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Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia

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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
I did an oral history with my still-living grandmother (the other one passed away when I was little), and recorded her talking for about an hour, mostly about the time when she got married in 1950, and left college to have her first baby (my mom). The thing that stood out to me is that although she was incredibly busy, working outside the home, raising 3 kids and preparing home-cooked meals every night with very little help from my grandfather (who to this day doesn't know where things are in the kitchen)...she was just so matter-of-fact about it all.

She didn't seem to have these crazy anxieties about whether she was doing things "right." She just DID them. Baby hungry? Feed it. Need money? Work. No time to worry whether you are feeding the baby scientifically optimized formula, or if your working outside the home is damaging the psyche of the kids. It seems like although she did a ton of stuff, she didn't have the massive angst that a lot of people do today.
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clevernamehere
04/02/09

@Flackette is a bored flack: We know from the Feminine Mystique though that some women did feel like how shiny the floor was and how bright their baby was were a reflection on their self worth.

I think it is worse now, but I think some people still have the ability to work, marry and parent without obsessing over it.
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

@clevernamehere: I'm sure that's true - but Betty Friedan seems to suggest that the women who felt that way were the ones whose entire lives were consumed with housewifery. I'd guess the reason my grandmother didn't recall feeling her self-worth bound up in the cleanliness of her house is because she had so many irons in the fire. There just wasn't time for her to sit at home admiring her shiny floors and becoming increasingly obsessive about being a dream wife. So basically, it sounds to me like then as well as now, women needed balance in their lives.
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sybann
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
DISHWASHER!? In the 50's? Bullshite.
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

@sybann: Seriously. They had been invented, but were not in regular use. My parents didn't get one until the late 70s.
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Trulymadlyme
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
Is that a textbook on how to be a housewife or a guide to being a geisha?
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JulesNoctambule
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
I suppose I'd be able to ask my grandmother what it was like to be a 1950s housewife. . .if she'd actually been one. A lot of women had these things called 'jobs outside of the home' back then, too.
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

@JulesNoctambule: Yup, same here. One had an official job outside the home (a series of them, really - she spent 50 years as a secretary, retired, and immediately went back to work 2 days a week because she was bored). The other one inherited the family farm and general store - and there is plenty of work to go around on a farm.
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
In the 1950s my grandmothers both worked (one in offices, one running a store and on a farm) while raising children. So all this business about how women only stayed at home in the 50s is a bunch of hogwash.
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greengrey
04/02/09

@Flackette is a bored flack: Yeah, my grandmothers also worked (one nurse, other secretary). Wasn't it mostly just an upper middle class thing?
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

@greengrey: Yeah, and in suburbs and cities. My dad's parents lived on the aforementioned farm, where EVERYONE did some kind of work. My Mom's parents were definitely lower middle class (rented for a long time, needed two incomes to get by, did odd jobs in addition to their regular work). The first person in my family to be an at-home mom was my own mother, and it drove her crazy.
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tscheese
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
Goodness, it's not like there's anyone still alive who was a housewife in the 50's! I guess we can't ask THEM what it was like!
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brendastarlet is on it
04/02/09

@tscheese: Mother Starlet was a housewife between careers. She was much happier working.
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Shamrockette
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
Hey, these rules can be positive, if you think about it!

- Have dinner ready- Have the oven preheated and the muffin buttered before your husband comes home. Make sure area of activity is clean.

- Prepare yourself- listen to sexy music beforehand, or do whatever you do before coital activity. Have a few rubbers handy and a bottle of lube. A man that can't penetrate is a failed man.

- Clear away the clutter- Do the landscaping if you've been slacking on it. Your man does NOT want to chew your pussy hairs. And take a damn shower, woman!

- Prepare the children- your brood might be scarred for life hearing the sounds of you calling him 'Daddy' and him making gazelle noises. Make sure they're asleep or can't hear before you fuck like animals.

- When he arrives home, greet him at the door with nothing but stilettos on and let him slam you on the ground in the living room while he pillages your anus. He'll thank you for it.
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Residentdrunkgirl
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
Take his shoes off! You've got to be kidding me!
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clevernamehere
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
These articles seem to miss a lot about the 50s. Yes, women did do the housework and men made the decisions, but they weren't quite the martyrs we tend to paint them as.

-There was no cult of the child. You'd let your kids loose in the yard and they'd come home for dinner. Men didn't do housework, but kids sure did.
-Meals were not expected to be complicated. Meatloaf is pretty easy to make and potatoes can be made from mix. TV dinners were also popular.
-Women had loads of social groups- the PTA, Welcome Wagon, Church groups, weekly bridge games.
-Good marriages never involved women who lived to serve men. There was always a degree of give and take, with fathers taking the kids to the park on Sat so mom could rest and praise for the pot roast.

Not that I'd want to live in the 50s. Her husband sounds like a real jerk regardlesss of the era- smirking at her wifely duties.
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tscheese
04/02/09

@clevernamehere: This dynamic worked really well in the fifties for my grandma and grandpa. Partially because...well, my grandpa runs a small farming/ranching operation, and my grandma was never one to just sit on a doily and do embroidery.

Though she was never employed outside the home, she did a great deal of digging, hanging drywall, sanding and painting and lacquering and tilling and planting. She picked the sweet corn, put up the canned tomatoes and preserves, took care of the dogs and cats, did her own plumbing repairs around the house, butchered and prepared and froze the chickens, etc, etc.

Running a farm is a LOT of work, and just because my grandma's concerns were primarily around the home while my grandpa was out combining or planting or windrowing, it doesn't mean she was left bored, disrespected, or without any places for her energy to go. She worked just as hard as the men and wore jeans and drove pickups and ate as much as she liked. (She is now 81 and looks 55.)

Of course, there were many 50s housewives who felt disrespected, bored, underaccomplished, underutilized, and silent - I mean, this is where we got The Feminine Mystique. But it wasn't this horrible sensory deprivation chamber for everyone.
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clevernamehere
04/02/09

@tscheese: I think it was much harder for women who were more intellectual or women who wanted to have a public life.
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NellMood
04/02/09

@clevernamehere: Exactly. Women who wanted to work outside the home had many, many challenges. Many more women than is commonly thought did have paying jobs, but they were also often criticized severely and told essentially that they were ruining their children by leaving them.
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brendastarlet is on it
04/02/09

@NellMood: there were a couple of careers that were okay for working mothers back then -- schoolteacher, since you'd be close to your kids all day, and working in your husband's business, meaning you probably earned enough to afford help.

A lot of these housewives drank, took Milltown, and went plumb crazy when menopause kicked in, before HRT became widely available.
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LaComtesse
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
Anyone who idealizes the early 60s after watching Mad Men or wants to marry a man like Don Drapper or be a woman just like Betty or Joan is COMPLETELY missing the point of that show.
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greengrey
04/02/09

@LaComtesse: Is wanting to be a woman like Peggy OK?
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LaComtesse
04/02/09

@greengrey: ... meh. I wouldn't recommend it. I mean, elements of any of those women are cool. Of the three, if you had to be one, be Peggy, but even so...
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

@greengrey: Yes, although I still think Peggy has deep psychological issues.
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picardia
04/02/09

@LaComtesse: One of the great things about "Mad Men" is that it makes it clear that, if you were a man, you wouldn't want to be Don Draper or Pete Campbell either. At first their lives look very glamorous, up there in their nests of privilege, but they're as miserable and screwed-up as the women. I think "Sterling Cooper" is a brilliant way of describing the "gilded cage."
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Red-headed bookworm
04/02/09

@LaComtesse: Seriously, I may like the clothes but I appreciate the time I live in where I can wear a pretty dress like they have or wear jeans and a t-shirt. I like not having to depend on a man.
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LaComtesse
04/02/09

@picardia: "Sterling Cooper"... I'd never thought of it that way. Well done.
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brendastarlet is on it
04/02/09

@LaComtesse Has Hit 500 Followers and Loves You All!: indeed! Also, Peggy has had a pretty awful time. Her father is dead, she's had to give away her baby, her sister picks on her, her parish priest is after her, and she had bad hair until only recently.
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Wit is periodically disensouled
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
Dear Daily Mail,

Mad Men is set in the early 1960s.
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neurotickitten
04/02/09

@Wit: Historical inaccuracies are the least of the Daily Mail's problems, but kudos to you for being the first to point it out.
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Princess Leela
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
Wasn't it also the Mail that did the story about women who attempt to exist 24-7 as if it's still the ... 1930s, I think it was, with all period clothes, furnishings, appliances, cars, etc?
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SarahMC
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
"What," asks Jezebel commenter SarahMC, "is it like to live as a baby in the eighties?"
I am transfixed by Full House's visual style, Uncle Jesse's smouldering good looks, D.J. Tanner's big sis sophistication, the transformation of a living room alcove into a home for Joey. But what of this past we are hankering after?
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Kivrin
04/02/09

@SarahMC: What would it be like to actually live in an attic like Jesse and Becky did? I had to know!
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Residentdrunkgirl
04/02/09

@SarahMC: We can just ask Something Corporate - [www.lyrics007.com]

"My Babies of the 80's

**Little girls in jelly shoes

got the ferris bueller blues** "
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neurotickitten
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
This woman did it first: [my50syear.blogspot.com] and it wasn't just for a few days, she's been working on this since January.
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Everything MidnightBikeRide does is a balloon.
04/02/09

In reply to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia
Thanks, Daily Mail. It's so nice to see someone finally taking on the idea that being a 1950s housewife was bliss. I have never, ever seen someone make this point before, and have certainly never seen it better executed. Regular cultural trailblazers, these people. Right on the cutting edge.
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