Jennifer Lopez, in L.A., shows off the night's dress-code: tight, shiny and black.


Kesha, in London, is either sullen or really taking the occasion seriously. I'm going with sullen.


Everyone did some homage to MJ: Judith Hill's, in L.A., was one of the more literal. And it always works!


Mel B, in London, was all class.


Rosie Perez stands up to NYC's rainy chill with a power jacket.


Sherri Shepherd took a...cozier approach.


Monique Coleman rocked a popular L.A. choice: skintight leather.


Julianne Hough shows off another: the corset.


Nikki Blonsky, in NYC, matches her bag to her belt. Somewhere, both Michael and my grandma are smiling.


Paris Hilton, in L.A. of course, seems to have confused "Michael Jackson circa '92" with "Liz Hurley circa '92."


London.


Kind of love that, now that everyone else is in leather, Katy Perry does demure, deco-inflected lace!


Paula Abdul, in L.A., is a lone spot of color.


Vivica A. Fox, in L.A., treats the event with respect. The sexy kind.


Not sure what aspect of MJ's oeuvre Rosanna Arquette, in L.A., is referencing...


Or, for that matter, NYC's Carol Alt.


The brothers Jackson, in L.A.

[Images via Getty]

• Lindsay and Sam fought in the D.J. booth at a party on Friday, but made up later in the ladies' room. Supposedly Sam won't leave Linds because "she doesn't have a career without her."

Also, Lindsay made a big show of drinking only Red Bull, but after she left a stash of liquor was found under her table. At another party later that evening sources say Lindsay hid a bottle of Patron under the table. The next morning, Lindsay threw a fit when Delta couldn't find her a first-class seat on an already overbooked flight. Passengers laughed at her when she stomped her feet and said to a friend, "you'd better come and visit me back there in case I die." [Fox News]

• Britney and K-Fed are fighting over an arrangement that would let her take the kids with her on tour, and sources say she'll cancel the tour if they can't work it out. One plan involves Britney paying Kevin more than $4,000 each week she's on tour for reasons unknown. [TMZ]
• Even Miss Cleo couldn't have predicted this: Vivica A. Fox is the new spokesperson for the Psychic Friends Network. [The Life Files]
• Heidi Klum successfully sued an unemployed German butcher because he used a photo of her he found on the Internet in an ad for a local dance. A German socialite and actress, Jenny Elvers Elbertzhagen, stepped in and paid the $2,800 fine for the butcher, who said, "It is nice to think that not all people in the world are like Heidi Klum." [The Daily Mail]
• Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have apologized for posting a video online complaining about their neighbor's early morning construction work. They blame the incident on their addiction to Twitter. [The Sun]
• But Demi and Ashton still aren't as addicted as Erykah Badu and her partner Jay Electronica, who twittered the birth of their daughter yesterday. [NY Magazine]
• Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams are back on, and he's posted pictures on his blog to prove it. [Perez Hilton]
• Though Kate Moss performed with Pete Doherty's band Babyshambles while they were together, she won't be playing with current boyfriend Jaime Hince's band The Kills. Bandmate Alison Mosshart says that Kate performing with them would be 'totally inappropriate'. [The Daily Mail]
• A-Rod's divorce from his wife Cynthia was finalized on January 12, so he's now free to date whomever he pleases. Not that being married ever stopped him. [TMZ]
• What do Bon Jovi, Shaquille O'Neal, Carl Sagan, and F. Scott Fitzgerald have in common? They were inducted into the New Jersey Hall of Fame today. [AP]
• Emma Roberts is in two indie movies premiering at Sundance, and she hopes Hotel For Dogs will mark the end of her kiddie movie days. But in case that doesn't work out, she's applied to college and wants to major in "creative writing or novel writing." [Movie Hole]
• Does Zooey Deschanel bring bad luck to magazines? She was on the cover of the last issue of Jane and the next to last issue of Domino. [NY Magaine]
• Scott Ruffalo, Mark Ruffalo's younger brother, had trace amounts of cocaine, morphine, and alcohol in his system when he died, but he was not under the influence of drugs when he was shot. Coroners still say his death was a homicide. [People]
• Nikki Blonsky says the airport brawl her family was involved in six months ago with America's Next Top Model contestant Bianca Golden just brought her family closer together. "I don’t even need to defend myself. It’s pretty obvious that it was just a big scam," she says. [People]
• Lil' Kim has been complaining about how she's portrayed in the Biggie biopic Notorious and now Biggie's mom, Voletta Wallace, says the casting was "too dark" for her because Kim is "a white woman trapped in a black woman's body." She added that Kim should "go find herself, go drink a cup of green tea and get a life!" [Perez Hiton]
• "I wasted so many years thinking I wasn't pretty enough and why didn't I have Jessica Lange's body or someone else's legs? What a waste of time. Now I'm enjoying the tatters of what's left and I'm very happy. Part of it is having beautiful strong daughters and hearing them whine about what's wrong with them. I'm like, 'Shut up! You're lovely!'" — Meryl Streep. [The Telegraph]

• Good Morning, you have new president. His name is Barack Obama. No, he cannot start today. But soon. And he says: "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy… tonight is your answer." [People]
• Oprah on Barack Obama's win: "It's one of the greatest moments I could ever even imagine. That's how great it is." [ET]
• Courteney Cox and David Arquette hosted a Barack Obama victory party at their house in Beverly Hills. Jennifer Aniston, Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher were in attendance; champagne was had. Meanwhile, in Chicago, Brad Pitt and Oprah Winfrey watched Obama's speech live. Also psyched: George Clooney and Usher. [E!]
• George Clooney: "I congratulate President-elect Obama on his historic victory, and now it's time to begin unifying the country so we can take on the extraordinary challenges that this generation faces." [ET]
• Oprah again: "This is democracy at its finest." [ET]
• In other news, Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with twins. Supposedly. More in Midweek Madness. [Star]

• Britney Spears is on the cover of Australian Cosmopolitan, and they used a photograph tat is five years old. She looks good, though. [TMZ]
• Nikki Blonsky will guest star on Ugly Betty as an assistant from a rival magazine. Will there be an airport-style kerfluffle? [E!]
• Perez Hilton got served! With legal papers: Liz Silver, who runs the Web site PerezRevenge.com, is accusing him of plagiarism and copyright infringement. She had a friend crash his Halloween party and hand him papers. [Page Six]
• Blind items! 1. "Which aggressive TV, stage and movie actor has a shady past? Rumor is he sexually assaulted a girl while in high school and his family had the situation 'swept under the rug.' 2. "Which screen god isn't as happy as he and his paramour would like the world to think? Whenever the couple and their children are in LA, he 'goes to a bar in a Beverly Hills hotel and drinks for hours before going home." 3. "Which oft-photographed socialite/designer is losing her grip on the fashion world? Luxury brands no longer send her clothing and accessories and don't want her in their ad campaigns." [Page Six]
• Holly Madison is "depressed" about calling it quits with Hugh Hefner, but basically, she claims, "I got too old for Hef." Yeah, that's right: She's 28 and too old for the original Playboy. She now sleeps in a guest room. "I still work for him. We're still best friends. I still call and check in on him almost everyday." [Newser via Extra]
• More from Holly: "It might be refreshing to date someone who is not high maintenance. Sorry, Hef, you know you're high maintenance. I love you but you know you're high maintenance." [Perez Hilton]
• The rest of Janet Jackson's tour: Officially canceled. They say scheduling conflicts. Could it also be vertigo? Or crappy ticket sales? [Perez Hilton]
• Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty are both off of NME's "Cool List" this year. Drugs and jail are bad for your career, kids! [The Sun]
• CNN's Christiane Amanpour may finally get her own show. It's about time! [Page Six]
• A top Hollywood agent — who repped Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Aniston and Matthew McConaughey — insulted his clients, stole gifts sent to them, and discussed their private parts, a lawsuit alleges. [Page Six]
• Angelina Jolie explains War and Peace in her household: "We don't take war and violence lightly, but we don't hide it from anybody. Listen, my kids play video games. I let them play with toy soldiers. We say, 'Mommy and Daddy have movies where we play these characters, but there's real death and real violence in the world. There's a real responsibility there to create in their minds the difference between the two." Also, when Mommy visits Afghanistan, she wears a flak jacket. [People]
• Anne Hathaway's new man is an actor named Adam Shulman. He's cute. [Perez Hilton]
• The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) is not happy about when Nelson's use of "that's so gay" in a scene with Milhouse on The Simpsons. [TMZ, E!]
• 50 Cent's new TV show, 50 Cent: The Money and the Power, airs tomorrow on MTV. Fourteen "wannabe moguls" compete to earn a $100,000 investment from the rapper by doing challenges like walking through Brooklyn chained together. No, really. There's a clip. [People]
• Christina Aguilera's new TV commercial for Target has a comic-book feel, meaning she wears a red jumpsuit and a cape. At least she seems to know who Roy Lichtenstein is. (There's video of her talking about the spot.) [People]
• Don't tell anyone, but Keanu Reeves is a secret genius. He reads Proust and stuff. Shh! [Newser via Details]
• Cammy Diaz: Seen smoking like a fiend and being rude at Drew Barrymore's Halloween party. [Page Six]
• Charlie Sheen left his pregnant wife at home to go party at get lap dances in Las Vegas because he is Charlie Sheen. [Star]
• Guy Ritchie has hired a top family lawyer to handle his custody battle with Madonna. She's already got a top divorce lawyer. Ever heard the joke about he little girl at the cemetery? She asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" Her mom said, "Of course not, Why would you think that?" And the girl answered: "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'" [Daily Mail]
• Guy Ritchie went out for drinks and now the Brit tabs are calling him "Tipsy Ritchie." [The Sun]
• Tina Fey's Emmys and SNL appearances may be translating into more 30 Rock viewers. She deserves it! [AP]
• Hindu leaders are not amused by Heidi Klum's Kali Halloween costume. [Best Week Ever]
• Katie Holmes and Rebecca Gayheart were friends 16 years ago, way before Katie met Tom Cruise. According to Roger Friedman, after Katie met Tom, "Gayheart, like most of Holmes’s friends, never saw her or heard from her again." But now Gayheart's in a Broadway play right around the corner from All My Sons. Will they reunite? [Fox 411]
• Have mercy: Janice Dickinson was on some afternoon court TV show, being sued by one of her former models. Judge Christina (???) listened to her crazy-ass defense are ruled in her favor. [ONTD]
• Sharon Osbourne on Simon Cowell's break-up: "He deserves it. He's a t****r, that's the truth." Hmm, what's that word there? Tosser? Anyone? [Mirror]
• Simon Cowell gave Terri Seymour $5 million cash and another $4.6 to buy a Beverly Hills home as a parting gift. Simon, break up with me next! [MSNBC]
• Oh, and Simon says: "Don't worry about me - I don't need a lonely hearts ad. I'm off women now." [Mirror]
• Daniel Craig in a Bollywood film? "I am open to offers from India… Till now I haven't been fortunate enough to get hold of an Indian movie. But yes, I will be very honoured and excited to work with an Indian actor or actress on any given chance. I also feel very obliged for the immense popularity which I enjoy in this part of the world." [ONTD]
• Katie "Jordan" Price was named Britain's Best-Loved Celebrity Mum because "she's not perfect." [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley's husband likes it when she dresses like a tart. "Like the vast majority of men, Arun likes short, tight, sexy dresses." Here's the good news: So does Liz. [The Sun]
• Expect to see a lot of Jennifer Hudson headlines like this (this isn't the first one): "Hudson Begged Mother To Move Out Of Neighborhood." [Daily Express]
• Denis Leary is the voice of Ford Trucks. Don't worry, he makes no mention of autism in the commercials. [Business Week]
• Singer Duffy accidentally set her hair on fire in her dressing room in Cleveland. Candles are soothing yet dangerous! [ONTD]
• Matthew Broderick quotes Ferris Bueller in this prObama video. [Newser via HuffPo]
• Carrie Underwood won't tell you who she voted for, so stop asking. [People]
• Cindy McCain "has this evil queen beauty about her," quoth Project Runway's Austin Scarlett, whilst seen voting in New York. [NY Observer]
• Apropos of nothing: "Mariah Carey's Top 10 Maddest Moments." [Mirror]
• Audrina of The Hills moved out but LC was cool with it blahblahblah JustinBobby blahblahblah. [People]
• Corrie Loftin of Paris Hilton's My New BFF was once ins a Girls Gone Wild video. And hanging out with Paris is different… how? [E!]
• "Sporty Spice," Mel C says: "I know there’s been a lot of things written recently saying I’m getting married and they’ve said the date and the church and that Victoria’s organizing it, but, no, we’ve got no plans." Seems she wants to have the baby first. [The Sun]
• Did Ivana Trump's young Italian husband cheat on her with a hot Italian model? "Nothing sexual happened. That I know for sure," she writes in Page Six Magazine. "I'm not going to make any other comment until I speak to him." Good idea! [Page Six]
• Selena Gomez, 16-year-old budding Disney star, was asked if she reads tabloids: "Recently, I have not. I'm actually very, very proud of myself. Honestly, the blog sites and everything — I'd be on them nonstop. I've gone four weeks total without looking at them and I'm very proud and very happy. I was addicted. It was bad." [LA Times]
• Courtenay Semel's dad, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, has cut her off. What's a girl to do? A reality show, obvs. [Page Six]
• For the last time: Joe The Plumber did not hook up with any SNL cast member. [Politico]
• Simply Red's Mick Hucknall, yes, that's right, Mick Hucknall, paid £29,000 for a pair of David Beckham's football cleats in 2002 and they seem to have lost about £25,000 in value since then. Surely he's wishing he really could be holding back the years. [Mirror]
• Reading about Bianca Jagger being in an argument over a €200,000 ring she lost in Salzburg earlier this year is like reading about a goblin surfing on Mars: Sounds interesting, but I just can't relate. [Yahoo News]
• Very cool, worth-your-while profile of Diahann Carroll. She says: "Dynasty was rather marvellous, you know. It was all about the clothes. The most important thing about the day was wardrobe, and of course I explained to Aaron [Spelling] I didn't want to be on the show unless I could be bitchy." She also says: "I lost two children [to miscarriage]. That's why when we talk about racism it will always take third, fourth, fifth place to some of the other things that have happened to me that are much more meaningful than being in a room with an idiot who is going to judge the color of my skin." [Guardian]
• "Having a love is a gigantic bonus in life, but I wasn't unhappy when I was single, either. (John)'s just fun, so much fun. I'm very happy now." Bo Derek, who's living with John Corbett, aka Aidan from Sex And The City. [The Sun]
• "I enjoyed being Mayor of Carmel, but you do see that it is very difficult to get things done. You just have to lose your soul. You have to bullshit people. You have to deal with people you don't care for and will never be friends with, so you kind of sell yourself out to be a politician. You have to kiss it up with the world. That ain't my style." — Clint Eastwood. [Daily Express]
• "I'd always fall for guys I wanted to save. For the first time, I fell in love with someone who saved me." — Jessica Simpson on Tony Romo. [People]
• "I would rather be sexy like Simone Signoret or Anna Magnani than like - oy, vey - Paris Hilton" - Erica Jong to More. [Page Six]
• "Barack Obama's treated like the Messiah in England. We don't have particularly inspirational politicians, certainly no one who can draw crowds in the thousands." — Daniel Radcliffe. [Page Six]
• "I think every black kid will tomorrow will be one inch taller when he goes to school. And I think everyone will be energized. And a lot of people who had given up hope in the last seven eight years are hopeful." — Richard Belzer. [Observer]

• Less than a month until the election, folks, and it's getting really ugly.
• John McCain sounding like a total loon during the debates, calling Obama "That One": ugly.
• Illogical republican strategists yelling at Newsweek for putting a (gasp!) un-retouched photo of Sarah Palin on the cover: ugly!
• Nikki Blonsky kicking Bianca Golden's mom in the vagina at an airport: ugly!
• At least we have the unarguably awesome Sarah Vowell and Donna Brazile to guide us through the ugliness.
• Though they can't really fix the ugly in this mess of the economy... or this Free People catalog.

• Questions about pelvic exams? We're at your cervix.
• Speaking of pelvic exploration, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist has an endearing and accurate depiction of teen sex.
• Thank jebus it's the weekend. So kick back with a career romance like the young modern you are, and have a fantastic 48 hours with Hortense!

Related: Nikki Blonsky: Airport Brawl With Top Model Left Me Completely Destroyed

• So you know how Gerard Butler kicked a paparazzi's ass yesterday? He was definitely provoked. After Gerard allegedly got out of the limo and punched the dude in the face, the photog continued following Butler for more than an hour before going to the hospital. Plus, he called a lawyer before calling the cops. [TMZ]
• Oooh! Anna Wintour has a crush on Gerard Butler! Get in line, lady. Or put him on the cover of Vogue! [Page Six]
• Did you notice how Brad and Angelina stopped in New Orleans before heading back to France? Totally on purpose! An insider says: "Brad wanted to check on the progress of the houses being built in the Ninth Ward." And someone else says: "With just a handful of weeks before the presidential election, they wanted to subtly remind everyone that New Orleans is still in recovery mode." [E!]
• Um, Angelina is in a new glossy version of The Bible. [Drudge Retort]

• Britney's lawyer would not take a plea deal for her driving-without-a-license case. He wants a $10 fine. "We don't want a misdemeanor," he says. "This should be an infraction. No probation." So! There will be a trial on October 15. [E!]
• As for Jamie Lynn, as previously reported, even though the Enquirer says she is knocked up again, other sources say she is not pregnant. Phew. [Perez Hilton, TMZ]
• Oh yeah, and what's up with OK! saying that Jamie Lynn's baby daddy Casey never cheated on JLS, when In Touch had an exclusive interview with the other woman? Both mags stand by their stories. [MSNBC]
• Zac Efron was attacked by a a middle-aged man thought to be a deranged fan in London. The dude ran up to Zac and girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens and tried to grab Zac's hair. Apparently he wouldn't let go of the teen heartthrob and had to be tackled by a bodyguard. [Mirror
• Michael Phelps went to a party where ladies surrounded him and screamed, "Fish man! Fish man!" [Page Six]
• Wait, what's this? Michael Phelps has a girlfriend? Miss California runner-up Nicole Johnson? [Rush & Molloy]
• Nicole Richie and little Harlow are on the cover of People this week! [People]
• Diddy is pissed that John McCain called Barack Obama "that one." [Radar]
• On October 14, there will be a benefit concert thrown by DJ AM's friends — with performances from celebrity DJs, including Mark Ronson, Steve Aoki, Danny Masterson and Mixmaster Mike. Proceeds will go to the memorial funds established for crash victims. [People]
• Former America's Next Top Model competitors will now be on Modelville, a reality show within Tyra's talk show. Very meta. [E!]
• Joe Jonas and Taylor Swift have broken up. You know who they are, right? [Us Magazine]
• Hugh Hefner talks about his split with Holly Madison: "If Holly says it's over, I guess it's over. She's still here in the house. Until a few days ago, we were still sharing the same bed." He also says: "It's now apparent there will be some new faces in my personal life and on the show. There's been moments that I've been down in the dumps about all this… [But] there are girls lined up outside the front gate. At my age, that's hard to believe, but it seems to be true." He added: "It's a big house. And I'm not going to live alone. I'm definitely not going to live alone." [AP]
• Nikki Blonsky says that airport brawl with ANTM's Bianca left her "completely destroyed" and she lives "every day in pain." She and her father face assault charges. [People]
• Audrina was on Ellen's show and talked all about LC and Justin Bobby! Lauren and Justin flirted in the past; Audrina has tried to call LC but LC hangs up on her; and Audrina hasn't spoken to Justin Bobby. So basically nothing was confirmed. [Perez Hilton]
• Courteney Cox looks like a dazed zombie on the cover of the new Marie Claire. [ONTD]
• Michael Jackson took his kids to a comic book store in L.A. and they wore masks, prompting this paper to print the headline: "It's ALWAYS Halloween In Michael Jackson's Family." But the unmasked pix are cute! Blanket is getting so big. Here's a question: Do you really think MJ is the father of those kids? [The Sun]
• Oprah is leading an Obama fund-raising weekend in Chicago. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Jason Priestley returning to 90210? Ah, to direct. Hmm. [People]
• Ricky Gervais has built a gym at his New York apartment — because he is too embarrassed to work out in public. [The Sun
• Katy Perry's mom dated Jimi Hendrix? And her dad was an LSD dealer, good friends with Timothy Leary? [The Sun]
• Hannah Montana is hazardous to your health: Some jewelry with the Disney star on it was found to have high levels of lead. [Perez Hilton]
• Lil' Kim is being sued for $2.5 million by a recording company, which says the rapper hasn't delivered all the recordings their contract requires. [USA Today]
• Rachael Ray wants to open a burger joint in New York. "I'm going for a '60s back-in-the-day Rat Pack-y kind of hangout, and I want the bar to be really central [and] the burgers to become a very social thing. I want people to come to the bar to see beautiful proper martinis being made and to enjoy some sliders." So. Hungry. [Gothamist]
• TV chef Jamie Oliver didn't want to kiss girls at his book signings for fear of communicable disease: I said, 'Look, you know, I'm very loyal to my wife and if I have to keep kissing these birds, right, it's only a numbers game before I get herpes. And once you've got it ... it never goes. And I'll be growing flapjack on me lip.'" [Daily Star]
• Paul McCartney is calling on his fans to boycott McDonald's after finding out his picture is in a Mickey Ds in Liverpool. He's been a vegetarian for decades. [Nikki Sixx, who is dating Kat Von D, says, in the beginning, when they first started seeing each other, "When I tried to kiss her she karate chopped me. She's a fiery one." [People]
• American Idolcontestant Kelli Pickler battled a year-long depression and anti-depressants made her "crazy." [People]
• LOL: Boogie Nights, the musical. [The Star]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: Katie Price, the "glamour model" known as Jordan, and her husband Peter Andre are moving to Hollywood in January. They have three kids: Harvey, 6, who is blind; Junior Savva Andreas Andre, 3, and one year old Princess Tiáamii Crystal Esther Andre. [Perez Hilton]
• Ozzy Osbourne's show on Fox will be "half scripted," so the Writers Guild of America is issuing a warning to writers about that. [NY Times]
• Following Peter Cook's interview with Barbara Walters, Christie Brinkley says: "It is a measure of [his] character that he has breached the confidentiality agreement that is in the divorce settlement and has sought to present this distorted one-side view of his marriage." Word. [ABC News]
• Here's a picture from Howard Stern's wedding, if you care. [People]
• Who shot the sheriff? Eric Clapton is auctioning 13 of his shotguns. [The Sun]
• Anna Deveare Smith will premiere a new solo piece in November, inspired by Arizona State University's law school, named for retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor - the first U.S. law school to be named for a woman. [Yahoo News]
• "All men have thought about her at least once in their lives. The great thing about Judi Dench is that she's the matriarch of British film. She has an innate power about her ... Bond needs a woman like M to contain his nonsense and say, 'Look, 007, you've been an idiot!' But they won't sleep together. Not unless the cupboard gets very bare in terms of storylines." — Daniel Craig. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "[The Beatles] were young capitalists who, far from developing a youth culture, were exploiting youth culture by promoting fan worship, mindless screaming and nothing more than a passive teenage consumer." — Historian David Fowler. [Guardian]
• "Last night i went to see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and it was so cute! I think the entire cast is so much fun to watch, and the storyline is great. I'm a big fan of Kat Dennings and Michael Cera. It would be nice to give them some support! Seeing movies like this is such a good feeling. It also shows you how important movies are in life – you can be in a horrible mood, and most of the time a movie that makes you laugh and enjoy life can change your mood by the time you walk out of the theatre." — Lindsay Lohan. [People]
• "Most heterosexual men do not find Renée Zellweger attractive. It’s true. Nice girl, and I have met Renée. She is the kind of girl who bakes really good muffins, you go out to dinner with her, but that’s it." — Denis Leary. [Vanity Fair]
• "What Jay and I have is real. It's not about interviews or getting the right photo op. It's real." — Beyoncé, sorta talking about her wedding in Essence. [ People]
• "But if you, out of nowhere, are going to grab a woman out of the woods and make her your vice presidential candidate, what can I do? [Sarah Palin] is like Jodie Foster in the movie Nell. They just found her, and she was speaking her own special language. Have you noticed how [Palin's] rallies have begun to take on the characteristics of the last days of the Weimar Republic? In Florida, she asked 'Who is Barack Obama?' Hey, lady, we just met YOU five fucking weeks ago." — Jon Stewart. [Rush & Molloy]

• Britney was at a middle school in The Bronx yesterday to present a $10,000 check for the music program. The donation came from Elizabeth Arden, which is behind Brit's fragrances, Believe, Fantasy and Curious. [People]
• Hey, guess who has another perfume coming out in December? [ONTD]
• So yesterday we read that Britney wanted to buy her sex tape from Adnan Ghalib. Today Adnan says: "There is no sex tape. I’m extremely upset and taking legal action." Um, against whom? Also, even if there is no "sex" tape, there's no doubt he has some footage of her dazed and naked. You just know it. Think about the state she was in back then. [The Sun]
• Oh here we go, more quotes from Adnan: "There is no sex tape, and I've never claimed there is one. I don't know where these quotes I'm supposed to have said have come from. What I do know is they certainly didn't come from me and they are completely false. I'm extremely upset and distressed and I'm taking legal action... This story has caused a lot of hurt to my family and people close to me. There is no sex tape. That is the end of the matter." [Star]
• OMFG: Did LC hook up with JustinBobby behind Audrina's back??? [E!]

• Lily Allen's friends want her to go to rehab, since she drinks too much and always feels depressed. Sniff. [Perez Hilton]
• Tina Fey's Palin videos are getting big traffic for NBC's website. And she's not even an SNL regular anymore. [MediaWeek]
• The Heather Locklear/Jill Ishkanian story is long and complicated, but it seems to involve Denise Richards. [Jossip]
• Did you know that Charlize Theron makes a shitload of money just for wearing jewelry? [The Smoking Gun]
• Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo: Winter wedding? [The Superficial]
• Have you seen this video with Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, Benicio Del Toro, Laura Linney, Eva Longoria, Leo DiCaprio and ton of other celebs encouraging you to vote? [People]
• There's also a video with Demi Moore and Ashton and "Barack Obama." [Perez Hilton]
• David Beckham spent the whole night drinking with some guy he thought was Rex Lee — Lloyd from Entourage — but it was just a prankster. [Mirror]
• Shia LaBeouf: Injured again, this time above the eyebrow, by a prop on the set of Transformers. He got stitches, then it was back to work. [Perez Hilton]
• Bianca Golden, the America's Next Top Model contestant who had an airport showdown with Nikki Blonsky and her family this summer, has spoken out for the first time about the incident to Tyra Banks (of course!). Bianca says Nikki was rude to her family from the beginnning and that "her father … punched my mom. He knocked her out. He hit my mom with such force she stumbled back, and when she stumbled back, the whole family got up and attacked my mom." Then the Blonsky family supposedly yelled racist remarks at the Goldens. DRAMA! [Perez Hilton]
• Jamie Hince, Kate Moss's ex, went to a psychic in L.A. after a "massive drinking session" and had to be helped out the place. Did the clairvoyant see a reconciliation in her crystal ball? [The Sun]
• Word is Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady will get married very soon. A friend says: "I don't think they will even bother getting engaged — and will just slip off and marry quietly." [Perez Hilton]
• Russell Crowe gained 63 pounds for his role in Body Of Lies. He says: "I'll have that cheeseburger for breakfast, thank you!" [UPI]
• A women's shelter cut headliner Sandra Bernhard from its annual benefit after she said Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin would be gang-raped if she ever visited New York. Jokes! [AP]
• Russell Brand wants to sleep with Helen Mirren. "She's so sexy and enchanting, just look at her form." They're going to be working together in a new film version of Shakespeare's The Tempest. Russell says: "I'll be all over her. I don't know how I'll get any work done." [Mirror]
• Is Holly Madison heading for The Hills? She was seen partying with Lo, Brody and Frankie. [E!]
• Jane Kaczmarek says even though she and hubs Bradley Whitford are television stars, their family only has one TV in the house. "We don't watch much TV," she claims. "We're big readers." [UPI]
• Were those nude Marilyn Monroe photos that are the subject of a lawsuit found in a garbage can 35 years ago? [AP]
• Robbie Williams is working on an aliens-inspired album, and has been writing alien-anthems at a UFO camp in Trout Lake, WA — a hot spot for alien encounters. [Perez Hilton]
• You know how Courtney Semel smacked a security guard in Vegas back in August? She's getting off with just paying a $250 fine. [TMZ]
• A cookbook from rapper Coolio? LOL! He says: "I'm a gourmet chef. I have my own YouTube channel for cooking. I do a lot of healthy fusion food - I do Black Italian - Blitalian, Black Asian - Blasian, Black English - Blenglish and I'm about to try Black Scottish - Blottish. I like traditional food and putting my own twist on it." [Daily Express]
• Get your tie dye out, Phish is reuniting. [Newser]
• Rickrolling has brought Rick Astley back into the public eye, and he's up for an MTV Europe Music Award this year, although he has never been nominated before. [BBC News]
• Behold: Luke Ledger, Heath's cousin. Also an actor. [News.com.au]
• Here's a funny little story told by actor Sir Michael Gambon, about Johnny Depp meeting the Queen. [Telegraph]
• Ang Lee is working on a comedy about Woodstock. The 1969 concert, not the tiny bird who's friends with Snoopy. [Reuters]
• "I think my only trick is… be normal and kind of have your shit together. And be consistent and reliable. Just not a flake. Really, the thing is, not to be a superflake. Don't be an asshole. Don't be supercocky. Don't be a show-off. Everyone for some reason feels the need to show off." — David Spade, on how he gets so many chicks. [Radar]
• "I definitely think there's more opportunity in television to a certain degree. But I don't know that there's as much opportunity for a lot of people of color to spread their wings because sometimes it came be very limited. But there are so many filmmakers that are willing to take more risk, and do color-blind casting — that's how a lot of things have come to pass for me […} You can get shafted both ways — you can be too American, or you can be too Chinese. It's a very difficult combination to be neither/nor, or either/or. It's nice to be able to embrace all cultures and to jump from one thing to another, which is kind of the whole reason for acting, to transform yourself, you know?" — Lucy Liu. [Wall Street Journal]
• "I have a great guy that's been around me for 15 years and he likes to yell at me every time I come into the office. He's a cranky old man. I love him. He is a Jungian therapist. He's taught me to listen to my psyche, be aware of what is going on and to make great choices." — Pamela Anderson. [Guardian]
• "The film is particularly painful for some people to watch. They keep hoping for a different ending. The great thing for me as an actor is I get to play all that anger on screen. So I don't have to live with it." — Kevin Spacey, on his flick Recount, about the 2000 election and the hanging chad debacle. [Independent]

• Amy Poehler is leaving Saturday Night Live! She'll step away after the November election to give birth to her first child, and she won't be coming back. "It's gonna be really hard — Boyz II Men hard — to say goodbye to yesterday," she says. "But like any good drug, you need to know when to put it down." Amy will still be on TV, though: She's getting her own NBC series from the producers of The Office. [LA Times]
• RIP TRL! After ten years, Total Request Live will end its run on MTV. All kinds of stars stopped by the studios promote their projects, from Britney Spears to *NSync to Eminem. Remember when Mariah had her meltdown? It's the end of an era. [AP]
• Katie Couric has landed an interview with Sarah Palin. The CBS anchor will travel with the Governor next week. Will the ladies go on a moose hunt? [Page Six]
• Amy Winehouse posted pictures of Blake Incarcerated exposing his manhood on her Facebook profile. (Click to see a censored version.) In other news, Blake would rather stay in prison than accept early release where he has to live with his mum and wear an electronic monitoring device because he doesn't want to go somewhere where he can't be with Amy. [The Sun]

• Oh dear, it seems that Blake Incarcerated has failed a drug test and will spend Christmas in jail. Amy is upset she'll be spending New Year's Eve alone. She must feel like she's fighting some unholy war. [ONTD]
• Christina Applegate went back to work on the set of Samantha Who? yesterday, after taking time out for a double mastectomy in July. She'll undergo reconstructive surgery in the next few months. [E!]
• Nikki Blonksky sat down with Entertainment Tonight in her first interview since the incident in a Turks and Caicos airport which lead to her — and her father — being arrested. "You never expect things like this in your life, but you take life one day at a time, and you deal with situations," Nikki says. [ET]
• Nikki Blonsky also says nice things about Zac Efron: "I love him with every inch of my body and soul. He has been an amazing support system." [Just Jared]
• Mischa Barton and Josh Hartnett partied in London together. They left a club and went to his hotel; she was seen leaving an hour later. Is it on? [This Is London]
• Kevin Federline skipped his sons' birthday party to get wasted in Las Vegas. [MSNBC]
• Zahara Jolie-Pitt is three years old, but she already has a job lined up: When she's older, she can work at the clinic her parents have established in Ethiopia for children with AIDS and tuberculosis. [Star]
• Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Rafaeli's off-again/on-again relationship is currently off. Stay tuned. [Rush & Molloy]
• Mariah Carey doesn't pick up her dog doo. [Page Six]
• Don't look for any more singles from Mariah Carey's album. [Perez Hilton]
• Lily Allen's new album comes out in February and is basically done, though she's adding some things. She explains: "I’m working on some extra stuff in the studio at the moment, it seems making an album isn't enough these days, some websites (not naming any!) won’t put an album on their front page unless you give them exclusive tracks, not that I’m complaining." Then she goes on to complain: "I always thought an album was a body of work in itself. you take it or leave it. You wouldn't say to a painter 'yeah I love the naked ladies, but would you mind painting their hair blonde instead of brown, and making their t*ts a bit bigger?' or 'the trees are really pretty, a few more leaves perhaps?' Maybe you would actually, ha ha." [Mirror]
• Tom Hanks: Being honored by the Film Society of Lincoln Center. [USA Today]
• Pat O'Brien of The Insider cares about poor people, claims he has "raged against the machine" and says we can change the world. [Page Six]
• Veronica Webb was replaced by Gretta Monahan on Tim Gunn's Guide To Style, but was still forced to sit next to her at a party. The cruelty! [Page Six]
• Guy Ritchie says a quickie is the best type of sex. Also, when asked why his films rarely have actresses in them, he said, "That's because I don't understand women." [The Sun]
• Benicio Del Toro and Steven Soderbergh: Seen partying in Toronto, getting lap dances and letting the ladies pour vodka shots into their mouths. Che it ain't so. [Page Six]
• Uh-oh, Kate Moss's daughter likes the way gas smells, so Kate leaves the car door open when she fills up at the petrol station. Does snorting chemicals run in the family? [The Sun]
• Jack White is not happy that Coca-Cola is using a song he wrote for the James Bond film Quantum of Solace. Although! Jack White did once write a song for Coke. Just not this song. [AdFreak]
• Ew, Aubry O'Day seen making out with Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis. [Page Six]
• Miley Cyrus's new guy is a model and aspiring country singer snamed Justin Gaston. Her rep says he is a "friend from Nashville." The two went to church together on Sunday. Jesus, talk about a clean teen. [People]
• Here's an interview with Michael Emerson, who plays Benjamin Linus on Lost. He says: "I learned the story at the same rate the audience was learning it. I didn’t know where it was going… But I've gotten used to it. Now, not knowing is part of the fun." [LA Times]
• Snoop Dogg, Rihanna and Chris Brown will attend the Melbourne Cup. Just a short while ago, it was unclear whether Snoop would be allowed into Australia; now he'll be in some kind of VIP booth at the horse race. Trifecta like it's hot. [News.com.au]
• The West Hollywood Gay and Lesbian Alliance are calling the British comedy series Little Britain USA "offensive" and "obnoxious." Isn't it supposed to be? [ONTD]
• Cate Blanchett and Philip Seymour Hoffman are working on a project to promote collaboration between theater companies in London, New York and Sydney, Australia. Blanchett's husband is a playwright; Hoffman is directing his work. [AP]
• Megan Fox is on the cover of GQ running her tongue across her teeth and wearing a bikini. She's also on the cover of Maxim, but the magazine bought old pix and did a story without her cooperation. [People]
• Noel Gallagher plans to team up with Russell Brand to create TV shows. Maybe even a sitcom. Be afraid. [The Sun]
• Saturday, Susie Essman of Curb Your Enthusiasm married her boyfriend of five years, a real estate broker named Jim Harder. Congrats! She says: "He didn’t even have HBO, or cable for that matter, and maybe that was a good thing because if he had ever seen me play Susie Greene, he probably would have run for the hills." [People]
• Dane Cook's made three shitty movies. Will My Best Friend's Girl be different? [AP]
• Um, a remake of Children Of The Corn. For the SciFi Channel. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Any CSI: NY fans out there? How do you feel about the fact that Rumer Willis will be on a November 19th episode? [EW]
• "No one can replace Richard Wright — he was my musical partner and my friend. He was gentle, unassuming and private but his soulful voice and playing were vital, magical components of our most recognised Pink Floyd sound." — Pink Floyd guitarist David Gilmour. [BBC News]
• "(David) wasn’t very well endowed, because he was fighting Goliath. There was very much that effect (for me). You tighten up like a hamster." — Daniel Radcliffe, on "shrinkage" due to stage fright while appearing nude in Equus on Broadway. [MSNBC, Daily Express]

• Screenwriter Kurt Wimmer is rewriting the script of a spy thriller called Edwin A. Salt: It was supposed to star Tom Cruise and now Angelina Jolie is replacing him. Oh, and Angie will also star in an adaptation of the Ayn Rand novel Atlas Shrugged. Next, Angelina will adopt Suri. Unstoppable. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Uh, apparently Angelina Jolie and porn star Tera Patrick have an e-mail relationship? And have been talking about who should play Catwoman in the next Batman movie? [Page Six]
• Nikki Blonksy's dad, who's been locked up in a Turks and Caicos jail for over a week, has just been released. He's due to appear in court on August 19 at 9:00 a.m. [ET]
• Carl Blonsky can't leave the island because authorities have his travel documents. [TMZ]
• Um, this report says Carl is back in New York. [Page Six]
• Jake Gyllenhaal is "all bulked up and 'bear' chested for his role in the fantasy flick Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time." No, really, He looks like Conan. [E!]
• Director Malcolm Lee heard about the deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes and was in shock: They're both in his film Soul Men, which opens November 14. "It had to be some sort of bad dream that these two giants would die on the same weekend, and both would be in my movie." Lee says that Mac would entertain the crew and bystanders between takes. "He said, 'These people made me what I am,' " Lee says. "He said that if it weren't for the fans of his stand-up comedy, he wouldn't have the career he had." Samuel L. Jackson is also in the film. [USA Today]

• Hayden Panettiere's dad, Alan is out on bail after getting arrested for allegedly hitting Hayden's mom, Lesley. Something went down after that Whaleman Foundation event: Alan and Lesley were seen fighting after the dinner. It seems to have continued when they got home: Authorities say that Alan struck Lesley one or two times on the cheek, causing bruising. Alcohol was involved. [People]
• Alan Panettiere is known as "Skip." He's apparently known for having a temper and "coming down hard" on his family. A source says that once, Skip was watching Hayden's little brother Jansen play baseball: "He went postal on Jansen because he wasn't pitching right," the eyewitness recalled. "He got nutty. He was yelling and screaming at his kid in front of everyone. He was really pissed off and was really negative." [Yahoo News]
• People who paid $2,500 to attend a benefit in the Hamptons are not happy that featured guest Gwyneth Paltrow didn't mingle with the riff raff. [Rush & Molloy]
• Madonna "longs" to adopt another child from Malawi, preferably a girl, to be a sister for David Banda. [Mirror]
• Mariah Carey says she does one thing very well: "Dance." As for singing? "Oh, that’s business." [Fox News]
• Kelly Rowland threw a party in St. Tropez on Friday — Bono attended — and the bash had a £196,230 ($372,150) bar bill. What did you do this weekend? [Mirror]
• Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell looks effing awesome in a bikini on the cover of Hello!. She says: "People think I'm really confident but I do get self-conscious like many women about stripping off in public. I haven't been willingly photographed in a bikini for seven years — and I don't think I'll do it again." [Daily Mail]
• Orlando Bloom will star in a film about life in the Bosnian capital Sarajevo during the 1992-95 siege. Change of pace from swashbuckling blockbusters. [Reuters]
• Blind item! "What publisher and man-about-town may have had a liaison with Rielle Hunter, the woman who had an affair with John Edwards and a relationship with his pal Jay McInerney? He's told friends they were 'in bed for a week.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens has been sued for $5 million by a former producer. Her dad called the dude a "predator." Hollywood sleaze? [Hollywood Reporter]
• Britney Spears did a sit-down interview and photo shoot with OK! magazine. Remember the earlier encounter, when her dog defiled a Zac Posen dress? [MSNBC]
• Oh, here's that promo for the MTV Video Music Awards starring Russell Brand, Britney Spears and an elephant. Russell's accent! [People]
• A number of disability groups want a boycott of Tropic Thunder, because of its portrayal of the mentally ill. Ben Stiller says: "It's sort of edgy territory, but we felt that as long as the focus was on the actors who were trying to do something to be taken seriously that's going too far or wrong, that was where the humor would come from. [The joke is on] actors reaching for roles in terms of hopefully winning awards." [Perez Hilton]
• Balthazar Getty met Sienna Miller's parents, then Sienna and Balt had lunch with Jerry Bruckheimer in Malibu. [Mirror]
• Dr. Phil and his wife Robin were recently arguing so loud that their Beverly Hills neighbors could hear. Now the house is quiet because they seem to have moved out… Did they go in separate directions? [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Coming soon: The Witches Of Eastwick TV show! Quick: Name a perfect cast. We need a redhead, a blonde and a Cher. [Ain't It Cool]
• Joss Stone is recording a theme song for Barack Obama's presidential campaign. Supposedly he approached her because of her "cross-racial appeal." But, um, she's British? [Times Of London]
• "Wild child Pixie Geldof turns to meditation and friends when she's feeling low." [Mirror]
• Another lender is after Ed McMahon for cash. [E!]
• Mia Tyler has called off her engagement. Maybe you didn't know she was engaged. [ONTD]
• Jason Statham showed up at the Playboy Mansion in a bathrobe, where Jon Lovitz was taking pictures of his face next to ladies' bare bottoms. Classy! [Page Six]
• Gossip Girl gossip! Michael Kors was seen with the cast at a NYC venue filming a fashion show scene! [Page Six]
• A martial arts school owner and fitness trainer in England is suing Tito Jackson, who allegedly borrowed $24,000 but only paid back $17,000. In other news, Tito Jackson still exists. [UPI]
• This story of Sean Connery's life is kind of amazing — once known as Tommy Connery, he dated Lana Turner and had Johnny Stompanato wave a gun in his face. [Daily Mail]
• "After a party in [Daniel Zelman's] apartment, I sat with him till 3:30 a.m. talking about the weather. Finally I said, 'Um, I guess I'm going to go.' I put on my polyester tiger-print swing coat and said, 'Will you kiss me?' 'Oh, gosh,' he said. 'I don't know.' I tried to be cool and said, 'It's just a kiss. I'm not asking you to marry me.' He said, 'No matter how interested we are in each other, we're so different, it will never work.' Cut to ten years later — we're married." —Debra Messing. [Reader's Digest]
• "I don’t think I am beautiful. I can look good, and I can look ugly." — Penelope Cruz. [MSNBC]
• "I'M COMPETING IN THE GAMES!!! EXCLUSIVE CHAMPION VIDEO!!!" — Kanye West. The video is pretty awesome. [KanyeUnivercity]

• Christina Applegate, 36, is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. The disease was caught early and she is expected to fully recover. [Yahoo News]
• Early detection came through a doctor-ordered MRI. There are no further details. [People]
• Bernie Mac is in a Chicago hospital, suffering from pneumonia. Saturday he was in "very, very critical" condition but now he seems to be recovering. [Yahoo News]
• Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt have been unveiled. Something between ten or $15 million will go to charity; People and Hello! will get "huge tax breaks." [Fox News]
• In order to get their money's worth, People is running 30 pages of kiddie pix. Lay your wounds on the images of the twin deities and be healed! [E!]
• Mary-Kate Olsen wants immunity from the Feds before she'll talk to them about Heath Ledger's death. Could it be that she was his OxyContin hookup? [NY Post]

• Uh-oh, Balthazar Getty has gone back to L.A. to attempt to reconcile with his wife Rosetta. Erstwhile lover Sienna Miller is said to be "devastated." Balthazar sez: "I can’t comment. When I’m ready, I’ll issue a statement. It’s because of the children." His youngest daughter was born in October, making her 10 months old. [Daily Mail]
• Sienna has decided to take her miserable self to the Caribbean. Her dad has a "sprawling mansion" in the Virgin Islands. A fruity drink and some sun should make things better. [Daily Mail]
• Then there's this photo captioned "Balthazar's Wife has Her Hands Full, Too." [TMZ]
• FYI: Reese and Jake are not, repeat, not engaged. [People]
• Apparently Nikki Blonsky's mom is in this video at the Turks and Caicos airport where Nikki and America's Next Top Model's Bianca Golden got into a kerfluffle. Nikki was saving five seats for her fam, and Bianca's family wanted to sit. So Bianca allegedly hit Nikki in the head. Damn small airports with no first class lounge. [TMZ]
• Madonna screened her documentary, I Am Because We Are, at the Traverse City Film Festival in Michigan. The event was co-founded by filmmaker, author and fellow Michigan native Michael Moore. Madonna said: "There aren't a lot of role models for us in the world, or people we can look up to. People who are not afraid to stick their neck out, people who are not afraid to stand up for things and be unpopular, to go against the grain, think outside the box. And we need, and I need, Michael Moore in my life." [AP]
• Nicole Kidman has already shed the baby weight, blah blah blah dance rehearsals for the movie musical Nine blah blah blah. [Daily Mail]
• The paps want a picture of Nicole's baby, Sunday Rose. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Robert De Niro is joining Mel Gibson on a flick called Edge Of Darkness. Something about a homicide detective and a single father. [Variety]
• Lily Allen and Ed Simons have broken up again. This news comes to us via Facebook, naturally. [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse is looking for a new flat near Blake Incarcerated's prison. Maybe she's got a plan to dig a tunnel? Is there a shovel hidden in the beehive? [The Sun]
• Does Amy's new album have a cooking theme? Apparently a new track goes, "I can cook, chicken soup, meatballs, a good chicken - jerk and fried." And one song is about her upbringing as a nice Jewish girl. [Mirror]
• On a radio show, Rhys Ifans was asked if he liked a track by the Gutter Twins. Rhys joked, "It’s kind of like being date raped, which I liked." The radio show host asked if date rape was a good thing. Rhys replied, "Well, yeah, for guys." [The Sun]
• Pete Doherty and 5 friends tried to row to a VIP area after playing Scotland’s Live at Loch Lomond festival on Saturday. But they lost an oar and the boat sprang a leak and they had to be pulled to safety. [The Sun]
• Jessica Simpson uses a webcam to strip for Tony Romo, not that you care. [The Sun]
• Cher is selling her Malibu mansion to the tune of $45 million. That doesn't include the glittery gowns she may have left in the closets. [Perez Hilton]
• Michael Douglas nodded off during lunch in Portofino. Wine, food, blue sea, Cathy Z? Conditions sound perfect for a nap. Also, Mike is thisclose to being a senior citizen. [UPI]
• Are Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick moving to the East Village? Sources say maybe. For the love of Zeus do not take the video tour of the space, unless you are a masochist. [NY Mag]
• Gun shots rang out at an Atlanta party hosted by Jermaine Dupri and Sean "Diddy" Combs. The hosts were unharmed and continued to party. [E!]
• Justin Timberlake, Oscars host? Maybe? Hmmm. [ET]
• Diana Ross's daughter, Chudney, was in a traffic accident over the weekend. She pulled her Range Rover out of the lot and was hit by another vehicle. Everybody involved went to the hospital. [Newsweek]
• Adrienne Curry went off on a rant about abortion and being pro-choice: "There are thousands of babies that people don't want, get abused, and turn out to be the scum of the earth when they grow up. Why should we add to that?" She goes on to say: "I personally like McCain's view on things. He doesn't believe in birth control to keep women from wanting abortions. However, he does believe in keeping cocks hard everywhere to produce more children people don't want!" I have nothing to add. [ONTD]
• Annie Lennox is participating in the international AIDS conference in Mexico City this week as an ambassador for Oxfam. She urges artists, musicians, filmmakers and women to keep the issue at the forefront. This is the book I never read, these are the words I never said, this is the path I'll never tread… These are the dreams I'll dream instead. [USA Today]
• Audrina Patridge has been hanging out with Heidi and Spencer, if you care. [Perez Hilton]
• Is Lauren dating Kyle Howard? He's on that show My Boys. [People]
• Fake or real Miley Cyrus pictures in which she bares her belly are causing a stir. [Perez Hilton]
• Paul McCartney is planning on going on vacation in the Hamptons with his daughter Beatrice and his new gf Nancy Shevell. Heather Mills: Sure to be pissed. [Mirror]
• Kylie Minogue's on and off man, Alexander Dahm, flew 6,000 miles to see Kylie put on a "sizzling" show in London. [Mirror]
• Figure skater Oksana Baiul didn't know she was Jewish; her parents hid it from her as a kid. Surprise! Have some kugel. [Page Six]
• "She has no talent. I’m sure Paris [Hilton] would tell you that herself." — Sharon Osbourne. [The Sun]
• "I'll do anything to make my dog famous." Aubrey O'Day, the Danity Kane singer now in Hairspray on Broadway. Her Maltese, Ginger, has been dyed pink. [Page Six]
• Leo DiCaprio and buddy Lukas Haas: Shirtless, on a yacht off the coast of Ibiza. Gah. Vacation sounds so good right now. [ONTD]
• "Not going to university did give me an incredible driving force because it leaves you with a slight chip on your shoulder. It makes me feel I am going to read absolutely everything so I can prove I am not stupid." — Keira Knightley. [Daily Mail]
• "I've always been driven. I'm a worker. I've never been given anything on a plate. That's why I was different from some of the other footballers' wives. It never really interested me, that lifestyle of spending your husband's money." — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Daily Mail]

This dog draws sartorial inspiration from WonderDog, clearly influenced by The Costume Institute's retrospective of superheroes.
Nikki Blonsky's date seems to be channeling the ghost of Jacob Marley.
A knotted silk scarf is always in good taste. One hopes, Hermes.
This dog, with Miss Teen USA Hilary Cruz, is — how shall I put this? — demode.
Richard Belzer's dog phones it in.
Cornelia Guest should be ashamed - swathed in jewels while her dog goes nude.
In the case of Maria Kanellis's dog, I believe the nudity is more a case of rank exhibitionism.

Images via Getty

The Good:
I can't really explain my love for Adam Duritz. Or for his insane suit.


Chris March gets points in my book anytime he's not wearing an outfit trimmed in human hair.


1) OMG it's David Byrne! 2) OMG it's Cindy Sherman...in Prada.


In the spirit of John Waters, I love Kathleen Turner's tacky suit.


The Bad:
I so badly want to get my hands on Debbie Harry and give her a head-to-toe makeover. Girlfriend needs to learn about Rodarte. Or Chris Benz, even! Why is she wearing such weirdly dated looks and not seeking out the best of intellectual fashion? End rant.


I want to grow up to be a crazy cat lady just Estelle Parsons.


This is not the right dress for Hairspray star Nikki Blonsky.


Dear Ricki Lake: It's not nice to steal clothes off of drag queen's backs.


Rocco DiSpirito: Looking more and more like Siegfried and Roy's lost brother every day.


The Ugly:
OK, I think John Waters looks awesome. But we all know he would be insulted if he weren't placed in this category.

[Images via Getty.]