MOE: Hey I'm sick AGAIN today. I had nightmares all night about how hellish it would be to actually wake up and do Crappy Hour. And in the nightmares Hillary Clinton kept reminding me of what Tina Fey had to say about the Obama campaign. "Don't you respect Tina Fey's opinion? Don't you side with the strong woman? And I had the chills and the sweats and finally relented and agreed to vote for her in Texas.

MEGAN: And I'll bet no one asked you if you wanted another pillow!
Also, I'm sorry you're still sick!
Apparently I'm already addicted to exclamation points!

MOE: Yeah you'd think my lifestyle habits were poor or something!

So did you watch?

MEGAN: Yes, but I caught the midnight replay. I left the house for the initial run and, like, actually talked to an actual human that I could actually see.
It was so annoying.

MOE: I did that too! But I am actually so sick I couldn't partake in the open bar. I actually didn't want to. I met the FUG girls who were having a book party. They're both Obama supporters!

MEGAN: Ooh, the Fug Girls! I'm so jealous! They seem like they're fun. Was Intern George there?
Also, I thought there was a requirement that women in California vote for Hillary?
OMG, did they just show this commercial in New York??

MOE: I know! I was surprised; they went with their First Lady instead of our old one. I do not know who this Intern George person is. But yes they were very nice and fun. I could barely hear them because I"m so congested.And they definitely did not show that commercial.

MEGAN: Someone actually contributed money to make and run commercials about the surveillance law! I guess us DC market people are just lucky.
(I meant on CNN)
Intern George is George Clooney.

MOE: They were totally playing one of those commercials with the songs that get stuck in your head even though you have no idea what the commercial is for; probably a life insurance company.
What's the terror surveillance bill?

MEGAN: That's the warrantless wiretapping bill, the one that Bush won't sign unless it contains retroactive immunity for telephone companies who illegally participated in it.
So Harry "Pussy" Reid passed the version Bush wanted and left it up to Nancy to tell Bush to shove it up his ass.
Which, for once, she did.

MOE: Ah yes.
I think Google knows a lot more about us than the government ever will.
The beauty of the private sector.

MEGAN: And now they have commercials, which apparently they only show in the DC market, buying cheap local cable time.

MOE: Remember when 9/11 happened? Two of those guys has been put on a terror watch list by the CIA because they had been recorded at an Al Qaeda meeting in Jakarta, and yet they entered LAX anyway. Those were the days.

MEGAN: Well, I mean, we're hoping those were the days, which is why we subject ourselves to shoeless security and redick small bottles of things. I am not convinced that it's not 90% luck.

MOE: Okay, so other things besides that boring debate happened last night. Am I right that this was the best part?

"I have been very clear in my denunciation" of Farrakhan's past anti-Semitic remarks, Obama said.
Clinton jumped in to note that, in her 2000 Senate campaign, she had gone to greater lengths to distance herself from people who had made anti-Semitic remarks. "There's a difference between denouncing and rejecting," Clinton said, implying that Obama had not gone far enough. "I just think we've got to be even stronger."

6 minutes
MOE: Interestingly, Andrew Sullivan seems to think it was his worst moment. Anyway, we should probably discuss Sullivan for a bit because he's the one who alerted me to this Newsday piece about Hillary's defense of an accused rapist. And all the commenters were like "Andrew Sullivan hates women that's why he's spreading these lies" so whatever, let's just focus on the Newsday piece. One one hand, Hillary was being a public defender. On the other hand, she seems to have pulled falsehoods from her ass about the victim's — the 12-year-old victim's — history of crying wolf and seeking solace in the arms of older men etc. etc. What say you?

MEGAN: My first thought is: I don't think indigent defendants are normally allowed to make requests about the genders of their court appointed attorneys, and if I had more time I would call my ex the court-appointed criminal defense lawyer and ask. But I'll bet JD Regent knows.

MOE: It's also kind of odd; they talk to the victim, now 46, who is in prison (?) And she says she was raped, she had no history, but she figures Hillary was just doing her job. Also, she had not put two and two together.

MEGAN: My reading of the article says: not stable home life. Plus, being raped 30 years ago, stigma, etc. And she admits to having had sex with a 15 year old minutes before the old guy raped her.
Which didn't help anything.

MOE: Well, as a sixth grader the victim was in the position to get up around midnight, go get liquored up and then hang out at an all-night bowling alley for several hours. Most of us weren't in that position in sixth grade.

MEGAN: With a 15 year old, a 20 year old and a 40 year old. Yes. In the 6th grade I was watching Freddy movies and drinking Coke with my girlfriends during sleepovers. And Melanie, who had taken modeling classes, was teaching us make up and probably curling my hair.
I dunno, this is why my ex and I never talked about whether he defended any rapists. It's an adversarial system. It's required to provide a vigorous defense. It sounds like the prosecutor wimped out, though.

MOE: I think I still liked The Little Mermaid when I was twleve.
Yeah also: everyone seems to have died and a bunch of evidence was washed away in a flood.
It's kind of — heh — a wash

MEGAN: Except for the meth-addled lady. I hope she finds a job and goes back to counseling and shit.

es
MOE: Ugh, yeah, so the victim is now living in a halfway house after stealing a bunch of checks from her boss to buy drugs. She's fucked up and harbors Hillary no ill will. And neither do I, in this case, it's just a sad story about some dregs of society types. Okay, moving on, do we want to discuss how David Duke doesn't really have any issues with Obama? Does it mean Obama is not REALLY BLACK?

MEGAN: No! They just hate white people who support him more than they hate him! Ooooh, Moe, you're in trouble!
Oh, and it's the Jews' fault, naturally.
LOL, it basically all comes down to the fact that they hate Hillary SO MUCH they'd rather have a black President.
I'm wiping away a tear, now.

MOE: Hahaha I wonder why Obama didn't use the white supremacist angle in the little Farakkhan tussle last night:

[U]ltimately he's just another Jew puppet," concludes another Stormfront commenter. "I look at his foreign advisers," adds David Duke. "[They're] Israeli supremacists. He's even got Dennis Ross!"

MEGAN: Man, don't people get, like, sick of blaming the Jews for everything?

MOE: Hahahaha what if they did? A few years and they wouldn't have any issues to speak of. What's this Bill Cunningham shit by the way? Who fucking cares about this guy?

He goes on an anti-Obama rant in praise of McCain, McCain gives a speech saying, "uh, speak for yourself," and Cunningham joins the Coulter Clinton coalition. Jesus Christ.

MEGAN: Oh, that guy. Psycho.
He's like, YOU WILL NOT KEEP ME FROM INSULTING BARRY HUSSEIN AT YOUR RALLIES!!!
HUSSEIN!!! HUSSEIN!!! HE'S MUSLIM!!!

I swear he got some spittle on the camera lens at the end there.
MOE: Oh man, this is an uplifting story.
MEGAN: Kids, don't post pictures of yourself in your undies on the internet and run for office.

MOE: Okay so I'm reading this story about the New York Philharmonic's visit to our favorite Stalinist dictatorship and it's reminding me that yesterday's Crappy Hour got like 600 comments. I was scared to figure out what that was about.
MEGAN: It wasn't about the relative merits of the national anthem or Gershwin, I can tell you that much.
MOE: Well the trip sounds pretty typically disturbing. Their combination of deeply impoverished and thoroughly brainwashed always got to me.

MEGAN: I mean, I think when you're that poor and that hungry, political rights are sort of secondary.

MOE: Ehhhh, there are political rights and freedoms and then there's, you know, basic freedom of thought and like, perception of reality and the presence of dynamism. Also it's so fucking cold. I'm thinking North Korea is probably the worst place in the world.

MEGAN: It definitely seems really miserable from over here. But maybe there are some places in Africa that are worse? I'm not sure better weather can make up for marauding machete-wielding mutilating mobs and rape squads and stuff — though, I guess that could be going on in North Korea and we wouldn't know.

MOE: That's true; I don't think they're into genital mutilation either. Maybe we should do a poll.

MEGAN: I hear the weather really does suck in North Korea, though.

MEGAN: Oooh, oooh, so the woman ABC is suggesting started the photo controversy (though she denies)? A Washington lobbyist previously identified as in charge of Hillary's unsuccessful Drudge outreach initiative.

MOE: I love that they called that an "initiative." You wonder how they burned through all that cash and it's hard to conclude it wasn't by setting up "initiatives" to achieve such complex tasks as leaking shit to Drudge.

MEGAN: Because, really, you know Tracy wasn't doing that for free. She's a lobbyist.

MOE: So have you been paying attention to these mailer scandals? And did you read Michelle Obama's thesis? Because those things seem to be the only things we haven't discussed that are not "hey did you see that story about Hillary losing?"
 
MEGAN: Can we call them "scandals"?
 But, yes
Basically, according to the Post, he's using a Newsweek characterization of her feelings (a "boon").
  She's likewise taking his shit out of context
And neither one of them hates it as much as the unions.
  
Also, one time I lobbied a pro-union Congress member on a trade agreement and he told me and the other lobbyist I was with that he couldn't vote for the one we wanted because he'd just met with the unions and they told him they were mad that "NAFTA sent their jobs to China."
And I was like, um, sir, did you perchance correct that ever-so-slightly inaccurate impression that the North American Free Trade Agreement doesn't include China? And he laughed at me.

MOE: Hahahaha WOW. I don't even know what to say about that. Can you even isolate which trade agreement lost which jobs? Or like, what about fast track? OH, I know what we were supposed to discuss
Oh yes, I Refuse To Buy Into The Obama Hype

MEGAN: Ok, well, I applaud her research.
  
That's a lot of it.
Though she misses the fact that resolutions have no real force of law, but, good. And, um, well, I don't do that much bill research unless someone is paying me.
 
MOE: Um like I'm so glad re: "S.RES.222 : A resolution supporting the goals and ideals of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month."
Oh are you watching CNN?
I didn't realize it had gotten so mean!
 
MEGAN: Oh, and everyone? The next time you get that Lifetime TV breast cancer bill forwarded email? Delete it. It's a PR campaign for Lifetime and the bill never passes. It just racks up co-sponsors and nver goes anywhere because no one really cares.
 
MOE: And Hillary's voice: sho shrill?
 
MEGAN: Oh, God, you didn't see that little sarcastic thing from the weekend? Yeah.

MOE: I fucking feel like death. "Grassroots mom" is cool though. It's like, aw: "Truth be told, it was very depressing doing this research to see all these great ideas and how little actually gets done."
OH we should also discuss North Korea. I love how CNN is dictating my agenda today.
 
MEGAN: Yeah, that's like the reason I thought Grassroots Mom is true. Like, I thought everyone already knew that that's how Congress works.
Wow, Alina Cho's aunt starved herself to avoid Korean rape squads? Is that the subtext of "kidnapping teenage girls, but only the healthy ones?"
We might want to explain for people that don't obsessively watch cable television that the New York Philharmonic performed in North Korea today. Also, by the way, we don't have a peace treaty with them. We're, like, still at war with them, technically. It's not good. And Kim Jong Il is a crazy fucker. The end.

MOE: Um, and according to this Style piece about the visit

"It's just a country." And, one might add: It's the music that matters most.

MEGAN: Just a country with nuclear capabilities and a mentally disturbed leader who claims and expects people to believe/confirm lies like he only gets holes-in-ones while golfing.
  Also, he didn't apparently attend the concert.

MOE: I'm kinda uh surprised the Post ran this thing!  
It's very counterintuitive!
North Korea = normal!
Somehow I don't really buy it though.
  I know, I know, I've been brainwashed.

MEGAN: Yeah, I actually don't buy it either. I love that it starts off with "musical pundits don't know anything about politics" and then quotes a British singer and a Austrian professor about how normal everyone is.

MOE: Yeah it's really stomach churning. I think we must have discussed the story in the much-acclaimed Parade magazine in which the guide tells the writer Kim Jong-Il wants everyone to play basketball, to help close the 8-inch height gap between North Korean adolescents and their southern brothers.

MEGAN: Probably. It seems like one or the other of us might've mentioned that not starving said adolescents would be a better plan. Crazy fucking Kim Jong Il.

MOE: Um and by the way this Eugene Robinson piece marveling that Obama has made it okay for Fox News viewers to accept the idea that black people can be smart may be my favorite thing ever.
It starts with Geraldo posturing that Deval Patrick and Barack Obama got together at "black genius camp" and plotted to take over the world.
 
MEGAN: There's a new cabal! And it's members are waaay more attractive then the last one!
Or something,
Also, Mr. Robinson is a Fox News commentator.
Not that that tidbit of info is in the piece.  
OMG, he calls the Obamas the new Huxtables.

MOE: Hahaha he is? Mannnnnn. I don't know if I've ever seen him. Um also there's a story about how some Democrats are worried McCain might win. Meanwhile McCain is worried the war might make him lose! It really is a boring fucking day, right? I guess there is another awesome debate tonight we can talk about tomorrow.

MEGAN: It it boring. Chris Dodd's Obama endorsement is news.

MOE: Aw, Chris Dodd.
  Affable losers.
Oh my GODDDD I feel so crappy.
 I think this is the crappiest crappy hour ever.

MEGAN: No one else is going to get why that's funny.
 
MOE: Why don't we talk about Angelina Jolie and how awesome that she's pregnant again.
MEGAN: Or why, perhaps, advice colums are better in print.
  
Because I don't want to see my aunt discussing a dude's big wang.
MOE: Do you think she could figure out how to adopt a starving child in North Korea and then bring global awareness to the tragedy of North Korean famine and the Obama Administration could meet with Kim Jong Il and play basketball and his sheer height and charisma would cause the Kim regime to fold in a bloodless coup and bring freedom to the poor starving short North Koreans...
MEGAN: Ok, it is officially a slow news day when CNN is airing a story about the Tokyo lost and found. They have 130,000 umbrellas turned in over the last 6 months.
MOE: You know it's a tactic of that "be a millionaire before 30" dude to never buy an umbrella because you should really just lie to bartenders and hostesses and tell them you lost your umbrella and get free ones that way. I guess that's the difference between them and us, huh!
MEGAN: I think the difference between "us" and "them" is that "they" wouldn't pay $25 for a book that tells them the key to financial success is stealing umbrellas.