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Pageants

Live Bloggin' Join us tonight at 9 pm Eastern for our liveblog of the Miss USA pageant. Then on Sunday, at 9 pm Eastern, we're gonna live blog the Rock of Love 2 finale. Who will Bret chose to continue to rock his world!? Only time will tell.

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'Miss USA' Marketers: Watch This Pageant Cuz Pretty Chicks Are Idiots!

It's taken us a while to get around to this, but the new commercial for the Miss USA pageant — airing on NBC on April 11 — is sort of a mindfuck. Instead of sweeping previous embarrassing moments under the rug, NBC is embracing them and encouraging TV watchers to tune in because they might just see a beautiful woman slip and fall on her ass, or babble on about "the Iraq." Such as. Sure, they use the tagline, "Anything can happen — because it's live", but really, they're gleefully humiliating and mocking the girls who participate as well as their own damn programming. Correct me if I'm wrong. Clip above.

Daily (Hate) Mail Remember Chloe Marshall? The Miss Surrey who is the first size 16 to ever compete in the Miss England Pageant? Well the Daily Mail does its best to try to make Chloe feel bad about her size. Here are some of the choice cuts from Jenny Johnston's gleefully undermining interview with her: "Chloe Marshall and her wobbly bits - of which there are a few...I try hard, shame on me, to get her to admit to some deep-seated loathing about her body - but she simply won't do it...[Later] It transpires that she knows exactly what it feels like to stand in Topshop with your skinny-minny mates, and want to cry." Despite this, Chloe keeps her head held high. "Most people have been lovely, saying, 'You go, girl', but some people have been sniping about how it isn't a good thing that I'm in this competition," she tells Johnston. "That makes me very cross. The whole thing about me being here is that I want to show other teenagers, younger than me, that it's OK to be a bit curvy, because you can still be beautiful." [Daily Mail]

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Tyra: Pageant Mom Insults Young Feminist's Love Of A Good Book

Yesterday's Tyra was so good. After a first half that featured the crazies from The Bad Girls Club, she had on two sets of moms and daughters featured on the reality show Wife Swap, one of which identifies with beauty pageant culture, the other with feminism. The daughter who is into pageants? She doesn't do her own homework, know how to spell "America" correctly, and is used to getting a Christmas present every day of her life. As for the other young woman, she decided that, after having to live with the pageant mom for two weeks - -and her insults — she's "proud to be feminist." (Question: Why are pageant people such freaks?!) Clip above.

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Crowned: The Sincere Sexy Reds Choke During Show Finale

Between Laura's freakouts and temper tantrums and Patty's puking and love of hamburger meat, the Sincere Sexy Reds are easily the break-out stars of Crowned. They were consistent in their performances during challenges for the whole season — whether it was choreographed aerobic routines or singing at a pitch that only canines could hear — which made them a favorite of the judges. So it was kind of surprising that the Type-A pair totally choked under the pressure of the final competition, coming in fourth place last night. Clip above.

snap judgments

Miss America Contestants Continue To Shock & Awe Us With Their "Talents"

The Miss America preliminaries continued today, with another batch of girls performing their talents for whoever the hell judges these things. Alas, there was no baton-twirling. Or Marie Osmond-esque doll-dancing. But there was a whole lotta other kinds of dancing (and if you ask us, a lot of it looked like stripping. In pointe shoes.) Dodai and I continue to comment on this year's contestants in an annotated gallery that begins after the jump.
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More pageant hijinks! Jessica Wittenbrink's $3,400 gown was vandalized during the Miss South Florida Fair pageant. Perhaps sabotage paves the way for success, because Wittenbrink, like the pepper-sprayed Miss Puerto Rico, went on to win the Miss South Florida crown. (And appear on the Today Show this morning). The Palm Beach County sheriff says there is not enough conclusive evidence to to nab a suspect at this time. [UPI]

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Crowned: Sincere Sexy Reds Get Raw Over Uncooked Chicken


The Sincere Sexy Reds on Crowned are endlessly fascinating. They sing! They dance! They insult! Mama loves her hamburger meat! So maybe that's why she didn't know how to prepare raw chicken when her daughter Laura asked her to make her something to eat. When Laura rudely criticized her mom for not knowing how to turn on an oven — even though Laura herself didn't know how to do so — we finally saw Mama Patty's Southern charm dissolve as she gave her daughter the talking to she deserved. (Loved when she pulled her lip gloss out of her cleavage when she was done. )But despite any turmoil in the house, or between each other, the SSRs always manage to turn it out during show time, winning this week's talent competition.

From the Slate review of Crowned: "Some were veterans of the tiara circuit, and others were rank amateurs, and most were wearing too much blush. Their universe is gynocentric and homosocial." [Slate]

the american titocracy

The 'Other' Miss South Carolina Story, Or, Being Smart Will Get You Nowhere In This Life Exhibit LMVXI

You know how Miss America bills itself as a "scholarship program", which is why no one watches it and it has had to change locations and television networks approximately 37 times in the past three years? Well no one encapsulates this sad dilemma with more talent and poise than Miss South Carolina! Unlike certain other females with that particular bullet point on their resumes, this one is not blonde/braindead. She got into Wharton! And I hate the concept of business school more than, like, anything, but even I would be the first to say "being a viral marketing sensation on Youtube" is not going to get you a past the first round of interviews. Anyway, Miss South Carolina was supposed to get $20,000 for her studies from the Miss America organization, which will buy you about a week at Wharton but whatevs it's the thought that counts, but Miss America has no money and never coughed it up. More »