notes from the battlefield

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Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces

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SharonTaint
06/25/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
Whenever I see a woman rocking awesome pants/dress/outfit/shoes I pretty much always stop them and say it. Even if it's weird or creepy, sometimes you just have to tell a person you really like what they did.
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SharonTaint
06/25/09

@SharonTaint: oh and when I worked for a skincare company, I inserted a line of text after the ingredient listing that totally went to print because I was the last pair of eyes on the product. It said "wrinkles are an indication of where smiles have been."

It was a small run - only 2,000 units, but it still felt really good.
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argle-bargle? or fou-ferraw?
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
i think i'd go the brevity route with the cellulite ad:

YOU ARE NOT YOUR ASS.*

*yeah, i like fight club.
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librariesare4lovers
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
This is a better idea than the plastic surgeon who left business cards in the dressing room of the lingerie dept at the store I was at a couple of months ago.
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FrostyTempleton
06/24/09

@librariesare4lovers: OK, that is waaay out of line. I hope you defaced the cards by changing the name to Dr. Imanasshole...or something like that.
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librariesare4lovers
06/24/09

@FrostyTempleton: I stole them all and threw them in the trash. And then walked around the mall feeling like a super hero :)
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Plum-Pie
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
I approve, although I am a person who loves Found magazine, Post Secret et al.

I'm also reminded of a project by an arts organisation in London which does intergenerational work with a bunch of teenage girls and women aged 65 and older, in which they, in pairs, wrote poems to each other's beauty. The results, even though (maybe even because) they were by amateur writers, were very moving.
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CherriSpryte
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
Maybe I'm easy to please, but whoever scrawled "you look beautiful" on the mirror frame in the dressing room I was in a few weeks ago made me very happy.

I think there's a difference between that - because I honestly believe everyone's beautiful - and the note above, which got far too specific.
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rocknrollunicorn
06/24/09

@CherriSpryte: Things like that make me happy too because sometimes I assume that a lot of women I meet/pass by in real life are catty, for whatever reason. It reminds me that Jezebel-like types actually exist irl.
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lalaland13
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
You know, I think Jezebel is already a place for this, in a way. Especially the open threads. One of my favorite things about the weekends, really.
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Cunning_Linguist
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
I think it's lovely, although I think that particular note pictured is a little much. Simplicity would make it more effective, yes?
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rocknrollunicorn
06/24/09

@Cunning_Linguist: "You don't suck" works for me.
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LBB
06/24/09

@Cunning_Linguist: Most of the notes that people have posted [there are pictures of them on the original site] are very short, only a few words. This is the longest one I've seen.
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CurtCole
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
Still, this seems to reinforce the idea that your self esteem should result from some external factors rather then from yourself. The whole idea is that you shouldn't give a shit what people think, positive or negative.
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Penny
06/24/09

@CurtCole: This. It's still focusing on your beauty, rather than your person.
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tallgirl-in-heels
06/24/09

@CurtCole: Yes, but sometimes someone needs to plant the seed before it can grow. It would be awesome if we all came into this world with a fully developed and healthy sense of self-esteem. But that is not the case. I think the idea behind this is that positive feedback from others can help nurture one's self-esteem, not that what other people think should be the sole source of one's self-esteem.
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Plum-Pie
06/24/09

@CurtCole: The note says 'strong' and 'awesome' - are they external factors?
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CurtCole
06/24/09

@tallgirl-in-heels: Valid point. I always try to greet people with a genuine compliment. It seems to lighten their mood and brings a smile to both of our faces. It would be nice if everyone tried this.
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commieginge
06/24/09

@CurtCole: Ah, more shoulds and shouldn'ts...My friend used to get mad at me and tell me I was silly for caring what others thought, or for caring what I looked like. So then I felt bad about how I looked AND how I shouldn't feel bad but did so I was weak and stupid. Know what's fun? Being a girl! Woo!

Sorry, it's been a bad day. I actually agree with you, your wording just reminded me of how we manage to make everything a should or a shouldn't. "You SHOULDN'T care what others think." and "You SHOULD believe you are beautiful" are equally as demoralizing as "You SHOULD be more beautiful,"....No more shoulds! Lets just all talk about what IS, like the system IS shitty and we ARE fed a load of crap our whole lives...and then let us all feel about that how we choose.
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CurtCole
06/24/09

@Plum-Pie: ummm, the notes external, unless of course the woman ate it.
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rocknrollunicorn
06/24/09

@CurtCole: This might possibly exist outside the topic of self-esteem, but I think it's still important to care about what people like your family and friends think (assuming they are fair-minded and you trust their opinion), lest you become a raging narcissistic horror of a person or a grand delusionist.

On the flip side to this, I find that if I sometimes listen honestly to what people -- usually my sister and friends -- say about me, I find good things about myself that I never even considered.

I guess my point is that a focus on self-esteem can become navel-gazing and I think encouraging outside perspective is cool too.
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CurtCole
06/24/09

@commieginge: Yeah, I didn't mean to should all over anyone.
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rocknrollunicorn
06/24/09

@rocknrollunicorn: p.s. this is a reference to the pictured note's reference to the people in your life.
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CurtCole
06/24/09

@rocknrollunicorn: Yeah, I guess it comes down to waying the pros and cons about accepting what someone thinks about you. Still, psychologists usually regard self-esteem as an enduring personality characteristic, so I rather doubt what someone says about you is going to cause you to do a 180. (By you, I mean in general, not the awesomeness that is rocknrollunicorn)
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Plum-Pie
06/24/09

@CurtCole: OK, I read 'factors' as characteristics/qualities.
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CurtCole
06/24/09

@CurtCole: *weighing, ha.
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Pennyfeather
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
I'd rather it say something about how shitty it is that we're expected to worry about cellulite on top of make-up, clothes, perfumes, hair, shoes, etc. Getting a note telling me how pretty and smart I am from someone who never even met or saw me isn't particularly useful or flattering, as far as I can tell.

Spread the feminism, not the feel-good-ness. That will come later.
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RainbowBrite
06/24/09

@Pennyfeather: Agreed. First, I'm not obsessed with my cellulite, thanks. Secondly, how does this person know I'm smart or strong or creative?

Sorry to shit over this girl's project, but to me, these are just empty affirmations.
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Majrhoulihan
06/24/09

@RainbowBrite: Well, this girl's blog is pictures of every single thing she puts her mouth during the day.

I think she might be projecting.
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alibabathieves
06/25/09

@Pennyfeather: @Pennyfeather: i think it is about the feminism -- the reminder to snap out of it, because we all get into funks (or i do at least) and that is like a "snap out of it, woman! remember what really matters!" and its sweet and made me smile.
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RainbowBrite
06/25/09

@alibabathieves: I think if the note weren't so corny it'd be better. Instead of saying "you're smart, beautiful, a great person!" (because how would this person even know that), if it said something like, "Please. Nobody's ass looks like that without 2 hours of airbrushing. Stop worrying about it!" it'd be more effective.
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LadyFabulous
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
This reminds of me of people who put post-cards in the post-secret books at the book stores. The sentiment gives me the warm fuzzies.
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sassyredhead
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
Last public note I got was on my car window and said something about me being a lousy parker. Guess this would be better than that.
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gobblegirl
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
The note in the photo is kinda...mean.

It's saying "It's your fault you feel bad about your body. Start feeling bad about that, now, as well."

Wouldn't something like "You don't need this. You're beautiful as you are," be a lot more effective, and not so underminey?
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Penny
06/24/09

In reply to Personal Insecurities, Public Spaces
Very sweet, but these kinds of positive comments never really do much for me.
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gobblegirl
06/24/09

@Penny: It seems a lazy way to do it. Why not go up to someone and say "You look very pretty today"?

Instead, leaving a message that could be meant for anyone, so means much less?

(I'm sorry for being so down on this girl, with both of these comments...I'm sure her heart's in the right place.)
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lonewolfer
06/24/09

@Penny: Comments like an anonymous note or comments in general?
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Penny
06/24/09

@lonewolfer: I should clarify, affirmations. Of course a complimentary comment, about anything, is cool. I just can't really get into the "OMG you're so beautiful in every way deep down inside" stuff. It always feels forced and cheesy.

I fall more into the, "looks obviously matter, but it's more important to be a nice person and focus on more important things" school of thought.
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LBB
06/24/09

@gobblegirl: Because it's much harder to do that [and deal with a potential negative reaction directly to your face], or because there may not be an appropriate opportunity, or because the note-writer is an introvert who doesn't like talking to strangers, perhaps.

I think one of the upsides of the meant-for-anyone note left in a space like a restroom or dressing room or somewhere one wouldn't expect to see it is that when we're presented with a message in a place we wouldn't expect to find it, we may process it [and our own reaction to it] differently than otherwise.
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