[Malibu, December 2. Image via x17]

[Malibu, November 23. Image via x17]

[Malibu, November 6. Image via x17]

• A month after being diagnosed with breast cancer, Christina Applegate is now cancer-free. "I'm clear," she told Robin Roberts of Good Morning America earlier today. "Absolutely 100 percent clear and clean. It did not spread — they got everything out, so I'm definitely not going to die from breast cancer." She went on to say: "My decision, after looking at all the treatment plans that were possibilities for me, the only one that seemed the most logical and the one that was going to work for me was to have a bilateral mastectomy." Apparently she had the surgery about three weeks ago. She'll have reconstructive surgery in the coming months. Be well! [ABC News]
• Madonna made a 40-minute speech on her birthday and admitted that she was "disappointed" that some of her celebrity BFFs, including Gwyneth Paltrow and Stella McCartney, didn't come to her party. But! Lourdes sang for her, and Guy told her she's beautiful. Is it enough for the woman who wants it all? (Do you think Madge gets depressed?) [MSNBC]
• Apparently Jennifer Aniston is not impressed that John "The Player" Mayer made that speech about her being the smartest most sophisticated person ever. A friend of Jen's says: "He is the biggest jerk ever. How dare he set up a p.r. stunt like that? He should be ashamed of himself and just shut his mouth." [Page Six]

• Now that she's broken up with Lance Armstrong, Kate Hudson has been calling old flame Owen Wilson! "He was frosty at first," says an insider. "He felt betrayed when she dumped him for his friend Lance. But after a while, he caved in and has been sweet to her." Déjà vu all over again. [Star]
• Three words: Beckham The Musical! [People]
• Shirtless pictures of Rafael Nadal. [ONTD via NY Mag]
• Jemaine Clement of Flight Of The Conchords got married! The lucky lady is his long-time girlfriend, Miranda Manasiadis; the ceremony took place in a Los Angeles registry office and costar Bret McKenzie was in attendance. Time to listen to that song Jemaine and Bret wrote for us. [Stuff.co.nz]
• Joshua Radin, the dude who sang at Ellen and Portia's wedding, says: "I cannot imagine topping that experience. I've never played a wedding before, and I probably won't again until it's my own.” Oh and what's this? Pictures in People on newsstands on Friday? Online today? Noted! [People]
• Post-Madonna and estranged wife Cynthia, Alex Rodriguez has been seeing women in Miami's South Beach as well as New York. Don't hate the player, hate the game. [Page Six]
• Britney's custody dispute has been resolved, but it certainly cost her: She owes lawyers over $700,000. [AP]
• Both Donnie Wahlberg and his wife filed for divorce from each other on the same day, within hours. The feeling is mutual. [TMZ]
• Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild will be tried on federal charges in L.A. in September. Did he deduct $20 million in fraudulent expenses on corporate tax returns? He says his accountant set him up, but he also brought "contraband" (sleeping pills, prescription drugs and $700 in cash) into jail and is being sued by GGW ladies. [NY Times]
• Sadie Frost went over to Amy Winehouse's and "left in the early hours in tatters, wearing the singer’s ballerina pumps and showing off her bra strap through an unbuttoned dress." Also? Intoxicated. Obvs. [The Sun]
• Lily Allen's been airing her business on her MySpace: "Now, the album. It has been finished for a while now. I don't really know what's going on with it… I might go on another holiday as I don't have anything else to do." [Mirror]
• Lily Allen smacked a French woman in the street after the passerby called her a "fucking asshole." Amy and Lily need to get in the studio and off of the streets! [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio: "The worst dancer ever." [Page Six]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt want to have a "clan" like Brad and Angelina: adopted and biological kids. "We'd be so lucky to have a clan like that," says Heidi. She also says: "I used to want to be a missionary… Go to the U.N. for World Hunger and really, you know, not just go there for a safari, but go there to actually help." Lord help us all. [Yahoo News]
• Heidi and Spencer will get married: Heidi is just "waiting for that big ring." Also, she wants the wedding to air live on TV. She says she won't leave the show, because, "Where would I go?" How about "away"? [Pop Sugar]
• Oh, and by the way, Heidi and Spencer would love to take over The Hills. "I think that maybe Lauren is tired of [being on the show], but we’re just beginning," Heidi says. "We’re not even remotely sick of it." [People]
• Lauren Conrad on The Hills: "The show is definitely reaching its end. It's been so amazing and I've loved most of it, but I think there is going to come a time where I need to live my life for myself and not in front of viewers. I'm young and having fun with it now, but it's not something I am going to be able to do forever, obviously." [ET]
• In news older than your grandma, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are being blamed for the popularity of small dogs. [Mirror]
• Tori Spelling's bad boob job will make your chest hurt. [Awful Plastic Surgery]
• Uma Thurman is on the cover of the new In Style and says she would maybe have more kids: "If it's meant to happen, it will. I love and adore being a mother." [People]
• Buckle your seatbelts: Peaches Geldof is moving to the U.S. [Mirror]
• Kelly Osbourne says of Peaches: "It’s a bit sad, to be honest. It’s a great big cry for help and people need to stop talking about her and, you know, maybe all she needs is a hug." [Daily Express]
• New couple alert: Bow Wow and Reverend Run's daughter Vanessa. [Page Six]
• Rhys Ifans and Kimberly Stewart wore leather ensembles on a date to famous sushi restaurant Nobu. [The Sun]
• Paris Hilton's boobs: Plastic or push-up bra? [Page Six]
• New Beyoncé album coming November 18. Title: Virtuoso Intellect. [The.Life Files]
• Critics will not be getting advance screeners of the new 90210, which could mean that it sucks. Stay tuned; the show premieres 9/02. [Perez Hilton]
• Brad Pitt is teaming up with Kiehl's but you won't be able to tell. [ET]
• As previously reported, Roseanne has written a post to Jon Voight on her Web site, and it reads thusly: "Your evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about $40 million a year in violent, psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more… Miss Jolie says she likes [John] McCain too and hasn't decided who to endorse....huh? Aren't you supposed to be somewhat enlightened, or do you not know that the African daughter you hold in every picture had parents who suffered and died because of the Republican party's worldwide economic assault on Africa over the last few decades since Reagan? It might be good for your Asian and African children's self-esteem to know you support [Barack Obama, a man of color] for the leader of the free world." [Us Magazine]

[New York, June 1. Image via INFDaily.]

[On the set of 'Marley and Me' in Philadelphia, May 20. Image via INFDaily.]

• Jude Law and Kimberley Stewart: Seen drinking champagne and snogging each other in Cannes. He's a 35-year-old father of four; she's a 28-year-old party girl who used to date Cisco Adler (She got a tattoo reading "Daddy's Little Girl Loves Cisco," which, after their breakup, she changed to "Daddy's Little Girl Loves Disco.") Also, when she had her implants removed, she sent them to Jack Osbourne, who hung them on his wall. [Mirror]

• Oh, gross, there are pictures of Jude and Kim making out. Blech. [The Sun]
• Did Shania Twain split with her husband Mutt Lange because he was having an affair with the secretary? [People]
• Lindsay Lohan is being sued over that fur coat she "borrowed." You know, the one LL picked up at a club and left wearing, even though it wasn't hers? The real owner saw pictures of LL wearing the coat in a magazine. "It was my coat. It was no doubt," 22-year-old Masha Markova says. Later the coat mysteriously returned to the club. [People]
• Also: Lindsay has always told people she wouldn't be on her mom's reality show. So why is Dina Lohan saying: "I told Lindsay I don’t want her on the show right now. … Doing reality TV would almost be taking a step backward as far as her career goes." [MSNBC]
• Ali Lohan's been targeted by Mean Girls! She says: "A couple of girls in school made up a video of me and put it up on YouTube. They used disgusting words. Like if my mom ever heard me say that stuff, I'd be grounded for life!" [People]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had dinner with Clint Eastwood, Brett Ratner and Mick Jagger on the Côte d'Azur last night; what did you do? [People]

• Britney is back in LA after her five-day Costa Rican adventure at Mel Gibson's house. [ET]

• Pete Doherty was kicked out of the soccer event he attended for peeing in a trophy. [The Sun]
• Madonna: Seen chatting up Mike Tyson. [Mirror]
• Kiefer Sutherland is single. He filed for divorce from wife Elizabeth Kelly Winn in 2004 and a judge made it official on Friday. [Mirror]
• It's official: Katie Holmes will be in Arthur Miller's All My Sons on Broadway. [People]
• Owen Wilson is dealing with this most recent breakup with Kate Hudson by "immersing himself in blondes, boobs and beer." Owen spent four and a half hours at a strip club in Philadelphia last Thursday. [Page Six]
• Nick Cannon was trying to have a boys' weekend at the MGM Grand Foxwoods when Mariah called at 1 a.m. and told him to come home. "He didn't look happy about it," a source says. [Page Six]
• Lynne Spears was seen telling Jill Zarin of Real Housewives of New York City that she is on Team Jill. [Page Six]
• After making a nasty audio mashup of her voice, Howard Stern wants to make peace with Dolly Parton. "She's had a long career and she's been hot the whole time," he says, which doesn't make things better. [Page Six]
• Audrina from The Hills: Has a sister who's heavily tattooed. [Rush & Molloy]
• This video of the new cast of 90210 makes me feel old. [ET]
• Scarlett Johansson's best friend Jessie Baylin says ScarJo's wedding to Ryan Reynolds will be great. "I'm really excited for them," Jessie tells E!. "I think Ryan is amazing. She’s beautiful, and she’s going to look beautiful." [E!]
• Gwyneth Paltrow bares her left breast in hew new film, Two Lovers. Didn't we already see them in Shakespeare In Love? [Fox News]
• Jesse Metcalfe trashed a hotel room in San Diego, yawn. [Page Six]
• Opening arguments are set to begin in the R. Kelly trial. [Yahoo News]
• Oy! Sex And The City posters are banned in two Israeli cities (Jerusalem and Petah Tikva) because municipal officials don't want the word "sex" on display in the religious towns. [USA Today]
• Jennifer Hudson is releasing a CD in September. Even though he was on the Dreamgirls soundtrack, this will be her debut album. [Reuters]
• Vegas, baby! The ladies of The View are headed to sin city to broadcast from Caesars Palace for a week. [UPI]
• Naomi Campbell is on the official Ugly Betty podcast. See the video! [ONTD]
• Now that California has overturned the ban on gay marriage, Star Trek's George Takai is planning his wedding! The lucky guy is Brad Altman, his 54-year-old business manager. [Reuters]
• Spencer Pratt is firing back at Brody Jenner's dad, who called Spencer a "bad influence." "That's a bold statement for someone who only decided to try and be Brody's father after Brody got famous," Spencer says. Um, you know you're talking about Bruce Jenner, who won Olympic gold and was on boxes of Wheaties, right? [Us Magazine]
• The honeymoon is over: Pete Wentz is being sued by a fan who claims Wentz beat him up at a Fall Out Boy show last year. [E!]
• Filmmaker Pedro Almodovar is known for his strong women, but he's focusing on his male characters with his next flick. [Guardian]
• Lane Garrison, the Prison Break actor who is serving time for vehicular manslaughter, is being moved to a maximum-security lockup, uh-oh. [E!]
• Some dude was blasting Mariah Carey in his car and when he stopped at a red light, another guy pulled up and called the Mariah lover a "derogatory name" for listening to Mimi. So the guy who likes Mariah threw a bottle at the other guy and subsequently got arrested. Neither of these guys were Nick Cannon. [Perez Hilton]

• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson: Engaged??? Apparently she has a huge new rock on her finger. A source says, "He picked out the ring and went for the biggest one he could find. He was nervous about proposing but Kate was thrilled and the whole thing was really emotional." Guess Owen's rough times are over? [The Sun]
  
• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston spent another weekend together in Miami, eating salads poolside and making out. [People]
  
• Jenna Bush got married. [People]
  
• Dennis Farina was arrested at LAX for carrying a loaded, unregistered, .22 caliber, semi-automatic pistol in his briefcase. Farina is a former cop but, uh, you can't bring a gun on a plane. [Reuters]
  
• Hugh Hefner wants Miley Cyrus to pose for Playboy. When she's old enough. This is what happens. Don't you feel like weeping? [The Sun]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen crying at Crown Bar in West Hollywood after a fight with girlfriend Sam Ronson, awwww. [Page Six]
  
• But LL was all smiles when she worked the crowd at the Wango Tango concert and introduced Snoop Dogg. When I say Wango you say Tango! [TMZ]

• Britain's "Most Annoying Couple," Katie Price (aka Jordan) and husband Peter Andre, are moving to the US. Prepare yourself! [Rush & Molloy]
• Leonardo di Caprio and his mom arrived at an art show via bicycle. Carbon footprint be damned! [Page Six]
• Bono celebrated his 48th birthday simply: With dinner, cake and champagne for 12 on Friday night. In attendance: Brad Pitt, Monaco's Prince Albert II and The Edge. So down to earth! [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali recently filmed a documentary series, Spain... On The Road Again in which they travel through España eating, cooking and sightseeing. The show will air on PBS in the fall but there's a preview here. Apparently the formerly macrobiotic Paltrow is a "really good eater." [People]
• Gwyneth may adopt her next child because being pregnant made her feel "like a zombie." She says, "I was so ill, everything disgusted me! I wasn't able to eat or smell anything." She says "an American oprhan" would be an option. Though she could copy her bff Madonna. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which executive producer and creator of two hit TV comedy series doesn't do his own work? Laments one insider: 'He's content to sit back and let everyone do the writing for him when they're supposed to be his shows.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• Suge Knight got in a fight at Hollywood nightclub and was knocked out cold for three minutes. [TMZ]
• Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were granted a preliminary divorce by a London judge, bringing us all one step closer to never having to hear about it again. [People]
• A chick won Survivor! [E!]
• Ellen turned 50 on January 26, but had a delayed celebration over the weekend due to the writers' strike. Her party was carnival and casino-themed and newlyweds Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Tom Hanks, Lindsay Lohan, Jamie Foxx, Paris Hilton and Clive Davis were in attendance. [E!]
• Madonna had to travel 37 miles from her home in London to a concert in Kent, so she went via helicopter, of course. [Mirror]
• Plus: Madonna used the F word twice during the Radio 1 Big Weekend gig, which was being broadcast live on BBC3, BBC HD and Radio 1. Whoops! [The Sun]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes baby-sat the Beckham boys while Posh went to London to work on her clothing line and David had a soccer game. [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley canceled a photo shoot for a vodka brand so now the rumor is that she is pregnant, sigh. [Mirror]
• David Sedaris once paid sister Amy 10¢ for a chicken leg at a family dinner when they were kids. [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge of The Hills has joined the cast of Into The Blue 2, sequel to the Jessica Alba flick. Should be awesome. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Stop, drop, shut 'em down, open up shop: Cops raided the home of rapper DMX and he's been arrested (again) on suspicion of animal cruelty and drug possession. [Mirror]
• It's official: Jimmy Fallon will replace Conan O'Brien on Late Night. Let the uncontrolled giggling begin! [NY Times]
• Hayden Panettiere has "lez lust" for Angelina Jolie. [The Sun]
• William Shatner is finally talking about his feud with Star Trek costar Leonard Nimoy: "He thought I was a real son of a bitch," Captain Kirk says. [Mirror]
• Neverland Ranch has been saved from foreclosure! Michael Jackson says that the property loan was sold to Colony Capital, a large real estate investment firm. [Reuters]
• Singer Neil Young has been honored by an East Carolina University biologist who discovered a new species of trapdoor spider and named it Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi. Neil: Mind if we bug you by saying congrats? [Reuters]
• Carrie Underwood was inducted into the Grand Ole Opry Saturday night. Membership to the Opry is invitation-only and based on the artist's commitment to the show and overall contribution to country music. So it's an honor. [E!
• Alanis Morissette hit "rock bottom" over the past two years due to "a personal unraveling of significant relationships in my life." But she used the rough patch to write songs for her new album, out in June. Plus: She's psyched to see the Sex And The City movie: "I will definitely be going to see that movie," enthused Morissette, who once guest-starred on the HBO series. "I'm the girl that would torture a few of my guy friends and bring them." [People]
• A David O. Russell political comedy starring Jessica Biel and Jake Gyllenhaal has been put on hold because of a "cash crunch," boo. [Deadline Hollywood]
• The father of American Idol contender David Archuleta is a meddler who has been banned from rehearsals. [AP]
• Justin Timberlake is executive producing an MTV show called The Phone. The series, based on a Dutch reality show, begins each episode with two hidden cell phones ringing at opposite ends of a major city. Contestants who answer the phones have five seconds to decide if they want to play along for a cash prize, and a guide on the other end of the line then gives contestants a mission to complete before time runs out. [Reuters]
• Jennie Garth will be on the 90210 spinoff! She'll play a guidance counselor at her alma mater. Eh, that would never happen. [USA Today]
• Ashton Kutcher once he met Demi he knew it was right. "I knew she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with," he said. "I am the happiliest — I think I just invented that word — married guy on the planet." [Reuters]
• Tom Cruise's probably craptastic Nazi movie has been delayed. Again. [Times of London]
• Heath Ledger's family is bracing as E! True Hollywood Story producers have begun to work on a "tribute" to the late actor and have flown to Australia to talk to Heath's school friends and former colleagues. [News.com.au]
• Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans are going through a rough patch and might hnot get married, sigh. [Daily Mail]
• Speed Racer crashed and burned at the box office. What a wreck. [E!]
• "I wish Halle [and the baby] all the happiness and success in the world, as that is what I'm experiencing at this point in my life." — Halle Berry's former hubby Eric Benet. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I tried to work in an office. Apparently, my clothes weren't right. I was a Gal Friday the 13th. I would answer phones and people would call up very upset. Then they'd call back screaming and yelling because I had to go to the file room and I would get sidetracked. I used to fall asleep reading the mail. I didn't want to. But it was so boring to me and I hated it." — Cyndi Lauper. [Newsweek]

• Nelson Mandela personally called Amy Winehouse and asked her to sing at his birthday party on June 27! The former president of South Africa phoned her! Bono, Elton John and Annie Lennox are expected to perform as well. This UK paper says,"Let's hope [Amy] bee-hives herself!" Yuk, yuk. [Mirror]
  
• Meanwhile: Does Blake Incarcerated have a secret mistress? Is he plotting with the "mystery blonde" to run away with her — and a chunk of Amy's £10 million fortune? [The Sun]
  
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are due in court today for a progress review. A completely uninformed opinion? She's doing better. [People]
  
• Owen Wilson allegedly picked up some chick (not Kate Hudson) and invited her back to is boat and propositioned her to join him in a threesome with Vince Vaughn. There was a time that a Butterscotch Stallion/Money Baby sandwich would have been soooo hot, and that time was 2001. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Britney's back at work on How I Met Your Mother. She looks cute dressed to match Neil Patrick Harris! [TMZ]

• Tom Cruise's new web site is a finely crafted masterpiece of PR spin. [LA Times]
• Prince! Is working on a book! Featuring poetry and photographs and elegantly sealed in a purple slipcase, of course. [Reuters]
• Dina Lohan is being honored as a "Top Mom" by a Long Island-based charity, Mingling Moms Organization. Ali Lohan says: "My mom is great, she has always been there for us. She helps us follow our dreams. I love her to death." And by "to death" she means, "Sometimes I want to strangle her." [Page Six]
• Pete Doherty is out of jail! He served 29 days of a 14-week sentence and now he's back on the streets. You've been warned. [People]
• John Mayer on the pix of him with Jen Aniston in Miami: "Listen, this is not a scandal, this is not an issue, this is not a problem, this needs no spin control. This is me living my life and a guy with a really powerful lens and I don't fault him, I don't fault anybody, I don't fault you, I don't fault this or that. There are much worse problems in the world. Everything's cool!" Hahaha, stoner. [ET]
• But! John Mayer was seen out with Maroon 5 horndog Adam Levine and John "The Player" was "all over some blond girl," according to a source. Maybe he and Jennifer Aniston haven't had "the talk" yet? [Page Six]
• Maxim's Hot 100 list is a sister act: Ashlee Simpson is No. 18, Jessica Simpson is No. 53. But while Ashley Olsen is No. 47, Mary-Kate is not on the list at all... Which might be a compliment. [Page Six]
• Hollywood Hills neighbors of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are pissed that paparazzi cars are parking in their hood. [Page Six]
• Barbara Walters is traveling by private jet to 25 US cities to promote her memoir — and she's taking hair and makeup people from The View with her. But! She's paying for it all herself. [Rush & Molloy]
• Jay-Z at a show at NYC's Madison Square Garden: "This concert isn't endorsed by Obama, but it's time for a change." [Rush & Molloy]
• Jeremy Piven was seen having a "knock-down, all-out screaming match" with a brunette at a party. Ari Gold, is that you? [Rush & Molloy]
• The jury may deliver a verdict in the Uma Thurman stalking case today; we'll keep you posted. [TMZ]
• The bench warrant issued for Foxy Brown yesterday was due to a misunderstanding. Foxy is still free! [TMZ]
• Angela Kinsey, who plays Angela on The Office, gave birth to a baby girl, Isabel Ruby, on Saturday afternoon. [People]
• Mischa Barton is pissed at a photographer who snapped pictures of her sunbathing topless. She says: "He's a ridiculous human being. I've never abhorred anyone more. I was so angry, I went up to him and said how disappointed I was with his behavior. He apologized but he was very insincere." It should be noted that this photographer is the same one Nicole Kidman won a restraining order against after she testified that he tried to run her off the road. [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof, 19 (daughter of Sir Bob) is implicated in a cocaine ring, ruh-roh. [Mirror]
• Nip/Tuck star Joely Richardson kind of wants an African baby. "I'd love to adopt," she says. "I was almost in tears on a hospital visit because there were two or three babies to each cot, but I told myself that crying wouldn't help." [Mirror]
• Yoko Ono is suing the producers of a movie hat challenges the concept of Darwinian evolution, saying they used the song Imagine without her permission and led the blogosphere to accuse her of "selling out." [USA Today]
• "I don't think of myself as an [feminist] icon, but I think of myself as interested and can get ruffled at gender inequality. I still get touchy when people say that guys are interested in sex and girls are interested in love. It's bullshit." —Liz Phair. [Rolling Stone]

• The new issue of Vanity Fair isn't out yet, but Miley Cyrus is already warning fans that she's mortified of the semi-topless pictures of herself inside. "I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed," she says. A starlet's first shameful shoot is a tale as old as time and a rite of passage, no? [Us Magazine]
  
• The Disney Channel, which airs Miley's hit show, Hannah Montana, says: "Unfortunately... A situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines." [People]
  
• Ooooh here's a shot. Provocative? It's Annie Leibovitz, of course. She's really been controversial lately. [E!]
  
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt did attend the White House Correspondents dinner on Saturday night. They sat at Fortune magazine's table. Other tidbits from that night: Colin Firth couldn't get into the Bloomberg party; Kal Penn (aka Kumar of Harold & Kumar) hung with Salman Rushie and claims he doesn't actually smoke weed; Pete Wentz shouted, "I just want to thank my girlfriend's vagina!" before he started DJing. Stay classy, D.C.! [Page Six]

• And a reader texted us from a cell phone: "Heidi & spencer are sitting behind me @ the whca dinner. Verrry touchy."
• Owen Wilson: Partying in Miami with Richie Sambora and Vince Vaughn. Just like old times! [People]
• Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer: Went on a date in Miami. You know, they might actually be great together. [People]
• Oooh, Sheryl Crow set them up. [Enquirer]
• Joel Madden surprised Nicole Richie with a trip to the California desert for the Coachella music festival, and they brought the baby. Not to the show, to the desert. [People]
• Meanwhile: Paris Hilton and Benji Madden might actually get married. Making Paris and Nicole sisters-in-law. It's surreal, isn't it? [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse is not getting a divorce from Blake Incarcerated, despite the rumors (which we haven't heard.) [People]
• Amy's out of jail, btw, after being arrested for allegedly slapping a dude. [E!]
• Oh, wait! Amy "bonked" Blake Wood! Also known as Blake II. A source says "you could hear them down the hall." [The Sun]
• And um, this paper claims Amy has a new lover named Alex Haines. Damn, girl. [Mirror]
• Paul McCartney is "writing" a coffee table book which will contain hundreds of photos taken by his late wife Linda. [Mirror]
• Joyce Carol Oates is writing a fictionalized version of the death of pageant girl JonBenet Ramsey. [Page Six]
• Oprah's interview with Tom Cruise — which will air next week — includes her asking him about Scientology, couch-jumping and Matt Lauer. [E!]
• Tom Cruise took Connor and Isabella to see David Beckham play for the L.A. Galaxy on Saturday. No Katie, no Suri. Shocking, I know. Try and collect yourself. [TMZ]
• Ashley Dupre, Eliot Spitzer's call girl, has signed up with a top music manager, but the record labels they've been pitching have turned them down. Oh, and apparently she can't do anything that generates income until she works out a deal regarding potential charges. [Gatecrasher]
• Oh, Christ: A superfan who has seen Spamalot 40 times thinks Clay Aiken is "the savior." As in Jesus. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which methed-up TV personality tells British pals: "I always know I'm home when I see the Albert Bridge [in London], because I'm just minutes from my drug dealer's place!" [Gatecrasher]
• Fans at a Bon Jovi concert in Sunrise, FL were evacuated due to a bomb threat. Cuz they're wanted, (waaanted) dead or alive. [TMZ]
• Country singer Kenny Chesney hurt his foot at a concert in South Carolina but continued his show. His boot had to be cut off after the show, ouch. [USA Today]
• Ashley Judd's husband, Dario Franchitti, was involved in a NASCAR crash over the weekend. He wasn't injured but his car was smashed up. [Perez Hilton]
• Guy Ritchie hasn't been traveling with Madonna because someone has to stay home with the African kid while the adoption investigation is ongoing. [Perez Hilton]

[Miami, April 7. Images via Bauer-Griffin]

• "Young women should be very, very careful about not letting nude photographs of themselves leave their hands - as Kristin Davis and Audrina Partridge both learned this week." — Page Six, also known as your dad. [Page Six]
  
• But OMG. Is there a Lindsay Lohan sex video???? From Calum Best's cell phone? In which she is giving a bee jay? [The Sun]
  
• Have you heard? Jennifer Lopez had twins. She, Max and Emme are on the new cover of People. Apparently Jen claims she wasn't on fertility treatments. (???) [People]
  
• Of course, to get the photos, People had to shell out the big bucks and jump through hoops. Plus, they could not call Jennifer "J. Lo." But you can! [MSNBC]
  
• Nicole Kidman was seen spending time with Connor and Isabella. Remember them? Her kids? [MSNBC]

• Since the end of Sex And The City, Sarah Jessica Parker has raked in megabucks via movies, ads for Gap, Garnier commercials and six Hollywood movies. [Mirror]
• Drew Lachey and Cheryl Burke of Dancing With The Stars deny the report in Star that they had an affair. Drew's rep says the rumor is "completely false and cannot be further from the truth," and Cheryl's rep adds: "The story...started two years ago when they were partners on Dancing with the Stars. It wasn't true then and it isn't true now." [People]
• Shia LaBeouf's warrant for unlawful smoking was recalled; he's in no danger of being arrested. Yawn. [People]
• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson seen eating off of each other's plates at a restaurant in Miami. [Page Six]
• Amy Winehouse's neighbors are fed up with the constant parties and all-house visits and selling their home. Who wants to live next door to Amy? [Mirror]
• Oh dear, Amy's hubs, Blake Incarcerated, thinks she is messing around and wants a divorce. [The Sun]
• And um, Amy Winehouse is nekkid in a magazine called Easy Living. Click and see! [The.Life Files]
• Paris Hilton will be traveling 20,000 miles in 12 days. Try to act interested. [Mirror
• Jay-Z is trying to start his own label, but will anyone back him? [Page Six]
• A carpenter working on Mel Gibson's new home (still under construction) committed suicide by hanging himself from the rafters. [Page Six]
• A mom in Boston claims she gave Oprah the idea for her show Big Give. She sent a proposal to Oprah's company in 2005; the producers passed on the idea, then in 2006 Oprah announced she was launching the philanthropic show. [Rush & Molloy]
• Anderson Cooper had a "small spot of skin cancer" removed from under his left eye. Not to worry! His foxiness remains intact. [Rush & Molloy]
• Britney's father is selling off some of her cars; she has seven and getting rid of a few will "save substantial expense to the conservatorship estate." [People]
• Tori Spelling is pregnant and it's a girl. [People]
• TV tidbit: A Friday Night Lights castmember says (secretly) season three is a go. [E!]
• Buffy sister Michelle Trachtenberg is joining the cast of Gossip Girl. She'll play Georgina Sparks, a "mischievous minx" from Serena's past. Huh. Hey, those who read the books: Is that the skinny girl with yellow teeth that Dan hooks up with? [E!]
• Jake Gyllenhaal is on crutches?!?!? Wha' happa'??? [PageSix.com]

[Hollywood, Florida; March 12. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Will Heath Ledger earn an Academy Award for his role as the Joker in The Dark Knight? That's the buzz coming out of his native Australia. [News.com.au]
  
• Pete Doherty setting young heroin addicts straight on a new TV show? With music-based therapy sessions? Verdict: Maybeshambles. [Sydney Morning Herald]
  
• Amy Winehouse took a cab home but couldn't pay for it. Anybody got a tenner? [TMZ]
  
• George Clooney is putting pressure on Olympic supplier Omega watches to make a stand against China's lax Darfur policy. This gossip column calls it the Sexiest Scolding Alive. [Rush & Molloy]

• Britney Spears is all anime in her new video for "Break The Ice." She looks kind of like she could be Sailor Moon's mom. [People]
• Audrina from The Hills will join the Pussycat Dolls on stage in Vegas to celebrate the new season of her show. Don't you wish your girlfriend was marginally-famous like me? [People]
• Nick Lachey will executive producing a pilot for an MTV reality show that's a version of the '80s show and movie Fame. The show will focus on students at the School for Creative and Performing Arts in Cincinnati, Lachey's alma mater. I wanna live forever, I wanna learn how to fly: High. [People]
• Neil Patrick Harris on Britney's role on his show, How I Met Your Mother: "I was shocked that Madame Spears was willing to come and do some acting... What if she shows up on set and she is absolutely, totally normal and that whole thing has been a big ruse?" [ET]
• Lisa Kudrow is remaking a British TV show called Who Do You Think You Are in which celebrities delve into their ancestry. Genealogy TV? Genius! [The Sun]
• John Mayer keeps Xanax on hand just in case: "There are these incidental kinds of loopholes in my brain, where the wires can cross for a second and the hard drive crashes," he explains. [Page Six]
• Owen Wilson jumped across a pool (?!) at a party in Miami, but when a photographer snapped a shot of the actor, Owen flipped and yelled at the guy to "erase those pictures right now." The event photographer complied but says, "A lot of friends and clients were there and that looked so bad for me." [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan's father Michael has criticized Dina for for having a reality show, but he's been pitching a male version of The View with fellow born-again Stephen Baldwin. So far, no takers; wonder why! [Page Six]
• Does Paula Abdul hate sweets? She went to dinner with five friends; they ordered dessert; Paula had the desserts sent back to the kitchen. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which middle-age Lothario famous for playing a small-screen love interest has been using his renewed fame to land very young women? One recent hookup was all of 16 years old." [Gatecrasher]
• During her induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Madonna was forced to watch footage of her career in a retrospective. "Oh, look at my eyebrows," she sighed. "Oh, stop, stop!" [Rush & Molloy]
• Is Madonna's new song about Guy Ritchie? Lyrics: "You love me more miles apart/I love you, but we are at our best miles away/When you are gone you realise I'm the best thing that happened to you." [Mirror]
• Andy Dick, reeking of booze and groping girls? Just like old times! It's kind of comforting to know that some things never change. [Rush & Molloy]
• Ivanka Trump says that story about sending someone to polish the nails of her wax figure is total bullshit, since she doesn't even have a wax figure at Madame Tussaud's. How do these rumors get started? Is Ashton Kutcher behind it all? [TMZ]
• The Insider's Pat O'Brien: Out of rehab. [TMZ]
• Was America's Next Top Model winner Jaslene denied entrance to a Snoop Dogg party? Fo shizzle. [TMZ]
• Ugh, is Kathie Lee Gifford going to be the new co-host of the 10:00 hour of the Today show? Yuck. Say it ain't so. [TMZ]
• Josh Hartnett went to go see DJ AM spin at a club in New York but discovered that he was two weeks late. Did he stay to hang out with some girls and have drinks anyway? You bet. [Page Six]
• Cameron Diaz and Jason Patric star in a new Nick Cassavetes flick in which a former district attorney (Diaz) and her fireman husband (Patric) who are sued by their 13-year-old daughter (Abigail Breslin) for emancipation. [Reuters]
• Actress Samantha Morton told a court she lived in terror of a childhood friend who began stalking her. Damn, this woman has been through a lot. [Mirror]
• Jodie Foster: Also has a stalker, who mailed a bomb threat to an L.A. airport. Jeez. [Reuters]
• Elizabeth Hurley quit movies, but you probably didn't notice, since she admits "I really do very little film work at all." [The Times Of India]
• Girls Gone Wild douche Joe Francis goes to court in Florida today regarding filming underage girls. Will he get the book thrown at him? [Page Six]
• Here's a picture of Beyoncé in a blonde wig, playing Etta James in the film Cadillac Records. [Mirror]
• Ginger Spice helped saved the life of a girl in a coma by singing to her! Jessica Knight, 14, had been stabbed 30 times; Geri Halliwell sang to her and Jessica started moving her arms and legs. The next day, she opened her eyes. Girl powah! [Sydney Morning Herald]

• Nicole Kidman's pregnancy has made her "voluptuous" and she is so happy. "I can't ask for anything more except big boobs. I've wanted Marilyn Monroe curves all my life." [Rush & Molloy]
  
• More on Angelina Jolie's op-ed piece for The Washington Post: She urges the US to help Iraqi refugees displace by the war. "What we cannot afford, in my view, is to squander the progress that has been made. In fact, we should step up our financial and material assistance." [People, WaPo]
  
• HX magazine asked: "If a 'Janet' drag queen had to battle a 'Madonna' drag queen, what advice would you give the 'Janet' queen? Janet Jackson replied: "Kick the bitch's ass!" [Perez Hilton]
  
• This was in Midweek Madness, but Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are back together. "Inside Kate & Owen's Hookup" is kind of a gross title for a gossip item. Depending on what your definition of "hookup" is. But like, vadge cam? Is that what we're talking about? [People]
  
• Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem: "It's getting pretty serious." [Page Six]

• In case you missed it in Midweek Madness, Nicole Richie has been offered the role of Roxie Hart in Chicago on Broadway. Give 'em the old razzle-dazzle! [Us]
• Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Incarcerated, was in court in London this morning. He pleaded not guilty to the charge of conspiring to "pervert" the course of justice. [People]
• Guess who was not in court? Amy! She stayed home and "Good Blake," the sober one, came over. [Daily Mail]
• Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Patrick Dempsey and Kathy Bates are all named in a list of the "10 Worst Nude Films Scenes" of all time. [Page Six]
• Bruce Willis: Shouting lines from There Will Be Blood in an NYC restaurant, for the fun of it. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which music manager with debts around town might want to pay up before his creditors go to the gossip columns with all the details of his secret S&M lifestyle?" [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! This is translated from Ted Casablanca: Which closeted TV star finally decided to have gay sex for the first time — and unknowingly ended up shagging a journalist, who's not being quiet about it? [E!]
• The United Negro College Fund will honor Denzel Washington for helping historically black colleges and universities and for assisting minorities in paying for education. Congrats! [USA Today]
• Funnyman Will Arnett is addicted to Xbox game "Call of Duty — he plays 15 hours a week and admits, "It's really embarrassing." Poor Amy Poehler. [Rush & Molloy]
• Rachael Ray shed real tears while taping her show after meeting a pit bull rescued from Michael Vick's dogfighting pits. [Rush & Molloy]
• Ellen cried on her show as she discussed the murder of Lawrence King, a 15-year-old who asked a male student to be his Valentine and then was shot by that student. [TMZ]
• Britney visited with her kids again yesterday. [TMZ]
• The visit was full of hugs and affection. Yeah, not really newsy. But there it is. [People]
• Oh, and Britney is working on a dance routine for a new video — "Hot As Ice" should be the next track! [E!]
• The driver who was racing Nick Hogan the night of the crash that left Hogan's friend in a coma has been sentenced to 90 days probation, 25 hours of community service and a $500 fine. [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan, in that horribly styled & shot story for Paper magazine: "Now I know what it's like to be an out-of-work actor, and how much it scares me." [People]
• Julianne Moore on three episodes of Desperate Housewives? Hmm. Downgrade. [ONTD]
• Pete Doherty was named Hero Of The Year at the NME awards? Is there a new definition of the word "hero"? [The Sun]
• MTV is not planning on playing Paula Abdul's new video — it hasn't even been submitted for consideration. It's that bad. [MSNBC]
• John Ritter's widow testified yesterday in the wrongful death suit she brought against his doctors. [USA Today]
• Will former Destiny's Child singer Kelly Rowland pose for Playboy? She does have new boobs. So. [Miami Herald]
• There was a tech glitch at the Technology, Entertainment and Design conference in Monterey, CA and Robin Williams saved the day by filling the dead air with jokes, hooray! [Wired]
• Check out this painting done by the younger of Tilda Swinton's two lovers. Not bad! [Village Voice]
• Justin Chambers, lying around without a shirt on. Good morning! [A Socialite's Life]

• Did Hulk Hogan have an affair while he was still living with his wife, Linda? And was the woman he slept with a friend of his daughter, Brooke? [Perez Hilton]
  
• Nicole Richie's baby! On the cover of People! Cute! [People]
  
• Someone styled & shot Lindsay Lohan to look like a tired tranny hooker on the cover of Paper magazine. [The.Life Files]
  
• March 17: The date a judge will tell Sir Paul McCartney how many millions he has to give to ex Heather Mills. Mark your calendars! [Mirror]
  
• Is Amy Winehouse back on drugs? Friends say she feels rehab is turning her into "some sort of zombie with no emotion." She apparently says she feels "numb" and recently held a lighter over her hand and purposely burned her skin. Fuck. [The Sun]

• A court in Norway has postponed Amy's drug possession hearing. She was arrested there last October on charges of marijuana possession. She and Blake Incarcerated were due in court Friday, but Blake is due in court in the UK Friday, so he won't be able to make it. So many court dates, so little time. [USA Today]
• Gossip columnist Cindy Adams wrote that pregnant Nicole Kidman was drinking white wine backstage during the Oscars; Kidman's publicist, who was with Nicole backstage, says the beverage was tea and that Adams is "an idiot, and you can quote me." [News.com.au]
• Jenna Bush had a girls-only spa weekend bachelorette party in Boca Raton; her fiancé had a boys' weekend in Miami. [People]
• Jessica Simpson is traveling to Kuwait to "entertain" the troops. Just what they need. [People]
• High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale had a nose job in November; her recently released doll has her old nose. LOL. [MSNBC]
• Something is going on between Jonathan Jaxson of gossip site JJ's Dirt and Perez Hilton, but it's sort of too early to think about it. The gist: Sex tape in return for blogging help. "I fell in love with Perez. I thought he had a huge heart...but he's just a [bleep]hole," Jaxson says. YAWN. [Page Six]
• Jessica Alba says she was called a slut in 6th grade because she had big boobs. That ain't right. [Page Six]
• Did Selma Blair and model boyfriend Matt Felker split because he came home and found her with another man? [Gatecrasher]
• Britney Spears went to the Betsey Johnson store on Melrose in L.A. and asked if they could copy a Dolce & Gabbana dress. They were all, "uh, no." So she bought the yellow wig on a mannequin in the window. [Gatecrasher]
• The LAPD is investigating suspected drugger/robber Sam Lutfi, though they won't come out and say it. [TMZ]
• Kevin Federline is turning 30 next month with a huge party in Las Vegas. Think Brit's invited? [People]
• Lynne Spears has been praising her ex-husband Jamie for taking control of Britney's troubled life. A family friend says, "He's gathered a team of reputable people who are around [Britney] now. She's not well, but for the first time in a long time she has people around her who really care about her." [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow has shot a public service announcement for UNICEF to raise money for HIV prevention. [People]
• Is Kate Hudson trying to bag Justin Timberlake? A source says she has been "texting him nonstop." But she's also seeing Owen Wilson, apparently. So. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which TV vixen, based in L.A., spent a lot of the writers' strike downtime in New York City? Word is that she was cheating on her boyfriend with her girlfriend." [Gatecrasher]
• That diamond band, wedding-ish ring Ashlee Simpson's been wearing? "It's a promise ring," she says. From Pete Wentz, natch. [Rush & Molloy]
• Bill Cosby is hosting the Playboy Jazz Festival, if you care. What would Claire Huxtable say? [AP]
• Isaiah Washington was on Capitol Hill meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus and lobbying to preserve the history of an island known off the coast of Sierra Leone. [Politico]
• A judge won't let Ja Rule post bail for his homies, who are co-defendants in a gun possession case. [Yahoo News]
• Josh Hartnett: Forced to fly coach. [Page Six]
• Oooh, Ludacris, Thandie Newton and Gerard Butler star in the new Guy Ritchie movie! [Page Six]
• Boy George denies he kept a 28-year-old Norwegian dude handcuffed in his apartment. Do you really want to hurt me??? [Yahoo News]
• Naomi Campbell remains hospitalized in Brazil, though her doctor says she is "completely cured and walking." Be well! [Yahoo News]

Ms. Min explains: "Women don't want to read about men unless it's through another woman: a marriage, a baby, a breakup." She's just giving the people what they want! Though some say that the stars who court attention get it; whereas celebs who demand privacy are granted discretion, the fact remains that as a woman in Hollywood, your life is ripe for plundering by gossip blogs and tabloids. As anyone who reads Midweek Madness knows, the tabloid covers are revolving doors of predominantly female faces. And sometimes the only "news" is that (gasp!) some women have cellulite. Meanwhile, if you're a man in Tinseltown, you're having a great year, thanks to films like No Country for Old Men, Michael Clayton and There Will Be Blood, reports Telegraph. Though past Oscar seasons have brought us The Queen, Erin Brockovich, Chicago, Monster and The Hours, women are mostly sidelined this year. Why do we mock women for their trainwreck lives and laud men for their talent while shrugging off their indiscretions?

Boys Will Be Boys, Girls Will Be Hounded by the Media [New York Times]
Why Is Hollywood Going For Bloke? [Telegraph]
Earlier: Are Women With "Issues" Treated As Sensitively As Men?

Do we hold women to different standards? Is it rough/sexy/dangerous when a man battles with drugs and alcohol, but disgusting/sad/inappropriate when a woman does? A new study has found that young, single, poorly-educated or mentally ill females are at a higher risk for suicide. And that's not just in this country: The study included data from 85,000 people around the world. Put aside your Britney fatigue for a moment and consider the implications of her being stalked by a 15-man crew 24 hours a day, whereas Owen Wilson is free to swim or what have you: "There are jackals at the gate just waiting for her to commit suicide," Ms. Roy says. "It's a travesty." Why are we ready to give the guys another chance, but cruel, pitiless unforgiving and when it comes to how we expect women to behave?

Therapist: Troubled Male Stars Get A Pass [UPI]
Suicide risks common across borders: study [Reuters]
Suicide Risk Factors Consistent Across Nations [EurekAlert]
Eva Mendes In Rehab [TMZ]

[Malibu, January 22. Image via x17]