Glamour's Stupids-worthy hints include not driving while reading the newspaper (or brushing your teeth), and not putting popcorn inside your vagina. According to the ever-obvious "dos and don'ts" section, you should also not expose your buttcheeks to public view. And woe betide the woman who tries to be "perfect" — she might end up falling down the stairs and breaking her daughter's leg, like Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski. Using Brezinski's accident as a cautionary tale about "doing too much too soon" seems like a stretch, but if editors couldn't generalize individual women's experiences into prescriptive "tips for all women, ladymags wouldn't exist — and neither would Cover Lies.

Just like us plebs, Gwyneth likes to begin the new year by obsessing about what we can "improve, learn, be more disciplined about," and of course, "cut out of our diets." Last year, the svelte star had a little help getting rid of her "saddlebags and post-pregnancy Shar-Pei-like stomach" from trainer Tracy Anderson. As Anderson is currently on tour with Madonna, she has been working with Gwyneth via video chat, and one such video is posted on the latest installment. Gwyneth highly recommends Anderson's Dance Aerobics DVD for the rest of us, but it's hard to get motivated to "completely change the shape of your butt" without a personalized message from your trainer praising your "fabulous duck and polenta" and gushing, "I just dream about your cooking!" [GOOP]

Let's just get this out of the way: 2008 was completely insane. The highs were incredibly high, and the lows were horribly low, and even the most "normal" days of the year were thrown about in one direction or the other by a crazy piece of news. I know people who have simply given up on 2008: other than the election, the year has been a complete disaster for them, and they are currently in hiding until January 1, 2009, hoping that a new number means a new direction in life.

I thought about writing an ode to 2008, but in all honesty the year was just so bloody weird that I'm not quite sure I can articulate it, even if I wanted to. 2009 is a bit of a strange cloud, looming about, full of unknown things and potentially even wackier circumstances; it's almost as if everyone is bracing for a year of tough transition, one of those years you have to go through to get to a really good one at the other end.

But surely there were a few things we learned in 2008 that we can carry with us into 2009: whether it be a new way of thinking, a way of saving money, a way of carrying one's self, something you didn't know about yourself, your friends, your family, your country, a recipe for Black Forest Cake, a beauty tip, who Agyness Deyn is, whatever. For every major thing that happened this year (and there were many), there were a ton of tiny things that affected us in different ways; every year has its share of the craptacular and the spectacular, though the balance between the two is usually a bit off.

So what did you learn this year? What will 2008, in the end, mean to you? Or is it too soon to really tell? Or is your 2008 calendar already in the trash, the blank space on the wall just waiting for a new number, a chance to fill another 365 spaces with the tiny things that add up to another weird year?

I have nothing against New Year's Resolutions. I make some every year, and then break them. Last year, I made a resolution to break my resolutions before Valentine's Day. I started biting my nails on January 2 at 9:15 AM, after sleeping in and neglecting to get that "early morning run" in. Mission accomplished!

Anyway, it makes sense to me that people use the New Year as a means to motivate themselves to change their habits, patterns, and focus on their health, and that's a good thing, really, but the constant barrage of diet ads and diet articles that spring up around this time of year (and around mid-March, when "bathing suit season is just around the corner!") are a reminder of how messed up our society's views on weight and healthy habits are. January is a time for changes; February is a time for saying "fuck it" and eating half a box of Valentine's Day candy before you even leave the Rite-Aid, thanks to a month long "diet" of rice cakes and grilled chicken breasts. We are a nation of spurts; we all get psyched up as the year changes, discouraged as it moves along, psyched up again once it gets hot enough for us to realize that we can't cover ourselves with 8 layers, and discouraged again once we peel off the layers to see what we've been hiding all winter.

It's a tough situation for those of us who have struggled with eating disorders; the rest of the world is suddenly focused on weight to an even greater degree than usual at this time of year, and at times it feels like the rest of the world has temporarily picked up our illness, or at least certain quirks of it, under the guise of "healthy changes." It is incredibly strange to watch and often difficult; I imagine it's a bit like being a recovering alcoholic who watches her friends get trashed at a party; those friends can get drunk, but stop drinking and eventually come back to normal. For ED patients, "just dropping 10 holiday pounds" often spirals into trouble, if not a full-out relapse.

I realize that weight is a touchy subject for mostly everyone, and I don't begrudge anyone their rights to get healthy and feel better about themselves. I just wish that the weight loss push that happened at this point every year would focus more on overall health than on dress sizes or fitting into a stupid bikini or impressing your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/random person you went to high school with. Perhaps the best resolution any of us can make is just to be kind to ourselves, to treat our bodies not as numbers on a scale or sizes on a rack, but, as Fiona says, "extraordinary machines" that require a little love, patience, and a decent mix of spinach and Snickers bars.

The point is this: There are no "rules," only an urging to be the best we all can be. If we get fired up about misogyny and the unrealistic expectations placed on women but then allow comments like, "she's huuuuge," doesn't that make us part of the problem?

One thing we grapple with, and will have to work on, is whether it is as offensive to say someone is "too thin" as it is to say someone is "too fat." Some celebrities — and we all know who they are — shrink down to "skin and bones." Is it horrible to call that out? Especially when we'd never say a star "looks like she's never skipped a meal" or "is a tub of lard"? In any case, this is a (relatively) open dialog. We welcome your thoughts and comments, even about our asses.

Earlier: This Year, Let's Call It Quits On The Nasty Nit-Picking
No Airbrushing—We're Not Fucking Around

You know what would be great? A 'no negative comments on a woman's appearance' rule, or maybe even 'no negative comments regarding anyone's appearance". I am so sick of reading the comments and seeing "Oh she's put on weight' 'She's looking old', seeing a woman's appearance absolutely torn to pieces on /any /story accompanied by a photo, no matter what it is. It really puts me off wanting to read any comments at all, which is a great pity because there are also some great opinions by intelligent women amid these insults.

Apparently nothing a woman does can ever be more important than the way she looks, and even we woman have been brainwashed into thinking that to be valued and beautiful we must be young, thin, and covered in cosmetics. We get these messages all day every day, think how fantastic it would be if Jezebel was the one media outlet that said 'No, that's not right.'

Earlier: Nigella Lawson Feels Bad About Her Body