It's quite a day when one gets not one but two interviews with Bai Ling, who's promoting Crank: High Voltage. Because Ling is one of these stars who doesn't disappoint, ever. Ling, known for sartorial impunity, red carpet ubiquity, Playboy spreads, a shoplifting accusation and a general oeuvre of "antics," is as committed to the cult of her own absurdity as are we, and it's a solid partnership. It must be said, she doesn't dish about Mickey Rourke (or at any rate she's so vague that it's hard to tell what she's talking about) and sometimes it's hard to tell what's not taking herself seriously and what...is. But we kinda like having to guess for a change.

On the subject of her notorious fashion choices ("I had a stylist in the beginning, and I fired him because I really don't need it), she explains she's impervious to criticism because "I don't read anything. I'm not good on the computer." Her more exhibitionist tendencies, and the questionable decision to sport "band aids of truth" she attributes to "Eight Little Spirits in Miniskirts." Quoth she,

They're sitting on your hair, on your shoulder, on your nails. I'm like their peacemaker, because they don't like each other. I have a panda, a chicken, a dolphin … I have a monkey … All in miniskirts

Of her work, Ling, who also writes the blog Naked Seduction, declares, "I deserve so much more than the roles I get offered now. I'm one of the best actresses. One day I will win an Oscar. I'm already winning it. I just have to find the platform to show it." Karl Lagerfeld, in his oblique way, either agrees or disagrees; either way, she says the Kaiser likened her to "a female Andy Warhol. I'm kind of advanced in a way, and free."

As to the upcoming Nipples, which Harper-Collins is apparently releasing later this year, Ling "explains" it thusly:

It's a point of view of how I see the world. Like, I'm wearing purple and pink, you're wearing blue; maybe I'm wearing red, you're wearing yellow. Our eyes are limited. There are a lot of beautiful, magical things in the universe we don't see, but I see. Sometimes on my balcony I sit for the whole afternoon, watching the sun cast through the trees. Sometimes I see a butterfly there, a chair, a boat. But those are a high form of spirit giving art. They are there for its own existence. But only you have the sensitive heart and soul to recognize and enjoy that moment, but 10 minutes past when the sun moves a little bit, they're gone. The book is about my perspective - very erotic, very intimate. I share a lot of relationships that I had with different gentlemen - very intimate, very advanced, very crazy and very bold in a modern way. I wrote it in 40 days without even thinking; the book is there and I'm just here to reveal it.

Needless to say, we will read it, and not ironically! Because Bai Ling is that rare thing, a unique Hollywood creature, blissfully untamed by the sound byte or the publicist's statement. What's more, she seems to take her role as free spirit and artistic innovator seriously - "It's not only an intelligent woman who's not sexy. Or a sexy woman with no brain. You can embrace both sides. That's what I'm encouraging others to find in themselves" - even if the rest of the world doesn't. An exhibitionist? Well, yeah. But as long as they have senses off humor, that's something we've always got room for.

Five Questions For Bai Ling [SF Gate]
Bai Ling: 'One Day I Will Win an Oscar' [Movieline]

• Video of Madonna falling yesterday during a concert in Brazil. She played it off, did a yoga stretch, then proceeded to French kiss a dancer dressed in Like-A-Virgin-duds, so everything's cool. [The Life Files, PopSugar]

• By the by, it looks like Guy Ritchie is getting around $76 to $92 million from Madonna in the divorce settlement. No wonder he's been looking so giddy lately! [AP]
• Her rep says Michelle Williams will not be accepting awards for Heath Ledger if/when he gets any at the Golden Globes or beyond. TMZ]
• For some reason, Brooks Brothers wants you to know that yes, they make the tie that is touching Jennifer Aniston's breasts on the cover of GQ. They announced this news with an email which read, "BROOKS BROTHERS 'TIES UP' JENNIFER ANISTION ON THE COVER OF JANUARY 2009 GQ." How S&M! [Jezebel Inbox]
• Twilight author Stephanie Meyer promises that despite a new director, the next movie, New Moon will be "as close to the book as possible." So… bad, then? [E!]
• The good news is Rachael Ray might not have to get vocal surgery; the bad news is that means that she can keep chatting away. Does anyone else find her voice grating? [People]
• Whoopi Goldberg will star in Stream, a sci-fi miniseries on FearNet the web and on demand. She'll play a haunted woman who resides in a psychiatric facility, but because of a drug she took as a teenager, experiences various stages of her life past and present at the same time. Isn't this called Alzheimer's? [MediaWeek]
• Mott's first ads in more than a decade will use Marcia Cross to shill applesauce and tap into the Desperate Housewife demo. Uh, sexy? [BrandWeek]
• Sam Mendes talks about what it was like to direct his wife, Kate Winslet, in Revolutionary Road: "I would open my eyes in the morning and there Kate would be, going, 'Great! You’re awake! Now let’s talk about the second scene.' She loves to bring home work. She wants to talk about literally every full stop and comma, and so I realized that for 24 hours a day I had to basically treat her like my leading actress." [W]
• Filmmaker Dino De Laurentis thought Meryl Streep was "too ugly" to be in the 1976 flick King Kong, and said so, in front of her, in Italian. Little did he know that Streep had been studying the language. "When I replied in Italian," she says, "he looked like he had been shot." In any case, role went to Jessica Lange. Oh, and this paper's headline makes it seem like Streep was too fug to play King Kong, which is just mean. [Daily Express]
• Brody Jenner says he and the contestants on his new MTV reality show Bromance actually cry: "I did this whole sit-down with these guys, which we called Broprah," Jenner says. "I was sitting around and would say, 'OK, now tell me about...' and then all of a sudden it got to be like, 'Whoa!' We're uncovering some deep stuff. These big, grown guys are sitting around crying over being friends with a dude." Give the kid a fucking medal. [E!]
• Russell Crowe will no longer pour cash into the rugby team he owns, because it's time for "the business to stand on its own." [League HQ]
• This was in last week's Midweek Madness, but here it is again: Jennifer Aniston loves Pokies, the plastic nipples you slide into your bra. A source claims: "They really make the most of her assets when she's wearing a tight top." Eyeroll. [Star]
• Melrose Place and One Tree Hill on the CW? Snooze. [E!]
• Talk about assy: Marlon Brando and Robert Duvall used to moon people on the set of The Godfather. [Daily Express]
• Remember when Julia Ormond was going to be the Next Big Thing? She's back, after 10 years. "I needed breathing space," she says. [NY Mag]
• "The best gift to give is one where you actually listen to the person's desires and you think of them months before any kind of gift is actually needed—that's the best kind of gift there is: a thoughtful one. My favorite gift I've received is my dog—a chocolate lab named Esmerelda." — Anne Hathaway. [Elle.com]
• "We live in more of a pussy generation now, where everybody's become used to saying, 'Well, how do we handle it psychologically?' In those days, you just punched the bully back and duked it out. Even if the guy was older and could push you around, at least you were respected for fighting back, and you'd be left alone from then on." — Clint Eastwood. [Esquire]

Untitled from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

Earlier: "Contour" Bras: Holding Us Up, Or Holding Us Back?

'I always try and push them, because it gives a better lift and you don't see the nipples peeking through,' said Heather, a young lingerie saleswomen in mod makeup, a black mini-dress and furry boots who was working at Saks Fifth Avenue's lingerie department the other day, holding a hanger with two silky but sturdy cups dangling from straps.

Her colleague, Carolina, concurred: 'A lot of women have problems with their'—and here her voice dropped to a whisper—'nipples showing.'

Not that I would know what that's like: I work at this job all day in a muumuu and no bra, and my previous job was in an all-female environment. So I guess I've been afforded the luxury of actually liking my nipples, or at least, not feeling the need to hid them.

Recently, I bought one of those "T-shirt" bras from The Gap for an event I had to go to. It was my only option, since it was all they had (and since I've completely given up on Victoria's Secret). Problem was, my tits kept falling out of it. And it's not like I bought the wrong size. My boobs just do not want to conform to that cup shape, and they particularly are adverse to being pushed together, as they seem to be sticking to this whole divide-and-conquer theme.

A bra I bought at Agent Provocateur however, was not only cute, it was devoid of annoying padding, with a layer of thin, comfortable fabric that actually let my nipples be, you know, nipples. But that shit cost me like a bajillion dollars. (Real price: $160). I guess what it comes down to is that nowadays, you have to pay an obscene amount of money to look "obscene."

Pad Girls! Attack of the 21st-Century Falsies [NY Observer]

• "If I could just do one thing for 24 hours it would be [have sex] . . . or sew. Or have sex while sewing. Or sew an outfit to have sex in." So says singer Beth Ditto, which is why the plus-sized Ditto is now collaborating with New Look to become the most unlikely (and kinda awesome!) celebrity clothing endorser yet. [The Sun]
  
• Charlotte Ronson, whose name sounds familiar because she's Lindsay Lohan enabler Samantha Ronson's twin sister, is once again slated for a role in the forthcoming Soapnet reality show The Fashionista Diaries, which will chronicle the ins and outs of the week leading up to New York Fashion Week. If there's a God, Lindsay will be off the wagon by then. [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• "Fashion's over," declares the legendary Hubert de Givenchy. Now what are we supposed to write about? Oh yeah, celebutard nipple slips! [WWD, sub req'd]

• Roberto Cavalli is in Paris — not to show couture, but to preview his H&M line to magazine editors. Oh please please please someone report back re garishness, degree of in this line! [WWD, 1st item]
• After having posed for Italian Vogue , Gavin Rossdale's love child, 18-year old Daisy Lowe, is rumored to be assuming Kate Moss's soon-to-be-empty knickers as the face of Agent Provocateur. We assume this means that Rossdales's missus, Gwen Stefani, will not be wearing the line anytime soon. [Sky Showbiz]
• Too many fashion events, too little time: The 10-year anniversary of Gianni Versace's death is keeping Bottega Veneta away from its slotted showtime as the closing show for the first-ever Berlin Fashion week. [Vogue UK]
• Anime movies! Spectator shoes! An entire Rem Koolhaas exhibit around her skirts! So what's up next for renaissance fashion-quirkstress Miuccia Prada? Designing a bar in London with whimsical Belgian sculptor Carsten Holler, naturally. [WWD, 1st item]
• Fashion hungry private equity firm Permira hopes to buy out all remaining shares of Valentino through the Italian stock market's regulatory system for an estimated $3.52 billion. Which is probably only a slightly greater figure than the price of a couture Valentino wardrobe. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Since leaving his design perch at Dior Homme, Hedi Slimane has taken to designing... furniture? [WWD, 3rd item]