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New Yorker: Helicopter Moms And Hothouse Dads Need To Calm The Eff Down
New York, 12:37 PM
Wed Nov 11
71 posts in the last 24 hours
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New Yorker: Helicopter Moms And Hothouse Dads Need To Calm The Eff Down |
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PARENT FAIL.
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I've always wished I could be a fly on the wall the first time one of these kids gets a well deserved ass-kicking from their boss when they screw up on the job. I do wonder if mommy will deal with things in the same manner.
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-get them to eat well
-get them to get enough sleep
-get them to figure out things for themselves
-keep an eye on their academic performance
-limit the TV/computer somewhat (don't want my kid to be an antisocial gamer addict)
-no xbox or game console of any kind.
-I try to get my kids to clean up after themselves (not always successful)
-If my kids do something stupid I ask them "Why are you doing stupid things?"... and I wait for an answer... I don't let it drop until I get some sort of answer and then I direct the conversation to "So, what are you going to do next time?"
-when I catch my kid lying, they get in trouble... usually it leads to suspension of TV or Computer privileges
-I get them to help with work around the house like assembling furniture, chopping up wood, rake leaves, cut the grass, etc (note that I live in the city)
-Wanting something because a friend has it, is met with a response like "And when you're older, you can get a job, save up your money and buy one for yourself".
-I take "I'm bored" statements as an invitation to get rid of their toys... and suddenly they're not that bored when they 'rescue' stuff I start putting in the garbage/recycling/goodwill. This is excellent for reducing clutter.
I think it's a mistake to provide everything the kids want, inflating their heads with constant praise and giving them the illusion that they're the center of the universe (by always telling them that they're so so so soooo special compared to all other kids who are unwashed heathens by comparison).
And if one of my kids does something seriously out of line, I will (and have) (metaphorically speaking) kick their ass.
If they have everything they want without working for it and aren't held accountable for their actions, they'll grow up with no work ethic and a big (and unjustified) sense of entitlement.
11/10/08
I was 8 and I don't think that was too harsh. I see it as blunt truth. Almost 40 years have passed and I've still would never use that phrase.
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I teach in a rural district where half of our students live below the poverty line. I've seen some of the "helicopter parenting" among the few upper-middle class families we have, but I also see a whole lot of the "my kid is perfect" syndrome among the ones that are firmly in the middle class range. Those are the biggest pain to deal with. I've seen a mother say "my kid NEVER lies" when I know that kid lies so often to so many people they wouldn't recognize truth if it bit them in the ass. And what the heck is the thing with the parents screaming at the school when their little darlings get in trouble? Like WE'RE bad for actually daring to punish them? When they were caught red-handed in the transgression? Holy crap, when I was in school if I ever got in any sort of trouble there would be hell to pay at home. The last thing my parents wanted to hear was how the teacher was at fault - that doubled any punishment. Adults were not questioned, period. The one time my parents questioned a call by a teacher it was handled quietly without my knowledge. They would have rather died on the spot than have me find out they questioned any school authority. They didn't want me to think it was OK to do the same and they were setting the example.
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Yes, these kids do grow up. And they come to terrorize college campuses.
Parents need to back the eff off.
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Naw, I just tell them I don't know. I'm the freakin' band director. I was recruited into the colleges I attended. I never had to fill out an application so I'm the last one to ask.
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Kids aren't projects to be managed; you can't insert your parenting life into MP and think that's how it's going to go, or worse get pissed off/out of control when it doesn't.
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This is why I love hearing Michelle Obama say that the girls are her first priority, and that Mrs. Robinson is coming to Washington with them. That's how you do it: you don't offload the kids, you don't treat them like science experiments. You supervise, or if you want to pursue your career, you get a trusted care giver. I sympathize with everybody who doesn't live close enough to family to be able to do that, but to me, the best way to ensure that your values are handed down is to hand them down generationally.
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WTF yo? When I was 3 I was amused by playing with macaroni.
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I think ultimately, this kind of irksome helicopter parenting speaks of nothing more than competition, keeping up with the Joneses 5 year old who can speak fluent Mandarin and hold regular piano recitals. You think anorexia and self-harm are rampant in teens now? Wait until these little Cheyennes and Basils hit puberty in 10 years time.
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Not all mom-bloggers are weirdos. I swear.
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This is from an actual post on the crazy high school classmate blog: We took [daughter] out to dinner for her birthday tonight so she had her first ride in a forward facing car seat. She loves it!
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1)
Parent: Oh no! Are you okay?
Child: I'm hurt!
Parent: Do you want to go to the hospital?
Child: Yes!
Parent: Lemme see. Oooh! Looks like they'll have to give you a big needle. Maybe two. And you'll probably have to drink medicine. Are you sure you want to go to the hospital?
This usually snaps them out of it.
OR, my personal favorite, just ask them when the last time they saw a bunny was. Ask them questions about what the bunny looked like and what it was doing and what they did in response. Generlly, this will turn into them talking about rabbits for the rest of the day.
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I see these books as just another way to bash mothers and young women. Everyone gets to laugh at today's generation of moms for being pathetic and point out how they turned out just fine, even though their own parents let them eat lead paint and didn't use carseats.
Is parenting different today? Sure. It changes every generation as the world changes and our understanding of child development advances. Most moms are not helicopter parents, but it sure seems like there are lots of authors who make money out of trashing them.
Ok, rant over. I just think a lot of these articles and books are part of a backlash against women rather than being useful.
Is
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He will come to hate me for this, but I know that, in the long run, it will make him awesome.
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@LaComtesse: NEVER!
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