You've seen it: a middle-aged mom, presumably moving her son into his dorm room, and the son's nerdy roommate, share a Halls Refresh lozenge and a weird moment of sexual connection. Then her menfolk walk in and are suitably appalled. ("Surprisingly mouth-watering," leers an insinuating voice-over.) The American Decency Association has called the ad "perverse" and its founder explains, rather oddly, that "I believe that an advertisement like this really does grease the skids and does further promotion and legitimization of elderly ones with younger ones — and it's like putting fuel before the fire."

"Elderly ones with younger ones" are also the theme of Cougartown, of course, during which the lame ad ran, and presumably the show's fans were neither unduly shocked nor influenced. But the ad is, certainly, problematic, albeit for a number of different reasons. Slate's Seth Stevenson, while he finds the add bizarre and silly, thinks this is a bit of a tempest in a teapot - that it's in the tradition of recent absurdist candy campaigns and too outre to be taken seriously. The bigger question, for him, is who the hell the commercial is targeting: boys or moms? Candy's aimed at kids, but the spot's placement - and its virtuous lack of sugar - suggest that it's playing to mom tastes, which Stevenson finds duly dubious.

In a way, I'm with the ADA, because the continuing perpetuation of the cougar/MILF thing is indeed creepy. If the ad featured a dad and a young female nerd, it would be universally shunned and it's time we stopped pretending that the reverse is always the stuff of harmless fantasy. That said, the ad's a send-up of the cougar phenomenon's absurdity, and if that's a signal of shark-jumping (or, as Hortense has suggested we rename it, "pulling a Scrappy-Doo"), bring it on.

But what bothered me most was sort of exactly this: this isn't a MILF and a strapping stud: it's a frumpy middle-aged woman and an Asian nerd, shorthand for "NOT SEXY!!!" That's why it's funny, you see: these are two groups whom no one would ever find attractive if not under the influence of the cough drop! (Note the action figures and equation.) That, after all, is what the husband and son are reacting to: not just the inappropriate dynamic, but the fact that these non-sexy types are breaking out of their designated roles. "Surprisingly mouth-watering," is after all, the tag-line. One can only imagine what other treats Hall's Refresh has in store!

Of course, at the end of the day, Stevenson's right: it's just a dumb commercial, and these people occupy Commercial-Land, in which all husbands are single-digit stupid, all moms are knowing, all kids are sassy and precocious, and everyone, given their bizarre enthusiasm for fast-food promotions, is apparently stoned, always. All this, presumably, makes us want to buy stuff. And if that's true, Stevenson shouldn't even question the targeting: we are, it would seem, morons. Who eat cough drops for pleasure.

Can Cougars Sell Cough Drops? [Slate]
Halls Refresh Commercial - Mom [YouTube]

But first they read. Danticat picked an excerpt from her story "Ghosts," in which an aspiring radio journalist dreams of starting a program on his violence-wracked Haiti neighborhood. She read,

He would open with a discussion of how many people in Bel Air had lost limbs. Then he would go from limbs to souls, to the number of people who had lost family-siblings, parents, children-and friends. These were the real ghosts, he would say, the phantom limbs, phantom minds, phantom loves that haunt us, because they were used, then abandoned, because they were desolate, because they were violent, because they were merciless, because they were out of choices, because they did not want to be driven away, because they were poor.

Diaz (author of Drown and The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao) read from a personal essay about his dad, and it's a testament to his command of both humor and pain that his father's favorite insult — "when you grow up, I am going to find you in an alley somewhere, and I am going to shoot you" — got a huge laugh. After they finished reading, and after a discussion of their long-standing friendship (which Danticat said was about "more life things than writing things"), a listener asked Diaz about the science fiction references in Oscar Wao. Diaz said he'd been pilloried in the mainstream nerd press (only sort of an oxymoron) in a way that smacked of racism. He then made a point about scifi that doesn't get made often enough:

If it wasn't for people of color's experiences and women's experiences, the genre wouldn't exist.

Scifi frequently gets portrayed as a refuge for socially awkward white boys, but everything from Isaac Asimov to Battlestar Galactica is permeated with issues of otherness, or, as Diaz puts it, "questions of alien contact." Stories of new worlds and interspecies warfare can be a way of representing the experiences of immigrants — or of people whose bodies, for reasons of race or gender or size or shape or ability — don't conform to the established norm. People who write about scifi are starting to accept this — female science fiction and fantasy writers are getting more attention, and The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay brought the related issue of sexual orientation in superhero comics to the fore. But the nerd backlash against Oscar Wao shows how eager some marginalized groups are to marginalize others, especially in the literary world, and how jealously (and dumbly) geeks sometimes guard their geek fiefdoms against those who could be allies.

Despite his experience with the nerd police, Diaz also advanced the somewhat debatable point that reading teaches compassion. He said reading a book was "one of the clearest ways to come into communion with another subjectivity," and that, moreover, the process of writing forced him to be a better person. "When I come up short as a writer," he added, "there's always a shortcoming in my character." Danticat responded that becoming a mother (that's her and her daughter above) had changed her as a writer — "when your life is layered in a certain way," she said, "you have more in your soul to go to." She got in a little dig at the Hemingway school of "life experience," in which the way to broaden yourself as a writer is to "go shoot animals," and her words were a powerful response to the idea that women can't both have families and make great art. But does making great art really require you to be a good person? And does it make good people of those who consume it?

Later in the conversation, Diaz said, "this life makes it so difficult to engage in civic- and justice-minded projects." By "this life," I assumed he meant American life, with its relative comfort and its myriad distractions, but it's also true that a life spent writing fiction — or reading it — invites escape into fictional worlds. I'm not a fan of the notion, popular when I was in grad school, that the best writers are assholes and the best fiction speaks to what is most evil in the reader's soul — both because I think it's a limiting view of literature and because, as a writer, I like having friends. And I believe that reading and writing do teach a willingness to explore other kinds of lives. But they also teach absorption in the mind and not in the world, and while this isn't always a bad thing, it doesn't necessarily lead to social change. Of the racist new Dominican Constitution and of injustice the world over, Diaz said, "everybody in every place in every way they can has to find a way to resist." And while reading fiction is many things, it's not (at least in America) active resistance.

New Yorker Festival [Official Site]
Ghosts [New Yorker]

Queries New Scientist,

Is smart sexy? Our knee-jerk reaction – reinforced by cultural stereotypes of Star Trek-convention attending geeks and a seeming obsession with ditzy, pretty starlets – would argue otherwise. Nerds are, well, nerds...But consider Peter Orszag. As director of the US Office of Management and Budget, he is the nation's most powerful pencil-pusher. Yet Orszag was recently named one of the hunks of Washington DC . "He's made nerdy sexy," Barack Obama's chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, said of the 40-year-old, glasses-wearing son of a maths professor.

This sort of thing irritates me as a woman, a dater of smart men, a glasses-wearer and an English major. First: I resent the careless lumping -together of the words "nerd," "smart," and "geek." These are all different words that don't mean the same thing. Second: who is it who has these knee-jerk reactions? Cartoon cheerleaders? 80's movie jocks? Because I think we need to learn to acknowledge when a stereotype has evolved.

The piece - most of which is perfectly reasonable and fact-based, I should add - is based on new findings that "linked a male's cognitive performance to his luck with the ladies." According to one behavioural ecologist, male (birds) with better "problem-solving" skills, unsuprisingly, do better in the wild. Another study asked women to watch videos of guys demonstrating feats of cognitive and athletic prowess, and rate their desirability; the good problem-solvers were perceived as attractive. There's genetic basis for this, too, most likely, since some tests have found that more intelligent men have better health, more robust sperm.

Every couple of years, we're informed that geeks are "chic" or something, because Seth Rogen wears glasses or a tech multimillionaire has a hot girlfriend. The "nerds" in question generally resemble Superman incognito. "Dating trend" stories are, as a rule, ludicrous anyway, attempting as they do to codify the emotional and sexual habits of entire populations. Did aggressive glasses frames become de rigueur in the last decade? Sure. Did the beginnings of silicon valley probably see an increase of tech dudes with "trophy girlfriends?" I wouldn't be surprised. But most of us don't need studies or hints of superior genetic function to find an intelligent man attractive: that's what smart women are drawn to. It's not a phase or a trend: that's what we do. And this brings me to my other point: world, do please stop equating "nerd" and "smart." "Nerd" may not be an insult, but it's also a specific description that generally implies superior intelligence but suggests any number of other characteristics, as well, and shouldn't be tossed around and diluted. Yes, in high school, the two are classically conflated by philistines; this doesn't mean we should perpetuate the lazy misconception.

Also, Rahm: Peter Orszag, recently named may be brilliant. He may be competent. He may be a wonderful person. But "sexy" he most certainly is not. Sure, we take Politico's list in the spirit it was intended (Hitchens is on there, people.) But tet's watch our diction here.

Why Geeks Get The Girls [New Scientist]
The hunks Of Washington
[Politico]
Nerds Rejoice: Braininess Boosts Likelihood Of Sex [New Scientist]

Intelligent 'Have Better Sperm' [BBC]

Sadly, this misunderstanding is fostered by those who should understand the best: other girl geeks. In her "5 Tips for Raising A Girl Geek," Wired's Natania Barron offers solid child-rearing advice, like encouraging your daughter's interests and helping her build her self-esteem. But she also promotes something that's far too common in articles about geekiness — the idea that geeks need some sort of special treatment. This geek-ceptionalism just increases the isolation a lot of people with geeky interests feel as kids, and it also leads to a lot of lame generalizations. Allow me to combat it with a few tips of my own.

1. There is no one Girl Geek.

Articles about geekiness tend to name-check a few predictable geek signifiers. Even if you're not a geek, you probably know what they are: World of Warcraft, The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Dungeons and Dragons. Barron, who's actually decent about recognizing the multiplicity of geek culture, still mentions three of these in her first paragraph. As a girl geek of long standing, though, I've never been into Star Wars, D&D, or WoW. My brother, a certified non-geek with a tan, a surfer accent, and basketball skills, is the Warcraft fan in our family. Point is, while people who like to call themselves geeks tend to share certain interests (liking scifi and/or fantasy is sort of a basis for the subculture), they certainly don't share all of them. And non-geeks can like geeky stuff too.

2. Girl Geeks don't necessarily hate "girly" things.

Barron writes,

At a very young age I had a proclivity for reading science-fiction and fantasy books. While most girls were reading the Babysitters Club books, I was devouring Madeleine L'Engle and C.S. Lewis, soon followed by a host of others.

She's just talking about her own experience here, but there's a general misconception that geeks cannot be "girly." Plenty of girl geeks do like makeup, clothes, and the Babysitters Club — not that any of these things are just for girls. In fact, the idea that girl geeks can't be into anything traditionally feminine is a sad comment on how limiting traditions of femininity are. You can't be smart and wear lip gloss? Like The Hobbit and Gossip Girl? Danica McKellar would have something to say about this.

3. Girl Geeks do not have to date Guy Geeks, nor do they require special wooing.

A while back, Liz at The Park Bench offered 11 tips on "How to Meet and Woo a Nerdy Girl." Some were kind of accurate (look like David Tennant? Yeah, good start.) — but the concept as a whole is a little disturbing. While it's always nice when someone shares your interests, I certainly don't expect men to "Know the complete works of the Nerd Holy Trinity: Joss Whedon, J.J. Abrams and Peter Jackson." I don't even know the complete works of these people (see tip 1). And I wouldn't want anyone to treat or "woo" me differently because I happen to like Doctor Who. Just talk to me like a normal person: I am one.

Liz's weirdest tip is #6: "Be interesting." This is news? And moreover, this is something non-geeky girls don't want? Liz elaborates, "whereas a lot of ladies want you to be rich, nerdy women just want you to be interesting." The idea that most women are gold-diggers, but only geeks like you for you, leads me to ...

4. Geeks are not better than other people.

Barron writes,

Many young geeklets tend to be smart. Whether it's math, science, English or art (or all of the above), young girl geeks will excel in something.

Newsflash: most young girls will excel in something, whether they are geeks or not. And you certainly don't have to be smart to like Star Trek (it might even help not to be, so you don't think about stuff like why a civilization hundreds of years more advanced than our own still thinks the most efficient uniform for women is the miniskirt). To me, being a geek isn't about intelligence, or even about liking a certain subset of pop culture: it's a mindset, one that privileges minutiae, trivia, and fantasy, but with a lowercase f. Most geeks I know, myself included, enjoy getting lost in artificial worlds, whether these worlds are made of TV characters, historical figures (I know not one but two guys who are geeks for Henry IV), numbers, or words.

Because our engagement with these worlds can get obsessive and uncool, geeks also get picked on a lot. And this makes us mean. It makes us pretend that we're smarter than other people, or it makes us retreat into a hideaway of inside jokes and references. I like The Lord of the Rings as much as anyone, but I get kind of annoyed when an avowed geek drops some sort of jab-you-in-the-ribs Minas Tirith reference (which I guess is what this is — it's a really hard habit to break) into an article or conversation meant for general consumption. Peppering your speech with geeky in-jokes that no one else gets doesn't make you cooler than those regs who like sports and Dane Cook — it just makes you exclusive, and kind of lame. Everybody — even popular kids — has interests that not everyone else shares, but these interests aren't any better for being uncommon.

Except David Tennant.

5 Tips for Raising Your Girl Geek [Wired]
How to Meet and Woo a Nerdy Girl [The Park Bench]

Now I know I'm not the only person who isn't interested in seeing Star Trek, despite the overwhelmingly positive reviews, the exciting trailers, the incessant marketing campaign, and the recommendations from friends who swear that it's the most fun they've had at the movies in a very long time. But it kind of seems like it, you know?

For a while, I tried to feign interest, nodding along as people went on about how psyched they were to see the film, trying to get caught up in the hype by watching the trailers again, etc. But the truth is, I've just never been into Star Trek. I can appreciate it for what it is, and I respect it, but for whatever reason, it never spoke to me. I know that the Star Trek universe has been a life-changing (and, in some cases, life-saving) experience for some people, but I never quite gave it the spin it probably deserved. In some ways I think it's a matter of exposure: my father is a Star Wars geek; Obi-Wan was the hero in my household, not Spock. One of my favorite memories is the day I took my dad to the theater to see Episode III: when the opening credits came on, my dad grabbed his soda and his eyes lit up like a 12-year-old's. It's awesome to see your parents in their geeky element; for a few hours, my dad wasn't an insurance man with bills to pay and meetings to deal with: he was a Jedi.

Anyway, the reason I'm bringing this up is because I actually feel guilty for not being into the new Star Trek film. It's a weird time to be a geek, because, well, everyone is kind of a geek these days, and it seems that the notion of what constitutes a true geek is someone who is into EVERY bloody so-called nerdy phenomenon out there. "I thought you were into that kind of thing," one of my friends said after I admitted my "Whatever, Star Trek" stance, as if being into graphic novels, wearing coke bottle glasses and braces as a kid, and being able to recall passages from The Silmarillion also means you have to be a certified Trekkie. I actually felt, momentarily, like a traitor to all things nerdy.

But here's the thing, you guys. There are many shades to the geek rainbow. Yes, there are Trekkies and Ringers out there, but Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, comic books, graphic novels, vampires, zombies (ugh, and that's another train I'm not hopping on. Whatever, zombies), pirates; all of these things are mainstream at this point, enjoyed by people who may not be "true" fans but who celebrate the existence of such phenomena just the same. Anyone who reads our brilliant sister blog io9 (and you should be reading it—it's great) can see that the science-fiction world is touching all elements of society and that things that were once strictly the property of super geeks are now out there for everyone to enjoy—for better or for worse.

In any case, I'll probably see Star Trek at some point. But I'm not going to feel bad if I miss it. And I'm also not going to turn in my geek card just because I'd rather hang out with Samwise than Spock. And if you don't like it, you can just kiss my Tulkas.

[Image via Natalie Dee.]

"Everyone has annoying habits, and a sizable part of every successful marriage is learning to live with those things each other does that annoy you," writes Wired's Matt Blum. "I think it's safe to say, too, that geeks have some habits that we think are awesome, but that non-geeks find a little...less awesome."

Among the most annoying habits: "using Frak or Klingon, or both, instead of regular swear words," "wearing obscurely geeky t-shirts to normal places," and "needing to watch certain TV shows ASAP to avoid spoilers." My fiance would like to add, "Talking about how much you hate Heroes even though you sit on the couch next to me and watch Heroes every time it's on instead of just leaving the room so I can watch Heroes without having to hear about everything that's wrong with Heroes." To which I say: get back to me when you can agree on giving our someday maybe future son the middle name Olórin. Geek.

10 Annoying Habits Of A Geeky Spouse [Wired]

She helpfully differentiates between geeks and nerds using the "PC v. Mac" debate. See, Mac users are cool geeks, who are computer-savvy without being seen as lame. PC users are the nerds, the (specifically) white males who can't dress themselves but still know CBASIC like the back of their hand. Sadly, the stigma of being a nerd hasn't died, even though everyone is suddenly wearing "nerd" glasses and dressing geek chic: "'Nerd' is a stickier term that is applied to people in a more negative way, 'Geek' is something you can do and then leave behind, but 'nerd' is what you are," Kendall says. [EurekAlert]

Marjorie Taylor, who makes "scientifically accurate fabric brains," describes the appeal thusly: "I thought the folds of the cerebral cortex would be great in velvet." She has since made three brain quilts and is at work on an MRI rug. Karen Norberg, meanwhile, knitted a wool brain so accurate it is now in Boston's Museum of Science, and is now making her own neurotransmitter quilt. Both women's work can be seen at the virtual Museum of Scientifically Accurate Fabric Brain Art. [New Scientist]

• Is Josh Davis Photography the Glamour Shots of the 21st-century?• Meanwhile, what is with the surge in popularity of people uploading their embarrassing late-'80s and early-'90s mall and school portraits on the internet? (Keep sending those Past Fashions!) • Psycho shut-ins rejoice! The Japanese have invented a tiny virtual girlfriend that you can pointlessly torture to make up for the fact you have no friends. • Recent police raids in Nigeria revel a network of baby "factories" that illegally breed babies to sell to childless couples. • A woman whose husband died in 2006 while trying to scale the summit of Mount Hood, has written a book defending her husband and his climbing companion's decision to climb right as a storm moved in on the mountain. • Tyra Banks finds a way to make Barack Obama's historic election all about her. • The FDA has received 930 reports of health problems caused by wrinkle-fighting injections over the past 6 years. •

So here is my question: I was a dork in high school. And sure, that probably helped make me a slut, but never the sort of boy crazy sociopath you'd expect, given my degree of social alienation. Why is Being A Nerd In High School so much more damaging to dudes than girls? Is it just that even nerdy girls get hollered at on the street?

Instant Message, Instant Girlfriend [NYT]

I wish this was the kind of world where say, 'Wow, I'd like to touch your breasts,' and people would understand that it's not a way of reducing you to a set of nipples and ignoring the rest of you, but rather a way of saying that I may not yet know your mind, but your body is beautiful.

We were standing in the hallway of ConFusion, about nine of us, and we all nodded. Then another friend spoke up.

"You can touch my boobs," she said to all of us in the hallway. "It's no big deal."

Now, you have to understand the way she said that, because it's the key to the whole project. The spirit of everything was formed within those nine words - and if she'd said them shyly, as though having her breasts touched by people was something to be endured or afraid of, the Open-Source Boob Project would have died aborning. But she didn't. Her words were loud and clearly audible to anyone who walked by, an offer made to friends and acquaintances alike.

Yet it wasn't a come-on, either. There wasn't that undertow of desperation of come on, touch me, I need you to validate my self-esteem and maybe we'll hook up later tonight. There was no promise of anything but a simple grope.

We all reached out in the hallway, hands and fingers extended, to get a handful. And lo, we touched her breasts - taking turns to put our hands on the creamy tops exposed through the sheer top she wore, cupping our palms to touch the clothed swell underneath, exploring thoroughly but briefly lest we cross the line from 'touching" to "unwanted heavy petting." They were awesome breasts, worthy of being touched.

Well, that didn't go over so well. Ferrett and his nerd cohorts were showered with outrage and mockery and virtual kicks in the balls and now he's apologized, saying what "works in a microcosm can't work in a macrocosm" and all sorts of stupid shit someone is surely saving for a screenplay on a GeekCon Rom Com about a booth babe who falls in love with a friendly hacker, because the Open Source Boob Project is seriously the funniest thing since Band Camp, unless you're the type to get offended by "double standards" or whatever, and we talked to someone who gets offended by that stuff (and also, has to actually attend science fiction conventions) and the only thing that offended her was that there were no rules for groping dudes. "I am a total repressed groper," she admitted. Me too, kinda! But um...that's what crowded bars in Williamsburg are for, right? Wait, forget I said that.

No No Ojou Chan!
Earlier: Elegy For A Booth Babe

Over on Craiglist, our new best-friend-if-we-only-knew-who-she-was, posts the delightful top 15 reasons why geeks and nerds make the best boyfriends

Our favorite:

"And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that's a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than "DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!" Believe me."

If only it were true.

We can dream [Craigslist]