Jezebel
clips
Posts Tagged “
oldies but goodies
”
Padded Prose
It's hard to decide which is better: the oceans of blue liquid we are confronted with nowadays or the David Foster Wallace novel that is this Kotex ad from 1947. "Discreet" does not begin to describe it; the sanitary napkins are concealed within layers of teen-friendly prose, topics ranging from how to accept a compliment, to staying "bell-hop trim" to what to do if you're "higher than your squire." Not surprisingly, all the advice incorporates Kotex, but in such artful and subtle terms that one could be forgiven for mistaking the advert for a teen etiquette PSA. Not that we imagine anyone wanted to dwell on the reality of the bulky-sounding "adjustable Kotex Wonderform Belt" for too long. [Vintage Ads]
Oldies But Goodies
Anyone who's ever worked in retail can appreciate the genius of this 1934 "lipstick guard", designed by film studios to protect pricey costumes from the ravages of makeup stains. (One assumes removing or reapplying makeup was completely out of the question.) As you can see, it's seriously creepy-looking, somewhere between a butterfly band aid and a fortune cookie, and the ad also gives the impression that her speech is being suppressed or something. Which would have been a totally valid observation in some of our Freshman seminars. [Modern Mechanix]
clips
Oldies But Goodies
Click to enlarge this 1965 cosmetics ad which begins, "If Eve had worn Aziza, she wouldn't have needed an apple." Because seriously, if you're pretty there's no need to be smart. Duh. [Vintage Ads]
Oldies But Goodies
In the era of the Vietnam War, boys didn't need too much motivation to not want to go to war; not getting killed seemed like a good enough reason! However, The Draft Resistance decided to give young men even more reason to not want to fulfill their draft duties by dangling a bunch of super hot, leggy hippie chicks in fashionable hats in front of them and saying, basically, "these girls will have sex with you if you avoid the draft." Sex sells, of course, but is using hot girls to sell the idea of avoiding war hippie sexism or just a cheeky way to promote a good cause? (Click the picture to see the full poster) [Vintage Ads]
news roundup
Sometimes I Wonder How Those Oil Companies Keep From Going Under…
- The Grandmaster Flash memoir is out, and I know a big plot point is how he beat cocaine, but fuck if the guy doesn't sound as endearingly hyperactive as he did rapping about stagflation three decades ago or whatever. Apparently he's a hero in Burma? [Newsweek]
- All this time I've been calling Barack Obama a Muslim and it turns out he's actually a Hindu who worships some golden monkey god? [Times of India]
- Senator Chris Dodd moved his entire family to Iowa all to win one percent of the vote and I am not happy to report his powerful speech in opposition to retroactively granting big telecom firms the right to spy on people will no doubt prove equally in vain. [Wash Post]
- The Supreme Court decided to let Exxon off the hook on some of these pumped up oil spill fines. I mean, we can't very well expect those guys to scrounge up the money to find new sources of oil if we force them to pay putative damages for every little thing they do wrong, can we? You decide. [NYT]
Oldies But Goodies
Do yourself a favor and click to enlarge this vintage Lane Bryant ad. Where else do you think "charming Chubby-sized clothes" come from? Teens over a size 10, yes TEN, can find 10 ½, 12 ½, 14½ and 16½. Chubbier than that? You're out of luck. [And I Am Not Lyin]
Oldies But Goodies
We bespectacled ladies can vouch for the enduring truth of an artifact from the October 1965 issue of Play Girl "Men DO MAKE Passes at Girls Who Wear Glasses! The new vamp eye-frame by Harlequin for the woman who understands the importance of the gentle art of flirtation. With a vivaciously upswept front, the vamp captures the very essence of femininity. The beveling adds subtle interest to the elegant simplicity of the frame and the gently styled temples with their new up-to-the-minute curves add a distinguished softness." (Click the pic to see more images!) [Modern Mechanix]
Oldies But Goodies
From a 1953 issue of Mechanix Illustrated: "Leg falsies for gals with unshapely gams are now being made by Mrs. Dorothy Funk of Burbank, Calif. (Blushing, girls?) Moulded from customer’s legs they are concealed by special rubber and nylon stockings. Can you spot falsies at top? (Model at left.) Oh, pity the poor males!" WTF. (Click to see larger.) [Modern Mechanix]
Oldies But Goodies
As seen in these vintage ads, Levis have been around for a while, but when marketed for women they were "for leisure." You know, standing around, deciding where to picnic, that type of thing. When marketed to men, they were "for action." Lassoing fillies, bronco-busting and the like. And later still, they came in stripes for men, which one particular woman found extremely interesting. (Click picture for full-sized view.) [Vintage Ads, Vintage Ads]
Oldies But Goodies
Pear-shaped ladies! This 1967 Warner's ad wants to "help." "Girls with too much bottom and too little top: Warner's can reshape you," reads the copy. Apparently the girdle sucks you in and the bra fills you out and suddenly you're in proportion. Sounds comfortable! Not. (Click to see larger.) [Via '60s Fashion by Taschen]
retrosexual
1950s Sex Education Was Neither Educational Or About Sex
This clip is from a 1950s sex education film that isn't meant to teach anyone about hair growing in strange places, waking up to wet sheets, or blood coming out of your body from the opening between your legs.It seems like it was meant to teach parents about the weird changes their teens will be going through but it doesn't really tell the parents how to deal with said changes; the mother in this clip, for example, deals with her situation simply by snooping and freaking out on the phone to her son's friends.
Oldies Station
Over on Jossip, they're wagering that Angelina Jolie did not approve the usage of her likeness in this ad for the Xiomara Coronado Beauty Center, under the tagline, "Nobody is younger than you." Fortunately, this ad is from Ecuador where Angie will never see it, since she never travels the globe or anything. But! speaking of digital aging, the hilarious Bryony sent us a birthday present: The Jezebel avatar, aged. (Click old Angie to see.) [Jossip]
Oldies But Goodies
A reader sent us the link to this 1988 Mexican commercial starring one miss Salma Hayek. From the film direction to the wardrobe to the theme song to the gum-snapping Abuelita and the wolf that gets out of the car, It is a work of twisted genius. (Click picture to see embedded video). [YouTube]
Oldies But Goodies
Holy cow! A bovine is wearing a bra in this newsy item from a 1949 issue of Mechanix Illustrated. The copy reads: "Brassiere for Bossy will increase the flow of milk into her udder from 25 to 35 per cent. Invented by a Phoenix psychiatrist, the canvas bra has four elongated sacks which cradle the cow's teats." A shrink dreamed up this contraption? How udderly amazing. (Click for larger image.) [Modern Mechanix]
Oldies But Goodies
"Farewell to the ugly cigarette," reads the copy on this late '70s ad. "Smoke pretty." Because lung cancer and emphysema are gorgeous. The ad also says these are "the newest way to express your love of pretty things." Chicks like flowers! Why else would the box feature Eve drowning in blooms? Wait, are those poppies??? (Click to see larger.) [Vintage Ads]
Oldies But Goodies
Three words: Lisa. Frank. Clothes. Alas, these items are from a decades-old ad and not currently available. (Click picture to see the ad.) [Vintage Ads]
Oldies But (Not So) Goodies
Speaking of skin bleaching: this vintage product packaging confidently states, "The lighter you look, the lovelier you look." We haven't come very far. (Click to see the full box.) [Vintage Ads]
