In Season of the Witch, "14th-century knights transport a suspected witch to a monastery, where monks deduce her powers could be the source of the Black Plague." Which doesn't explain all the Real Housewives at the premiere. Or their clothes.

Seriously, if "I'll fucking die because of honor" doesn't become a meme by the end of the day, we'll have lost our faith in the Internet.

• Despite reports that Jessica Simpson is crying into her margaritas over Nick Lachey's engagement to Vanessa Minnillo, she says she's, "extremely, extremely happy for him" and was shocked when she learned, "everybody was saying that I was 'saddened.'"

• Behold: The poster for the upcoming Tyler Perry-directed film For Colored Girls, featuring Janet Jackson.

• Paris Hilton has been charged with felony cocaine possession.

• Yet another celebrity split: Thomas Jane and Patricia Arquette are set to divorce after four years of marriage. The two had previously separated and later reconciled in 2009. [People]

• Uh-oh: The custody battle between Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry might get messy.

• From a ridiculous piece on Amanda Seyfried:

• Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry have split up. A source says:

• Rumor has it that Reggie Bush dumped Kim Kardashian not because she was pressuring him to get married, but because she slept with Kanye West.

Kick-Ass has been hotly debated since the trailer debuted, featuring 11-year-old assassin Hit Girl calling bad guys "cunts." Critics still disagree about her character, but say the film may do for superhero movies what Pulp Fiction did for crime films.

• Whitney Houston is having daily prayer meetings to get her through this difficult time. She has said of her imperfect show in Birmingham:

• Oh no! Boo: Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Etheridge (formerly Tammy Lynn Michaels) have ended their nine-year relationship. Sadness!

• Demi Moore says she used to have "an extreme obsession" with her body. "I made it a measure of my own value." Furthermore, she explains:

• When Us asked Lindsay Lohan to comment on her father's engagement to former tabloid reporter Kate Major she said, "I'm gonna vomit! I so didn't need that info ... Yuck!" And Lindsay hadn't even heard the worst of it:

• Miley Cyrus, 17, is getting her own place.

• Oh, snap: Heidi Montag says: "No longer is my husband the face of my business or managing my career."

• Lindsay Lohan and her mother Dina crashed a Golden Globes party thrown by The New York Times Style Magazine. Oh, and:

• 17-year-old Miley Cyrus was spotted with a diamond ring on the fourth finger of her left hand, leading some to wonder if her 19-year-old boyfriend, Liam Hemsworth went to Jared asked her to marry him. [NYDN]

• So Lindsay Lohan was posing in a swimsuit on the beach in Santa Monica for a photoshoot, and people noticed that she has lots of random bruises and scratches on her body.