Jezebel: no thanks

Condoleezza Rice Thinks You'll Thank George Bush Someday

hortense — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 18:10:00 EST

Tweaking the lines your parents used when they grounded you, Condoleezza Rice claims that life is not "a popularity contest," and that someday, people will "start to thank this president for what he's done."

Rice brushes off the historians who are currently ranking Bush as one of the worst Presidents in history by saying they "aren't very good historians," and goes on to insist that someday, we'll all be sorry that we were so hard on poor ol' unpopular W. "This isn't a popularity contest. I'm sorry, it isn't. What the administration is responsible to do is to make good choices about Americans' interests and values in the long run — not for today's headlines, but for history's judgment," Rice told CBS Sunday Morning's Rita Braver, "And I am quite certain that when the final chapters are written and it's clear that Saddam Hussein's Iraq is gone in favor of an Iraq that is favorable to the future of the Middle East; when the history is written of a U.S.-China relationship that is better than it's ever been; an India relationship that is deeper and better than it's ever been; a relationship with Brazil and other countries of the left of Latin America, better than it's ever been." Rice also denied that Americans are disliked by the rest of the world. I'm sure some "good" historians would disagree.

Rice: People Will Soon Thank Bush For What He's Done [CNN]
Condoleezza Rice: I'm Not A Type A [CBS]

How Many Louboutins Would Get You To Enlist In The Army?

Moe — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 17:40:44 EST

Another day, another story about the Army's ever-expanding signing bonuses. Enlist right now, and you can get $40,000 toward a home or starting a business! Maybe nobody told them the cool way to get paid these days is in Euros? "In marketing terms, the Army's core product — military service — is a tough sell right now," the recruitment effort's leader Col. Sterling, who is himself retiring from the Army next year, tells the Wall Street Journal, in a story that jokes that the new slogan should be "Buy All That You Can Buy." And boy is that an understatement — the four-star general who led us into the war on the first place is now BFFs with Pelosi! So naturally, there's a lot of discussion of whether appealing to consumerism and greed is the best way to find the right soldiers, because after all isn't that how Blackwater happened, and also, how Real World contestants became so awful. But here's the amazing part: the younger generation is apparently not money-motivated enough to respond, so the Army is trying to convince parents and teachers to make them so.

Anyway, the whole story reminded me of commenter Vivriesavie17's depressing tale of working in the Philadelphia public school system, and how although we've always thought that unless teachers make shitloads more money the Army is going to be a lot of kids' brightest hopes, but money alone is not going to cut it; never has and never will. Seriously, is there an amount of money that would get you to go to Iraq? What about a North Philly public school? Tell us what it is, and we'll, uh, write our senators about it?

Holidays Got You Down? Be Thankful You're Not Breaking Bread With Brangelina!

Moe — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 11:30:00 EST

It's that time of year, so let's give thanks to Bonnie Fuller. She's the editorial genius who brought us Us Weekly in its current incarnation and now brings us Star. Without her, we would arguably have no a menagerie of well-styled, wealthy people with flexible workweeks to pointlessly follow in the pages of US and Star. Why'd she bestow upon America this "gift" in the first place? We'd always figured, you know, "money." But last week she wrote about how the relentless coverage of Britney and Angelina's questionable parenting choices actually serves a useful societal purpose: it makes merely neglectful parents feel a lot better! And just in time for the holidays, she offers this salve to people who merely loathe getting together with your families: At least you're not Brangelina!

All the perks of stardom and $100 million in the bank can do nothing to diminish the fact that he'll be the man in the middle between Angelina Jolie and his mom, Jane Pitt, at the dinner table this Thursday. And if you believe some of the reports — and I do — there is no love lost between these two ladies, to say the least.

And yeah, she hyperlinks there. To her own magazine's story. It's almost as if, you know, she's the Times editorial page writer commenting on a story on immigration reform, only this is the Huffington Post website we're on, because the Huffington Post is highbrow like that.

According to our sources at Star magazine, Brad is the one who is insisting that his better half, their four kids and their entourage private-jet into his hometown of Springfield, Missouri to break bread with his parents and the rest of his family. And Angie can't be thrilled about it.

It gets better!

I'm sure Angelina got quite the earful from Brad's mom after she confessed to British Cosmopolitan that she took a wild trip to Disneyland while high on LSD. "I've done just about every drug possible. Coke, heroin, ecstasy, everything," Angelina admitted to the mag. Clearly, she wasn't thinking about how her words were going to play back in Missouri when she gave the interview.

Dear future mother-in-law: I have done just about every drug possible too, but it's not a big deal because I would rather just get drunk. Which is one of the reasons "heroin" is not on that list. Also, I am lazy. Who knows how to get heroin? No one I know. Anyway, don't worry, it's okay to fall off the wagon a few times during pregnancy, which is good because your grandchildren are fucked enough just getting my DNA.

Then again, think of it from Jane Pitt's perspective. How do she and her husband Bill, perfectly normal non-Hollywood people, explain that kind of confession to their hometown friends? How do they deal with a "daughter-in-law" who's also admitted that she used to like to cut herself, wear the blood of her last husband around her neck and boasted publicly about the unbelievable sex life she had with that last husband? It would be a wonder if Jane didn't have agita.

Okay, anyway, Bonnie, your ability to distract the masses from the widening income gap/obscene and wasteful wealth of the superrich by tapping into the country's deep well of provincialism/xenophobia suggests you should just join forces with Karl Rove and take over the country already.

And boyyyyy, would our holiday time dinner conversations be fun then!

Home For Thanksgiving! [Huffington Post]