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Senior Year: A Rant Appeal

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Red-headed bookworm
10/20/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
I love older people who are still active. Being active mentally and physically really helps keep you young. I think other countries tend to do this better than the US. I've heard of other countries being more admiring of the elderly and being more organized as to providing activites for them.

Really, older people are just like younger people, different personalities and likes. I don't think I'll change that much when I get older, I'll still be listening to hard rock and metal and enjoying my weird forensic science shows. Look at people like the Rolling Stones, they are in their 60s and still making music. The older people today are the rebels of the past. Take the time to talk to them. Many of them paved the way for the freedoms and progress we enjoy today. Don't ignore them and let them just sit in some kind of home. #oldage
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logruszed
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
I don't care what anyone says, the end of "Grumpy Old Men" when Burgess Meredith is cussing and using euphemisms about sex is funny. #oldage
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PaintedTrollop
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
People are just people - and as someone closer to seniordom than most of you, I hate the "cute" seniors with great intensity.

I know a lot of seniors who are kick-ass political activists, right here in my home state. Granny D (Doris Haddock) is 99. When she was 90, she walked across the country to bring attention to the need for campaign finance reform. She has emphysema, but the last time I talked to her, she was still walking 3 miles a day.

Don and Lois Booth are longtime peace activists. Don is 92 and Lois is 87. Don sat in front of the NH State House as part of a (still) ongoing peace vigil, every week day for years, after the US invaded Iraq. He's too frail to do it every day now, but he still participates when he can.

These are the kind of old people we should all aspire to be. I wish everyone had people like this in their lives. #oldage
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
10/19/09

@PaintedTrollop: My great-grandma is 96 and she ran for president last year as a third party candidate. She didn't exactly make it onto the ballot, but she got a write up in the newspaper. #oldage
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PaintedTrollop
10/19/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: I would have voted for her! #oldage
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msmoneypenny
10/19/09

@PaintedTrollop: The Democratic ladies group I was a part of a few years back had many politically active women over 65 in a conservative area. I was the only one active under the age of 35. It was so wonderful to hear these women and learn from them. It seemed as if I had 10 kickass grannies after that. Now that I have been away for a couple of years, I really miss those feisty gals. #oldage
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lemonsquares
10/20/09

@PaintedTrollop: i've met Granny D! she is so righteous.

603 represent, as the kids say :) #oldage
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PaintedTrollop
10/20/09

@lemonsquares: She always hugs me (I'm 6' and she's about 4'8") and says, "You young people are doing such good work." I'm 53. She's the only one who calls me "young people"!!! #oldage
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RubyStar
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
Growing up, my mum was a nurse who tended to specialise in geriatric care. Between the ages of about 6 until mum moved into occupational health nursing when I was mid-teens, I can't remember a Christmas Day we didn't spent at work with mum in the hospital, singing carols, helping out, talking to the patients. When I was old enough I took a job as a care assistant, to this day one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. I remember all of their faces, their stories. It sounds like a cliché but I can't think of a better way to learn about life and about death than to spend time with one's elders. They should not be comic relief, or cute sideshow attractions. They are who we will be, and I think part of our problem with facing them every day is that it means facing our own futures. No airbrushing.

On a side note - I literally just finished watching a little British film called 'Is anybody there?' starring Michael Caine and a wonderful cast of older folks. I cried like an idiot, partly because it reminded me of my own childhood in the north of England and partly because some of the portrayal of the elderly nursing home residents was so spot on. Beautiful little film, maybe a touch sentimental, but I highly recommend it.
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Abra promoted this comment Edited by RubyStar at 10/19/09 5:20 PM RubyStar was starred RubyStar was unstarred

LaMorenita
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
I would tentatively submit that the problem of marginalizing the elderly is especially bad in this country. This is based entirely on anecdotal evidence and only comparing the US with Spain, but living there you get used to seeing old people out and about all the time. I think it has to do with the plaza culture, where people actually go outside and hang out in the streets. In my neighborhood there were always gaggles of old men hanging out on benches, old couples taking walks together etc. I've also heard that in Spain you can get a young person to come and essentially be your friend and the govt. pays for it. Socialized medicine helps too.

Anyway, I don't know what things are like in the rest of Europe or other developed countries worldwide, but coming back here, the disparity was pretty shocking. #oldage
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the dodo, the cuckoo, and the nene
10/19/09

@LaMorenita: I'm not sure how common the practice of a young person getting paid to be a companion to an older person is in Spain ( I have never heard of that, and half of my family lives there) but I generally agree regarding the plaza culture. My Abuelo, who is 87, still takes walks on his own to the plaza to meet his friends. I think a big part of it is that the cities are pedestrian friendly. Even the smallest pueblos have gathering areas that are within walking distance (from their homes) for older people, and for young children as well. #oldage
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LaMorenita
10/19/09

@the dodo, the cuckoo, and the nene: yeah, the paying thing was purely hearsay, I never got that confirmed. What you're describing is exactly what I love about Spain. Wherever we went, there was always a central plaza with a bunch of old dudes hanging out all day long. I personally loved it, it seemed so much more community oriented and friendly.

Here, it seems like we just shove our old people into homes and hope they don't make us uncomfortable. Unless they're rapping or doing something adorable obvs!
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Edited by LaMorenita at 10/19/09 6:58 PM LaMorenita was starred LaMorenita was unstarred

hollygirl
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
The Alan Arkin character in Little Miss Sunshine worked really well for me. Old, but still a unique person. #oldage
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morninggloria
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
A lot of times, nursing homes could really use volunteers to read to the residents and do little incidental things for them around their rooms. I was a nursing assistant in high school and college and what usually ends up happening during a shift is that the 20% of individuals with severe health problems took up about 80% of my time and the 80% of residents who just wanted me to sit with them and talk and like help them organize their sock drawer found themselves a little bit neglected (not that their immediate physical health was threatened, but it was impossible to address their emotional needs).

Seriously, if you do volunteer at a nursing home, you'd most likely be helping those residents without major, major health issues who were mostly mentally with it. It means so much to just have someone read them the trashy novels that they enjoyed so much or help them write letters to their grandchildren. Do it. So rewarding.

//soapbox #oldage
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
10/19/09

@morninggloria: That sounds fun. I knit and have yarn that I'll never use (some of it because my estranged father sent me a box of it and anything I made out of it would feel like sackcloth) that I've thought about bringing in and donating. I wonder if they'd let me hang out on Saturday evenings. #oldage
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morninggloria
10/19/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: Get in touch with the activities director or volunteer coordinator (if they have one) at a local assisted living facility and ask what steps you need to take to be on the volunteer roll (you'd probably need to take a TB test-- our volunteers did). A lot of women at the place where I worked still enjoyed knitting and crocheting and most of the people there loved having company. If you do end up volunteering, you'll hear so, so many great stories. #oldage
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Tchotchke
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
I agree that using elderly people as punchlines by having them smoke weed or have sex is disrespectful/annoying. But, I love old people who smoke weed because they simply don't give a damn (paging Willie Nelson!) and for some reason, elderly people eating ice cream is adorable to me. Maybe because it's nice to see that simple things like sweets make us happy at age 4 or 94. #oldage
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NewsBunny
10/19/09

@Tchotchke: I ran into an elderly womant today who was enjoying an ice-cream cone.

They're such an inexpensive treat, she said. And then added --- and each one could be my last one.

lol! #oldage
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hollygirl
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
It is so marginalizing and condescending and fucking creepy. #oldage
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rednrowdy
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
it's always surprising to me how the media goes nuts for kids who do amazing things and have extraordinary talent and quickly forget about the 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, and 90-somethings who also do amazing things and have talent and never get the shot to show it off because of their age.

life doesn't stop just because you're not cute enough to be on the cover of a magazine, y'know? it keeps going! it's not always pleasant. people retain anger. people aren't perfect and camera-ready and don't always fit into what other people term as "vital", but they wake up every morning. the more we marginalize the aged, the worse humanity becomes. #oldage
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queenieinmanhattan
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
Honestly, it's inspiring because it takes enormous energy to do some of these things at an advanced age. It's just not the same as seeing a 30 -year-old doing it - though it's also inspiring in the same way that someone pursuing their passion at any age is inspiring.

I'm with you on the ghettoization/fetishization thing (it can sometimes feel a little bit like being hit over the head), but having seen my once unbelievably active grandmother succumb first to a stroke, then to depression, and then to an even deeper depression after the death of my grandfather, I'd give my eyeteeth to have her be inspired by these movies and shows. She's capable of so much, but has lost all motivation - something I think is all too common among seniors. And we're talking about woman with all the means, access and support to do anything she wants. She just doesn't...want...anything. #oldage
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Red-headed bookworm
10/20/09

@queenieinmanhattan: I know. My grandma had a hear attack last weekend and my parents were on me about calling her. I put it off until last night. I know I should call my grandparents more. I had a nice, 20 minute converstaion with her. It's just not something our/my generation does, which is horrible. I need to make sure to call and write my grandparents more often and I pledge to do so after this article. #oldage
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sleepeatread
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
When I was in grade school, my teacher had us all make little cards and gifts for the residents of an elderly housing complex down the street. A few weeks later, the woman I gave my gifts to sent me a scarf, hat, and gloves she had made herself. That is when I realized how much small acts of kindness can mean. #oldage
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Flackette Goes Retro
10/19/09

@sleepeatread: That is an awesome lesson to learn as a little kid. My girl scout troop would go caroling in nursing homes and at the homes of elderly people in my small town. I remember one lady in a hospital bed requested "Little Town of Bethlehem." We hadn't practiced it, but sort of faked our way through it, and even as a little kid I remember thinking it was kind of sad that we were probably the highlight of her day. #oldage
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Red-headed bookworm
10/20/09

@sleepeatread: When I was in high school, our art club used to decorate bags for Meals on Wheels. I think that was all we managed to accomplish. Art Club is not really a group of people who do much...probably how I got to be President of it. #oldage
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bess marvin, girl detective
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
when done right, it can be funny.
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Edited by bess marvin, girl detective at 10/19/09 4:55 PM

Flackette Goes Retro
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
Yesterday I noticed one of those Christmas trees with name tags on it, with a sign inviting people to take a tag, buy some of the requested gifts, and return the items in time for the holidays. I've done programs like this before, always for kids - but this one was for seniors in long-term care facilities. I looked at a bunch of the tags and they had their names, ages and requests like "new blouse, lap blanket, and cologne," "body lotion, powder," "large-print calendar, alarm clock." Nobody had asked for anything fancy (the youngsters usually ask for a Nintendo DS or something) - just basic little perks of life, like nice-smelling bath products or warm socks. And it struck me that these people had likely been left and forgotten - if they had any family members, they certainly weren't visiting and bringing little things to them like alarm clocks, calendars or house slippers. The requests were just so modest, it made me sad to think that each of these people was someone's family member, and now they were depending on a charity to give them a new shirt for Christmas.

Senior centers, btw, can be wonderful places. During a power outage last winter, my 97 year old grandfather and his wife were able to go to the senior center 2 blocks from their house and get hot meals.

Edited to add the name of the charity was Silver Bells. It exists in multiple cities, if anyone is interested in seeking them out.
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Edited by Flackette Goes Retro at 10/19/09 4:57 PM

Penny
10/19/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: This is so true. And it's really where the "greatest generation" thing hits hard for me. I understand that caring for elderly family members is difficult, but after long lives of plugging along, paying taxes, etc. You'd think they'd deserve better. #oldage
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Kivrin
10/19/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: I understand your point, and I agree that many seniors are forgotten, and that's sad. But I did want to point out that just because someone gets old doesn't automatically make him/her a good person; abusive people get old and weak, too. Some of those people are alone in their senior years because of choices they made as younger adults.
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Edited by Kivrin at 10/19/09 4:56 PM Kivrin was starred Kivrin was unstarred

RiloKilo
10/19/09

@Kivrin: I don't think we should assume that's the norm, though... not all orphans are inherently wonderful people either, I guess. But when someone asks for something as simple as a new blanket, I think they should be provided one if possible. #oldage
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Kivrin
10/19/09

@RiloKilo: Absolutely -- it's sad that anyone should be without a blanket in her old age. I just get wary when I sense that people are bashing disrespectful children for not visiting their parents in the nursing home or whatever. It's not always the kid's fault. (Says the girl who had to cut off contact w/ her abusive family and foresees a lot of judgment in her future…)
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Edited by Kivrin at 10/19/09 5:02 PM Kivrin was starred Kivrin was unstarred

RiloKilo
10/19/09

@Kivrin: That's true. It's definitely not always the fault of the child. If only people could remember that every circumstance is different... which is not likely to happen any time soon. #oldage
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Plum-Pie
10/19/09

@Kivrin: 'Be nice to your kids, they choose your retirement home'?

Ahem.

I am feeling caustic today. #oldage
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Flackette Goes Retro
10/19/09

@Kivrin: Oh, age definitely does not make people automatically kind and wise. I know some people who were real bastards when they were younger and now...well, they're older bastards. I think that's part of what Sadie is saying - that being old doesn't make a person cute and cuddly, if they aren't that kind of person (see also: my 97 year old grandfather, who has spent most of his life as a mean son of a gun). But then, the years that I have bought toys for a kid from Angel Tree I didn't ask if the kid was a brat or not - I just wanted to give to someone. So I wouldn't really be bothered if I gave to a charity for seniors and a crazy old bastard got it. To me it's the idea that people deserve a certain degree of recognition just for being human. #oldage
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CerebralMagpie
10/19/09

@Kivrin: On a slightly different bent, I've chosen to be alone in my senior years because I've chosen not to have kids, and I'm very selective of my friends. I am not bitter about this, and I'm actually looking forward to years of having plenty of time to myself for crafts and reading.

I'm at peace with the idea that the kids I mentor now may not want to visit me, and that I'll probably outlive my husband.

Getting old for us/our generation needs a different mindset. We should be learning to prepare for ourselves. #oldage
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Kivrin
10/19/09

@CerebralMagpie: I'm in a similar position, and I'm looking forward to it as well. :) #oldage
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Lolita Hazed
10/19/09

In reply to Senior Year: A ~~Rant~~ Appeal
Blanche FTW. #oldage
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