MEGAN: So, did you hear? The DNC allowed Puerto Rico to switch from having a caucus on June 7th to having a primary on June 1st. This could be the first time candidates actually visit/give a crap about our remaining colonies. I have always been uncomfortable knowing we have colonies whose citizens are less than fully represented in our federal government. It seemslike that's why we had a war with England way back, right?

MOE: Yeah I grew up in DC so I'm kind of used to it.
I put it in the news roundup though.
The news roundup no one read because everyone was too busy watching THE HILLS.

Also the Puerto Ricans get that parade.

MEGAN: OMG, Ali Velshi on CNN likes doing stories about Facebook because then tons of people friend him afterwards.

MEGAN: I'm a little scattered this morning, I can't decide whether I should provide her with the attention by asking if you've seen the new Obama girl video in which she asks Hillary to stop attacking her man or if you've been reading Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's blog. The last entry he patiently explains whhy African-Americans don't trust our government. Also, that picture of Emmett Till always sorta makes me weepy.

MOE: Dude this Obama video is awesome
I stopped watching them.

MEGAN: I thought it was when I saw it last night, but it was 1 am and I'd been drinking. My taste is normally off but I was still kind of amused this morning.

Oh, yeah, I hadn't seen one in a while because it got annoying.

MOE: Right, they took their time on this one though. Also, whoever's voice that is is really good. Like wayyyyy better than Ashley Alexandra Dupre

MEGAN: Actually, it's Leah Kauffman, who is quite cute in her own right and that video I just linked is her asking Ann Coulter to "perfect" her, too, as she's Jewish. She talks about finally growing into her nose. I wish that had happened to me.

MOE: Sorry, I'm actually trying to post the video right now. It's so fun and timely! Um, what else is going on? All I've been hearing about is Sinbad. But here's an embarrassing revelation: I do not know exactly why Sinbad is famous. OR maybe he was never famous, which is why he was in Bosnia in the first place. And also, I was not aware Kareem Abdul Jabbar had a blog. I just feel so BEHIND.

MEGAN: Wait, whoa, like Sinbad, Sinbad?

MOE: Yeah, like, honestly, I always thought of him as that guy from A Different World

MEGAN: Me too!
Also, I'll link that shit.
I think I knew he was a comedian, though. But I feel like those USO shows are always second-string entertainers anyway. Sorry, Sinbad. I'm sure you're still funny. But you were no Dwayne Wayne.

MOE: No I knew he was a comedian, i mean I do not live under a rock, it's just that I ...well do you think Sinbad will plan a comedy tour on this basis?

MEGAN: Dude, this is literally the most I've thought about Sinbad in years. Like, possibly since he was on Hollywood Squares or something. Hopefully his agent is booking him on Larry King or something right now.
Ok, completely off-topic, but I went hunting for the video of that trip on CBS's site, and one of their most popular stories is Top 10 Reasons to Have Sex Tonight. Not one of them is because it's fun or because you want to. Stupid moralists at CBS. It's all like, it burns calories and relieves stress. Well, duh.

MOE: Oh fuck it boosts your immune system too?
And cancer risk, but I think that's the same thing.
Well that settles it.

MEGAN: We should have more sex?
I mean, not us together, but in general.

MOE: I am going to go get really desperate on behalf of my immune system. Tonight. Fuck intimacy issues; fuck celibacy in the name of mental well-being etc. etc. Masturbation is not going to save me from cancer.

MEGAN: Well, but only good sex. Bad sex makes you go, well, masturbation would've been a better call.
Masturbation saves you from really, really bad sex.
Sometimes.

MOE: Sad admission: I've been too lazy to masturbate lately. I'll get all revved up talking to some friend about, you know, the fallacy of a "soft landing" and the future of the dollar and the numerous problems the market can't solve, and I'll be on some sort of roll, and I'll be like, DYING to have sex, but there's no one around, and by the time I get all the way up my stairs I collapse on the couch and watch Jon Stewart. And it's kind of sad that even after watching Jon Stewart I'm not in the mood, but I'm not. I fell asleep on the couch instead. In my coat. I actually slept in my coat. Maybe it's just too cold to masturbate. Another good reason to have sex. Oh god, uhhhh, maybe we should address the troop surge right now? Like how the whole 4,000 deaths thing has put a damper on its "success"?
And by the way, Kareem Abdul Jabbar's blog about Emmitt Till is really sad. I didn't even know about that.
Or maybe I did; I have not had enough coffee. Again with the roommate.

MEGAN: Well, but, like, obviously, Moe, duh, most of those people died before the surge. And they volunteered, so it shouldn't really put a damper on our warmongeriness.

MOE: OH wow, an election in Zimbabwe. I think 900 troops have died post-Surge.

MEGAN: I am drinking my official beverage of hangovers: Crystal Lite.
Coffee will come later.
Well, I mean, there's elections, and then there are "elections" in Zimbabwe under Mugabe.

MOE: Yes. And RealClearPolitics linked to some commentary about what it means in the FT but I'm not a subscriber, although I suppose I ought to be. Shoulda taken the meds I guess. Is it a slow news day? Because this linking Bill Clinton with Joe McCarthy thing is kinda old, and yet it's apparently still a top meme, which I think means we're scraping the bottom of the barrel. Yesterday on CNBC they were talking a lot about the Taiwan elections, whose results were not at all a surprise nor did they have anything approaching the economic ramifications they were suggesting, but I'm thinking it was the same problem. When will we get some fucking news?

MEGAN: About Taiwan? Or in general?
The problem is that Obama's sunning himself in the Virgin Islands right now. It's hard to make big news in a media blackout, i guess.
On Zimbabwe, Mugabe raised the salaries of all the government employees to get them to vote for him but since they're broke and sanctioned, he's just printing the money. Who says no one will learn anything from the Fed bailout of Bear Sterns?

MOE: The big stories in the Post are the fact that the Indiana primary is now what everyone's got his eye on. It could be a fair fight! Okay, and then there's some noise in the Times as to whether Obama is too liberal to be a unifier. I'm gonna have to go with "if McCain is what represents the GOP right now, then yes; next question." And hahahaha re your Mugabe joke but oh, good lord, did you read about this book?

MEGAN: Um, that writer guy's kinda sexy. Also, it's probably not a universal African tribal myth New York Times reviewer Michiko Kakutani.
Zimbabwe's been a cluster fuck for years and it used to be a nice, relatively stable place until Mugabe thought he'd lose power and decided white Zimbabweans were the devil. Also, I hope his parents are still ok.
Godwin's, I mean. Because it's really not a safe place at all right now and the elections aren't going to help probably.

MOE: Wait! I forgot! We haven't talked about how David Paterson could get soooooooo much money for his memoir at this point OMG WTF his life just keeps getting more interesting.

MEGAN: A middle aged man did drugs in the 70s. The fact that such a thing is news means either there aren't a fuck of a lot of glass houses around or that people really like throwing stones anyway.

MOE: Huh weird, and on a final note, maybe Rev. Wright was right? In the spirit if not the letter of what he says. Some reader just sent this in, with the message, "don't let the haters get you down babe." Aw! The haters are actually what get me up in the morning! Well no, actually, coffee is what gets me up in the morning. AHEM.

MEGAN: Dude, I'll get on Ebay and have you a new grinder in a week.

Editor's Note: My roommate just went to Starbucks to buy me some coffee. She is a wonderful person to whom I am eternally grateful. Also, she took our commuter mugs so as to reduced our carbon footprint etc. I love coffee, and my roommate. And the Earth, we both love it.

• Paris Hilton and Entourage star Adrian Grenier are hanging out because he's making a documentary about the paparazzi — although they "looked pretty couple-y at her Malibu house party last Saturday." [Rush & Molloy, 2nd item]
  
• The Obama Girl might vote for Hillary Clinton. Also, she'll be in the October issue of Playboy. Of course. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• At a tennis clinic in East Hampton, Vogue's Anna Wintour asked Roger Federer what he was going to wear to the U.S. Open. (Answer: blue and white for day matches, black for night.) [Rush & Molloy, 9th item]
  
• Sandra Bernhard thinks being famous today is without dignity. "You have to be like Paula Abdul and fall all over yourself and pretend you're strung out on something and behave like a freak," she says. "Paris Hilton and all these sorts of people can be famous now?" Crap, she's right. [The Sun]

• Foxy Brown is headed to NYC's Rikers Island. She'll stay in the Rose M. Singer Center, a women's jail, but we're sure it's still absolutely horrifying. Good luck, Foxy! [TMZ]
• When Warren Beatty's 8-year-old daughter asked what an orgasm is, he told her it's "a sexual sneeze." Man, it is too early to be thinking about this. [Page Six]
• Jeff Bridges wears an "complexly coiffed wig" to play a character based on Vanity Fair editor-in-chief Graydon Carter in the movie version of How To Lose Friends And Alienate People. Bridges will always be "The Dude" to us! [Page Six]
• Richard Gere doesn't need a butt double. Man, it is way too early to be thinking about this. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton paid $2 million to make a lawsuit filed by Zeta Graff, Paris Latsis' ex-girlfriend, go away. Isn't there a more fun way to settle an heiress vs. heiress lawsuit? Arm wrestling, maybe? [Page Six]
• Joanna Krupa, a model we've never heard of, says other models are too thin. Thanks for the news flash! [Page Six]
• Bridget Moynahan gave birth to a boy yesterday, as we predicted. Tom Brady, the father, was either there or not there. The Post doesn't know, or they don't want to piss off Gisele. [PageSix]
• Vivica Fox's 43rd birthday party was kind of a mess, with a missing Rolls-Royce, an uninvited guest with a pending attempted murder charge, and a bounced check for $2500. Happy Birthday! [Gatecrasher]
• Actress and Tommy Hilfiger model Joy Bryant is engaged to a man named Sade. No need to ask, he's a smooth operator. [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
• Blind item! "Which Oscar-winning actor was recently spotted enjoying a summer cocktail with a male friend at the very gay Ramrod Club in Mykonos?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Pete Doherty news! The junkie rock star is accused of attacking a photographer. She claims she was "left with bruises and lost clumps of hair after she was assaulted by Doherty." Seriously? Honestly? How come Pete doesn't have a reality show? A fun romp with musical interludes, like The Monkees? [The Sun]
• Britney Spears: dissed by Swedish pop duo, who won't work with her because it could tarnish their image. [Daily Express]
• New MTV awards rumor: Justin Timberlake and Madonna, together. We'd actually rather see Britney Spears and Criss Angel Mindfreak, because that's the kind of crap you tell your grandkids about, but whatevs. [E!]

As inconceivable as it may sound to anyone who has marveled over Amber's God-ordained perfection in the role of Obama Girl — the star of the esteemed "I Got A Crush On Obama" series of pro-Barack slow jam videos designed to give cable news outlets something about the presidential campaigns to report on when nothing is actually going on besides the counting of money and realizing that McCain doesn't have any — Amber ALMOST WASN'T OBAMA GIRL. "I almost didn't call them back," she confessed of the creative team behind Barely Political, which produces the Obama Girl songs and found her on Howard Stern.

Amber was not exactly what you'd call politically informed prior to the Obama girl videos. She had never, for instance, voted, not that we asked but you're going to have to trust us on this one. Born in the Amish-y part of Pennsylvania to parents of descent she ticked off as "Italian, Irish, Swedish, German and Native American" (genius question of the night award goes to The Huffington Post's Rachel Sklar: "Oh, do you speak Swedish?" Uh, yeah), she came to New York seven or eight years ago to attend the Fashion Institute of Technology and somehow along the way became Miss Howard Stern. Do you have to be a stripper to do that? Did you ever work at Hawaiian Tropic Zone? Have you ever masturbated to the sight of your own video? You know, with the sound off? These are questions I am ashamed as someone who used to be a journalist not to have asked. Instead I queried, because I wanted to be all cool and shit: "What do people usually ask you?"

"How did I get the job, what do I think of Obama, whether I think it's good for politics, whether I think it's good for women..." she ticked off. I stopped listening. I did not care what she had to say about those things, mostly because, duh, neither did she. And the thing I love about socializing in Washington is that everyone there is smarter than me, and here I was, talking to one of the lone New Yorkers at the party, killing brain cells as usual. I began talking to a brunette journalist from the American Prospect whose card I somehow lost.

"Want another drink?" I asked rhetorically.

"I've got work to do," she replied.

"Oh, me too. Thank god for stimulants!"

"You're not from here, are you?" she replied.

Embarrassingly, she had read the site. Mercifully, Obama Girl was still there to distract her from engaging me in debate on the "Global Cummit."

"She's so tiny," said the brunette journalist. "Celebrities are always so much shorter in person."

Tiny, perhaps, but outfitted in an ensemble that could only be called "not Brooks Brothers" (wait, not true, it could also probably be called "Bebe") did not exactly go unnoticed at the party, because it took place in Washington D.C., where the summer dress code generally ranges from "khakis" to "chinos."

(I for my part, had come to the party in the same jeans and American Apparel tankdress thingy in which I had been sweating profusely since Friday night, but Ms. Sklar had met me in the lobby and shooed me away to a broom closet with a dress that rendered me fairly unnoticeable.)

In New York I think anyone who dresses deliberately is a douche, especially if he is male and the offending store is Barney's Co-op. But in DC when you see a guy in a shirt from Barney's Co-op you pray to high heavens he is not gay. Which he is. Which is why you don't ask.

"Who's that guy?" I asked Crowley of the one specimen of such a man, a tall gentleman with a soft white shirt with thin orange stripes ever so casually unbuttoned to reveal a good-for-Washington tan.

"David Plotz. He writes for Slate."

"Okay, I know that."

"He's one of those guys who grew up in Washington and, like, listened to Fugazi. So he can dress a little, you know, edgier because he's not trying so hard to fit in."

At this point we probably blacked out, but the next thing I found myself conversing with Matt Cooper, one of the very special Washington journalists who had to endure years of hanging out with lawyers because the Bush Administration was really jealous of that hot spy and her muckracking husband Joseph Wilson (who I do not think is hot but Anna does.) Like me, Matt Cooper had just joined Facebook, and received a friend request from the NPR anchor Carl Kassel, even though they are not actually friends. Unlike me, Matt Cooper did not take the opportunity presented by this new internet friendship to write on Carl Kassel's wall:

Moe Tkacik wrote
at 7:23pm on July 15th, 2007
Hello, friend! Um how do I know you? Did we have sex or something? I feel like I would remember sleeping with the wait wait don't tell me guy. Because it would be all "Guess who I had sex with last night?" Wait, wait...

Eager to get back to New York, Obama Girl and her handler paid $750 for a car service, which seemed a bit douchey. I left and met up with dumbass Alex Pareene of Wonkette, who couldn't come to the party on account of a "visitor" (yeah, his period!) at the bar The Raven, where the second most popular woman in Washington, Republican daterapist chronicler Angela Valdez, was hiding out. Needless to say, I am still here in D.C.. Let's get drunk!

Actual pictures by someone who is almost as good a photographer as me [Fishbowl DC]