• Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has been fired from Melrose Place along with co-star Colin Egglesfield, with whom she was rumored to be flirting on-set.

• Producer Todd Slavkin is trying to make it sound like it was always the plan to have Ashlee exit after filming episode 12 in January, saying, "we felt that once the murder mystery was resolved, the tone of the show was going to shift into a much more fun, romantic, sexy upbeat kind of show, and [her] character would move on." [Perez Hilton]
• Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler: not on. A source close to Jess says: "There is nothing romantic there at all." [Us]
• Lil Wayne pled guilty to attempted weapon possession in New York today. Police say they pulled his tour bus over because they smelled pot and found a loaded gun in a Louis Vuitton bag. He is expected to be sentenced to one year behind bars. [TMZ]
• During a radio interview today, Chris Brown said he's learning a lot in his court-ordered domestic violence course and hopes fans can forgive him. "At the end of the day, I'm human," he said. "Of course you're gonna have your thoughts and opinions. I'm not gonna say they're wrong. But at the end of the day, it's not right to judge someone. People make mistakes all the time." [Radar Online]
• Teyana Taylor says her support of Chris Brown has never wavered. "A lot of people were jumping on different bandwagons and I really felt like that was wack," she said. "Before the incident between him and Rihanna, Chris had always been my brother... I've known him for four years and I was one of the only people that stood by his side when the situation happened... When he gets back to where he used to be, a lot of people are going to come running back and smiling in his face." [Vibe]
• You can listen to the moment that caused a judge to declare a mistrial in the John Travolta extortion case at the link. At a Progressive Liberal Party convention, Bahamian lawmaker Picewell Forbes screamed, "Pleasant Bridgewater is a free woman!" The judge declared a mistrial because he believes someone on the jury may have been "communicating" with Forbes. [TMZ]
• Picewell Forbes has been summoned to appear before the judge because he wants Forbes to explain himself in person. [TMZ]
• John Travolta's lawyer says "He was upset [about the mistrial] as he wanted closure. The family wants to privately begin the long and difficult healing process – as well as to properly honor Jett's memory – without the cloud of this litigation over their heads. But he said he is committed to cooperating with authorities so justice can be served." [People]
• Elizabeth Taylor was one of the first people to see the Michael Jackson concert documentary This Is It. She held a screening at her house over the weekend and, according to a source, said, "The film was pure genius and the most magnificent film," and gave it a standing ovation. [Entertainment Tonight]
• When asked if he and wife Khloe Kardashian are planning on having kids, Lamar Odom said, "Maybe one day, hopefully... That's what kings and queens are put on the earth for, to have offspring." [Us]
• Kris Jenner says the Kardashians "have a hunch" about who stole $100,000 of jewelry from Kourtney Kardashian's house. They think it was a group of "jealous" people close enough to the family to know when E!'s cameras weren't rolling and to sort out "what was real jewelry and what was costume jewelry." [Us]
• Dennis Quaid narrowly avoided a DUI when he got in his car outside a L.A. restaurant and moved it about a foot when a cop told him to get out of the car and go back inside and call a cab. A paparazzi yelled, "You don't want a DUI. You don't want to end up like Mel Gibson" and everyone laughed. [TMZ]
• Madonna will visit Malawi on Sunday to lay the foundation stone for a girls' school she's building for $15 million. [Reuters]
• So You Think You Can Dance host Cat Deely says last season when Katie Holmes was on the show Tom Cruise was, "an absolute sweetheart. He was taking videos of his little girl and wife. Just like any guy, he was incredibly proud of his spouse." [E!]
• Lady Gaga says her tour with Kanye West was cancelled because, "It just wasn't the right timing... I don't want to embellish on it too much, because I want to respect Kanye's privacy. But we just had our own reasons. We're real friends, real friends can make decisions like that, and we wanted to keep the momentum going in terms of pop music staying innovative with hip-hop and R&B, and we really wanted to do it, and it just wasn't the right time. But who's to say what will happen in the future?" [People]
• Now that the Fame Kills tour has been cancelled, Lady Gaga will do her own tour called The Monster Ball beginning on November 27. "I wanted to really put together a show that would be the most beautiful, expensive-looking, delicious show, but that my fans wouldn't have to pay a ton of money to come see," she says. [Rolling Stone]
• The Spice Girls may be reuniting for a new reality competition show in which they will search for the women to play themselves in a Spice Girls musical. [The Sun]
• Lisa Kudrow and Dan Bucatinsky are developing a comedy for Showtime based on the memoir Why the Long Face? about author Craig Chester coming to terms with his homosexuality as a child in a conservative Christian family. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Nicholas Rodriguez, a SATC newcomer who will play a "crucial" role in the wedding scene of the upcoming film, says that after the shoot Liza Minnelli said, "'I would like to have everyone's attention,' and they pulled out a stool for her at the piano and gave her a mic and she sang a favorite of her mother, Judy Garland. She said, 'Thank you for letting me play with you guys. It was so heartfelt and genuine. I got choked up and several people were sobbing like a baby, but I'm not going to name names because he might be really embarrassed." Was it Chris Noth? [People]
• Thyssen-Bornemisza museum in Madrid is planning to sell condoms featuring a portrait of David Beckham sleeping. [Guardian]
• The National Enquirer claims that John Edwards is paying for Rielle Hunter and their "love child" Frances to live in a million-dollar home near his family's mansion. Supposedly Elizabeth Edwards is fine with this. [National Enquirer]
• Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton are expecting their first child. [Us]
• Robin Wright Penn says of the media coverage of her split from Sean Penn, "Yes, it's divorce; it's a given that it will be public. But … it's so disrespectful. 'You're an actress, you owe us this?' 'Fuck you,' is what I say." [People]
• Musicians who were outraged when they found out that their songs were cranked up to help break prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, including Pearl Jam, R.E.M., and Trent Reznor, have joined the National Campaign to Close Guantanamo. [AP]
• If Michael Lohan Tweets, don't worry: it' isn't really him. "I don't have a Twitter account, so whoever is sending these messages around is a fake and it's not me," says Lohan. [Radar Online]
• Olivia Newton-John says she feels bad for Britney Spears because compared to Brit, she didn't receive as much press coverage when she rose to fame in the late '70s. She says, "The poor girl. She has lived in a time where the paparazzi reign and we didn't have that problem at all. We'd have occasional intrusion, you know I had a few incidents, but it was nothing like it is now." [Daily Express]
• Ang Lee says he made Taking Woodstock because, "After making several tragic movies in a row, I was looking to do a comedy, and one without cynicism. It might seem a strange idea to make a comedy about Woodstock, but it was kind of bizarre and seemed like comedy material to me." [The Telegraph]
• "I won a 'Best Body Award' from Fitness Magazine and I was too embarrassed to accept it. I actually don't have a good body, but if everybody thinks so, I guess it means I'm a good actress. I have acted the part of the girl who has a very good body. If you know how to dress, there's some tricks you can pull." — Salma Hayek [Parade]
• Brace Paine says he new Gossip had hit the big time, "When we got asked to do The Simpson's theme song." [AP]
• Simon Van Kempen of RHONY says of Bethenny Frankel's impending motherhood, "Nothing prepares you for parenthood [more than] parenthood. That baby will change Bethenny for the better. It will smooth over the few rough edges she still has." [People]
• RHONY's Kelly Killoren Bensimon says she posed for Playboy because, "It's the ultimate compliment and every woman's dream. You get to be a sex symbol and work with top people in the business. It's such an honor." [Star]
• Carrie Fisher says the tackiest piece of Star Wars memorabilia she ever saw was, "The sex doll. No question. But there was one other item: There's that doll of me in the metal bikini, and George Lucas had a special one made for me where the top came off and I had tits." [NPR]

• Late last night, TMZ published a report claiming that Maya Angelou had been taken to the hospital. However, a CNN news editor,Saeed Ahmed, posted on his Twitter page that Angelou's literary agent says the hospital rumors are false. [DetroitFreePress]

• A paparazzi cameraman has filed a police report against Sean Penn, after Penn kicked and hit the cameraman Friday afternoon. [TMZ]
• Video is now available of Lindsay Lohan being booed in Singapore last month. Hopefully things go a bit better for her today at her Ungaro runway debut in Paris. [ONTD]
• "I'm young. I know what it's like. Lots of girls want to dress like me," Lohan says of her advising role at Ungaro, "I always like to ask my friends when I buy stuff, or my sister Aliana who's with me in Paris. I'm doing the same thing here, giving my perspective." [Telegraph]
• Simon Cowell celebrated his 50th birthday last night by throwing a birthday party that reportedly cost 1.6 million dollars. [Radar]
• If you ever meet Kristen Stewart, you might want to avoid asking her about her role as Bella Swan: "I feel so boring because Twilight is literally how every conversation I have these days begins," she says. [People]
• Michael Bay posted a note on his website about the production of Transformers 3 that included a PS stating, "Megan Fox, welcome back." [Radar]
• "Oh, girl. People hated me for that. I didn't think it was a big deal until I realized I was the second most Googled person in the country. It was a brain fart! It was my second or third day on 'The View,' and I just got nervous. Barbara asked me if it was round or flat and I said, 'I don't know, I'm just trying to take care of my kid.'When the show was over Barbara came over and said 'Dear, the Earth is round,' and I said, 'Barbara, I know that!'"-Sherri Shepherd [LATimes]
• John Cleese is planning on paying for his divorce by starring in a one-man show appropriately titled the "How To Finance Your Divorce Tour." [Telegraph]
• Clive Owen makes an effort to balance his movie making schedule with his family life: "It's about making sure if I'm away for a long period doing a movie that I take some downtime. I do that now. I make sure I never do anything too close together so that I'm never away from the kids too much." [WashingtonPost]
• Alexsandra Wright, who is suing Beyonce's father, Matthew Knowles, claiming that he is the father of her child, had a role on an episode of Scrubs in 2001. [TMZ]
• When asked about her engagement to John Krasinski, Emily Blunt deadpanned: "All I can say is that there were flutes playing in the background, butterflies, there were angels showering us with rainbow drops." [MTV]
• "Drew had me in mind, I guess, for this role. She called me, and she's got a gift for enthusiasm when she's on fire about something. Then I read the script, and I was really excited. And then I got on some skates and had to do an audition because I lied - you know, like all good actors do, we lie - that I could skate."- Juliette Lewis on her role in Whip It! [EW]
• More details are coming out about the man accused of attempting to blackmail David Letterman; neighbors and colleagues say that Robert Halderman "must have snapped," as Halderman's actions seem completely out of character. "I am surprised, mystified and stunned to hear these allegations against Halderman," says Dan Rather, who worked with Halderman, "They are almost impossible to believe. He was always a solid character, steady, reliable, and a good, swift writer." [People]
• Joe Simpson says his daughter, Jessica Simpson is learning how to handle the criticism aimed at her body by working on her new show, "She's always scrutinized by the world and [it's great] to watch her go to other countries and see women talk about what is beautiful there. We were just in Uganda, and a beauty ambassador [there] knew Jessica's total story about her weight and blah, blah, blah. [She said] to Jessica that it's about who you are inside, which is the message of our show." [USWeekly]
• Jermaine Jackson says that the series of tribute concerts he's planned in honor of his brother, Michael, are not meant to make money off of Michael's death: "That is the most ridiculous thing ever. It is not about cashing in on what has happened. It is responsibility on all of our parts as brothers and sisters to keep his legacy alive." [ShowbizSpy]
• Olivia Newton-John says she still has her hot pants from the set of Grease: "I can still wear them," she says, "But they're locked away in a cupboard. I only bring them out for special occasions. My husband loves them." [TheSun]
• Blind Item #1: Which reality show star refused to put a house keeper on the books, worked her like a slave and paid her spottily in cash with no regard to her Social Secu rity or her husband, who was being treated for cancer? [PageSix]
• Blind Item #2: Which pouty actress was recently spotted acting like a complete lush? She "got drunk and then threw herself all over a clubowner," according to our spies. [PageSix]
• Blind Item #3: Which soon-to-be married heartthrob forced his wedding guests to sign confidentiality agreements before they got their wedding invitations? [PageSix]
• "My family keep me grounded. I still take the subway and do my own laundry. Well, not all of the time, but I'm not a bitch. I enjoy having a normal life."-Mischa Barton [Mirror]
• "I love that we managed an addition to the narrative of the show … There are some definite new elements to the story of these four people that are now part of the whole story … I thought this would be more of a stunt-type thing, but I feel like this is really part of the series now. I would call this a member in good standing with all the other episodes."-Jerry Seinfeld, on tonight's Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm. [EW]
• "I'm a disaster in the kitchen! You know what my secret is for preparing the perfect meal for friends when I invite them over? It's ordering from the best restaurants and having the food delivered."-Beyoncé [ShowbizSpy]

• Yesterday Jaime Pressly reportedly got so drunk at a gay bar in West Hollywood that she slumped down next to the building and urinated on the sidewalk in broad daylight.

• It sounds crazy, but she's definitely squatting over a puddle in the pictures at the link. There is also video of bystanders voicing shock and awe. [Perez Hilton]
• Update: She's denying everything. In her defense, the puddle looks more like water than urine. [Perez Hilton]
• A woman named Claire Elisabeth Fields Cruise has filed guardianship petitions for each of Michael Jackson's kids. She also claims she was married to MJ, engaged to Blanket's real father, and is the mother of one of Tom Cruise's kids. [TMZ]
• In this video she names Paris and Prince's fathers and claims she did not donate eggs or carry the children, but they were conceived in her body, then transferred to a surrogate. Also, she says Connor Cruise was Michael Jackson's son but they gave him away to Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman because MJ "did not want his own child because of the color of his skin." [TMZ]
• In the video at the link another woman named Billie Jean explains that she is Blanket's mom because there's a double negative in the song of the same name that prove the kid is her son... even though it was written 19 years before Blanket was born. [TMZ]
• When Mark Lester told the News of the World that he may be the father of Paris Jackson, he added that he's upset he hasn't seen the kids. Today Lester told TMZ there's "absolutely nothing malicious" about his intentions and it's "highly unlikely" he'll go to court to prove he's the father or get visitation rights. [TMZ]
• The L.A. County Coroner's Office has completed their autopsy on Michael Jackson, but it's on an indefinite security hold because the LAPD says it's release could make the investigation into his death more difficult. [TMZ]
• This Is It, a movie composed from 80 hours of rehearsal footage shot before Michael Jackson's London concerts, will be released in theaters on October 30. [USA Today]
• A global farewell tribute concert for Michael Jackson is scheduled to take place next month in Vienna. Members of the Jackson family and international stars possibly including U2, Madonna, and Whitney Houston will perform MJ's hits. Jermaine Jackson said Vienna was special for Michael because he "loved castles." [Associated Press]
• Jon Gosselin was supposed to an interview with E! in response to Kate Gosselin's interview this morning on Today, but either TLC or In Touch, which had a Jon "exclusive" last week called off the interview. [Radar Online]
• A private investigator has released a fax he claims is from Pat McDermott, Olivia Newton-John's missing ex, asking investigators to stop searching for him. [Radar Online]
• A group of Malawian performers are staging a musical parody at the Edinburgh Fringe about Madonna's adoption of Mercy James. The all-Malawian cast wear shirts that say "adopt me" and the male actor who plays Madonna uses son David Banda as a step to climb onto the stage. [The Daily Mail]
• Here are spoilers about Spike Jonze/Kanye West short film which will be released on iTunes on September 8th. Let's just say Kanye throwing up rose petals isn't the craziest part of the film. [ONTD]
• Lee Najjar, the real estate mogul recently exposed as RHOA's "Big Poppa" was on MTV recent in an episode of Teen Cribs. His kids and his wife are also in the episode. [TMZ]
• Like his ex Katie Price, Peter Andre is planning to write a book. He's signed a £1.5million deal to write a cookbook. [The Mirror]
• Both Anne Heche and Ashton Kutcher worked out and dieted to look good in their explicit new film Spread. Demi Moore helped out by hanging around for Ashton's sex scenes. "Demi was there a lot," said co-star Margarita Leveiva, " She was kind to me. She wasn't there to freak us out or anything. She was incredibly kind and generous and made me feel safe." [People]
• Mark Ballas hopes Paula Abdul doesn't join the cast of Dancing With The Stars. "I think we're good with our judges," said Ballas. "I think she should be on the show as a competitor." [E!]
• Hugh Hefner sold his "English Manor" next to the Playboy Mansion for $18 million, $10 million less than he asked for. His sons grew up there, but they've gone away to college. [Times Of London]
• Nadya Suleman will be featured in a two hour special on FOX, which will air footage culled from seven months of filming her octuplets in her home. [Entertainment Tonight]
• OMG: It's a Gossip Girl/Twilight crossover! Chace Crawford was photographed making out with Ashley Greene. [TMZ]
• Check out the new Gossip Girl promo here: [E!]
• At the link, learn all about British model/TV host/fashion icon Alexa Chung and why she hates olives. [Times]
• Chelsea Handler is patching more shows to E!. "I'm thinking maybe something along the lines of a Chelsea Lately ‘After the Show,' kind of like the Oprah thing," said Handler. She's already working on a standup special of comedians regularly featured on the show. [Media Week]
• Jeremy Piven said of his film The Goods, "it's a bit raunchy. Also, the language is racy. James Brolin said he wouldn't even tell his wife [Barbara Streisand] the kind of role he was shooting. But then we had a private screening, and Barbra Streisand laughed the loudest." [The Daily Express]
• Diane Kruger says she'd like to appear on boyfriend Joshua Jackson's show Fringe. I'd love to be a gooey monster," she says. "[A role] where my eyes are popped out of my head or something – that would be fun." [People]
• "I would love to have a wife and kids, but you can't magic them out of thin air. I've never been that 'seven-year relationship' kind of guy. [But I'm ready] for the big relationship. I guess I've got to settle down soon, but I'm nervous to say it out loud because it might not happen." — Gerard Butler, who turns 40 in November. [Daily Express]
• "Oh yeah, they write some pretty funny stuff for Roger Sterling. It's good, isn't it? Sometimes you feel like, man, I wish I was more in the thick of it … but then when I watch something, I always have to remember, you never think of it that way. It's not always the person who is on the screen the most; it's sometimes someone who comes in and makes an impression and sticks out... People assume all actors just wants their face on TV more. There have been things where I have had to convince people to cut me out of scenes. I have no interest in just standing there and looking like an idiot, or trying to act a really badly written scene. This material is so good you just want more and more of it." — John Slattery [N.Y. Observer]

• Victoria Beckham had her first day on the set of American Idol on Friday and a source says: "It didn't go well." Why ever not?

"She tried to hard to be 'nice,' but came off as icy and wooden," a source revealed. Plus: Contestants were disappointed not to see Paula on the panel. [Radar Online]

• Before she started judging, Victoria Beckham told Ryan Seacrest: "I'm going to try hard to pout and not shatter the illusion that I'm a moody cow, but I don't know if I can - I'm just so happy." [Daily Mail]
• Meanwhile, ABC has reached out to Paula Abdul about joining Dancing With The Stars. as a judge or a contestant. [Variety]
• Olivia Newton-John's former boyfriend, Patrick McDermott, presumed dead since 2005, is alive in Mexico and wishes to be left alone. He reportedly owes back child support to his ex-wife, which may be one of the reasons he disappeared. [Daily Mail]
• Behold: A picture of Real Housewives Kim Zolciak with her "Big Poppa." [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin will sit down for an interview with E!, and react to whatever Kate Gosselin says on the Today show today. So there's a Jon special on E! tonight — and tomorrow night, a full interview. [E!]
• Kate Major continues to attempt to be relevant. [E!]
• Jeremy Piven and Chris Kattan got into a screaming match backstage at MTV on Thursday: Kattan said "So, what are you here to promote, your Broadway play?" and Piven said Well, what are you here to promote? Mango?" Tempers flared. Doors slammed. Obscenities were yelled. Funny dudes can't take jokes? [Gatecrasher]
• Sparkle vamp Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were spotted at a Bobby Long concert in L.A. on Thursday night. Because their love is destiny, people! And what is a sparkle vamp without a ladylove? According to this report: "After the show, a cab spirited them off into the night." [ET]
• "Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart heat up with low-key date nights and hotel sleepovers." [NY Daily News]
• Pattinson had a low-key night out… not in a Manhattan hot spot. On Long Island. [Page Six]
• A man accused of sending death threats to Beyoncé and Jay-Z will have to undergo a mental evaluation, duh. [Daily Express]
• "America's other first couple: Beyoncé and Jay-Z are black America's second most famous couple: young, rich and with a direct line to the White House." [Times Of London]
• Is Guy Ritchie dating Iron Man actress Mellany Gandara? [Daily Express]
• Katherine Jackson's lawyer L. Londell McMillan says: "She's got her grandchildren, they're set. She's starting to rock and roll. She's getting her grandma swagger back. But she has been busy trying to make sure that these children will be provided for." [People]
• Mark Lester, who was in the 1968 film Oliver!, and is the godfather of Michael Jackson's kids, says he could be the biological father of Paris Jackson. This paper puts a picture of Paris side by side with a picture of Lester's daughter and survey says: Probably not. But does Paris have long ears like Arnold Klein? [Daily Mail]
• "Longtime Michael Jackson friend Mark Lester is not the father of Jackson's daughter, nor is he claiming paternity, despite a tabloid report indicating Lester says he's Paris Jackson's biological dad, sources tell People." [People]
• A source says that Michael Jackson was super excited about his upcoming tour. "He even said to me on several occasions, 'I am going to give everything I have. He even said, I'll die on the stage if I have to. It gives me the chills thinking about it now." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Michael Jackson's body was finally buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery in the Hollywood Hills. No ceremony, no fans. The exact location is a secret. [Mirror]
• Presented without comment: "A doctor has revealed how he prescribed Michael Jackson a 'chemical castration' drug to suppress his sexual urges towards under-age boys." [Mirror]
• ABC entertainment president Stephen McPherson on Katherine Heigl's latest anti-Grey's Anatomy tirade: "People will behave in a way they choose to behave. There are so many people who work unbelievably hard on Grey's… so I think it's really hard for them to hear [her complain about working a 17-hour day]." [EW]
• Jenna Fischer says: "I always see these tabloid reports about certain people being 'Spotted Without Their Wedding Ring!' like it's some big deal… [I don't wear my ring because I] would have to take it off and leave it in my trailer, which I would never do. They aren't that secure. Break-ins happen all the time. So if I go someplace after work I could be 'spotted' without my ring. It means nothing." [People]
• How did Ashlee Simpson lose her "baby weight"? Luck. "After I had Bronx I lucked out. I mean, I'm 24 years old. I have the genes from my mother and I did work out for three months." [The Sun]
• "A Night Out With Holly Madison" reveals that she calls a vodka and water "The Skinny Bitch," and later announces: "Chicken fingers are seriously, like, my favorite food." [NY Times]
• Kelsey Grammer says the cancellation of his TV series Back To You may have contributed to his heart attack in 2008. "When they examined my arteries, there was no blocked arteries. I had no cholesterol buildup. I had an event that they think was stress-related." [UPI]
• Madonna's boyfriend, model Jesus Luz, would like to be a DJ. [Page Six]
• Just a reminder: Vanessa Hudgens plays Sa5m in Bandslam, but the 5 is silent. Her character "is an emo girl who speaks slowly because of a stutter, resembles Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club and is ostensibly the female lead, Ms. Hudgens argues to the contrary." [NY Times]
• Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough: Broken up. They will "remain friends." [UPI]
• Tracy Morgan and his wife Sabina have been married for 23 years, but reportedly spent the last eight living apart. Morgan has decided to file for divorce, maybe because he took some cornbread behind a middle school and got it pregnant. [TMZ]
• Lady GaGa says she wore that Kermit coat as a statement: "I thought it was [a] commentary on not wearing fur, 'cause I hate fur and I don't wear fur." Naturally, now PETA would like for her to pose nude in an ad campaign. [TMZ]
• Cheech Marin married longtime girlfriend Natasha Rubin over the weekned. [People]
• If you do nothing else today, for the love of Kirk, read this William Shatner interview. It's crazyinsane. A snippet: So what is your relationship with Conan really like when the cameras are off? "It's great, he folds me into his arms and I come up to his belly button. So I suckle on his belly button and he holds me close." [Time]
• Just what your Monday morning needs: An anecdote about Mick Jagger's penis. [Page Six]
• Whatshisname says Whatshername is disgusting because she let her four-year-old son see her in bed with her new lover. [The Sun]
• "Because I'm pretty everybody thinks I'm stupid. But you don't have to play a victim. You have to show who you are to make the others come to discover you." — Monica Bellucci. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I don't sit there and think 'well I did Confessions of a Shopaholic and now I've got to go out and do Chekhov.' If the next one that comes along happens to be another romantic comedy and I find something in it that appeals to me then great. I operate on almost no system at all." — Hugh Dancy. [Independent]
• "I had a conversation with one of the scientists, and I was saying how I interviewed some [little] kids. I asked him what his opinion was, because I was like, 'Oh, it's really sweet, their idea of love is so pure.' And he was like, 'They don't really understand what love is because they haven't got their hormones and they haven't had sex and they haven't had that many relationships.' And I'm like, it doesn't mean that you can't experience love. Just the fact that you've been in one relationship doesn't devalue how you feel about someone. One of the couples in the film met when they were fourteen and their parents were like, 'That's puppy love.' They ended up being together for over fifty years. So I think people are biased against age." — Charlyne Yi. [Nerve]
• "She knew that I wanted to paint and make music. Eventually she said: ‘do it!' She encouraged me to go forward without fear . So it's all thanks to my wife, who knew that I had done a lot of acting over the years and suggested maybe it was time to start doing something else." — Anthony Hopkins, who has an exhibition of his paintings in Tuscany and also composes orchestral work. [Daily Express]
• Q. Does it feel odd to be putting young designers out in the world when the fashion world is in extreme crisis? A. "I think that everything is kind of in crisis. But what are you going to do? Is everyone going to stop working? I think the best will always succeed in any world. The people who are working hard, I think they will stay out there. In terms of fashion, maybe there are things that are more needed than other things — and the things that people cannot afford, maybe those things will go. But I don't think people should stop their dreams. A lot of our designers, people who have been on in the past, not everyone is self-employed. I think the only one who has become successful is Christian [Siriano] — on their own. I think the others are also successful, not as their own brand. Which I think is also success! They are working under good design houses. Or selling on HSN or Shopping Network." — Heidi Klum, on Project Runway. [LA Times]
• "I grew up on a red dirt road with a tree growing right in the middle of it. We didn't have much, but it never occurred to me that if you wanted to do something you couldn't do it. You can do anything if you try… I came here with a curling iron, two boxes of clothes and $200 in savings." — Nancy Grace. [USA Today]
• "I walk around and don't understand why more people are not smiling, enjoying the day, why they give me stink-eye. I guess being happy must not agree with them. I do not say I am always happy, but I do strive to be cheery." — Amy Adams. [Times Of London]
• "About 50 percent [of Paper Heart is fiction]. Everything with the interview subjects is real, but the plot with Michael Cera is fiction… But I honestly was kind of questioning the idea of love. I'd dropped out of college and I'd just been doing comedy, and I'm kind of like an old lady — when I was 10 I learned how to knit — so, most of my friends would go to clubs [to meet people], but I don't go to clubs or bars because I don't drink. So there was this fear of, how would I meet someone my own age? It's not that I doubted other people's love. It was just about my own concern of whether it could happen to me." — Charlyne Yi [WaPo]
• "You know when you first discovered a hamburger and then you can't live without it? That's what it's like for me with her" — Ashton Kutcher on his love for Demi Moore to Gotham magazine. [Page Six]
• "I'd rather staple my eyelids shut than watch Gwyneth cook." — Bethenny Frankel. [Gatecrasher]

The private detectives claim that they've been contacted by "representatives" on McDermott's behalf, who ask that the investigation cease, as McDermott does not wish to be found. It is suspected that McDermott faked his own death, for financial reasons. Newton-John, meanwhile, has moved on, marrying John Easterling just over one year ago. [DailyMail]

• Michael Jackson is supposed to share 50% of the profits from the Thriller video with director John Landis, but now he's suing because MJ hasn't paid in four years. As always, there's a weird twist.

• There doesn't seem to be anyone in charge of Jackson's finances except for a "mysterious Los Angeles physician" named Tohme Tohme. [Perez Hilton]
• Patrick McDermott, the former partner of Olivia Newton-John, disappeared almost four years ago, but now investigators say he is alive and on the run and has been traveling along the Mexican and South American coastline. Investigators believe he disappeared so he could avoid paying debts and enable his teenage son to collect a $150,000 life insurance payout. [News.com.au]
• Benicio Del Toro walked out of an interview with The Washington Times about his controversial new Che Guevara biopic. Del Toro was offended by a question about the film's portrayal of the Bolivian and Cuban revolutions. "I'm getting uncomfortable," said Del Toro. "I'm done. I'm done, I hope you write whatever you want. I don't give a damn." [Media Bistro]
• Ricky Gervais says that according to his mother, his middle name is spelled "Dene" on his birth certificate because his father was drunk when he filled it out. [The Daily Mail]
• Gervais also says that he's started writing a skit for Sesame Street that he will also star in. It probably won't focus on that charming family anecdote. [The Sun]
• Apparently Scarlett Johansson didn't get the hint when her album was a critical and commercial flop. She recorded a cover of the Jeff Buckley song "Last Goodbye" for the He's Just Not That Into You soundtrack, which you can listen to here. [Perez Hilton]
• Rosie O'Donnell's Maravel Arts Center, a Fame-like after school program for poor New York City kids interested in musical theater, opened yesterday. Rosie said at the event that she stopped blogging because it "wasn't providing the joy that it used to," but says she'll start posting again soon about Rosie's Broadway Kids "more to showcase things that I'm doing as opposed to my inner angst or thoughts." [People]
• Susan Sarandon will guest star on ER but only in an episode with fellow Oscar winner George Clooney. The episode will air toward the end of the season. [E!]
• K-Fed went to Britney's new house to pick up their sons, and stayed for a barbeque in the back yard after Jaime Spears invited him in. [People]
• Simon Cowell was cursed by a witch after he and the other judges voted her off Britain's Got Talent. It was bound to happen eventually. [The Mirror]
• Paris Hilton has launched a new reality TV show in the UK to finder her "British Best Friend" but she says she won't consider Amy Winehouse. Maybe Paris should spend a little less time rejecting potential BFFs and more time wondering why she can't make friends without the aid of a reality show. [The Star]
• Matt Damon narrates a show about environment for PBS called Journey to the Planet Earth and producers say he refused to read lines about rising Chinese soybean consumption leading to slash-and-burn farming in the Brazilian Amazon until they brought in scientists to confirm that it was true and they weren't just bashing China. [The Miami Herald]
• Jessica Alba defended herself on her blog, saying she's not stupid because she told a reporter "Be neutral about it, be Sweden!" Jess writes: "It's so sad to me that you think the only neutral country during WWII was Switzerland. Check out: [Wikipedia link] if you want to see what I was referring to. I appreciate the name calling and the accurate reporting. Keep it up!!” [E!]
• Dick Van Dyke says in a new interview that Walt Disney didn't hire him for Mary Poppins just because he was a talented singer and dancer. "[Disney] had heard me in an interview talking about what was happening to family entertainment," says Van Dyke. "I was decrying the fact that it seemed like no holds were barred anymore in entertainment. ... That's why he called me in, because I said something he agreed with." [CNN]
• Molly Ringwald is writing a book about living as a 40-year-old. Says Ringwald: "[The book is] not just about 40, but people who are of my generation, catching up and what that's like and how you have to reidentify yourself at that age in a culture that's pretty youth-driven. But it's fine actually! Leading up to 40 is much worse than being 40. The sort of tick-tock — everything just seems so much weirder and scarier than it actually is." [Media Bistro]

• Jennifer Lopez attended the Latino Inaugural Gala on Sunday and said of Barack Obama: "He is the biggest star here, even though it's chock-full of celebrities." Well, yeah. [People]

• Aretha Franklin warmed up for the inauguration with a Martin Luther King Jr. Day concert. She's gonna bring it today. [AP]
• Brad Pitt is psyched today! He says of Barack Obama's inauguration: "It's a new era for us - it reconfirms the original ideals of America. We're very excited about what the future holds. You see people look invigorated at home rather than the cynicism for the last 10 years." [Mirror]
• Ellen Burstyn says: "If you're only going to do one inauguration in your life, this is the one." [USA Today]
• Moby is in D.C. for the festivities, especially since he loves MoveOn.org. Apparently he DJ'd a party and the power went out, but then "hope" brought it back on, or something. [Politico]
• Isaiah Washington was one of the many, many celebs at the Huffington Post party. The place where you could see John Cusack hop a barricade to kiss Marisa Tomei. Washington got "star struck" by meeting Christiane Amanpour. [Politico]
• The Root Ball had Oprah, Samuel L. Jackson, Spike Lee and Chris Tucker, among others. David Gregory was seen dancing to Biz Markie. [WaPo]
• Ben Affleck is in D.C. where he says he'll "camp out" to get good seats. [MSNBC]
• Also in town: Ron Howard, Tom Hanks, Tina Brown, Sharon Stone. [WaPo]
• Want to know where the celebs will be tonight? There's a rundown of the balls and which stars are expected here. [Page Six]
• Serena Williams is at the Australian Open, but is following the Obama news on TV. "This is an amazing moment for American history. Even yesterday, the United States being Martin Luther King's birthday. To have his birthday and Obama's presidency fall so close to each other… This morning, I was watching on the TV before I went out to play. I looked at my arm, and I practically had chill bumps." [AP]
• Quincy Jones, Grammy Award-winning producer and composer, is now a newspaper columnist. [Reuters]
• Remember Vogue's tabloidy December issue with Jennifer Aniston on the cover, and the line, "What Angelina did was very uncool"? The mag sold an estimated 465,000 single copies of the issue, outselling the December 2007 issue by nearly 65,000 copies. Anna Wintour knows what people want. [WWD]
• Paris Hilton is at Sundance, though she seems to have no interest in movies. Her sister, Nicky has been avoiding her, and Paris has been ditching her MTV BFF Brittany Flickinger for Danity Kane singer Aubrey O'Day. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton swears her airhead image is just an act. "I'm a lot more serious and shy...and if I'm not out, having to be, you know, 'on', I'm at home just chilling and wearing sweat pants." Plus! She's totes an artist: "I have a room in my house where I paint. I've been offered an exhibition, which I might do next year." [The Sun]
• Maybe it's the Utah altitude? Paris was seen sucking face with MySpace CEO Chris DeWolfe at a Sundance party. [Gatecrasher]
• Lily Allen texted a nude picture to Ricky Wilson, the lead singer of the Kaiser Chiefs, by accident. A minute later Wilson got another text which read, "Sorry, wrong Ricky." Says Lily: "That was really embarrassing. I was completely topless." She claims she meant to send the snap to Rick Astley, yukyuk. [The Sun]
• In this video, Lily Allen talks about how she doesn't like how the world is so obsessed with celebrity culture, aesthetic beauty, money and consumerism. "And yet I'm a little pop star consumer," she muses. [Pop Dirt]
• Pete Doherty says of his buddy Amy Winehouse and her Caribbean vacation: "She had gone deeper and deeper into a black place. She needed a bright light. And that bright light turned out to be the sun." Profound! [ONTD]
• Meanwhile, Amy Winehouse has met a new fella in St. Lucia: A clean-cut tennis instructor. Love means zero! [The Sun]
• Amy's dad says: "Stories about my troubled daughter are selling newspapers and magazines. They don't want her to get better. But she is better. They didn't see her lying in bed for days in a dark room. She was close to death twice. We have been working a lot to get her to where she is right now." Liquored up in the Caribbean? Really? Guess it beats cracked out in Camdentown. Oh, and there's a documentary in the works, called Saving Amy. [Perez, People]
• SNL's Fred Armisen and Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss: It's on. The two were spotted canoodling. [Page Six]
• Hugh Laurie's Playboy interview touches on his house in Hollywood, depression, Facebook, his similarities to his character on House and the suicide pact he made when he was 15. [ONTD]
• Page Six has a bone to pick with Sean Penn. [Page Six]
• A one hour as-yet-untitled TV documentary about Spongebob Squarepants is in the works. That's right: Spongebob. [UPI]
• Meanwhile, Russell Simmons is working on Spongebob bling. [Gatecrasher]
• While filming the upcoming miniseries The Last Templar, Mira Sorvino broke five teeth trying to kiss Scott Foley on a speedboat. [Page Six]
• There's a hearing in the Roman Polanski case tomorrow, not that the director will be in the country. His lawyers are using information from the HBO documentary Wanted and Desired to try and get the case dismissed. [AP]
• Look for Kevin Kline, Paul Dano, Katie Holmes and John C. Reilly in The Extra Man, a comedy to begin filming in New York next month. [Variety]
• Aww, adorable pictures of Michael Stipe and his photographer boyfriend! [Perez]
• News you cannot use: Coolio has had crabs twice, and only once from a female. [The Sun]
• Jailed Boy George has been signing autographs for inmates who "demand" them. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which eccentric actor got his start in the biz by letting directors in where the sun don’t shine?" [Gatecrasher]
• James McAvoy hates overexposed Hollywood stars and thinks they're not thespians: "I just know so much about them. So how can I accept them in a role? There are just some people, they're not actors to me. They're chip paper. Just glossy paper. If I'm in a film, or a telly, or a play, then why should people come and see it? Because you know, they can just pick up some fucking rubbish magazine, and see me in that." [Daily Express]
• Olivia Newton-John says positive thinking helped her beat breast cancer: "I was terrified of chemotherapy, and nearly didn't have any. But my best friend Nancy reminded me that I had a little girl who needed me and that I had to take every chance I was given to beat the cancer. So rather than thinking about the toxins going through my body, I visualised a stream of pure gold. That night, instead of going to bed feeling lousy, I went to the cinema with Nancy." [Daily Mail]
• "I'm not so afraid of getting old, I'm more afraid of how I'll go. Fire and tight spaces don't appeal. A shark would be interesting." — Brad Pitt. [Reuters]
• "The one thing we have to offer, we are peddling joy with both hands. You come to our show and you will leave a happy camper. In a downturn, people need a few laughs. I know that sounds corny, and I can imagine some old-timer saying it. (But) I'm always happy to be uplifted when I go to a show. People look forward to it during the hard times. If they're looking forward to it, we got it." — Bette Midler on her Vegas stage show, The Showgirl Must Go On. [UPI]
• "[Antidepressants] are something I’ve tried that has helped. They’re probably good for my work because they help with confidence, and confidence is the prerequisite of all successful endeavors. But then again, as I said, I get suspicious if things start to feel too easy or comfortable, so that’s not a perfect solution either. Pharmaceuticals do raise the question of who we are as human beings. What are moods and feelings if we can change or even do away with them? Does that reduce the essence of who we are? Then again, I tend to overthink these things. I overthink everything, I think. But if your eyesight fails, it’s okay to wear glasses or contact lenses, is it not? If you feel cold, you put on a sweater. Is that changing the nature of who you are? No." — Hugh Laurie. [ONTD]
• "I didn’t go to acting school so I didn’t know that’s what I wanted to be. I came from a background of lawyers and academics and we just didn’t watch films in our household. I had no idea who Maggie Smith or Gary Oldman or any of these people were." — Emma Watson. [Daily Express]
• "I know the studio is gobsmacked by its success, and a lot of the critics have been surprised, but I wasn't. It was a no-brainer. I knew it would do well because it was aimed at an audience that has been neglected in recent years in film offerings - women. They are the last group anybody ever cares about." — Meryl Streep, on the commercial success of Mamma Mia, which has made almost $600 million worldwide. [Telegraph]

• Sad news: Ricardo Montalban, star of MGM musicals and TV's Fantasy Island, died today in L.A. at the age of 88. [NBC]

• Kelly Rutherford's estranged husband claims that working on Gossip Girl is "grueling" and is negatively impacting their 2-year-old son Hermes. Also, a judge in her divorce case denied her request to take Hermes to New York so she could return to work. If she takes too much time off, the show's producers may just kill off Lily van der Woodsen. [People, TMZ]
• Patrick Swayze says his pneumonia is improving. "I am alive and plan on continuing to stay that way," he says. [AP]
• Olivia Newton-John sent a note to an 18-year-old playing Danny in his high school's production of Grease good luck. [Star]
• Bono made a mistake in his first New York Times column on Sunday and the paper had to run a correction. [Editor and Publisher]
• Sean Penn once saved a drunk guy's life. The guy was passed out on the bathroom floor of a bar and Penn rushed over and called for help. Now the dude is angry that Penn didn't win a Golden Globe this weekend, but they don't give out awards for being a good person. [E!]
• Is Kate Moss engaged to her boyfriend, Jaime Hince of The Kills? She's been wearing a giant diamond ring on her wedding finger, but her rep says it's a just a Christmas gift and that's the only finger it fits on. [The Sun]
• Helen Mirren is coming soon to a theater (possibly) near you — live. Dame Helen is starring in an upcoming production of the play Phèdre, which will be beamed into movie theaters in England and around the world. [The Telegraph]
• Jessica Alba was holding her baby with one arm and nearly dropped her, so clearly she is a terrible mother. [TMZ]
• The Irish play MacBecks blends Shakespeare's Macbeth with the classic tale of David and Victoria Beckham. [BBC]
• Mickey Rourke previously hinted that he may have taken steroids to bulk up for The Wrestler, but now he denies it, saying he "did some stuff. You wouldn't classify it as steroids, but I did some heavy duty supplements…but not the regular stuff." Well, that clears things up. [Perez Hilton]
• In other Rourke news, after announcing his love for his dog at the Golden Globes, he has signed on with PETA for an ad urging people to "have the cojones to fix your dog." [ONTD]
• Caged wisdom: In this video, DMX is interviewed in prison and claims, "I didn't get in any trouble." [TMZ]
• In this video from last night's American Idol, Ryan Seacrest tries to high five a blind guy. [NY Magazine]
• The National Enquirer is bringing families together! When Regis Philbin read about his estranged son's money troubles in the tabloid, he immediately called up his son and reconciled. [Jossip]
• Jenny McCarthy would like you to know that when she and Jim Carrey are apart, she makes him perform sexy dances for her via iChat. [The Sun]
• Oh no! Lily Allen's half-sister says the singer was so distraught by her breakup with her first boyfriend that she tried to slit her wrists and spent a month in a rehab clinic. [Hollywood Rag]
• Duffy is the new face of Diet Coke, but her TV commercials will only air in Europe. [The Telegraph]
• Singer Kelis and her husband, rapper Nas, are expecting their first baby together. The "Milkshake" jokes have started already. [Perez Hilton]
• Whoopi Goldberg says she loves Elisabeth Hasselbeck and her newfound love for Obama. Surely Whoopi must know that by next Friday Elisabeth's love will have turned to poorly expressed white-hot hatred. [NY Magazine]
• Samuel L. Jackson is hinting that he may not be back for Iron Man 2 because of an "economic crisis in the Marvel Comics world," which is the nicest way to say they're not offering him enough money. [Daily Express]
• John Mayer is in talks to make a variety show for CBS. Do you think Jennifer Aniston will be a guest? [Extra]
• Charles Barkley has been removed from Tuner Sports indefinitely and dropped by T-Mobile in light of his recent drunk driving arrest. Could the BJ really be worth it? [Perez Hilton]
• Actor Patrick McGoohan, who appeared in The Prisoner, Columbo, and Braveheart, has died at the age of 80. [UPI]
• You can watch Beyonce's new video, Diva here. We're waiting for the Justin Timberlake version. [Perez Hilton]
• The Jonas Brother's Wikipedia page was hacked to say "The jonas brothers have genital warts." That probably shouldn't make us laugh, but it did. [Perez Hilton]
• "He's got a huge penis. When I lived at home, Alfie's room was opposite the main bathroom, and I would often be in the bath in the morning and it never had a lock on the door and Alfie would get up with his morning boner and come in for a wee while I was in the bath and I'd just be like: 'That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen!' I'd be like 'ALFIE! Stop it!' He'd even poo in front of me a couple of times, it's disgusting. He's got no respect, that Alfie. I'd never poo in front of my brother, never! Wee, yes definitely." — Lily Allen on her brother's penis. [Perez Hilton]

[Los Angeles, January 5. Image via INF]

• Amy Winehouse and Blake Formerly Incarcerated: Dunzo. He's left her for a German model; she's admitted that it was never going to last and that they were "only together for sex." Keep in mind that this report comes from a terribly disreputable paper. [News Of The World, Page Six]
• By the by, Blake Fielder-Civil's jail sentence appeal was refused by two judges. [The Sun]
• "Impeccable" sources say Guy Ritchie is banking $70 million of Madonna's money as part of the divorce settlement. That kind of cash will buy a lot of rounds at the pub! [Perez Hilton]
• Oy, Alex Rodriguez is a "Kabbalah school dropout." Madonna will not be happy about this. [MSNBC]
• That was quick: Michael Jackson has settled his court case in which be was being sued by a sheikh. [BBC News]
• Bloody hell. The Twilight sequel has been greenlit. [UPI]

• Brad and Angelina's family is just as cute and perfect in real life as they claim to be. [Page Six]
• OMG Barbara and Jenna Bush helped take Sasha and Malia Obama on a tour of the White House and all of the girls totally jumped on the beds! Says Laura Bush: "They're really tall beds; you need to get a running start." [People]
• Will Leona Lewis team up with Beyoncé and Jay-Z for Barack Obama's inauguration concert? [The Sun]
• Larry Rudolph, Britney Spears' longtime manager, discusses her documentary: "There just came a moment where she decided to get up, brush herself off and move forward. She had hit a low point in her life. She realized that and everybody else realized that. She wanted to get to a better place." Plus, there's A clip! [LA Times]
• Britney made an unexpected appearance in court Friday for a hearing on her ongoing conservatorship. [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Alba ate Nutella crepes at a downtown Manhattan restaurant, where the staff said the meal was "on the house," so she left a $200 tip. Classy. [Page Six]
• In this in-depth piece about Nicole Kidman, we learn that while Keith Urban is on tour and Nic rides around in the tour bus, "She likes to sneak away and go to people's garage sales. 'All I need is a hat, and I go,' she says. She bought little ceramic candle holders at one sale, she says, and embroidered Christmas stockings at another, 'when it wasn't anywhere near Christmastime. I love it.'" [Washington Post]
• Johnny Depp's movie took over a highway in Wisconsin; the detour traffic made a road collapse. Whoops! [AP]
• Ooh: Today is the day that Boy George is due to stand trial; he's accused of assaulting and falsely imprisoning a male escort. [The Star]
• How do people in the Bronx feel about the name Ashlee and Pete Wentz chose for their baby boy? Not impressed. [NY Times]
• "Bronx is beyond precious. I'm over the moon with joy," says Jessica Simpson. "Life is a beautiful miracle. Ashlee and Pete are healthy, happy and enjoying every moment." Cool, cool. Do people really say "over the moon"??? [UPI]
• Nicolette Sheridan, who ended her engagement to Michael Bolton about three months ago, was seen making out with "Hollywood Lothario" David Spade Friday night. Just let that image settle in. [Star]
• Even though Michael Phelps has professed his love for McDonald's, he has a deal promoting Subway. How did the sandwich chain land the deal? [AdAge]
• Illeana Douglas has a (laminated) message for the paparazzi, you should click and see. [DListed]
• Pleasure principle: Janet Jackson is going to take a break from music to focus on having a baby with her boyfriend Jermane Dupri. [Daily Express]
• The economy takes no prisoners: The Tyra Banks Show is moving to the CW's afternoon block after being in syndication for four seasons. Stations have been making budget cuts, so Tyra's production schedule will be cut to 26 weeks from 34. [Reuters]
• Natasha McElhone says her mission now, besides acting and providing for her family, is to complete some of the work her late husband, a doctor, began: "to finish his life, to finish his unfinished business." [LA Times]
• In this interview with Stephen Colbert, he discusses meeting Eleanor Holmes Norton (the District's delegate in Congress): "I felt so dirty. I felt like a piece of meat. I find being a piece of meat very exciting. In my last life, I think I was a veal cutlet." [Washington Post]
• Paris Hilton has been "constantly texting" Benji Madden and trying to show up at clubs where he is supposed to be. [Mirror]
• You can buy a silk couch owned by Jenna Jameson on eBay if you have $9,500 to spare. It's pearl gray. [DListed]
• Even though the economy is in the crapper, there's stuff celebrities won't give up: Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss needs her coffee; Jessica Biel must travel first class; Hilary Swank gets facials; supermodel/ANTM judge Twiggy must have pink Champagne, and much more [WWD]
• Dora The Explorer is getting a new voice: Will kids notice? [Page Six]
• Blind items: 1. Which ex-couple — an actor and a model — still share some aspects of their sex life? Both are known to sleep with a famous Lower East Side topless dancer who has a reputation of never going home alone. 2. Which TV host has such good rapport with his fetching female co-host that his wife has correctly guessed they're having an affair? [Page Six]
• No Doubt: On tour, summer 2009. [People]
• Ben Stiller and Chris Rock: "Israel is better than Hollywood." [AP]
• Dita Von Teese is suing Macmillan Publishers, which printed Patti O'Shea's In Twilight's Shadow, a paranormal romance novel about demon hunting. For some reason, Dita's face is on the cover. She certainly did not give permission. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Now that the Daily Mail has apologized to David Duchovny for printing a story about him having an affair with his tennis instructor, Duchovny's dropped his $1 million lawsuit. [E!]
• Travis Barker is suing the owner and makers of the "defective" Learject that crashed September 19, killing four and leaving him and DJ AM with severe burns. [Yahoo News via E!]
• So you know how Michael Lohan — Lindsay's dad — was going to box for charity? The parole board has stepped in, saying the boxing match can't happen because he spent 20 months in prison for attempted assault. Whoops! [Yahoo News]
• Will the Golden Globes not happen again this year? Last year is was a writers' strike; this year a Screen Actors Guild strike could cancel the event. [Fox News]
• Hollywood veterans and experts from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology are spending $25 million on a lab called The Centre for Future Storytelling. Matt Damon is involved. [Times Of London]
• Lily Allen sought therapy after her miscarriage: "I was in a very, very dark place after the whole thing happened. That was the toughest thing I've had to go through in my life. [Therapy] is really, really helping me. I feel it's getting better and everything's going to be OK." [Mirror]
• Crazy stuff in this Q&A with Quincy Jones: His dad worked as a carpenter for the black mob, and in 1974 Q had two brain aneurysms. Oh, and Q talks about Frank Sinatra: "[He] was one of those guys where he liked you or he didn't. I got to know the Frank that nobody wrote about, the guy who visited Billie Holiday in the hospital to make sure her bills were paid and who took care of Amos and Andy when they were down on their luck. He was a stand-up guy who didn't see color, and that was rare back then." [Newsweek]
• Padma Lakshmi went to see the Foo Fighters and Dave Grohl dragged her on stage; she ended up playing tambourine with the band and getting hit on by Taylor Hawkins. [Page Six]
• Meg Ryan's Bel-Air house is for sale, if you have $19.5 million to spare. You get 6,877 square feet, a pool, spa, and guest house. [TMZ]
• Cedric the Entertainer may not be the obvious first choice for a Broadway drama, but he's getting good buzz for being in the David Mamet play American Buffalo. [NY Times]
• Cops are looking for a "Casanova conman" who claims links to Heath Ledger, Robert De Niro and Keith Urban and has left broken hearts and empty wallets across Australia. [News.com.au]
• Wow. A Keith Richards easy listening album. With a jazz version of "Over The Rainbow. Wow. [Telegraph]
• A doozy of a headline: "Camilla Admits To 'Letting Herself Go' Since She Married Charles... And Vows To Take Up Tai Chi As A New Year's Resolution." Lulz. [Daily Mail]
  
• Warren Beatty is suing over the rights to comic strip detective Dick Tracy. Apparently he's working on a Dick Tracy TV special? Who knew? [Reuters]
• Paul Newman's will was made public and he left his personal property, including real estate, to his wife, Joanne Woodward. His Oscars and other awards went to the Newman's Own Foundation; his airplane and race cars will be sold, with proceeds going to his estate. [AP]
• A Smashing Pumpkins show has been postponed; Billy Corgan's sick! [UPI]
• Billy Zane's parents closed down the Chicago med school they owned, leaving some students in the lurch. [UPI]
• Enya: Might tour for the first time ever. [Reuters]
• Oh, good (oh God?): The Vatican's newspaper has finally forgiven John Lennon for declaring that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ. Plus, The paper says the Beatles made music that is better than "standardized, stereotypical" songs being produced today. [Reuters, AP]
• Speaking of the Beatles, Paul McCartney says his conflict with John Lennon was over before the singer was shot. [UPI]
• investigators say Olivia Newton-John's missing boyfriend probably drowned while on a fishing trip. [News.com.au]
• A man who waved Samurai swords at a Hollywood Scientology building had a "previous relationship" to the church; he was shot and killed by a security guard. [AP]
• Rocker Bryan Ferry is dating his son's ex-girlfriend. The Roxy Music star is 63; the lady in question is 27 and his son is 22. A "pal" says the lady had fling with the son about 5 years ago. Yuck. [The Sun]
• Jodie Sweetin has filed for legal separation from her husband but is "trying to stay positive for Zoie," their 7-month-old daughter. [People]
• Why is a letter Princess Diana wrote to her royal footman on her honeymoon up for sale? And how sad is it that she mentions how "terribly lonely" she is? [Daily Mail]
• Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster are trying for a baby. Yeah, he's 63, so what? [Mirror]
• "Ever since her Oscar nomination, Sophie Okonedo has been offered plenty of 'mini-skirted girlfriend' parts. But she'd much rather stay home and do nothing." [Telegraph]
• Blackadder: a Christmas comeback. [The Star]
• A New York rabbi paid $2500 at an auction to go out with ice skating queen Oksana Baiul. He says: "Well, I'm single, it's for charity, and she seems like a nice Jewish girl. I guess I'm the luckiest guy in my congregation." [Page Six]
• "My son would have been at that rally in Chicago when the first African- American president was elected, and I'm sure he would have gone up onstage and grabbed the microphone as only he could." — Ol' Dirty Bastard's mom. [Page Six]
• "I got drunk and lied to him. I said 'I've lost my keys and I can't wake my mum. Can I stay on your sofa?' He went to brush his teeth. I took my clothes off and jumped in his bed. It's the only way I can ever get together with people." — Lily Allen on her seduction technique. [Mirror]
• "I laugh when people say we don't get on. Of course we row. But we are best friends as well as partners. I don't think we'd know what to do without each other." — Kate "Jordan" Price on her relationship with her husband, Peter Andre. [The Sun]
• "Axl's a friend, and I don't want to compromise that. But as for 'fun' crazy: He wrote his (half) brother, Stuart, a $25,000 check every day to throw these lavish theme parties. It was like, we're in Indianapolis, so there were Formula One cars everywhere, with all the girls dressed up in pit-crew uniforms. It was decadence at the highest level I'd ever seen, a Caligula kind of outlandishness. There were orgies, sure. Was I involved? Yes. Well, I was in the same room — we'll leave it at that." — Lars Ulrich on being on tour with Axl Rose and Guns N Roses back in the day. [Perez Hilton]
• "Something else comes out of you when you become a parent and, as you get older, you start to see more character in your face. Now, when I look at myself, I just see somebody at peace, and I see a mom, and I see my own relatives in my face – and that’s a kind of beauty that exists for everybody and doesn’t disappear." — Angelina Jolie. [Daily Mail]

• Photographs of Angelina Jolie's (now) unborn babies could be worth a whopping $10 million. An editor who remains anonymous actually says: "It's at the point now where some stars might decide to have more kids just to collect the money from their photos." Hahahahahaha. No. [Page Six]
  
• By the by, People's issue with La Lopez twins sold between 2 and 3 million copies; Nicole Richie's cover sold 1.8 million; Christina Aguilera's sold 1.3 million. [ONTD]
  
• Russell Simmons and wife Kimora have filed for divorce — again. He filed in March 2006, but the proceedings never um, proceeded. In any case, since they have such intertwined careers and businesses, this should be interesting. [TMZ]
  
• They secretly went out two years ago, and now Matthew Perry has rekindled his relationship with Mean Girls actress Lizzy Caplan (she played Janis Ian). She's 13 years younger than he is and it's a "friends with benefits" type thing. [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
  
• Tina Fey wants Ashley Dupre, aka Kristen, to be on 30 Rock. A skit involving Jack? Or Kenneth? [Page Six]
  
• Here's video of Ashley Dupre telling a Girls Gone Wild cameraman that she is over 18 and her name is Amber Arpalo. [TMZ]

• A jeweler says Jamie Lynn Spears' engagement ring is "very 1980s, with a yellow gold band." Aw, give the kid a break, she's 16! [E!]
• Ready, set, go: Patrick Dempsey will make an appearance Saturday at Gainsco Grand Prix of Miami at Homestead-Miami Speedway. [Miami Herald]
• Lily Allen introduced a clip on a BBC3 program: "It's my favourite. It's kegging, pulling someone's trousers down in public. Childish but very funny." Since the video showed a student pulling down a teacher's pants, the schoolboard people and Association of Teachers and so on are all apoplectic. [Mirror]
• The Diddy/Tupac kerfluffle that surfaced last week was an elaborate hoax cooked up by an "overweight white kid from Florida." LOL. [Page Six]
• The L.A. Times has apologized for using the forged documents in a story implicating Diddy in the Tupac assault. Their bad! [Yahoo News]
• Tommy Lee received a tattoo on a flight to Miami, helping the tattoo artist set a Guinness World Record. Uh, ink+needle+turbulence=disaster! [Page Six]
• There is a load of fake Heath Ledger memorabilia on the market, buyer beware. [News.com.au]
• Richie Sambora could face charges of child endangerment after being busted on a DUI charge Tuesday with his 10-year-old daughter Ava in the car. Cops say the vehicle was "weaving within lanes" before it was stopped and that Sambora had alcohol on his breath and failed all the field sobriety tests. [Rush & Molloy]
• One day after Dita Von Teese sued an adult-oriented trade show, claiming they owed her $50,000, they have paid up. Justice! [TMZ]
• An inquest has begun into the death of Corinne Bailey Rae's husband, who died Saturday of an apparent drug overdose. Jason Rae, 31, was a Scottish-born sax player whom Corinne (now 29) met in a jazz club where she worked as a coat-check girl. They got married in 2001. [People]
• David Beckham played a historic soccer, ahem, football match last night: He represented the England national team for the 100th time, becoming only the 5th player to ever reach the triple figure. Score! [People]
• Boxing champ and Dancing With The Stars alum Laila Ali is preggers! Her hubs is former NFL star Curtis Conway; he has three kids already but this is her first. Congrats! [People]
• Olivia Newton-John will walk the Great Wall of China for 21 days, in an effort to raise funds for cancer research. Good luck! [E!]
• Jessica Lange denies she had plastic surgery, despite a report in the National Enquirer. Well, now we need to see pictures. [Star Tribune]
• Artist Jeff Koons is being sued for overdue child support; he's failed to pay about $2.3 million, according to his ex-wife, La Cicciolina, an Italian porn star. [Reuters]
• Brooke Shields is having surgery on her foot — an old dance injury. Ow. [Page Six]
• How do we feel about Josh Brolin playing George W. Bush in the biopic directed by Oliver Stone? [Rush & Molloy]

• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden were seen partying Grammy weekend, so some random source says, "It's almost as if they aren't parents." Kind of a cheap shot. But yeah, the nanny is apparently working overtime. Mom and dad need to party! [Page Six]
  
• Guess who was on the set when Lindsay Lohan posed nude for Bert Stern's Marilyn Monroe-inspired New York magazine shoot? Not momager Dina, but 14-year-old little sis, Ali. Picking up tips on how to behave? [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Dad Jamie tells Britney's new bodyguards not to let her go to a bar or bathroom alone. Also, when she left a restaurant Saturday, she took a cup of coffee with her. [Page Six]
  
• Britney's ongoing custody case reconvenes in court today. First order of business: Who will rep Brit? The firm of Trope and Trope bailed. [E!]
  
• If you find Bindi Irwin vaguely terrifying, wait until you see her doll. [TMZ]

• Meanwhile, Robert Irwin, 4-year-old son of Steve, was bitten by a baby boa constrictor. "He said, 'I hope it wasn't venomous,'" his mom claims. (It wasn't.) [AP]
• Blind item! "The sobriety of which troubled starlet probably isn't being helped by the fact that her uncle deals weed out of the spare room in her mom's house?" [Gatecrasher]
• Jessica Simpson appears in a workout video, but she doesn't want you to see it! Even though she signed a multimillion dollar contract, she changed her mind and refused to give final approval. Speedfit is suing Jess and her dadager. Hey, it can't be any worse than Blonde Ambition. [Page Six]
• Do Michael Bolton's kids hate his fiancée Nicolette Sheridan? Do you care? [Rush & Molloy]
• Desperate Housewives' Marcia Cross's pregnancy: Life-threatening! "My eyesight started going, and I gained 12 pounds in one week," she says. "Both are symptoms of preeclampsia, a complication that is life-threatening for mother and baby. Within 12 hours of being diagnosed - at 35 weeks - I had a C-section." She now has twins, Eden and Savannah. [Rush & Molly]
• The new season of Dancing With The Stars will feature tennis star Moncia Seles, actress Shannon Elizabeth, magician Penn Jillette, actress Marlee Matlin and TV "personality" Adam Carolla, among others. Click for the full list! [People]
• Spencer Pratt on Heidi Montang's new album: "Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming - they're gonna sell 10-million plus." LOL. [People]
• Scarlett Johansson: "I learned I was a sexual being through David Bowie's songs." Thanks for sharing! [Mirror]
• Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson spent Valentine's evening together? Drinking at a pub? Harry + Hermione = ♥! [Mirror]
• There's a Bon Jovi documentary in the works, people. Who wants to bet it will be called Livin' On A Prayer? [UPI]
• "I feel at great pain when the spotlight is on the death of 4,000 American soldiers, while 600,000 Iraqi deaths are ignored. War is not a movie, it is a tragedy of dead bodies, victims, the disabled, orphans, widows and the displaced." — Sharon Stone. [AP]
• The driver of The Spice Girls' tour bus saw a car driving erratically. He called 911; it turned out to be a carjacking. The Spice Girls (and their driver) save the day! [AP]
• Oh! And The Spice Girls want to play Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday in June. Not that they've been asked. Yet. [Reuters]
• Brooke Shields' mother tells the National Enquirer that she's disappointed in Brooke and liked ex-husband Andre Agassi better than current hubs Chris Henchy. Sigh. [MSNBC]
• Pictures of Jennifer Lopez' twins will be on People in the US, but OK! internationally. [MSNBC]
• Monopoly, kitchen edition! Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia will acquire Emeril Lagasse's media and licensed properties. [Wall Street Journal]
• Mandy Moore's always been afraid of going on vacation alone. But she did it and had a great time, so is now the chair of uPumpItUp.com, a site aimed at helping women balance their "wellness." [Reuters]
• Olivia Newton-John is planning to walk along the Great Wall of China to raise money for a cancer charity. Does part of you wish she would do the walk in tight shiny black pants while singing, "You better shape up/cuz I need a man/And my heart is set on you..." ? [Reuters]

The Good:

Bindi Irwin is my favorite floral dress-wearing grade school white girl rapper.

Yvonne Strahovski looks luscious in long, flowing red.

While Emma Lung looks crisp and modern in red on the short.


The Bad:

But Melissa George is red all wrong.

I love the color of Calista Flockhart's gown, but her hair makes her look like she just rolled out of bed and the silver pointy shoe is much too heavy for the dress.


The Ugly:

Kylie Minogue has been consumed by an eggplant (or an aubergine, as they'd say south of the equator).

And Kym Wilson appears to be the victim of an unfortunate experiment in tie-dyeing.

[All photos via Bauer-Griffin]

NY Times:

Can a musical be simultaneously indefensible and irresistible? Why, yes it can....Why, you may wonder, would anyone deem it necessary, or even worthwhile, to pay lavish mock homage to a dreadful movie by exhuming it for exhibition onstage? Has Broadway nothing better to do? Has the American musical theater reached such a nadir of inspiration? Well, yeah. I guess. Whatever. Why pester me with silly questions when there's so much silly bliss to be had at the Helen Hayes Theater, where the new, improved "Xanadu" opened last night....The show's winking attitude toward its own aesthetic abjectness can be summed up thus: If you can't beat 'em, slap on some roller skates and join 'em.

Huzzah, as the muses from Mount Olympus apparently like to say. [Xanadu]...is a grand little piece of smart dumb fun....Kerry Butler brings a devilish edge to the romantic absurdities of Kira, the nymph in '80s leg warmers who attempts Newton-John's Australian accent, when she feels like it...[and] Jackie Hoffman and Mary Testa, two of the theater's prime scenery-stealing comics, are let loose to do their best damage as weird-sister sirens - think Cinderella's evil stepsisters in goddess polyester (wittily ridiculous costumes by David Zinn) singing "Evil Woman."

"The theater? They'll just take some stinkeroo movie ... throw it on a stage, and call it a show." I wish I could take credit for that astute bit of analysis when it comes to "Xanadu," the new Broadway musical adaptation of the cult favorite 1980 stinkeroo film, but it comes directly from the show itself....Unfortunately, such self-consciousness is not likely to increase your enjoyment of this slipshod enterprise, which belongs more in a fringe festival than on Broadway. Despite running a mere 90 minutes, it quickly proves wearisome in its one-note camp attitude.

A Broadway musical based on a rotten movie that's heavy on the cheese, Xanadu comments on the lack of inspiration in the theater world while threatening to become part of the problem, but it rises above all that with goofy self-mockery. Described by some as the world's longest Easter Bonnet Competition sketch, the show has some flat spots and desperate jokes, but it's generally grin-out-loud and even hilarious, with funny anachronisms, campy blurtings ("She's a demigod, bonehead!"), and looney assertions ("Kira is Tangerine—and they're both Clio.")

If you need a cure for the summertime blues or just like the idea of being in stitches for an hour and a half, "Xanadu," now at the Helen Hayes Theatre, will (Xana)do the trick. Kerry Butler...is simply out of this world as Kira. She has gorgeous pipes, great comic flair and puts on a fab faux Aussie accent that could make dingoes howl for more....In this story of a muse, the moment is eye and ear candy that's delightfully inspired.

Ms. Butler's near-perfect...approximation of her predecessor [Olivia Newton-John] is viciously adept: She somehow stuffs every single vowel into the word "go," thins out her redoubtable voice to replicate Ms. Newton-John's watery upper register, and conveys a singular unease whenever on her ubiquitous roller skates. Both in on the joke and completely in tune with Kira's burgeoning humanity, Ms. Butler pushes past the leg warmers and wooden dance moves to unveil a real character.

This is the best Broadway musical to feature roller-skating since Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Starlight Express" - but as it is also the only musical to feature roller-skating since "Starlight Express," that's no great commendation.... If you are of a certain age, you will remember that you had forgotten [the ELO music] and prepare to forget it again. That, I suppose, is the only goodish news of an absolutely ghastly show.

If you've never seen Xanadu the movie, here's the story in a nutshell: Loser Venice Beach chalk artist named Sonny creates street mural of Greek muses. They come to life. The main muse, Clio, (played by Olivia-Newton John), sets out to inspire the poor schlub Sonny to greatness. And along the way they fall in love and sing and do roller-disco. Naturally! Well, not so much: The reason that Xanadu is remembered as one of the biggest flops of all time was that, uh, no one seemed to tell any of the people involved that it that the conceit was a totally absurd one. Thankfully, those behind the musical version got it. And then some. The pups involved in this production camp it out like it's nobody's business. Kerry Butler (who plays Clio/Kira, the identity she assumes in "human" form while musing it up in leg warmers) does a dead-on Olivia impersonation, dragging out her put-on Australian accent somewhat shamelessly. Stealing the show, though, is Mary Testa as Clio's evil sister who, naturally, sings the ELO 80's classic "Evil Woman," one of the show's stand-out numbers, despite the fact that it wasn't in the original movie. As for the dialogue and the music, well, the revised script is snappier and more self-aware (thankfully) than the movie's was, filled with all sorts of anachronistic slang that moves the 90-minute show along with snap. And the score! It's exactly as we remember it — only better, because the actors performing it look alternately absurdly serious and moments away from peeing in their pants laughing. Exactly as they should be. At the end of the day, Xanadu: The Musical succeeds because it laughs at itself, and laughs hard. Plus, it has rollerskates.

Xanadu on Broadway