First, the term "anti-aging" is lie, because from the moment you are born until the moment you die, you are AGING. No cream will stop that. Maybe "temporarily hydrates and plumps the skin to minimize the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles" isn't as catchy, but at least it's not a misnomer. In any case, have women become so used to "anti-aging" products that they are now looking for a "new twist"?

Almost all "cosmeceutical" ads have footnotes and claims from clinical studies. (Who do you think owns the "clinic"?) This ad is for "deep-set wrinkle repair," which you need, clearly, because your wrinkles are broken. Also, check out the "clinical results":


It's not just my scan — you'll see if you pick up a magazine — the pictures look almost exactly the same. This stuff is twenty bucks for 1.7 ounces.


This ad plays on the whole idea that "cosmeceuticals" are good for you because a doctor is somehow involved. This guy is "green" — see the leafy stethoscope? The pitch to use the product is marketed as "Doctor's Orders." Do women really believe you can get an EYE LIFT in a bottle? A closer look at the pitch:

See the mortar and pestle? Tricking you into thinking this is a "prescription" for what ails you? And this stuff is made from DMAE, which is dimethylaminoethanol, a compound which helps aging people's brains, but the research on skin is limited, according to Smartskincare.com. Still, you're not supposed to think about that — doctor's orders!

Lancôme has created something called Génifique, which is maybe a mashup between "genetics" and "magnifique"? The stuff is a "youth activating concentrate." It activates youth? Really? Like, yells out the window at kids to be less lazy? The copy reads, "Discover the skin you were born to have." Confusing! Don't I already have the skin I was born to have? This ad has four footnotes:


…None of which contribute to the clarity of the claims.

Being white — or as pale as possible — is the "ultimate luxury." That's the message in this Shiseido ad, where the model is so light she is fading into nothingness. The copy claims "Even bare, spots and freckles seem to fade from view." It's a skin lightener! And a quick internet search finds that users report "[it] makes my face itch like crazy" and "It made my face itch," and "The cleanser is ok… Everything else from this line was a waste of money" and "Didn't or doesn't do much for me... meaning, no actual 'whitening' effect and it also makes my skin a bit dry after cleansing." Good to know, since the cream alone is $54 for 1.7 ounces!

Another ad with a footnote, and this one clams that "in a very short time," you will see a "measurable reduction in the look of wrinkles." Emphasis mine; you won't actually have fewer wrinkles, but the ones you do have will look different. Also, the X in the logo again plays on the idea that this is somehow a prescription product; the name "professional" adds to the feeling that this shit is not for amateurs. Just a reminder: It's lotion. Skin cream.

You're broken! But don't worry. Rest easy. We'll repair you overnight.

From the Department Of Redundancy Department: "Ageless Intensives Deep Wrinkle Anti-Wrinkle Moisture." Say wrinkle again! They should call it "Wrinkle Cream For Wrinkles On Wrinkly Old Wrinkled Up Wrinkle Women. Like You."

The next ad may be my favorite, and the worst. It comes from Elizabeth Arden's "DermaTechnology Division" and has two footnotes. The copy points out different parts of a body, reducing one person to parts:

"Décolletage: Maximum exposure means dreaded age spots, fine lines and crepiness. Freckles are definitely not cute anymore."

And:

"Stomach: "Weight gain and loss. Childbirth. Need we say more?"

And:

"The Bottom Line: Loss of firmness and tone. Stretch marks and sagging. It's time to take a firm position."

The crazy thing is they're pointing all of this out on a mannequin. This woman is not even real:


And yet, even she needs a "total transforming anti-aging moisturizer." Sigh.


Earlier: What If Women Weren't Afraid To Grow Old?

• Dita Von Teese wears two Elie Saab couture creations in her limited-run Paris show. Is it strange that the only people who can afford couture these days are burlesque artists and Saudi princesses? [IHT]

• Fashion week is "hitting the reset button" because in this economic climate, return on investment is ever more important. [WWD]
• And don't expect any parties. Really. [WWD]
• The show schedule is now available online. [The Cut]
• Christian Siriano will be there, in the Salon at the tents, showing his new collection for Payless. Which is good news because at $25-$45 for bags and shoes inspired by Egyptology, these are that rare affordable fashion week thing. [WWD]
• Interesting: Richie Rich, everyone's favorite glittering ex-club kid, is showing on February 18. At no less a venue than the Waldorf Astoria, demonstrating once and for all that his particular brand of sparkle can exist above 23rd St. There hasn't been much heard of Rich since the end of his old label, Heatherette, which he ran with Traver Rains. [The Cut]
• Rich is promising "Head-to-toe wearable" for his namesake collection. Wonder how this'll shake out. [WWD]
• Isaac Mizrahi already showed his fall/winter collection for Liz Claiborne. It looks good, and involves something called "Kaleidoplaid." [Style.com]
• And the re-re-animated Halston is forgoing a show in favor of a video it's going to e-mail to editors and buyers on Saturday. [WWD]
• PETA's also gearing up for its favorite parasitic marketing opportunity of the year. Giorgio Armani, who stopped using all fur except for, it claims, rabbit pelts left over from the meat industry, recently drew the pressure group's ire and his New York flagship store will be picketed. [NYDN]
• Jason Wu, the American Vogue cover getting, Michelle Obama outfitting, 26-year-old fashion superstar, is to be sold on Net-A-Porter.com. [UK Elle]
• New York Magazine has 10 models to watch this season, you know, just some real new faces like that girl who walked for Marc Jacobs that one time and that girl in the current Prada campaign. [The Cut]
• Finally, a fashion magazine for the girls who smoke cigarettes behind the parking lot at school and could tell a Steven Meisel from a Steven Klein at 50 paces before entering their teens. Carine Roitfeld, editor-in-chief of French Vogue, is rumored to be assembling a team to launch a biannual teen fashion magazine. French Teen Vogue! Ooh la la. [FWD]
• Chanel Iman is supposedly to have a walk-on part on Gossip Girl as a guest at one of Serena's parties. A tipster reports she ate macaroni and cheese for lunch. (Chanel's still at that age where you can eat anything and not gain an ounce. Sigh.) [Daily Intel]
• Emma Roberts, Julia's niece, is another new face of Neutrogena. [WWD]
• Lorenzo Martone, Marc Jacobs' boyfriend of 11 months, seems like a charming romantic. "Valentine's Day is two days before his show, it has to be very quiet, but I'm still planning a little surprise," says the Brazilian. "During the last Vuitton show in Paris, I didn't tell him I was going to go — I just showed up in Paris in his office with flowers as a surprise the day before the show. He was totally, totally surprised. It was really, really good to see his reaction, and I don't know — we are so in love that it was really gorgeous to see his eyes." My heart, it's melting now. [The Cut]
• Two acts who grew up in Illinois, Liz Phair and OK Go!, are among the musicians featured in Banana Republic's New York-themed spring campaign, which will be out on February 18. [Brand Week]
• The "Got Milk?" campaign is the latest concern to drop alleged domestic abuser Chris Brown from its roster. Cover Girl says it's standing by Rihanna. [E! Online]
• Jones Apparel Group posted a slightly smaller-than-expected quarterly loss of 4 cents a share. (Analysts had expected 5 cents.) Revenues for the company even rose, by 1%, to $846.9 million. Let us all cheer not-bad fashion business news! [NY Times]
• Nike is cutting 4% of its 35,000-strong workforce. [WWD]
• Bob Marley's family has licensed his image and name, along with catchphrases like "Catch a fire" and "One Love" to the company Hilco Consumer Capital, which paid some $20 million in the deal. Hilco already owns Ellen Tracy and Linens 'n' Things. [Reuters]
• Hadley Freeman scored the first interview with Phoebe Philo, newly of Celine. Marco Gobetti, the LVMH vice-president with whom Philo is rumored to already be clashing, makes an uncomfortable joke about having to "cover up the bruises" — his, or Philo's, it's not clear — before the journalist arrived. [Guardian]
• The New York Times' critical shopper visited the new Brooks Brothers Black Fleece store in the West Village, and found the Thom Browne-designed line very interesting if not ultimately practical. (There are fit issues with the womenswear.) Still, the theory is good: "Picture a cross between Pee-wee Herman and Nurse Ratched, only more obsessive-compulsive. It is a look so stiffly starched - all the buttons are just so very, very buttoned, both up and down - as to recall corsetry, humane restraint devices or orthopedic inserts. It is a look that may mold and instruct the wearer in his relentless quest for superior health, posture and hygiene. As the 'Goldberg Variations' were to Glenn Gould, these clothes seem to be both the tools and execution of a meticulously tended neurosis." [NY Times]
• This sounds awesome: Prada has asked four stylists, including Carine Roitfeld and Katie Grand, to style their stores in New York, London, Paris and Milan. Anyone not in those cities can see the project online. [WWD]
• Whoa. Raquel Welch is shilling reading glasses. I suppose One Million Years B.C. was a long time ago. [Brand Freak]
• There's an entertaining and thoughtful Q&A with someone named Chicken John Rinaldi, who apparently led the fight against the proposed American Apparel on Valencia St. in San Francisco. Rinaldi comes off rather well: "It depends on whose liberty you are defending. Are you defending the liberty of American Apparel to open a store wherever they want? Or are you defending the liberty of the people who live on the block? Or are you defending the people who shop at the store? Or are you going to defend the liberty of the people who own the other stores whose rents are without question going to quadruple?" [Mother Jones]
• And now, our daily minute of hate: Italian brand Relish's new campaign, shot in Rio de Janeiro but featured now on billboards in Italy, features men dressed as Rio cops molesting women as they arrest them. [Shakesville]

• House of Style is coming back on MTV! Israeli model Bar Refaeli or L.A.'s own Chanel Iman are rumored to be in the running to fill Cindy Crawford's old hosting slot. [Page Six]

• Isaac Mizrahi's first collection for Liz Claiborne just went online, in an annoying Flash animation you have to flick through with your mouse. No pricing info is included, but the line will be in stores and online next month. [Liz Claiborne]
• That Brooks Brothers Black Fleece store on Bleecker St. that's been "opening in Fall 08" for freaking ever is finally throwing wide its doors today. [WWD]
• Stella McCartney opened a new boutique in Paris, her first in that city. Old friends like Marianne Faithful and Catherine Deneuve duly turned up. On staying slim with Madonna's trainer, McCartney said, "I've had a few sessions with her, but she's always off on tour with Madonna, so now I just go round to Gwyneth's and we dance about together." Fun. [Style.com]
• If you can't share a personal trainer with Madge, you can see an exhibition of her stage costumes. "Simply Madonna, Materials of the Girl" opens in London on February 21. [Independent]
• Pierre Bergé, Yves Saint Laurent's business and romantic partner of 50 years, is talking to the media for the first time about the designer's struggles with depression. A shy, nervous young man, Saint Laurent was conscripted into France's war with Algeria in 1960, where he was brutalized. Upon his return to France, he was committed and given shock treatments and high doses of drugs. Says Bergé: "Sadly, Yves was not built for joy. He was an unhappy person who didn’t have a taste for life. Occasionally, he was happy, but life was difficult for him. The depression ran deep." On his aesthetic, Bergé notes: "Saint Laurent detested fashion. Style is what he liked...Chanel may have given women liberty but Saint Laurent gave them power." [Telegraph]
• Interesting: Bloomingdale's is holding an open call for new designers. That's gotta be better than Project Runway! [WWD]
• Dazed and Confused shot a black-lit video to celebrate DKNY's 20th anniversary. It maybe looks a little like Liquid Sky. [Fashionista]
• For the DKNY Jeans spring campaign, Sartorialist Scott Schuman shot British model Daisy Lowe. [The Sun]
• Today's bankruptcy: Unthinkable, Inc., owner of the label Claude Brown. Owing between $1 and $100 million, with between $100,000 and $1 million on its books, Unthinkable filed for Chapter 11 protection from 50 creditors. [Crain's]
• Imagine an event that would bring together Ivanka Trump, Philip Lim, Tory Burch, and Barbara Hulanicki (who founded the Biba boutique in London where Anna Wintour got her first fashion job), and you have the Fashion Group International's Rising Star awards. Lim gushes all over Hulanicki, who gushes all over Lim, and meanwhile none of the MCs can pronounce "Burch" or "Ivanka." Must've been a hell of a luncheon. [Observer]
• McQ Alexander McQueen for Target's campaign will be modeled by a creepy blonde doll with eyes that change color. What, they couldn't get a Russian to put in contacts? [Fashionista]
• Karl Lagerfeld, compelling, chilly fashion mastermind, is the subject of an excellent Rodolphe Marconi documentary called Lagerfeld Confidential. We get a peek at the Kaiser's home, Nietzchean morality, and lecherous habits with male models. Also, I'm pretty sure I remember at one point he says, "People who live alone and spend a long time on the telephone are romantic freelancers." It screens February 9 on Sundance and you should watch it. [Fashion Week Daily]
• If you give supermodel Angela Lindvall directions on a shoot like "Crawl around like an animal! Rrowr!", she will raise one eyebrow at your dumb concept and do something better instead. [The Cut]
• Jean Paul Gaultier model Ines de la Fressange: 51, gorgeous, and dubious about black nail polish. "I like the fact that [Gaultier] didn't try to disguise me or make fun of me in some way, by making me wear black nail polish like the other models." How does she stay in shape? "Winston Churchill always said the best exercise is no exercise so let me put it this way; I do as much exercise as Churchill! And I never do Botox or plastic surgery either." She sounds like a riot in this interview. [Time]
• Then, de la Fressange found time to go to the Elysée Palace and congratulate Sonia Rykiel and Jean-Louis Scherrer at the formal ceremony where President Sarkozy made each of them commanders of the Legion of Honor. [WWD]
• Ever wanted to learn how to make shoes? Jimmy Choo wants to teach you. [Telegraph]
• Natascha McElhone, of Californication fame, will be the new face of Neutrogena. [WWD]
• There WILL be Steven Allan for Uniqlo! [WWD]
• Plan for a Gisele-heavy future. The Brazilian beauty has bagged spring campaigns for, at last count: Versace, Dior, True Religion denim, and Rampage. Oh, and she'll totally be the North American face of Max Factor for years to come. Resistance is futile! Clearly being a safe bet as one of the few models the proverbial man on the street could immediately recognize has its ups in an economic climate like this. [WWD]

• Roberto Cavalli is now in the wine business. We hope it comes with a leopard print label! [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Diane Lane is the latest Neutrogena "brand ambassador." Jesus Christ do we hate that term. [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• Marcus Wilmont and Maki Aminaka Lofvander won England's Fashion Fringe award for their label Aminaka Wilmont. The collection they showed was inspired by the idea of "a serial killer model." Incidentally, Naomi Campbell "burst into spontaneous applause from her spot on the front row when they sent their first model down the catwalk." [Vogue UK]
  
• Jimmy Choo CEO Tamara Mellon's ex-husband Matthew on his former wife: "When your wife makes $100 million during the course of your marriage, it's quite a shocker . . . I felt like my masculinity had been stripped from me. I feel like my b - - - s are in a jar, like a Damien Hirst artwork on the mantelpiece." [NY Post]

• English model Sophie Andertson lost a $200,000 contract to be the face of a line of tanning salons (uh, yeah) after it was revealed that she offered sex and cocaine to an undercover reporter. Um, and the reporter didn't take it? All for the glory of ruining the career of a model no one has heard of? There should be some kind of anti-Pulitzer for this. [Daily Mail]
• New York Times Style section photographer Bill Cunningham has undergone eye surgery. Get well soon! [Fashion Week Daily]
• Converse is the latest brand to offer up an exclusive line at Target. Which makes us laugh. Cause like this is Converse after all, not Balenciaga. [Sassybella]
• Nordstrom's sales are up 22% in the third fiscal quarter. We think it's that in-store baby grand. [WSJ]

• Baby-faced baby mama Jennifer Garner will soon be shilling anti-aging products for Neutrogena. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Urban Outfitters wants to be your new bff and txt u w all the l8test info 4 nu products + sales etc. Ttyl xo! [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Trashy fashion designer Anand Jon (whose top celeb clients include, um, Paris Hilton and Paula Abdul) was arrested yesterday for 13 counts of sexual misconduct, including 3 charges involving a minor. [TMZ]
  
• Escada's re-opened Beverly Hills flagship's design sets to reflect its revised design sensibility, which is "young" not in "age, but attitude." Yes! Nipple slips! [LA Times]
  
• Rumors are circulating that billionaire Ron Burkle hopes to oust Garrard creative director/jewelry designer Jade Jagger for designer Steven Webster. [Vogue UK]