English tabloid editors have tipped their bowler hats at their US counterparts by printing some of the best erotic fan fiction we've seen for some time – a breathless blow-by-blow account of Prince Harry's plan to woo Katy Perry by pushing to have her play at the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. "Harry has a double reason for…

• Whitney Houston is in a Paris hospital suffering from nose and throat problems.

• Nicolette Sheridan is suing her former employer, Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry, claiming he physically abused her on the set.

• Justin Timberlake will attempt to finish what Ann Curry started: He'll head to Tanzania and climb Mount Kilimanjaro.

• Brad Pitt's mom was supposed to move into the Long Island estate where the posse is staying while Angelina Jolie films Salt, but Angelina has reportedly nixed the idea.

[Vienna, Austria; February 19. Image via Getty]

• Michael Jackson is dying, according to the oh-so-reliable National Enquirer.

• So many questions about John Travolta's late son: Could Jett have been saved? Was he autistic? Is Scientology to blame? [Mirror]

• Sources say Paula Abdul is basically done with American Idol. Just like when she sees a mediocre contestant, it's all: "Thank you, but no." [MSNBC Scoop]

• Amy Winehouse and Blake Formerly Incarcerated: Dunzo. He's left her for a German model; she's admitted that it was never going to last and that they were "only together for sex." Keep in mind that this report comes from a terribly disreputable paper. [News Of The World, Page Six]
• By the by, Blake Fielder-Civil's jail…