Obama Keeps Up With The Kardashians; Wife Says Hopper Threatened To Kill Her

• In what TMZ is billing as the "Decline of Western Civilization," Khloe Kardashian toured the White House and met President Obama today.

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Frances Cobain Lashes Out At Ali Lohan; Brad & Jen's "Secret" Meeting

• Frances Bean Cobain has written an open letter to Ali Lohan. Would you like to know what it says? Here goes — and consider it to be [sic]-filled:

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Chris Brown: "I Want To Understand My Feelings"

• Chris Brown, currently on his National Bow Tie Apology Tour, says he's ready to meet with a counselor: "I want to understand my feelings. I want to find out what really transpired as far as me that night."[People]

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Jude Law's Baby Mama Revealed; Seth Rogen Talks Crap About Katherine Heigl

• Jude Law got someone pregnant, but not Rachel McAdams' sister Kayleen — her rep (she's a makeup artist) says "She has never even met him." [Star]
• So. The mother of Jude Law's unborn spawn is:

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Mischa Barton On Drugs; Prince Flying High

• According to this report, Mischa Barton was taken from her home last week because she was so high on coke friends were afraid she was going to kill herself. [NY Post]

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Robert Pattinson Spills Twilight Sequel Secrets

• Twihards! Sparkle vamp Robert Pattinson says there will be a fourth Twilight movie; the plot of the book Breaking Dawn will come to the big screen. What does this mean?

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Could You Come If You Had To Look At Nick Lachey's Sex Face? A Poll

Ah, sex face. The histrionic Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god YES of the male species! But where we've all been the widely-mocked overdramatic moaner across the hall at least once, no one ever gets to laugh at the little constipated boy intensity on the face of the partner forcing us to fake it that hard. Which is why we are so very grateful to the Mexican paparazzi for capturing, albeit grainily, Nick Lachey giving it to Vanessa Minnillo from behind so she doesn't have to look at him. ANYWAY, please send us good sex face photos, because we reeeeally scraped the bottom of the barrel to bring you this sorta NSFW sex face poll. More »

It's A Paris-Free Zone For The Tabloids, Which Can Only Mean One Thing For Heidi Montag And Spencer Pratt...

Welcome to Midweek Madness, our weekly binge on the sort of celebrity content we usually try so fastidiously to avoid every other day of the week. In which we "read" the Wednesday tabs. So you don't "have" to.

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