So Kevin Federline, in his new incarnation of father of the year, is seeking an emergency custody hearing to wrest control of the money children now that his estranged wife has gone a bit mad.

Jeez Britney, pull yourself together girl! Things have come to a pretty pass when that wastrel spongeing walking spermbank manages to seize the moral high-ground.

Meanwhile, over at paparazzi agency X17's online blog, they're reporting that Britney went to Kevin's house last night, but there was no answer, so she HAD THE NERVE to take out her frustration on the nearest defenceless target:

"Britney went, with her assistant, to Kevin's San Fernando Valley house, buzzed the intercom, and got no answer. She went around the block, came back, rang again, no answer. She tried a third time — no reply from Kevin. Britney then took her anger out on our photographers, grabbing an umbrella and hitting their car, yelling."

But luckily, those poor little paparrazi lambs don't bear grudges. Indeed, in a breathtaking display of rank, nay, putrid hypocrisy, the conveniently anonymous X17 blogger wants us to know that she really feels all that pain that she's causing Britney to be in:

"Listen, I'm a mother of two and I understand Britney's pain right now. Whatever her mistakes, it must be horrible not to be able to see your own children. But more than any sympathy I feel for Brit, I feel sad for her two children. I hope after all of this ugliness, something good will come for those kids.

And we hope after all of this ugliness that something like a pickaxe will come smashing into your head.

Hey everyone, meet St Kevin! [NY Daily News]
Complete bunch of shits prove that irony truly is dead [X17]

Yet again, Britney has shown she's got her finger firmly on the pulse of today, by joining the rest of young Hollywood in rehab. Good luck with that Britney, it clearly worked for Nicole Richie Lindsay Lohan, um, Tara Reid?

But we're kind of disappointed that she chose a clinic in LA, when she could have gone here:

"It has been called the most successful rehabilitation programme in the world.

It takes four years to graduate from the Delancey Street foundation
The Delancey Street Foundation in San Francisco puts hardened criminals - including thieves and murderers - in charge of their own recovery and it doesn't take a penny in grant money from the United States government.

Instead the residents support themselves - and each other - by running a string of businesses including a gourmet restaurant."

You see Brit? Double bonus! You get to sort your head out, and afterwards, you can re-open NYLA!

Britney in rehab. Good luck with that one, hon. [NY Daily News]

Amidst all the pointing and laughing today, comes a still small voice of calm
in the form of the NY Daily News' David Hinkley:

" Most happy women don't wander into a hair salon, chop off all their hair, then start redecorating with a pair of tattoos.

Most sad women don't do that, either. So we really have no idea what, if anything, she's saying. The funny part is, she may not know, either - though if history is any guide, she will eventually try to explain it.

Maybe she'll say it was the pressure. But maybe this time she'll say it was us - that those who made her rich also made her nuts. That it's weird enough to have fans who sell locks of your hair on eBay, but just too weird to have fans who will buy them. "

Smack! Right out of the ballpark with that one.

[well said, David]

We had a look, and they're kind of funny, like public education films on masturbation from the 1950s. Perhaps the most startling thing about them is to remember quite how beautiful Imelda was, even if she was an evil old witch who bled her country dry to pay for her 60-a-day shoe habit.

Check them out after the jump.

She goes to Australia, accompanied by mandatory banjos.

Off she trips to China, this time with a full orchestra. With bonus Chairman Mao!

[All she has left are her memories. And a few thousand shoes]

If there is any good to come out of Anna Nicole Smith's death, it must be that professional irritant Bobby Trendy will finally exit his 14 minutes and 59 seconds worth of fame.

Judging by the 'tribute' he gave to Anna Nicole in today's Daily News, it looks like Bobby may have some dim inkling of his fate:

""I am stunned because she was the one who gave me so many opportunities and made me the person I am today," says Bobby Trendy, the interior designer who co-starred with Smith on her reality show.

Which roughly translates to:

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, what the fuck am I gonna do NOW?"

We suggest get your coat, make like a baby and head on out, Bobby.

[See Bobby panic! See Bobby run! See Bobby get run over by a truck!]