• Earlier this week on The View, Joy Behar joked about Tiger Woods' mistress Rachel Uchitel: "Yeah, you-ka-tell she's a hooker." Uchitel didn't find it so funny, and her lawyer threatened to sue the show.

• The View responded by issuing this statement: "Joy Behar made a play on Ms. Uchitel's name. This was intended as a joke. We sincerely apologize for the choice of words and for any misimpression the joke may have created." [TMZ]
• Woods, for his part, is taking an "indefinite" break from golf. [ESPN]
• An unnamed Tiger Woods mistress bragged to friends that she had been trying to get pregnant by him for years. "She used to try to arrange to see Tiger when she was ovulating. She thought she'd be set for life financially if she could have Tiger's baby," said a source. Tiger had no idea, but hopefully he's learned an important lesson about birth control. [Radar Online]
• On the Today show, Jamie Jungers said she was introduced to Tiger Woods at a nightclub in 2005 and they ended up sleeping together. She said, "The more we drank, the more flirtatious it got." Isn't that how these things usually go? Jungers insists she isn't part of the escort service that some claim Tiger uses. "I got nothing from this relationship – except a broken heart," she said. [People]
• Escort-service owner Michelle Braun says of Jamie Jungers' story, "That's just a lie. Of course she's going to deny it. What girl is going to go on national TV and admit she was an escort?" [E!]
• In court today Anna Nicole Smith's two doctors and her lawyer, Howard K. Stern, plead not guilty to drug conspiracy charges. A judge refused to suspend the physicians' medical licenses, saying the case has been going on for years, so they're obviously not an "imminent danger." [AP]
• You may have heard that Courteney Cox and David Arquette are adopting a child, but her rep says it's a "complete fabrication." [Daily Express]
• Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson has been charged with first degree residential burglary and receiving stolen property for allegedly stealing lingerie, mail, clothing, and handbags from her ex-girlfriend Jasmine Lennard's home. [TMZ]
• Here's something you shouldn't regift: engagement rings. The ring Tila Tequila gave her fiancee Casey Johnson is actually the same ring she gave Courtenay Semel when they were dating."It is absolutely not real and Casey is well aware," said Courtenay. "I would not expect Tila to be able to differentiate a real diamond from a fake one. Her ring is as real as her engagement!"" [Radar Online]
• Ashlee Simpson has been cast as a supporting character in Nicole Richie's new sitcom. "Nicole adores Ashlee, and she truly believes in her talent," says a source. "With few other job prospects on the horizon, Ashlee - who desperately wants to establish herself as an actress - was feeling down until Nicole stepped up and promised: ‘I've got your back. What are girlfriends for?'" [Hollywood Scoop]
• Ick. Heidi Montag wrote on Twitter, "Here is a poem I wrote for my hubby Spencer," and linked to a 58-line poem about the flesh-bearded one. Here's a sample: "You are the most selfless, loving, perfect, caring, miraculous soul to be / Every day I am in aw (sic) of you / All of you passions motives are always so pure and true / I feel bad for all the women in the world who don't have you / But sorry ladies there is one and I don't share [Us]
• Charges have been dropped against the 22-year-old Chicago woman accused of videotaping a part of New Moon. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Def Leppard's former manager filed a lawsuit against the band for allegedly not paying her after a 2008 tour. [Radar Online]
• VIDEO: At LAX the paparazzi get too close to a woman in Axl Rose's entourage. He says, "touch her again, I'll break his fucking neck." The photographer touches her again and Axl knocks him to the ground. [TMZ]
• A woman called the police from Nelly's house after she saw "an older man with glasses and a mustache" walking around the house with a duffel bag full of video games and electronics. When the man was asked "why are you here?" he didn't answer and ran for an open window. Was it an early visit from Santa? [TMZ]
• Judy Garland and Sir Elton John were named the top gay icons by a voters on OnePoll.com. [Contact Music]
• Liza Minnelli says The Wizard of Oz isn't one of her favorite films. "I just loved her so and for some reason The Wizard of Oz bothers me when I see it. They do terrible things to her. ... That's 'cause it's my mom." [AP]
• Alyssa Milano is among the many Italian-Americans offended by Jersey Shore "My husband actually showed me the trailer on YouTube last night, and I got upset," she said. "It upset me. I was like, 'Turn that off!' So no, I don't think I'll be watching that!'" Nicole Polizzi, a.k.a. "Snookie," defended her show on The Wendy Williams Show saying, "The Italian, whatever, national, whatever their organization is, they don't understand that 'guidos' and 'guidettes' are good-looking people that, you know, like to make a scene and be center of attention and just take care of themselves... They are old-fashioned. They don't know that; they think it's offensive, because maybe in their time it was offensive, but now it's kind of a compliment. So they don't understand that and that is what we are trying to say. They are way overreacting to the show. We're 22 to 29 just having fun at the shore. They are just taking it way out of proportion." [Us]
• After a screening of her new film The Young Victoria Emily Blunt said, "I don't feel like I had a burning ambition to play the Queen of England... She learned not to mistake stubbornness for strength, and I learned about the humanity of that world." [Style]
• "I can't go two months without being pregnant, engaged, or breaking up because I'm too needy, which is always the one they love," says Kate Hudson. "I'm not needy. You kind of have to laugh it off, but it can kind of screw up other things around it." She added: "If I walk out on the street with any man, I'm dating him. I've been dating two of my best friends from high school who are like girls to me. I have a child, and there are people involved, and it's unfair to talk about somebody else, especially when you're not in that place yet to be discussing those things." [Star]
• Tori Amos says she went through years of therapy but her daughter Natashya, who was born in 2000, was "the missing piece of the puzzle for me. [Her birth] literally kicked out any kind of negativity or self-abuse that I was holding onto." [CNN]
• Dave Itzkoff, who interviewed the remaining members of the Jackson 5 for Sunday's New York Times Magazine says they "seemed mostly unaware of the aura that surrounds their surname. They were a quartet of garrulous, goofy, occasionally cantankerous men who just happen to belong to one of popular culture's most captivating and scrutinized families - and who are still coping with a devastating loss on that same tremendous scale." [N.Y.T.]
• "I am not proud of being rich," says Ricky Gervais. "I still think they are waiting for me to pick up the wrong fork." [ONTD]
• In Esquire's "What I've Learned" column, Peter Jackson admits, "I'm a technophobe. I don't know how the technology works. But I know what the technology is capable of, which is the important thing." He adds, "My thirteen-year-old daughter makes films with her friends on the weekends. Then she edits them on iMovie, and I sit with her and ask her to teach me how to do it. I'm trying to learn." [Esquire]
• 15-year-old Saoirse Ronan says of her character in The Lovely Bones, "I never really thought of Susie Salmon as someone who was dead... Although her body is dead, her soul is still there. That's what makes Susie who she is and that's what I love about her." [Reuters]
• After an Irish report found that Catholic church leaders covered up widespread sexual abuse of children for 30 years, Pope Benedict said he felt "outrage, betrayal, and shame," but Sinead O'Connor is still calling for him to step down. "Popes have had no problem voicing their opinions when we wanted contraception or divorce," O'Connor said. "No problem criticizing The Da Vinci Code. No problem criticizing Naomi Campbell for wearing a bejeweled cross. Yet when it comes to the evils done by pedophiles dressed as priests they are silent. It is grotesque, unbelievable, bizarre and unprecedented. They stand for nothing now but evil." [Reuters]
• Pierce Brosnan, who appears in Roman Polanski's upcoming film The Ghost, says of the director's arrest, "There's a sadness to the whole situation. What happened was wrong in every way, but I just wish the man well and closure for this time in his life, at this moment in time. He's a magnificent director. He's iconic in the world of cinema. I think we've made a good film, the cast is really top class and I just hope that justice will be served with some dignity and compassion, and swiftly... We had dinners, we talked, I met him before and we got on very well together, but I don't know the man. I certainly knew the history of the man, and my heart goes out to his family, to his wife and to his children, and, as I say, I hope this chapter can be closed quickly." [Daily Express]
• "I tried to lose my virginity when I was seven-years-old," Diddy tells Playboy. "I was on top of a girl who was nine or 10, but it didn't happen - so everybody doesn't have to bug out. My mother and the babysitter whipped my ass." [The Sun]

• Billy Ray Cyrus knows you're worried about Miley Cyrus dancing on an ice cream cart while holding a pole, and he has this to say:

"You know what? I just think that Miley loves entertaining people… I always tell her to love what you're doing and stay focused for the love of the art and not worry so much about opinion," In other words: Keep on poledancin', honey! [Access Hollywood]

• Miley Cyrus has a new man, her Last Song costar Liam Hemsworth, 18. A quick Google search finds him fairly cute. Or, you know, hot. [Gatecrasher]
• Gerard Butler threw Jennifer Aniston into the trunk of a car yesterday… on the set of The Bounty. [NY Post]
• Madonna — recently seen kissing Jesus Luz in Portofino, Italy while on a break from touring — is happy to have Luz around. And her kids "see Jesus as 'Mommy's friend.'" [MSNBC Scoop]
• Ugh: Stomach-churning details from the Jasmine Fiore murder. Cops claim that the murdered model's teeth and fingers were removed, probably to keep authorities from ID'ing the body. Suspect Ryan Jenkins (Jasmine's ex-husband), who taped Megan Wants A Millionaire in March, is still at large. [AP]
• The producers of Megan Wants A Millionaire say: "[The production company] was not aware of Ryan Jenkins' record when it cast him… Obviously, if the company had been given a full picture of his background, he would never have been allowed on the show. The company did have in place what it thought was a thorough vetting process that involved complete background checks by an outside company for all contestants on its shows. Clearly, the process did not work properly in this case." Jenkins was convicted of assaulting a girlfriend in 2005. [TMZ]
• Robert Hasman, a former boyfriend of Jasmine Fiore, was texting with Jasmine right before she died. She texted Hasman, saying she was going to Las Vegas to see him. TMZ claims: "It appears [Ryan] Jenkins may have seen the text because Hasman received a text shortly after saying 'suck it.'" Did the text set Jenkins off and send him into a murderous rage? [TMZ]
• Hmm. Jasmine Fiore never told her "mother figure" she married Ryan Jenkins. [CNN]
• A woman charged with snooping at Britney Spears' home in April has been sentenced to three years probation and 240 hours of community service. [Contact Music]
• Lindsay Lohan and Michael Lohan are NOT distant and are always happy to see each other. Says Michael Lohan. [Radar Online]
• Lindsay Lohan Tweeted that she'd be shopping at a store in downtown Manhattan yesterday afternoon, and then complained to friends, "Why are there all these people here?" when she arrived and found a pack of paparazzi outside the store. [Page Six]
• Let's just pretend this Heidi Montag workout website and fitness e-book is not happening, mmmkay? [Perez]
• Maybe we can also pretend that Spencer Pratt isn't talking about his new book How To Be Famous and saying stuff like "If I weren't me, I'd hate me. When you're the villain, you don't have to worry about how your enemy feels." [Gatecrasher]
• "Battle of the busty blonde singers: Heidi Montag and Kim Zolciak face off on the airwaves." [NY Daily News]
• BREAKING: Tyra Banks and rumored boyfriend John Utendahl had dinner. [Page Six]
• Katy Perry weighs in on the Lady Gaga-has-a-penis rumor: "Oh please, it's all very calculated. She knows what she's doing." As calculated as a former Christian singer warbling about a same-sex kiss? [LA Times]
• Hayden Panettiere, 20, is now dating Pink Taco owner Harry Morton, son of Hard Rock mogul Peter Morton. This column notes: "Harry, 28, is only slightly more age-appropriate for Panetierre than her 32-year-old ex, Milo Ventimiglia." [Page Six]
• Claire Danes looks smoking hot wearing platforms and fishnets in this photo shoot. [BlackBook]
• Some idiot threw a dildo at American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert during a show, and "Glambert" kicked it right back into the crowd. [Perez]
• Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon was on the Wendy Williams show when she let it slip that Jamie Foxx had a new baby. Apparently this had been a secret, but the baby girl's mother is a real-estate agent, described as "tall, muscular, pretty, brunette and white." [Mirror]
• Usher's ex-wife Tameka Foster wrote a blog entry for the Huffington Post called "She's Pretty For A Dark-Skinned Girl." Author Aisha Curry wrote the book Pretty For A Black Girl in 2007 and says: "I cannot and will not say she stole my idea, because you never should assume. However, I will say that It seemed like one heck of a coincidence and everything I touched on she did." [ONTD]
• Here's an interview with Michael Jackson's personal artist, David Nordahl, who created mythical and fantastical paintings for the King Of Pop. He created a work called Field of Dreams, in which MJ leads children of all nationalities (plus sister Janet, AIDS activist Ryan White and actor Macaulay Culkin) on a sunlit path. Click through for a different painting of MJ surrounded by cherubs. [USA Today]
• "A chubby clinic worker has claimed he had a LOVE AFFAIR with Michael Jackson." [The Sun]
• Tickets for the Michael Jackson movie go on sale September 27. [CNN]
• If you take pictures of Kenny Chesney during his concert, he will jump down and steal your memory card. [UPI]
• The divorce between Kelis and Nas is getting down to the dirty details: Who should get how much money. Apparently Nas makes about $244,000 a month; Kelis makes a mere $13,000 a month. She's asking for child support, spousal support, retro child support and retro spousal support. Maybe she should sing a song that's like, "Hey, hubby, baby I want your money…" Oh. Wait. [TMZ]
• Real Housewife Of Orange County Lynne Curtin was supposed to be evicted from her home but the papers were served to her daughter, who's a minor. [TMZ]
• Ladies love Salman Rushdie. [Page Six]
• Nelly and Ashanti: Splitsville. [Gatecrasher]
• Barbra Streisand's ex-boyfriend is auctioning off tapes he made of her earliest performances, in case you have $1 million lying around. [Page Six]
• Kids In The Hall reunion! [Variety]
• Billy Bob Thornton will star in a boxing flick called Pound for Pound, based on a novel by F.X. Toole, the author of the book that became Million Dollar Baby. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• "I don't think I have ever changed a diaper." — newly pregnant Kourtney Kardashian. [E!]
• "I wish my dad was here, but I know that he is here with us [in spirit], and I feel like this is definitely a blessing from him. It's bittersweet, and that's how I feel about getting married, too. I almost don't want to get married because I don't want him to not be there." — Kourtney Kardashian, on being pregnant without being able to talk to her late father, famed attorney Robert Kardashian. [People]
• "People come up to me in airports, and they're asking for my autograph not because I'm the drummer for the Chili Peppers. They really think I'm Will Ferrell. [I say] 'No, I'm not.' But they're still like, 'I loved you in 'Old School.' You're so funny.'" — Chad Smith. And really, the side by side pictures show an uncanny resemblance. [Gatecrasher]
• "He's such a cutie patootie. Sometimes I forget just how good-looking he is. While relationships are work, this just didn't feel like it. It's the kind of work that feels energizing rather than enervating. There's that pledge, and people talk about it being claustrophobic but I find it the opposite. I find it very freeing to know that, okay, it takes constant nurturing and attention, but I can also stop looking for the one-that's established. I can apply myself in other ways now. I have more time and energy to get shit done." — Claire Danes on recognizing fiancée Hugh Dancy is "the one." [BlackBook]
• "The fun thing about surgery is that they always have new things and you can always try things. I'm not sure what's on that list right now, but I'm sure as I get older, I'll want to keep up with maintenance as most Hollywood does." — Heidi Montag. [Perez]

• Miley Cyrus's YouTube account was hacked yesterday and a video was posted, claiming that the star is dead. The description reads: "Miley died this morning after being hit by a drunk driver. She always told us if anything ever happened to her then tell her loyal fans first before the public. R.I.P Miley, we'll never forget you!" It's all a lie and has since been pulled down. [Perez Hilton]
• Prince goes door-to-door in LA to preach the word of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Ahem. [Page Six]
• Jessica Alba is delighted by motherhood: "Everything is cute, everything is fun," say says, "including the explosive diarrhea — the best ever." Ew, sounds… shitty. [UPI]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty have split; she's back in London, alone and he may want to get back with his wife, Rosetta. Who will Sienna date next? [Daily Mail]
• Wanda Sykes was at a gay rights rally in Las Vegas on Saturday; she told the crowd: "You know, I don't really talk about my sexual orientation. I didn't feel like I had to. I was just living my life, not necessarily in the closet, but I was living my life. Everybody that knows me personally they know I'm gay. But that's the way people should be able to live their lives." But, Sykes said, Prop 8 made her feel like she was being attacked. "Now, I gotta get in their face," she said. "I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to be a black woman, and I'm proud to be gay." [Breitbart]

• A Sarah Palin book deal? The governor could get $7 million! [MSNBC]
• Angelina Jolie is "embarrassed" that her father was among the few celebs who supported John McCain. She's supposedly especially dismayed that he called Sarah Palin as running mate "a beautiful choice." Sigh. [Daily Express]
• Sheikh Abdulla Bin Hamad Bin Isa Al-Khalifa, son of the King of Bahrain, is suing Michael Jackson for breach of contract. Will MJ appear in court? Or will the dispute be settled? The sheik wants $7 million… [Daily Express]
• American Idol is filming in L.A. this week and contestants, families and staff have been strictly forbidden to mention the suicide that occurred in front of Paula's home. [TMZ]
• Breaking Hills news from Audrina Patridge: "There is going to be a fifth season. We just found out." She doesn't seem excited. "At one point, all of us were like, 'No, we don't want to do another season,'" she says. "I wanted to do more movies, and Whitney moved to New York and she’s doing her own spin-off. And Lauren’s dating [My Boys actor] Kyle [Howard] but he can’t be on the show because he’s on another show, so that makes it hard." [People]
• Ashlee Simpson thought she was going into labor on Saturday, but it was a false alarm. When will the wee Wentz arrive? [Perez Hilton]
• Kate Hudson: Spotted getting "very friendly" with a female model in Miami. [Perez Hilton]
• Kanye West says he never assaulted a photographer. "I put my hand up to prevent him from taking my image. I didn't assault him… The next morning, plastered across every media outlet... Kanye Gets Arrested. It didn't matter that I wasn't charged or that I hadn't assaulted anyone. All that mattered was that I was arrested." [People]
• The Brit tabs are not happy Kanye has namedropped Princess Diana. [The Sun]
• Hugh Jackman on getting intimate with Nicole Kidman in Australia: "The camera is like a dancer. If you watch any of [Baz Lurhmann's] movies, visually, the love scenes are like poetry." [People]
• Katie Holmes was asked who she considers a role model and answered: "Jada [Pinkett Smith] is so strong. She is a rare woman – a phenomenal friend, mother, wife. She inspires me." [People]
• No one laughed when Tom Cruise appeared in Nazi gear in a trailer for Valkyrie when this NY Times reporter was in a theater on Friday night. [NY Times]
• Kate Moss and Jamie Hince had a fight; she found a vial of his ex-girlfriend's blood he'd stashed as a memento. The ex is Raveonettes singer Sharin Foo; apparently Hince also kept a bunch of love letters from her as well. A spy says "He could just never bring himself to throw them away." Okay, but… blood? Are pressed flowers and photographs not enough? [The Sun]
• Suge Knight's been charged with two counts of possession of a controlled substance (meth and hydrocodone) and one count misdemeanor battery. These stem from an August incident in Las Vegas, in which he allegedly punched his girlfriend of three years, Melissa Isaac, in the back of the head while they were driving. [TMZ]
• Sigourney Weaver is in Morocco at the eighth Marrakech International Film Festival, where she was being honored. She says: "Things are not at all as simple as we in America perceive them about the role of women. We tend to lump the entire Arab world together, which is inaccurate. They love all the strength in women here; it's very much a part of the culture. It's going to take me a while to decipher all the contradictions from actually being here." [USA Today]
• Kelly Osbourne and Luke Worrall are engaged, if you believe Luke's Facebook profile. [NY Mag]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna's "soulmate," Alex Rodriguez, were at the same "showbiz" party in Miami and now the Brit tabs are saying he was "spellbound" by Gwynnie. [Mirror]
• Speaking of Madonna: She's got a video on her website asking people to donate to her school for girls in Malawi. [Mirror]
• Ridiculously romantic Seal and Heidi Klum are getting married again in Mexico, in the spring. This will be the fourth time. "It's where we got married in May 2005, and it's become a bit of a custom to get married there again every year," he explains. "We love it. It's great saying your vows again. You remember who it was you fell in love with. It's also a good excuse to have a big party, and we have a different theme every year." [Daily Mail]
• Amy Winehouse was on a "wild rampage" on Friday. [Mirror]
• Jean-Claude Van Damme spends most of this Newsweek interview hitting on the reporter, telling her: "I would love to be naked in front of you." He also invites her to the premier of his film and says, "We can have some champagne, you and me." [Newsweek]
• Charlize Theron has been named a United Nations messenger of peace, with a special focus on ending violence against women. [Reuters]
• Uh-oh: Justin Timberlake's New York City restaurant, Southern Hospitality, is being sued by a busboy (on behalf of 50 other employees), claiming the joint has cheated staff out of tips, proper pay and overtime. [Reuters]
• Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe share custody of the kids during the holidays. "I think the most important thing is to be a grownup," she says, "and not let any kind of feelings affect how you deal with your children." [People]
• Some of the original stars of ER are coming back for the final season, but not Julianna Margulies: She was invited but declined, saying, "I feel like I left [my character] Carol Hathaway in the best scenario possible." [AP]
• Isabel Lucas and Shia LaBeouf: It's on. She's the one who was in his car when it got totalled by another vehicle that ran a red light. And yeah, she's in the Transformers sequel. [News.com.au]
• My Big Fat Greek Wedding star Nia Vardalos and husband Ian Gomez have a baby. She was quietly adopted several months ago and is a toddler under five years old. Her rep says: "They are going public now to bring attention to National Adoption Month and the 500,000 children in foster care." [Yahoo News, People]
• Lily Allen's little brother Alfie and his fiancée, Jaime Winstone, had a "public row" after a boozy night. She screamed at him in the street! [Mirror]
• Rapper Nelly has a marketing deal with Ford, but he's not in ads or commercials: He just drives the Flex SUV and puts it in his video. It's promotion, not advertising. See? [Reuters]
• Rob Lowe says he and his kids fled the California wildfire near his home just in time: Apparently the flames were shooting 200 feet, the wind was blowing at 70 miles an hour and "it was just like Armageddon." [AP]
• Snoop Dogg's family and staff were among the 26,000 residents forced to evacuate due to the California wildfires; Snoop wasn't home. [Yahoo News]
• Ann Curry has been climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, Africa, for the Today show and says it's "like climbing a Stairmaster for six hours a day with 20 pounds on your back." Ann, 52, did not have much time to train because the trip was assigned at the last minute. "To be honest with you, I'm not sure I'm going to make it to the top," she says. "But all the pain and suffering is worth it because of the incredible vistas all around me." And: "I miss my family. And also warm showers. And I could really use a stiff drink." [AP]
• Are the Fugees getting back together? Wyclef Jean says maybe! Has he told Lauryn Hill? (He says, "It's not gonna happen without Lauryn.") [ITN]
• Bruno Tonioli says Simon Cowell wants to buy Strictly Come Dancing, the Saturday night rival show of his show, X Factor. Simon's spokesperson says it's a joke, but won't Simon own all TV shows someday? [Telegraph]
• In this interview with Helen Mirren, she talks about her tattoo, prostitutes of a certain age, and what makes her cry. Also, she rides a motorcycle in a new children's movie called Inkheart, and says: "I didn’t have to learn [to ride it] because I already had a motorbike when I was in my early twenties. So I thought, I don’t care what else happens, I want to be on that motorbike again." [Times]
• Oh, and here's Helen Mirren talking about what she was like as a schoolgirl. [Daily Mail]
• A car owned by David Beckham when he was 19 years old is up for sale. It's a 1994 Volkswagen Golf. No one wants to buy it. [The Sun]
• The house where David Beckham grew up is also up for sale. It's a three bedroom priced at £1million — about four times what it's worth — because the owners are trying to cash in on the fact that David Beckham lived there. For two years. As a baby. [Daily Mail]
• A new character on Lost could be part of the Dharma Initiative. [EW]
• Celebs sometimes edit their own Wikipedia entries, but, more often, a publicist does it for them. Apparently the head of communications at Wikipedia gets a few complaints a week from star reps asking for changes. [Yahoo News]
• Bernie Mac's daughter says: "When I turn a corner, I'm still thinking, 'I'm going to see him.' I've had moments where I've woken up and I've sworn I could feel him smacking me on the back of the leg. I'll say, 'That hurts. I told you to stop. You're still so heavy-handed, even on the other side.' […] He was my dad, my first guy I ever fell in love with, my protector. He was the one I laughed with. It's going to be very hard to live without that." [People]
• Melissa Joan Hart's got two small sons and says "It's a constant workout. You don't have time to eat because you're chasing them all the time!" [People]
• Debbie Matenopolous of E! and formerly of The View is about to be single again: Her husband has filed for divorce. [UPI]
• Paul McCartney wants to release "Carnival Of Light," a 14-minute experimental track the Beatles recorded in 1967 but never released. The recording includes distorted guitar, organ sounds, gargling and shouts of "Barcelona!" and "Are you all right?" A hit, to be sure. [AP]
• Kevin Costner and his band Modern West released a CD last week. The sound is "rock-roots with elements of country." Costner says: "When I'm making a movie I'm playing whoever I'm playing. But my personality comes out on stage when I play live. That's when you see me the clearest." [AP]
• Former Guns N' Roses drummer Steven Adler was charged with heroin possession; he's hoping to head to rehab instead of jail and then maybe back with the band. [Reuters]
• Former Soul train host Don Cornelius: Charged with spousal battery, assault with a deadly weapon and dissuading a witness from making a police report. He could face up to one year in prison for each of the five misdemeanor charges. [AP]
• A writer visits Jamie Oliver's Ministry of Food in Rotherham to find out if the project — a walk-in center on the town's main square offering advice and free cooking lessons to anyone who cares to sign up — is working. [Guardian]
• Terri Irwin: Not looking for romance. [UPI]
• Did Terri Irwin "ignore" Bob Irwin, Steve Irwin's dad, at Steve Irwin Day celebrations at Australia Zoo? Bob wasn't mentioned at all and was not seated with Terri or his grandchildren. [News.com.au]
• Legal drama involving the estate of Don Ho. [UPI]
• Believe it or not, cheesy '80s series Greatest American Hero is becoming a feature film. Oh, and there will be an A-Team flick as well as a 21 Jump Street movie. All of your memories, rehashed. [LA Times]
• Speaking of remakes, a producer has offered Arnold Schwarzenegger a cameo in a remake of Conan The Barbarian. The dude says: "He was smiling, but he didn't say yes." [Daily Express]
• "I said, 'Great, I'll do it!' It's very exciting to do something where no artifice is required. The only artifice is going to be your pretending to be that person. You're not going to have any other physical props, nothing to make you more attractive. Because attractive isn't the issue here." — Kristin Scott Thomas, on finding out she wouldn't be wearing any makeup for her role in I've Loved You So Long. [Washington Post]
• "Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and have an idea and have to get up and record it straight away before I forget it. Or with 'Hero,' I was in the studio and someone was telling me about this film Hero with Dustin Hoffman in it. I took a walk to the bathroom and when I came back I had this idea for a song, and that was what then became 'Hero.'" — Mariah Carey. [Daily Express]
• "One time I met this guy in a restaurant on a date and he was really fun. Then we hung out at another bar and, as we were saying our goodnights, he says: 'So, are you coming home with me or not?' I was like: 'WHAT?' To me, that was probably the most bizarre ending to a date I've ever been on. Was I a prude? Oh well, that was the end of him. He lost me in one night." — Kate Hudson on her "date from hell." [Daily Mail]
• "He’s a man and he will always want more sex than he gets. Pete might not get it often… but when he does it’s worth it." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [The Sun]
• "I don't know what the motivation was. I remember it was something really vulgar - I mean shockingly so, like, 'Whoa, what, who are you?' I don't really know that person [Lohan]. I only met her, like, three times." — Scarlett Johansson, on the incident in which Lindsay Lohan scrawled "Scarlett is a bloody cunt" on a bathroom wall two year ago. [New York Post]
• "I studied homeopathy for years and years. Herbs and all kinds of acupuncture, acupressure, alternative medicine. I think it's just better to treat the whole person. And the wonderful thing I've seen over the last 20 years is how mainstream medicine has really opened its doors to alternative medicine." — Sissy Spacek. [NY Post
• "PAPARAZZI GIVE REAL PHOTOGRAPHERS A BAD NAME. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, THEIRS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND DOLLARS… LET US NOT FORGET THE PAPS KILLED PRINCESS DIANA. WHEN WILL THERE BE A LAW PASSED THAT SIMPLY ENFORCES THAT SOMEONE HAS TO ASK TO TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE COMMON COURTESY. RIGHT NOW THE PAPS ARE ABOVE THE LAW AND THE PEOPLE THEY SHOOT ARE BELOW IT. WHAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IS PICTURES TAKEN WITH THE INTENT TO SELL….LIKE DRUGS WITH THE INTENT TO SELL… THE COPS WERE VERY CORDIAL BUT TOLD ME THEY HAD TO ARREST ME BECAUSE A COMPLAINT WAS FILED. THAT WAS THE BOGUS PART. THEY PLACED ME IN HANDCUFFS AND DROVE ME TO THE STATION. THEY SPOKE ABOUT HOW THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A PUBLICITY STUNT BY THE PHOTOGRAPHER BUT THEY STILL HAD TO GO THOUGH THE MOTIONS." — Kanye West. [Perez Hilton]

• Is Ashley Olsen getting married? The National Enquirer thinks so. It'll happen on the French Riviera next summer; she wants Karl Lagerfeld to make the dress and Annie Leibovitz to take the pix. Oh, the hubs-to-be is boyfriend Justin Bartha. [Daily Express]
• Ryan Reynolds ran the NYC marathon! His time? 3 hours and 50 minutes, faster than he anticipated. "It was an incredible experience," he says. He was asked how he'd celebrate and claimed: "I'll probably celebrate by eating my own body weight in raw dough." [People]
• Heh, things were "frosty" between Tina Fey and John McCain on Saturday Night Live. [MSNBC]
• A "crazed" Madonna fan stormed on to the set of Guy Ritchie's new movie and threatened to kill him. The teenager had a knife and was shouting, "I love Madonna." He was arrested, though if he were cast in Guy Ritchie's movie, that would be believable. [Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's kids went trick-or-treating in Malibu on Friday. Maddox was a Marine; Zahara was a Jolly Green Giant; Shiloh was a sheriff. Need pix!!! [Star Magazine]

• Ooh, check out Angelina's eyes on the cover of British Harper's Bazaar. [ONTD]
• The head of rap label Def Jam died Saturday: Shakir Stewart, who succeeded Jay-Z as VP in June, committed suicide. [Reuters]
• Daniel Craig talks about his arm: "I tore my shoulder when we were making Casino Royale and it started to ache during Quantum Of Solace. I went to see a surgeon and had reconstructive surgery - I had six pins put in. So now I can't really move my arm and it's a little painful, but I'm having physio every day, and it's healing well." [Daily Mail]
• Lindsay Lohan will have her deposition videotaped in Samantha Ronson's ongoing lawsuit against her former attorney. She has a lot of conditions, though, and wants the transcripts to be destroyed when the case is over. [E!]
• Lindsay was supposed to host the World Music Awards in Monaco next weekend, but she's been replaced by, um, Denise Richards. Downgrade! [Mirror]
• Simon Cowell and girlfriend Terri Seymour: Dunzo. She ended it after 6 years. Want to guess who doesn't believe in marriage? [Newser.com]
• After Terri broke up with him, Simon allegedly said "Thank God! " [Daily Mail]
• Terri wanted kids, Simon did not. [Mirror]
• Simon also says: "You know, the most incredible thing I’ve seen on TV for absolutely ages was the Sarah Palin/Joe Biden debate. I watched it for an hour and there wasn’t one second I wasn’t completely riveted. I would love to bring the concept of the American presidential debate to Britain. I know I could engage the audience, get people involved." [Daily Mail]
• Peaches Geldof walked out of a London store with an item of clothing draped over her arm and didn't pay for it. A shopkeeper ran out and confronted Peaches, who said it was an accident. Apparently this is the fourth time she's walked out of a store without paying for clothes, although it seems like she always has a good excuse. [Mirror]
• Joaquin Phoenix, who is retiring from acting, might be back on drugs: He was "out of it" at a tribute to Paul Newman last week in San Francisco. Grief-stricken, maybe? [Page Six]
• Peaches' husband's band has a new single, "She Loves Everybody," about a controlling, insecure girl who craves affection. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse has gained weight and is trying to stop smoking. She's still hooked on sugar, however. [Mirror]
• Oh, wait, Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital. It seems to be related to the chest infection she had last week. Or her emphysema. [People]
• A New Zealand TV journalist is being investigated and might lose her job after a "trainwreck" interview with Pink; it seems the woman's sister used to be Pink's assistant and the reporter ambushed the pop star with questions about why she'd fired her sister. [News.com.au]
• More weird New Zealand news: A pizza chain used a Halloween ad which featured skeletal animations of the Queen Mother, Sir Edmund Hillary and Heath Ledger dancing on gravestones. The company has apologized. [Times of London]
• In case you couldn't already guess, Tyra is endorsing Barack Obama. [Yahoo News]
• Usher is taking a year off from music to travel the world and find "inspiration." Good luck! [Mirror]
• Jessica Simpson's BFF, stylist Ken Paves, had his face bloodied during a paparazzi crush outside of an L.A. restaurant. There were so many cameras swarming that some guy accidentally hit Ken near his eye with a camera. Jess and Ken made it to the car, and went directly to the hospital. [TMZ]
• Bruno, aka Sacha Baron Cohen, crashed a rally banning gay marriage in California. [Yahoo New]
• There was a memorial for Jennifer Hudson's family members, including nephew Julian King, on Sunday. His second-grade teacher read from journals written by his classmates. [AP]
• Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown is renewing her vows in Egypt, but Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham doesn't plan to attend. Snubby spice? [The Sun]
• It appears to be really and truly on between Criss Angel and Holly Madison. If you have a strong stomach, gaze upon this image of them kissing. [TMZ]
• Mindy McCready is out of jail. [E!]
• Here's a video in which Senator John McCain meets Anna Nicole Smith, one of her "biggest fans." [Politico]
• Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio have Oscar buzz for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Revolutionary Road, but Oscar voters tend to like it when actors play real people. [Reuters]
• Nigella Lawson once made her kids give their Christmas gifts to charity. "I wanted them to think about how lucky they are," she explains. Hmm, could work, could make them harbor resentment. [The Sun]
• Bon Jovi's being sued for £250,000 after one of the rock group's entourage allegedly deliberately ran over a woman with a golf cart at a concert. [Telegraph]
• Viggo Mortensen is in a film adaptation of a play about about an ordinary man in 1930s Germany being slowly co-opted by the Nazis. He says the story has relevance today; "You don't need to be some kind of bookworm or political activist; little and big decisions that individuals make in society on a daily basis are what any country is." [LA Times]
• LL Cool J has been inducted into the Long Island, NY Music Hall Of Fame. Didn't know there was such a thing, but, congrats? [UPI]
• Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones have made a very important election-related video you simply must watch. [Funny Or Die]
• Is Sienna Miller's relationship with Balthazar Getty fizzling out? [Mirror, Daily Mail]
• In an op-ed about paparazzi and papers vs. celebrities — especially Sienna Miller, who's gone to court seeking damages for a "campaign of harassment" by photographers, this writer states: "We have no right to invade people's privacy, but we do have a time honoured journalistic tradition of doing so that I would hate to see disappear." [Independent]
• Kylie Minogue would love to be an actress: "I’d love to do a comedy." [The Sun]
• It's weird to think about Dakota Fanning as 14-year-old sophomore and varsity cheerleader in real life, but that is what she is. [USA Today]
• Elle UK asked Kelly Osbourne to be part of a photography portfolio celebrating friendship and love; she decided to do it with her boyfriend. "My boyfriend is my best friend," she says. "We always go shopping together, we like going to music festivals and we chat on the phone a thousand times a day." [Elle UK]
• Haven't heard about these two in a while, but Nelly says he and Ashanti are "serious." They've been on and off since 2003. [People]
• Here's a piece about how stars change shape for films. A former Royal Marine who has worked on the last five James Bond films, has also been training with Jake Gyllenhaal for Prince Of Persia. He says: "Most actors are athletes nowadays. Their fitness is a big factor in whether they get cast or not. Jake has to look like a warrior capable of sword-fighting, not like he's been hitting the gym. He is working out twice, sometimes three times a day, six days a week, for three to four months on top of stunt rehearsals before filming begins." Ready to go back to bed? [Times of London]
• Did Paris Hilton steal Benji Madden from Sophie Monk? This was 8 months ago, if you care. [News.com.au]
• Johnny Carson's former lawyer is calling the Tonight Show host a sad, depressed man who cheated on his wives and was tormented by his mother. Tears of a clown? [Page Six]
• Whoa: Mickey Rourke once planned to kill a man and then commit suicide, because the guy had raped a woman he knew. [The Sun]
• The Pet Shop Boys will be presented with an outstanding contribution to music award at next year's Brit Awards, which means Simon Cowell won't get it. What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this? [BBC News, Mirror]
• The Communist Party of St. Petersburg must not have much to do, because they're pissed at "Bond girl" Olga Kurylenko for "sleeping with the West." [UPI]
• Jean-Claude Van Damme canceled promotional appearances for a film because one of his dogs is in a coma. Tragic! [Page Six]
• "Kate Winslet is always naked, sitting on a toilet, running buck-naked. She's free. I want to be the kind of actress who can really be comfortable with my body like that" — Halle Berry in Elle. [Page Six]
• "I've kept in touch with William — he's really good looking. But I prefer Harry, he's more my type." — Paris Hilton on the Princes. [Mirrror]
• "I need you to make the best sub you have ever made because it's for Snoop Dogg," A "handler" to a Subway employee in Australia. [News.com.au]
• "I've always been a slow starter. My first date was with a girl called Cessi. We had a beautiful relationship over the phone all summer and then when we met I couldn't look her in the eye." — Leonardo DiCaprio. [Guardian]
• "I don't know if seniors like me at all. I think they're a little sick of me. I think they say, 'Get off! We just want to rest.' I thought I was wonderful. Then I saw a replay. I couldn't believe I was just one, two, three, turn. I didn't have the spunk I thought I had." — Cloris Leachman, on her final Dancing With The Stars performance. [Newsweek]
• "Owen Wilson is so divine in this film. I've never seen him play a part like this. He was a man; he was a husband; he was a father. And I feel like, how brave of him, to walk through the year that he walked through." — Jennifer Aniston on her Marley And Me costar. [LA Times]
• "It's a different part of my life. I try and look back on it with fondness but when I'm reminded of it I'm really embarrassed… Honestly, I really hoped my daughter wouldn't see it, otherwise she'd never listen to a thing I say again. I thought I was the coolest guy in the world but really I was just a jackass." — Mark Wahlberg on his "Marky Mark" music career. [Telegraph]
• "If someone starts talking to me negatively about something they've never actually studied that actual text of, I don't really admire them very much because it shows they don't have much integrity, so I just kind of ignore them. I'm not going to listen to gossip and hearsay about something that's affected my life so tremendously in such a tremendously positive way. It's a new religion. Historically every new religion has been [dismissed]. People were hanged, fed to the lions for their beliefs so this is just a modern day evolution of what happens when something new comes into our culture. It is not fully understood yet. I've seen drug addicts completely rehabilitated, I've seen the illiterate become literate, I've seen people that were so depressed and hopeless completely rehabilitate their goals in life, become happier, find partners. It's beautiful." — Jenna Elfman on Scientology. [Perez Hilton]
• "Every other guy I've been out with has used me for money or sex — but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people… I loved this guy for three years but he betrayed me. Rick’s a scumbag and I hate him. It was just the most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me. So humiliating and embarrassing. But at the end of the day, I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve found someone who loves me for me. Benji’s my best friend and I know he’d never hurt me." — Paris Hilton. [News Of The World]
• "To go on about acting as art is ridiculous. You don’t have to be gifted just to hit a mark and a line. As far as I’m concerned, that’s 90 per cent of the job. Anyone who finds acting difficult just shouldn’t be doing it." — Kurt Russell. [Daily Express]
• "I'm thinking, 'If this guy (Jesus) can die for mankind, the least I can do is quit smoking. I really felt an epiphany was happening. I even thought I saw a light around me. Four hours later, I bought a packet of Marlboro Reds. Who am I kidding? I need a cigarette." — Gerard Butler, on his religious experience at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, Israel. [ONTD]
• "I shaved my back just in case. I went fully bare, like a two year old. I was ready. I didn't want to be too real for the world. I don't think the world is too ready for a hairy back in a love scene. Has there ever been a sex scene with Robin Williams? People don't want to see that. That would border on bestiality." — Seth Rogen, on preparing himself for Zack And Miri Make A Porno. [Daily Express]

• Between expanding his "empire," hosting Mad Men parties, judging Project Runway, and, presumably, tanning, Michael Kors is guesting on Gossip Girl. "I love the clothes, everyone is good-looking, the plot line is a riot," Kors says. "I love the show. They called and said, 'You are very Gossip Girl.' I thought, 'Finally, I am a teenager.'" Question: When does this guy have time to actually design? [WWD]
• Perennial fashion critic Mr. Blackwell hospitalized! [AP]
• Just try and get rid of Heatherette! Rumors to the contrary, the glitzy design duo ain't going anywhere. [The Cut]
• NYC Boutique Opening Ceremony staying open for a marathon 72 hours. Cause that's what Olympic athletes would want them to do. [New York Times]

• July was a rough one for retailers; even Wal-Mart tanked. [WWD]
• Tyra/Michelle may have a lock on Bazaar, but Cindy McCain's got mag connections too, albeit crummy ones: "News of Tyra Banks' homage to Michelle Obama in the September issue of Harper's Bazaar broke Tuesday, but that didn't stop Cindy McCain from stopping by the Hearst Tower that afternoon to have lunch with Hearst Magazines president Cathie Black, Cosmopolitan's Kate White, Joanna Coles of Marie Claire and Rosemary Ellis of Good Housekeeping. During the lunch, McCain's daughter, Bridget, sent her mother a picture via BlackBerry of a new dress, seeking approval before leaving the house. The potential first lady approved." [WWD]
• The battle 0f the vibrating mascaras! [New York Times]
• The "work to flirt" dress: slutty for both day and evening! [Telegraph]
• Tara Subkoff capitalizes on the perennial power of faux lesbianism to sell clothes. Also, looks silly in today's GBU. [The Cut]
• The Nike equestrian boot is controversial. "One rider opined on a Web site that it looks like "the stripper boot of the horse world." U.S. Olympic rider Gina Miles wonders if wearing a swoosh might lead to lower scores in a sport that prides itself on centuries-old traditions. And Nike archrival Adidas, which is also creating new shoes for the Games, said no to riding boots. "We didn't feel we could come in with some meaningful innovation," says James Carnes, Adidas' creative director." [Business Week]
• More immediate, community-fostering webzines giving fashion mags a run for their big money. [New York Times]
• Behind-the-scenes vid of Nelly for Sean John undies. NSFW, obvs. [The Life Files]
• So that's why he looks like a shorn lamb: Justin Timberlake cuts his own hair. "I don’t require hair or nail appointments. I actually cut my own hair — that’s why it’s all the same length." [The Sun]
• Nine companies fined for non-disclosure of "inappropriate drawstrings" on children's clothing. [CNN]
• Is Wilhelmina modeling agency going public? [New YorkTimes]
• New fashion director appointed to Out mag. Grant Woolhead "is joining Out, recently acquired by Regent Media, as it publishes its September fashion issue. The issue, due to hit Aug. 12, features Neil Patrick Harris on the cover and has188 ad pages, up from 172 last year, according to Aaron Hicklin, Out's editor in chief." [WWD]
• Ancient lensman Bill Cunningham on summer scarves. [New York Times]
• File under: we should all have such troubles. The agony of care labels on expensive clothes. [The Cut]
• Teen retailers, including - if you can believe it - HotTopic - are feeling the pinch. [Wall Street Journal]
• Somehow grossly-named luxury retailer Aquascutum expanding. Prices are very reasonable. "The Aquascutum London line will feature blouses, wool skirts, and silk graphic dresses with pricing around $780. The vintage collection will include designs inspired by Aquascutum’s archives, such as a hot pink wool swing coat priced at $3,940." [Fabsugar]
• Yuck. Thanks to the Olsen Twins (and yeah yeah I know they don't wanna be called that), "glossy leggings" are a must for fall. [ElleUK]
• Paging summer '03! Band-Aids as "fashion accessories." [New York Times]
• Protect your investment: "A perk that comes with the purchase of a pricey status handbag is that most makers will fix broken straps and zippers, missing rivets and torn linings — often free of charge, if the fixes are simple." [Wall Street Journal]
• "Christian Francis Roth is back. A fashion darling of the early Nineties, Roth is trying to make his mark again with a contemporary spring collection called Francis by Christian Francis Roth, inspired by high school cliques." It's apparently the clique who wore really, really, really ugly clothes. [WWD]

• Whom to believe?! Page Six? "Marc Jacobs is a newlywed. The designer and his hot Brazilian love, Lorenzo Martone, were married in a civil solidarity pact Sunday in France. "He's totally excited," said an insider. "He said he's head-over-heels in love with Lorenzo. His life is coming together now." Civil solidarity pacts were instituted in France in 1999, but they are not legally binding. Jacobs isn't taking his honeymoon yet - he's busy with his show for New York Fashion Week in September." [Page Six]
• ...or Perez Hilton?! "Despite erroneous reports to the contrary…Sources reveal exclusively to PerezHilton.com that design god Marc Jacobs and his hot new Brazilian boyfriend did not get married in Paris on Sunday. However, insiders close to the couple tell us that M.J. and Lorenzo Martone (pictured above) are "very happy" together." They're both such infallible sources! [Perez Hilton]
• Model Jodie Kidd on being busted for drugs by the tabloids: "I was just someone minding their own business, plodding on in life. They had no need to do it because I'm not a bad person. I was very shocked. It was totally out of the blue," [Telegraph]

• Legendary model Lauren Hutton for Brit chain Mango. [ElleUK]
• Nelly is the new face — body? — of Sean John undies. Says Diddy, "To me, Nelly is the quintessential definition of the Sean John man. He has the attitude, the swagger, and most of all the physique that our customers can both aspire and relate to. And let’s be honest, all of the ladies out there are going to be thanking us for this campaign. The images are so strong; they speak for themselves. We are truly excited to welcome Nelly into the Sean John family.” [Concrete Loop]
• Apparently eager to break into the hideous shoe/sneaker hybrid market, Nine West and New Balance are teaming up. [Wall Street Journal]
• Ralph Lauren's Olympics uniforms? Exactly how you'd imagine 'em done by the king of fake-prep: "The opening-ceremony look consists of classy navy blazers with white driving hats and canvas walking shoes; for the closing ceremonies, it's classic polos and sleeveless sweaters." [The Cut]
• And they're apparently a good co to invest in. You know, if you have spare money. [The Street]
• Perfumers Society honors Bath and Body Works pres as "a living legend." [WWD]
• Stila knows what young women care about: lipstick! Voting? Not so much. But if you buy this Rock the Vote Red lipstick! a portion of your purchase goes to Rock the Vote, which got exactly no one to vote last time around. [Allure]
• Roberto Cavalli is waffling on whether to sell shares of his company. [Portfolio]
• Architect Zaha Hadid is collaborating with green Brazilian footwear brand Melissa. "The curvature of the limited-edition shoe is familiar from many recent projects by Zaha Hadid Architects, including the new London Aquatic Centre. "The fluidity of our design combined perfectly with the technology of Melissa's plastic, injecting pieces without closures or seals," says Hadid. " [Dazed Digital]
• Coach profits climb, defying recession. [WWD]
• Calvin Klein and Donna Karan are in Africa. The end. [Fashion Week Daily]
• So, because we're in a recession, we should be dressing like 1930s newsies. My finance friend says that this is actually far more like the recession of the 1970s, economically speaking, so I'm sticking with my maxis. [Newsbusters]
• Retailers struggling with "toughest selling season." [WWD]
• Artist Damien Hirst buys 80,000 pounds' worth of fake punk clothing online. Caveat emptor! [VogueUK]