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"You Should Play Basketball!"
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girl.of.your.dreams
10/16/09

In reply to "You Should Play Basketball!"
A college friend of mine was on The Price is Right. He's a black guy, about 6'5", and barely fit in frame next to Bob Barker. The only question BB had for him: "So... do you play basketball?" #onion
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PaintedTrollop
10/16/09

In reply to "You Should Play Basketball!"
I'm 6'. I hated basketball. My daughter is 6'4" and always loathed team sports. Her high school experience was made even more torturous by the coaches who chased her in the hallways and the constant questioning, "do you play basketball?" I had to hear the question from other parents, who always responded, "too bad" when I said she didn't play. I learned, when I got the question to answer by asking, "Are your short children circus performers?" Just because we're tall doesn't obligate us to do "tall things," any more than being short obligates men to become little Napoleons. #onion
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bowleserised
10/16/09

@PaintedTrollop: She needs one of these: [www.tallgirls.co.uk]

I had to deal with numerous gym teachers assuming I could run fast too, at 5ft11, but luckily they never suggested netball, as my lack of coordination was evident... #onion
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PaintedTrollop
10/16/09

@bowleserised: Ha! I had a shirt made for her one year that said, "I don't play basketball. Not a model." #onion
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whynotshesaid
10/16/09

In reply to "You Should Play Basketball!"
The other tall girl I work with asked me the other day if I played basketbal and volleyball in high school. I did, and she did too, and we both admit we were recruited for the teams because of our height. #onion
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morninggloria
10/16/09

In reply to "You Should Play Basketball!"
I'm average to a little tall-ish, and I played high school basketball (mostly because my dad was a superathlete in high school and he would have been very disappointed had I not played). I was the captain my senior year, and started at point guard until I started calling the coach out on his stupid play calling. He benched me. The team lost every game for the rest of the season and for the following two seasons. My mom called it "(real name)'s Curse." #onion
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BearDownCBears
10/16/09

@morninggloria: You were a captain and you have a curse? Man, if you got like scurvy or fleas or syphilis you could go full-pirate. #onion
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Cerridwen
10/16/09

@morninggloria: I got sucked into volleyball due to my father's glory days of superathleticism. In fact, he used to play with my old coach. Ah, parents and their misplaced expectations... #onion
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morninggloria
10/16/09

@BearDownCBears: What makes you think I don't have syphilis? #onion
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o-line
10/16/09

In reply to "You Should Play Basketball!"
So funny. I was asked to join a work basketball team today. No one asked if I played, they just assumed that I did because I am a girl giant. Like I signed a contract the devil to play sports and get things off the top shelf for ladies in the grocery store if he'd make me taller.

Like many others here, my above-average height peaked at an early age. I was guilted into playing as a kid until all of the other girls caught up and eventually exceeded me in height (and in skill). Basketball is vicious.
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Edited by o-line at 10/16/09 11:58 AM o-line was starred o-line was unstarred

Zombie Ms. Skittles
10/16/09

@o-line: Like I signed a contract the devil to play sports and get things off the top shelf for ladies in the grocery store if he'd make me taller.

Awesome. I might use this if anymore old men try to convince me that height = sports ability. #onion
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highjump
10/16/09

@o-line: Is jezebel secretly a community for talls? On other posts I've noticed a lot ot tall people speaking up. We should conduct a spurious relationship study on height and feminism. #onion
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o-line
10/16/09

@highjump: Is jezebel secretly a community for talls?

There are a lot of Jezetalls. We should form a basketball team! #onion
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jigglyball
10/16/09

@o-line: I was 5'8" by about eighth grade, and I finally went to basketball camp that summer to shut everyone up. Above average height simply couldn't fix: my two left feet when it came to running plays, my inability to dribble and walk at the same time, and my utter mystification that people can actually shoot the ball with two hands (this has frustrated many ex-boyfriends who are just sure that I could be really good if I tried). #onion
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Katxyz
10/16/09

In reply to "You Should Play Basketball!"
My tall friend gets asked about basketball, volleyball, tennis and modeling.

I try to muster up as much sympathy as I can from my 5 foot form, but my shoulder is far to low for her to cry on.
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Edited by Katxyz at 10/16/09 11:55 AM Katxyz was starred Katxyz was unstarred

Le Kangourou de Kataroo
10/16/09

@Katxyz: I'm 5'10" and still get asked these on a regular basis. I usually tell them I don't play ball sports, as anyone who has watched me try can attest to. #onion
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Cerridwen
10/16/09

@Katxyz: Replace tennis with rowing and that's me. #onion
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winner
10/16/09

In reply to "You Should Play Basketball!"
Am I the only one here who actually DID say "ok?" To both basketball and volleyball.

I was in the courtyard, freshman year of high school, with no friends (just moved to Texas from S. Africa) and the basketball coach saw me standing there and begged me to follow him. He asked if I had ever played basketball and I said "yes" (I had, but not, like, real basketball) and he asked what position I played and I said "defense." He frowned. That was the beginning of a beautiful relationship with Texas high school athletics (basketball, volleyball AND cross country). A relationship that would get me a nearly full ride to an Ivy League school (where I decided I preferred rowing). #onion
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run_sunshine
10/16/09

@winner: The Ivies don't give out athletic scholarships. What kind of full ride were you offered? #onion
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whynotshesaid
10/16/09

@winner: I said yes, to all of the sports teams I was recruited for (v-ball, b-ball and track). I was really terrible at all of the sports, but I don't regret playing on the teams. Some of my best high school memories directly result from playing team sports - sleepovers, bus rides to cities two hours away, actually making it to the state championship one year which meant we got to stay in hotel rooms...good times, yo. Good times. #onion
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winner
10/16/09

@run_sunshine: Sorry - need-based from the school and private scholarships based on merit / extra-curriculars. #onion
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winner
10/16/09

@whynotshesaid: I will always be a fan of long bus rides. Especially if they get me out of work early. Which doesn't exactly ever happen. #onion
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Cerridwen
10/16/09

@winner: I said yes to volleyball. And I rue the day I ever did. #onion
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Kivrin
10/16/09

In reply to "You Should Play Basketball!"
That happens to really tall guys, too. My university has had quite a few 7'+ players who obviously made the team based only on the possibility that having such a player under the basket with his arms up might result in an accidental block.
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Edited by Kivrin at 10/16/09 11:41 AM Kivrin was starred Kivrin was unstarred

JessickerFletcher
10/16/09

In reply to "You Should Play Basketball!"
It's okay, I regularly tell my under-five-foot neighbor that being a jockey is really his only option. #onion
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
10/16/09

In reply to "You Should Play Basketball!"
I can relate too. I never took them up on it because I have the hand-eye coordination of a gerbil, but as a kid (I was 5'9 at 13) I was constantly being nagged about joining basketball teams.

Hell, last year (when I was 22!!!) an old man at the grocery store almost made me cry because he kept INSISTING that I should be playing basketball despite my assertions that I'm really, really bad at it.
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Edited by Zombie Ms. Skittles at 10/16/09 11:36 AM

pursedangler
10/16/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: Oh, and I'm sure he thought he was paying you a great compliment! Which, he probably was in his mind, but...I hate stuff like that. #onion
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
10/16/09

@pursedangler: His wife looked really, really embarrassed (probably because I was about to cry). I kept explaining that I'm not THAT tall in the basketball scheme of things ("But you're tall for a lady!") and that I don't like basketball and am not very good at it.

They obviously forgot to hand me my basketball talent at the tall clinic. #onion
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highjump
10/16/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: The onion article also brings up volleyball. Did you get this one too?

The only sport I was ever decent at was soccer (you only have to use one set of limbs!) where height is a handicap. Unless you consider colorguard a sport (I do) because I kicked ass at that. #onion
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
10/16/09

@highjump: No, and I was actually not bad at volleyball. But I played rec league and they were all about the basketball there.

My favorite was when some guys asked if I'd ever thought about going on America's Next Top Model. It was a nice change from basketball. #onion
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highjump
10/16/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: Good for you, volleyball is hard! At leat for me; when forced to play in gym my serves regularly hit my teammates in the back of the head.

ANTM/ 'you should model' is a nice change of pace. My angle for getting on the show would be to fill the smart girl who is too good for this role. Then I would have a breakdown during panel about 3 epsiodes in declaring how wrong I was. #onion
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pursedangler
10/16/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: Malpractice! #onion
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
10/16/09

@highjump: The thing is, I'm 5'9. Modeling is a realistic career at my height. Professional basketball is not unless you've got a lot of natural skill and trained very hard.

Neither of those really apply to pudgy slow girls.
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Edited by Zombie Ms. Skittles at 10/16/09 11:59 AM

morninggloria
09/16/09

In reply to Boy Oh Boyle
Being nice to ugly people is how you get to heaven.
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Penny
09/16/09

@morninggloria: Shit, I thought it was adopting three-legged animals.
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colormeroutine
09/16/09

In reply to Boy Oh Boyle
For a few of these I honestly cannot tell if they are the real ones or fake ones
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JennaW
09/16/09

@colormeroutine: I often read the real CNN headlines off to the side and think "Ha ha! So funny!" and then realize those headlines were true.
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Jack_Burton
06/22/09

In reply to Kitchen Not Hot Enough For Horny Teen Cook
Reminds me of this horrid true story:

SHEPHERDSVILLE, Ky. -- A Shepherdsville jury has awarded $6.1 million to a former McDonald's employee who was strip-searched and sodomized in a back office at the behest of a caller impersonating a police officer.

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prestocaro fears the culling
06/22/09

@Jack_Burton: That haunts me to this day. I cannot believe that people believe a random person on the phone is a police officer, and that the 'police officer' wants them to sexually assault a person.
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lolacat
06/22/09

In reply to Kitchen Not Hot Enough For Horny Teen Cook
Reminds me of this... [jezebel.com]

All is good when the gropings welcome, y'all.
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mepo - Robert Cornhole invented it
05/15/09

In reply to Senior Moments
The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more 'n a few.
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