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New York, 5:11 PM
Tue Nov 10
73 posts in the last 24 hours
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When I was a younger woman, before the internet, I'd brush off my current's worries about a guy friend. But now I'm more respectful of my "mate."
How important is any relationship with a single male other than my boyfriend? Not very.
So far, no exes have contacted me.
10/09/09
I have friends of many sexes. I won't stop being friends with them because my partner is uncomfortable. That is controlling. If it's a safety issue, or a moral-opposition issue, that's one thing, but if it's "this person is the opposite sex," then no, that is not acceptable to me.
I am friends with my exes. And I will continue to be. I expect my current partner to be mature enough to be at least cordial and polite to them. S/he doesn't have to like them, but they are my friends, and despite having a romantic history, we are not dating, we don't want to date, and that's that. I don't want my partner controlling who I am friends with.
I disclose this kind of information (and other important, personal things) before I date someone. If they think it's a problem, no hard feelings, but I won't date you, because we will fight about it all the time and I won't like that. This works for me. It may not work for everyone.
My rule is this: I will tell you more or less anything I think is important before we begin dating and we will do our best to set boundaries that we are both comfortable with. Obviously, you can't predict everything, but you can set up basic rules, like "I don't like it when you call your friends 'sweetie', because that's what you call me," or something like that. If my partner was fine with my situation before we were dating, they should be fine with it after. Barring, of course, active sexual relationships that would be outside the boundaries of the relationship that we began.
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But working out some ground rules isn't a bad idea. It just seems like a way to prevent drama.
10/09/09
I've lived a rough life that's seemed longer than the actual years and known a whole lot of people. Even so, it's surprised me sometimes how so many acquaintences who I thought of as the highest caliber were willing to mess around if the opportunity were thrust in front of their faces. This opportunity often presented itself in that pesky ex who kept looking them up via Facebook, MySpace, e-mail, etc.
Because of this knowledge, I do not make contact with men for socializing purposes on the Internet. My husband has never asked this of me; I avoid it on my own accord. I know I'd never cheat, but I've been in circumstances before where the feelings of the other person can get intense, even though I only want to be friends. It's so much easier to just cut that out completely, trust! And I don't feel I'm missing out on a thing. It actually feels very good.
I've also never directly asked my husband to do the same, but he knows my feelings and whether he does or not is up to him. He does know how drama-and-bullshit-free my life is without these socializations, and I do hope he's taking my example! But I respect his privacy enough not to snoop or question him about it.
10/09/09
Why drag up the past?
10/09/09
I made a distinct and deliberate choice to EXCLUDE a person from my "network." Why is it they can even contact me?
If I were female, I think I'd consider initiating a class-action suit. And no, if you're wondering, it wasn't an ex-GF, it's another dude, who I now think is a royal dick.
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This would NEVER fly.
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Also, they only dated for six months.
Some people just get hung up on other people, for one reason or another. It's not your boyfriend's fault, and it's not my boyfriend's fault. It's still annoying, though.
10/09/09
I understand people's feeling a need for new rules here. Not sure anything, other than picking the right person to begin with, will help.
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Cheating is cheating is cheating, and if people won't do it through the internet, they will find some other way. If certain online contacts make a a person uncomfortable, granted, their partner should make some compromises and try not to hurt them. However, it is more important to be able to trust your partner, and have them excercise self-control.
Without trust, communication, and self-control, a relationship is doomed anyway.
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I very quickly realized I did not like the person this was making me, and that the relationship needed to end
10/09/09
So with current bf, snooping is 100% off limits because a) i trust him, and b) it makes me into a crazy person.
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