At The Onion.

The Onion's list of ways the Pill changed women's lives includes gems like "women are now able to learn math" and "heralds the start of all '60s montages." But what about the all-important period control?

According to an old medical report posted on Discover.com, a 24-year-old woman who arrived at a London hospital, fearing she had a cancerous tumor in her vagina, came to discover that the lump was actually "a parting gesture of affection."

The Onion quotes Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius: "Any questions about whether or not our teens were past their prime or could no longer bring the heat have been answered. We never should have doubted them." [Onion]

The grossest thing about The Onion's "20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine's Day" is its use of the word "manscaping" without quotes. Is this just common parlance now? What's next, manties? [Onion]

The Onion cracks a joke about a girl being recruited for basketball "based on her above- average height, the presence of two functional arms." I would laugh, but... I can relate. [Onion]

The future of reality shows? "Britain's Got Talent is temporarily thrown into disarray when a physically unattractive person is revealed to have some shred of societal worth." As for the Duggar joke... eh, no. [Onion]

From the Onion: "18-year-old fry cook Joey Terzig [called] for an environment in which unsolicited touching by female coworkers is encouraged." We'd rather laugh at this than at real sexual harassment. [Onion]

Ha! "Mary Parise, 89, avoided being committed to an elder-care facility until just last week, when her children discovered her down-home turns of phrase were in fact the senseless ramblings of a senile woman." [Onion]

According to a (gross) new study, female body odor smells like a variety of savory foods! Read on!

The Onion is selling gift boxes featuring fake products that will definitely make watching dad open that package of sock you got him more exciting. Who wouldn't want the iFeast, a portable MP3 docking station/pet feeding system or a smoke alarm that wakes you slowly to the gentle sounds of the rain forest?…

According to various sources, George Clooney is looking good. And, says one geneticist, he is only getting better-looking with time. "Unlike most carbon-based organisms," the Princeton scientist notes, "Clooney, with his puppy-dog eyes and salt-and-pepper hair, has aged like a fine wine." A recent poll revealed that…