Jezebel 
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New York, 9:08 AM
Mon Nov 9
19 posts in the last 24 hours
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10/13/09
No sex =/= no relationship, you stupid fucking moron. Does this mean all of my relationships were invalid? Of course. Of course, there was no relationship because we didn't fuck. Thanks for clearing that up! Whew, it's good to know that I've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, and I had better let the one I'm dating (whoops! Having a friendship with!) know that he's not really my partner! Thanks, Internet!
For some of us, sex isn't easy. For some of us, it's not desirable. And you know what? We don't deserve to be lambasted and be told how worthless our relationships are because we don't have sex in them. Don't you think this woman has enough to sort through? Respect her! For fuck's sake, have some compassion! She's reaching out to help someone else understand how awful it can be (likening it to a "ghost" that she's lugging around doesn't sound like anything that anyone would want).
There are some very kind, understanding and compassionate comments on the BoingBoing thread, and I really appreciate the number of people that stood up for her and basically told the rest to fuck off.
/end angry, bitter, too-close-for-comfort rant.
10/13/09
But on the other hand, this is an extreme version of something that a LOT of people face: a physical (or mental) condition that impacts your sex life.
My wife has Crohn's and I've got a nice little rollercoaster of depression going on sometimes, and both of those conditions HAVE to be part of the conversation when it comes to our sex life.
Compassion is great and helpful, but you reach a point where you have to accept your situation and deal with it, rather than giving explanations (or excuses) for why you've got to be handled more delicately than the rest of the human race.
10/13/09
10/14/09
I'm not asking for people to treat me like a delicate flower. Not outright mocking me would be a nice start for most situation.
@Jack_Burton: Ah, I know. Never read the comments :) I guess because I've had that discussion so many times, and with no real success in many situations, it gets to me. I don't like the situation I'm in, but I don't know how to fix it.
10/14/09
10/13/09
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10/13/09
With this being added to the DSM, it actually will further treatment for the physical problem. You cannot bill insurence or even "diagnose" someone with something unless it's in the DSM, which means drug companies and other people in the field have no incentive to research the disease or disorder.
So it being added to the DSM will most likely help these people.
10/13/09
(Sorry. Had to. That does suck an awful lot though.)
10/13/09
I used to have sexual problems when I was younger, and I remember having incredible anxiety about why a guy would stay with me if I couldn't have sex. These comments are the worst examples of people who can't understand the complexities of a relationship. These are the same guys who complain about their "nagging wives" over beers with their buddies, then cheat with much younger women during their mid-life crises. Cliche, ignorant, and unforgivable.
10/13/09
It's not fair. I wish no one would look down on this woman. This shit is hard enough as it is without other people's ignorant, cruel judgment.
10/13/09
I wish people would understand that this woman is probably harder on herself about her disorder than anyone else could possibly be. Also, her boyfriend obviously knows what's going on, and it's entirely possible he has issues of his own that complement hers. And again, it's just no one's business.
10/13/09
10/13/09
10/13/09
But the question raised about the girl's boyfriend is, I think, a valid one. She doesn't say how HE feels about the relationship, but I for one would be interested to hear how this affects him. I'd imagine this kind of thing could be a real self-confidence killer.
10/13/09
10/13/09
Maybe. Not so positive if he eventually becomes bitter about it or makes her feel guilty about it. (I've perhaps read too many Savage Love columns involving unequal sex drive issues)
10/13/09
I'm in a relationship with unequal sex drives. I want it always, he wants it close to never. But I love him and I'm good at making myself come, and we have other ways of being physically intimate.
I think sometimes when we try to be sex positive, we make sex out to be something impossible to be without, and we look down sometimes on those who can deal with not having it, or for whom it's lower down on the totem pole of needs (not saying that's what you're doing, at all!!). I think it's important to remember that part of sex positivity is not assuming and judging other people's drives and willingness to abstain. That's why I don't think it's fair to question his status as boyfriend or how okay he is with the situation.
10/13/09
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10/13/09
Dollars to donuts some intern at Men's Health is writing up a complete misinterpretation of this as an advice piece right now.
10/13/09
I really hated that one. How can someone seriously think this is desireble? (But of course it was understood as soon as the argument came "But I also have in in church!" Any other public space or in front of your family = totally fine. No?)
10/13/09
If I ever found myself injured or ill in Fake Seattle, I'd demand to be taken anywhere besides Seattle Grace Hospital.
10/13/09
10/13/09
10/13/09
09/25/09
The comments, especially, have been eye-opening to me.
Here's the link: [bit.ly]
If you've been affected by mental health issues and treatments in your family or personal life, you'll find a lot to chew on.
Susie