Jezebel: oldies but goodies

Remember The Time

Sadie — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:40:00 EST

Insert "Lindsay" or "Britney" joke here. [Vintage_Ads]

Douchetastic

Sadie — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:20:00 EST

Via DoubleX, a slideshow of the euphemism-laden, blue-fluid-soaked history of marketing to...down there. [DoubleX]

Wearing A Nice Suit Makes You King Herod Or Somthing

Dodai — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:20:00 EST

Are these women about to do the dance of the seven veils? By the by: that "vixen under the veil" fetish? It's been going on a long time. [Vintage Ads]

"If You Want To Be Popular, You Can't Afford To Be Skinny."

hortense — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 12:40:00 EST

In this vintage ad, actress Linda Peck raves about "Wate-On," a weight-gain product that she "and so many other Hollywood actresses depend on...to help keep shapes shapely." It's pretty fascinating when you compare it to today's celebrity endorsements. [Vintage Ads]

In 1963, Vodka Was Neutral On Oranges, Totally Anti-Pants

hortense — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 11:30:00 EST

"In the war of oranges," this vintage ad claims, "Smirnoff is neutral." I don't think they can say the same about their stance on the War of Pants vs. No Pants. Click to enlarge. [VintageAds]

Vintage Ads, Courtesy Of Sterling Cooper

LatoyaPeterson — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:40:00 EST

In this edition, Bert Cooper insists Pete Campbell's next ad campaign sends the ~~white~~ right message to clients. [Vintage Ads]

Wait, Why Is "Witch" In Sneer Quotes?

Sadie — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 12:30:00 EST

"Step by step you begin to release the Ancient Mysteries known only to Sages and Magi...mysteries which have their origins in the Great White Brotherhood, the Essenes and the Therapurae." Oh, and East 45th Street. [Vintage_Ads]

"Watch Out, Mother!"

hortense — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 13:00:00 EST

This vintage Band-Aid ad warns a pumpkin-carving mother that "if that knife slips, the goblins may not get you, but germs might!" Uh, she's carving a pumpkin on her lap. If goblins don't get her, the ambulance might. Yikes! [VintageAds]

Laundry Fetishists Rejoice: Tide Has "What You Want"

Anna N. — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:30:00 EDT

Apparently "Tide's a sudsing whizz even in hardest water." It's enough to make you want to embrace your box of Tide so tightly that little hearts squirt right out of it. If you're into that kind of thing. [Vintage Ads]

"1950s Remedies For Abnormal And Normal Men And Women"

Anna N. — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:45:00 EDT

"Don't be old-fashioned," says this sex manual from the oh-so-enlightened 1950s. Topics include "first bridal sex act" (hottt) and "sensation parts of woman" — but why is the very first one on the list "blood relation marriage?" [Vintage Ads]

"For Complete Feminine Hygiene, Rely On Lysol"

hortense — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 12:40:00 EDT

This is the second Lysol-as-recommended-douche-product ad that we've seen, but it doesn't make it any less horrifying. Here, a woman's marriage to "Dave" is in trouble, due to her lack of Lysol-douching. Dump him, lady! Click to enlarge. [Vintage Ads]

"It Is Not Uncommon For One Or Both Parties To Experience Guilt Or Revulsion."

Sadie — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:45:00 EDT

That's during marital intimacy. Oh, and the fun doesn't stop there! We haven't even started on the "social class differences" you should be aware of When You Marry. [Contexts]

"A Truly Amazing New Television Development!"

hortense — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 12:50:00 EDT

If you've never thought of your remote control as a kickass laser beam from the future, after reading this vintage ad for the Zenith remote with "Flashmatic Tuning," perhaps you will. Click to enlarge. [Vintage Ads]

The Homely Woman Scrap Book Is Way Harsh, Tai

hortense — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 14:00:00 EDT

This vintage ad invites the "plainer sisterhood" to deal with their "crooked teeth," "ugly ears," "pimples, moles, freckles," and "poor skin" via various makeup tips. It's basically an incredibly harsh Allure. Click to enlarge. [VintageAds]

Model Warns Customers With Her Eyes

hortense — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 11:45:00 EDT

This ad for Comforlon polyester promises a fabric that's both "comfortable and beautiful." The model wearing a slip made out of said fabric, however, clearly disagrees, wearing a "Bish Plz" face if ever there was one. Click to enlarge. [VintageAds]

The "Add-Vantage" Bra Makes Your Creepy Neighbor's Dreams Come True

hortense — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 13:30:00 EDT

This ad for the Lovable "Add-Vantage" bra promises to "turn small figures into eye-catchers," and celebrates the fact that wearing said bra will cause the creepy men who live across from your apartment to spy on you. "Tha-a-a-t's Lovable!" [VintageAds]

"How A Boner Helped Me Earn $15,000"

hortense — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 11:30:00 EDT

"For the first time in my life, I began to understand why some men get ahead while others stay behind." And for the 8 millionth time in my life, I giggled inappropriately at certain words. Click to enlarge. [VintageAds]

"Easy To Care For… Need No Ironing"

Dodai — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 19:20:00 EDT

Thank goodness we live in an era when underwear does not require ironing. And thank goodness panty ads no longer use the word "clammy." [Vintage Ads]

This Was Acceptable In The '90s

Margaret — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:20:00 EDT

Sometimes it's important to stop and reflect on the things we've overcome as a nation. For example, the video at left, a relic from a time when it was acceptable for adults to sit around discussing Beanie Babies. [Videogum]

Remember When Getting Sexy With A Computer Was A New Concept?

Dodai — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 18:30:00 EDT

Or when women wore teddies to bed? Or when you could put a TV on top of a typewriter and pretend it was a computer? [Vintage Ads]