[Washington, DC. April 12. Image via Getty.]

WASHINGTON - APRIL 12: President Barack Obama and wife, First Lady Michelle, depart St. John's Episcopal Church following Easter Sunday services April 12, 2009 in Washington, DC. The service was the first that the Obama's have publicly attended since the inauguration. (Photo by Martin H. Simon-Pool/Getty Images)

WASHINGTON - APRIL 12: In this handout image released by the White House on April 12, 2009, U.S. President Barack Obama (top-C) pets the family's new dog, Bo, a six-month old Portuguese water dog, as his wife, First lady Michelle Obama (L), and daughters, Sasha and Malia (R) look on in the White House in Washington, DC. Bo is a gift from Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) and and his wife Victoria to the President's daughters. (Photo by Pete Souza/The White House via Getty Images)

• A source claims that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are still talking after their breakup late last week, but that Sam has "begged Lindsay to get help." Lohan is reportedly "heartbroken" over the split. [People]

• "Lindsay, despite appearances, is insecure and has relied on Samantha and their relationship to build her up," says a friend, "Lindsay barely sleeps, which explains a lot of her behavior. She's exhausted. She can't even sit down for a minute without pacing around the room. It's really sad." [People]
• Ronson also reportedly gave Lindsay a shout-out at a recent DJ gig, followed by "na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye." That was way harsh, Tai. [ONTD]
• Sorry ladies: Roger Federer has married his longtime girlfriend Miroslava "Mirka" Vavrinec. Federer confirmed the marriage with this post on his blog: "Earlier today, in my hometown of Basel, surrounded by a small group of close friends and family, Mirka and I got married. It was a beautiful spring day and an incredibly joyous occasion. Mr. and Mrs. Roger Federer wish all of you a Happy Easter weekend." [People]
• "Vanessa thinks Daniel Craig is the hot Hollywood hunk. But I also have a man-crush on Daniel Craig - he's just so cool.So I'll let her have that one. She's also hot for Ryan Gosling. She has a list."-Zac Efron [ShowbizSpy]
• Audrina Patridge says she hasn't gotten any plastic surgery: "People think I've got my nose done, my chin done. I just laugh at it. I'm just losing my baby fat - everyone grows up and changes." [DailyExpress]
• The Presidential Puppy will arrive at the White House on Tuesday; the Obamas have decided on a Portuguese Water Dog from a Texas kennel. [USWeekly]
• "I can see why Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse go nutty. All the attention I've been getting lately is surreal, and invasive, intrusive and weird. Whenever I open my door there are people with cameras outside. I'm trapped in my own home."-Lily Allen [ShowbizSpy]
• The French are apparently going mad over Hugh Laurie. The Guardian claims a French magazine "gushed" that "with Hugh Laurie, you don't sleep, you laugh. With Hugh Laurie ... you are moved ... It's the year of Hugh Laurie or it's no one's year at all. And, for now, there isn't the slightest sign of France overdosing." [Guardian]
• Lady GaGa has canceled plans to release her next single, which includes the line "I want to take a ride on your disco stick," because the song is "too rude" for release. [TheSun]
• Suri Cruise is reportedly going to start Scientology "training" this week. "The children have a lot of responsibilities from a very young age," a source says of the school, which was started last year by Will Smith "The school is particularly strict about nutrition, demanding a low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic diet. Katie is understandably a little anxious about being separated from Suri." [DailyMail]
• Justin Timberlake and Lupe Fiasco are going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro this fall for charity. Is there anything Justin Timberlake can't do? Seriously? [DailyExpress]
• Get ready for more Miley Cyrus, as the Hannah Montana movie won the weekend box office with a debut of 17.4 million. [EW]
• Blind Item:"This C list movie actress who came into her A list name recognition through a hit television show no longer on the air has always thought very highly of herself. But this is ridiculous, and shows you what an idiot she is. When she sees a homeless person on the street asking for money she stops and gives them her autograph and tells them to sell it on e-bay. I assume she thinks all homeless people have some type of wireless laptop they carry around with them and a way to collect the money." [BlindGossip]
• A giant bunny showed up at my house last night and left an enormous basket filled with chocolate marshmallow bunnies, various forms of delightful candy eggs, and delicious Starburst jellybeans. If you see this bunny, please thank him for me. And also ask him to consider making this basket o'candy thing a daily surprise, because it is AWESOME.

• Reports suggest that the Obama puppy has been selected and that it may well be an Easter gift to the Obama girls. Ted Kennedy may or may not be the Easter Bunny. [Washington Post]

• In other news of the cute, Jezebel favorite Damon Weaver will be on 20/20, and it turns out that Tim Geithner is the jerk keeping him from getting his Obama interview. [Huffington Post]
• Republicans have their thongs in a bunch that the Senate might possible consider ratifying the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child, which would obligate the U.S. to keep Republicans from abusing children, forcing them into a specific religion and codify the right to free expression that Damon Weaver is using. Apparently, hitting your kids is a patriotic act. [Politico]
• Karl Rove is claiming that it's Obama who's unwilling to be bipartisan, since he won't back the legislation proposed by the Congressional Republicans who bash him daily and refuse to vote for anything he backs. [Wall Street Journal]
• Ted Stevens is maybe running in 2014 to retake his Senate seat if he doesn't die first. [Huffington Post]
• Sarah Palin has officially declined to run in a primary against Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski, who threatened to kick her ass. [Politico]
• The final tally on her RNC wardrobe was $173,000 — and still no one knows when it's all getting donated to charity. [Politico]
• In better news, Obama is going to push for immigration reform, what with the immigration situation in this country being completely fucked up. [NY Times]
• His outreach to Iran is going about as well as the fight for immigration reform is likely to — which is to say, not well. [CBS News]
• New York Governor David Paterson has decided that if he's going to lose a primary to Andrew "Shucking And Jiving Is Not A Racist Term" Cuomo next year anyway, he's going to go out with some good shit started. He's started with legislation to legalize same sex marriage in New York. Hear that, Pilgrim Soul? Now we just need an end to DOMA and our love can blossom. [ThinkProgress]

(Only, you know, with fewer guests, and, since I don't manicure as regularly as Barbra Streisand, with way worse cuticles.)

The thing about politics, like the news in general, is that it's subject to the butterfly effect and, no, I'm not talking about that shitty movie with Ashton Kutcher. Some minor news story one day takes down a politician the next which, of course, brings us to the death of Bill Richardson's cabinet appointment. Not even a month ago, there was a little-noticed story about how a federal grand jury was investigating possible pay-for-play with contracts in New Mexico and just about everyone yawned and figured Richardson and Obama's vetters weren't that stupid and went back to Christmas shopping. Everyone was just focusing on Blago and the smoking-hot Patrick Fitzgerald and how no one could possibly be stupid enough to accept a Blagojevich appointment to the Senate until, of course, Roland Burris, who now considers himself the junior Senator from Illinois, did.

And, let's stop and talk for just a second about Roland Burris, whose zeal for higher office has never once been thwarted by a desire to do what was, you know, right. Just ask Rolando Cruz, who sacrificed more than a decade of his own life at the altar of Burris' political ambitions — let alone two of Burris' own prosecutors who quit rather than do something they knew was wrong. Harry Reid might faux-fight that shit all he wants (which, given that it's Harry Reid, isn't much — the man would rather watch a few boxing matches on the industry's dime than get all pugilistic up in the Senate). Burris knows he played by the rules and bought that seat fair and square just like he bought those contracts from the Blago administration and he's going to take his rightful place by hook, crook, lawsuit or race card, because that's how "vetting" is done in Chicago.

But back to Chicago, which Obama left yesterday with a tear in his eye, leaving his staff claiming that Richardson stonewalled them on the pay-for-play case — which begs the question: why did you then let him have the job, idiots? Even letting loose the info that Virginia Governor Tim Kaine, once thought a potential VP candidate, is only getting the DNC Chairmanship as his consolation prize (note to others: don't talk about Axelrod's combover) isnt' going to stop the Richardson trainwreck, especially as he's withdrawing from the Obama Administration and returning to run his own.

His state, like most of 'em, is probably deep in the hole and they'd like a trillion dollars from the federal government or else they've got these mutated, ill-tempered sea bass with fricking laser beams on their foreheads, see? And the overseer of the financial crisis might want to steer clear of state capitals once he loses that Secret Service Protection in 10 years because sea bass and governors tend to live for a while (everywhere but in Virginia, where Tim Kaine is about to be term-limited out anyway).

But there are some people that will be coming to Washington, including Al Franken, who will supposedly be declared the winner of the Minnesota Senate race today and Denver school superintendent Michael Bennet, who is reportedly Colorado Governor Bill Ritter's choice to replace Ken Salazar in the Senate. New York Governor David Paterson is still denying that Caroline Kennedy is the front-runner to replace Hillary Clinton in the Senate despite Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver flip-flopping on Kennedy last week for just that reason, so either her people have plants in the governor's office leaking this or it's all just a big show on Paterson's part to make him look so pressured that he doesn't have another choice. She might be able to make nice with either Harvard law dean Elena Kagan or Stanford law dean Kathleen Sullivan, both of whom are tops on the short list for Solicitor General and either of whom would be the first woman to hold the position.

In the meantime, troopers are alleging that the investigation into Levi Johnston's Oxy-Mom was delayed for political reasons, a bunch of anti-Bush activists are forced to cope with the fact that one of their own was an FBI plant, which makes me wonder after last spring's Elle story of another FBI plant how many anarchists we really have who aren't working for the federal government. There's also another sketchy Bill Clinton donor story out there which should make for 3 minutes of questioning during Hillary Clinton's confirmation hearings next month, assassinated Pakistani politician Benazir Bhutto's daughter has a new rap song out which is probably more ripe for parody than Rachel Maddow but SNL's Michaela Watkins of the terrible Arianna impression will try one anyway.

Oh, and not to be trumped by the damn Bidens, the Obamas will be getting their girls two puppies, too, and someone will be having a very stern talk with Joe about upstaging the boss.

Greyhounds have a long and noble history; before greyhound racing became what they were best known for, greyhounds were actually protected by law during the Middle Ages, were the only dogs mentioned in the Bible, and were mentioned by Chaucer and Shakespeare, among others. America's favorite animated family, The Simpsons, adopted their greyhound, Santa's Little Helper, at the very start of the beloved series, and J.K. Rowling adopted a grey last year, which means, of course, that greyhounds are Gryffindor approved.

The Obamas are looking for two things: a rescue dog and a hypoallergenic dog. A greyhound fits both of these criteria. Greyhounds are also notoriously lazy, preferring to spend their days curled up in a ball, fast asleep. They're incredibly gentle, they don't shed, they very rarely bark, and they don't secrete the same oil as other dogs, which means they don't give off that "doggy smell" that other breeds seem to.

Even if the Obamas decide to go with a poodle or a doodle (which they will, most likely), greyhounds have already won one victory this week: voters in the State of Massachusetts voted to ban greyhound racing, a move that will close down the tracks that my retired racer used to run on. Thousands of dogs will now be placed in rescue shelters to await real homes. With 5,000-8,500 greyhounds being killed each year simply because they can't race anymore, the need for good homes and greyhound rescue awareness is higher than ever, and a Presidential adoption would do wonders for greyhound rescue efforts across the country.

When we first got Liffey, he was three years old and had never set foot in a home before. He didn't know how to climb stairs. He didn't understand that the face looking back at him in the mirror was his own, and not another dog's. He walked into the plate glass door twice, not knowing what windows were. He had spent his entire life in a crate, leaving only to pee, eat, or run.

A year and a half later, he's a bit of a rock star in our very small town. Kids will stop us every three feet when we go for walks, and he stands patiently as they pet him and tell him how neat they think he is. Sometimes when I watch him curled up in a ball on the couch, I think about the first three years of his life, when he was just a number on a track, locked in a cage at night, and I can't help but worry about the other greys out there who are still in need. A greyhound in the White House would be the best thing that ever happened to the Greyhound Rescue movement; but even if that doesn't happen, the steps being made in states like Massachusetts are definite signs that the country is beginning to realize that these animals deserve loving families, good homes, and a chance to live a cage-free life.

[Grey2kUsa]
Mass. Voters Approve Dog Racing Ban [Boston Globe]
J.K. Rowling Adopts An Abandoned Greyhound [Daily Record]
Who Should Be The First Dog? Here Are The Candidates [AP]

Earlier: First Things First: What Kind Of Dog Should The First Puppy Be?