1.) Toes
Tyra had guests this week who get fake toenails put on.

And there were these idiots, who pay $65 a session to have their toes read.

2.) Mariah
She made the talk show rounds. She stumbled on Leno.

Then she went on Larry King Live, where she blinged out his logo.

And then smelled her tits.

Also, Larry serenaded her.

3.) "Where are you?"
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew premiered this week. One of its cast members, Nicole Narain, was on The Joy Behar Show, where she answered Joy's question a little too literally.

4.) What happens when you slouch in Judge Judy's court.

5.) Cougars
The Insider is taking this taking this cougar thing way too far. Although, I do like the little glimpses of Wasilla townies we get.

Niecy Nash is now literally referred to as "the resident cougar," and for the past two weeks, she's been going on dates with younger men.

Is this supposed to be sexy? Chest stubble and exaggerated nipples?

It reminds me of when Homer got plastic surgery so that Marge wouldn't leave him for a younger man.

And his nipples cried.

6.) Heather from Rock of Love on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
She played a hooker.

7.) Why did Sandals have to ruin a perfectly lovely song?

8.) Jon Gosselin implied that he's on the same professional level as Mary Hart.
And she didn't like it.

9.) Kirstie Alley on her coke days.

10.) Michelle Obama is fun.

Kyla Pratt's dress has the disconcerting effect of looking like long, Ringu-like strands of wet hair are clinging to her.


Love the shape of Tatyana Ali's frock, don't love the odd mix of gold, eyelet and lamé.


Karimah Westbrook, despite odd belt, looks incredibly sleek.


Wow! Kinda loving Nautica De La Cruz' dramatic retro formal.


I feel like the odd length of Aasha Davis' dress shouldn't work, but it does.


Mari Morrow's peach confection is kinda Disney-does-Olympus!


Debating Camille Winbush's unusual choice of sandal with graphic. I suspect she's working it. What say you?


I'm really hoping a little girl saw Jennia Fredrique en route, because this Swan Princess situation would totally make her year, and probably influence the rest of her life in a profound way.


Audra McDonald's LBD: retro-perfect.


CeCe Antoinette sports a mother-of-the-bride classic: the token, transparent coat. Other varietals include the jacket, bolero, and shawl.


Niecy Nash does her usual unreconstructed bombshell.


I am very "pro" bringing back getups like Lauren Velez' as loungewear - hostess pajamas, even. And I am quite pro discouraging them as red carpet wear. In a purely rhetorical sense, of course - obviously anyone should have the freedom to wear what she will, a reason I've always shied away from the construction "fashion crime" in any variation.


What say you: is Monique Coleman sporting separates - or a dress? And how does this effect your opinion? (I'm channeling those "discussion questions" at the back of a worthy paperback.)

[Images via Getty]

It seems like every summer the mags declare that white jeans like Eva LaRue's are either "back" or a "summer classic" and that they're "surprisingly wearable." None of these things ever gives any indication of being remotely true.


It's kind of like Brenda Song was on some kind of game show, where she had to make an outfit from a thrift store in fifteen minutes. In which case this would maybe win a Huffy dirt bike or something.


Niecy Nash demonstrates the evolution of the bandage dress.


I have concerns about Shea Fisher's underpinnings.


I think what's bothering me about Kelli Garner's getup is the rose on the blouse echoed by the belt buckle - a lot of fussiness.


Okay, Debby Ryan is only 16, and clearly styled her own outfit, and the truth is, I'd rather a teen was somewhat...overzealous than all slick and sexy and adult.


Let's talk about strategically-placed panels of lace and crochet like Gena Lee Nolin's. Or, you know what? Let's not and say we did.


A few years ago, Ming-Na Wen's free-flowing frock would have been called "boho." On eBay it would be called "boho hippie retro vintage cool!!!" Her sandals, in any language, would be called "comfortable-looking."


Leslie Bibb looks great. Do not try this at home.


Chloe Grace Moretz is, unquestionably, Best-Dressed of the night! Bonus points for cheering me up on a Monday morning.


Jennifer Stone's oddly geometric shoe soles remind me of those elaborate stilt shoes Medieval ladies wore to avoid stepping in...anything.


[Images via Getty]

[Los Angeles, April 1. Image via Getty.]

LOS ANGELES, CA - APRIL 01: (L-R) Actors Thomas Lennon, Niecy Nash and Robert Ben Garant perform on stage during the 'Reno 911!' benefit for Planting Peace at Largo at the Coronet Theatre on April 1, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)

• Too bad you missed Britney's Tampa concert: At the end of one number, she announced, "My pussy's hanging out." Why, yes, there is video. [TMZ]

• Britney's dad fired three dancers from her tour for suspected drug use. Keepin' it clean! [Daily Mail]
• WTF. Madonna dressed as a naughty schoolgirl for Purim? She seems to be wearing Lourdes' clothes. [The Sun]
• Madonna and Jesus Luz's mom are both bleach blondes who wear skimpy tops? [Gatecrasher]
• Miley Cyrus has tachycardia: her heart rate exceeds the range of a normal resting heart rate. She writes in her autobiography: "The type of tachycardia I have isn't dangerous. It won't hurt me, but it does bother me. There is never a time onstage when I'm not thinking about my heart." [Gatecrasher]
• Little Jakey Gyllenhaal looks like a brawny hunk in this picture from The Prince Of Persia. [The Life Files]
• So you know how Usher slammed Chris Brown, and then apologized for his comments? An insider says he was "forced" to do so. [Gatecrasher]
• This piece is about why couples reunite. It begins, "No one - not Oprah, not anyone - can figure out why Rihanna decided to get back together with an allegedly abusive Chris Brown." [NY Post]
• Usually we're talking about which team David Beckham is going to play for; this story is about which team he would like to own. "I have the right to own an MLS franchise, which I will action immediately after I have stopped playing," Beckham says. You also need about $40 million and a stadium. [BBC News]
• If you watched Dancing With The Stars last night you know that replacing Jewel and Nancy O'Dell, who were sidelined by injuries, are Holly Madison and Melissa Rycroft — the latter really stretching the definition of the word "star." She was dumped on The Bachelor. [AP]
• This story begins, "Should Dancing With the Stars be renamed Dancing With People You Might Have Heard Of? [MSNBC Scoop]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of 14, has a new house. Her father bought her a four-bedroom, three-bath place in Orange County, CA; the money probably came from the donations and from TV shows who pay her for interviews. Elizabeth Snead of the LA Times writes: "Tell us how you feel about this freaky freeloader — on food stamps, disability and lord knows what else — getting a new home when so many honest, hard-working people in the country are losing theirs." [LA Times]
• Whoa, Real Housewife of New York Kelly Killoren Bensimon was arrested for assault! Her boyfriend, Nicholas Stefanov, told cops she punched him… [NY Daily News]
• Gretchen Rossi of Real Housewives of Orange County denies cheating on her late fiancé. But what's this about calling some dude her boyfriend in a 911 call? [People]
• Uh-oh: TMZ is getting more involved in celebrities' lives: They saved Andy Dick from getting arrested. [TMZ]
• Lawyers for the late Anna Nicole Smith are asking the Supreme Court for help — the money dispute involving her dead husband and his dead son is crazy complicated. Everyone has passed away but the legal issues live on! [AP]
• Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester may star in a thriller called The Roommate. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Rebecca Romijn will star in Eastwick, the new ABC pilot based on John Updike's The Witches Of Eastwick. She'll be the blonde one? [Variety]
• Marcia Cross probably won't be on the new Melrose Place, even though that would be awesome. She says: "I'm really busy. I say never say never, but it's not the first thing on my mind." [Mirror]
• Anil Kapoor of Slumdog Millionaire will be on Fox TV show 24! [Hindustan Times]
• U2 used to be all over Apple products, but their new album has a partnership with Blackberry. What does it mean??? [AdAge]
• If you want to see Mel B modeling underwear — as she "prepares" for her Vegas burlesque show — click the link at the end of this sentence. The white corset is nice. [Daily Mail]
• Roger Friedman says Jane Fonda is "fantastic" in the Broadway play 33 Variations. OMG Dolly Parton was in the audience??? [Fox 411]
• Michael J. Fox is doing a special for ABC about optimism. [AP]
• Here's an interview with the chiseled Irishman Cillian Murphy. [MetroMix]
• The dude accused of stalking Saturday Night Live producer Lorne Michaels is a free man as his case was adjourned for six months. [USA Today, NY Daily News]
• Mischa Barton's been blogging about breaking up with the guy from the Kooks, yawn. [Perez]
• Anne Heche is officially single again, if you care. [E!]
• This picture of Reno 911's Niecy Nash celebrating her 39th birthday is awesomesauce. [Concrete Loop]
• Headline of the day: "Police Seize More Than $1 Million In Drugs From Phish Fans." [USA Today]
• Holy-crap blind item! "Which top model's plastic surgeon is in big trouble? He accidentally spilled acid on her chest while they were having sex in his office." [Gatecrasher]
• "Back up! Don't you ever touch me! You all make my life miserable." — Hayden Panettiere, to photographers and reporters on the red carpet at a hospital fundraising event. [MSNBC]
• "I have to brush my teeth before I go on stage, otherwise I don't feel smart enough." — Chris Martin. [The Sun]
• "I'm a very spiritual person and he's come to me many of times in my dreams… at the end of the day, he knows who's who and what's what. Believe that. And let me tell you something, the way he's feeling is going to come out. Like, trust me. Everything is going to come out later. You're going to see who he really loved and the ones that's standing up for him the right way is the ones representing him the right way. I'm going to tell you what my spiritual connection from Biggie is telling me, 'Don't look back, just do you' and that's why my success is right here for me… Biggie said 'Don't look back. Forget Cease, forget all of them because they going to be sorry. Cause what they did was wrong.'" — Lil Kim, who says the late Notorious B.I.G speaks to her from beyond the grave. [Perez]
• "I'm here and I'm doing it now and I'm working as hard as anybody. Life took me in a different direction, but I'm not here as a lark and I'm not whizzing in and stopping by for two weeks. I've done all kind of things in my career, but this feels like a big deal. Broadway has a mythic greatness — and an actual greatness. No one wanted me to be gone for a year and be unavailable for movies and stuff. They're right. It's a chunk of time. But I have learned from other times, mostly in terms of travel, when I said 'Oh, I'll do it next time.' There were many trips that I had a chance to take, and I'd say 'there's too much going on right now; I'm not going to do it' — and then I've never done it. Guys and Dolls felt like one of those things. In order to survive I will need to have a steady job again, like a television show, and so I don't know when this time will come again. But I fell in love with the play and I fell in love with the part. I thought it was a risk worth taking." — Lauren Graham, of Gilmore Girls, on her new stint as Adelaide in Guys and Dolls on Broadway. [WSJ]