Jezebel: news roundup

Blagojevich Actually Manages To Do Something Stupider

Megan — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 18:40:00 EST

Governor Rod Blagojevich rammed his head more throughly up his ass and found someone to join him: former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris, who is Blago's new appointment to Barack Obama's Senate seat. [Washington Post]

But the current Secretary of State Jesse White would have to certify the Burris appointment, which he's reportedly saying he won't do, which is good because there's basically maybe no other way to stop Burris from heading to the Senate.. [Politico]
Obama ain't happy. [Politico]
Neither are Senate Democrats in general, who plan to move to block the appointment however they can even if, like most things the Senate Democrats have done in the last decade, it is ultimately ineffective and all for show. [CNN]
Political analysts all breathed a sigh of relief that they could finally stop talking about Gaza. [BBC News]
That includes Joe Scarborough, who got the shit kicked out of him by co-host Mika Brzezinski's dad Zbigniew Brzezinski on the issue this morning. [Huffington Post]
The Clintons will be watching the ball drop in Times Square, which basically just proves they aren't real New Yorkers. [Associated Press]
Vicki Iseman, who the New York Times totally implied in a long article was fucking John McCain without any evidence is suing the shit out of everyone involved. [Wall Street Journal]
Franken's up in the Minnesota recount by about the margin Nate Silver said he would be back in the day, so Franken will totally be seated as Senator before he has to run for re-election. Probably. [Huffington Post]

Barack Rides Unicorn To Power; Bristol Palin Pops

Megan — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 18:40:00 EST

DC artist Chris Bishop has created this extremely prescient image of the inauguration in T-shirt form for all your speech-watching needs. [Chris Bishop via Boing Boing]

Sarah Palin's eldest daughter, Bristol gave birth yesterday: The 7 lb., 4 oz. boy's name is Tripp. [As in Linda? -Ed.] [People]
The Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies issued its Inaugural Ceremony advisory, which includes details like: it's going to be cold as fuck in DC; security will be tighter than a nipple clamp; lines will be longer than you dreamed possible; and you will wish to God you stayed home and blogged it drunk. That last part's actually mine. [Politico]
Barack Obama's got an iPod, and the world has gone back to being explicable. [Silicon Valley Insider]
Republicans mostly continue to pile on Chip "'Barack the Magic Negro' Is Funny" Saltsman because they don't want any more people thinking that all Republicans are racist. [CNN]
Speaking of racists, former Presidential candidate of crazy Ron Paul wants you all to know that Social Security is a giant Ponzi scheme that if you had just been smart enough to vote for him he would have eliminated. But, since you didn't, Obama is going to regulate things in the name of freedom that won't make you feel any more free and it's actually less coherent than I just wrote it. [U.S. News & World Report]
Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar thinks the Senate should temporarily swear in Al Franken before permanently doing so in 2010 or whenever the Minnesota Senate race is eventually decided. [The Hill]
Rahm Emanuel will officially resign his Congressional seat on Friday and there are already 11 people running to replace him. [Chicago Sun Times]
The Christmas season sucked so bad you should expect to see retail stores shuttering up and bankruptcies filed. [Bloomberg]

Prince William Grew A Beard, And Other Scenes From A Slow News Day

Megan — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 17:30:00 EST

Some men grow beards in their 20s, even if they are actual royalty (we know that we already did a Snap Judgment of ol' beardo, but Will's beard deserves a double post). [Huffington Post]

It's still winter and the weather is doing winter-y things. [Huffington Post]
The economy still sucks. [Wall Street Journal]
Some Republicans like Bobby Jindal won't run in 2012 if Barack Obama isn't the worst President in this history of the universe because they prefer to win. [Politico]
Obama isn't going to Iraq before the Inauguration, which means he's probably going after. [Washington Post]
Other countries are realizing that throwing more money at the world economic crisis is just throwing good money after bad. [NY Times]
Caroline Kennedy realizes that she has to talk to the media to get David Paterson to appoint her to Hillary Clinton's Senate seat. [Huffington Post]
Water inevitably wet.
Paint perpetually dries slowly.
Down remains down and up remains up.
Gravity is still in effect.
The Earth continues to revolve around the sun
There's never much newsworthy to talk about the day after Christmas.

Barack Obama Stays Hot While We Freeze

Megan — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:30:00 EST

... [wipes drool]
Barack Obama is on vacation with his family in Kailua, Hawai'i this week. [Huffington Post]

Bowlers are peeved that he might turn the White House bowling alley into a basketball court. [Wall Street Journal]
He produced a web video announcing the people that will be running science policy for his Administration and not one of them believes in creationism. [Washington Post]
And Joe Biden is going to head up the White House Task Force On Working Families, but stop calling him a "Czar" of something because he is the Vice fucking President and the Obamites have famously put a kibosh on calling anyone a Czar anyway. [CNN]
Current Vice President Cheney has trouble understand that rap music stuff and would like those kids to get the hell off his lawn. [Think Progress]
Sarah Palin blames John McCain's advisers for pretty much everything. [Huffington Post]
Hillary Clinton just forgave her $13 million campaign loan, but still owes Mark Penn more than $5 million (and a host of other vendors about $1 million). [New York Times]
Toyota is about to report its first operating loss in 70 years, despite all that talk of so-called union benefits being the problem that is plaguing the U.S. auto industry. The auto bailout will nonetheless proceed apace, including the part where they reduce wages and benefits of GM and Chrysler workers. [MSNBC]

You're Going To Need This Puppy To Get Through The News

Megan — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 19:40:00 EST

The Bidens plan to add to their household by getting another puppy from the pound. Double puppy snuggles! [Huffington Post]

Rod Blagojevich says he's, like, totally innocent and is definitely not going to resign so that he has something to offer prosecutors in his eventual plea deal [Politico]
Hillary's pay cut is final. [CNN]
In better news, she might create a post at the State Department for Iran outreach, without even insisting that Iran accede to all our demands first [Washington Independent]
Plenty of people seem to be ticked about Ron Kirk's appointment to USTR because he's not anti-trade enough. [The Hill]
James Carville is trying to get more donations for Media Matters, since it's difficult to raise money in this economic climate, and is using the conservatives linking Obama and Blagojevich to do it. [The Hill]
Al Sharpton is defending the selection of Rick Warren to say a prayer at the inauguration, since he hasn't gotten enough media attention by meeting with Caroline Kennedy this week. [Huffington Post]
Al Franken is up in the Minnesota Senate recount, though, which might end by 2010. [Think Progress]
Bush unveiled his auto bailout, but Ford's not opting in [BBC]
The National Portrait Gallery unveiled the portraits of George and Laura Bush. Laura's got some sort of soft focus thing going on that Barbara Walters hopes to patent in film-format soon. [National Portrait Gallery]

Bill Clinton's Big Release, Obama's Smaller Releases

Megan — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 18:30:00 EST

Bill Clinton's donor list for his foundation and presidential library have been released. Yeah, there's all kinds of foreign government money on there, what did you expect? [Politico]

Meanwhile, Barack Obama has asked Congresswoman Hilda Solis to become the Secretary of Labor, former Dallas mayor Ron Kirk to head up the U.S. Trade Representatives Office and plans to send Mary Schapiro to head the Securities and Exchange Commission. [Washington Post, Washington Post, Washington Post]
Obama's also defending the selection of Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at his inauguration. [Associated Press]
He might appoint the openly gay William White to be Secretary of the Navy. [Washington Independent]
"Sources" are telling the media that Rahm Emanuel and Rod Blagojevich were never close. Quelle suprise. [The Hill]
More surprising is that the Pentagon has noticed that more sexual assaults than are ever reported take place at its military academies and they want to do something about making it easier on victims to come forward. [New York Times]
Hey, they might actually finish the Minnesota Senate recount and Al Franken might really win. [Huffington Post]

All The Appointment Gossip You Can Handle, Including Aretha Franklin

Megan — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 18:30:00 EST

Batty conservative Michael Savage thinks Caroline Kennedy ought to watch her back since Hillary Clinton killed her brother John. We think she should watch out for batshit crazy conservatives. [Media Matters]

But New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo a reported competitor for the seat might harbor a teeny crush on Caroline. [Politico]
Barack Obama's next appointment is likely to be Republican Congressman Ray LaHood to be the next Secretary of Transportation. [Huffington Post]
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has appointed defeated New Hampshire Senator John Sununu to the oversight board for the financial bail-out so that Johnny doesn't have to go live in New Hampshire or anything. [Politico]
Tabloid-esque biographer Andrew Morton is shopping a book proposal on Michelle Obama but he's not having much luck. [The First Post]
Former CIA Director George Tenent is: an anti-Semite, possibly a drunk; definitely short-sighted when it came to being sold out by the Bush Administration. [Think Progress]
Big surprise: the whole "trickle down" effect we were supposed to see from the government throwing wads of cash at the banks? Not happening. They're just hoarding and giving out bonuses and taking expensive staff retreats. [LA Times]
Egyptian Saad Gumaa has offered his daughter, Amal Saad Gumaa, to the guy who threw the shoe at President Bush, Muntazer al-Zaidi. She considers al-Zaidi a hero; her father considers her the most valuable thing he could offer al-Zaidi; we continue to think that women are more than chattel. [Reuters]
Aretha Franklin will sing and Itzhak Perlman and Yo-Yo Ma will perform a selection composed by John WIlliams at the swearing-in ceremony at Obama's Inauguration. We assume that neither Dr. Feelgood or The Imperial March will make an appearance. [Huffington Post]

Hillary Clinton Is Not Getting Involved In Her Seat, But She's The Only One Who Isn't

Megan — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 18:30:00 EST

Clinton told her supporters to stop talking smack about Caroline Kennedy unless they're going to endorse someone else. She doesn't want people to believe it's coming from her. [Politico]

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has weighed in with New York Governor David Paterson on Kennedy's behalf. [CNN]
President Bush is backing his brother Jeb's nascent run for the soon-to-be-empty Florida Senate seat currently held by the retiring Mel Martinez. [The Hill]
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich wants the RNC to shut the fuck up already and pull its ads that misleadingly link Barack Obama to corrupt Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. In case you're worried that he's siding with Obama, don't be worried: he's doing at part of the internecine warfare in the GOP. [Huffington Post]
Hoping to take advantage of that warfare, Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius's withdrawal from Cabinet consideration leads some people to believe she might try to run for the Senate when Republican Senator Sam "Snowflake Baby" Brownback runs for her seat. [Politico]
The 2008 Minnesota Senate race might even be done by then. [The Hill]
A grand jury is investigating possible corruption in New Mexico that might ensnare Commerce Secretary nominee (and current governor) Bill Richardson. How grabby were those hands? [Huffington Post]
Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. says he's been snitching to the feds about Blagojevich since last summer, when Blagojevich held up Jackson's wife's appointment to a state board for political donations. [Huffington Post]
Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer thinks that being a columnist for Slate "sucks" because he used to be a governor. Hey, asshole, with all these media layoffs, I'll bet they could find someone who would happily write a column for them! (My e-mail is on the masthead, by the way). [Politico]

Barack Obama Elected President Again!

Megan — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 18:30:00 EST

Enough states' electors have cast ballots for Obama by now that, today, he was officially elected President of the United States. [MSNBC]

He then celebrated by announcing his intention to make Nobel-winner Steven Chu the Secretary of Energy, Lisa Jackson the EPA Administration and Carol Browner to lead a White House council on climate change. [MSNBC]
He might also make Arne Duncan, the superintendent of the Chicago school system, his secretary of education. [NY Times]
He was going to release the results of an internal report that showed that no one had anything inappropriate to do with corrupt Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, but U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald asked him not to. [Huffington Post, Time]
Joe Biden tapped Time's Washington bureau chief, Jay Carney, for his communications director. [Politico]
Caroline Kennedy has decided she does really want to be the next Senator from New York, and even called Al Sharpton for his blessing or whatever it is you get from Al Sharpton. [Huffington Post, Politico]
Meanwhile, Lori Drew is still trying to get the charges against her dismissed. [Wired]
And a 4-year-old broke into a toy store to play with some toys. [Breitbart]

For Barack Obama, The Party's Never Really Getting Started

Megan — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 18:30:00 EST

For those of you expecting a week-long party to start off the Obama Administration, prepare to be disappointed. There will be one public event welcoming you to D.C. on Sunday afternoon. Monday will be a day of community service, and the Inauguration will occur on Tuesday out in the cold, followed by formal balls you're unlikely to get into without connections. But if you want to rent an apartment anyway, I have really nice towels. [Politico]
Barack Obama plans to announce the appointment of Clinton-era EPA Administrator Carol Browner to be the White House Energy Coordinator (they hate the word "Czar" as much as we do) and Nancy Sutley, a deputy mayor of Los Angeles, to be a chair of the White House Council on Environmental Quality. Sutley will be Obama's first openly gay Cabinet appointment. [Politico]
In the meantime, if you need some cheap electronics or office furniture, the McCain campaign has some they'll sell you cheap. [Washington Post]

As rumored yesterday, law enforcement sources have confirmed that Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. is Senate Candidate 5 from the Blagojevich indictment. [CNN]
He says he's done nothing wrong. [Politico]
Congressman Don Young, who is being investigated on corruption charges, is resigning the leadership role on the House Natural Resources Committee "for the good of the party." See, Chairman Rangel? It's actually kind of easy. [The Hill]
That auto bailout is finally done, but it still might not pass the Senate. [Fox News]
The Pentagon flew several of the family members of people who died in the September 11th attacks down to Gitmo to watch the tribunals and make Obama feel too guilty to shut it down and try the detainees in civilian and military courts on American soil with, like, rights and stuff. The families "marveled" at the rights the detainees do actually get in the tribunals (unlike in their holding pens). [Reuters]

Rod Blagojevich: Putting All Republi-Scandals To Shame

Megan — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 19:40:00 EST

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is free tonight on $4,500 bail and has absolutely no intention of resigning after being indicted on massive corruption and extortion charges. [CNN, Politico, Chicago Tribune]
Barack Obama said he'd had no contact with Blagojevich over the Senatorial appointment Blagojevich apparently was attempting to sell. [Huffington Post]
Blagojevich did, apparently, attempt to trade with SIEU President Andy Stern the appointment of Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett in exchange for a golden parachute into an SEIU-funded non-profit. Jarrett dropped out of the running shortly thereafter. [Marc Ambinder, Politico]
Contrary to early reports, Rahm Emanuel didn't tip off the U.S. Attorneys. [Talking Points Memo]

Other names that have been flushed out of the indictment by bloggers and reporters: Senate Candidate 2, who Blagojevich was reportedly using to fuck with Obama's team over Jarrett, was probably Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan; and Senate Candidate 5, with whom Blagojevich might have had the most serious quid-pro-quo conversation, might well have been Jesse Jackson, Jr. [Marc Ambinder, Marc Ambinder]
Obama might have said that he'd had no contact with Blagojevich over the seat, but Axelrod said otherwise a month ago. He's now saying he was mistaken. [ABC News]
The Illinois legislature is likely to move to impeach Blagojevich, obviously, and they may just change the law and hold a special election to fill Obama's seat. [Politico, The Hill]

Oh, you wanted other news? Fine.

Bill Clinton's going to disclose the names of the 200,000 donors to the Clinton Global Initiative by the end of the year. [Washington Post]
The Minnesota Court of Appeals is definitely, totally not going to let toe-tapping Senator Larry Craig withdraw his guilty plea. He'll continue claiming he is 100%, totally, utterly, without-a-doubt heterosexual and voting against LGBT rights. [CNN]
New York Governor David Paterson has agreed to consider United Federation of Teachers Randi Weingarten for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat after she contacted him and asked him to do so. If he did appoint her, she's be the first openly gay United States Senator. [New York Magazine]
Meanwhile, John McCain's going to appear on Letterman Thursday. [ABC News]

A Day Of Transitions For Everyone!

Megan — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:40:00 EST

Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius has removed her name from Cabinet consideration. [The Hill]
New York Governor David Paterson wants to be your next President because "Once you go black, you don't go back." [Politico]
Fred Thompson is so cheap that he's renting his apartment out for the inauguration. [Huffington Post]
The Supreme Court rejected the crazypants challenge to Obama's citizenship. [Politico]

Your tax dollars at work: the State Department is now on Twitter. [Washington Independent]
Karl Rove's gonna write a book about everyone who was mean to George Bush. Florists in D.C. are already planning on mass deliveries when the index is out. [CNN]
President Bush's new neighbors are concerned that their community might become a target after he moves in. Now they know how all the residents of D.C. feel. [Raw Story]
All the women out there who were concerned about Chris Matthews' run for the Senate in Pennsylvania might be able to breathe a sigh of relief. His brother doesn't think he'll leave television. [The New Republic, Politico]
Christie Hefner's apparently leaving Playboy Enterprises... to angle for a job with the Obama Administration? [Portfolio]
Israeli Interior Minister Meir Sheetrit is trying to grant Sandra Samuel, the Indian nanny who rescued Moeshe Holtzberg during the Mumbai terror attacks, the status of "Righteous among the Nations" to allow her to stay in Israel as long as she wishes. The honor is given to non-Jews who save the lives of Jews. [Associated Press]
Pakistan actually arrested one of the suspected Mumbai plotters, by the way. [Huffington Post]
In your official holiday-themed uplifting end to the roundup, homeless men at Detroit's Mariners Inn shelter and treatment center are raising $500 for each of 4 poor families they are adopting for the holidays. [Breitbart]

Obama Speechwriter Jon Favreau Has Grabbier Hands Than Bill Richardson

Megan — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:30:00 EST

Hottie Obama speechwriter Jon "No Relation" Favreau is embarrassed tonight, after this picture of him cupping a cardboard Hillary Clinton's boob was posted on Facebook. Clinton spokesman Phillippe Reines stole our hearts, though, when he responded, "Senator Clinton is pleased to learn of Jon's obvious interest in the State Department, and is currently reviewing his application." [Washington Post]
But is the picture faked? We've got some evidence after the jump.
Meanwhile, Caroline Kennedy has apparently actually talked to New York Governor David Paterson about taking Hillary Clinton's Senate Seat after she resigns. Kennedy is, reportedly, definitely interested. [Huffington Post, MSNBC]
Mitt Romney's wife, Ann, has a lumpectomy today for a Ductal Carcinoma In Sutu. It has not spread and she's already home with her family. Best wishes, Ann! [Politico]

Joe Biden hired left-wing progressive economist Jared Bernstein of the labor-backed Economic Policy Institute as he chief economics adviser. He's the new Don Quixote of the Administration. [Washington Independent]
U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan, who's been appointed all over the Bush Administration over the last 8 years, is refusing to do the traditional thing and resign her position in the Western District of Pennsylvania. Apparently, she wants to be able to file for unemployment along with the rest of us, so she's just got to be fired. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]
The Bush Justice Department reluctantly informed the Bush Defense Department that, despite the fact that the EPA is the least respected agency in the Administration, the Defense Department can't simply flip them the bird and refuse to clean up contaminated sites. The Defense Department then gave the Justice Department a wedgie. [Washington Post]
Jimmy Carter says that we've almost eradicated Guinea worm disease from the earth, since cases are at all all-time low. Almost 80 percent of the 4,410 cases reported this year were in the Sudan, though. Do not Google image search "Guinea worm disease" unless you have a very strong stomach. [MSNBC]
And, now to the photographic evidence that the Favreau-Clinton shot was completely faked. I, of all people, ought to know. It was me in the original.

[Yes, it's a joke. It's a Friday, and I'm just trying out Sheila's new math.]

Everything In The News Will Piss You Off Today, Puppies And Presidents Edition

Megan — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:30:00 EST

The Bushes spent about $3.7 million dollars on real estate in a pricey Dallas neighborhood, and boy, are you going to seethe with jealousy when you see the house the Presidency can buy you. [Washington Post, The Smoking Gun]
Italy is struggling with a rise in puppy smuggling due to a love of specific breeds and a declining economy. More than 70,000 puppies are smuggled into Italy every year, despite the fact that nearly a quarter of them die on the way and half die within a few months of arrival. There's a video. [BBC]
Pastor Rick Warren says the Bible calls us to invade Iran. I don't think it says what he thinks it says, but that might be because I read it for my own edification and not to use it to make zillions of dollars or justify my existence. [Washington Independent]

The recently-published jury instructions in the Lori Drew case make it more clear why she didn't get convicted of any felony counts. [Wired]
Fred Thompson recently promised that he was getting out of politics and going back to acting. He lied to you. [Time]
Conservative scribe and Earl of Minor Despair Bob Novak would totally out Valerie Plame again because the media was mean to him after his did so the first time. [Think Progress]
Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee doesn't think enough LGBT people have been beaten or killed while seeking equality in this country to qualify as a civil rights movement. Also, he thinks if they would just quit choosing to have teh buttsecks, they could have all the rights they ever wanted. [Think Progress]
Some wacky Republicans who probably spend a portion of their time bitching about tort reform and vexatious litigation are filing lawsuits upon lawsuits about Barack Obama's birth certificate because blah blah blah crazytown nonsense. [Honolulu Advertiser]
Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison, she of the horror of women who don't always wear stockings, is going to challenge Texas Governor Rick Perry in the 2010 gubernatorial primary because she doesn't think he's Republican-y enough. [Dallas Morning News]
Sarah Palin is totally snubbing Oprah, because Real Americans would definitely go talk to Larry King first. [Huffington Post]
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, with an assist from Governor General Michaëlle Jean, has shut down the Canadian Parliament to keep from being thrown out of office. And here you were all worried that George W. Bush was going to be the one to try to upend the democracy he supposedly serves. [NY Times]

It's Going To Be An Oprah-guration!

Megan — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:30:00 EST

Oprah Winfrey is talking her show on the road to D.C. during the Inauguration. Let the speculation begin about which members of the new Administration will be appearing. [Access Hollywood]
Congress is going to pass a law to reduce the salary of the Secretary of State to block Republican efforts to keep Hillary Clinton from serving on Constitutional grounds. So much for pay equity in an Obama Administration. [Talking Points Memo]
Al Franken says he's pulled ahead of Norm Coleman in the Minnesota Senate race. [Politico]

Bill Richardson didn't win any points with Barack Obama when he showed up at the presser announcing his appointment sans beard. [Washington Post, CNN]
But could the Commerce Department just be a stepping stone on Bill Richardson's path to his beloved State Department? [Washington Independent]
Barack Obama told all the ambassadors appointed by Bush to be out by January 20th.There's no word whether the ambassadors to India or Pakistan might be staying on. [Washington Post]
By the way, the Mumbai terrorists were high as shit on coke and LSD the entire time they were killing people. [Boing Boing]
Possibly also high as shit was Karl Rove, who told a roomful of New Yorkers that George Bush is totally not the worst President in modern history. [Washington Times]
Eliot Spitzer will begin penning a finance-and-government column for Slate. It won't talk about financing high-end sex with prostitution while being in government. [New York Observer via Attackerman]
The anti Prop 8 folks get every actor you've ever seen to act in a musical. [Funny Or Die]

Caroline May Be The Only One Who Doesn't Want Hillary's Senate Seat

Megan — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 18:40:00 EST

The race for who will ultimately lose to New York Governor David Paterson's desire to appoint state Attorney General Andrew "Shucking And Jiving Is Not A Racist Phrase" Cuomo to Hillary Clinton's Senate seat is on! Bill Clinton, Nita Lowey and Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. are out, Caroline Kennedy might be in. [CNN, The Hill, New York Times, The New Republic]
Senator Lisa Murkowski told Governor Sarah Palin not to even think about the 2010 primary, but plans to kick her designer-clad ass if she does. [Politico]
Governor Bill McGrabbyhand Richardson will be your next Secretary of Commerce. [Washington Post]

Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, imitating Clinton, Kennedy and Lowey, swears that he asked to not be considered by Obama for a Cabinet position.[LA Times]
Al Franken might really be closing the gap in his never-ending race for Minnesota's Senate seat. [The Hill]
A judge in Texas has thrown out the crazytown indictments against Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales, as if that were unexpected. [Huffington Post]
The Canadian government is in turmoil because of the financial crisis, so the Prime Minister is going to try to get the Governor General to suspend Parliament while he cuts some commercials and this sounds all way more complicated than it probably needs to be. Hooray for the separation of powers. [Reuters]
Still wondering why the financial crisis happened? Moe Tkacik digs out this little tidbit from the biography of former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill, when he tried to sell 19 financial sector CEOs on the Sarbanes-Oxley requirements that they sign off on their own financial statements: "I would resign rather than be expected to know everything that's going on in my company. It's just not tenable," said an unnamed financial-services CEO. "That's what I have a board for, that 's what I have a chief financial officer for. I simply can't be held responsible for what all of those people do." Well, I guess that explains it. [Slate]

The Economy Sucks, Condi Has No Advice And Saxby Chambliss Is A Perv

Megan — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:30:00 EST

Now that it's been a full year of shitty economic news, we are officially in a recession and have been for a year. Aren't you glad to know? [MSNBC]
The market is not glad to know, and it slid almost 700 points after learning the obvious. [NY Times]
In other obvious news, Condoleezza Rice doesn't plan to give much advice to Hillary Clinton. What advice she does give, we're guessing Clinton doesn't plan on following. [MSNBC]
Bill Clinton is pretty happy about Hillary's nomination, though. [Real Clear Politics]

White people at CNN just don't know 'bout Susan Rice, our soon-to-be Ambassador to the UN. [Think Progress]
Joe Biden gave his first post-election speech today, so people wouldn't forget that he's about to be VP. [Politico]
Palin talked, too, at a rally for Saxby Chambliss, so people wouldn't forget that she wanted to be VP before she wanted to be President. [Politico]
Saxby Chambliss pervily grabbed himself some incestuous tween side-boob in a new commercial. [Indecision 2008]
The Department of Homeland Security is more fucked up than watching Saxby Chambliss feel his tween granddaughter's breast. [Boston Globe]
LGBT rights organization Impact-Florida plans to protest Governor Charlie Crist's (fey, if not gay) marriage this weekend, because protesting breeder weddings is a good plan to get more voters on your side. [The Sun Coast News]
The cherub-faced Chairman of the FCC, Kevin Martin, wants to force the winner of a new wireless auction to set aside a portion of its win for free, porn-free wifi. Apparently, Republicans are all into not regulating the market until it comes to porn, when they get are regulatory up in there. [Silicon Alley Insider]
Former Clintonista Phil Singer thinks Chris Matthews should get off the air if he's going to start campaigning for Arlen Specter's Senate seat. [Politico]
Tina Brown thinks Rachel Maddow should get the coveted Meet The Press chair, among other, non-boring people. [Daily Beast]
With Hillary Clinton's imminent resignation from her Senate seat, two names keep popping up: New York Attorney General Andrew "Shucking And Jiving Is Not A Racist Term, I Swear" Cuomo and Bill Clinton. And you thought nothing could get you to vote for Bill again. [The Hill, CNN]

Mumbai Still Burning, World Still Turning

Megan — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 11:00:00 EST

The fighting that began Wednesday in Mumbai is continuing today. Nearly 200 people have been confirmed dead so far, with almost 300 others injured. Militants are still fighting and holding (and killing) hostages in the Taj Mahal hotel and in a Jewish community center. [NY Times, Huffington Post, NY Times]
Barack Obama has issued a statement condemning the attacks. [Washington Post]
The Iraqi Parliament has passed the Status of Forces Agreement, which could have us out by 2010, but will have us out no later than 2012. [Washington Independent]
In other news, former First Lady Barbara Bush has been moved out of the ICU following surgery to repair a perforated stomach ulcer. [CNN]

The Vatican says that cell phones and the Internet are killing our souls. Fuck, seriously, is there anything fun you're allowed to do as a Catholic anymore? (Click through for a bonus picture of Pope Benedict in a funny, non-Pope hat.) [Telegraph]
Iowa's Supreme Court will hear an equal protection challenge to its gay marriage ban, which may or may not invalidate the marriage of the 2 people who managed to get married in the 9 business hours the ban was struck down before the court issued a stay. [LA Times]
The police have charged someone in the murder of Arkansas reporter Anne Pressley, who was beaten to death in her home last month. Despite the extreme level of violence that police initially said indicated it could be someone that knew and hated her, it turns out it was a random attack by a violent psycho named Curtis Lavelle Vance. [MSNBC]
Mitchell Wade, the former defense contractor who bribed the shit out of former Congressman Duke Cunningham, apparently bribed other people and is singing like a canary. He's implicated at least 5 other thus-far-unnamed Congressmen and various other government officials. [Washington Post]
The Congressional probe of all of Ways and Means Committee Chairman Charlie Rangel's (D-New York) shady business dealings will be done before the new Congress is sworn in, according to Nancy Pelosi. This means, in all likelihood, that he'll get a slap on the wrist and continue on as Chairman, which is how it always worked when the Republicans ran Congress that Pelosi promised to change when she came to power. [Washington Post]
Now that Democrats have voted to keep Joe Lieberman in his position of power atop the Senator Homeland Security Committee, someone bothered to notice that he gave a bunch of money to Republican Senatorial candidates, too. [Washington Post]
Jill Biden might keep teaching at a D.C.-area community college as Second Lady, which would make her the first Second Lady to carry on with a paying job after moving into the Vice Presidential Mansion. Also, she's probably cooler than you even thought she was. [Politico]
And although Hillary Clinton hasn't officially been offered or officially accepted a gig as Secretary of State in the Obama Administration, let alone resigned her Senate seat, New York State Attorney General (and enormous asshole) Andrew Cuomo has already begun a whisper campaign to make himself the front runner in the race to be appointed to the seat. Earlier this year, Andrew Cuomo referred to Barack Obama with a racial slur, which his staff rushed to cover up and intimidate bloggers and reporters from covering, swearing that the racially-loaded term "shucking and jiving" was no such thing. Hopefully, someone reminds Governor David Patterson of this every time he gets a damn phone call encouraging him to appoint Andrew Cuomo to anything. [NY Times, Pam's House Blend]

For Thanksgiving, Some Heavy News For Reflection And Fluff For Dessert

Megan — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 18:30:00 EST

Armed gunman in India today attacked 7 different sites in Mumbai in a reported attempt to kill as many Americans and Brits as possible, not that they spared any Indians while they were killing. At least 78 people lost their lives. [Huffington Post]
In addition, the FBI has information that al Qaeda may have discussed attacking subways and trains in and around New York City this holiday weekend. People in New York should expect an increased security presence. [Huffington Post]
On the eve of a holiday dedicated to stuffing one's face with rich food, it is important to note that the number of Americans on food stamps is expected to reach an all time high this month. It's something to chew on with your turkey, and then give thanks that you're either not one of those Americans, or, if you are, that the anti-government Republicans didn't manage to dismantle at least that part of our important but much-maligned "welfare" state. [Washington Post]

Al Franken today lost a fight to have 12,000 rejected absentee ballots counted during the recount in the Minnesota Senate race. [CNN]
Noted John McCain fan Ayman al-Zawahiri is now complaining about the media's pro-Obama bias, while Republicans everywhere are sliently praying that he'll shut the fuck up again so they can go back to saying that. [Huffington Post]
Hot Obama speechwriter Jon "Not that Jon Favreau" Favreau will keep his job writing speeches for Obama and his side gig in being hot. [NY Times]
Obama has additionally launched a new website for Americans to discuss aspects of health care reform. Yes, you can. [Huffington Post, Change.gov]
There is a woman in Ohio who keeps a blog devoted to Brian Williams' ties, which wouldn't totally be news because there's a blog for everything, only Brian Williams admits to peeking at it. He has not, however, changed his sartorial choices in the face of it. [Associated Press]
MTV is throwing its own (televised) inaugural gala on Inauguration Night, which will be attended by "celebrities" and "government officials." This is not to be confused with any of the gazillion official Inaugural Balls that Barack and Michelle Obama will actually be attending. [Associated Press]
Malia (10) and Sasha (7) Obama still send Christmas lists to Santa, so Barack Obama had to be careful not to spill the beans about who buys their gifts. Memo to Obama: Malia might know, but just not be willing to admit it. It's the curse of being the older daughter. [Associated Press]

Hank Williams Jr. Pains Our Ears, And Our Brains

Megan — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 18:30:00 EST

Hank Williams Jr., who we started studiously ignoring after he murdered our national anthem during a Palin rally, has decided that he's not quite done with being part of a losing campaign and will challenge Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander in the primary for the 2010 race. [Politico]
Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Cindy Lederman today threw out Florida's 31-year-old law prohibiting LGBT Floridians from adopting children, noting that there was no scientific evidence to support the ban and Florida allows LGBT people to foster children. The state plans to appeal. [Wall Street Journal]
Barack Obama is adopting, too, and not just a puppy he's adopting current Defense Secretary Robert Gates for his own Administration. [ABC News]

Obama also named David Orszag, currently head of the Congressional Budget Office, to head up his Office of Management and the Budget. He will be the first blogger to join the Administration. [The Hill, Washington Post]
One person who won't be part of the Administration is former CIA official John Brennan, who took himself out of the running for any Administration position after being pilloried on the blogosphere for stuff he wasn't a part of. [Washington Independent]
If you were missing Sarah Palin, she's all over the news today, between receiving an award from Field and Stream, heading to Georgia to campaign for Saxby Chambliss and being laughed at by South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. [Politico, New York Times, Huffington Post]
Joe The Motherfucking Plumber is back on the teevees, too, hawking digital converter boxes. When will those two crazy kids ever get it together and admit they belong together... and out of my field of vision? [Wonkette]
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal hopes it's soon, so he can kick his Presidential campaign into high gear at last. Yeah, we're turning into that kind of political system. [LA Times]
Not that this election is actually over yet, as Al Franken's just a little concerned that some officials are squirreling away valid ballots to keep Norm Coleman in office. You'd think it was a paranoid fantasy, but he's got video. [Politico]