"I Think He Ought To Kiss Johnny Edwards On The Lips to Kill This 41-Point Loss..."

• Flip-flop! (Said our hearts.) John Edwards went back on his promise not to endorse anyone. Edwards adviser David "Mudcat" Saunders is to blame for the quote. Because maybe if Barry did something homo they would give up thinking he was Muslim? [CNN]
  
• Some hints that this was coming. [Atlantic]
  
• Will it ruin Ed Rendell's nice plan for Obama to ask Hillary to be his running mate? [CNN]
  
• Look, Hillary is doing her nicest to change the minds of all those supporters of hers who will do anything to avoid voting for the Muslim guy! [CNN]
  
• I'm thinking Obama should not broach the subject by calling her "sweetie." [Time

Hillary Wins The Folks Who Use The Term 'Darkie' Vote

• Well aren't these latest specimens of Obamiana charming? Yeah, no. Fuck Georgia! [Radar]
  
• Wait, actually: "Hang that darkie from a tree" was the sentiment of one voter in Pennsylvania, just one of many grim examples of shocking racism Obama campaign workers have encountered but played down until now... [CNN]
  
• And yeah, she won. [CNN

Yeah, Your Day Wasn't Really That Bad After All

• The Sichuan earthquake has probably killed 9,000 people, and let 80 tons of toxic liquid ammonia out into the streets, but if I know you guys it's the panda stuff that is really going to get to you. [Wash Post]
  
• But — thanks investment banks! — it probably won't have that big an impact on the economy! [WSJ]
  
• Or Beijing's standing as the number one toilet metropolis. [Xinhua]
  
• Meanwhile in Burma the UN is projecting a death toll of 100,000, and Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon can't get junta leader Than Shwe on the phone so he actually just sent a letter, and the US is still trying to get them to accept aid at all...[Wash Post]
  
• Hillary is going to win the white vote by landslide margins in West Virginia because they're still coming to grips with the notion of the first Muslim president down there. [FT]
  
• Well it's about time Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson vowed lifelong commitment.[US Weekly]

The World, Too, Is Bipolar

• Hillary Clinton won't wear Donna Karan anymore because it makes her look too well-dressed. Four words, Hillary: Nancy Pelosi is Speaker. [Times UK]
  
• Nader wants to to save half of your tax return and give him the other half so he can hopefully get McCain elected. Man, fuck that guy. [Boston Globe]
  
• It's okay, though, because oil is now $126 a barrel, a new record, so you'll just have to spend it on that anyway. [Washington Times]

The "And You Thought Yesterday Was Bad" Edition

• After last night's fellatio-esque interview of John McCain, reporters ask Jon Stewart if he's a real journalist and if he should've tried harder to ask a real question. No, and yes. [Comedy Central, Time, Rolling Stone]
  
• No one really cares, though, because Hillary might not actually stay in the race until August. [NY Times]
  
• And there is one economist who agrees with her gas tax plan, but only because this example of blatant electoral pandering is the method of blatant electoral pandering likely to do the least harm of all the harmful ways to blatantly pander to the electorate. [NY Times]
  
• Oh, and some New York Congressman got his mistress pregnant three years ago and has a secret love child and is a drunk driver. Even married Republicans lose when it comes to abstinence-only education. [NY Times]

The Oh, Hell No Afternoon

• New York City police arrested Al Sharpton, Sean Bell's fiancée, Nicole Paultre Bell, and hundreds of other protesters today for staging prayer sessions at the exits of Manhattan in protest over the acquittal of the cops that shot Mr. Bell. Because, obviously, inconveniencing others to protest the loss of life means you should spend time at Rikers. Why did they have to make me like Al Sharpton? [NY Times]
  
• Hillary's staying in the race despite the hellishly long odds, hoping that Barack will fuck it up and she can convince the superdelegates to anoint her the candidate. [NY Times]
  
• To that end, she had an unannounced meeting in Washington with many of them behind closed doors. There's nothing sketchy-looking about that to the average voter though. [The Atlantic]

Oh Yay! Another Win-Win Situation!

• "It was tough. I showered twice, I threw up a little bit in my mouth, but I did it." [Boston Globe]
  
• "I'll probably go in there and flip a coin." [Wash Post]
  
• What a surprise! Voters are primarily worried about the economy. [Yahoo! News]
  
• Obama won North Carolina, but everyone knew that would happen! [Wonkette]
  
• Clinton (probably) won Indiana, but everyone knew that would happen too! [WSJ]
  
• Clinton probably won Indiana because a lot of people in Indiana are really old. [MSNBC]

Laura Bush Talks Myanmar, Marriage

• Laura Bush gave a speech about Burma a.k.a. Myanmar and disaster preparedness and Jenna's wedding. Her lipstick was very well-applied. More than 10,000 people may die as a result of the cyclone. Harry built a limestone altar in Texas especially for the wedding. It will be "permanent" in contrast to many of the structures in Myanmar, where limestone and most other things are in short supply. The ruling junta is holding a referendum this weekend to solidify its control of their dirt- poor, isolated disaster zone and I guess this means they win. Governments that are more efficient when it comes to killing citizens than warning about floods always win in the short term. And also the medium term. [Huffington Post]
  
• Hey, speaking of nuptials/Third World personalities! Mariane Pearl might be Angelina Jolie's maid of honor. [Times Of India]
  
• The primary was so ugly, John and Cindy McCain couldn't bring themselves to vote for a candidate in 2000. [Huffington Post]
  
• Kind of similar situation with John and Elizabeth Edwards and Hillary and Obama. [TPM]

The National Magazine Awards: 3 Hours Better Spent Reading Magazines

Cindi Leive, the editor-in-chief of Glamour and president of the American Society of Magazine Editors, is very attractive. She is very well-liked. She is, by all accounts — and I have more accounts of Leive's bedside manner than I ever asked for — a terribly nice, and intelligent, person. But Glamour is a essentially dumb and frivolous magazine and that fact, coupled with its nomination in the largest-circulation General Excellence category, probably inspired me to pay particular attention to her speech at last night's generally boring National Magazine Awards. And Cindi obliged my cynicism, opening the ceremony with comment to the effect of thanking all the ASME judges for all the many thousands of hours they put in reading magazines. "Thousands of hours of work," was, I believe, the phrase she used, followed by something to the effect of said "work" being performed, voluntarily, by very high-placed and important editors.

7 Reasons This Is Not A Recession

Let's Be Honest Barry; He Kept On Playing Games And The Loving Was Not The Same

• Barack Obama rejected/denounced his old friend Jeremiah Wright on television today on the advice of certain wise commenters and also prominent columnists and locking in a critical majority of my family members. Watching it was less fun than watching him shake the dirt off his shoulder but as Jigga would say "so necessary." [Wonkette]
  
• So the question remains: why the fuck did Jeremiah Wright give all those damaging, yammering unyielding undermining speeches? Newt Gingrich thinks he's just jealous. [ABC News]
  
• Though maybe he was just testing God? [Chicago Tribune]
  
• And Barack Obama finally de-friended him...only after consulting some cynical pollsters? Take it from a Republican. [JohnLocke.org]
  
• An African-American studies professor from a long line of Mormons wishes Mitt Romney was around so everyone else could be reminded how tame black liberation theology is next to some of the fun ideas Joseph Smith had. [TheRoot]

Jeremiah Wright: Still The Least Of Our Problems, But Our Problems Kind Of Suck

• "He's obviously a well-educated, sincere man who has done good work in building Trinity United Church of Christ. But, to borrow a phrase that Wright might have used in one of his sermons, his rant at the Press Club demonstrates, that he is also a damn fool." [TheRoot]
  
• Surely I wasn't the only one who detected some philosophical ideological undertones to the Lauren Conrad-Heidi Montag feud, but both actually turn out to support bombing Iran. [NY Mag]
  
• Perhaps because Iran recently condemned Barbie dolls. [NYT]
  
• The Fed's bailout of Bear Stearns is the "worst policy mistake of the generation." Well, I mean, we pointed that out already, but when a former Fed head of monetary affairs says so it's apparently "news." [WSJ]
  
• It was a real delusion. It was like [former New York Gov. Eliot] Spitzer: "I am doing something dangerous, but because of who I am, and how smart I am, it is not going to come back to haunt me." -89-year-old financial manager and historian Peter Bernstein. [WSJ]
  
• And now we've got 18.6 million vacant homes on our hands! [Wonkette]

The Obama Attack Ad Too "Extreme" For John McCain!

• "They're not listening to me because they're out of touch with reality and the Republican Party. We are the party of Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan and this kind of campaigning is unacceptable. I've done everything that I can to repudiate and to see that this kind of campaigning does not continue." That's the seventysomething presumptive nominee for the Republican presidential candidate, who may just be sufficiently out of touch with the party of Strom Thurmond, Tom DeLay and Dick Cheney to win the election, on the not-so-subtle Obama attack ad you can watch after the jump. [Reuters]
  
• And you fucking know what? We'll be bombing Iran and the hedge funds will have figured out how to directly short-sell human life but at least we will have a president who wants to put an end to this shit. [WSJ]
  
• Here's an inspiring story for those of you who have ever been fired and worry you'll never get another job in this economy (what with consumer confidence at a 26-year-low) because you have a criminal record and/or lost your last company $7 billion or something like that: Jerome Kerviel got a job! [WSJ]

"And By The Way, Guess Who Goes To His Church, Hint, Hint, Hint?"

• Rev. Jeremiah Wright is going on PBS tomorrow night to reflect on his newfound fame. "I think they wanted to communicate that I am unpatriotic, that I am un-American, that I am filled with hate speech, that I have a cult at Trinity United Church of Christ. And by the way, guess who goes to his church, hint, hint, hint?" [NYT]
  
• OMG who's winning in Indiana???? Check this space back at 11 p.m. for the results of the very latest poll. [Indianapolis Star]
  
• Speaking of Indiana, its local media went all the way to the Evansville Abercrombie to solve the mystery of the Aberdudes. Reportedly, they're neither gay nor did they plan their outfits that way. Times like this you really wish Toqueville was around but maybe we'll be in shape to fully fathom that tomorrow. [NYT]
  
• John McCain made the outlandishly courageous decision to distance himself from the Bush Administration with regards to its handling of Katrina. [Wash Post]

Dear America, Maybe Leave The Hoarding To Countries That Can't Live Off Their Fat For A Few Months?

• "It is just unreal what can happen when we get fear being spread as it is now, and when the general populace goes out and starts doing idiotic things like lining up at the Sam's Club and the Costco and not buying one bag but buying 10 bags just because they might run out." [WSJ]
  
• "It is shocking that people are now speculating on increases in food prices. Banks are telling their clients to bet on soaring prices. The result is that there is now an incentive for speculators to create food shortages. Casino capitalism has taken a seat at the table of the poor.[Economist]
  
• (Rice, corn and wheat prices have risen 180 percent in the last three years.) [Der Spiegel]
  
• The Egyptian army is baking bread; the Philippines is making rice hoarding punishable by life in prison. "For the middle classes," says Ms Sheeran, "it means cutting out medical care. For those on $2 a day, it means cutting out meat and taking the children out of school. For those on $1 a day, it means cutting out meat and vegetables and eating only cereals. And for those on 50 cents a day, it means total disaster." [Economist]
  
• And for Starbucks, it means measly 12% revenue growth. [WSJ]
  
• For Haiti, dominoes and moonshine. [NYT]
  
• OMG but will it mean the end for weak beer? [WSJ]

Everything Is Disappointing, Everyone Is Disappointed

• Fabulous CNN reporter Richard Quest (my pretend British boyfriend), was picked up early this morning in Central Park and charged with possessing meth. Oh, Richard. You already overcame the hazards of British dentistry once, why would you risk your teeth again? [NY Times]
  
• In what is rapidly becoming a roll call of disappointment, journalists call out Snuffleupagus and Charlie Gibson for their shoddy debate performance. Isn't it elitist to care if the debate was less than substantive, guys? [The Nation]
  
• Speaking of things that are bound to disappoint others, Bill Clinton's former Labor Secretary Robert Reich endorsed Obama today. For those people counting, that's now five former Clinton Cabinet secretaries (Reich, Richardson, Peña, Daley and Mineta) supporting Obama and 2 openly supporting Clinton (Albright and Cisneros). You may hate the Bushies, but, damn, do they understand loyalty better than the Clintonistas. [Robert Reich's Blog via NY Magazine, HuffPo, WaPo, HuffPo and HillaryClinton.com]

"Smack Dat" Will Never Sound The Same Again

• Hip-hop stars, like memoirists, are often accused of embellishing their criminal histories to seem "authentic," but the story of how Senegal-raised Akon manufactured an elaborate fake past replete with car chases, a high-end car theft ring, prison rivalries, and a fictional 75-year sentence that somehow got reduced to two fictional years all so you'd never forget the song "Smack Dat" is... amazing. [The Smoking Gun]
  
• Aliza Shvarts has been obsessed with her uterine lining ever since the Ming Dynasty. [Little Red Book]
  
• The Pope met with five or six of the 1,000 known victims of pedophile priests in the Boston Archdiocese. [AP]
  
• Sometimes Barack Obama gets crap for all his subtle, highfalutin references to controversial thinkers like Marx, but this time... from the bleachers they screamin.' [Attackerman]

Pope Offers Pro-Choice Politicians A Very Light Snack

• Oh my GOD POLITICIANS WHO UPHOLD THE RIGHT TO A BABYKILLING RECEIVED THE BODY OF CHRIST DESPITE KILLING BABIES. What is next, women who actually have submitted their wombs to this murderous murder method? The abortion doctors themselves? WHAT IF THE VIRGIN MARY HAD MADE THIS SO CALLED "CHOICE"?? No one would have believed her rape kit! [AP]
  
• Oh fuck, a debate tonight. [Philly]
  
• With apologies to SinisterRouge...[Huffington Post]
  
• And here's a concession: Barry started wearing the flag pin again. Authentic! [LAT]
  
• Maybe he is just proud of the country for embracing its own bitterness and John McCain for praising his race speech and Hillary Clinton for getting drunk. Hey, I'm proud almost proud myself... [AP]
  
• Which brings us to...where can you see the word "fuck" more than Jezebel? Our military barracks' bathrooms in the Middle East. A fucking awesome photo essay. [Walrus]