Of course, the doctor's appointment was really just a (fake) consultation, and Spencer didn't go through with it. What's the deal with his mustachioed friend Charlie? Why has he been cast in the Fred Mertz role?


Brody's girlfriend Jayde solidified her rep as a belligerent, violent shit-stirrer by rounding up her posse and getting in Kristin's face.


And now for fashion and chivalry with JustinBobby.


Are charm bracelets and Members Only jackets without shirts the new black?

Remember her? She was friends with Lauren in high school, and then, after Lauren gave her a diamond bracelet for her birthday, she boinked Brody, even though Lauren was sorta kinda dating him. That dramz was the first conflict that Lauren had with Spencer, since he set Jen and Brody up. So Jen was a catalyst in the whole Lauren/Spencer war. Well, not really a catalyst, since she actually changed a lot with the help of a colorist and plastic surgeon.


I have to say that the puppies that Spencer bought Heidi for her birthday are incredibly cute.


I love Lo's response to Audrina's bullshit drama.


I also love that JustinBobby claims to be super into Kristin, yet he thinks her name is Kirsten.

Stephanie's approach to the intervention was interesting...


...and not at all successful. I love how she says "don't bullshit a bullshitter," because that's what Anna Nicole said to her cousin Shelly in the Christmas special episode of her reality show.


Jayde and Brody are working hard for their own story line. BTW, in case you didn't know, "yelling" = "angrily talking."


Is that Joe Francis in the scene? I guess they were friends before all the assault charges and lawsuits.

BTW, Tom Green doesn't warrant an identifying caption on MTV anymore? The least they could've done was put something Hills-y there like, "Tom, Brent's Friend."


At the intervention, Holly ordered herself a giant margarita on the rocks. Can you blame her? Besides, I still think that Spencer was the most embarrassing person at that party, considering his hat. However, I do think he's being incredibly nice and understanding here, and actually is making some sense.


Next week on The Hills, Jayde reveals her Canadian roots.

Spencer kept up his Mr. Wilson subplot with Enzo the Menace.


Check out JustinBobby's ink. It's like "Thug Life" for soccer fans.


BTW, Brody was turning 26, not 6.


I liked his balloons though.

Last week, when Heidi Montag guest co-hosted The View, she discussed her desire to have children and Spencer's desire to remain childless. Little Enzo is supposed to provide some kind of comic relief in the situation, but it kind of just comes off as one of those desperate casting decisions to boost ratings by adding a young kid (e.g. Olivia on The Cosby Show, Oliver on The Brady Bunch, and Chrissy Seaver (who aged six years in between seasons) of Growing Pains).


Spencer's sister Stephanie had the most intelligent statement of the entire series so far when she advised Heidi to not try to fix problems in her marriage by bringing a baby into it.

OK, so in the first scene, Audrina, Lo and Stephanie are talking about how they're going to go to Heidi and Spencer's "welcome back" party. Steph obviously has her new nose here.


See?


However, at the party, she has her old nose.


In her next scene, she's talking to Audrina about the events of the party, and she has her new nose again.


But then at Frankie's birthday party, her old nose returns.


BTW, how old was Frankie turning? 48?


After Frankie's party, Stephanie's new nose again, on the scene.


But only time will tell if it will stay.

Both in the trailer for the upcoming season of The Hills (which premieres September 29) and additional advertising spots, Kristin has been billed as "the bitch," literally, in this marquee style ad:

For her part, Kristin says she believes that people use the term refer to women who speak their minds, so she doesn't mind it all that much.

Also, there is mention of wanting to put Holly Montag in rehab, and Kristin hardcore Frenches JustinBobby. I kind of love Kristin. I like that she says "dude" a lot, and I like that she made fun of Brody Jenner's sex skills. Seriously, thank God Lauren's gone.

We wonder if she was violating any confidentiality agreements she might have with producers of the show, who still have some people believing the "reality" aspect of it. She said she didn't even know about the apology (or rather, "the phone call") until she saw the episode. Re-watching that clip, we're wondering what the producers were saying to her for her filmed phone scene to make it look like she was actually speaking to Spencer.

Earlier: Spencer Apologizes To Lauren For Sex-Tape Rumor

But even though he's now "mature," he's still a dick about it.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, "The Bitch" is Kristin Cavallari, who showed up bra-less to Heidi's wedding. She's also making a move for JustinBobby, according to this preview:

This picture of Heidi and Spencer is on MTV's homepage today. He's wearing more makeup than his wife and looks like he could be a member of Dead or Alive.

P.S. Nobody can blame their own ineptitude on Kelly Cutrone.

Previously, it was thought that this would be the final season of The Hills, due to Lauren Conrad's departure, but since MTV doesn't really have any other big hits, Kristin Cavallari — Lauren's onetime nemesis from Laguna Beach — will be stepping in, although it's not clear if she will be narrating the episodes. Apparently the cast is happy to have Kristin, according to Kristin. She said, "I've been getting phone calls."

Last night, during the show, MTV aired a kind of farewell commercial, announcing Lauren's final two episodes. One of them will involve a phone call from Spencer, and another one will most likely involve Lauren attending the couple's wedding.

I don't know about anyone else, but I really missed JustinBobby and his bad-boy refusal to adhere to social mores, body mics, or California's indoor smoking restrictions.

Also, what's up with Brody's girlfriend Jayde?

I was wondering how old she is, since she looks like she's had a lot of Botox, and various other procedures. But mostly I was wondering if she's even from this planet.

Hasn't she ever been in a supermarket checkout line? Everyone knows who Audrina is!

The first clip is a montage of cast members opining on clothes, the best, obviously coming from Stephanie Pratt, who is currently studying fashion at FIDM, but is no more informed at judgment calls than her brother.


I love that she showed up at a club looking like when Valerie Cherish was trying to impress her stepdaughter with "hip" clothes on The Comeback.

Maybe when Spencer and Heidi adopt Dunk from Africa, they can call her Aunt Sassy.

In this clip, Steph completely bombs in her interview with People's Revolution boss Kelly Cutrone.