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9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
9 Really Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's

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Lin-Z [linguist on duty]
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
I may not be the first one to comment on this, but did anyone else read the name of this catalogue as "BONER'S"? Just throwing that out there...
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billybobjoesmith
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
the wierdest is a pickle:

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Spaceman Bill Leah
11/10/08

@billybobjoesmith: But there's a point to the pickle!!

Says the weirdo who has a pickle
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Spaceman Bill Leah
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
I love ornaments to a degree that frightens the Spacehusband. My mother is even worse. I am shocked and appalled that I do not receive this catalog and am immediately going to their web site to sign up for it.

Then I am emailing a friend to get my copy of the Hallmark Dreambook for this year.

Then I am going to start looking for a new apartment because my husband will surely be leaving me after this holiday season.
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Scout
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
I'm back to popcorn strings and "cranberry" beads....in case something really bad happens, then at least I have food to eat (albeit stale)
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Smackdown
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
I fully support the acquisition and display of insane Christmas ornaments. My husband and I have turned it into a tradition every year where we try to find the stupidest, most ridiculous ornament for the other person we can.

I think last year, I got him a doctor fish. Like, a fish. Except dressed up as a doctor. For no reason. I suppose it would be meaningful to either a sick fisherman or an aquatic veterinarian, but my husband is neither. Thus, funny.
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badmutha
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
We have all manner of crap on our tree, from fishing ornaments to guitars to actual religous stuff. It even has a parachuting Santa, and a number of moon shaped face things. We love it.
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morninggloria
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
If there's Christmas in heaven, does that mean that there's also (Christian) church in heaven? And when the congregation sings "Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again!" does Jesus jump out from behind a potted plant or something and say, "Yo guys! I'm already here!" and does the whole crowd laugh, and does Jesus laugh also? Is church a really funny inside joke/game of pretend?
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CrossWord
11/10/08

@morninggloria: During Communion, they just wheel Jesus out on a spit. Don't worry, folks--he grows back!

/goes to hell in a hand basket.
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morninggloria
11/10/08

@CrossWord: There's a lot of jovial laughter mixed up with the weird pagan remnant cannibalism.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
Wait, you mean everyone doesn't cover her Christmas tree with cross-stitched ornaments?

Must be just me, then.
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shan_a_rama
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
I live about an hour & a half away from Bronners, The Store (tm). I'm thinking pilgrimage this year. I don't think I've been there since I was 10. I'll pass on the Zenders chicken though (last time I was in Frankenmuth we went to a microbrewery to eat and I had the most amazing cheddar ale soup).

The sooldier ornament looks like "Mission Accomplished" era Dubya. You stay classy Christmas tree.
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Spaceman Bill Leah
11/10/08

@shan_a_rama: Microbrewery you say? This just might be the ammunition I need to get my husband to accompany me on a pilgrimage from Chicago.
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hellosunshine
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
Heh, every year when I was little, I got my own ornament, so now we have little Oreo people, Winnie the Pooh, etc. hangin' on our tree at home. CLEARLY I have to continue this tradition with that pirate ship. AVAST!
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MissNormaDesmond
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
Am I the only one who saw this and was hoping for festive holiday-themed items inscribed with the Rabbi Hillel's Moral ABC taught to Carpenter Jesus? "Listen Children! Eternal Father! Eternal One! Exceptions eternally? Absolute None! Enjoy the fountain of eternal health/wealth/happiness from this lovely cut-glass punch bowl!"
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SomeAuthorGirl
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
I'm a Jewzebel, so this whole Christmas thing still kind of rocks my world. The Bronner's sale section has something called an Animated Um Pa Polka Band. It is Santa, a moose, and a snowman playing, one assumes, polka music. It might be the best thing I have ever seen.
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egg cream
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
Okay, I still don't see what's weird about these ornaments ("Christmas in Heaven" and the o-face soldier aside) -- my family's tree is all about Star Trek ornaments, and tiny locomotives, and snuggling newlywed animals, and kindergarten pinecone-and-glitter creations.

Now, one of those color-coordinated trees decorated with uniform red ribbons and gold balls? That's weird.
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stacyinbean
11/10/08

@egg cream: Oooh, my parents have the full Star Trek collection as well. I also have a full set of ornament sized lunchboxes and thermoses that I enjoy decorating with.

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hellosunshine
11/10/08

@egg cream: It always throws me off when I go into others' houses and they have like, an all-white and silver tree. I'm all, "Where's the misshapen clay thing I made in first grade?! Where's the martini glass? FOR THE LOVE, where are the shark ornaments?!"
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wolf biter
11/10/08

@egg cream: Agreed. Trees like that make me sad. They don't have any personality.

If you want your tree to have a "finished" look, try strings of beads or bows made of wired ribbon or kick it old school like I did a few years ago: Swipe colored paper from the copy room at your office, slice it into 1 1/4" strips, and make paper chains. Sit on the couch with your stapler and a beer, and by the end of 30 Rock you'll have enough paper chain to decorate your whole damn house.
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CrossWord
11/10/08

@wolf biter: The "star" on our tree last year was cut from a yellow Jose Cuervo magazine ad. I run a classy joint.
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haguenite
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
I can't judge. Our family has this competition for who can find the most gaudy, tacky, kitschy, distasteful Christmas ornament. It's a remnant from when my sisters and I, as little girls, were allowed to pick the ornaments.

We always have the best tree. People cal it ugly, but it's loved by our family.
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haguenite
11/10/08

@haguenite: For example, I will admit to owning this darling leprechaun:

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DoNotStalk loves Jason Bateman
11/10/08

@haguenite: Is he touching himself in a...shall we say, gleeful manner?
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Ascendo_tuum
11/10/08

@DoNotStalk: Actually laughing out loud hysterically at that. Snorting, even.
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Majrhoulihan
11/10/08

In reply to 9 More Weird Christmas Ornaments From Bronner's
I just wanted to say, my long-time boyfriend and I met in high school...and our mascot was the frogs.

We are frogs in love.
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