one night stands

posts about #onenightstands more →
Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
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Cunning_Linguist
08/12/09

In reply to Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
My sexual history is going to have to disagree with you, science.
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Gavagirl
08/12/09

@Cunning_Linguist: my sexual history suspects science only polled sober women, who were free of dating despair, low self-esteem, and other mental maladies at the time of questioning.
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likepenguins
08/12/09

In reply to Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
Was there not an option for C: "just needed to get off with someone other than myself tonight?"
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sequined
08/12/09

In reply to Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
I feel like the definition is so fudge-able that this study doesn't really tell me anything.
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clevernamehere
08/12/09

In reply to Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
This doesn't actually say that men are more likely to agree to have casual sex than women, it says that on a survey men are more likely to say they'd be willing to have casual sex. It sounds like a slight difference but what people actually do and what they say on a survey they'd do aren't always the same thing.
I can't be bothered to try and find the original study, but there is a lot of interesting stuff in the write up. It wasn't just would you have sex, it was also would you go out with and would you go back to their apartment.
I think physical safety might have played as much of a role as gender norms. I think a lot of women are wary about going home with a stranger, but when they are actually talking to a real, live person he doesn't feel like a stranger.
I think its interesting that German men were the least likely to accept a casual sex offer- its not just biology!- and that women put such a premium on looks (since we're not supposed to!)
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covergirlofdoom
08/12/09

In reply to Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
in other news, the sky is blue.
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Bunsy
08/12/09

@covergirlofdoom: My sentiments exactly...
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Highsmith
08/12/09

In reply to Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
I think one of the reasons is that women have to fear physical violence much more than men if they hook up with an anonymous stranger. I like one night stands. There. I said it.
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Helio
08/12/09

@Highsmith: this is so true and I agree that I like one night stands. The last one i had, while we were milling about outside the club, i straight up asked if he was a "murderer/rapist." Yikes, i know, but when you're in a time crunch, there's no room for subtly!
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thePrototype
08/12/09

@Highsmith: you are right on every point! I remember asking my husband at the time 'you aren't going to kill us, are you?' on the elevator trip up to our hotel room.
I don't that thought ever crossed his mind in any of his one night stands.
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Highsmith
08/12/09

@thePrototype: Seriously, everybody who answered, if I could I'd onenightstand a different guy 3 times a week.
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clevernamehere
08/12/09

@Highsmith: Its funny, but when I was in college one of my requirements for letting friends go home with a stranger was always "Are you going to fuck him?" I always figured if the guy just had sex, he'd probably be too lazy to murder you, but way too many girls ignore the possibility of rape.
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mirrorghost
08/12/09

@Highsmith:
yep i agree. that and it's easier for us to get std's. so it's just not worth it as much.

i read a study once that summed it up:
in a general (not just one night stand) sense, men fear being ridiculed/rejected by women most. women feared being raped and murdered by men most. i think that says it all.
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clevernamehere
08/12/09

In reply to Unlucky Duck Gets Orthopedic Sandal • Overuse Of IVF Due To Sexism?
I really get annoyed at how little we talk about male fertility. 40% of the time the problem is the man, 40% of the time its the woman, and 20% of the time its both (or they just have no idea). Male fertility does decline with age even though it doesn't drop off the way it does with women.
Before I was born, my parents spent 6 years trying to conceive. This was just about the time that IVF was invented, but it wasn't being used outside of research labs yet. They were just about ready to cut my mom open so they could root around for a problem when my old Irish granny (who hadn't even graduated high school) mentioned to my mom maybe it could have something to do with the pills my dad took. My mom scoffed, if that were possible, the doctors would have asked! But she asked anyway and found out my dad's high blood pressure medicine caused temporary infertility. No one had ever asked anything about my dad's medical history and his doctor had never mentioned that side effect. My dad went off the pills and I was born less than a year later, despite my mom's advanced maternal age of 36.
I don't think all that much has changed since then. If anyone is having fertility problems, they should get their partner into a fertility specialist.
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Maritsa
08/13/09

@clevernamehere: Good doctors examine both patients. Times have changed, some. My regular GYN had my husband give a sample for a sperm analysis before she even put me on Clomid. He had another complete work-up when we were referred to an infertility clinic, which is standard at clinics.
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cupscake
08/12/09

In reply to Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
The more I drank the more I lowered my standards...yikes did I just admit that?
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token_illiterate_commenter
08/12/09

@cupscake: Yes, you just admitted to being a normal human being. Shame on you.
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morninggloria
08/12/09

In reply to Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
My first attempt at a one night stand turned into a year and a half (and counting) relationship. I suck at one night stands.
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thePrototype
08/12/09

@morninggloria: That is how I ended up married to a guy from another country.
One night stands, we're doin' them wrong...
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iena
08/12/09

@morninggloria: Same here. I married my one night stand about a month ago. Ooops.
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SomeAuthorGirl
08/12/09

In reply to Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
Yet another study purporting to define adult behavior being conducted on less than 500 students. No offense to all of you lovely college-aged Jezzies, but I feel like maybe conducting such a study on multiple age groups at once would (maybe!) have less of a bullshit odor.
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zegota
08/12/09

@SomeAuthorGirl: Students generally get course credit for participating in studies like this, making it incredibly easy for researchers to tap that pool. I agree, it makes for vastly inappropriate generalizations. The headline should really read "Female college students more picky than male students about one night stands."
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Laulau
08/12/09

@zegota: The headline should, in fact, really read "Female college students claim, when sober, to be more picky than male students about one night stands."
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clevernamehere
08/12/09

@SomeAuthorGirl: Actually, its over 800 students (400+ male and female) in three countries. This is one of the cases where I don't really mind people using students. 20 year olds are generally more likely to have one night stands than 40 year olds for a lot of reasons- less likely to be in a committed relationship, less likely to have kids they need to get home to. If you want to look at the basic mechanics, college students aren't a bad start.
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SomeAuthorGirl
08/12/09

@clevernamehere: Oops, I can do math! Ok, less than a thousand.
Uh, I'd have to disagree about the generalization that 20 year olds are more likely to have one night stands than 40 year olds. My friends and I are all in our 30's and 40's - one night stands do occur with frequency. They just happen in hotels instead of across the quad.
Sure, the basic mechanics, but I'll stand by feeling like trying to reach a definition of the sexual/romantic behaviors of "women and men" is possibly not best sought from 20 year olds alone.
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clevernamehere
08/12/09

@SomeAuthorGirl: I don't think they are actually trying to talk about all women and men. This is just one little study to add to the literature. Maybe its because I've done social science research, but I really doubt the researchers were thinking "This is it, we've cracked it!" It is very rare for a single paper to be considered that important.
I'm pretty sure I've seen statistics that on average, younger people are more likely to have multiple partners. I'm also not really sure that the 20 somethings and 40 somethings who would have one night stands would necessarily being using different criteria, so if the population of 40 somethings interested in one night stands is small, I'm not sure if it would add much information to this particular study.
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SomeAuthorGirl
08/12/09

@clevernamehere: Admittedly, I have zero experience doing social science research. That said, I think that people at my age are more likely to lie about having multiple partners/one night stands. When you're this allegedly responsible adult/parent, the giggle/brag element of going back to a room with someone decreases by a significant factor. Doesn't mean you don't do it for whatever reason. The study does actually define students as women and men, not "students in their early twenties who are just starting to figure out life." I guess the danger is in the language that gets used to describe these very scientific studies; the way they are presented is misleading and therefore they come across as silly. To me. :)
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clevernamehere
08/12/09

@SomeAuthorGirl: If people are lying, there is only so much you can do about it in research like this. Its just a survey. Though honestly, I still think the numbers are probably different at different ages. On the woman/men thing, that's more a science writing issue. I would guess the study actually said something like "400 male college students."
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CParis
08/12/09

@SomeAuthorGirl:
Yup! Business trips can be a little more fun with some bedtime adventure, plus if you're getting it in Chicago and you live in New York, you don't have to worry about running into your "one-nighter" at the local Walgreens.
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LawFairy
08/12/09

@SomeAuthorGirl: I totally agree. I also think, and this is supported by the anecdotal evidence of my life experience and that of many, many female friends, that women at least a few years out of college are a LOOOOOT more likely to do things like one-night stands than when they were in college.

Now, granted, a lot of my gal pals, like me, were nerds in college ('swhy we're professionals today!), so it's definitely possible this colors my perception of what's "normal" for college age versus late 20s-40s. But it's also almost certainly true that women overcome a LOT of inhibitions in our 20s, which would obviously make us a lot less squeamish about things like casual sex. I don't have NEARLY the hangups about sex I did in my early twenties. ALSO ALSO women peak sexually in our mid-30s.
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SomeAuthorGirl
08/12/09

@LawFairy: In college I definitely got around, but yeah, I did not come into my own sexually until much later (nerds represent!). If I think about it I haven't really done so until lately... then again, we're sort of "always becoming." :)
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token_illiterate_commenter
08/12/09

In reply to Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
Did these women say this after a night of drinking? Because that's when the one night stand decision is really made. It's amazing how cute even we not "exceptionally attractive" men can get when you have half a bottle of Tequila in you.
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greengrey
08/12/09

@token_illiterate_commenter: Haha. Yes. Do you have a penis? Can you carry out a conversation?
"OMG THAT GUY IS SOOOO HOTTTT!"
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littlemissvan
08/12/09

@greengrey: Wow your standards are high! When I'm drunk, I'm all, Penis? Check! Tongue? Check! Sexxy times please!
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freudian_slip
08/12/09

@token_illiterate_commenter: I was thinking the same thing--who are all of these guys sleeping with if it's not women with slightly lowered (read: alcohol-induced) expectations?
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whoneedslight
08/12/09

@token_illiterate_commenter:
I gave my phone number to a cab driver that didn't even speak English once because that half bottle of Tequila told me we were soul mates.
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Highsmith
08/12/09

@whoneedslight: in tequila veritas.
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meritxell: an erotic life
08/12/09

@greengrey: God I love you guys. Yeah, my standards are "nearby" and "male".
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Edited by meritxell: an erotic life at 08/12/09 8:18 PM

CParis
08/12/09

@littlemissvan:
Exactly! Only conversation required is "here's the condom!"
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likepenguins
08/12/09

@littlemissvan: to be fair, that's my standards when i'm not drunk.
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sybann
08/12/09

In reply to Women More Picky Than Men About One Night Stands
From the department of "who the hell paid for this" obvious studies.
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TRexstasy
08/12/09

In reply to Unlucky Duck Gets Orthopedic Sandal • Overuse Of IVF Due To Sexism?
A survey says the average woman spends 16 months of her life crying
This Jezegay is thinking that for me it's more like two and a half years.
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SomeAuthorGirl
08/12/09

@TRexstasy: Heh. For me (jezegirl) it's more like 4.5 years (1994-1998 and half of 2002). 16 months, my patootie.
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LowClassInk
08/12/09

In reply to Unlucky Duck Gets Orthopedic Sandal • Overuse Of IVF Due To Sexism?

That duck isn't the only one! (There's a whole slideshow in the Telegraph.)
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sybann
08/12/09

In reply to Unlucky Duck Gets Orthopedic Sandal • Overuse Of IVF Due To Sexism?
You just KNOW the rich ducks are footing the bill for that gimpy lucky ducky.
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wtfox?!
08/12/09

@sybann: I bet he doesn't even work.
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nerdycellist
08/12/09

@sybann: he's probably an ILLEGAL!!!
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Runaddict
08/12/09

@sybann: Nah, I bet he has AFLAC.
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