Dear Man I Sat Next to at the 3:10pm showing of Wolf of Wall Street at the Regal Cinemas L.A. LIVE Stadium 14,

According to sources close to Miley Cyrus, she's written an apologetic "open letter" to ex-fiance Liam Hemsworth. What does the open letter say? Back off, busybodies—that's between Miley and Liam!!! What part of "open letter" don't you understand!? In related news, I think it's about time the entire earth has a…

Dear Elizabeth: I don't see what more you could have done.

Dear Drapers, Now that it's officially up to me to take care of the house, I have a few things to say. I know I usually don't talk, even though we all know what was going on in the Sixties.

Hi. I think there are a few things we need to clarify, because your Missed Connections aren't reaching me and it's obviously not my fault.

After seeing a commercial for Leonardo DiCaprio's latest film, "Inception," Sleeping Beauty wrote in to share her thoughts.

Angelina Jolie has a new tattoo, but she claims it's "just for Brad." My neighbor, Helen Peters, supermarket tabloid aficionado/conspiracy theorist, finds all of this fascinating and has written in to share her thoughts on the matter.

Here's an open letter from women who work at The Daily Show. I just wish the show had agreed to answer questions or make anyone available to talk when I approached them for comment before the piece was published. [TDS]

Upon hearing about the separation of reality stars Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, Quinn Morgendorffer of Lawndale, U.S.A., wrote in to share her thoughts on the matter.

Last week, while describing what she thought her Baby-Sitters Club characters would be up to today, author Ann M. Martin admitted that she had no "strong feelings" about Mallory Pike. Incensed as ever, Mallory Pike wrote in to respond.

According to the National Retail Federation, Americans are set to spend $4.75 billion on Halloween supplies this year. Concerned at this development, The Ghost Of Christmas Future wrote in to share his thoughts on the matter.

Upon viewing the extremely heinous shots of Jon Gosselin hosting a pool party at a Vegas hotel this weekend, Sterling Cooper's Creative Director, Mr. Donald Draper, wrote in to share his thoughts on the matter.

Upon hearing the news that Archie Andrews is finally planning to propose to either Betty or Veronica after 68 years of stringing them along, Dylan McKay wrote in to share his thoughts on the matter.