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The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
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zombie.nancy is a godess of fierce
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
I am going to *assume* that the person asking "What college will accept me?" is the ladyfriend & it's the dude wondering "What college will accept me?"

it makes me happier to think thusly.
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zombie.nancy is a godess of fierce
07/11/09

@zombie.nancy is a godess of fierce: oops! I meant to say that guy is wondering about pursuing a career as a model or as a designer.
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Pixley
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
I carry a Ouija board in the trunk of my car, because a) I am like eleven years old, and b) A SEANCE COULD BREAK OUT AT ANY MOMENT.
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Jack_Burton
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
The occult is not your personal plaything!!

Beware!

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Sanfo
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
I wonder what the netherworld has to say about heterosexist gender roles?
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mepo - Robert Cornhole invented it
07/11/09

@Sanfo: I don't know... "cute shoes"?
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Laulau
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
Wait, does no one else think "Oh, OUIJA, can we take the car?" kind of an odd question? "But, mom, this board game clearly informed me that I could take a twenty from your purse and go to a movie! I got permission from the dark powers!"
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margareita metermaid
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
The only time I used a Ouija Board I was going through a maudlin depressive phase at around ten. I had a bestie who, tho tolerant was sometimes a little freaked out by my despair. I asked the Ouija Board (mind you, in a sad, hollow voice) "Will I ever be happy??" and I saw my bestie's eyes get kinda worried as she clearly pushed the little thingy to say "YES you will go many places and be very happy". At the time, I yelled at her for cheating, not seeing the sweetness in her gesture. Doncha wish you were my bff back then, ha! Suffice to say, Ouija (BFf) was sorta right.
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gangey
07/11/09

@margareita metermaid: Oh, that is a lovely story! I hope you are still friends with that person.
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gangey
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
Shall I become a model or a fashion designer, or shall we just go steady and get married and then I can make dinner for him every night?

But, you will notice that the girl asks the only interesting question - the one about flying saucers. Though she's also asking the gossipy one about Debbie.
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wtfox?!
07/11/09

@gangey: Yeah, BF looks like he's just barely tolerating this, and that he's hoping the answer to "What college will accept me?" is on the other side of the country.
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femaledwightschrute
07/11/09

@gangey:

Girl: Who's Debbie's date for the prom?

Ouija: Who's Debbie?
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Edited by femaledwightschrute at 07/11/09 12:36 PM

wtfox?!
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
You know, if I was a restless spirit of the underworld, I would be seriously pissed off at having people like these yahoos asking me shit like "Shall I become a model, or a fashion designer" or "Should we go steady?"

These are the mighty and inscrutable powers of the underworld, people! They've got better things to do than answer your dumbass questions.
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Edited by wtfox?! at 07/11/09 11:49 AM wtfox?! was starred wtfox?! was unstarred

BritneyCanadaWhore
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
when i was a kid, my sunday school teacher put the fear of god in me when i mentioned playing with a ouija board. it ended up in the back of my closet, shunned, feared and dejected, and i resigned myself to asking my ninja turtles for advice. they were refreshingly nonpartisan.
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wtfox?!
07/11/09

@BritneyCanadaWhore: My crazypants evangelical middle school once brought in this guest speaker who painstakingly explained to us how all our toys were evil. Smurfs and TMNT were especially diabolical... I remember the Smurfs because they were supposed to be based on pagan belief (whatever), but I honestly can't remember why the Turtles were Satanic. Maybe because they were all named after Catholic Italian painters.
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gangey
07/11/09

@BritneyCanadaWhore: My parents didn't let me spend the night at a birthday sleepover when they found out Ouija was on the agenda while dropping me off. They let me stay for dinner and cake and presents and came and picked me back up.

Though it was probably for the best, because the previous sleepover we did "light as a feather stiff as a board" and I almost passed out from terror. They (my parents and the church) put the fear of Satan in me, for sure.
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gangey
07/11/09

@wtfox?!: Maybe the Turtles were satanic because they were MUTATED by radioactive ooze? We all know evolution is a satanic lie, right?

Or, more likely, they were satanic because they were a popular secular toy that tempted children away from valuable Bible-readin' time.
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wtfox?!
07/11/09

@gangey: Yes, I think Answer 2 probably covers it. I just remember being given this list of all that was horrible and Satanic and to be avoided in the childhood world. It was a really long list.
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BritneyCanadaWhore
07/11/09

@wtfox?!: well shit. i KNEW there was something off about april; only the devil himself could think up an all-yellow jumpsuit.
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
I was convinced that Satan had possessed my board when I was in high school. Weird things would happen when my friends and I would take that thing out. (Cue Twilight Zone theme music)
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Edited by Sputnik_Sweetheart at 07/11/09 11:45 AM Sputnik_Sweetheart was starred

smallc
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
Clearly the best partner is a 12-year-old girl (also your best friend) who is willing to dress up like a psychic/gypsy/whatever with you and then convince her parents to allow you to light candles in the room of their house that dates back to the 18th century and attempt to get in touch with the ghosts who you're both certain live in the house. And who is more than willing to keep her cat in the room while you do this, because obviously that's only going to make things more authentic. Oh, and that noise coming from the corner? Definitely NOT the cat. Definitely a dead person.
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LindsayC: doctoral hilarity ensues
07/11/09

@smallc: Absolutely. And if you don't have an 18th century house, the bathroom with the doors closed and the lights off will do just fine.
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smallc
07/11/09

@LindsayC: dissertations are overrated.: Right. Mirrors are DEFINITELY key to the whole experience.
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hortense
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
Sorry, stray tag!! Should be fixed in a second.
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hortense
07/11/09

@hortense: Whew! That's better.
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badmutha
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
Also, the Parker Bros. logo looks strangely hypnotic.....
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yearofthewoman
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
Actually I preferred my girlfriends as partners while playing the OUIJA board in high school. We mostly tried to connect with the dead.
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notheretomakefriends
07/11/09

@yearofthewoman: so this is like a mash-up of the 8-ball and spiritism? I've never heard of this thing and I'm very intrigued. 'Should we go steady?' is not a decision I would leave to the resident poltergeist, though.
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yearofthewoman
07/11/09

@notheretomakefriends:

Yes. I am watching Armitage-3 on TV and one of the questions is 'what colour is ______ panties?'
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badmutha
07/11/09

In reply to The Ouija Board: Kid Tested, Santa Approved
So in the Exorcist, she should have asked it what kind of soup she would be throwing up later? Especially if she had food allergies, amirite?
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