy to be on Fox. Goddammit, Geraldine, try to look a little less self-satisfied.
MEGAN: Dude, they just completely laughed at her when she quoted Jackie Mason. I'm beginning to be uncomfortable.
MEGAN: Oh, are you kidding? She's like, "If people said that crap about Obama, we would be horrified." Oh, really, Geraldine? You mean, like, when Andrew Cuomo said that Obama cannot "shuck and jive" at a press conference and his press people successfully convinced everyone to ignore it and not a single Democratic party leader in NY or beyond called him out on it?
MOE: I'm clarifying the Pfleger thing; it was his school in the "dangerous" neighborhood, and his school was rejected from the Southside Catholic Conference or something on account of that, and then he went public with racism charges, and then a lot of Catholics were like "why couldn't he have been a little quieter about this shit."

MEGAN: Ah, lovely. Well, Chicago is such a lovely, well-planned city. Ahem.
MOE: Jesus I didn't even know what "shuck n jive" meant.

"To shuck and jive" originally referred to the intentionally misleading words and actions that African-Americans would employ in order to deceive racist Euro-Americans in power, both during the period of slavery and afterwards. The expression was documented as being in wide usage in the 1920s, but may have originated much earlier. "Shucking and jiving" was a tactic of both survival and resistance. A slave, for instance, could say eagerly, "Oh, yes, Master," and have no real intention to obey. Or an African-American man could pretend to be working hard at a task he was ordered to do, but might put up this pretense only when under observation. Both would be instances of "doin' the old shuck 'n jive."

MEGAN: Yes. It's a racist term.
MOE: Um yeah.
MEGAN: But his press people called everyone in the universe (I ought to know) and were like "he meant bobbing and waving!!! you're taking it out of context" and I was like, there's no context for that
MOE: What I wonder is if there would have been way more of those types of slips had Barack Obama been more stereotypical. Had he not been reared with such colossal reserves of cultural capital, the "something for everyone" biography, the arugula plus the brotherhood plus the atheist mom plus the Indonesian stepdad etc. etc.…had he simply been more stereotypical, had he had an "I could have been baking cookies all those years" moment. Do you think there would be more overt racism involved in his campaign? Because I did, but quotes like Cuomos

MOE: Quotes like Cuomo's just make me think it doesn't even matter. They're digging through the history books, finding the anachronistic phrases that will send messages to the right constitutents…so I guess it is less overt.
MEGAN: I mean, he's had his cookie-baking moments, in my opinion, his "stereotypical white person" about his grandmother and stuff. But, yeah, I mean, it horrifies me that either these very bright politicians are using these fucking "code" words like "shucking and jiving" and "kid" and whatever else so that people under a certain age who don't know them won't know that they're being racist and people over a certain age will get the reference. It's like Bush and his fucking evangelical code word bullshit in all his States of the Union and shit.
MOE: But like, it's just racism. You get to the point where, as we've discussed before, he's inoculated himself to this shit, to the point David Duke himself can't get it up to really hate on Obama, and yet we've got Harriet Christian of Manhattan… it makes no sense.
MEGAN: Because, I'm sorry, you don't grow up in the South when they grew up, you don't get to talk about how inspiring the civil rights movement was to you as a politician and then claim not to know.
MOE: And…re racism, institutional: did you read the Post Magazine cover story on Tatum O'Neal's drug of choice? Because I didn't have time but I should have.
MEGAN: I didn't, either, I was still all obsessing about politics, but the sentence disparities for crack v. powder cocaine are completely fucked
MOE: Here's his spiel before Congress:

My name is Michael Short. I am here because in 1992 I was sentenced for selling crack cocaine. Before that, I had never spent a day in prison. I came from a good family. I had no criminal history. I was not a violent offender. But I was sentenced to serve nearly 20 years. I was 21 years old.

They'll be chatting about the story at noon for anyone who still thinks racism exists in this country!
'
MEGAN: But, no, see, it's not racism it's racial resentment, didn't you learn anything?
MOE: Newsbreak Terror Roundup: an attack on the Danish embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, a growing sphere of influence for the Taliban, has killed six, Syria has agreed to allow IAEA weapons inspectors to check out its North Korean JV, and something about the Iraqi jail system being less terrible than before. And should we talk about Puerto Rico?
MEGAN: Oh, sure, Puerto Rico. Hillary won! Ricky Martin danced!
MOE: Oh dude, I didn't see the National Review had run six separate stories on Friday trashing McClellan. Good grief.
MEGAN: Well, you know, it's like proving that someone's not a witch by piling stones on them. When they've crushed his chest, he'll be redeemed.
MOE: Ugh, I hate the "well-worn tell-all path" line. I just don't subscribe to the "All ousted tools of the idiocracy are unhappy in the same way" line of reasoning, but if anyone tracks down his partisan ghostwriter the Prince Of Darkness…is probably too lazy but he'll get a lot of hits with misleading headlines suggesting he has!

MEGAN: I really think PoD is giving Bobby too much credit. Let's return to caling him the Earl of Minor Despair. Or the Count of Emotionally-Instigated Intestinal Distress
MOE: Wait, he has emotions?
MOE: Ya think?

Obama's Latest Pastor Disaster [Newsweek/WaPo]
Hillary Clinton Attacked At Barack Obama Church [YouTube]
Clinton Supporter Thrown Out Of Rules Committee Meeting [YouTube]
Glamoracy [Glamour]

MEGAN: So, you want to talk Lebanon for a second? Also, are my eyes deceiving me or is the guy in that picture carrying his big machine gun with an arm that is no longer attached to a hand? And is that a statement on how intractable this conflict is that even people who have lost limbs in it and can't afford prosthetics just learn how to fire big ass guns with their stumps?
SPENCER: hezbollah has the most extensive social-service network in lebanon
it would hardly surprise me that an amputee, grateful for hezb's help after, say, an israeli artillery barrage decimated his home in tyre in summer 06, would grip up and help hezbollah seize beirut
those shiite militia groups are really good at hearts and minds
MEGAN: And, yet, reportedly, not great husbands. Probably also shit boyfriends. Anyway, so, moving on, how exciting it that, for the first time since the Cold War, Russia has decided to put its armory on display for a big political event! Political rallies: not just for goosestepping anymore!
SPENCER: wait wait why move on?
i don't do russia
my friends chris and rania are reporters in beirut
i turn to them for my lebanon news
but those assholes had to be in dubai when the shit went down
so, sigh
MEGAN: Except for the whole "it's safer in Dubai" thing.
SPENCER: ok now we can move on. what do you think of this russia stuff?
MEGAN: I think the new guy is cute except for the way that Putin's constantly elbow-deep in his ass to make him talk. That's a little off-putting.
SPENCER: did Putin work something out where he'll be prime minister or something after Medevedevedev becomes president? Or am I confused?
MEGAN: You're not confused, and he is PM right now, Meddie was inaugurated earlier this week as Pres and Pooty-Poot as PM (and, yes, I did watch Lil Bush last night, the second season is hilariously good).
Also, I'm sort of out of things to say on Russia unless the time I recount trying to negotiate with their guy on what should've been to them a relatively minor point in their WTO accession package when I was a lobbyist. It was minor to them, it was major to my industry and we were going to oppose the finalization of any agreement without them giving us something and the dude was super happy to talk to me about it because he wanted to stare at my tits. When he realized that I knew what I was talking about, he decided he didn't speak English and walked away, and the guy from the embassy just smiled at me with embarrassment.
SPENCER: the only point i can add about russia
yesterday at the bar a journo friend told me that the FBI got in touch with him
because they're "concerned" about a russian he MIGHT have come in contact with
MEGAN: I know something that will excite you to talk about though... the Pakistanis and Jay Hood.
SPENCER: he was commander of JTF-GTMO when i was there on a visit in 2005
MEGAN: Well, and the Pakistanis for some crazy reason don't want him in their country...
SPENCER: i mean
who was the genius that decided it would be a good idea to send the ex-commander of an island prison for muslims to the most volatile and restive muslim country on the planet
hood is not the problem
if you want a real military villain for gtmo, look no further than Maj. Gen. Geoffrey Miller
miller is more Legacy of Brutality than the fucking Misfits
MEGAN: I mean, is anyone involved in Gitmo, like, good?
SPENCER: he's the guy who told ricardo sanchez the most fateful mixed-message in the war on terror: "Gitmo-ize" Abu Ghraib, and here's how we do it over there, but oh by the way, we don't have to follow the Geneva Conventions and you do
kthxbai wink wink
the Navy guards who walk the blocks, they're good
those guys are like 18 yrs old and have to deal with detainees throwing shit-blood-puke cocktails at them
this one guard in 2005, she told me, you wouldn't believe what i go through to wash that out of my hair
MEGAN: Yeah, that sucks, it doesn't seem like it's their fault.
SPENCER: no more than it's the fault of the bank teller for your house going into forclosure
MEGAN: Not my house! I'm still solvent! Knocking wood furiously right now.
SPENCER: one quick gtmo story:
this one soldier who was my minder at the base was given liberty to get drunk with us at the officers club — and omfg is gtmo a weird but awesome place to get shitfaced — started to get rowdy when he learned that i had been to his favorite montreal strip club
"fuck yeah! you're my BOY!"
yelling at the top of his lungs at 3 am
then he quit the army and ran for congress in pennsylvania. true story.
MEGAN: Why have you been to a strip club in Montreal? Also, who has a favorite strip club in Montreal?
SPENCER: club supersex
it rules, that's why
me and my friends went there for the millenium & liked it so much we went the next year
the next new year's that is
btw
great job not talking about the primary!
after yesterday's comment-thread disaster
MEGAN: Like, how big of a strip-club afficianado do you have to be to have picked out a favorite?
SPENCER: i think when you go to supersex there really is no close second
unless you count the lusty lady in SF which i hear is kickass and feminist but i've never been
my friend's exgf used to dance there
christ she was hot
MEGAN: You and I are pretty much going to disagree on the greatness of strip clubs.
I'm not deliberately ignoring, but, like what's happened in the last 24 hours? Clinton's still not getting out, Obama's ignoring that, McCain's still walking around being McCain. And Clinton doesn't have that much money right now.
SPENCER: did you see mccain's ad with his mom?
it's eerie how he looks older than his mother
MEGAN: I think that's just makeup. I saw his mother at the White House Correspondents Dinner. She looked old.
Oh, and Arianna Huffington says that McCain didn't vote for Bush in 2000, or he told a bunch of Hollywood types he didn't but he says she's full of shit.
SPENCER: i happen to know but only in an off the record way that arianna is right
MEGAN: I'm sure she's right, I just think it's funny that she's the only one out campaigning against McCain right now, and is less likely to be believed by the people she's trying to convince than even the other candidates.
SPENCER: you would have to be a saint to vote for the man who called racists in south carolina to say you fathered a black baby with a prostitute
or have no self-respect
MEGAN: Yeah, and McCain's no saint and he definitely has plenty of ego to go around.

Talaq lacks any significant 'due process' for the wife, its use, moreover, directly deprives the wife of the 'due process' she is entitled to when she initiates divorce litigation in this state.

None of those women are Farah, by the way. But they are a way to show happy women from another country not looking oppressed. Farah told reporters by phone that she's "ecstatic" at the ruling.

MOE: ah tere you are
  you can tell by my typing that I am extraordinarily hungover
But you will tell even moreso from my thought process
 
MEGAN: I am a little hung over myself, and dying for a Diet Coke. But it's pouring rain here.

MOE: OH my god the "Video Professor" himself is on Fox and Friends.
 
MEGAN: Nuh-uh! Switching now!
  
Wow, he's orange.

MOE: He's giving away a FREE BASKET of HIS INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEOS
Um and then they cut to a big segment on who got kicked off American Idol
Never suggest that Fox only has time for its right wing ideological agenda.
 
MEGAN: Does Elton think AI is still racist?
Okay, NO WAY is Donald's hair not thinning. Also, this is pretty much why I watch CNN even though they replaced my Soledad.

MOE: Yeah I would watch MSNBC probably because it's the Fox News of Trotskyists but ...I still can't figure out why they're both muted on my cable box. I think I should probably call time warner. But who wants to do that?

MEGAN: Oh, God, and be on hold forever? But at least it's not Comcast. Neener neener, Comcast, I got FiOS
Oh, God, that asshole that asked Chelsea about Monica is going to be on CNN. Does he not realize that everyone thinks he's a complete douchebag?

MOE: Okay so, some stories. Hillary wants grandkids. But why should we trust you, lying pimp puppet Chelsea? How do we know she didn't actually say, "I want a grandcat so in the middle of the night I can slaughter it??"
  Also, I don't care that that guy asked Chelsea that question.
  I mean, the way it was phrased was annoyingly Fox News.
  But fuck, she is an adult  
He looks like an ass.

MEGAN: OMG, totally. I just think it's a douche move to ask a girl about her father's affair. He is an ass.
 
MOE: Meh.
 I mean, I guess.

MEGAN: Ha, he's saying other dudes from his communications class wanted to know the answer. Because they're dudes.
 
MOE: The chance it would get answered by someone like Chelsea are so slim...the chance you'll look like an ass are so high.
 
MEGAN: They're all trying to figure out how to cheat on a woman and get her to stick around.
 
MOE: Fuck if Chelsea knows. She wanted her mom to leave him when she was ten or something.

MEGAN: Dude, so, remember how they passed that law allowing pilots to carry guns in the wake of 9/11? Yeah, some guy shot up his own plane by accident yesterday. I feel safer. You?

\
MOE: Oh god: 1. Who. 2. You know what's depressing is I just checked Facebook and my Horoscope says it's a good day for my "intellect" rating. And my initial thought was, "And I squandered it on THIS HANGOVER" and my immediate corollary thought was "Which is so bad I am believing my horoscope"? I think we should talk about that Pakistan story though. In the Washington Post, on how Musharaf's reduced powers are forcing us to bomb them with our own two ...well, bomb them unilaterally. Does this vindicate Obama? Because I'm really hungover.
  
But that's how it seems.
Also Donald Trump is on Fox & Friends talking about his brief run for the presidency. And he's saying that he didn't plan to run. "People tinkered with me. I made a speech in New Hampshire and people said, 'He's running!'" Um, Donald? Remember that book you wrote about your plan to run for president? Because I do. And it was AMAZING.
Donald Trump is like the apotheosis of everything I love about this country/city/dudes/etc.
 
MEGAN: Can Donald Trump just disappear again, like he did in about 1996? Because that was amazing.
Also, my Facebook horoscope says "A dramatic change in your attitude or appearance could have a negative impact on family relationships right now. You may not have done anything as drastic as a nose ring or a facial tattoo, but you could risk making a bad impression on someone whose help you will need in the future." Luckily, I barely leave the house, so I can't make a bad impression on anyone!

MOE: Ooooooh, this is what mine says.

It is impossible for you to be content with superficial answers now, and you are impatient with people who avoid looking candidly and honestly at root causes and hidden reasons for any problem or situation. You tend to force your views on other people now. Also, you can become obsessed with an idea or problem until you have figured it out.

MEGAN: My God, the Facebook horoscope people, like, know you. Today.

MOE: So did Hillary plagiarize her Bosnia trip account from Olympia Snowe?
  Is Chuck Phillips as much of an idiot as Bill O'Reilly, as Jay-Z once notably suggested?
Oh look, the GDP is suffering, but corporate profits are still on the rise! That's great, great news for those of us in the problem solving business.
 
MEGAN: Anyway, so on Pakistan. I can't believe that people were all freaked out about Obama saying we'd go after OBL in Pakistan with or without Pakistani permission. I mean, had it been the anti-war people freaking out, fine, but hawks were the ones who wigged. I mean, the only reason we haven't yet is so's we don't destabilize Uncle Pervy. But if we go after them now, maybe, Obama can actually live up to his doctrine about changing the way we do foreign policy or something.
Olympia Snowe's totally voting for Hillary I bet.
And Chuck Phillips must be the only person in the world that thinks that Diddy is anything but a middle class guy. He's probably even nice.
Also, if you'd like, a moment of silence. The inventor of the Egg McMuffin has gone to the Playland in the sky.
 
MOE: Oh, and shit, just in time for tax season: guess who's suddenly "under scrutiny" as a result of this financial crisis that no one understands: the accounting industry. What a surprise! You mean, the ones who actually understand this shit are the culprits? When was the last time the accountants were blamed for some arcane financial scandalcrisis thingy? The last time one happened? Speaking of, calling all corrupt accountants: I still need one! And now, to resume denial. Re Pakistan: everything you said. This is why I'm eager to see a McCain-Obama foreign policy debate play out. But Hillary is taking it to the Convention. Where, by the way, we are going. Don't worry if you want to bring someone home I can sleep through pretty much anything.
Holy SHIT re the egg mcMuffin! Did you see that I wrote about egg mcmuffins yesterday?
 
MEGAN: I did! Also, I was sad you didn't mention the time I actually made you one on your actual stove.
 
MOE: I was really hungover that time.
Or wait, in pain...something.
 
MEGAN: I remember, that's why I made you one! Runny yolks and all.
 
MOE: But thank you. I used to make those all the time on the actual stove but english muffins are curiously hard to come by and/or expensive in this neighborhood, in contrast to Harlem, where they were abundant and cheap.
I know you care, audience.
 
MEGAN: No, we were both shitty drunk the night before. That's when we met up with Greg Wassertrom and Hunter Walker and then you went to a party and I got drunk and waited for you at the bar downstairs and argued with some Hillary supporter just because I could.
Because I was feeling argue-y.
  Really? I'll bring English muffins up next time.
By the way, how much do you want to give a low dollar donation to get in on the raffle to have dinner with Obama? Because I want to. Bad.

MOE: Oh right. That night. I went to Jessica's house and we discussed ...cannibalism. I had just read that Harper's reading re cannibalism during the Great Leap Forward. Which, inspires me to bring you this small update re Tibet. 660 people have been held, according to the government. I am not sure why we are supposed to believe them, but that is what they say. And dinner with Obama: I knew when it started looking like he could become president that I was foregoing any chance for dinner with him, and that is okay.

MEGAN: Also, CNN is reporting live from Philly in front of the Art Museum and they are apparently having a Frieda Kahlo exhibit. I think we should task Commenter Braak to go and report back.
 
MOE: Hey Braak, speaking of, do you know about ESCHACON????
 
MEGAN: Only 660 people? That doesn't actually seem like a lot for China.

MOE: I am supposed to go down on Saturday and meet TRex and sundry other leftblogger types in Philly but...I also have like ninety other commitments, one of which is my sister, who just texted me telling me her newest documentary plan was "My Sister, The Marxist," and I should really try to do my taxes this weekend, if only for the sake of the art. Do you know there is a giant picture of ammunition on the front of the Times today and I havent' gotten to the story yet?Something about the Afghans. Ammunition is not the most photogenic thing, you know? I guess it's an image that conjures ...possibility. But.

MEGAN: Well, if you go, tell TRex I say hi and that I am mad at him for not inviting me, too. I mostly did my taxes earlier this week, I just now have to figure out that whole home office thingie and whether there's anyway that I can possibly get enough of a deduction out of that to make it worth my time to figure it out.

MOE: Oh my god the story is actually kind of amazing.

But to arm the Afghna forces that it hopes will lead this fight, the American military has relied since early last year on a fledgling company led by a 22-year-old man whose vice president was a licensed masseur.

MOE: Okay, so the company is called AEY. Hedquarters: Miami Beach. 22-year-old CEO Efraim Diveroli: hott.In a shaggy way. Contracts up to $300 million. Wiretap suggesting: corruption; old arms; everything made in China. I haven't gotten to the jump, but already I am going to tell you: Israeli mob. Ecstasy trafficker family. And that brings me back to Trump, and this story I did about how he was doing business with the Israeli mob — unwittingly of course. everything is unwitting with him.

MEGAN: Because he is witless?

MOE: But yeah. I'm telling you. Mark my words. His family is in the ecstasy business. If only they were selling that to the Afghans. Also: how are you supposed to transport anything into Afghanistan if you aren't somehow wound up with contraband traffickers? No one talks about what logistics geniuses the drug traffickers are, and how we could probably make business a lot more efficient by legalizing drugs and learning their secrets. Well no one talks about that because it is a retarded thought. I'm jumping.

MEGAN: Actually, that's not a completely retarded thought. I mean, heroin is really Afghanistan's most successful export and it gets grown and distributed well despite all its problems. Like, we can't even manage to distribute money not to grow it well.
 
MOE: Here is the masseur. Also hott.

MEGAN: Albania's defense minister? Totally fuckable.
The masseur looks high as shit and like a drug dealer. I'm sticking with the defense minister.
  The masseur's eyes are like something out of a horror movie.
Efraim looks stoned.
 
MOE: Oh Jesus.

Michael Diveroli, Efraim's father, had incorporated the company in 1999, when Efraim was 13. For several years, a period when the company appeared to have limited activity, Michael Diveroli, who now operates a police supply company down the street from AEY's office, was listed as the company's sole executive.

MEGAN: Nice. Efraim looks like one of those guys I would happily allow to hit on me in a bar and use his rather limited vocabulary to tell me how fucking sexy I am and how I should go home with him and who I will never actually go home with because I think if you cannot say "cunnilingus" correctly you probably aren't going to be worth the time or the condom to fuck.

MOE: Ephraim is a young Israeli mobster from Miami. I interviewed one once. He was a year from federal prison, not that he revealed that to me at the time. He was the cockiest motherfucker I've met in my entire life. But, in the words of the intern who transcribed the interview: "God he sounded hot."
'
MEGAN: A little arrogance can be attractive in a man, especially, say, if a girl is particularly used to dating guys with maybe not a ton of self esteem NOT THAT I DO THAT OR ANYTHING but too much just pisses me off because normally it's not backed up by anything.  
But I'm also older than your former intern.

MOE: On a note unrelated to sex, the thing this story is making me realize is that the cool thing about selling arms is that, unlike with lead toys or drugs, they don't seem to get screened so much. This guy seemed like he was picking his up in Albania — straight-arrow country, that Albania — and they'd originally come from China in the sixties and seventies. In the sixties and seventies, when arms were probably being smelted in backyards while people subsisted on other people, not to get to circular about things. I am still awestruck by the... awesomeness of this story. 
Incidentally, the Albanian they hired to repackage this shit, Kosta Trebicka, is also pretty hot.

MEGAN: Our government defense dollars at work. No wonder we're winning the war.

MOE: OH my god best. So last summer, Trebicka and Diveroli, the 22-year-old, were talking about how tough it was to do business in Albania, and the 22-year-old suggested that Trebeckia send "one of your girls" to have sex with the head of the export agency. "Money might help too." It always comes back to whores.

MEGAN: And money. Also, really? Did any of these guys have trouble getting laid without having to pay for it?

MOE: Not if they're drinking with me. But you know the neocons: they like a challenge.

MEGAN: Happy Tuesday!
 MOE: BLARGH.
 MEGAN: Well, I think we're both much less hungover than we were yesterday.
MOE: Yeah, but that doesn't mean I have anything remotely intelligent to say. The Dane Cook of inspiring people is about it. Ha ha ha and I just plagiarized myself. Also Pakistan is not voting Musharraf back in, but I don't really know what that means other than "so yeah if that was the intention of those guys who made that rogue sunroof kill Bhutto the terrorists won!" And then also oh yes Fidel Castro resigned. But like I read that on Perez months ago!
MEGAN: Perez is so prescient. A really old guymight not being able to run the country forever? Who woulda thunk.
And, yeah, it's hard to understand why al Qaeda thought it would be a good idea politicall to assassinate Bhutto (who wanted to eliminate them) other than maybe they figured they could bribe her briberiffic husband? Or they thought maybe Uncle Pervy was going to get away with putting off elections, like, forever? Or, you know, maybe crazy homicidal megalomaniacs who think they should run the world don't really have good motives?
  
It's so hard to understand all that.

MOE: Oh look! Speaking of megawhatevers there's a fun slideshow on the WSJ website to take you through memory lane with Cuba-US relations. The Bay of Pigs pix are kinda fun. And United Fruit...remember that racket? Good times. Anyway so as you can understand the challenge for any communist country these days is how to be more like China and less like Russia...blah blah do we have any good dirt on Raul?
MEGAN: He's also really old.
MOE: Oh, that's okay, as long as he abstains from smoking and keeps his weight under control he can live into those great golden John McCain's mom years right!
MEGAN: Wow, what great research! Being healthy means not dying sooner!
  Raul looks like he smokes to me, though.
MOE: Yeah I was thinking the same thing. It's probably like treason in Cuba if you don't smoke. They send you to Guantanamo!
MEGAN: Do you think they make everyone drink mojitos, too? I could weirdly stand to have a mojito right now.

5 minutes
MOE: Nah man all I want mornings like this is uppers. So here, readers, is your primer to Raul. On the menschness scale he seems just this side of Li Peng. But maybe he'll fix the economy! Because after all, exporting tainted blood thinners is better than exporting... nothing at all! (;-) exiles!)
MEGAN: That's, like, totally the old Chinese slogan!
MOE: Okay should we talk about the ELEPHANT/DONKEY/WHATEV in the room which is to say the Obamas keep fucking up? Barry stole a whole like 20 words from Deval Patrick and then Michelle Obama said it was the first time in her adult life she'd been proud of her country. Now: that is kind of self-aggrandizing but is it true? Mickey Kaus says even Dennis Kucinich could find something to be proud of but um he is also deep in beautiful love!
Have you ever been proud of your country?
  
It's a weird question, bc you're thinking, "the whoooole country"?
I was kind of proud of my state when it ousted that dead baby senator by 20 points. But it's not like that was a very difficult decision for anyone to make.
MEGAN: I don't know that I've ever really been proud of "the country." That's such a vague concept to me. My initial reaction is, frankly, no. But I've never been one for group identity, anyway. And it seems like it would have to be on the whole, and do I feel like, on the whole, our actions are worthy of group-think pride and I'm not sure that if I look at the 30 years I've been an American that the balance tips in its favor.
But I'm a pessimist and a cynic. I don't think I'd be "proud" of any country. A country isn't an entity, it's a social construct.
And, on the plagiarism charges, if you look at the definition, it's the unauthorized use of someone else's work. By all accounts, Deval Patrick told Obama to do it. I think it was stupid of Deval Patrick to do it and stupid/lazy of Obama's advisers to let him do it, but it's not "plagiarism."
MOE: Yeah and what does usually result from a large nationalism-fueled group of people hoping to take part in something bigger than themselves and make their heirs proud etc. etc. it's like "um wars."
 
MEGAN: Yes. That's sort of my problem with national pride, I think. I minored in German history, so it makes me even more uncomfortable.
MOE: Well the insane thing about the plagiarism thing is that the Clinton camp is basically saying, it would be completely different if Hillary lifted a line or two from someone's speech because no one is accusing her of running on her rhetoric." And you're like "Um bc Hillary Clinton is not running against Hillary Clinton?" It's so mindbogglingly circular. But yeah Michelle's statement is going to get linked back with the whole flag pingate and he's in trouble.
MEGAN: Flag pins are just ticky-tacky. Period.
I mean, it just seems like one of those super insidery things that hardly anyone is going to care about in 3 days and if Obama had done it on Wednesday last week it wouldn't be an issue in Wisconsin. But, because he did it on Saturday and it was widely reported yesterday, it's going to hurt him in Wisconsin, I think. It's brilliant on the part of Clinton's campaign, even if I disagree with the word choice.
And even if I roll my eyes at both of them. Because I've seen Obama's version and Patrick's version and I didn't love it the first time and thought it was ineffective the second.
MOE: It's so completely mindbogglingly retarded this scandal though!
 
MEGAN: You don't campaign on the scandals you want, you campaign on the scandals you get?
 
MOE: This is the Clinton campaign, guys! BECAUSE THEY ARE SOOOOO SUBSTANTIAL.
MEGAN: I mean, I think it's clear that she can't win on being Obama-y positive in public no matter what because it's not believable to too many people and because it's not her voice.
And I think (and have read in the comments here before) that people actually want to see her play rough and go negative because they see that as how Dems will defeat the Republicans in November.

MOE: The proud of my country thing is a lot more troubling. Because while its not easy to find a whole lot that fits that description completely, there have surely been a lot of individual acts of heroism and compassion fueled in part by patriotism; and surely it is a big insult to anyone who has committed one of those acts in the past 20 years (like say for example, John McCain's son in Iraq; any kid who's done Teach For America; etc.) ...That said, domestic politics has, in that time, fallen into a predictable paradigm of zeroing in on people's fears and prejudices and Obama transcends that in a way that is surprising to most cynics like us, and that's exactly what his haters so hate about his campaign but I think also what people like me find compelling about it — because it's like, hey, pleasant surprise! So anyway I understand the sentiment but it betrays an arrogance and a cynicism that is going to be damaging. Hell, Obama himself wrote that he was proud of our country when the Berlin Wall fell! I personally hope she answers this one because I think she could do a decent job.
MEGAN: I agree that Michelle Obama's statements are more damaging in the long term than Words-gate.
MOE: Or anyway, they ought to be. On the other hand, I mean, a lot of it is, I think, just the fact that she speaks extemporaneously. Which is sort of ironic given her husband's PLAGIARISM scandal! But you know, her whole bit from Day 1 was like "What is this? He's just a man. Not the freaking Prophet Messiah!" And now she's like "hey, you know, the way people are reacting so passionately to his campaign is inspiring! And when's the last time I was inspired? Hey, never!"
MEGAN: Inspiration is good. I wish I had some at this very moment.

• For the first time in her adult life, Michelle Obama is really proud of her country. Drudge has this quote up in an XXL font on his site and it has replaced much of his plagiarism coverage, so I assume this means she is going to get lots of shit from all the good Americans who were so moved after 9/11 when the country came together to start shopping again... [Breitbart]
  
• Barack Obama borrowed a line from some other black guy's speech borrowing a bunch of lines from famous speeches and suddenly the Hillary campaign would have you believe he is the Dane Cook of inspiring people! [Politico]
  
• But the campaign doesn't think it would be a big deal if Hillary had "plagiarized" the same way because "she's not running on the strength of her rhetoric." [ABC News]
  
• Barack Obama's brother-in-law Konrad Ng is hot. [Honolulu Advertiser]
  
• Women have the right to vote in the Pakistan, but like in a Jim Crow sorta way. [NYT]
  
• Ok, I get it, steroids bad. But the kid's name is Pettitte. [NYT]

• There is a foreign country in which George W. Bush is not hysterically unpopular? [WSJ]
• Speaking of Bushes, the elder endorsed John McCain.
• "You know, senator," McCain said, seething, "I thought your problem was that you don't listen. But that's not it at all. Your problem is that you're a fucking jerk." [Salon regarding that story in the Sunday [NYT]
• Whoever Joe Herrick of Gutterman Research is I want to have his babies. [WSJ]

[January 28, London. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

The second story is of Shafilea Ahmed. Ahmed had disappeared in 2003, four months after she returned to England from Pakistan. Her family had gone on a trip to introduce Shafilea to her arranged husband-to-be. Shafilea was less than pleased, and drank bleach while in Pakistan. (No reason was given but it is assumed she was trying to kill herself). She went missing in September of 2003, and her body was found in the River Kent in February, 2004. Her death is making news again because an inquest has shown that Shafilea did not die of natural causes — she was either smothered or strangled to death before being dumped in the river. No one has been charged with anything as of yet, though Shafilea's death is still being investigated.

Teenage Bride Murdered By Arranged Husband Was 'Kicked, Stamped On Or Punched' [Evening Standard]
'Arranged Marriage' Girl Found In River Had Been 'Smothered Or Strangled [Evening Standard]

• So uh, not so much cracking this holiday week. Former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto was gunned down killed on the campaign trail. We broke down the geopolitical conflict for y'all.
  
• Speaking of geopolitical conflict, apparently Sarah Jessica Parker hates Kim Cattrall. Just like the Muslims and Hindus!
  
• In other news, some women come during childbirth
  
• The women of Generation X aren't coming at all.
  
• Anna Nicole came early and often, and she threw one hell of a Christmas party.
  
• Christmas wasn't so great for other people, like wretched Tatiana the tiger and her unfortunate human victim.
  
• But even though some of us had to work during this holiday week, we can all take comfort in the fact that a certain someone kicked Moe's ass in the Traveler IQ Challenge. Suck on that, yo!

MOE: ahaha feeling CRAPPY
MEGAN: why, yes, yes I am!
MOE: This story is the only thing I've read that explains exactly how the idea was hatched to send Bhutto back in the first place. Have you read anything else like it?
MEGAN: No, I hadn't read the article before but it makes a ton of sense. We've never been super-comfortable with Uncle Pervy
MOE: Well yes, but he views his support of us as the main reason for his own shitty approval ratings.
MEGAN: Gosh, so hard to be a popular dictator these days!
Also, he's not entirely wrong either.
MOE: Well no, and we were asking him to take back someone he once likened to an AFRICAN dictator. Did you know that with all the extremist poors he had to alienate in 2006, Musharraf also got around to writing an autobiography? And he didn't have much love for Bhuttolicious, of whom he wrote: "she had twice been tried, been tested and failed, [and] had to be denied a third chance." She had not allowed her own party to become democratic, he alleged. "Benazir became her party's 'chairperson for life,' in the tradition of the old African dictators!"
MEGAN: Ahem. For someone who wants to be military dictator for life and cried when he had to take off the uniform, that's a pretty pot-kettle kind of statement. Does that mean he's really just following in her footsteps?
MOE: haha but he's calling the kettle BLACK.
MEGAN: Wow, crap, she's buried already?
MOE: Do Muslims like to bury their dead super-quick like Jews?
Apparently she was killed by a shrapnel wound, incidentally.
MEGAN: Well, that's what the Pakistani government is saying.
And, yes, I'm going to guess they must because that was like a 24 hour turnaround on her burial.
But, the Getty reporter, John Moore, who took a number of the photos I used yesterday, caught the explosion on camera because he heard the shots.
MOE: Seriously though, i do wonder if that's an extra-harsh dis among the dictatorial set: like "I can play bridge with a Fujimori, share a scotch with a Pinochet, but those AFRICAN dictators — that's where we cross the line."
Oh, and also, those pictures were great. You got a lot of Diggs!
MEGAN: Well, but the pictures were all John Moore and Farooq Naeem of Agence France-Presse. I just saw them and thought everyone else ought to, too.
But on Pinochet and Fujimori, you're totally right.
(Side note: I went to college with one of Fujimori's kids. Nice guy)
MOE: I wonder if the MSM followed suit and printed any of them. I think it's really important to be confronted with the notion that in so much of the Muslim world, you're more likely than not to have witnessed a scene like this
MEGAN: I've heard, but haven't seen, that the NY Times printed this one this morning.
MOE: Wait, wrong link I think!
MEGAN: I know ABC News showed it last night with the bodies blurred out as they were interviewing John Moore.
5 minutes
MOE: Weird. So now there's torching and looting and all sort of chaos. I keep returning to this opinion piece from the Journal in November about "Being Pervez Musharraf." It basically said, Look, Pervez Musharraf thinks he's the best thing to happen to this country since...well ever, and just because he has a bunch of haters and has alienated a bunch of his supporters and now there are people rioting in the street because they're under the delusion their country cherishes democracy, doesn't mean anyone else is going to rise up and snatch power away from him. So like, what does he care?
MEGAN: I mean, aren't most dictators a little Napoleonic? They don't just want to have power, they want to be adored
MOE: Well politicians want to be adored. I don't think it's so much a matter of being a dictator as having a different personality. Look at Bill Clinton. He's adored, yes. But his desire for MORE adulation has led him to say some very unpragmatic shit — like about opposing the war from the beginning and crap — that hasn't been helpful to his wife's campaign. Okay, and then there's Dick Cheney. He has all sorts of power. Does he give a shit that he is hated? No. It's just a matter of what side of that fence Uncle Pervy comes down on and I'm thinking that it's the Cheney side of things, which is, in the long run, probably better for everybody.
Incidentally, the Post story points out that Bhutto's assassination is actually good for her party, and by extension good for us, as the PPP is "best ally the U.S. has in terms of an institution in Pakistan" according to some expert they talked to
MEGAN: I think there are definitely dictators that demand adulation (Hitler, Amin come to mind) and those that could