[Paris, October 9. Image via x17]

[LAX, September 25. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• After six months, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are moving to Germany. Maybe. But! "Friends" say there's tension. [Daily Mail]
• Award-winning journalist Christiane Amanpour says Renée Zellweger is "very smart about current affairs." That is an enviable endorsement. [NY Observer]
• Lindsay and Sam loved Tina Fey's Sarah Palin impersonation. [Page Six]
• Natalie Portman: Single again. She and Devendra Banhart will remain friends but need space. Perhaps his beard was coming between them. [In Touch, People]
• Sharon Stone still has custody of her son, whom she supposedly lost custody of earlier this month. Seems like the court clerk made some kind of error. [TMZ]
• Kelly Osbourne on Victoria Beckham and Jennifer Lopez: "I was directly across from them [at a show during Fashion Week]. I've never seen two people pretend to like each other more in my life. They were holding hands, but it looked like Victoria was holding a shitty bit of toilet paper!" [Mirror]

• Simon Cowell on finding out that Clay Aiken is gay: "Wow, that's a shock. It's like being told Santa Claus isn't real — unbelievable! I don't think anyone cares. Let's face it. It's 2008. You know, who cares?" [MSNBC]
• Here's another shocker: Clay Aiken's baby pictures had a bargain-basement price tag, nowhere near what People paid for the Jolie-Pitt spawn. [MSNBC]
• Rosie O'Donnell's reaction to Clay's gay news: "I love Clay. He is a beautiful man in every way." [Yahoo News]
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are supposedly in couples counseling. [Daily Mail]
• Queen Latifah's Rolls Royce has an Obama license plate. So elitist! [The.Life Files]
• Paul McCartney is in Israel, which banned the Beatles in 1965. But now the Army Radio news station has been playing the Beatles' greatest hits. Although pro-Palestinian groups have urged McCartney to boycott Israel, he's performing tonight for the first time. [LA Times]
• Paul McCartney has more Israeli security than when George Bush visits. [Mirror]
• Ashley Olsen is on vacation with her beau, Justin Bartha, in Las Vegas. They've been making out in clubs and catching shows and shacking up in the penthouse suite at Caesars Palace. Don't forget the Liberace Museum! It's totally cheesetastic. [E!]
• It's official: Johnny Depp wil be the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland. [Reuters]
• Bret Michaels went to a LensCrafters in Springfield, IL and was mobbed by fans for "about an hour." [UPI]
• Oprah has joined the cast of the Disney film The Princess And The Frog, which is the Mouse Co.'s first black princess movie. Maybe she'll keep it from being a total disaster? [Reuters]
• Lance Armstrong got advice from his ex-wife Kristin before coming out of retirement to do the Tour de France. "Quite frankly, if she had said, 'I don't support it,' or 'I'm not into it,' I wouldn't have done it," he says. [People]
• "Magician" David Blaine finished his recent stunt of hanging over Central Park. Yawn. [USA Today]
• We've seen this Angelina Jolie doll before but it never ceases to be scary. [Perez Hilton]
• Hugh Hefner's Girls Next Door desire different things: Kendra wants kids; Bridget wants a career on the Travel Channel; Holly says, "I want everything!" [E!]
• Hmm, this report says that Kendra is seeing Philadelphia Eagle Hank Baskett; Holly is dating Criss Angel and Bridget is seeing Nick Carpenter, Marisa Tomei's ex-boyfriend. [Page Six]
• Metal fans are complaining that Metallica's new album is too loud. [WSJ]
• Harry Connick Jr. saw some couple getting frisky in a hotel ballroom, so he played the piano for them. [Fox 411]
• Former Bachelorette Jen Schefft is engaged, not that you care. The dude looks a little like Joe Millionaire. [People]
• Steven Tyler is suing unknown bloggers who impersonated him on the Web. How do you sue people when you don't know who they are? [MSNBC]
• Legally Blonde: The Musical is closing, OMG you guys. [Variety]
• Will Smith is planning a prequel to I Am Legend, because that is what the world needs now. [Variety]
• Correction: What the world needs now is a Partridge Family remake. [Variety]
• Rachel McAdams joins the cast (Jude Law, Robert Downey Jr.) of Sherlock Holmes, directed by Guy Ritchie. [Reuters]
• Can Ali Lohan's floundering music career get some help from Johnny Wright, the man who worked with NSync, Justin Timberlake and the Jonas Brothers? [Page Six]
• Mariah Carey is the global ambassador for the Yum! Foundation's appeal to raise money for the United Nations World Food Programme. [Daily Express]
• Joan Rivers made Nazi jokes; AOL censored them. [Page Six]
• A family has dropped their lawsuit claiming that a hospital caused distress to a dying woman when they moved her to make room for Michael Jackson back in 2005. [Yahoo News]
• With Sunday's premiere, The Simpsons will tie Gunsmoke's record of 20 seasons on the air. [USA Today]
• "I didn’t want the perfume launch to be boring like Victoria Beckham’s, Kelly Brook and the others. I saw Victoria in pictures wearing the white dress with a kind of furry thing on the back and I just thought she’s on another night out. I had no idea she was supposed to be promoting her new perfume. She didn’t make any effort. She should have a bit more fun with it like I did. I envisaged a beach with a half-naked lady and that’s what I did. Now everyone has seen my new boobs, and I hope I’ve made the public happy." — Katie Price, the "glamour model" known as Jordan. [Mirror]
• "I'm only naked for about seven minutes in a show that runs about 2¼ hours." — Daniel Radcliffe, who is supposedly awesome in Equus. [USA Today]
• "I'm not too careful what I say. I'm old enough to have my opinions and if they’re not politically correct, then so be it." — Joan Collins. [Daily Express]
• "Giving kids whatever they want is disastrous parenting. There’s no sense of something earned. I’m sorry but when you’re 12 you don’t need a new mobile phone every few months just because a new one comes out. I’m not going to buy her the latest phone, I’m not going to buy her an iPod every time one comes out and I’m definitely not going to buy her a pony. As a result, my kids don’t want for very much. They’re not greedy. They’re wonderful, wonderful children. Saying No helps. That’s what parents don’t understand. If you want to produce really horrible, obnoxious kids, say Yes to them all the time." — Ewan McGregor. [Daily Express]
• "It is extraordinary to me that you can find $700 billion to save Wall Street and the entire [Group of Eight nations] can't find $25 billion to save 25,000 children who die every day of preventable disease and hunger. I presume these people [in the Bush administration] know what they're doing. Bankruptcy is a serious business. But this is moral bankruptcy." — Bono, weighing in on President Bush's bailout pan, at the Clinton Global Initiative. [Rush & Molloy]

[New York, September 11. Images via X17.]

• The crew on Madonna's world tour is threatening to quit because they had to stay at a cheap airport hotel while she stayed in an £11,000-a-night castle. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Her Madgesty said, "Let them eat cake." [Mirror, WOW Report]
• Here's the latest on David Duchovny: He may have had an addiction to online porn. And he may have released a statement about it because he was already in treatment and a fellow patient was about to sell info to the tabloids. [Fox News]
• Looking back at old interviews, Duchovny revealed his love of porn and '80s porn stars. [People]
• Meanwhile, Tea Leoni has canceled her appearance at the Toronto Film Festival. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan hung out with Sam Ronson instead of going to her grandfather's wake on Long Island. [The Sun]
• Lindsay signed a MySpace message "This song is for SR… ILY." Translation: "This song is for Sam Ronson. I love you." [Pop Dirt]
• Are Queen Latifah and her long time partner Jeanette Jenkins planning on adopting? Are they out now? [ONTD]

• Some dude's been arrested for stealing a digital camera that had pictures of Kate Middleton and Prince William vacationing in Mustique together. The camera belonged to Kate's little sister Pippa and the guy intended to sell the snaps to the tabloids, obvs. [Daily Mail]
• Kevin Spacey: Seen pinching the bare bottom of some dude. [Mr. Paparazzi, via Perez Hilton]
• Says a witness: "Kevin looked like he was having a brilliant time." [The Sun]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck of The View is heading to the Republican National Convention on Thursday. She'll fly in and out on the same day. "I must really want John McCain elected," she says, "because I would not get on a plane like that for anyone else." Oh, the sacrifice! Thank God McCain has you. [NY Daily News]
• The apocalypse is nigh: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are opening a bar. In NEW YORK. To be called The Hill. [W]
• Save Katie! The anti-Scientology group Anonymous will be protesting at opening night of Katie Holmes' Broadway debut in All My Sons. "We aren’t looking to shut it down, we just want to prove a point," says a spokesperson. [MSNBC]
• Josh Hartnett and and unnamed female friend went into a little-used library at a SoHo hotel and started getting "hot and heavy." Since the hotel — and the library — are under security camera surveillance, the staff saw a little show on a monitor. No video link, sorry! [MSNBC]
• Michael Phelps shot a cameo for the new season of Entourage. "It was like being in New York City with one of the Beatles," Kevin "E" Connolly says. "People were stopping in the streets and climbing up things to see him. They were going nuts. He's like a superstar." [Yahoo News]
• Meanwhile, Michael Phelps is totally not talking about the ladies and doing his best to have some privacy: "I never said I have a girlfriend, and I never said I don't have a girlfriend," he says. [People]
• DNA evidence has linked an air conditioning repairman to the 2001 stabbing death of Ashley Ellerin, Ashton Kutcher's former girlfriend. [Yahoo News]
• Johnny Depp was on stage with his old band! One night only! He played guitar and sang backup! It was for charity. [Yahoo News]
• This was probably inevitable but still: Oy: Agyness Deyn is working on a Hollywood career. [Daily Mail]
• Not that you asked, but Britney has been working out "super hard" and is in "great shape." [Page Six]
• Angelina Jolie would like to work on a European film. "No one has asked me yet," she says. "When I can really speak it, maybe I'll try out for a French film in a few years." [Breitbart]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty: Moving in together? They looked at a $22 million mansion in Malibu and Sienna liked it. (At that price point, what's not to like?) [Perez Hilton]
• Maroon 5's Adam Levine: Seen hitting on newly single Anne Hathaway at the Vanity Fair DNC party. Uh-oh, isn't Adam on that herpes chart? [Fox News]
• James Gandolfini, 46, married his fiancée Deborah Lin, 40, in her hometown of Honolulu, Hawaii on Saturday. "They both wore long, green leis around their necks," says a source. "There were lots of white flowers on the tables and Gandolfini was beaming." [People]
• French actress Emmanuelle Beart and director Fabrice Du Welz are defending their latest movie, Vinyan, in which Beart stars as a mother who loses her son to the 2004 tsunami but refuses to believe he is dead. The character and her husband go looking for the kid in the jungle of the Thai-Myanmar border and stumble across a terrifying world ruled by savage children. It's a horror film, but the director says, "I tried to be as respectful as I can. I don't want to be unpleasant to people who have really suffered from the tsunami." [Yahoo News]
• John Mayer got really drunk and partied with a blonde cocktail waitress on the last night of his world tour. On stage, he mentioned reading The Secret and said "I had a conversation recently, and a lot of tears were exchanged." Jen Aniston, sniff, sniff. [People]
• This is just coming out now, but apparently Amy Winehouse overdosed twice last year: Once in July, from smoking hash for 36 hours; next in August from cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine and crystal meth. Now she might have brain damage or schizophrenia from the drugs. [The Sun]
• Another "Amy Winehouse may have brain damage" story. [Daily Mail]
• Headline of the day: "Could Scarlett Be The Next Spielberg?" Yes, Ms. Johansson wants to direct. [Daily Express]
• Mel Gibson has become "close to" a "glamorous Russian musician" on the set on his new movie but he says she's just a colleague and he remains happily married. [Daily Mail]
• The stage musical version of 9 To 5 features 19 new Dolly Parton songs. "She's so lovely and so humble," producer Robert Greenblatt says. "She says, 'I'm not sure I'll get you the whole way there, but I'd love to give it a try. If something doesn't work exactly, I'll rewrite it.'" [Variety]
• Colin Farrell saved this homeless guy's life by giving him cash and telling him: "You need to get your life together, man, promise me. And make sure you go see my new movie." [Toronto Sun]
• Jude Law is visiting Afghanistan to promote peace. Yeah, I dunno. [AP]
• Sign of the recession? Diddy had to give up his private jet. [The Star]
• Natalie Portman won a humanity award at the Venice Film Festival, where she made her directorial debut with a short film called Eve. [The Star]
• Duran Duran fan? Maybe you wanna read about how cocaine destroyed the band. Written by Andy Taylor! [Daily Mail]
• Sixty-two year old Cher has a 36 year old man and she hired a private jet to fly him and two of his buddies to Memphis to catch a Merle Haggard show, which is kind of awesome. [Page Six]
• Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze: Still on. [Page Six]
• Leanne Rimes, 26, has been married for seven years, and says she is ready for a baby. [People]
• "You are bugging the fuck out… No disrespect. …Alaska? I don't even know if there's any black people in Alaska. If you really think we're gonna let you win the election with these crazy decisions that you're making, you're bugging." —Diddy's thoughts about Sarah Palin in a video directed to John McCain. [Perez Hilton]
• Jerry O'Connell says pregnant wife Rebecca Romjin craves lemonade and soy cream cheese. "Can't be cream cheese. Soy cream cheese. Do you know how difficult it is to find soy cream cheese? It's usually in the corner of the supermarket someplace!" [People]
• "The easiest sex scene I have done was in Mulholland Drive because it was with another woman. There was no awkwardness. There was no sexual tension." — Naomi Watts. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "When it comes to fashion, I know about as much as Betty. I love to play dress-up and it’s fun, but I’m not interested in the fashion world. If I wasn’t an actress, I’d probably want to be a teacher." — America Ferrera. [Mirror]
• "I always knew I was never the prettiest or ugliest girl in the room. Life's too short to inject botulism into you face to get rid of a tiny line because you've laughed too much. I don't feel a need to lose weight, because I'm not 21. I'm happy with my package." — Ashley Jensen, aka Christina on Ugly Betty. [Daily Mail]
• "It's very strange to be here in London without Anthony Minghella, whom I loved very much, and very painful. I was so frightened in the first week of shooting The English Patient, I was trembling, but he was trying to find a way to win my trust, and he just said to me, 'Well, fly...' and I did and it changed my life." — Juliette Binoche. [Independent]
• "Victoria and I are very different. People bracket us together because we live in the same city and we’re both interested in fashion. Victoria’s fashion line has been very successful and, hopefully mine will be too. But that’s where the similarities begin and end." —Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. Not that you knew she had a fashion line. [Daily Mail]
• "The only thing I can cook really is mince meat, which is ironic because I'm a vegetarian. But I like calzone and lasagne. I cooked every day in Spain so David and the boys lived off minced meat for four years. I cook a Sunday dinner every single Sunday I'll have you know. My kids like Yorkshire pudding so I make that, I can make it from scratch and I make Dora the Explorer cakes for afters because the kids love them." — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Daily Mail]
• "I can't even think about having another baby right now. The boys take up so much of my time." — Victoria Beckham. [Mirror]
• "I don't care for [romantic comedies] where the guy is emasculated, tossed around by the woman, and lacking a point of view. It's a disservice to both the male and the female. I like to give my guys some balls" - Matthew McConaughey to Plenty magazine. [Page Six]
• "I kind of want to see how the audience responds first. I don't want to overstay my welcome." — Shannen Doherty, on whether she will stick with the new 90210. [LA Times]
• "I informed British Airways of my late arrival. I told them I was a kind of minor celebrity and I might get a bit of hassle at the airport. Turns out they are complete arseholes. Even when I fell over and badly creased my hat, I had no assistance. I was crying but I didn't want them to see. A cynic might say I missed the plane, an honest man might say I went to the airport a little late." —Pete Doherty. [Mirror]
• "I think manipulation is something that women do a lot, it's still our number one problem. You look at those characters [in The Duchess] — Georgiana and Bess — and they're hugely trying to outmanoeuvre each other, but I think it's also possible for intense love affairs to happen between women — not necessarily sexual, but things can obviously take a sexual turn. Women do get obsessed with other women — whether they love them or hate them, and I think that line is very easy to cross." — Keira Knightley [Guardian]

• Did John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston break up? Sources say she's been dumped. Gah! An unnamed, possibly non-trustworthy, totally random source says: "John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn't ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved. Contrary to reports, Jen didn't want to have kids or marry this year, but she did want to set a timetable for their future together." Is it a good or a bad thing? And how long will we have to hear the "desperate single" gossip about Jen? [Mirror]
• Britney and her sons are wearing white on the cover of OK!. And she, uh, doesn't want Jayden and Preston to have careers in showbiz. "But but I’d love them unconditionally if they wanted to. I’d just as soon they have a more normal childhood," she says. Is it "normal" to be on the cover of a trashy tabloid with your weave-wearing mom? (More in Midweek Madness!) [MSNBC]
• Britney went to a party! And her dad went with her! And she didn't drink! And people say she looked good! [E!]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie are "on the very cusp" of adopting a little girl from Malawi. Her name is Mercy and Madonna "fell in love" with her at an orphanage last year. [The Sun]

• Meanwhile, Guy Ritchie has been doing ju-jitsu with Jason Statham. "I've been fighting Guy in his garage in L.A.," Jason says. "We're killing each other. That's another of my passions, strangling friends." Why does he make it sound so hot? [Mirror]
• Lily Allen is back with ex-boyfriend Ed Simons but by the time you read this they may be broken up again. [The Sun]
• Rhys Ifans is back with Kim Stewart but by the time you read this they may be broken up again. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse is finally settling down to work on an album, which she hopes to finish by the time Blake Incarcerated gets out. We'll believe it when he hear it. [The Sun]
• Oh, dear. In a survey of 3,500 Britons, the number one celebrity people had nightmares about was Amy Winehouse. [The Star]
• Officials have released the news that the cause of death for Isaac Hayes was a stroke. The saddest sentence ever: "Family members found Hayes lying on the floor of his home beside a treadmill that was still switched on." [Yahoo News]
• Natalie Portman's directorial debut, Eve, is a 17-minute film described as "a civilized comedy." Opening at the Venice Film Festival, it stars Lauren Bacall and Ben Gazzara. Wanna see! [Yahoo News]
• Oh lord. Here we go again. George Clooney says: "I have never texted or emailed Senator Obama. And I'll offer a million dollars to anyone who could prove otherwise. In fact, I've only talked to the Senator once in the last year and a half… on the phone." WTF. This is the same thing that happened with Scarlett Johannson. We just heard that George was giving Barack tips on policy! Does this mean that the Daily Mail lied? Are we not to believe everything we read? [Yahoo News]
• Nicole Kidman brought her one month old daughter to her movie set. Working mom! [Star]
• Blake Lively's nose job seems to have occurred sometime in 2006. Plus, she says: "I've kissed just three people in my life, other than stuff that I've done for TV or movies. I know — I'm weird!" [LA Times]
• Chris Martin joked about dating other women on Japanese TV, saying, "Thankfully, my wife is over 1,000 miles away." [Mirror]
• Is Tom Cruise's career in the shitter? [Page Six]
• Julianne Moore is a stone cold fox in shots for Wonderland magazine. She talks about always being nekkid in flicks: "People ask all the time if sex scenes and nudity are hard. What’s hard? Not the lines or the physicality, but the emotion." [Daily Mail]
• Does Ryan Adams want Mandy Moore back? [Gawker]
• The fantastic Ellen Burstyn is coming to Law & Order SVU as Stabler's mom! [EW.com]
• Adrian Grenier and Isabel Lucas (aka Shia LaBeouf's car crash costar): Dunzo. [Yahoo News]
• Tori Spelling won't be on 90210 after all. Jennie Garth=sad. "I'm really bummed because I love Tori and I was psyched Tori was going to be on the show. I think she should definitely get paid as much as either of us is getting paid. Her father created the show. It just seems wrong if that’s the case. I don’t know what really happened… I don’t know if it’s about the money." [EW.com]
• Mark Consuelos will perform the ceremony in the marriage of Howard Stern to Beth Ostrosky. Uh… [Fox News]
• Dane Cook is not alone in hating the poster for his own movie. It's dumb and ugly. And a Photoshop of Horrors. [People]
• A Kylie and Dannii Minogue duet of an ABBA song is the campiest thing I can think of without picturing Liberace. [The Sun]
• Shania Twain is "progressing" and "working hard" to get over her split from her husband of 14 years. Breakup advice, anyone? [People]
• Janet Jackson's set list for her upcoming tour: Yes, "Nasty" is included. [Perez Hilton]
• "It was fantastic to do that album. Not only live with that music that I love everyday, but I just worked with such wonderful musicians who are so talented. I would love to do another album. Right now, though, I'd like to focus on developing something to direct." — Scarlett Johansson. [Perez Hilton]
• Jay-Z may use is 40/40 club to take over Las Vegas. [Page Six]
• Adam West, aka Batman, might be on Dancing With The Stars. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton is being sued for not doing enough publicity for a sorority film she was in, National Lampoon's Pledge This! Maybe she was doing them a favor? [AP]
• Now that he's a dad, Clay Aiken is returning to Spamalot, so he can make cash for his baby. The kid's name is Parker Foster Aiken. Unrelated: The pic of Clay makes me shudder. [USA Today]
• Bernie Brillstein, a Hollywood manager and producer, died last week. At a tribute Monday night, Jennifer Aniston, Rob Loew and Kermit The Frog attended. [E!]
• "I hate blogs but I love mine. Cause I can be F-in REAL with people!!!! I wanna make a difference in a good way even if that means speaking my mind. people might take offense to it but whatev. First of all lets address my 'voting" comment- first of all opinions are like (you know whats)-everyone has one. I decided to make a very blunt comment. Notice how i said "I know IIIIII couldn't do it cause I'd be pms-ing and freaking out all the time" ....Honestly I'd LOVE to meet a woman with NO emotional problems....but thats not the point...but its true. LOL Second- Only 54 percent of eligible american voters cast their ballots!!!!!! Half of them are only voting cause its "cool " to vote for so and so...they aren't even up to date on information. I'M personally not up to date on the facts, so I don't wanna make a stupid choice for our country. I WANT to vote but only when I know exactly whats going on. More ppl should think like that. Paris Hilton said "yaaaay go vote cause its cool and hott!!!!" ...SHE WASN'T EVEN REGISTERED. seriously." — Brooke Hogan. [ONTD]

I hated that character from the second she flounced on the screen. I remember distinctly Portman telling Zach Braff's character that she was "weird" and then doing a silly little dance to illustrate her "weirdness." Honestly? Anyone who telegraphs their so-called weirdness so outlandishly is not actually weird, they're merely quirky enough to be vaguely interesting without having their own thing going on. They're completely mainstream but have one really big tattoo, or occasionally sing really loud in the shower! "Oh, Natalie," the A.V. Club writes, "your unconventional ways are so inspiring, and your beauty is surprisingly non-threatening!"

As the A.V. Club deftly notes, "Like the Magical Negro, the Manic Pixie Dream Girl archetype is largely defined by secondary status and lack of an inner life. She's on hand to lift a gloomy male protagonist out of the doldrums, not to pursue her own happiness." Since they've defined it so succinctly, I've realized that many recent films employ the MPDG stock character — Forgetting Sarah Marshall, for instance, where Mila Kunis's character is a free spirited nymph deposited on the shores of Hawaii in order to encourage Jason Segel to write the vampire rock puppet musical he's been fantasizing about for years. But what of the dude? You know, the brooding artsy loser in need of a MPDG to revive his creative and sexual juices? The ones who use MPDG's to stroke their fragile egos and project their muse-fantasies on? What should we call him? I think he deserves a name because these movies, and the notion of the MPDG, are really about him: his needs, his desires, his artistic endeavors.

Wimpster, while appropriate, lacks the specificity of MPDG and also is so four years ago. Maybe the new bromantics, because that term emphasizes their dudeliness but also their childish notions of romantic attachment? In any event, these self-absorbed whiners are to be avoided in real life, though, like (adorable!) Jason Segal in FSM, new bromantics can be charming in film.

Wild Things: 16 Films Featuring Manic Pixie Dream Girls [AV Club]
Soapbox [The Petite Sophisticate]
Meet The Wimpster [The Black Table]

[New York, July 15. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Los Angeles, June 25. Image via Flynet]

[Jaffa, Israel; May 28. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

The Good
I love Joely Richardson in this Beetlejuice-esque number.


This is supposedly Julia Restoin-Roitfeld but she looks different here, right? Whoever it is, she looks stunning.



If I had gams like Lily Donaldson, I'd sleep in this dress.


Dear Madonna, I dare you to be my BFF and give me all your hand-me-downs. (Truth: she wouldn't give me the time of day.)



Mary J. Blige can do no wrong and if you disagree with me, I will cut you.



Margharita Missoni has a great name, a great fortune, and a great dress.



Natalia gets my vote for best dress. She looks like the Chrysler building. That's a good thing!


Petra looks flawless. She was smart not to wear a necklace and direct all eye-contact to her boobs. Thank you pretty lady.


And last but not least, enter my new obsession: this couple. Sam Riley played Ian Curtis in that movie Control (which gave me like, 69 orgasms), and his girlfriend Alexandra Maria Lara was in the movie as well.




The Bad
Amira Casar, aka Frumpy Cold Medina.


Natalie Portman? More like Gnar Gnar Binks.


I love me a Juliette Lewis, but she's working a Miss Hannigan look here. I also love me a Miss Hannigan but that's beside the point.


Cecile Cassel . The hipster headband is soooo yesterday.


Natasha Poly is wearing a dress that's giving me an MC Escher vibe


Zhang Ziyi, step it up for crying out loud! "This isn't a dinner party, honey." (Name that movie)




The Ugly
Rose McGowan is wearing all the Mood leftovers that the Project Runway contestants ended up not using.


Tamara Beckwith looks like every girl who tried to beat me up in high school. In other words, she looks like an asshole from Long Island.


What happens in Vegas is incidentally what also happens to Sharon Stone when she dresses like a cougar.


Samantha Morton. Don't get me wrong, I love a good garbage bag; they're useful and what not! I just wouldn't attach sheer sleeves to mine and wear it a fancy party is all.


Orange you glad I couldn't think of anything better to write for Judith Godreche's big ugly dress?


I find it hard to believe that Milla Jovovitch thinks she looks good in this truly mediocre outfit. Plus, only 7 year olds and most of my friends can get away with wearing their hair like that.


Is it just me, or don't you think it's a little weird how Denise Rich tried this on and was like "This is it! Look out amFAR's here I come!"

[Images via Getty]

The Good
I like these two. Let's pretend they're best friends and they talked about their outfits on the phone before they left the house. I'm not 100% crazy about Franke Potente's dress but she's so pretty in it, and Catalina Sandino's violet feather duster is pretty spesh.
I never met a Natalie Portman I didn't like.
There's nothing wrong with Julie Ormand in this emerald delight.
My favorite pick of the night goes to Melanie Laurent, who looks so chic and original. You can only see one foot in this photo though, which keeps bothering me.
Sonia Rolland is having so much fun in this dress, as she should be.
Zoe Felix's gown is my second favorite of the evening, simple but so fucking sexy.
Pretty yellow dress, unfortunate name. Vahina? Does it rhyme with Vagina?


The Bad
Aissa Maiga: Maybe for the premiere of Hairspray?
Cha-Ling Lin is a really fun name to say; I could repeat it all day. Unfortunately I can only look at this dress for a total of 2.9 seconds.
Eva Herzigova does Frederick's of Hollywood.
This dress on Michelle Yeoh reminds me of my old Lisa Frank stationary.
I'm actually on the fence with this one. Doesn't it look too Vanna White?


The Ugly
I don't know who Laurence Ferrari is, but I highly doubt she's an ex-figure skater from 1989.

[Images via Getty, AP]

[Cannes, May 21. Images via Bauer-Griffin]

The Good:

Regal Cate Blanchett wears filmy ruffles with aplomb.

Aaaah! I love Bar Refaeli's dress. Fitted yet flowy, simple yet detailed. Check out the back:

Gorgeous.

Elsa Zylberstein shines in sunny yellow.

Love the color and the ruffles on Natalie Portman's little purple dress.

I hate it when I like something about Eva Longoria. But vivid Mediterranean blue on the red carpet is exactly right for the French Riviera. Ooh, Aishwarya Rai looks good too, even if her skirt is a wee wrinkly.

Lord, I love me some Faye Dunaway. Soft and glowing in rosy pink.

The Bad:

Hair pulled too tight and dress that looks too stiff make Devon Aoki resemble a mermaid out of water. With a scale disease.

Andrea Osvart's dress isn't exactly bad, but on the Cannes red carpet you're supposed to turn it up a notch.

It's hard to explain why Mischa Barton's gown doesn't feel right: Too heavy, too detailed, too dark? Not well-fitting enough?

Afef Jnifen is some kind of foxy model/actress. Love her hair, hate her dress. Huge sleeve or huge skirt. Not both.

Wow, Gillian Anderson! It's been so long! Great to see her. It would be even better to see her in a more flattering dress.

The Ugly:

Eleonara Abbagnata's dress appears to made of seaweed.

Julianne Moore is beautiful. And I appreciate a gown that takes risks, that dares to be different. I like when design is quirky and clever. But parrot feathers and fabric flowers and a detailed waist and sheer under sheer? Bad. In my opinion. I mean look!

A beautiful woman in an ugly dress.

[Images via Getty and Bauer-Griffin.]

[Cannes, May 14. Image via Splash.]

[New York, May 6. Image via Flynet]

[New York, April 29. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

[New York, April 25. Image via INFDaily.com.]

[New York, April 22. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[New York, April 17. Image via INFdaily.com.]

•Natalie Portman, Wuthering Heights: Portman is slated to play Catherine Earnshaw, the female lead, in this new adaptation of Emily Bronte's novel. Catherine is in love with her adopted brother, Heathcliff, but marries a more suitable man and is then driven to madness over her decision. Verdict: Catherine is a variation of a hooker, marrying for stability and then being punished for it.

•Elsa Pataky, Giallo: Spanish actress Pataky (who is perhaps better known to American audiences as Adrien Brody's girlfriend) is set to play Celine, the kidnapped sister of an American flight attendant. Verdict: Beautiful kidnapped woman? Victim, duh.

•Marcia Gay Harden, The Tower: In this new CBS drama, Harden will star as a millionaire who buys a newspaper where the journalists not only break stories but also solve mysteries! Verdict: The plot might sound a bit boring, but Harden's character might come out OK, for the time being.

•Paz Vega, Triage: Vega, from Talk to Her and Spanglish, will play the girlfriend of a a colleague of Mark (Colin Farrel), a photojournalist, who investigates the mysterious disappearance of her boyfriend. Verdict: While the details are skimpy, the tragic girlfriend character just screams "Victim."

Two Female Leads [XKCD]
Portman Set For 'Wuthering Heights'[Variety]
Adrien Brody To Topline 'Giallo'[THR]
Harden, Logue Pick Pilot Projects[Variety]
Colin Farrell Makes Three For 'Triage' [THR]

[Image via Oh! My God! I Miss You]

[New York, April 8. Image via Flynet]

[New York, April 7. Image via Splash]

[LAX, March 24. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Halle Berry gave birth to a baby girl on Sunday morning in L.A. An insider says Halle first arrived at the hospital early Saturday with contractions and "skyrocketing" blood pressure, but stabilized, went home and came back later Saturday night. The baby was born at 10:17 am yesterday. Congrats! [Star Magazine]
  
• Baby and mama are "doing great!" [US Magazine]
  
• George Clooney is going to be Nicole Kidman's baby's godfather. Damn. Raise your hand if you're jealous of an unborn kid. [Mirror]
  
• Nicole Richie hates her post-pregnancy boobs. "I am bustier now and I really don't like it. It doesn't really fit with my wardrobe, it's not who I am. I am not someone who is used to wearing a bra or having to wear a bra, I really don't like it. I like wearing vintage hippy see-through shirts that aren't slutty on me because there is nothing to look at." [The Sun]
  
• Mel Gibson and Britney Spears: New BFFs. WTF. [TMZ]

• Oh, a source says Mel and Brit had dinner together to talk about sobriety. Sure. [E!]
• Sam Lutfi's restraining order regarding Britney has been extended for another 30 days, thank Zeus. [TMZ]
• Is Britney's father opening a restaurant with Kevin Federline??? [Mirror]
• Brit's kids came to visit; she let her dad push the stroller. [The Sun]
• The hospital where Britney stayed for psychiatric evaluation has suspended some employees and may fire others for looking at Brit's medical records. [Reuters]
• Lindsay Lohan admits that her pre-rehab lifestyle was effed up: "I was putting myself in the wrong situations and I didn't have the focus in the right place." [People]
• Lindsay recently had a meeting with rapper Fat Joe. Reeemiiiix! [E!]
• Paris Hilton is going on tour with Benji Madden and his band, Good Charlotte, in South Africa, yawn. [People]
• A Hasidic Jew dropped out of the role of Natalie Portman's husband in her new movie because of pressure from his community. Oy. [UPI]
• Keith Richards likes Amy Winehouse's music but says,"That girl isn't going to be around long unless she sorts herself out pretty quick. Amy's got to get smart." [Daily Mail]
• Sarah Jessica Parker on the Sex And The City movie: "A handful of people have seen it and have been very surprised by the seriousness. There's something that happens in this movie and it's really about realizing your own complicity and disappointment. You know the necessity of friends, but at a certain point, as a grown-up person, you have to take care of yourself." [LA Times]
• Did "oil heir" Brandon Davis steal a $100,000 watch from producer Scott Storch? [Page Six]
• Eminem is working on the return of Slim Shady: He's back in the studio and working out with a trainer. [Page Six]
• Dear Page Six, Lisa D'Amato did not win Cycle Five of ANTM; she did pee herself on a photo shoot, though. [Page Six]
• Blind items! "Which married foreign head of state makes Bill Clinton look like a Boy Scout? When women are granted audiences with the man, they find him at his desk with his fly open or, sometimes, with his pants already down... Which "socialite" dropped from a size 14 to a size 0 with the help of a new dangerous habit? She and some of her friends are dabbling in the appetite suppressant heroin." [Page Six]
• Blind item: "Which new mama likes to sneak vodka into her water glass even though she's still breastfeeding?" [ONTD]
• Diane Sawyer did a special on prostitution which never aired; thanks to Spitzer & Dupre, it'll be on ABC this Friday. Dreams really do come true. [Rush & Molloy]
• Actor Daniel Radcliffe smokes like 20 cigarettes a day. Harry Potter & The Phlegmy Cough. [ONTD]
• Start hitting your high notes: Mariah Carey will be a guest judge on American Idol this week. [ONTD]
• CSI: Miami's David Caruso: A dick on the set. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss has been banned from joining boyfriend Jamie Hince on stage when his band, The Kills, tours. She'll have to be happy with "groupie" status. [Mirror]
• Is Madonna's marriage "hanging by a thread"? How many times have you heard that before? [The Sun]
• But apparently Madonna and Guy Ritchie will announce a split in 18 months. Mark your calendar! [ONTD]
• Madonna's new song will be released via a SunSilk shampoo commercial. Rinse and repeat. [The.Life Files]
• Dawn Wells, aka Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island, was supposed to speak to the Girl Scouts of America; they canceled after she was charged with marijuana possession. But she could warm the girls of the dangers of DUI! [UPI]
• Sadie Frost has split with Towers of London bassist Kristian Marr. Did you know they were dating? [Sunday Mirror]
• Paul McCartney may learn how much cash he has to give Heather Mills in their divorce settlement today, but will we? These things are private, as dictated by British law. But the judge can release some or all details after the couple has heard the decision. [CNN]
• Yee-haw! Carrie Underwood is joining the Grand Ole Opry. [Yahoo News]
• The drummer from ABBA was found dead in Spain. [Yahoo News]
• Is the Church of Scientology planning to use Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith to lure black people into its clutches? [MSNBC]
• Minnie Driver doesn't know what to name her baby. "Driver is kind of a hard name to put with a first name, particularly boys' names. My friend sent me an email saying I should call the baby Duncan Driver. Then I can call it Dunk Driver, Pile Driver, Rally Driver." [The Sun]
• Michael Stipe: Totes le gay. [Rush & Molloy]

[New York, March 12. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Or maybe because she is not that intellectually curious and therefore lacks opinions that might lead her into something more meaningful!

Portman seemed to know enough about her subject — but no more than enough. I asked if she had the time to read books on economic development. Portman giggled and said, "I have time; I just don't want to."

That's not hard to fathom; Portman is a 26-year-old movie star. Still, she thinks of her discovery of poverty, and of this particular solution to it, as a pivot point in her life. She has stopped doing commercials. "I want to be comfortable and proud of everything I do," Portman says. She has designed a line of vegan shoes. She doesn't want to be controversial, but she does want to be taken seriously.

The Celebrity Solution [NYT Magazine]

Slate:

...Feminist subtext aside, the movie is primarily an excuse for ogling some blue-chip actor-flesh. Portman's heart-shaped face, Johansson's cushiony lips, Bana's furry sternum are all handsomely framed in high definition [...] For a movie whose story hinges almost entirely on sex, [it] is disappointingly demure, with elliptical talk of "improper intimacies" and love scenes that cut away after the first kiss. In order to keep Henry's attention in bed, Anne confesses to her sister at one point, "I have to resort to ever more degrading ..." Ever more degrading what? In an attempt to preserve its PG-13 rating and, presumably, its preteen-girl audience, the movie muffles its own raciest moments.

At times it strains to be a stately period drama about 16th-century political intrigue. Then it devolves into soap opera muck and emerges as a rather tame bodice ripper. It's not that a good production can't be both a thrilling tale of historical intrigue and sensual adventures, but this film doesn't convince in either category.

The Other Boleyn Girl might, for instance, have gone the route of Showtime's The Tudors, upping the ante on the sex and subterfuges and taking delight in its own perversity. But, despite an occasional feint in this direction, the film never really does this either. For a film about lust, it's oddly chaste: Neither Mary's couplings with Henry (gauzy, soft-focus affairs conducted to murmuring strings) nor Anne's (a quasi-rape) could properly be called "sexy." And the film's tidy moralism might have been borrowed from an after school special in which the Good Girl and the Bad Girl vie for the love of a Popular Boy—only with more miscarriages.

King Henry has been lightened up considerably from the womanizing lout of the book, but he's still a cheerless presence, and there isn't much that Mr. Bana can do about it, apart from making him handsome.

Then again, I usually can't help groaning when I see Eric Bana: Even though we're all used to a fat Henry VIII, I could probably forgive Bana for his ripped torso (which is, incidentally, briefly on display here). What I can't forgive is his recurring dullness (I always want to add an "l" at the end of the name). Bana plays Henry as an arrogant stallion — he's less like a king than like the entitled young bozos on Wall Street who feel it's their duty to look a woman up and down appraisingly when she walks into a room. I like the idea of a sexy, seductive Henry VIII, but Bana is just a cutout pinup. (Philip Seymour Hoffman could have been 100 times sexier playing this role in his bathrobe.)

It's a marvel that something that feels so inert should have so much frenetic action. Shot in high-definition video with a murky brown palette (perhaps to suggest tea-stained porcelain and teeth), the film is both underwritten and overedited. Many of the scenes seem to have been whittled down to the nub, which at times turns it into a succession of wordless gestures and poses. Given the generally risible dialogue, this isn't a bad thing, despite Mr. Morgan's previous credits (notably The Queen). Ms. Portman's eyes, Mr. Bana's hands and Ms. Johansson's chin all receive vigorous workouts.