• Brad Pitt's mom was supposed to move into the Long Island estate where the posse is staying while Angelina Jolie films Salt, but Angelina has reportedly nixed the idea.

She thinks Brad should be able to handle the kids on his own, like she did when he was filming in Germany, according to a source. No word on what is up with the nanny, but that was a Star story and this is from a different source. [National Enquirer]

• Jen Aniston and John Mayer have indeed broken up. [Gatecrasher]
• It's official: Dancing With The Stars is a goddamn health hazard. Now Steve-O has pinched nerves. [ET]
• Injured Jewel will sing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" on DWTS on Tuesday. [UPI]
• Bong boy Michael Phelps's interview with Matt Lauer will air on the Today show this morning and again Sunday on Dateline. [ET]
• Here's what you're gonna hear Michael Phelps say during the interview: "mistake," "bad judgment," "stupid mistake." Wait, do you regret it? [People]
• Last week, four of the celeb weeklies put Rihanna on the cover, and none of them saw an increase in sales. Life & Style had a picture of Jennifer Aniston on the cover, and sold more than sister mag In Touch. [NY Post]
• Chris Brown's image still appears on Sony Music's website. [NY Daily News]
• Details on Mandy Moore's wedding to Ryan Adams: The bride wore a "cream-colored, lacy tea-length dress and flat sandals" and the groom wore "tight skinny jeans, a T-shirt with sport coat and sneakers." The pastor "didn't know who they were." The ceremony took eight minutes. [People]
• The woman is dead but Anna Nicole Smith's legal issues live on: Now Howard K. Stern has turned himself in for providing ANS with prescription drugs. He was arrested and booked yesterday and the charge is a felony. [TMZ, People, Fox 411]
• This report begins, "Let's stop encouraging Joaquin Phoenix's miscreant behavior - the only thing real about this rap act is the beard." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Joaquin's "brawl": "It was a fake fight," says a witness. "Nobody threw a punch. They were just holding onto each other." [Page Six]
• Here's what Hayden Panettiere has to say about that "outburst" she had on the red carpet: "I have tremendous respect for the media and reporters – particularly the press who treat the people they are interviewing with dignity. While in Hawaii, one reporter grabbed me suddenly from behind and frightened me. It happens. Typically, the press has treated me with great respect." [Ok!]
  
• Will Slumdog's Freida Pinto be the new Bond girl? Signs point to yes. [The Sun]
• Kelly Killoren Bensimon may have "beaten up" her boyfriend to make sure she stays on Real Housewives. People are saying the attack was fake. [Gatecrasher]
• Someone is leaving House. Who, who? Also, Judy Greer is in an episode next week. She says: "[My character] works at a nursing home and there's a cat, and whoever's bed the cat sleeps on dies in the next couple of days. And then one day the cat snuggled up to my character and she totally freaks out and goes to see House..." [E!]
• Miley Cyrus wanted to meet Radiohead after the Grammys. She was told they "don't do that." She says: "I left 'cause I was so upset. I wasn't going to watch them. Stinkin' Radiohead! I'm going to ruin them. I'm going to tell everyone." Radiohead responds: "When Miley grows up, she'll learn not to have such a sense of entitlement." [Mirror]
• Feel like doing a *headdesk*? Peaches Geldof will be in a reality show about her "career" at Nylon magazine. [The Sun]
• No one wants you to forget that auction documents show that Michael Jackson's house was filled with sculptures of boys. [TMZ]
• Mischa Barton has a job! She's been cast in a CW show produced by Ashton Kutcher. "Ashton developed it about his life growing up as a model from Iowa, so it's about the whole fashion world that he was in, and obviously I have a lot of friends in the fashion world, so I'm used to being around a lot of people in that," Barton says. "[I play] a bitchy model-type character, like it's a totally different character for me." [People]
• Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson did an SNL skit about Hawaii's tourist industry and now the Governor of that state is pissed. [CBS News]
• Congrats to Cesar Milan, the dog whisperer, who is now a U.S. citizen. [People]
• Hugh Hefner is selling his house. Not the Playboy Mansion — the one next door, where his wife was living. [WSJ]
• OutKast's André Benjamin says it's tough being a fashion designer because people think "hip-hop stars will just throw their names on anything." And: "I'm not a gay man." [Page Six]
• Set your DVR: Tracy Pollan (Mrs. Michael J. Fox) is playing Natalee Holloway's mom in a Lifetime movie. [USA Today]
• Nicollette Sheridan could return to Desperate Housewives after she leaves this season. The show's creator says: "I wouldn't be surprised if that's just a nasty rumour and Nicollette has more Desperate Housewives episodes in her future." [Mirror]
• Vin Diesel says his life has changed in "an incredible way" since the birth of his daughter last year. [Mirror]
• Chris Cornell not only has a new Timbaland-produced album coming out, he has a second career as a restauranteur. In Paris. [Guardian]
• A screenwriter is suing the makers of the Jane Fonda/Jennifer Lopez flick Monster-In-Law, accusing them of stealing her plot. Sorta late, no? [E!]
• Researchers with too much time on their hands have "discovered" that if you listen to U2, you're smart, and if you listen to Lil Wayne, you're not. [The Sun]
• Whatever happened to Mary Stuart Masterson? She's in a new indie called The Cake Eaters. [LA Times]
• Least blind blind item ever? "Which rapper threatened a pal after the buddy mistreated his girlfriend? The icon got in his face, then froze him out on the group's private jet." [Gatecrasher]
• "I certainly try my best not to be a terrible interview subject. But I am tortured. If you've been acting all your life, you can just talk about yourself without ever thinking about what's going on inside the head of the person that's interviewing you. But for me it's different, because I'm constantly seeing it from both sides. I don't think there's any connection between my journalism career and my film career." — Greg Kinnear. [Independent]
• "I think that the best way to judge movies is, like, 10 years after they're released. I think they should actually do the awards that way. I think they should have done the Academy Awards this year for movies from 1998. I think it's better to look at a movie and then step back and look at it again. I don't think that the awards necessarily get it right. I think they get it wrong more often than they get it right." — Matt Damon, to Parade. [MSNBC]
• "For me this thing happened so long ago and I just really wish people could move on from it. I don't live in the past. When I read headlines about me saying 'When she was 15 her mother shot her father' it's very sensational for me.It happened 18 years ago. Since then I've had a complete, full life and, my God, if I've been living the past 18 years in the past because of one event that happened in my life someone should put a gun to my head and put me out of my misery because that's a waste of my life. I am 33 and I have had a much bigger life than that one event." — Charlize Theron. [Daily Mail]
• "I'm probably a lot more boring than I used to be and more tired at night. You can't fake it. It's like when it's bedtime, it's bedtime. I go to bed earlier and I get up earlier. I think being a parent changes everything about you in really little ways and in ways that you don't really understand unless you have kids. It's kind of like describing a guitar chord - it's not really a simple thing to do." — Matt Damon, to Parade. [Mirror]
• "Before we were married, my wife and I used to play a game called Let's Go Get Lost. We'd be driving, and she would just tell me to turn. 'Turn here, turn here, turn here.' I'd say, 'Baby, I know this town too well. I can't get lost.' And she'd say, "Turn, turn, turn." Until we were out in Indian country, and they were shooting at us." — Tom Waits. [GQ]
• "I'm kind of frightened of the red carpet. I really am. And, you know, it gets worse. At one time, you could just come down the line, meet the fans, see the film and hopefully a good night is had by all. It's changed. You have people checking out your dress from the minute you step onto the carpet and then, you know, it's a hit or miss. That can be more frightening than the premiere." — Julia Roberts. [CBS News]
• "I'm currently in the writing process. I'm learning how to play music and write song, but they're comedy songs. Because I can't write music or play very well - actually, I have quite a bit of musical aptitude when it comes to the guitar, but I don't know how to write music - I'm collaborating with different artists who are giving me the music while I provide the lyrics. Two of the people I'm collaborating with will be performing with me at SXSW - Patty Griffin and Amanda Palmer [of the Dresden Dolls]. [The songs] are all pretty dirty. The titles are things like, 'I'm In Love With Someone Else So Fuck You' and 'Eat Shit and Die.'" — Margaret Cho, who is performing at SXSW… as a musician. [Time]

• A sixth-grader in Lawrence, Kansas, has successfully overturned his school's ban on hedgehogs. • A young woman in Papua New Guinea has been burned to death for her suspected involvement with sorcery. • Aruban prosecutors have announced that they are nearing the end of the Natalee Holloway case, and ask for anyone with information to come forward. • Brazilian-made diet pills may cause chest pains and other serious health risks, new study says. • A former luxury jet pilot has been accused of sexually harassing several blonde stewardesses. • In a recent interview, Janeane Garofalo talks about the odd comments she receives on the street: "People say a lot actually, 'No offense, but you look like Janeane Garofalo.' Or 'I don't mean to offend you, but you look like Janeane Garofalo.' I never really know how to respond to that: 'None taken?'" • A breast-milk bank has been set up in the UK to provide mothers who are too ill to breastfeed with fresh milk (and its beneficial antibodies) for their babies. They are currently accepting donations. • A woman who admits to hitting a child molester with a baseball bat is now facing up to eight months in prison. • A 21-year-old woman was the most recent victim of her own stupidity: after trashing her ex-boyfriend's apartment, and telling the ex that he would never be able to prove it was her, she posted pictures of the damage on MySpace. •

• Cops believe that the robbers are also responsible for burglaries at the upscale homes of "Paramount Pictures chief Sherry Lansing and her Oscar-winning director husband, William Friedkin, Clippers basketball star Cuttino Mobley, Duran Duran guitarist John Taylor and his wife, Juicy Couture President Gela Nash-Taylor, and country music stars Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. [LAT]
• And now, here is a stoner soliloquy from the Bard, Woody Harrelson: "A new day, trembling with potential / I am the potentiate, and my life is equal to the task of living of loving, of moving my love"—that's my name for Laura, "my love"—"Yesterday I wallowed in me-hood, following a well-worn path / Today, I jump from bridges, dance on tiny windowsills high above the ubiquitous crowd of unsuspecting faces / Combative. Angry. Hostile. Those were the bedrock of this body's previous tenant and now I, nameless, unnameable, ergo mysterious, incorrigible, march to the musical manifestations, the bass and harp of distant angels, calling me with their many magnificent mouths: Dance, creature! Put down your pen, lift up your limbs, and dance to greet another golden morning." [Esquire]
• Fergie and Josh Duhamel will wed in January! Apparently Nicole Kidman and Kate Hudson will be in attendance. Let's hope Fergie pees before she gets strapped into her gown! [Popdirt]
• Here's a list of Mark Ronson's 99 favorite bands. Now I don't have to be embarrassed about loving Ben Folds anymore, because he's Ronson-approved! [ Guardian]
• Sarah Jessica Parker has spoken to Sex and the City costar Jennifer Hudson, and Parker says, "The little bit that I would share is just that I think she's surviving. I don't know how a person navigates anything like this. And I think nobody is prepared for something like this. But she is incredibly strong. She is a woman of faith. And I think she is figuring out. I can't imagine what it must be like for her." [Daily Express]
• If you want to remember Britney in happier, pre-fame days, check out this cutie audition she did as a wee one. [this cutie audition tape]
• Dustin Hoffman asked for the theater he donated money to build at Santa Monica College to name a bathroom after him. His wish was granted! Who doesn't want to pee in Dustin Hoffman's room? [EW]
• There's a rumor going around that Pete Doherty destroyed one of his arteries through too much intravenous drug use. At least there were no kittens involved this time. [Dlisted]
• If you were looking for more insight into Tara Reid's recent entrance into rehab, try this: "She becomes erratic and is a completely different person when she's intoxicated, which is hard for people close to her to watch." Maybe it would also be good for her if those people close to her stopped talking to celebrity rags? Just sayin'. [People]
• Billie Jean is just a girl who says…she wants £668 million from Michael Jackson. "Billie Jean Jackson alleges she is the mother of the singer's son Prince Michael Jackson II, nicknamed Blanket. The woman demands £668 million in support payment, as well as joint legal and physical custody of the six-year-old." Doesn't sound like a fake nuisance lawsuit at all, no sir. [ Daily Express]
• Now that Debra Winger has returned to the silver screen with critical fave Rachel Getting Married, she's answering questions about the Rosanna Arquette documentary Searching For Debra Winger. “I told her she didn’t need my permission because my name is public domain," the notoriously salty star says. "I understand that it was a lovely film but I decided that I wouldn’t see it so that I wouldn’t have to comment on it. It was deeply embarrassing because after I had spent eight years seeking some amount of obscurity, in one fell swoop she obliterated that possibility by putting my name in the title.” [Telegraph]
• Tracy Pollan, the actress best known for being married to Michael J. Fox, will star in a Lifetime movie about Natalie Holloway. She'll play Natalie's mom, Beth Twitty, in The Natalee Holloway Story. The movie is based on the real life Beth Twitty's book Loving Natalee: A Mother's Testament of Hope and Faith, which in our opinion is a much better Lifetime movie name. [ PR Wire]

Peter de Vries, the investigative reporter responsible for last year's tapes of van der Sloot admitting to a "friend" that he knew exactly how Natalee died and what had happened to her body (statements he later denied, insisting he was only telling his friend "what he wanted to hear") is premiering a second video tonight, and this time, van der Sloot is shown in a Dutch hotel room, explaining "how he supplies girls for 10,000 euros each, who work for 300 dollars a month in Dutch brothels," van der Sloot apparently thought he was discussing his business with a "Dutch Sex Entrepreneur," who was, in actuality, working for de Vries.

Which brings us to this question: if this is true, how the hell does Joran van der Sloot keep getting away with shit like this? I know his father is a powerful judge, and I know the family is quite well off, financially, but the fact that van der Sloot continues to be caught in these incredibly shady situations, making confessions on camera and being taped while performing illegal activities in hotel rooms and still walks about freely, says a lot more about society itself than it does about the sociopathic tendencies of van der Sloot.

de Vries is airing this evidence on television, seemingly to let the public be the judge. Where do we draw the line with this case? Where do we finally say, "Hey, this tape needs to be Exhibit A in court, not a ratings booster on a Sunday night?" Or is de Vries' desire to air his tapes a result of worldwide frustration with this young man, that the authorities seem to let him slip out of their hands too often, and that only by public outrage will anything be done? And if so, as guilty as we may think van der Sloot is, is this a modern witchhunt, or is it a public service?

Millions of people go missing each year; we know why Natalee's disappearance gained more attention than others. But if these tapes are true, then it's not just Natalee's life who was affected in some way by this man, it's the lives of many, many other women, which is genuine cause for concern. Though we may never know what happened in Aruba, if nothing else, perhaps the airing of these tapes will save other women, before it's too late.

Holloway Suspect Now Caught Women-Trafficking By Undercover Reporter [NIS]
Meet the Man Who Got Van Der Sloot to Talk About Holloway's Disappearance [ABC News]

Baynes explores how the media create a Missing White Women brand, "an echo effect across a variety of media platforms that actually sell these women’s tragic stories." (Interestingly, he cites People magazine as the "jump off" point between tabloid and "legitimate" news, because it is owned by Time Warner, which also owns CNN.) He links the phenomenon back to the Perils of Pauline, a serialized silent film with weekly cliffhangers in which its white heroine hung off actual cliffs. Baynes says that "the anxiety over white women resonates in our culture," perhaps because white women are put on a pedestal while women of color have historically been "exoticized and exploited." Baynes quotes Catherine McKinnon on "the white women stereotype":

The creature is not poor, not battered, not raped (not really), not molested as a child, not pregnant as a teenager, not prostituted, not coerced into pornography, not a welfare mother and not economically exploited. She doesn’t work. [...] she manipulates white men’s very real power with the lifting of her very manicured little finger…She flings her hair, feels beautiful all the time...can’t do anything, doesn’t do anything, doesn’t know anything…

Baynes argues that American culture feels the need to protect (or pretend to protect) such artificially pristine women, especially from "the threats of men of color." And this desire for protection equals ratings! Baynes cites speculations that the "soap opera" of the missing white woman allows us to escape from scary real news, like the war in Iraq. There's little question that focusing on Natalee Holloway rather than Abu Ghraib makes us dumber (unless of course we're her family, or the cops investigating her case). It probably also makes us more racist. So is the solution a return of the Fairness Doctrine? Do we need the FCC to step in and enforce important news? How will they decide what's important? And, raised on a diet of Missing White Girl Scout cookies, will we even watch it?

Leonard M. Baynes, “White Women In Peril On Broadcast And Cable Television News” [Feminist Law Professors]
White Women In Peril On Broadcast And Cable Television News [Full Paper]

More incriminating information: Cindy Anthony called the cops about her missing granddaughter because she found Casey's car and it stank of " a dead body in the damn car"; a neighbor said Casey tried to borrow a shovel in mid-June; Casey said she left Caylee with a nanny before she disappeared, but no one has lived in the address she gave for the nanny for several months; Casey has shown almost no emotion throughout this entire ordeal.

And now, more on that potential adoption. Apparently the then 19-year-old Casey wanted to give Caylee up for adoption when she was born, but her mother wouldn't let her. Casey's high school friend, Kiomare Torres Cruz, wanted to adopt Caylee, but Cruz told police that after Casey agreed to the adoption, "she called me back saying that her mom pretty much has told her that no, she needs to keep the baby and that she's not giving it up for adoption. Even though she really did not want to have the baby."

Casey's mother, Cindy, has been almost as consistently, publicly bizarre as her potentially homicidal daughter. First of all, Cindy has been a fixture on cable news and morning talk shows since Caylee's disappearance, seemingly eating up the press. It must be noted, however, that this is precisely the kind of story cable news networks eat up during those slow summer news doldrums (see the frantic coverage of Natalee Holloway's disappearance in 2005). Although she's been public with her mistrust of Casey, Cindy is still allowing Casey to stay at the family home, where she is equipped with a lojack and biding her time. A detective said to Casey recently, "Everything you've told us is a lie. Every single thing."

Court Documents: Mom Of Missing Fla. 3-Year-Old Tried To Give Girl Up For Adoption Years Ago [AP via Newser]
Caylee Mystery Captures Public's Imagination [CNN]
Caylee's Mom Leaves Jail, Pleads Not Guilty [CNN]
Caylee Anthony Wasn't A Child Who Was Wanted, Court Records Show [Orlando Sentinel]

Earlier: Natalee Holloway's Mom On New Video: "Look What They've Done"

Journalist Claims To Crack Holloway Case [NBC News]

So in keeping with the theme of this fake newspaper, the back of the menu had a weather report, that also included four reasons why you should go to Carlos 'n Charlie's. Check out #4: "You're daughter could be here."

So. Fucked. Up. Particularly because that place is known because of Holloway's disappearance. Also, Carlos 'n Charlie's was one of the main contributors to the reward fund for Holloway's safe return. Was that just another way to get some publicity out of her probable rape and murder? I'm all for off-color jokes, but you know, in private or behind people's backs. This just struck me as totally tasteless. But you know, I was still hungry, and we were there and all, so I ordered the nachos. They were only so-so.

Natalee Case In Court Today [NY Post]

This news comes on the heels of new developments in the Natalee Holloway case, which still remains the mother of all missing white woman news stories. The three suspects who were originally detained in the Holloway case, Aruban brothers Deepak and Satish Kalpoe and Netherlands native Joran van der Sloot, have been arrested again as "new material in the investigation" has surfaced. The trio were the last people to see Natalee alive and will appear in front of an Aruban court today. Natalee's dad is also attempting to search for her body, telling the AP that he thinks Natalee's "body was thrown into deep water that has not been adequately searched." We really hate to break it to a grieving father, but it's been over two years since Natalee went missing. Her body, if it was buried at sea, was fish food a long time ago.

Finally: An update in the investigation of alleged murderess, Amanda "Foxyknoxy" Knox. The day after she killed roommate Meredith Kercher in Perugia, Italy, in the midst of what is believed to be an "'extreme' sex game," Amanda Knox bought panties with her boyfriend and fellow murder suspect Raffaele Sollecito (whose name we keep confusing with Anne Hathaway boyfriend, real estate crook Raffaello Follieri). Anyway! The day after Kercher's death, Knox bought two g-strings and told Sollecito in front of the shopkeeper, "After I get you back home, we are going to have wild sex."

Suspects in Holloway Case To Appear In Aruba Court Friday [CNN]
Letter To Suspect Says Missing Illinois Woman Spotted [CNN]
Knox 'bought underwear after Meredith murder [Telegraph]
Mississippi College Student Missing For A Week [Concrete Loop]

Earlier: What Do You Do With The "Missing White Girl" Story?
Don't Hate Alleged Murderess Because She's "Ivory Soap Ad" Beautiful
Media Glare Often Reflects Off Skinny White Women

• Need a date? Having a missing and/or murdered child just might be the matchmaking trick to try! JonBenet Ramsay's father John and Natalee Holloway's mother Beth are dating. We're too traumatized by this news to comment further. [FoxNews]
  
• OK, so the National Jewish Medical Research Center says that test results from the dude with TB show that he's "relatively noncontagious." We remain skeptical [That'd be Gerson, btw. -Ed.], but we assume our neurotic Jewish brethren wouldn't be saying this unless they were like super super sure. [CNN]
  
• More medical news: Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome (SADS) is taking a rapid and violent toll on the under-35 population in the UK. Great, something new for us to convince ourselves we have... [BBC]
  
• But if TB or SADS doesn't kill us, Russian missiles will. Cold War: Take 2! [NYT]

• More depressing than any of the above possible causes of death is the thought of Rosie O'Donnell chronicling her year on The View. Just when we start to move forward in our mourning process, the wounds are re-opened. [USA Today]
• Angelina Jolie (it's her birthday today by the way) gets a tat for not-hubby Brad Pitt. Angie! Do you not read magazines??? You and Brad are totes on the brink of breaking up! Now's not the time to start inscribing yet another ex's name on your body! [Yeeeah!]
• Angie's brother/lover James Haven explains that his sis isn't scary thin because she's pro-ana, but because running all over the world collecting babies made her feel guilty about going to a restaurant and ordering food. Obviously. [Star]
• 11 U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]