I'll admit it: I was never sold on Anne Hathaway as a woman of style, but her pure glam Armani Prive, at this year's Oscars, made me a believer. And how.


There was a lot of Glinda this year. Rose Byrne's Valentino Emmy iteration was among the best - "fairy princess" as a compliment, for a change.


More pure pretty? Olivia Wilde's Reem Acra confection at January 10th's Golden Globes.


People were sharply divided over Rihanna's November 23rd AMA frock - I thought it was a triumph for both the singer and Marchesa, both sweet and spiky.


I couldn't choose a favorite betwixt Natalie Portman's triumphant Rodarte, at the Oscars...


...or her more casual November 24th Vena Cava at the New York City Ballet. So I added both!


There was no arguing with Penelope Cruz's vintage Balmain, worthy of her Oscar win.


More stunning vintage? Thandie Newton, at the Baftas on February 7th.


In the sea of bugle beads that was 2009, Liv Tyler's May 4th Met Costume Institute Ball Stella McCartney stood out as classic, sexy, and fun.


Gabourey Sidibe had a number of amazing looks this year, but I particularly loved this vivid empire-waisted gown, at September's Toronto Film Festival.


Another example of a trend done perfectly: Leslie Mann's absurdly slinky screwball bombshell (by Pamella Roland) at the Oscars.


I loved Ashley Olsen's minimalist chic at the 5/4 Costume Institute Ball. A grown-up take on quirk! (By The Row.)


In the same school, Amber Valletta earns a place on this list for the second year in a row for her simple column at November 12th's NARS 15x15 launch.


And speaking of quirky elegance, how could I not mention Tilda Swinton, looking typically chic and idiosyncratic at Cannes, May 17th.


If I had to name a favorite? Probably Chloe Sevigny's Isaac Mizrahi Resort at the 2009 Emmys. As pretty as anything we saw but, on her, also totally fresh and pitch-perfect.


[Images via

In the cover story, Portman addresses the recent tabloid stories that claim she made out with Penn behind a curtain at a party in L.A.:

He's obviously someone I'm friends with," she says. "I mean, not 'hey, wassup?' friends, but we were all on the [Cannes 2008] jury together — Alfonso [Cuaron] and Marjane [Satrapi] — and we had a really great time, and then ... It was one of those things where you're like 'Oh my God! I'm that person who's caught in this shitty rumor brigade.' You can't win. You don't say anything and everyone's like, 'It's true.' You say something and you're keeping the story alive. It's bad, bad news."

That sounds like a no, but who knows what secrets are hidden in those ellipses?

The rest of the profile emphasizes that Portman's a "good girl": she didn't go to high school parties, got drunk for the first time in college, and only tried pot when she was in her 20s. Those looking for something scandalous will have to settle for her comments on how she avoided becoming some director's muse even while working with Woody Allen, which could be interpreted as a dig at Scarlett Johansson:

"I have a problem with muse-ship," Portman says, curving into herself as if a little embarrassed. "I feel like througout history, it's been men vampiring on women's specialness. And why do that for someone?" Then she laughs, before adding: "Maybe it's fear of intimacy or something."

She's nobody's muse, but she is willing to dress up as Peter Pan if you ask nicely. (Fig. 1)

Elsewhere in the issue, Marie Claire "explores the darker side of having an affair with the guy in the corner office." The writer (who is married to her former boss) points out that several famous couples, including Barack and Michelle Obama, started out in office romances. There are several titillating (read: corny) stories about workplace hookups, like the lawyer dating her boss who would "slip into his office, sit on his lap, unbutton her shirt, and put his face between her breasts." However, the biggest consequences the women in the article face are being taken less seriously and choosing to find a new job when their office relationship got uncomfortable. None of the women experience the real "dark side," which ranges from getting fired by your ex-lover to causing a Lewinsky-esque national scandal.

Click to enlarge.

Fig. 1

[New York, December 10. Image via INF]

[New York, December 7. Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

The film, opening today, is very similar to writer and director Susan Bier's 2004 film Brodre, but critics say that in its American adaptation screenwriter David Benioff (who wrote 25th Hour... and X-Men Origins: Wolverine) and director Jim Sheridan (In the Name of the Father, In America), fail to capture the psychological intensity of the original. Both films focus on what happens to a soldier's family when they are mistakenly told he died in combat. (Sadly, the war in Afghanistan has gone on for so long that five years later, the new version didn't even have to change the war the main character is fighting in.)

In Brothers, Sam Cahill (Tobey Maguire), a Captain in the Marines, returns to Afghanistan for his fourth tour of duty and is presumed dead when his Black Hawk helicopter is shot down. While Sam got good grades in high school, married Grace (Natalie Portman), his cheerleader girlfriend after high school, and had two adorable daughters (Bailee Madison and Taylor Geare), his brother Tommy (Jake Gyllenhaal) has always been the black sheep of the family. When the film begins, Tommy has just been released from a three year prison sentence for armed bank robbery; his Vietnam vet father Hank (Sam Shepard) makes it clear that he wishes Tommy could be more like his older brother and, when the family gets the news that Sam is dead, Tommy tries to become a better man and take care of his brother's family. His acts of kindness, unfortunately, backfire: Sam's a different man when he returns from being tortured by the Taliban, and he begins to suspect that Grace and Tommy had an affair while he was gone.

The reviews for the film are mixed. While one critic calls it "the most successful remake of a foreign film since Martin Scorsese reworked Infernal Affairs into The Departed," others say the story takes too long to set up and never really comes together. Natalie Portman manages to create a nuanced character, even though her role as the stereotypical grieving wife is underwritten. Like many recent films about Iraq and Afghanistan, the movie doesn't take a political stance on armed conflict, hoping to simply focus on the impact that war has on soldiers and their families. Brothers however, may not be complex or compelling enough to accomplish that task. Below, the reviews:

Reel Views

Brothersis arguably the most successful remake of a foreign film since Martin Scorsese reworked Infernal Affairs into The Departed and won the Oscar. By remaining rigorously faithful to Susanne Bier's 2004 Danish feature, Brodre, screenwriter David Benioff and director Jim Sheridan manage to retain the themes and psychological nuances of the original while opening it up to a wider English-speaking audience. Subtle differences in the way the actors interpret the characters and small omissions, additions, and changes allow Brothersto stand on its own. This is a powerful, disturbing film that explores common cinematic territory - the ability of war to destroy the individual - without seeming clichéd or familiar.

Reel Views

Brothershas no political axe to grind and, unlike many films that have used the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq as a backdrop, it has no agenda to pursue beyond the basic one of depicting the dehumanizing consequences of conflict (any conflict, not just today's). The film is antiwar in a general sense, not because it disagrees with the underlying reasons for the war but because it sees a human toll that often goes unreported and unnoticed. News reports would see Sam's story as miraculous - a brave hero originally thought dead being recovered and returned to the bosom of his loving wife and daughters. The reality is grim. Sam's psyche has been shredded; nowhere is this more profoundly obvious than when he finds himself unable to reconnect with Isabelle and Maggie and haunted by a belief that Grace and Tommy are having an affair. He is a broken, dangerous man - the kind of person who has been shaped into a weapon but no longer has a clear focus. By rising above politics and simplistic notions about whether the current war is "right" or "wrong," Brothersis able to offer honest, compelling drama. The film is not unremittingly bleak; in fact, impulses of love and caring define all of the characters in one way or another. The situation is heartbreaking but Sheridan does not flinch in depicting the events that break and remake Sam from the loving man he was into the cold shell who returns. The film ends not mired in bleakness but on a well-earned note of hope.

The New York Times

Reviewing Ms. Bier's Brothers in this newspaper, Stephen Holden referred to the ideas of the psychoanalyst R. D. Laing, who studied shifting roles and identities within family systems. The difference between that film and the remake may be that while Ms. Bier's movie evokes psychological theories, Mr. Sheridan's seems to be applying them... Mr. Gyllenhaal and Ms. Portman, whose role is frustratingly if unsurprisingly underwritten, draw nuances out of the charged air between them. But the characters in Brothers are more shadows and ideas than flesh and blood. They lack specific gravity, a sense of rootedness in family and social reality that would give ballast to the film's intense emotions.

New York Magazine

At times, Brothersis like a less-mythical (and -pretentious) The Deer Hunter, with Maguire even managing to suggest something of Robert De Niro when he was young and thin and wired-when you could see his every cell react. As to the other two leads, Sheridan has gotten the best performances of their young lives. As much as I like Gyllenhaal, I've often found him fuzzy, as if he's wary of losing control. Is that why he's so affecting here? The dissolute Tommy turns out to be as tightly wound as his older brother, only too scared to focus. He looks pitifully vulnerable as he the supposedly dead Sam's family and becomes protective. Portman has the kind of role that turns actresses into dullards: the wife who stands and looks stricken at her man (or men) in paroxysms of rage and grief. But she's so grounded that as the others carry on, your eyes keep drifting to her. Yes, she's almost unbearably pretty, but it's her immediacy that keeps you glued to her face.

The Chicago Sun-Times

Sheridan and his screenplay sources make Brothers much more than a drama about war and marriage. It is about what we can forgive ourselves for - and that, too, has been a theme running through Sheridan's films. As an Irish Catholic of 60, he was raised to feel a great deal about guilt. This becomes Tobey Maguire's film to dominate, and I've never seen these dark depths in him before. Actors possess a great gift to surprise us, if they find the right material in their hands.

USA Today

Maguire reveals a coiled ferocity and a convincingly unhinged, haunted quality. It's a little tougher to buy Gyllenhaal's sweet-natured Tommy as an armed robber. His transformation into a responsible good guy happens swiftly. Still, the two actors bear a resemblance, and their chemistry is evident. Portman is subdued and reactive in a part that doesn't call for her to do much else.

Salon

Of the three leads, Gyllenhaal gives the finest performance. He's jittery and charismatic — his eyes shift uncomfortably, as if he were constantly looking for escape... When [Sam] Shepard and Gyllenhaal appear in a scene together, the air around them is charged — it's as if the searching, vulnerable quality in Tommy's eyes registers as a taunt in the manly-man world of his father. The chemistry is a lot less charged, unfortunately, between Gyllenhaal and Portman... She holds back too much here, as if she has more invested in playing a dutiful wife and mother than she does in playing a human, sexual being. That may not be wholly her fault. My biggest reservation about Brothers is the way it downplays, and too readily smooths over, the sexual attraction between Tommy and Grace. I'm not suggesting that this Hollywood version of Brothers needs graphic sex. (The original didn't have that, either.) But I worry that Sheridan, intentionally or otherwise, may have muted the characters' attraction to one another out of fear that American audiences expect more virtuous behavior from their war-torn families.

The Hollywood Reporter

In a parallel story, the film shows the appalling experiences of Sam and a fellow soldier (Patrick Flueger), who survived the crash but fell into the hands of the Taliban. Unfortunately, this is the weakest section of the film. Bier depicted the real horror in Sam's mental and physical challenges as well as his subtle relationship with his fellow soldier, so you believe the officer would snap and commit a soul-killing act in order to survive. This event is never convincing in the remake.

Variety

Portman has rarely been more movingly subdued as a wife and mother who refuses to let grief overpower her sense of responsibility, while Gyllenhaal is effortlessly believable as a drifter who finds, to his delight and ours, that fatherhood suits him well. Sheridan's empathetic touch with tyke actresses, so evident in 2003's In America, pays off beautifully in his work with young Madison, who's heartbreaking as the older and wiser of the two Cahill girls. With his crew cut and stiff posture (in contrast to Gyllenhaal's looser stance), Maguire is downright scary as a guy who seems to be headed the way of Pvt. Pyle in Full Metal Jacket. But he still looks a tad boyish for the part (Ulrich Thomsen was in his 40s when he played the role for Bier), and his decision to go explosively over-the-top at moments only exposes Sam as a psychological construct — more walking antiwar statement than full-blooded human being.

Time Out New York

So much of the preceding is goo-laden with mopey guitars and adorable kid shots, Jim Sheridan's dual faults as a director. Still, shouldn't we expect fireworks when an emaciated, paranoid Sam confronts the family he can no longer connect to? There's an unwillingness to deliver the payoff; Brothers feels less like the Oscar-bait cinema we expect this time of year as much as an ersatz version that requires you to fill in the gaps. (The nearness of the recent The Messenger doesn't help.) We're supposed to creep up to the idea that war can steal more from a person than life and limb. That can't be conveyed in a few simple scenes of kitchen histrionics. Sheridan brings on U2's chords of healing way too soon.

The A.V. Club

With all these elements in place - brother against brother, intimations of adultery, and post-traumatic stress disorder at the top, not to mention alcoholism, crushing guilt, a cruel father, and assorted other crises - Brothersseems like a powder keg ready to go off. And though someone clearly lit the fuse on the normally mild-mannered Maguire, the film takes a leisurely hour to get to its dramatic core, with scenes from Afghanistan on loan from The Deer Hunter. Still, the intrinsically powerful material occasionally pierces through, with Gyllenhaal especially strong as a reformed yahoo who suddenly takes on more responsibility than he seems capable of handling. Brotherssupplies him and the other actors with a slew of big dramatic moments, but the emotions ring louder than any truths.

The New York Post

Having seen the trailer for Brothers and now the finished film, I feel as though I just watched the trailer twice. A thin script written by David Benioff and directed by Jim Sheridan (who based his film on a Danish one) is merely a promising first draft, a vague drama that is sort of a soapy love triangle ("I thought you were dead!" etc.) and sort of an inquiry into the post-battle trauma afflicting a Marine captain burdened by a gruesome secret about his captivity in Afghanistan... The movie is reasonably compelling and decently acted, but at no point is it convincing. It skips past essential plot points (why would the military report the Marine dead instead of MIA if his body was never found?), as well as deeper emotional quandaries.

The Washington Post

Is it a movie you'll enjoy? Not enjoy, so much as appreciate. Or maybe recognize. Adapted by writer David Benioff and director Jim Sheridan from a 2004 Danish film of the same name, Brothers is depressing as hell. And, like most war movies these days, it ends on a note that's far from hopeful. But it's good, and wise, and it feels true. Meaning, it hurts... Though the term post-traumatic stress disorder is never mentioned, the film is one harrowing case study in PTSD, with a long, lingering emphasis on the P. As Sam notes, in voice-over, at the film's bleak and wrenching conclusion, "only the dead have seen the end of war."

• Taylor Swift received eight Grammy nominations. "I started freaking out and jumping up and down," she claims. On winning one, she says:

"The thought of that absolutely is something that you daydream about." Taylor, Imma let you finish, but Beyoncé has TEN Grammy noms. [AP, People]

• Details on the Grammy noms at this link. [NY Post]
• Taylor Swift has also inked a video-on-demand deal with Comcast. [Reuters]
• Rachel Uchitel, the first woman accused of having an affair with Tiger Woods — and who denied that she had one — is MAYBE ready to admit that she did hook up with the golfer; her attorney, Gloria Allred, has set up a press conference, which will take place today. [Radar Online]
• Here's the deal: Rachel Uchitel supposedly lied when denying an affair with Tiger Woods to protect him. And she was the one — not Jaimee Grubbs — whose texts caused an argument between Tiger and his wife. [TMZ]
• File this under shit you never wanted to know: Tiger Woods' alleged mistress, Jaimee Grubbs, "has a history of chasing famous sports professionals, tried to get into Playboy and made a sex tape." [Radar Online]
• By the by: Tiger Woods offered Jaimee Grubbs a job: he offered her a condo or apartment, and he said she could stay there for free and "sort of manage the property." [Radar Online]
• Kalika Moquin, alleged mistress #3, had no idea who Tiger Woods was when she first met him, according to sources. When she found out he was a millionaire golfer, she started hooking up with him. [TMZ]
• Ugh: Cheater-oriented website Ashley Madison wants Tiger to do ads and promotion for them. And porn company Vivid Entertainment is offering $1 million to any woman who has proof she was Tiger's lover and signs a contract with them. [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods' sponsors are standing by him, and, since he makes $110 million a year in endorsements, that's a big deal. [NY Post]
• Tiger Woods and his wife and in "intense marriage counseling." And Elin Nordegren has demanded "a total rewrite on the couple's prenuptial agreement." [Us Weekly]
• More on the Tiger Woods prenup renegotiation here. [The Daily Beast]
• Someone at a Las Vegas club spilled a drink on Orlando Bloom's shirt, so, naturally, one of his friends called the John Varvatos store and within 30 minutes, someone arrived with three brand new shirts. Right there in a packed 200-capacity dining room, Orlando took off the soiled shirt and put on a new one. Girlfriend Miranda Kerr was one of those admiring the view. [Page Six]
• Chris Brown's interview with ABC News' Robin Roberts will air on 20/20 Friday night; in this promo, Chris says: "I never ever had problems with anger. No, no domestic violence with any of my past girlfriends. I never was that kind of person. ... I look at it, and it's really, like really difficult. It's like, 'How could I be that person?'" [ABC News]
• Oprah will have a "significant presence" on OWN, her cable network launching in 2011, but she won't be doing a cable version of her talk show. [NY Post]
• George Clooney's girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis is on the cover of German FHM wearing… very little. Also, the mag calls her "Fraulein Clooney." [NY Daily News]
• Will George Stephanopoulos replace Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America? [NY Post]
• Colin Firth stars in A Single Man, a film written and director by fashion guru Tom Ford. Colin says: "He told me I looked good, but I'd look better if I had a personal trainer." Tom corrects: "I told him he was fat." [NY Times]
• Oh, great. "Despite falling ratings, MTV's The Hills will return for a sixth season." You know why? Because MTV has NOTHING else. [Variety]
• People who squabble on The Hills do shots together when the cameras are not rolling. [Page Six]
• ABC has canceled Adam Lambert performances AGAIN — this time on Jimmy Kimmel Live and New Year's Rockin' Eve. Glambert Tweeted: "Yes, sadly friends, ABC has canceled my appearances on Kimmel and NYE. :( don't blame them. It's the FCC heat ... I AM doing Leno though. And lookin into something for NYE ... It'll all blow over. Let's focus on being positive! :)" [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Whee: Ricky Gervais will host the 2010 Golden Globes. [Variety]
• Michael Lohan, ever the underminer, predicts that Jon Gosselin will lose TLC's breach of contract lawsuit against him. [MSNBC]
• In this piece, people have amusing things to say about Viggo Mortensen. The Road director John Hillcoat says: "He's a passionate guy." Director Peter Jackson says: "I just didn't know how gung-ho he'd be for everything… [If a scene called for Mortensen to climb a mountain], he'd be the guy who slept outside in a sleeping bag to get a start on the day." Fran Walsh, Jackson's partner and Lord of the Rings co-writer, says: "He's almost like a hippie. We picked him up at the airport one time, and he wasn't wearing shoes. I still have no idea how he got through the airport barefoot." Viggo himself says: "I know it sounds clichéd, but I didn't want to do anything for fame. I just love the arts." [USA Today]
• Sometimes Page Six is like a celebrity message board; today the bulletin is for Alec Baldwin's former girlfriend, Nicole Seidel: He still loves you and would do anything to get you back. [Page Six]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Tom Brady knows the sex of the fetus Gisele is carrying, even though Gisele does not. He says: "It's a pretty good feeling knowing something that no one else knows." [People]
• Ashlee Simpson has already succeeded in pissing off the cast of Chicago, and she just made her debut on Monday night. [Gatecrasher]
• Page Six claims Candice Bergen and Anna Paquin "just missed each other" at a hotel in Long Island; obviously no one at the column saw this picture from the set of The Romantics. [Page Six]
• Rosie Perez effed up her job presenting awards at the Gotham Independent Film Awards on Monday night. [Gatecrasher]
• Mother-daughter bonding! Candy and Tori Spelling have been mending their relationship! Candy says: "I'm looking forward to a lot of wonderful things. We have taken this private, which is what I've always wanted and I think so did Tori, and I'm really thrilled." [E!]
• Fresh-out-of-the-closet Meredith Baxter is writing a book about her life and shopping the story. [Page Six]
• Steven Keaton supports Elyse Keaton's decision to come out. [People]
• Yasmin LeBon critiques Simon LeBon's gigs with Duran Duran: "I give him a debrief after the show – the lights, the sound. I just can't help it." [Daily Mail]
• Hulk Hogan is engaged to girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel. [NY Daily News]
• "I was supposed to be his assistant as well as work with him on a book and other endorsements such as a motorcycle line and a kids clothing line, and kids' stackable furniture. His contract with TLC never came up. It didn't seem to concern him." — Kate Major, in a deposition in TLC's lawsuit against Jon Gosselin. [Radar Online]
• "I'm trying to find roles that demand more adulthood from me because you can get stuck in a very awful cute cycle as a woman in film - especially being such a small person. I'm a really late bloomer. In my own life, it's only been the last couple of years where I'm like, I'm an adult. I'm not totally an adult but…" — Natalie Portman. [USA Today]
• "I feel like a human being again. There was one point in time where I felt like...[Sighs.] I don't know-I felt like plastic. I think I looked plastic. My face, fat plastic. [Laughs.] I was eating, but the Vicodin made me hungry because it eats up your stomach lining, so you want to fill your stomach back up, but then it stops you up so you can't shit, you just-That's why I was gaining so much weight, I was just so fucking bloated. It's a trip when people take sobriety for granted. Feeling trapped in my addiction and then getting sober-you appreciate it so much more, because I didn't know if I would ever know what it's like to feel normal again, ever." — Eminem, who has been sober for 19 months, talks about drugs, music, Dr. Dre and much much more in an extensive interview. [Complex]
• "When you read things about Michael Jackson it's hard to decipher what the fuck is true, but there's the story of how he woke up at whatever time and he needed something to go back to sleep because he had this or that and it didn't work. That's exactly what used to happen to me: I would take a couple of pills and I would be up an hour later and I'd want more. Then I'd take more and that would be enough to maybe get me back to sleep for two more hours. Then I'd be wide awake again. So I definitely can relate, and it's a shame if he didn't have anybody there to just say, 'Michael, you're an addict, you need help.' It's one of the pitfalls of fame. I could just say, 'Yo, I need this and this and this,' and they're going to give me whatever I want…" — Eminem. [Complex]
• "I overdid everything. I was hung over for two years. If I didn't drink, I didn't do anything. It was bad. [My new album] is not all about getting sober. The problem is, I did all the drinking for my whole life in a two-year span. I wish I had spaced it out. Drinking is great. It makes you happy. But the next day, it makes everything feel as twice as bad as it was before. So what's the point? It's delicious but poisonous." — Julian Casablancas. [CNN]
• "[Being armed and dangerous] turns me on in a way I that I shouldn't be saying. It's boring to always play the victim or the compliant little woman. Eff that! Why don't you have my baby and wait at home while I go kill some mother[bleepers]? It's just very empowering." — Zoe Saldana. [Page Six]
• "[After 30 Rock, I would like to manage a Laytner's Linen on the upper West Side. Every time I'm in there, I wish I worked there — free towels." — Tina Fey. [Gatecrasher via Entertainment Weekly]

Natalie Portman on Marie Claire

Representative Quote:

She got to spend three months in France when she was 11, shooting The Professional, and on her days off her mother would take her to Monet's house in Giverny and encourage her to come home and paint a version of what she'd seen. When she traveled to Japan for the premiere of The Professional, her parents insisted on a week off to explore the country. Portman shrugs: "OK, so I didn't really go to high school parties," she says, "and yeah, I didn't touch pot till I was in my 20s. I didn't get flat-out drunk until I went to college. But I think that's a good thing in many ways."

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

"Diet Or Exercise: Which Sheds The Pounds Faster?"

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

275. Which is either the number of brain cells you will shed reading "WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT BONKING THE BOSS?", or the number of Fabulous Finds To Start The New Year you, mere female, will need to get him in a bonking mood.

Britney Spears on Elle

Elle's Lady Gaga cover might be getting all the attention — but the January issue is actually hitting newsstands with a second cover, featuring Spears and her sons. Golf claps for Britney, everyone! Last time she tried to do an Elle shoot, something terrible happened.

Representative Quote:

Elle's Spears profile is not yet online, so let's nab another quote from Marie Claire.

A little-known fact about Portman is that for her very first acting job — as an off-Broadway understudy — she replaced Britney Spears. Needless to say, their paths have diverged wildly since then

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

"DO YOU EXERCISE TO EAT? HERE'S A BETTER WAY."

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

175. The speed, in miles per hour, which this magazine might reach if you dropped it off a very tall building. Which would be more educational than reading about the BEST NEW SHOES, JACKETS, AND BAGS.

Lady Gaga on Elle

Representative Quote:

"I get all the symptoms of a pregnant woman. I get headaches, I get tired, I get blurred vision sometimes during a really intense session with [her creative team] the Haus."

WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT THIS WOMAN IS JUST PREGNANT WITH CREATIVITY?!

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

See above.

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

See above.

Sarah Jessica Parker on Glamour

Representative Quote:

SJP: I still will not wear turtlenecks.

GLAMOUR: Why not?

SJP: I feel like I'm having a panic attack in them. I'm so short that the little bit of height I have is taken and consumed by the turtleneck. My son won't wear them, either!

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

"SO TRUE! Why The Happiest Women Aren't Perfect."

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

50. Could that be the number of Your Most Private Questions that you could Answer, right now, by reading Wikipedia.

Scarlett Johanson on UK Harper's Bazaar

Representative Quote:

This comes from the mouth of Bono, who is interviewed alongside Johanson, because she wears (PRODUCT) RED clothing in the accompanying fashion shoot:

"I don't give a shit how things look anymore. I just want to get the results, get the cheque signed. If it takes me looking like a totally unhip white messiah, I don't care. You do whatever it takes to get people what they need to survive. For me, it was coming home that was the hardest. Coming back to my privileged life. I used to find that really difficult. It's hard when you find yourself in such a harsh juxtaposition with somebody who's fighting for their life. It used to make me feel more awkward than it does now, being this rich rock star next to a starving African."

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

Strangely, none. (The standard beauty and fashion stories look exceptionally inoffensive, or unexceptionally offensive.) Although as hard as it is to take a half dozen pages of Johanson nursing a bad case of sexyface in leopard print clothing, it's pretty odd that the cover implies she and Bono would bond over a serious consideration of music.

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

2010, which is the year you might finally itemize your charitable donations for tax purposes, and briefly consider writing off the cost of Johanson's Tom Waits album. Since listening to it was clearly an act of charity on your part.

Kate Hudson on US Harper's Bazaar

Representative Quote:

"With a hot new movie and major-league man, Kate Hudson seems anything but normal. But the bubbly blonde is just like the rest of us (with fancier clothes, of course)."

Major League! Get it? Get it? No, she really doesn't say anything about A-Rod:

Isn't she moving fast? "People don't know where I'm moving," she counters good-naturedly. "They're just reading psychobabble in these [tabloid] magazines." Even when confronted with the evidence — a picture of her kissing A-Rod — she gamely holds her ground. "There's a guy that's shooting probably 60 frames a minute. That was a sideswipe on the cheek. That wasn't even a kiss." So she's not in love with this guy? "I quickly kissed the cheek," she maintains. "And I remember one of the headlines the next day said, MAKEOUT SESSION. What is wrong with people?

Hahaha, she didn't actually specify "tabloid" magazines.

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

Harper's Bazaar on this side of the pond is totally deficient in this category, too. "Get Gorgeous Hair" — much as our credulity doesn't stretch to believing such a thing could ever result from the use of ridiculously priced products — just doesn't raise my hackles.

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

562. Either New Ideas to Update Your Look (again!), or Things You Might Make If You Treated This Issue Like An Origami Project.

• The Tiger Woods case may be closed, but a Los-Angeles based cocktail waitress, Jaimee Grubbs, is telling Us Weekly that she had a 31-month fling with Tiger. And:

Another woman from a nightclub in Las Vegas is expected to be named any minute now. Can of worms, you guys. Can of worms. [MSNBC Scoop]

• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Us Weekly has voicemails from Tiger Woods in which he says: "Hey, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye." You can listen at the link. [Us Weekly]
• Jaimee Grubbs, the alleged recipient of the voicemail, allegedly bragged about her relationship with Tiger at work and played the voicemail for coworkers. Allegedly. [TMZ]
• Jaimee Grubbs also says she has photos and hundreds of "racy" text messages from Tiger Woods. [NY Daily News]
• More on Tiger's sexting here. One message reads: "I will wear you out... when was the last time you got [bleeped]?" [Radar Online]
• This report claims that Tiger Woods booked and paid for Rachel Uchitel's trip to meet him in Australia in November. [Radar Online]
• Lindsay Lohan was out Monday night, hanging with John Mayer and Samantha Ronson, and was "totally sober and well-behaved." No, really. [Page Six]
• According to this column, John Mayer was "playing relationship counselor" to Sam and Lindsay — getting Sam to talk to Lindsay, whom she initially ignored. The two ended up spending much of the night talking and laughing! John Mayer is magic! [Gatecrasher]
• Caaaaaaashmere sweaters! Oprah's "Favorite Things" episode may be back next year! [CNN]
• Like Taylor swift, Bon Jovi and Gwen Stefani, Jay-Z is suing an establishment for playing his music without paying. [TMZ]
• What's this? Justin Timberlake's new hair looks like his old hair? You don't say. [Gatecrasher]
• Adam Lambert is hoping one of his songs will be in the Twilight movie Eclipse: "It's kind of about vampires," he explains. "It's a great song. It's very theatrical ... very campy." SHOCKING. [Gatecrasher via MTV]
• Tragic times we live in: Britney Spears, Rihanna, David Beckham, Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom were all seen at LAX Monday — and they all few commercial. [Gatecrasher via X17]
• George Clooney's frequent flier tip: Wear slip-on shoes. "The shoes you have to tie, they take forever." But: "I never wear those goofy masks on my eyes. I am too worried about the guy in the next seat taking a picture of me. That is one photo that you can't live down." [People]
• Kim Kardashian has finally reached her "goal" in terms of her body, and you can see what that looks like in a pic at the link. [NY Daily News]
• Another amazing Twitter pic: Tyra and her real hair! [NY Daily News]
• The Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie promises to be "epic" and those involved are looking to "recreate that Gladiator magic." Production is "massive," claims Ridley Scott. Russell Crowe says: "I don't think there is a satisfying Robin Hood and that's one of the key reasons for wanting to make another one." Expect to see Robin with cropped hair and a beard, much like Maximus. [News.com.au]
• Clint Eastwood, who directed the Nelson Mandela film Invictus, says he finds Mandela "Christ-like." "There are just no people like this on the planet." [Showbiz 411]
• Stevie Wonder has been named a United Nations Messenger of Peace, which is a brilliant idea. [UPI]
• Rah rah ah ah ah: Barry Manilow hearts Lady Gaga. "I really think she's got something going for her," he says. [Reuters]
• Barry should know that a teen panel has declared that Lady Gaga and Jamie Foxx songs are the musical equivalent of junk food with "unhealthy relationship ingredients." But: "We aren't telling people what they should or should not be listening to," Barbara Ferrer, of the Boston Public Health Commission, said in a statement. "We are giving them a tool that will help them make an informed choice about what they put in their bodies." Fourteen teens attended a seven-week commission-sponsored institute on healthy relationship promotion and teen dating violence prevention, where they were taught to evaluate music based on themes of power, control, equality and gender roles. [USA Today]
• Sting was asked: "Do you feel uncomfortable travelling between various homes in various continents at enormous carbon cost?" by Newsnight's Jeremy Paxman, who added: You're not being blamed for the global crisis, you're just being called a hypocrite." Sting "squirmed in his seat." [Guardian]
• OMG OMG OMG: Joan Collins is hoping to take her makeover TV show Joan Does Glamour to the US! Hairspray, diamonds and shoulder pads for everyone! [Mirror]
• "Customers who buy a diamond at Ivanka Trump's Bridal Bar, where rings start at $15,000, will get a three-course dinner with champagne and a night in a Trump hotel in Manhattan." Get engaged — get a room. [Ny Daily News]
• Corey Feldman's going through a divorce and wants joint custody of his son and doesn't want to give his wife spousal support. [TMZ]
• Little Richard is out of the hospital after hip surgery and wants to work hard at recovery so he can "get back on the road as soon as possible." Let's hope he's feeling Tutti Frutti ASAP. [AP]
• Norah Jones has won her battle to transform the windowless side wall of her Amity Street mansion in Brooklyn's Cobble Hill by punching out 10 windows. [Brooklyn Paper]
• "Oscar-nominated actor James Woods has settled a lawsuit against a hospital in Rhode Island where his younger brother Michael died in 2006." [Mirror]
• Whatshername and Whatshisname reunited… To watch their son's nativity play. [The Sun]
• "I did show my line at Bryant Park, which is not in this season, but I knew that I had to really prove myself as a designer more than anybody else out there. There are so many celebrity lines and there are so many reality show lines, actually, that haven't really done well and haven't shown much design sense. So I had to prove myself even more, that I really did take this seriously. I think no one ever expected me to put so much heart and soul into it. I guess the verdict is still out regarding what they think of my talent." — Whitney Port. Lots more at the link. [LA Times]
• "We as a family are under a lot pressure. [People want] to make us look bad and wants us to fail. [With the Melrose Place firing, the world], again, always want to make it look like we're failures but we're really just a family that works hard. My children look at ups and downs and rise up above it all and remain strong...We're just normal people, and we always try to be who we say we are." — Joe Simpson on his daughters Ashlee and Jessica. [Us Magazine]
• "They are all different. I have died with my eyes open, which is more interesting than dying with your eyes shut. I can't remember how I died as Tolstoy, but I have done Cyrano de Bergerac on stage and I died with my eyes opened. I think that's marvelous, because in the theater the lights hold to your open eyes and it's kind of marvelously frightening for a second." — Christopher Plummer, who plays Tolstoy in his latest film The Last Station. [LA Times]
• "I think we should say something about class in America. It's the dirty little secret nobody wants to talk about… What about the people at the top who are evil and corrupt and don't want to change and don't want to give up the positions of power that they inhabit to make other people suffer and to make actual real horror in the world? They don't want to change. What do we do about them?" — Roseanne Barr tries to be the voice of the disappearing American middle class on her radio show, "The Tipping Point." [LA Times]
• "I think she's probably quite nervous... She's smart but make no mistakes, this will be a very different kind of show than what you're used to. Obviously everyone wants to sit next to me. I am thinking about pulling names out of a hat." — Simon Cowell on Ellen DeGeneres joining the judging panel on American Idol. [Mirror]
• "You can still contribute even if you are not as fortunate as I am. I've been blessed and I've been over-rewarded for what I do and I'm trying to give my time and my resources but you know, I'm a rich rock star, so shoot me." — Bono, urging people to buy products from the (RED) brand, which funds aid projects in Africa. [Telegraph]
• "A lot's changed since I was on TV. We have a black president now. Actually, Obama called me and asked me to help him with his campaign. He said he had two rules for me — don't use the 'N' word, and stay off TV. Figures the first black president would run on a platform of only taxing the rich, and now I'm rich!" — Dave Chappelle, in a surprise visit to Caroline's comedy club. [Page Six]
• "OK, so I didn't really go to high school parties. I didn't touch pot 'til I was in my 20s. I didn't get flat-out drunk until I went to college [Harvard]. But I think that's a good thing in many ways." — Natalie Portman. [Page Six via Marie Claire]
• "Not only is my performance raw in this film, but through most of the film I am naked from the waist down. So not only am I raw, I'm chafed." — George Clooney, joking about Up In The Air. [People]

Kind of digging on Amy Landecker's happy hour look.


Natalie Portman says: be afraid. Be very afraid. I went to Harvard and I love animals. And I dress flawlessly, with just a hint of calculated, sophisticated risk.


Kristen Wiig is one of my favorite human beings, which is why I'm not even commenting on a bootie choice and incorporates an entirely different genre, like Sergio Leone being brought in to finish Sex and the City 2. (Work with me.)


Uh oh. Brooke Shields' dress is being dragged down and off by the weight of the feathers and tulle.


When it comes to Rosie Perez' enormous bow: fun or fug? (Keeping in mind that we're now firmly in the holiday season.)

Patricia Clarkson: "I'll show ya how it's done, kid. It's all about the jewel tones."


Margarita Levieva: Why go with Lauper makeup and a tried-and-true 80s neckline and then wimp out on the heels? It was "Holiday" until we hit the lack of pointy pumps!


We have approximately 5 seconds before Sari Lennick starts a round of inappropriate giggles. Possible caused by itchy lame.


"Yes, I am doing Audrey, dammit! And it's glorious!" (Melonie Diaz)


Shohreh Aghdashloo: "Oh, honey, you have no idea. This is my little brooch."

[Images via Getty]

• Jon Gosselin's (possibly ex) girlfriend Hailey Glassman says Jon lied when he said he was spending Thanksgiving at his grandma's, and was really snowboarding. [ONTD]

• Tobey Maguire assured his wife Jennifer Meyer she has nothing to worry about when it comes to his love scenes with Natalie Portman in Brothers. It's called "acting." [Page Six]
• Susan Boyle cried after singing on The Today Show, and some upstanding person got it on video. [UPI]
  
• Kathleen Turner and her daughter spent Thanksgiving feeding hungry seniors. [NYDN]
• Rashida Jones refuses to answer questions about her possible relationship with John Mayer. How many people can John Mayer be "possibly dating"? [Page Six]
• Tyler Perry is being sued for stealing song lyrics for a song in Madea Goes to Jail. [NYDN]
• A launch date has been set for the Spice Girls musical nobody asked for.[The Sun]
• Jermaine Jackson claims that the recent suicide of the father of the accuser in Michael Jackson's child molestation case proves that Michael was innocent. Many might say the opposite, since the accuser's father was widely criticized for "selling" his son to Jackson for millions of dollars. [TMZ]
• Tila Tequila will agree not to sue a porn site that she claims shows her stolen sex tape if they pay her $280k. [TMZ]
• MacKenzie Phillips claims she's been "uninvited" to her family's Thanksgiving this year, which would no doubt be extra-awkward. [Access Hollywood]
• Rihanna's former neighbors are arguing because one of them harassed Rihanna while she lived next door. [TMZ]
• Boy George claims to be off drugs for good. [Daily Express]
• Avril Lavigne was spotted making out with a "dead ringer" for her ex-husband Deryck Whibley the other night. [Page Six]
• Pete Doherty could face a murder probe in the death of a man who fell or was pushed off a balcony after an argument with Doherty and others. [The Sun]
• Gwyneth Paltrow has dedicated the latest edition of her Goop newsletter to the memory of her father, Bruce. [The Mirror]
• Eminem says he should be a judge on the British talent show The X Factor. [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted in the Bahamas with his ex, supermodel Bar Rafaeli. Those two just can't stay away from each other. [Daily Express]
• With Dubai in financial trouble, Brad Pitt might have to scuttle plans to build a hotel there. Aww. [Guardian]
• I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here's Jordan begs Peter Andre for a reunion. [The Sun]
• Zac Efron says Guardian interview went "to a weird place." [Guardian]
• Posh Spice learned her lesson and left a good tip at Medieval Times during her most recent outing to the theme restaurant/theater. Question: Why does Posh Spice have to go to Medieval Times? [TMZ}
• In addition to every other reason to hate him lately, Michael Lohan is over $15k behind in child support payments. [TMZ]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger owes nearly $80k in back taxes. But probably not for long. [TMZ]

Natalie Portman can do "perfection" better than almost anyone. And is that the night sky?


Julia Koch got the memo about "lady in red" patron-of-the-arts chic.


So did Fe Fendi!
And Paula Zahn!


Assuming she wasn't really famous, could you guess what Aurelie Dupont does for a living? It starts with "baller" and ends with "ina."


Candace Bushnell is here, obviously, because she's married to a dancer. I can't think of an equally logical explanation for her necklace. She's been ordained into the Eastern Orthodox priesthood?


The question: is Mila Kunis sporting her own dinner jacket, or was someone being chivalrous?


There are very few things apropos for both Studio 54 and the NYCB. Carol Mack's dress is one. "Baryshnikov" is another.


Let's add "Catherine Malandrino" to that list!"


Sarah Sophie Flicker: fun or folly? It makes me smile.


Michelle Herbert is, I think, going for Goddess of Love. Well, that or Ivana Trump.


Alexandra Lebenthal is doing the near-impossible: wearing yellow and not getting washed out.


And...Pamela Joyner's skirt will come in handy when the can-can starts later. (No, not joking. The dancing got wild.)


On the one hand, kind of loving Erin Fetherston's late-Poiret silhouette. On the other, the print's a tad Mrs. Roper -in-a-dogwood-tree. In other words, LOVE it.


Elise Overland and Diana Picasso: "So, flowing robes tonight?"


And just to give you a sense of the 'do: that's Darci Kistler and Peter Martins cutting a rug!

[Images via Getty]

• Jennifer Hudson will sing for President Obama, Michelle Obama and their guests at a state dinner tonight.

I love that the Obamas love their Chicago gal. She should always be at the White House. For some reason, I am imagining a scenario in which JHud sings "And I am telling you… I'm not going…" And then actually refuses to leave. [ET]

• Miley Cyrus went for burgers, and when the counter person asked her name to mark the order, the teen dream said: ""Are you serious? You don't recognize me? I'm Miley Cyrus." The counterperson shrugged, having no idea what that meant, and replied: "That's nice for you. Here is your order. Have a good day." [Page Six]
• Wow, Carla Bruni is going to be in a Woody Allen movie! "I don't know for what role but I said yes," she explains. And she admits she lacks experience as an actress: Perhaps I will be very bad." [WSJ]
• Judi Dench was filming a Christmas special set in the 1840s when she lost a crown on her tooth. ''There wasn't time for me to change,'' she says. ''So I was in my wig and bonnet and all my clothes. I went into the waiting room and sat and registered, and everyone kept looking at me. When I got in to see the dentist, he said: 'Are you busy working at the moment?' I was wearing a full wig with curls." [Telegraph]
• BREAKING: Amber Tamblyn got eyelash extensions. [Page Six]
• Jon and Kate might be over, but the Jon Gosselin drama lives on! The breach of contract suit against him — in which TLC claims be took on unauthorized work — persists. Now there are — you guessed it — phone call recordings between Gosselin's manager and (who else?) Michael Lohan. [MSNBC Scoop]
• At the link, you can listen to a recorded Jon Gosselin rant about TLC and say: "I put my kids out there to every pedophile on the planet and they never got paid for it." [Radar Online]
• Mariah Carey was on GMTV in the UK, and the host of the show says: "She had two people to lower her on to the GMTV sofa, in case her dress got crushed, one person to walk in front of her backwards at all times in case she fell over and several people behind the camera making sure she was going to be filmed from the right angle! Oh, and she brought her own toilet roll as well." [The Sun]
• Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds partied all night for ScarJo's birthday, and ScarJo and RyRen looked so in love and everything was wonderful and their life is perfect. [Page Six]
• Regis Philbin will be away from Live with Regis & Kelly for a month while he recovers from hip replacement surgery. Be well Reege! [NY Post]
• Emma Watson has a new boyfriend, Spanish rock star Rafael Cebrian. Allegedly. [Page Six]
• Amy Winehouse spent thousands on "saucy" underwear, perfume and a rhinestone-enrcusted whip over the weekend. According to a source, "Amy loves showing off her new boobs and wanted to get sexy underwear to make the most of them. She couldn't resist getting a few other bits and pieces, like the whip." [The Sun]
• Remember when Nicole Kidman said she'd "explored obsession" and "strange sexual fetish stuff"? She takes it back, sorta: She meant when acting! "That's what I said in relation to my work. In terms of my work, yeah, I'm interested in exploring love and so that comes in all different forms. In terms of my private life, I'd never reveal what I've explored in my private life." [Daily Express]
• Just because Taylor Lautner is on the cover of Men's Health and Taylor Swift was on the cover of Women's Health doesn't mean they're in competition with each other. Jeez. [Page Six]
• A film about Lil' Wayne is controversial? You don't say. [CNN]
• For some reason I hallucinated that Cougar Town was cancelled. Instead it was just on a break while Courteney Cox dealt with a "family matter" and will be back filming on November 30. I would love to do a "when do you think Cougar Town will get cancelled" pool, though. [People]
  
• Neve Campbell talks about living in London, getting ready to film Scream 4, her "terrible" fashion mistakes in the past, her work with an orphanage in African and "working the Sidney bob" for the Scream flicks. [BlackBook]
• Timbaland says he did not delete Chris Brown's vocal from a track called "The One I Love" due to the drama in Chris' life — "Chris is a friend to us," a rep for Timbaland claims. But Chris is missing from the song. [E!]
• 50 Cent settled the lawsuit he filed against Taco Bell after the fast-food chain used his name without permission. The dollar amount has not been disclosed, but 50 was asking for $4 million, which buys a lot of 99¢ tacos. [NY Post]
• Tyler Perry has donate $1 million to the NAACP. [WaPo]
• Spencer Pratt bet some DJs that Heidi Montag's performance at the Miss Universe pageant was the most-watched performance of all time and now he wants his money. [TMZ]
• Jeez, the Aerosmith dramz is never-ending. Joe Perry is not speaking to Steven Tyler and seems generally hostile about the situation. [MTV News]
• It appears that Pulp Fiction writer Roger Avary is updating his Twitter account and Tweeting. From JAIL. [The Wrap]
• Rosie O'Donnell raised money for her Rosie's Broadway Kids charity not by offering trips or prizes or dinners — but by working the room. [Showbiz 411]
• Poor Kirk Cameron. Going to a UCLA to convince students that Darwin's theory of evolution is wrong really backfired on you, huh? The students totally know what they're talking about when they say Darwin had evidence. [TMZ]
• Tila Tequila claims a sex video that recently popped up on a porn site was stolen from her laptop two years ago. She's planning to sue. [TMZ]
• There will be a Susan Boyle documentary on the TV Guide Network? Isn't that the one where the channels scroll all day long? [NY Post]
• Little Richard is recovering from surgery and asks for your wop bop a loo bops and prayers. [USA Today]
• Whatshername would like to apologize for her behavior since her divorce. [BBC News]
• "I knew what tone I wanted for the book, and it was a matter first of coming up with an outline, getting the characters, the ending, and then figuring out how to get from one point to the next. I'd send [a chapter] to [my collaborator]. He'd come back with some notes. If there was something I felt strongly enough about, then we'd talk about it to see if it would work. The book had to sound like I wrote it." — Al Roker, on his new mystery novel, The Morning Show Murders. [The Daily Beast]
• "The difference between you and me is that even when I wash my hands, I can't get it out of my mind that they're not clean. I have to go back to the sink, I can't even continue with my day. I have to leave the party, leave work. Those thoughts are so intrusive and on a continual loop that I can't inhibit it. Everybody has irregular thoughts, but not like this… I'm probably the only guy set up for these book signings hoping no one will show up. I don't want to face anyone, look anyone in the eye. Who, with my condition, would do a book tour right in the middle of H1N1 flu season?" — Howie Mandel, whose book, Here's the Deal: Don't Touch Me, hits stores today. [USA Today]
• "Why are people embarrassed about elderly sex? I hate it when I'm given a script in which the guy's wife is dead. That's just an easy way to dispense with having sex. Audiences don't want to see Big Daddy and Big Mama in bed – but I like to talk about it." — James Earl Jones, who plays Big Daddy in the all-black stage version of Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, now in London. [Guardian]
• "We have gotten ourselves into a big, deep hole in the way that we look at healthcare. We are in a system where they get money when we're sick. That's never going to work for us. So when someone says, 'You don't need a mammogram until you're 50,' you take charge of that. I don't trust any of that." — Melissa Etheridge. [People]
• "We were working 12 hours a day, so it didn't leave too much time to eat." — New Moon's Ashley Greene on staying thin. Then her publicist nudged her, and she said: "We had a personal trainer and then we also had fight training." [Ny Daily News]
• "It took us only six months to get married, but it took us five years to commit to making a movie together." — Tao Ruspoli, who made the indie flick Fix with his wife of seven years, Olivia Wilde. [Page Six]
• "I'm all set [with a boyfriend]. But unfortunately not everyone out there is and it's tough to date, to be out there and so I kind of wanted to portray that other side of women's reality and [my song] 'Did It Again' is about making recurrently the same mistake which is something us women tend to do because of our emotional nature, that emotional, romantic and dreamy nature." — Shakira. [AP]
• "He plays guitar and has a great voice. Kids and dogs love him. He loves his mom and sister and girlfriend. He's perfect... too bad he's ugly." — Natalie Portman on Jake Gyllenhaal. I know she's kidding, but I do suspect he's had a nose job. [Mirror]

[New York, November 22. Image via WENN]

The one context in which Taylor Momsen's teen goth makes sense! Besides, you know, high school.


Jessica Szohr goes topical, too: this is vaguely Interview with the Vampire. Retro!


Hey, if there's one place you can do steampunk spinster, this is it. Not that Agyness Deyn needs an excuse.


Rachel Roy boldly disregards the Tim Burton dress code, and as a result wears one of the more interesting - and certainly cheerful - outfits here. Dig the mixed patterns.


The lovely Ashley Greene plays a clairvoyant vampire. Her dress plays angry shag carpeting.


Alexa Chung's eyes sparkle with the unholy light of the true fan.


Kristen Stewart looks chicer and more comfortable every time we see her. No mean feat at 19.


Genevieve Jones' shoes are altogether too gay for such a serious event. Does she not realize that young girls are dying with love all over the world?


Fabiola Beracasa is...camera-ready. And yes, it is a teen vampire movie! Whatever, who doesn't love costumes?


Lydia Hearst is 1920s ethereal. The "good" to Fabiola's "evil," if you will.


I can't think of a single nice thing to say about Veronica Webb's getup, so let's move on for karmic purposes.


Haha, Natalie Portman thought she could sneak in the back way, did she? Not on our watch, sister! Admit that twi-love!


Ivanka Trump has the look, and the getup, of one who's just realized, wait, this isn't a charitable fundraiser?


Amber Rose just refuses to leave home without her dunce cap!


There are many embarrassing things about this event. This is obviously one of them.

[Images via Getty]

• Chris Brown sat down with MTV's Sway to discuss his assault on Rihanna, noting that he's still unsure as to how the public perceives him and that he believes that "abuse of any kind is always wrong." [MTV]

• "I'm confused right now as far as the public perception [of me]," Brown tells MTV. "Like, I think with my fans, they still love me, they support me, definitely. You have those people who will support you. So it's kinda like 50/50 for me. I got the people that will come out and support and then the people that don't wanna see me do anything. They basically want me in jail." As for people calling him a "woman beater," Brown says, "I'm human, so when I hear certain things that they say or if I go somewhere and I hear somebody be rude about it, it's just like, 'Man, it's a mistake.' I made a big mistake. I'm learning from it. Like, I'm not saying, 'Who are they to judge?' because, I mean, everybody's entitled to their own opinion on how they feel, but it hurts." [MTV]
• Brown believes that "the details" on what happened between himself and Rihanna should remain "a private matter." [People]
• Taylor Swift says she's ready to host and perform on tonight's Saturday Night Live: "I told all the writers, ‘Don't count anything out. I want to completely go 100 percent in this'. I really, really don't want to be only halfway involved … just because I have a lot of things to do as far as being musical guest and host." [ShowbizSpy]
• Susan Boyle will stop by Dancing With The Stars next week to promote her upcoming album, which is set for release on November 24. "She's excited and happy," her brother, John Boyle, says "She loves America and loves the people. She appreciates their honesty." [People]
• Meanwhile, Boyle says she wasn't aware of what she looked like until she saw herself on television. "I saw this wee wifey with the mad hairdo and the bushy eyebrows and said, 'Hmmm, not really telegenic.' So, I decided to spruce myself up a bit. When I look in the mirror now, I see this sophisticated lady. I'm still a bit like that wee wifey inside, but more refined in some ways. I think any woman would have done the same. Would you want to look like the Hairy Angel? I don't think so." [DailyMail]
• "There are some things that have been really hurtful to me but you have to catch yourself. It's just an image that they're making fun of but it's just difficult to explain that to your children. They've had to defend me and their dad plenty of times. Tommy is an amazing musician, very talented, it doesn't make him a bad father and just because I'm covered in glitter it doesn't mean I'm a bad mum!"-Pamela Anderson [Mirror]
• This could be awesome: Ian McKellen is set to play his fictional brother, "Murray McKellen," in The Academy, an Office-style mockumentary "about a run-down drama school in London." [DailyExpress]
• Kristen Stewart officially graduated from high school on the set of Eclipse just as she was filming graduation scenes for her character, Bella Swan, and so she decided to combine the two: "The other day I was doing a graduation scene on Eclipse and I had just finished high school myself the week before, so I told the crew, 'Hey, just so you know, I'm actually graduating right now, and I'm not going to have another ceremony.' So I took a mock picture with an extra. I literally asked the actor to come back and shake my hand and hand me the diploma while I was dressed in a cap and gown." [DailyExpress]
• Tippi Hedren, who took in Michael Jackson's tigers, Thriller and Sabu, after he passed away, says the animals are doing just fine: "They're just great, and they were beautiful when they came to us. It took awhile to adjust, because anytime anybody moves, it's a period of adjustment. But they're wonderful and very beautiful." [NYDN]
• Robert Zemeckis says he'd like to have the two living Beatles take part in his upcoming remake of Yellow Submarine, but "we haven't gotten the word yet on the two surviving Beatles, whether they're interested in doing it or not." [DailyExpress]
• Joe Jackson is seeking a monthly stipend from his late son Michael's estate in order to help him cover roughly $15,000 a month in expenses. [Yahoo]
• Robert Pattinson says he's not really the romantic type, and that he's never serenaded anyone as "you need to have so much balls to do that, Jesus Christ. I put a flower on someone's locker when I was 15." [E!]
• Jennifer Lopez is planning to sue her ex-husband, Ojani Noa, over his plans to release "How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The JLo and Ojani Noa Story," a film based on the couple's relationship that allegedly includes several hours of home video footage, including scenes from the couple's honeymoon hotel room. [TMZ]
• "One of my favorite things is experiencing the spontaneous moment that only happens once. No matter how many times you perform, you never have the same moment twice. And I love that. I love the magic of that one moment in that one place shared only by myself and all the people who attended that night. It's our special connection. There's nothing like the energy, communication and unity that happens through music. Even if you don't speak the same language, you understand music."- Alicia Keys [Reuters]
• Sienna Miller has reportedly reunited with boyfriend DJ Slinky Wizard: "They seemed very much a couple," says a source, "George was talking about how he was excited about their plans for the night." [JustJared]
• Debra Winans is praising Oprah Winfrey after Oprah decided to ban Bebe Winans, Debra's ex-boyfriend, from the show "until his domestic violence case plays out." Debra gave TMZ the following statement: "It further demonstrates the fact that Oprah continues to be a strong voice against domestic violence and that she's willing to take the steps necessary to defend the defenseless." [TMZ]
• And speaking of Oprah, Stephenie Meyer will be stopping by her show on November 13. [StephenieMeyer]
• Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis are set to have a sex scene together in Darren Aronofsky's upcoming film, Black Swan, but Portman says the scene is "not raunchy - it's extreme." Portman also notes that as she gets older, she's more willing to take certain risks on film: "Previously I was figuring out my own sexual identity, likes and dislikes and all that stuff, and it's weird to be doing stuff on film as you're figuring it out. Also, being a sexual object when you're a kid is really uncomfortable. After The Professional, I was already getting creepy letters." [ONTD]
• For no real reason, here is a ridiculous picture of Jon Gosselin doing yoga. [USMagazine]
• Tim McGraw claims that his wife, Faith Hill is the reason he's still alive, and that without her, "I'd be dead. Oh yeah, I would have partied too hard. I might have caught myself somewhere along the way and put the brakes on. I don't know if I would have gone [to rehab]; I don't think I could have been talked into that during those times." [People]
• Police now claim that 19-year-old Rachel Lee was the ringleader of the so-called "Beverly Hills Burglar Bunch," and that her main motivation was, according to her 18-year-old accomplice, Nick Prugo, to "own the designer wardrobes of the Hollywood celebrities she admired." [NYTimes]
• Reeve Carney has been cast in the role of Peter Parker in Broadway's upcoming Spider-Man musical, Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. The show, produced by Bono and directed by Julie Taymor is set to open in 2010. [NYDN]
• Eminem will be back on screen in a new 3-D film called Shady Talez, which, according to Entertainment Weekly, "is described as The Twilight Zone meets Creepshow." [EW]
• "I've met endless so-called beautiful people who don't seem to have personalities or a direction in life. They've never been forced to develop their characters because they're viewed as being so attractive. So I think beauty can be a mask."- Megan Fox [ShowbizSpy]

• Lindsay Lohan is taking legal action against Michael Lohan, who has been talking about kidnapping her and putting her in rehab. Her lawyer says she's seeking a restraining order and may file a defamation lawsuit against him. [TMZ]

• Sales for Chris Brown's comeback tour are pitiful. He used to sell out 20,000 seat arenas, but after tickets went on sale this weekend for 1,000-2,5000 seat venues many are still available. [Perez Hilton]
• At the link is a preview of Chris Brown's MTV interview that airs on Friday (hours before Rihanna's 20/20 interview). Chris says of the assault, "What was I thinking?" [MTV]
• Mariah Carey says she "can't imagine" what Rihanna went through when Chris Brown beat her. "I was very sequestered, as you know, when I first started out and if I were just allowed to be young and with a young boyfriend who's also a star and you know, you're working and you're both — I don't know what goes on," she says. "You know what I mean? So it's like, I wasn't really allowed out of the house, so I can't imagine what she went through." [Us]
• No Doubt is suing the makers of the video game Band Hero because they say they only authorized the use of their likenesses to play three No Doubt songs, but the game has "transformed No Doubt band members into a virtual karaoke circus act" by having them "sing, dance and perform over sixty songs." They're also mad because Gwen Stefani's avatar can sing with a man's voice and perform the song "Honkey Tonk Woman," which has lyrics about sleeping with prostitutes. [TMZ]
• Reps for Josh Duhamel and Fergie deny that he cheated on her saying, "This is not the first nor will it be the last time that a stripper was paid a large amount of money to sell a false story about a celebrity... This story is absolutely ridiculous." [People]
• Britney Spears paid $1.32 million in the past seven months to the lawyers who represented her conservatorship. [TMZ]
• Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are on the cover of Harper's Bazaar (despite him also being on this month's Vanity Fair). Kristen says, "Rob can barely jump rope," and this has inspired her nickname for him. "I call him Flippy because when he does his stunt rehearsals, he flips around," she says, imitating a penguin's walk. "And God, when he tries to run..." She also calls Flippy's singing "heartbreaking." [Us]
• When asked about her romance with Robert Pattinson again, Kristen Stewart told Entertainment Weekly, "I've thought about this a lot... There's no answer that's not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation: ‘Okay, we are. We aren't. I'm a lesbian.' I'm just trying to keep something. If people started asking me if I was dating Taylor, I'd be like ‘Fuck off!' I would answer the exact same way." [Entertainment Weekly]
• Sean Penn's 16-year-old son Hopper Jack won't face drug charges following his arrest last week because police have determined the pills he was carrying were actually prescription medication in his name. [Radar Online]
• Though Winona Ryder recently told BlackBook Magazine that she never got a thank you from Angelina Jolie for getting her the role in Girl, Interrupted that launched her career, Angie did thank her — in her Oscar acceptance speech. [L.A.T.]
• The National Enquirer claims Jennifer Lopez is fighting with her ex-husband Ojani Noa, who wants to release 11 hours of home movies that show her fighting with her mother, "playing sexy bedroom games," and staring at her butt in a mirror. [National Enquirer]
• Penny Marshall has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and secretly underwent brain surgery last week. This story is from the National Enquirer, so hopefully it's not true. [National Enquirer]
• Dennis Hopper says he's being treated prostate cancer with "an experimental thing at USC." He said it's "no big deal" and he "feels great." [TMZ]
• Though Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman say they broke up, they went out to a Manhattan bar on Halloween. "Staff were ordered to keep the fake Jons away from him," said a source. "Someone asked to take a picture but he said he wanted to be left alone. Once the crowds were away he and Hailey looked like a normal couple." [Us]
• Jessica Simpson and Dolly Parton are bonding over their big boobs. Dolly Tweeted: "Aahhh chiropractor... Hurts so good :-) you lug these around and see if your back don't hurt!" Jess replied: "Amen sister :)." [CNN]
• Yet another creditor's claim against Michael Jackson's estate: Atkins Thomson Solicitors in London is asking for $209,204.36 for advising MJ on the sale of Neverland. [TMZ]
• Sadie Frost says of Jude Law, "We're continuing to have a very close relationship and I'm here to support him as a friend. That won't stop. He's a wonderful person and I'll stand by him forever. For all the silliness and difficulties, we've always really cared for each other and we're both a hundred per cent committed to the kids and doing the right thing by them. Everything's fine." [Daily Express]
• The terms of the settlement between Carrie Prejean and Miss California USA have been leaked. The Pageant will pay $100,000 directly to paying her lawyers and publicists, and Carrie gets nothing but the organization's promise not to fight her for writing a book without permission. [TMZ]
• Carrie Prejean was demanding more than a million dollars in her settlement negotiations with Pageant officials, until they revealed that they have a XXX home video of Prejean that has never been released publicly. [TMZ]
• Looks like the lawsuits may be back on. Carrie Prejean's lawyer says she may sue because of the sex tape rumor. "It seems as if someone has acted in an unethical and unlawful manner by even raising this issue," said her lawyer. "We are weighing our options and if this is a breach of contract we are considering suing for punitive damages." [Radar Online]
• Terrence Howard and Taraji P. Henson insist they are not dating. "I've known her too long. She knows what I'm thinking!" says Howard. [Us]
• Frances Bean Cobain threw a tantrum when she found out there was a problem with her train ticket from Boston to New York. A source says: "She caused a huge backup on the line because she refused to pay herself. She was causing a scene and saying her name loudly to the guy behind the counter, but he had no idea who she was. Finally, she got out of line to call her business manager, who paid for her ticket." [Daily Express]
• Katy Perry says she's gotten some tips on hosting the MTV European Music Awards from her boyfriend Russell Brand, who hosted the VMAs. "We're stepping on each others turfs. I've learned a couple of things from Russell over the last months that might not be appropriate for this!" she said. [The Sun]
• Porn star Janine Lindemulder, who is fighting her ex Jesse James and Sandra Bullock over custody of her 5-year-old daughter, says she wants to sit down with Bullock as "two women" because, "It hurts tremendously, the accusation, especially from Sandra... Even more so because we've never sat down and talked. You know, that's the one thing that I wish more than anything, for a remedy for what's happening here, is just communication." [ABC News]
• Liz Hurley has launched a line of organic foods like oat and fruit bars and jerky. "It's compulsory portion control. I've never been able to chop a Jaffa Cake in half and just eat one piece," she said. [Style.com]
• A 27 foot-tall firework-filled effigy of Katie Price will be burned this weekend in England. [The Mirror]
• Robbie Williams says he though he was destined to remain a bachelor until he met American actress Ayda Field. He said: "I thought I was going to be a bachelor ... I was introduced to Ayda and things just changed - she's a wonderful person and I'm in love." [The Mirror]
• David Spade says he doesn't regret resurrecting a scene from Tommy Boy featuring Chris Farley for a DirecTV ad. Chris' brother Kevin Farley added that the commercial is "an honor to my brother." [TMZ]
• Mischa Barton says: "I'm just figuring out what my next move will be and really looking at a lot of different projects and figuring out what I want to do," now that The Beautiful Life has been cancelled. [Us]
• Farrah Fawcett's college boyfriend Greg Lott told Inside Edition that he and Farrah had rekindled their relationship and were together for the last 11 years, but Ryan O'Neal kept him from her funeral. [UPI]
• Jennifer Hudson says she's not done having kids. "Maybe one more. I'd like to have at least one more, a little girl," says Hudson. "I want a girl and then maybe another one. You know, one baby at a time." [People]
• Natalie Portman says of the role of the short shelf life imposed on actresses, "You see people who were stars five years ago and already they're waning... As actresses approach 40, it starts becoming really, really difficult." [People]
• At the link is a short film made by Richard Heene which shows the Henne family driving down a deserted road in a Jeep, and Heene playing the harmonica while a woman dances on the roof of the car." [Radar Online]
• The Kardashians charity boxing event went awry when Rob Kardashian's mask fell off and he had to be taken to the hospital. Kim Kardashian made it out with just a black eye. [E!]
• When Oprah Winfrey asked Hilary Swank if she plans to marry her boyfriend of three years John Campisi she said, "It's not something we're talking about... I don't know. We'll see." [People]
• Ryan Seacrest's production company is developing a show called Bank of Hollywood in which rich Hollywood celebrities will take pitches from ordinary people who need cash, ranging from people raising money for charity to a grad student who can't afford a ring to propose to his girlfriend. "The idea's simple," Seacrest said. "We are giving away tons of money to everyday people to alleviate the stress of today's climate and have fun." [Live Feed]
• When asked if she would like to marry Mel Gibson, Oksana Grigorieva said, "Yes, but right now we're just so happy to be having this child together." [People]
• Debi Mazar says, "Madonna and I have been friends for almost three decades — dear friends... Our children have had play dates, and we will always be friends." [Us]
• Barry Gibb of The Bee Gees says he and his brother Robin Gibb are, "Like a non-violent version of Oasis... The competition between Robin and I is so strong, we both want attention so badly, that it actually brings something better out of both of us. It's like a basketball team, one player is pushing the other to rise to a different level. If I didn't have Robin to compete with, I wouldn't be able to do what I do." [The Telegraph]
• Jeremy Piven's rep says his recent comments on growing man boobs were taken out of context. "[Piven's comment] was taken from a silly Q&A piece that he did for a U.K. [movie] magazine called Empire," said his rep. Piven's rep. "They asked him, 'How much is a pint of milk?' to which he responded, 'I don't have a clue.' He said he used to drink soy milk, found out it had too much estrogen, made a funny remark about growing breasts and that was it." [TV Guide]
• Anti-rape activist Gabrielle Union says of the Richmond gang rape case: "I'm sad more than anything. After googling the gang rape story in Richmond and reading comments on blogs, it just leaves me sickened and really sad. The fact that race and socio-economics have been used to explain away a brutal gang rape...just sad...maybe I just have seen every kind of rapist and survivor...every race, color, religion, socio-economic status group...it's all the same...a lack of regard for violence against women. Tolerated, and in this case encouraged by the mob surrounding the perps...laughing, joking and taking pics." [Shakesville]
• Dustin Hoffman says his favorite memory of the New York Public Library is, "It's the first place I ever got laid... It was in the nonfiction section in 1958." When asked if he was being serious he replied, "I wasn't serious, but she was." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Alec Baldwin said he's heard about less than 5,000 people watching 30 Rock when it premiered in Germany. "It was so low that we didn't even have a rating," he said. "We didn't even get one rating point... We have work to do in Germany." [N.Y.T.]
• Alec Baldwin started a rumor about Julianne Moore guest starring on 30 Rock by saying, "I won't say who it is, but someone very near to us who may be coming on to play my girlfriend for four episodes," while standing near her on the red carpet. [E!]
• Hugh Jackman praised the the two men taking over as Oscar hosts this year, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, saying, "They are both fantastic. Steve actually gave me a lot of funny hints last year ... I rang him and he was really helpful. He is really funny and he knows what he's doing. He's done this before. Alec Baldwin is also a true genius. I think the both of them together have hosted Saturday Night Live like 100 times, so you know they must be funny." [N.Y. Magazine]
• "Living in New York, I feel stronger and more like a woman than ever before. In high school, it was like, what power do I have - I have long blonde hair, you know? But working as hard as I do now, I feel a sense of power and respect, too. And I've learned an incredible amount about fashion on Gossip Girl. Clothes are a personal expression, and my style is as ever-changing as I am: I'm growing, maturing, developing, I'm going through new things in my life, and with that, what I choose to wear changes." — Blake Lively [Just Jared]
• When UK Glamour asked Leighton Meester if she's a "good girlfriend," she said, "I don't know... it's not really the goal of my existence." [ONTD]
• Woody Allen has explained how you can tell whether one of his films is good or bad. "If I look at the film and it's no good, I don't like to give it an aggressive title, I give it ... the kind of title that is low-key and promises nothing, so people are less disappointed by it." As for his next film You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger he says, "Well, that was a very aggressive title, so you can hope that it's a good movie. If I didn't think it was a good film, I would give it a quiet one-word title to deflect attention from it - so now you know the secret." [N.Y. Magazine]

• Hailey Glassman's claim on The Insider that Jon Gosselin emotionally abused her was actually made up by Jon himself. A source said, "Jon and Hailey get paid for their appearances on these shows and they need the money..."

• "It was easy for Hailey to conjure tears, their lives are less than stellar right now, but Jon hasn't abused [her]," continues the source. "Jon doesn't have much money left and he is not currently searching for a real job. Jon still seeks money through his fame and notoriety. He really wants a reality show of his own, and he is stretching out every moment of the drama for a dollar." [Fox News]
• Kate Gosselin says, "When you look around, and very close trusted people who would never cash you in, for lack of better words, and those people do that and people leave your house and tell completely different stories, you tend not to trust people." [People]
• Kate Gosselin was given a speeding ticket for going 15 miles above the speed limit while her kids were in the car on Thursday. She has already paid the $109.50 fine. [TMZ]
• Vibe's new owners are relaunching the magazine, and they're drumming up interest by putting Chris Brown on the cover of the new issue, which comes out on December 8. [AdAge]
• Lindsay Lohan isn't actually trying to get a restraining order against her father, Michael Lohan, but her mother is. Dina has been asking Lindsay's lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, to go to court on Lindsay's behalf, but she keeps telling her Lindsay is an adult and will have to ask for it herself. Holley says Lindsay hasn't told her that she wants a restraining order. [TMZ]
• Courtney Ames, one of the people accused of burglarizing celebrities, is wearing one of Lindsay Lohan's necklaces in a file found on the computer of another alleged burglar. This supports the theory that the burglars were targeting specific items. [TMZ]
• Randy and Evi Quaid skipped two hearings related to their arrest for failing to pay hotel bills last week. The Santa Barbara D.A. said he was going to extradite them from Texas, but now their request to appear in court today has been granted. The D.A. says, "The case has been put on the calendar this morning. They will be held on the $20,000 bail set in the original, and still outstanding, warrant." [Radar Online]
• In Vanity Fair, Robert Pattinson insists he and Kristen Stewart aren't dating but, "It doesn't make any difference what you say," to the tabloids. "I've literally been across the country [from Kristen], and it's like 'Oh, they were on secret dates!' It's like 'Where? I can't get out of my hotel room!'" [People]
• Kristen Stewart is quoted in the Vanity Fair article as saying, "It's so retarded. We're characters in this comic book." [The Telegraph]
• Whitney Houston is selling the New Jersey home she shared with Bobby Brown for $5.6 million. [People]
• Chidi Uzomah, the man arrested for stalking Ryan Seacrest, was taking acting classes and you can check out video of one of his performances here: [TMZ]
• Chidi Uzomah is in the Army Reserves and was trained to be in the Green Berets. An Army spokesman said, "We apologize to Ryan Seacrest. Pending the outcome of the local investigation, the Army will decide what further action to take. We take all matters of our personnel seriously." [TMZ]
• Adam Lambert and boyfriend Drake LaBry officially have split up. "It was mainly because Adam's life is so hectic," says a friend. "He needs to focus on his career right now." [People]
• Audio 4 Video Digital, Inc. has filed a $736,502.59 creditor's claim against Michael Jackson's estate for rented sound recording and audio equipment "in connection with the making of a musical." [TMZ]
• Sidney Lumet will be honored by Italy's Federico Fellini Foundation with a lifetime achievement award on Saturday. [Variety]
• Devendra Banhart, who dated Natalie Portman, says after their breakup they're on "Very good terms. She's one of my best friends. I love her super-much. Super-much." [N.Y. Magazin]
• Though in the past Jessica Simpson has encouraged her Twitter followers to watch her sister Ashlee Simpson-Wentz on Melrose Place, she Tweeted yesterday: "CW catching up on MP.who writes this crap?i have had bad scripts to work with,but this?thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press." [Us]
• Mary Stuart Masterson gave birth to her first son with husband Jeremy Davidson on October 11. [People]
• Nicole Eggert says she didn't realize she'd put on 30 pounds until the tabloids pointed it out. "At first I didn't recognize myself. It said, 'Baywatch Babe.' And then I looked at it, and then I went, 'Oh my God,'" she said. "I went through a really rough time … I lost my father in a really tough battle with cancer, and I also went through a bad relationship." [UPI]
• Sherri Shepherd says she wants the ladies of The View to help her find a husband. She says, "I do trust them. I'm finding that everyone who meets a really good guy was on a blind date. So yeah, I'm ready for the ladies of The View to set me up on a blind date. I even asked Larry King if he knew somebody." [People]
• "Elephants are the most incredible creatures I've ever been around. You're sitting in this water that they poop in, and somehow it's not gross. You're scrubbing the bottom of their feet and behind their ears…" — Blake Lively on riding elephants during her recent vacation to Thailand, India, and the Maldives. [Just Jared]
• Jay Leno says he doesn't know whether David Letterman's sex scandal is helping or hurting Dave. "He's not being a hypocrite; Dave has never set himself up as [a model citizen]," says Jay. "If it were me, it would kill me. I'm the guy who's been married 29 years. But Dave has never pretended to be Mr. Moral America, he's never set himself up that way. He's not a hypocrite. I don't know how it will be viewed. He doesn't do corporate days like me, he's not as advertiser-friendly as I am. I'm the guy when Coke or Pepsi is here, I come down and shake hands and take pictures, but he doesn't do that. I don't think it will have a big effect at all." [Broadcasting Cable]
• Gabourey Sidibe says of meeting Oprah Winfrey while filming Precious, "Unfortunately, I forgot everything about it... It's so weird, because she's such a big deal to me, that when she speaks, I don't hear anything. It's like it's so weird. It's like hysterical blindness in a way. All I can remember is her saying my name over and over, and that can't be right." [AP]
• Julian Casablancas of The Strokes says he decided to stop drinking because it was taking over his life. "I've always worked sober," he said. "Room On Fire [The Strokes' second album]... that was done sober. You know, drinking is what happens once the work is done. It wasn't like I would sit in my room with a guitar and think, 'hey, nothing's happening... let me drink a bottle of whiskey and write a song'." [The Independent]
• Mark-Paul Gosselaar, who is making his theater debut in the off-Broadway show The Understudy says, "A lot of questions my character brings up are some of the questions I had. What's a half-hour call? What's the process of an understudy? So, the understudy is really never gonna go on?' I had the same questions that Jake has in the play. I had to ask what the fourth wall was. The script says, Justin breaks the fourth wall. I said, 'Fourth wall? Where?'" [AP]

I can't tell you how many times I've said, like Portman, "I love food, I love eating, I'm pretty adventurous with different flavors and cuisines, and the one thing is, I'm a vegatarian" — and watched people's faces fall. Being "adventurous" and being vegetarian really aren't mutually exclusive — because cutting out meat forced me to vary my diet more, I now eat a much wider variety of foods than I did when I was omnivorous. And I'm a lot less "picky" than some of my meat-eating friends, many of whom turn up their noses at vegetables — I often say I'll eat anything as long as it isn't meat. As I've written here before, I do eat seafood now, so my family and friends are a little less freaked out, but some omnivores still seem to find my diet mysterious. Yesterday's Top Chef may explain why. Below are four common myths about vegetarian cooking, as illustrated on the show (and yeah, also some spoilers).

— Vegetarian food lacks protein.

Only if you do it wrong — like, say, the hapless Mike, who thought some undercooked leeks shaped like scallops could be a main dish. The point of vegetarian cooking isn't to make food look like meat or shellfish — as in all other cuisines, it's to make delicious and satisfying dishes. And while a vegetarian can get by with a breakfast of fruit or a salad lunch sometimes, everybody needs some protein to feel full and be healthy. Luckily there are a bazillion vegetarian sources of protein. Many vegetarians still eat cheese, eggs, and milk, but for those who don't, there are lots of protein-rich beans, nuts, seeds, and grains, and these can be combined into dishes that are a lot more tasty than some scallop-shaped leeks. For instance, I like to cook up a bunch of quinoa (quite proteiny, and pretty cheap if you can get it in bulk— if you can't, couscous or brown rice would work), add sauteed red peppers, spinach, olives, walnuts, and spices, and then wrap the thing in a tortilla and call it a burrito. I usually add a bunch of goat cheese to this, but for vegans, some truffle oil will do the job, or just plain old olive oil. An important note: mushrooms don't actually have all that much protein, though they often appear in lieu of meat on restaurant menus. Which brings me to my next myth.

— Vegetarians need a "meaty" substitute.

This one has a grain of truth — it is nice to eat something with a little savory, umami flavor, and mushrooms do provide that. I also like soy-based fake meats like MorningStar "bacon" and veggie crumbles for this purpose, even though a lot of vegetarians disdain them. Yes, they're a little pricey and not so great for the environment, but I tend to treat them the same way many cultures treat meat — as a seasoning, not a main dish. A little fakon in chili makes it taste like a whole different dish, which can be good if you're cooking for yourself and end up with a lot of leftovers. But all that said, I was kind of troubled to notice that so many of the chefs rushed for either eggplant or mushrooms to serve as the centerpiece for their dishes. I guess it's a texture thing, but these two foods appeared as the "vegetarian option" in my college dining halls more times than I can count, and while they can be tasty, they're not the be-all and end-all. Vegetarians don't need every meal to include a slab of something meat-like (and unfortunately, those college portobello mushroom sandwiches were often just that: a slab). One of my favorite dishes lately is a bunch of dandelion greens wilted with onions and garlic and olives and rosemary. I usually eat this with scrambled eggs and toast, but vegans could add white beans for an equally tasty protein kick — no meat "substitute" needed. And if you don't have dandelion greens, spinach works.

— Vegetarian food is just a "collection of sides."

Natalie Portman complained that vegetarian options at a restaurant often feel like side dishes, and I see where she's coming from. I don't really have a problem making a meal of sides, especially on Thanksgiving at my grandparents' house (I haven't officially told them I don't eat meat; I'm still letting them process the fact that I work for a "blog"). But sometimes I do want something main-dishy, not just a heap of kale and a bowl of beans and some bread (although this is pretty good). And just because you can't center a vegetarian meal around a hunk of meat doesn't mean you can't center it at all. A good solution to the problem, especially in fall and winter, is roasting, since nothing's more main-dishy than a roast. I like to chop up a bunch of red potatoes, sweet potatoes, green and red peppers, garlic, and onions, and stick them in the oven for an hour with rosemary and feta. Vegans could ditch the feta, add something else for extra flavor (like maybe hot chiles), and serve the whole thing with hummus on the side. This dish is real easy and cheap and great for potlucks.

— Vegetarian food can't be filling.

Kevin won the challenge with his dish of morels and turnips, which Portman and the other judges found both delicious and satisfying. Morels are, as you may know, fucking expensive, but the point is, it's possible to make a vegetarian meal just as filling as a meat-based one. It helps to remember the protein (though Kevin didn't actually seem to include much of that), but it's also important — at least in my view — not to be too afraid of fat. For some people, vegetarianism is synonymous with abstemiousness, and these are the same people who think a vegetarian meal always has to leave you hungry. I'm not saying you have to add a cup of sesame oil to everything (as a vegan housemate of mine used to do before we finally set him straight). I'm just saying that some olive oil, butter, cream, goat cheese, Earth Balance, or even avocado adds flavor and body to a vegetarian meal. For instance, brussels sprouts: they're okay if you boil them, but if you cut them in half and saute them in some butter or Earth Balance (plus garlic and rosemary and pepper), they're way more delicious. I like to eat this with Annie's mac and cheese from the box, which probably would not appear on Top Chef — but that doesn't mean it's not awesome.