Jezebel 
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New York, 5:28 PM
Mon Nov 30
56 posts in the last 24 hours
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09/14/09
Oh, and I actually do want to get married, since it would be my first.
09/14/09
I long for the days of Alexis Carrington.
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In essence, though the cougar stereotype is mostly leveled at women over 35, the truth is that our culture is uncomfortable with any relationship where the woman appears to have the power rather than the man, and because our culture is also "ageist," it's assumed the older person has the power over the younger. So older woman, younger men relationships are threatening to the patriarchal power structure. This is why our culture is perfectly okay with the whole Playboy ideal, but the reverse - a la Harold and Maude - is seen as "creepy." And this is why even a young woman, even in cases where the two partners are fairly close in age, has to deal with flack for dating someone younger than herself.
09/14/09
For example my mom dates, but has never remarried. My dad remarried into a very non-egalitarian relationship.
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Higher-educated women with good paying jobs probably just don't care enough to make getting remarried any kind of priority. They certainly seem to have enough going for them.
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09/15/09
I'm not a Nazi Boner Killer!!! * ahem *
09/14/09
Once child-rearing isn't an issue, do middle-aged men feel the sting of their irrelevance to women, causing them to seek out younger women who still need someone to provide for their children?
They can't compete with young men for sex appeal, they aren't needed by women in their age cohort to provide for vulnerable young children anymore, they're staring down the barrel of dependent old age...so they desperately need to prove themselves by wooing younger women.
Same ish, but with the burden of desperation on the other side of the fence.
09/14/09
Maybe women don't want to get remarried because they're tired of putting up with men? I mean, plenty of times there's enough fault on both sides of a divorce, but as BeckySharper points out, men generally benefit from marriage more than ladies.
My mom divorced in her early 40s, then shacked up with a man nearly a decade younger before marrying him. They're one of the sweetest, most functional couples I know. For whatever that's worth. She struck out twice, then hit a home run.
09/14/09
@lalaland13:
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09/14/09
Also, don't violate any statutory rape laws. That's important.
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I know a handful of divorced women in their forties and fifties and they all say they wouldn't mind a nice boyfriend, but living with a man and all the compromises and sacrifices that entails...no thanks. Some of them have flatly refused marriage proposals.
It's related to the old factoid that married men live longer than single men but single women outlive married ones. Especially after the child-bearing years, men are probably more likely to want to get married and settle down than women.
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Multiple studies have shown that marriage has more tangible benefits for them than it does for women, especially later in life.
So why do all these scary trend pieces make it sound like all unmarried older women are unwillingly and tragically destined for unhappy cat-ladyhood?
09/14/09
Seriously, I don't understand why that isn't taken into account in these articles. People change and being married once doesn't mean you want to be married twice.
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