• Chris Brown whined to Vibe about how Oprah Winfrey treated him after he assaulted Rihanna saying, "I didn't get a call from them or anything. I felt embarrassed, but at the same time I felt stabbed in the back."

• He continues: "Ok, Oprah you have so much power and people really listen to what you say. You don't know anything that went down and you jump to conclusions and start bringing people on the set that have no similarities to me other than a domestic dispute. And then compare them to me when she's around me and knows me. She could have called me and been like, 'Chris, let me get you on my show and I'm going to do this kind of segment.'" As for BET: "The BET Awards was horrible. I was watching it, holding my face like, ‘Oh my God this is wack'... They were so bent on not getting me there that they messed up their own show." The new issue, which mark's Vibe's relaunch, features Chris on one cover and Drake (who was linked to Rihanna in May) on the other. And to answer Chris's question, yes, we "r still down" about domestic violence. [BET]
• Tiger Woods' wife Elin Nordegren has moved out of their home, according to nosy neighbors. Sources say she's living nearby, but Tiger and his reps are keeping her move secret and trying to convince her to move back into their house. [Radar Online]
• Sources say Tiger Woods continued pursuing Rachel Uchitel after his Thanksgiving weekend car crash, texting her repeatedly and telling her he wanted to find a way to see her. [TMZ]
• A source claims Tiger Woods hasn't appeared in public recently because Elin Nordegren broke his tooth. "Elin confronted him about texting Rachel Uchitel and flew into a rage," said the source. "She apparently threw the phone at his mouth and broke one of his teeth... Elin then grabbed a golf club and chased him around the house, doing tens of thousands of dollars in damage. He ran out to the car barefoot to get away from her and was in such a state of panic that he crashed." [Star]
• Reports that Tiger Woods' mother-in-law Barbro Holmberg was at the scene of the crash are untrue. She just arrived in the U.S. this weekend. [TMZ]
• A source says when Tiger Woods was taken to the hospital after the crash, he had to be admitted directly to the intensive care unit so he could be intubated and have his breathing stabilized. Though his neighbor reported that he was asleep and snoring on his lawn, a source says "that was the sound of an airway that wasn't stable." [MSNBC]
• According to new documents, the Florida Highway Patrol wanted to do a blood test on Tiger Woods because a "witness" (probably Elin), "stated that the driver had consumed alcohol earlier in the day and the same witness removed the driver from the vehicle after the collision." The request was denied and the police determined alcohol wasn't a factor. [TMZ]
• Lindsay Davenport, who is a friend of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren, says the media's "insinuation that [Elin] would be aggressive or attacking is just preposterous. ... She always handles herself with class." [ET]
• Tiger Woods posted another apology on his website today — to his sponsors, not his wife. He wrote: "As the final round of the Chevron World Challenge begins, I would like to extend my heartfelt thank you to everyone affiliated with the event, especially our amazing title sponsor, Chevron." [TMZ]
• BREAKING: Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren had a meeting yesterday with a man wearing a suit. [TMZ]
• Ashley Dupre, the former escort who slept with former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, weighed in on the Tiger Woods scandal for no apparent reason. She says of the women coming forward about their affairs with Tiger, "I don't agree with that they're doing. I don't agree with coming forward," but adds, "When you sleep with a married man... first of all, you're only helping them stay married." [Extra]
• Mindy Lawton, one of Tiger Woods alleged mistresses, was charged with felony DWI in January for rear ending a car that hit another car and failing a sobriety test. [TMZ]
• According to this guide in People, Tiger Woods may have as many as 12 mistresses, including porn star Holly Sampson, an "Anonymous Florida Cougar," and "Trailer Trash Orlando Neighbor." Okay. [People]
• Yes, it can get worse: One of Tiger Woods' mistresses contacted Playgirl with an offer to sell pictures of his penis that she took on her cell phone. [Perez Hilton]
• Michelle Duggar, who is pregnant with her 19th child, was rushed to the hospital this weekend. "Michelle Duggar was admitted to an Arkansas hospital due to gallbladder issues," says a TLC rep. "The pain from a gallstone was generating some contractions... Though there were some fears that the baby was in trouble initially, it soon was discovered to be solely the gallstone causing the discomfort. Michelle is resting comfortably, and the baby is doing fine." [People]
• Alexa Ray Joel is doing better after being hospitalized for a suicide attempt or "reaction to herbal medication." Her rep says, "She is feeling much better. She is with her family and looking forward to getting back on track... I want to thank everyone for their outpouring of love and support." [People]
• Pete Doherty was arrested outside a bar in Germany for throwing a pint glass at a parked car, smashing the back window. The bartender said: "He was drinking shots and constantly asking where to get cocaine." [Ireland Online]
• Russell Brand says Katy Perry has helped him settle down. "It was a deep craving within me – I mistook it for lust," he said. "I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough – to get the right one. I'm ever so happy." As for marriage, he said, "I don't know, get married, you say? That would be good, isn't it? I want to have children – that would be good." [People]
• Though Nas admitted he'd been smoking weed and failed several sobriety tests when he was pulled over for DUI in September he says, "You know what it is ... profiling man ... but you, they can't stop a good man from shining, man." [TMZ]
• Heidi Androl of The Apprentice was pulled over for DUI around 3 a.m. because someone called the police to report that she was driving only 35 on the California Freeway. She performed "poorly" on several field sobriety tests. [TMZ]
• Chaz Bono and his girlfriend Jennifer Elia bought children's books at Kitson for Kids this weekend, so Jennifer must be pregnant. [Perez Hilton]
• Andrew McCarthy is going to direct an episode of Gossip Girl in the spring. He says the show's stars are different from the Brat Pack because, "They are much more savvy than we were... We were just a bunch of dumb kids running around." [People]
• Eminem's new song "Elevator," Includes this line: "Sorry, Lance, Mr. Lambert, and Aiken ain't gonna make it/ They get so mad, when I call them both fake/ It's all these fucking voices in my head, I can't take it." It seems tame for him, but he pronounces "fake it's" as "faggots." Adam Lambert Tweeted: "Wow, Eminem mentioned me in a song?! I must be doing something right!? Even if he used the 'F word,'" Clay Aiken and Lance Bass haven't responded. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Sadie Frost says she doesn't know or care if Jude Law and Sienna Miller are back together: "I don't really know what the situation is, because it doesn't affect me. They're in the same circles, I'm sure they're friends, it's not my business to ask." [Telegraph]
• South Africans are mad that Jennifer Hudson has been cast as Winnie Madikizela-Mandela in an upcoming film instead of a native actress. In a press conference, the president of the Creative Workers Union of South Africa said, "We want to develop our own Hollywood, and yet we keep bringing in imports." [Times Online]
• A couple from Michigan was arrested for allegedly blackmailing John Stamos for $700,000 and threatening to release photos of Stamos from a 2004 party that would "hurt his reputation." [The Smoking Gun]
• According to an account posted on Weezer's website, their tour bus crashed early yesterday morning in upstate New York when the bus slid on black ice and dropped about 10 feet into a ditch. Rivers Cuomo cracked three ribs, but thankfully his wife and baby, who were also on the bus, were uninjured. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Al Pacino will play Shylock in Shakespeare in the Park's production of The Merchant of Venice this summer. He previously played Shylock in a 2004 film. [NYT]
• American Family Insurance has taken a cue from Domino's and pulled it's ads from the MTV show Jersey Shore. "After seeing this show over the weekend, had we known the content, we would not have placed our ads on this show," said a rep. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston hosted a party for 100 friends and employees at her house on Sunday. "Jen loves Christmas, and her house was festively decorated with a huge tree, twinkling Christmas lights and fragrant flower arrangements," says a guest. [People]
• There was speculation that Morrissey cut short a concert in Las Vegas because he was offended by drunken audience member vomiting and brawling, but he cancelled a concert the next day because he had "blown out his voice." [Daily Express]
• Jenny McCarthy says she's excited that Jim Carrey's daughter Jane Carrey is expecting a baby. "I think he's going to make the world's best [grandfather] because he is so animated," said Jenny. "I also think I am going to rock as the grandma. I love her and I am excited about this baby." [People]
• Eddie Vedder and Jill McCormick, the mother of his two daughters, got engaged this weekend. [E!]
• Jenna Fischer announced that her wedding to Lee Kirk will take place next summer in L.A. "We just got our save the date cards in, and they're adorable – after many hours and many proofs later," Fischer says. "We're going to hold them until after the holidays before sending them out so they don't get lost in the holiday mail. They were fun to pick out and [it] was a very fun girlie experience to touch the paper." [People]
• Padma Lakshmi spoke about suffering from endometriosis at MIT, where researchers are developing new treatments for the illness. "I guard my privacy closely, and it seems contradictory when I'm standing here, talking about my period," she said. "But you always have to remember the greater goal. What's more important — my privacy, or the lives of women? I chose the latter." [Reuters]
• The Bonnie Hunt Show has been cancelled. [Perez Hilton]
• Brian Bonsall, who played Andy on Family Ties, was arrested this weekend for allegedly hitting his friend in the face with part of a bar stool. There was already a bench warrant out for his arrest from a 2007 assault charge. [TMZ]
• Michelle Rodriguez says working on Avatar was "like working on Star Wars — the first one. You know how now you watch Star Wars [Episode I in 1999] and you're like 'I could've rented or bought the video game then I'd be in control of what's happening' — because everything's so digital and it doesn't feel real. But you watch the first one [Episode IV in 1977] and I don't know how you feel, but I wonder, 'Why does this feel so much greater than the digitized world he [George Lucas] created now?' And I realize it's because of the props. And that's the kind of live-action world that [James Cameron] created." [L.A. Times]
• Glee's Mark Salling says, "I hate the mohawk... It was cool for a while, but I've had it for like a year, you know I'm kind of over it. I feel better when I don't have it." [People]
• Reese Witherspoon says she's forgiven British Prime Minister Gordon Brown for mistaking her for Renee Zellweger last week when she spoke to Parliament about domestic violence. Reese said: "She's lovely and she's short and blond and southern. So I understand! She actually called up a (mutual) friend of ours and said she'd heard about it (Brown's mistake) - it happens all the time. I have a dog and I took the dog to the vet, and they said, 'No no, we're waiting for Renee Zellweger's dog' and I said, 'Actually this is my dog.' Everybody gets us confused a lot. But there's worse people to be confused with other than a lovely actress!" [Daily Express]

• Marilyn Manson revealed in an interview that he and Evan Rachel Wood are back together. Evan — When a guy violently beats and murders your look-alike in a music video, that's a deal breaker.

• In an interview with the music site Metal Hammer, Manson volunteered: "I'm not afraid to be me... Sometimes you feel awkward being what you're best at, you feel like you have to be something new. But I think that a lot of people will agree that me being me at my best [is what] I need to be. I think that that really paid off because I'm back with Evan, that's kind of breaking news, you can be the first one to say that." ? [Metal Hammer]
• Rachel Uchitel, who initially denied that she had an affair with Tiger Woods, announced that she was holding a press conference today to "make a statement about [her] relationship with Tiger Woods," but then cancelled it at the last minute due to what her lawyer called "unforeseen circumstances." [Extra]
• Rachel Uchitel canceled the press conference after a night of phone calls between her team and Tiger Woods' representatives. Uchitel reportedly has hundreds of messages from their five-month relationship. [Radar Online]
• Some sources say Tiger Woods offered Rachel Uchitel money for her silence, but TMZ says "we have no knowledge one way or the other." [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods' childhood friend, who is now the president of Tiger Woods Design, bought a plane ticket for Rachel Uchitel to go to Australia last month for a rendez-vous with Tiger. [TMZ]
• Jaimee Grubbs says that during one of her encounters with Tiger Woods he "told me he had done a workout and he was going to do another workout for legs... I said, 'For someone who works out a lot, you sure have small calves!' I remember him giving me the biggest death look. He told me he was very insecure about the size of his calves. He said, 'I can't grow calves.' And I was like, 'Okay, sorry!'" [Us]
• According to new audio tapes released by the Florida Highway Patrol, Tiger Woods was snoring when his neighbor, Jarius Lavar Adams, approached him after his car accident last week. Adams said Woods was bleeding a little from his lower lip but did not smell of booze. [TMZ]
• Another woman has come forward claiming she had an affair with Tiger Woods, bring the grand total to four. "Jenny" called the Bubba The Love Sponge radio show and claimed that she's been seeing him on and off for a year and can prove it because he has an identifiable mole on his left butt cheek. [Perez Hilton]
• Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood was arrested in London last night on suspicion of assaulting his 21-year-old girlfriend Ekaterina Ivanova and released on bail. His rep says: "I can confirm that there was an incident last night and that Ronnie Wood was arrested ... we have no further statement to make at this time." [TMZ]
• Ronnie Wood's 23-year marriage to Jo Wood collapsed after he began dating Ivanova. Their divorce was finalized last month. [AP]
• Sources say Ronnie Wood slapped Ekaterina Ivanova to the ground, then pulled her hair outside a restaurant at 11:30 pm and a restaurant worker called the police. An eyewitness says: "I think they were arguing about her not wanting to go home. He hit her and she was screaming that she didn't want to go with him." [The Mirror]
• It looks like Gwyneth Paltrow will sing again in her new film. She's playing a fallen country-western singer in the new film Love Don't Let Me Down, which is being produced by Tobey Maguire and also stars Tim McGraw and Leighton Meester. [Perez HIlton]
• Johnny Depp is in talks to star as Pancho Villa in the biopic Seven Friends of Pancho Villa and the Woman With Six Fingers. [Variety]
• Roman Polanski has been moved from jail to an undisclosed location for "security reasons and personal protection" according to Swiss officials, but is still expected to be taken to his chalet in Gstaad tomorrow. [AP]
• A judge has dismissed Jordan's Scott's copyright infringement claim against Stephenie Meyer because he says Breaking Dawn and Scott's 2006 vampire novel The Nocturne have little in common and the "characters in the two works are vastly different." [Publishers Weekly]
• Hayden Panettierre, who is 20, was spotted carrying a case of Coors Light into her friend's house. [Perez Hilton]
• Jennifer Lopez says she has a "bruised bone" from slipping during her performance at the AMAs. She told Ellen DeGeneres, "What happened was one of the dancers' backs was slippery from sweat and lights and everything. We never bargained for that because they always had T-shirts on in rehearsal. So they were barebacked, didn't have shirts on for the performance, and when I stepped on their backs my feet got wet. So when I landed. it just slipped from under me." [People]
• Nas was arrested for DUI near his home in Georgia in September. [TMZ]
• Nas' DUI case was dismissed because there wasn't enough evidence. Though he admitted to the police that he'd been smoking pot, the drug test "came back negative for drugs, including marijuana." [TMZ]
• Lily Allen wrote on her blog, "I've had laryngitis and bronchitis for about two months and I've just been doing so many gigs and just not resting. I have been to an ear, nose, and throat specialist a few times and they stuck a big camera down my throat. It's not very nice." [Daily Star]
• The National Board of Review's 2009 awards were announced today. Up In The Air was named Best Film, Clint Eastwood won Best Director for Invictus. Precious was not on their list of the year's 10 best films. [The Wrap]
• Julianne Hough may be dating Kings of Leon bassist Jared Followill. An eyewitness reports from a bar in Nashville: "They were very affectionate, just hanging out at the table. They stayed for about an hour and enjoyed karaoke. None of them sang, but they just hung with their group. Only a few people noticed she was even there. They didn't make a spectacle of it." [Perez Hilton]
• Mark Wahlberg says there are two seasons left of Entourage on HBO then, "We'll see, there could be more. But then, a movie." [Showbiz 411]
• MTV renewed The Hills for a sixth season... but is anyone still watching? [Perez Hilton]
• Will Smith has put production of Hancock 2 on hold to "spend more time with his family." [Perez Hilton]
• GLAAD released a statement supporting ABC's decision to ban Adam Lambert from Jimmy Kimmel Live and the network's New Year's Eve special. GLAAD says Lambert's performance at the AMA differed "greatly" from rehearsals and "It would appear that the kiss between Adam Lambert and his keyboardist did not factor into ABC's decision ... ABC has a history of positive gay and transgender inclusion that includes featuring kisses between gay and lesbian couples on-air." [TMZ]
• Mick Hucknall of Simply Red is suing his neighbor over the rights to hunt deer, ducks and other birds at their rival game lodges in Ireland. [AP]
• Cynthia Nixon said of the failure of the New York senate to pass a marriage equity bill, "The fight for justice is always long and hard, and while this vote was of course extremely disappointing, we now know with certainty who our friends are and who our enemies are. And, trust me, we won't forget it at election time. It's really a terrible shame that many of our legislators could not bring themselves to support a simple matter of fairness and equality, and have betrayed the majority of New Yorkers who believe same-sex marriage should be legalized." [Advocate]
• Penelope Cruz says, "The musical number [in Nine] had to be sexy... and thinking about the Pink Panther would help get me in the mood ... When I was climbing the ropes to the ceiling, all I could think about was the Pink Panther." [People]
• Penelope Cruz says her relationship with Pedro Almodóvar, with whom she has made four films, has "been growing and evolving gradually. Right now, we get to the set, we look at each other, and I know if he slept the night before, if he's in a bad mood or in a good mood. He is the same with me-he looks at me and he knows what I am thinking. So that makes it easier. But at the same time, he's a very big presence, so I don't get less nervous when I'm working with him now because we are friends-I get maybe even more nervous because I'm always worried about disappointing him." [Interview Magazine]
• Peter Jackson says of his new film The Lovely Bones getting mixed reviews, "The film is a film that we're very proud of, and it's not a film that everyone likes, but I don't know what film is. You know, there's no such thing as perfection; you can't make a film that everybody in the world is going to like, so it just represents their view. The film is about a teenage girl - in some respects, we made it for teenagers." [N.Y. Magazine]

• Someone broke into Kourtney Kardashian's home on Saturday night, taking thousands of dollars worth of jewelry. Hollywood: Step up your security! [TMZ]

• As you may know, there's been a rash of burglaries involving young stars this year: Paris Hilton, Audrina Patridge, Hayden Panettiere, Lindsay Lohan and Rachel Bilson's homes have all been broken into in the last 10 months. Oh, and Orlando Bloom was burglarized, too. [People]
• Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are back together, and things are going well: "We just made the decision that we want to make it work, and the time off was really beneficial for the both of us," KK says. "I think sometimes people need to take a break just to take time off to see how much they need each other and how much they really are compatible." [People]
• Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom now have a prenup. He'll keep the $33 million he makes in his 4 year contract with the Lakers. Khloe will get an annual lump sum, which will not go up or down throughout the marriage; and the two will have a joint account. Romantic! [TMZ]
• Hug your neighborhood Goth: Trent Reznor got married on Saturday. [E!]
• Beyoncé has postponed a concert in Malaysia; female performers there must be covered from shoulders to knees, with no cleavage showing. Time to rethink that "Single Ladies" leotard. [AP]
• Lindsay Lohan "shocked" people by being "in control all night" at a party. [Page Six]
• Courtney Love failed to show up in court on Thursday in a case involving Elite Maids and non-payment; the judge ruled against Courtney and she needs to write a check to the cleaning service for $3,058.48. [TMZ]
• Headline of the day: "Paris Hilton Lands Movie Role, Demands Lobsters." [Page Six]
• Stephanie Pratt was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence early Sunday morning in Hollywood. She'd just left Holly Montag's birthday party and apparently didn't arrange for a designated driver. [TMZ]
• Stephanie Pratt was "cooperative" and there were no issues with her arrest. She was taken into custody at 3:45 am and released at 10:30 am. [People]
• Here's a picture of Stephanie partying before her DUI. What's with the tongues? [TMZ]
• Liz Taylor took Michael Jackson's three kids to a theme park on Friday. From her wheelchair, she watched the children go on rides and enjoy the Halloween Horror Nights event. [Daily Express]
• By the by, Liz Taylor saw the new Michael Jackson documentary, This Is It at a special secret screening. Word is: She loved it and thought it was "brilliant." [Showbiz 411]
• "Michael Jackson's embattled physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, is quietly trying to sell his story." [Rush & Molloy]
• Susan Boyle must have liked the makeover she got from Harper's Bazaar: She used the images from that photo shoot as cover art for her album. [WWD]
• Kelly Bensimon flashed folks at a fête: "Raising her arm to wave goodbye, the Real Housewives star 'accidentally' revealed she was 'commando.'" [Page Six]
• Expect Josh Brolin's performance in Wall Street 2 to be Donald Trump-inspired. [Page Six]
• "The octomom's doctor has been expelled from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the main infertility professional organization." Nadya Suleman has said that her physician, Michael Kamrava, transferred six embryos, which exceeds the ASRM's guidelines. [USA Today]
• Did you know that Jon Hamm auditioned for the role of Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock? [Reader's Digest]
• "Madonna's 'Hung Up,' in which she dances provocatively in a pink leotard, has been voted the least sexy music video of all time." [Telegraph]
• You guys, stop talking about how Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy might be broken up. She says: "I'm not going to lie – it's not annoying, it's hurtful. Because he is like the most awesome person." And! "We are just trying to be really happy. It makes it hard to do that when everybody is putting negative energy out there." [ONTD]
• Guess what Susan Sarandon is going to be for Halloween? Think "Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me"! [Page Six]
• Cameron Diaz stars in sci-fi thriller The Box, based on a 1970 short story and adapted and directed by the twisted genius behind Donny Darko, Richard Kelly. At 37, she gets asked about the quality of roles for women over 40, and says: "I'm not 40 yet and I don't know what I am going to want. I'm certainly not sitting here worrying about where I am going to be at, I am just making the most out of the life I am living as I have been doing all along." [News.com.au]
• Conan O'Brien and Newark mayor Cory Booker have ended their feud. Sort of. There's now a joke jar: jar. "Every time I made a joke about Newark… $500 would go into that joke jar," says Conan. Yet he adds: "You can rest assured that the money is safe, because the jar isn't in Newark." [NY Daily News]
• Gaga Ooh La La! New Lady Gaga song! Click to hear. [ONTD]
• Martha Stewart's deal with Kmart is dead. Long live Martha Stewart's deal with Home Depot. [NY Times]
• Nas has tax issues. [TMZ]
• Where The Wild Things Are made a monstrous $32.5 million at the box office. [AP]
• So you know how some dresses have little plastic straps inside for more stability on a hanger? And sometimes the straps pop out from under your armpits and look unsightly? Whitney Houston's dress straps broke while she was on TV. [The Sun]
• Monty Python: The Original Kings Of Gore. [Newsweek]
• Dan Aykroyd's father has a new book called A History of Ghosts: The True Story of Séances, Mediums, Ghosts and Ghostbusters; Dan has written the forward and says: "I've had to sell some really bad movies in my time, so it's great when you can get behind a good product." [USA Today]
• Someone paid $15,000 for a clump of Elvis' hair. [AP]
• Ted Danson upon meeting Dave Chappelle: "You are like a hero in my family." After the meeting: "Wow. That was cool. That was my claim to hip right there. That's my only claim to hip." [LA Times]
• Do red carpets make you nervous? Or the paparazzi? 
"Horribly nervous. The red-carpet thing is more of a problem. I had braces when I was a teenager and taught myself not to smile. I never deprogrammed myself from that. When they're shouting 'Smile!' I get nervous. You don't want to see my smile." Are you on Facebook? "I left Facebook. People contact you and they're out of your life, and I don't know why they want to come back in. It's weird." — from a Q&A with An Education's Carey Mulligan. [Newsweek]
• Def Leppard has canceled the last segment of its North American tour — 23 shows — "due to unforeseen personal matters." [USA Today]
• "When I was 11, I auditioned for the part of Joseph in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat at school. I didn't go to an all-girls school, but the boys didn't want to do theater: the girls could then play the boys. I remember that I didn't get the part of Joseph and I was really upset. They cast me as the Pharaoh, and I remember doing an Elvis impression as the Pharaoh. I had this one moment when I realized that the Pharaoh part was actually more interesting than Joseph's. And, in some ways, that set the tone for my career. For me, it's often better to play the great character than the lead." — Samantha Morton. Click through for gorgeous photo shoot. [T Magazine]
• "He's one of the very few completely brilliant directors that I've worked with. There aren't really very many, I have to say, or it's a shame to say. To be an artist in terms of what you see and what you want to feel out of each scene, a kind of master of the technique and the technicalities of filmmaking, and a master of directing actors, which is usually the one that's missing — there are many who have no idea how to speak or to pull good work out of actors — is very rare. Roman was all those things." — Ewan McGregor on Roman Polanski, who directed The Ghost, in which Ewan stars. [LA Times]
• "The best part for me now is that I think for the first nine months mom is so essential. When they start hanging out with dad more you're like, 'Wow I feel like a dad.' You go to music class and do fun stuff together, it's cool. It makes me realize all of the little things that my dad sacrificed when he had me. It's sad it took 30 years but I totally realize it now." — Pete Wentz on fatherhood. [UPI via People]
• "When I was away [in prison], I wrote a lot of stuff, which will be released next year. I wrote a diary and songs. I got into trouble because I wrote on the wall: 'Some things are past understanding, you just need a place to land.' It was part of a lyric. I actually wrote a song about Amy [Winehouse] when I was in prison." — Boy George. [Daily Express via The Times of London]
• "I'll be honest: When I went on that morning show, I was drunk. Yes, I was on sleeping pills and I was jet-lagged, but I was also just plastered. And I never said I wasn't, but that whole Warner Bros. publicity machine got involved and said, 'Just say he was jet-lagged.' I said, 'No, tell 'em the truth! I was fucking drunk in Australia. Big deal.'" — John Stamos, in reference to his bizarre appearance on Mornings with Kerri-Ann in 2007. [Us Magazine]
• "I think I underestimated the way people bracket you. I thought I could wear what I wanted and be an actress and live my life in a certain way, and it would all be all right. I feel we live in the kind of culture now where you have to be very smart to navigate the right way, and I just don't have those smarts. I think with age and time it will change, but I can't obsess about it… This is what I have always wanted, to be on Broadway. I'm living my dream, and that's all you can ask for. At a certain point you have to ignore all the rest." — Sienna Miller, who is in After Miss Julie on Broadway. [NY Times]
• "I've had some absolutely great relationships and some not so great relationships. I've been in some relationships where I've felt terribly alone. Just because you're with someone it doesn't mean you're incredibly happy and complete. I've had some easy and natural, made-sense breakups as well as some rough ones. I deal with them the same way we all do: I'm successful with some and not so successful with others. I don't think my experiences are any different than anybody else's, they've just been amplified a little more." — George Clooney. [Mirror]
• "Parenting is something you can't delegate. Yes, you can find help with the daily things, but that doesn't release you from the guilt and anxiety and concern. Is there ever a time when putting your needs ahead of your children's is acceptable? That is the overarching question." — Uma Thurman, on new film Motherhood. [NY Times]
• "Losing my mother was very traumatic. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. And now I'm older than my mom was when she died, which is pretty strange. She died when she was 35. [I lived with my father after that], he was a salesman and only in his early 60s when he died [of complications from diabetes]. I was 20. I miss him every day. He had a wild streak. He was funny, larger than life, and sad. He's probably in my performance more than I know. I started acting in grade school and kept returning to it in high school and college. Theater departments are usually a big collection of orphans and screwups-sort of lost tribes-and I found kinship there. When I started thinking about what to do with the rest of my life, acting was the only thing I kept coming back to." — Jon Hamm. [Reader's Digest]
• "When I look at digital, the dark side of it for me is the physicality that's being presented alongside the Internet. I think about that movie The Matrix, and about these bodies that are human batteries that support computers. I met this guy who was creating software where you could watch Mad Men and you could chat with your friend while you're watching it, and things would pop up, and facts would pop up, and I said, 'You're a human battery. Turn the fucking thing off! You're not allowed to watch the show anymore. You're missing the idea of sitting in a dark place and having an experience. Are you just like sitting with your phone and you're kissing your girlfriend and saying, "I'm kissing my girlfriend! This is so great, we're having sex!'" EXPERIENCE THINGS!" — Matthew Weiner, creator of Mad Men, at the New Yorker Festival [NY Magazine]

• Gerard Butler is not, repeat, not dating Jennifer Aniston.

"I love her to death," he says. "She's the coolest and she's become a great friend, but there's nothing going on. And if there was, I'd be happy to say it!" Next week's tabloids covers: JEN'S HEARTBREAK! REJECTED BY GERARD! [E!]

• Starbucks barista to Nicole Kidman: "You know who you look like — that lady who used to be married to Tom Cruise. What's her name?" [Page Six]
• Randy and Evi Quaid were arrested yesterday, but they posted bail last night after the Presidio County Sheriff was kind enough to drive them to an ATM. Apparently law enforcement sources believe Randy and Evi have a pattern of staying in pricey hotels and not paying when they leave. [TMZ]
• Jude Law is the biological father of a newborn child, but he has told his one night stand Samantha Burke that he will not see their daughter for three months. He needs to finish Hamlet on Broadway first. [Telegraph, Telegraph]
• Bruce Willis doesn't like Facebook: "It's frightening, I think it's like the fall of Rome. Three years from now, after all the bees are dead..." [Mirror]
• In her book, Mackenzie Phillips claims she had sex with Mick Jagger when she was 18 (he would have been around 35). "I've been waiting for this since you were 10 years old," Jagger allegedly told her. She says: "I'd known Mick since I was a kid, and maybe most people think their parents' friends are old and gross. But this was Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger! He was hot. He had the most perfect ass in history." [NY Post]
• Britney Spears' 50/50 custody split with Kevin Federline will continue, at least through the end of the year. [TMZ]
• Chris Brown has booked his first show since assaulting Rihanna in February: He'll play Power 105.1's Powerhouse '09 concert with Keri Hilson, TheDream and Trey Songz. A source says: "Chris isn't advertiser-safe yet - his image has a long way to go… But for this show, he'll draw a crowd, so the producers of the show are willing to pay." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Jessica Alba's one-year-old daughter Honor is becoming bilingual. "I am a mother who shoves information down her throat, poor thing," Jessica says. "I sing her songs about colors in Spanish and English when I'm cooking. Literally I integrate learning into everything I do. We're into colors because I feel that's something a 15-month-old can sort of identify. So now she kind of points to blue and says 'azul' and I say 'Yes, azul, muy bien!' It's slow going but she's sort of picking it up." [People]
• How is Travis Barker doing after surviving a plane crash and the death of his good buddy DJ AM? Friend Rob Dyrdek says he's doing "better than I would probably think anyone would really expect." [People]
• "Mariah Carey is in a happy place with projects, love life." [USA Today]
• Brody Jenner's girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, is suing Joe Francis, alleging assault and battery. Joe Francis' response: "Jayde Nicole is an absolute and total liar. The only thing that Jayde Nicole is famous for is having a tattoo of the word 'respect' above her vagina." What does that have to do with anything? [TMZ]
• Khloe Kardashian's fiance, Lamar Odom, called off his bachelor party, which was to be hosted by Joe Francis and Khloe's brother Rob. Lamar opted for a private dinner with his teammates (and Joe and Rob) instead, which sounds like a smart move. [TMZ]
• Lamar Odom's bachelor party was supposed to have "stripper poles, midgets, and tons of candy." Because Joe Francis is classy like that. [Page Six]
• Sources says Ok! magazine will pay $300,000 for an exclusive on Khloe Kardashian's wedding. The money will go to Khloe and her mom. [Gatecrasher]
• Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner's former "number one" girlfriend, is getting her own reality show, Planet Holly. Holly says: "It's the perfect excuse for me to be normal in a lighthearted comedy romp. Think Mary Tyler Moore.' Um… MTM did not pose nude or have implants, though, right? [NY Daily News]
• Gossip Girl's Kelly Rutherford has filed court documents alleging that her stressful relationship with her ex husband has affected her ability to produce breast milk for her three-month old daughter. [Extra]
• Kelly Rutherford has been granted a temporary restraining order against her ex-husband, claiming he follows, threatens and scares her, her nanny, and her mother. [NY Daily News]
• Even though Kelis and Nas have been pictured together, their divorce is still on; there will be a hearing November 20. [TMZ]
• Jermaine Jackson's Michael Jackson tribute: "badly organized." [BBC News]
• Anne Heche says that she doesn't plan on marrying the father of her six-month-old child: "I want to stay in love." [E!]
• "Dancing with the Stars goes recession chic by reusing Shawn Johnson's costume for Natalie Coughlin." [NY Daily News]
• Click to see a picture of Emma Thompson is a Morris dancer outfit. [Daily Mail]
• Ricky Gervais explains how he got Philip Seymour Hoffman to do a cameo in his new film The Invention Of Lying: "I didn't know Philip Seymour Hoffman, but I sent him an email saying, 'Dear Philip, please do my new film. There's no money as I spent the entire budget on testicular implants. But don't think of them as my testicles, think of them as our testicles.' He loved it, and it worked." [Telegraph]
• From a great piece on Catherine Deneuve: "When we are talking of her role as a fashion model, and we reach the face, she confirms that she has never had any work done on it, while many of her age have. 'I haven't had the time,' she jokes. Then she adds: 'If you want an explanation, you would have to meet my mother. She is 98. It's genetic.'" [Times Of London]
• Edward Norton will play The Hulk in the Avengers movie. Norton says: "The thing about [Marvel's] universe that's fun is that it all cross-pollinates. Even when I was working on the script [for 'The Incredible Hulk'], I tried to plug in the whole Super-Soldier Serum from Captain America." [MTV News]
• "Olivia Newton-John claims to have seen UFO." [Telegraph]
• Justin Guarini, whose nose job nose is kind of insane, is getting married this weekend in a "spiritual," "intimate" service, which means Kelly Clarkson probably won't be there. [Prz]
• Brigitte Bardot is about to turn 75, and this column "reveals a life lived between bed and bedlam." [Daily Mail]
• Redmond O'Neal has been moved from jail to a an in-patient drug rehab facility. [People]
• Charles Manson follower Susan Atkins, who admitted killing actress Sharon Tate 40 years ago, has died. [NY Post]
• "As ailing showbiz mogul Dick Clark prepares to celebrate his 80th birthday in November, a new documentary threatens to tarnish his image by recounting his controversial beginnings." One word: Payola. [Reuters]
• "Richard Pryor's two children say they were never told their late father set up a trust for them…" [TMZ]
• "I haven't watched Vampire Diaries. And I haven't seen Twilight either." — True Blood's Stephen Moyer. [E!]
• "I think that by understanding Chanel's character and different sources of inspiration, you understand the rest of her life." — Audrey Tautou. [WSJ]
• "It's the first time that I really want to have kids. I've been very fortunate in my career, and my life has been about that for so long that you get bored of it. You're ready for your life to be about other people and other things." — Vince Vaughn, recently engaged... Will this turn into another "poor Jennifer Aniston" story? [People]
• "I wanna eat my potatoes and French fries and sponge cakes. When I play a role like this, I can't have my carbs and it makes me crazy." — Gerard Butler. [E!]
• "It's odd for my kids when they turn up at the theater and see me being a parent in a film. I know they're thinking, 'Who are these kids that are around my dad?' But they seem OK with it. Actually, my girls completely boss me. I have no power in my house whatsoever. I am the geek of my household. I am so low-status in my house, you wouldn't believe it. I'm definitely not treated like a movie star." — Clive Owen, who plays a widower dad in his new film The Boys Are Back. [Parade]
• "I love playing Peggy [Olson]. Finding the balance between playing her, finding new things, and not losing her, and constantly finding enough new stuff to keep her remaining herself…Playing her is an exercise in remaining simple, despite the fact that she is becoming more complicated. [She's] not out to hut anyone, she's just trying to figure out who she is. But it still is agenda-free. She is looking for her place in the world." — Elisabeth Moss, who is on the September cover of Vanice magazine. [JustJared]
• "Hitler was a genius orator. To make that many people turn and change and hate, he had to be a showman and he was." — Michael Jackson, on Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's tapes, which are now a book. [Daily Mail]
• Michael Jackson was asked by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, "Is there a lot of jealousy in your profession?" "Absolutely," Jackson says, "and 'M' is one of them. Madonna." [Page Six]
• "We're more in love than ever. It's great." — Patricia Arquette, who filed for divorce from husband Thomas Jane earlier this year but is now back with him. [People]
• "Atheism has been on the rise for years now, and the Bible of the atheists is [Darwin's] The Origin of Species. We have a situation in our country where young people are entering college with a belief in God and exiting with that faith being stripped and shredded. What we want to do is have student make an informed, educated decision before they chuck their faith.… I am proud to bring this to people's attention. You see things in the world that are truly distressing and you think, 'What can I do?' Well this is something I can do." — Kirk Cameron. [People]

• Billy Ray Cyrus knows you're worried about Miley Cyrus dancing on an ice cream cart while holding a pole, and he has this to say:

"You know what? I just think that Miley loves entertaining people… I always tell her to love what you're doing and stay focused for the love of the art and not worry so much about opinion," In other words: Keep on poledancin', honey! [Access Hollywood]

• Miley Cyrus has a new man, her Last Song costar Liam Hemsworth, 18. A quick Google search finds him fairly cute. Or, you know, hot. [Gatecrasher]
• Gerard Butler threw Jennifer Aniston into the trunk of a car yesterday… on the set of The Bounty. [NY Post]
• Madonna — recently seen kissing Jesus Luz in Portofino, Italy while on a break from touring — is happy to have Luz around. And her kids "see Jesus as 'Mommy's friend.'" [MSNBC Scoop]
• Ugh: Stomach-churning details from the Jasmine Fiore murder. Cops claim that the murdered model's teeth and fingers were removed, probably to keep authorities from ID'ing the body. Suspect Ryan Jenkins (Jasmine's ex-husband), who taped Megan Wants A Millionaire in March, is still at large. [AP]
• The producers of Megan Wants A Millionaire say: "[The production company] was not aware of Ryan Jenkins' record when it cast him… Obviously, if the company had been given a full picture of his background, he would never have been allowed on the show. The company did have in place what it thought was a thorough vetting process that involved complete background checks by an outside company for all contestants on its shows. Clearly, the process did not work properly in this case." Jenkins was convicted of assaulting a girlfriend in 2005. [TMZ]
• Robert Hasman, a former boyfriend of Jasmine Fiore, was texting with Jasmine right before she died. She texted Hasman, saying she was going to Las Vegas to see him. TMZ claims: "It appears [Ryan] Jenkins may have seen the text because Hasman received a text shortly after saying 'suck it.'" Did the text set Jenkins off and send him into a murderous rage? [TMZ]
• Hmm. Jasmine Fiore never told her "mother figure" she married Ryan Jenkins. [CNN]
• A woman charged with snooping at Britney Spears' home in April has been sentenced to three years probation and 240 hours of community service. [Contact Music]
• Lindsay Lohan and Michael Lohan are NOT distant and are always happy to see each other. Says Michael Lohan. [Radar Online]
• Lindsay Lohan Tweeted that she'd be shopping at a store in downtown Manhattan yesterday afternoon, and then complained to friends, "Why are there all these people here?" when she arrived and found a pack of paparazzi outside the store. [Page Six]
• Let's just pretend this Heidi Montag workout website and fitness e-book is not happening, mmmkay? [Perez]
• Maybe we can also pretend that Spencer Pratt isn't talking about his new book How To Be Famous and saying stuff like "If I weren't me, I'd hate me. When you're the villain, you don't have to worry about how your enemy feels." [Gatecrasher]
• "Battle of the busty blonde singers: Heidi Montag and Kim Zolciak face off on the airwaves." [NY Daily News]
• BREAKING: Tyra Banks and rumored boyfriend John Utendahl had dinner. [Page Six]
• Katy Perry weighs in on the Lady Gaga-has-a-penis rumor: "Oh please, it's all very calculated. She knows what she's doing." As calculated as a former Christian singer warbling about a same-sex kiss? [LA Times]
• Hayden Panettiere, 20, is now dating Pink Taco owner Harry Morton, son of Hard Rock mogul Peter Morton. This column notes: "Harry, 28, is only slightly more age-appropriate for Panetierre than her 32-year-old ex, Milo Ventimiglia." [Page Six]
• Claire Danes looks smoking hot wearing platforms and fishnets in this photo shoot. [BlackBook]
• Some idiot threw a dildo at American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert during a show, and "Glambert" kicked it right back into the crowd. [Perez]
• Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon was on the Wendy Williams show when she let it slip that Jamie Foxx had a new baby. Apparently this had been a secret, but the baby girl's mother is a real-estate agent, described as "tall, muscular, pretty, brunette and white." [Mirror]
• Usher's ex-wife Tameka Foster wrote a blog entry for the Huffington Post called "She's Pretty For A Dark-Skinned Girl." Author Aisha Curry wrote the book Pretty For A Black Girl in 2007 and says: "I cannot and will not say she stole my idea, because you never should assume. However, I will say that It seemed like one heck of a coincidence and everything I touched on she did." [ONTD]
• Here's an interview with Michael Jackson's personal artist, David Nordahl, who created mythical and fantastical paintings for the King Of Pop. He created a work called Field of Dreams, in which MJ leads children of all nationalities (plus sister Janet, AIDS activist Ryan White and actor Macaulay Culkin) on a sunlit path. Click through for a different painting of MJ surrounded by cherubs. [USA Today]
• "A chubby clinic worker has claimed he had a LOVE AFFAIR with Michael Jackson." [The Sun]
• Tickets for the Michael Jackson movie go on sale September 27. [CNN]
• If you take pictures of Kenny Chesney during his concert, he will jump down and steal your memory card. [UPI]
• The divorce between Kelis and Nas is getting down to the dirty details: Who should get how much money. Apparently Nas makes about $244,000 a month; Kelis makes a mere $13,000 a month. She's asking for child support, spousal support, retro child support and retro spousal support. Maybe she should sing a song that's like, "Hey, hubby, baby I want your money…" Oh. Wait. [TMZ]
• Real Housewife Of Orange County Lynne Curtin was supposed to be evicted from her home but the papers were served to her daughter, who's a minor. [TMZ]
• Ladies love Salman Rushdie. [Page Six]
• Nelly and Ashanti: Splitsville. [Gatecrasher]
• Barbra Streisand's ex-boyfriend is auctioning off tapes he made of her earliest performances, in case you have $1 million lying around. [Page Six]
• Kids In The Hall reunion! [Variety]
• Billy Bob Thornton will star in a boxing flick called Pound for Pound, based on a novel by F.X. Toole, the author of the book that became Million Dollar Baby. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• "I don't think I have ever changed a diaper." — newly pregnant Kourtney Kardashian. [E!]
• "I wish my dad was here, but I know that he is here with us [in spirit], and I feel like this is definitely a blessing from him. It's bittersweet, and that's how I feel about getting married, too. I almost don't want to get married because I don't want him to not be there." — Kourtney Kardashian, on being pregnant without being able to talk to her late father, famed attorney Robert Kardashian. [People]
• "People come up to me in airports, and they're asking for my autograph not because I'm the drummer for the Chili Peppers. They really think I'm Will Ferrell. [I say] 'No, I'm not.' But they're still like, 'I loved you in 'Old School.' You're so funny.'" — Chad Smith. And really, the side by side pictures show an uncanny resemblance. [Gatecrasher]
• "He's such a cutie patootie. Sometimes I forget just how good-looking he is. While relationships are work, this just didn't feel like it. It's the kind of work that feels energizing rather than enervating. There's that pledge, and people talk about it being claustrophobic but I find it the opposite. I find it very freeing to know that, okay, it takes constant nurturing and attention, but I can also stop looking for the one-that's established. I can apply myself in other ways now. I have more time and energy to get shit done." — Claire Danes on recognizing fiancée Hugh Dancy is "the one." [BlackBook]
• "The fun thing about surgery is that they always have new things and you can always try things. I'm not sure what's on that list right now, but I'm sure as I get older, I'll want to keep up with maintenance as most Hollywood does." — Heidi Montag. [Perez]

• Angelina Jolie, as you may know, was in Baghdad yesterday. Saint Angelina walked through a makeshift settlement where 20,000 displaced Iraqis live, and said:

"It is lacking in all of the basic things that you would need, they don't have. They just started to have clean water. They're sleeping on dirt. They have built these areas out of brick by hand. They don't have job opportunities… We have still many young men and women from our country who are fighting every day, there are men and women from all countries who have lost their lives, and this is a time to try to make some positive change." [CNN]

• Angelina told one man: "It takes a lot of strength for you to survive this life. I don't know if I would be strong enough to survive this." And she vowed that this trip would not be her last: "I want to come back and find you in a better place and in a different situation… You need help not because you are poor, but because you are the future of Iraq." [NY Daily News]
• Gerard Butler doesn't have the body he had in 300, says a source. "He's so embarrassed that his six-pack abs have gone, he works out wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses." [Page Six]
• "Mischa's Shocking Interview," filmed a few days before she was taken to the hospital, is not shocking at all. She is talking about fashion and appears very normal. Unless that is shocking? [The Sun]
• Spotted: Tom Cruise out dancing with David and Victoria Beckham. [Page Six]
• Amy Winehouse in court: "I'm probably 5 foot 2 inches to 3 inches tall… But my hair does make a difference." She claims she was wearing flats (ballet slippers, obvs) and could not have hurt the 5 foot 7 woman who claims Amy punched her. [NY Post]
• …And presto! Amy Winehouse has been acquitted of assault. [AP]
• Here's what happens: Kate Major was a reporter, then she "fell for" Jon Gosselin, now other reporters are digging up dirt about her past, like the time she fell down the stairs at a party and loves to drink. [Radar]
• "Jon Gosselin's new girlfriend Kate Major has always sought fame, sees him as meal ticket: insiders." [Gatecrasher]
• Footage of New Moon debuted at Comic-Con yesterday and it "played in part like a matchup of dueling abs." [EW]
• Robert Pattinson seems to have settled in to his new, insane fame: "I pretty much live an almost identical life apart from being recognized," he says. "That's not exactly the worst thing in the world." [People]
• Twilight peeps say Robert and Kristen Stewart have "incredible chemistry." OMG just like the movie! [People]
• More from Comic-Con: Kristen Stewart said, "Uh, I can't wait to get pregnant," in reference to Breaking Dawn. Robert Pattinson added: "I can't wait to perform the Caesarean!" [E!]
• Kate Hudson is a "good luck charm" for boyfriend Alex Rodriguez. [Gatecrasher]
• Megan Fox's rep says Megan Fox never turned down a James Bond movie. "The report about Megan Fox turning down a Bond movie is completely not true. There have been no discussions nor any offers. Megan is a fan of the Bond movies." [People]
• Check out her new AT&T commercials (video at the link) and see how relentlessly fierce Mary J. Blige is. [BrandWeek]
• Michelle Trachtenberg will be working on a new show, Mercy, but she'll still be doing Georgina on Gossip Girl, saying: "Georgina's not going anywhere… She's never gonna die. There's nothing you can do to kill her. It's like one of those horror movies where they're like, 'She's dead,' and then she wakes back up and is like, 'No, I'm not.'" [NY Mag]
• Trachtenberg's "Blacklist" is pretty hilarious: "4. People who refer to themselves in the third person. Michelle thinks that's ridiculous." [BlackBook]
• Twelve-year-old Prince Jackson is "traumatized," as he was the one child who witnessed the doctor's unsuccessful attempts at resuscitation on his father. [Daily Mail]
• This report claims Michael Jackson pleaded for drugs because he had insomnia. [Mirror]
• Katherine Jackson was financially dependent on Michael Jackson and has asked a judge to provide an allowance for Michael's three kids (out of the estate) due to an "urgent need." Court documents claim that Katherine has only "extremely modest" Social Security benefits. [People]
• Oh, God. "Michael Jackson wore a prosthetic nose, according a report — and it was missing from his surgically mangled face as he lay in an LA morgue." [NY Post]
• Demi Moore is suing an Australian magazine for printing a series of photo booth-style photographs, which Demi owned and did not give permission to be published. In the pix? Demi, Rumer Willis, Orlando Bloom, P. Diddy, Cameron Diaz and Amanda De Cadenet. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• A judge has awarded Kelis a whopping $55,000 a month in combined spousal and child support from estranged husband Nas. [TMZ]
• Hmm, this report says Nas will pay $40,000. [People]
• Solange cut her hair and people are freaking the fuck out. [People]
• Bono has invested in the smartphone maker Palm, but is doing commercials for BlackBerry. [NY Post]
• Cailtin Moran on Kendra Wilkinson getting married at the Playboy Mansion and referring to Hef as a "father figure": "Because if there's one thing that holding your wedding in the building that has come to represent licentiousness, misogyny, exploitation and cheap nylon split-crotch panties at the breakfast table, it's referring to the soft pornographer who was 'intimate' with you all those years as 'Dad.'" [Times of London]
• Someone really wants you to keep watching Drop Dead Diva: Upcoming guest stars include Liza Minnelli, Paula Abdul, Tim Gunn, Delta Burke, Jorja Fox and more. [Pop Wrap]
• Jerry Hall will be nude on stage in Calendar Girls on London's West End, and says she is "terrified." "Nudity is always terrifying, even now… And yes, I have to admit I've been trying to eat less. I've been doing yoga classes with some girls in Richmond and eating lots of salads. The nudity scene is brilliantly comic — I was roaring with laughter when I saw it — but I'm worried about whether the buns are going to cover my breasts." [Daily Mail]
• This item is about John Lennon's penis. [Page Six]
• Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler: Still on. [Page Six]
• John Cleese is being treated for inflammation of the prostate gland — and will miss the Just For Laughs festival in Montreal, Canada. [The Sun]
• Eddie Van Halen: Recovering from hand surgery. [Rolling Stone]
• "I started smoking when I was 24, because I'm an idiot. I don't enjoy it so much now, because I've become such a slave to it. I hate planning my life around when I'm getting a cigarette." — Katherine Heigl. [Daily Mail]
• "I just loathe homophobia. It's just disgusting and animal and stupid and it's just thick people who can't get their heads around it and are just scared. I grew up around gay people entirely. I was the only child in my class who had any experience of homosexuality or anything like that." — Daniel Radcliffe, who looks pretty cute on the cover of gay magazine Attitude. [The Sun]
• "One day, sure, but pregnancy scares me. I know I'll be one of those women who looks pregnant all over the body. I'll get fatter and fatter from my toes up." — Katherine Heigl, when asked if she will have kids some day. [Daily Mail]
• "In a way it's good, but I also don't want people thinking of me as this blond heiress… airhead. But that is kind of my brand. I make a lot of money by doing that. I always looked up to Princess Diana and all these women, and now I could never be like that. I want to have a family. I want to be normal. I want to be happy." — Paris Hilton, on the "character" she invented. [Yahoo News via E!, E!]
• "I'm playing Speckles, the mole, and he's an outsider. He's an iconoclast — he doesn't fit in… I'm comfortable with the mole, yeah. I mean, yeah, he's different, he's got issues, you know? I don't want a perfect character, I want a character who has, as strange as it sounds, some humanity, some flaws, some needs. But to be fair, I'm not in a lot of this movie. This is Darwin's movie, um Sam Rockwell and Penelope Cruz's movie — they're the stars. I'm only in it at the beginning and the end." — Nicolas Cage on his role in G-Force. Yes, that is the guinea pig movie. [CNN]
• "I'm probably 20% atheist and 80% agnostic. You'll either find out or not when you get there. Until then, there's no point thinking about it." — Brad Pitt. [Gatecrasher via Bild]

• Star reporter Kate Major resigned today after announcing that she's dating Jon Gosselin, as she wouldn't want this conflict of interest to tarnish the mag's stellar reputation. Too bad Michael Lohan won't stop talking about his new BFFs.

• According to Lohan, who spoke with Radar Online and ABC News today, Major, who is best friends with his fiance Erin Muller, called him and said she and Jon needed a place to stay to get away from the paparazzi. Lohan says they've both been sleeping over his house. He wouldn't say whether they're sharing a room, but when asked about whether their relationship is romantic, he said: "Let me ask you a question: If she was using him why did she resign from the Star? I don't get involved in Jon's personal life but I'm not his manager or publicist. I'm just someone who's trying to help him out, like I've been trying to do with my daughter [Lindsay] her entire life." [ABC News, Radar Online]
• When Hailey Glassman, who reportedly said earlier this week that she was ready to be a stepmom to Jon's eight kids, heard that he and Kate Major were an item she said, "That's news to me." Later a teary Glassman added, "I still love Jon and Jon loves me." [People]
• The court in the Michael Jackson probate case has allowed the special administrators to make several book publishing agreements to reprint MJ's autobiography Moonwalk. The documents said it's best "for all book publishing agreements to be entered as soon as possible, as sales of the book and profits for the estate will be maximized the sooner the book is released due to the notoriety surrounding Michael Jackson's unexpected death and the resulting heightened demand for such products." [TMZ]
• Even though evidence of Michael Jackson's prescription drug use was found during the investigation into child molestation charges in 2003, prosecutors didn't bring it up in the case. "It wasn't a drug investigation," says a lawyer who didn't work on the case. "It was a lost opportunity for everyone to step in and say this not a healthy environment in every way." [People]
• Nas and Kelis have a new baby boy. Kelis gave birth to Knight Jones last night with her mother and sister by her side. It's unclear if Nas was at the hospital or not. [People]
• M.I.A. has posted a picture of her 5-month-old son in his own version of the outfit she wore to the Grammys while she was pregnant. Too cute! [Buzzfeed]
• So You Think You Can Dance judge/producer Nigel Lythgoe is hinting that if American Idol doesn't want Paula Abdul he'll hire her. [The Sun]
• Apparently Summer and Marissa aren't BFFs in real life. When the paparazzi asked Rachel Bilson if she's talked to Mischa Barton since her hospitalization, she replied: "I haven't spoken to her." [E!]
• Nick Lachey just can't stay out of it. Since his breakup with Vanessa Minnillo he's been partying and picking up various women. A source says on a recent evening, "He picked up five girls and they all snuck out the back door with him." [E!]
• Beyonce's sister Solange Knowles has shaved her head. TMZ is horrified, but we think she looks pretty cute. [TMZ]
• Chace Crawford says he didn't cut off his signature bangs intentionally. "I was over in London and someone cut it too short and I had to go to an event and I threw it back and it turned out to be some big deal." He said when he returned to the Gossip Girl set two weeks ago he, "showed up on set the first day and said, ‘Listen…can we do my hair this way for the first episode? Because it's a little short…' . And it kinda stuck. It was good to switch things up, though." [People]
• Nicholas Cage will switch on the Christmas light in Bath, England, where he owns two homes, this year. [The Telegraph]
• Jane's Addiction have canceled all of their upcoming Australian tour dates because drummer Stephen Perkins has an elbow infection. He's been hospitalized and is expected to make a full recovery. [Rolling Stone]
• Here's a list of some things People thinks you're supposed to know about the host of MTV's It's On With Alexa Chung: she's a contributing editor at British Vogue, she designs jewelry, and she's dating Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys. [People]
• When asked about her musical influences Miley Cyrus said: "I love Coldplay and the Killers and John Lennon - all dudes, because I have a low voice. I do, I like that sound because it is a little more edgy." [Star-Telegram]
• "I want longevity. I still want to be working when I'm 70. So I'm eager to vary things. You get more interesting as you get older." — Anna Friel [The Telegraph]
• Eleanor Coppola, who shot the documentary Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker's Apocalypse on the set of her husband Francis Ford Coppola's Apocalypse Now says, "I never intended to make the documentary of all documentaries. I was just trying to keep myself occupied with something to do because we were out there for so long. I just had never shot a documentary before. They wanted five minutes for a TV promotional or something and I thought sooner of later I could get five minutes of film and then it went on to 15 minutes. I just kept shooting but I had no idea ... the evolution of myself that I saw with my camera. So, it was a surprise for both of us and a life changing experience." [CNN]
• T.R. Knight says of leaving Grey's Anatomy, "From an outsider's perspective, I get the [impression that] 'He's just a spoiled actor…he doesn't know how good he has it.' There are a lot of people who would like to be in my position. But in the end, I need to be fulfilled in my work." [Entertainment Weekly]
• Tyler Perry says his greatest accomplishment has nothing to do with business. "My biggest success is getting over the things that have tried to destroy and take me out of this life. Those are my biggest successes. It has nothing to do with work." [CNN]
• Sarah Ball says of her Harry Potter character Lavender Brown, "I think that she's misunderstood, really. She's insecure, I think, and her main problem is that she's just obsessed with Ron. She loves him. She's almost borderline under a spell: she is just entranced by him, and that kind of causes her to become a bit wayward. She's not really aware of how she's coming across to everybody, as a bit mad. She realizes pretty quickly that he has feelings for somebody else-Hermione-and she kind of reacts to that by becoming incredibly clingy and possessive and loud and annoying. But I think she's just got a big heart and she just wants to be loved, you know?" [Newsweek]
• Jack White is launching a subscription service because he's unhappy with the way download in is affecting music experiences. "It's taken a lot of the romance out of the experiences of music. This is what we're trying to manipulate to the advantage of the fan/listener and the artist as well, to find ways to have beautiful experiences that have a longer lasting impact. Sometimes things you have complete easy access to, like a reality show, or an online purchase at the click of a mouse, can become forgetable and invisible. A trip to a record store to get the album you've been waiting months for on the other hand, can be cherished for a lifetime." [BBC]
• Willem Dafoe accidentally stabbed himself during a play years ago, but he still prefers doing his own stunts. He explains, "I try to do as many of my own stunts as possible. If you keep on taking yourself out of the role you play, you lose the thread of the character." [The Telegraph]
• Katie Price said she "heard things" but about husband Peter Andre cheating on her but, "As far as I know I think he was faithful." He says, "I can hold my head up high and say I've been 100 per cent faithful throughout my marriage and still am." So everyone agrees he was faithful, right? [The Mirror]
• Johnny Depp said recently that he'd love to star in a Carol Channing biopic — and she's given him her blessing. "I imagine when or if Johnny should portray me, he will succeed," she said, "Because a true artist, such as himself, is one who loves his or her creation and therefore represents their honest view of that which they are creating. I think he is a gifted performer and I would be very proud, as well as interested, in seeing what his vision of me would be... Men have been imitating me for as long as I can remember. In fact, most of the impersonations I have seen have had a five-o'clock shadow." [E!]

• Jon Gosselin has been hanging out in the Hamptons with Star reporter Kate Major. At the home of Michael Lohan. "Jon and her are good friends," Lindsay's dad says. [E!, People]

• Jon Gosselin, Kate Major, Michael Lohan and Real Housewives Jill Zarin had dinner together. Margaret sent me an email which read: "Ok, my head just exploded. We've now tied together RHONY, the Gosselins, AND Michael Lohan? I really hope Blanket isn't the 9th Gosselin kid." [Us Magazine]
• More on Gosselin and Zarin here. [People]
• Oh no. No. Buckingham Palace requested a copy of Brüno. The Queen is going to watch Brüno. Oh no. [Telegraph]
• "Brüno star Sacha Baron Cohen gets death threats from Islamic terrorists." Something about calling Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden a "dirty wizard or a homeless Santa." [Telegraph]
• Mischa Barton's rep says she is "making improvements." [UPI]
• Mischa didn't make the cover of any of the celeb weeklies, but her rep says they've been calling and emailing. [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan's Labor Pains got half as many viewers as The Parent Trap did on a different cable channel exactly a week before. [NY Daily News]
• Jude Law accidentally hit a female photographer when surrounded by paparazzi but apologized and calls the accusations that he attacked her "nonsense." [Independent]
• Comb out the weavehive: Amy Winehouse will have to go on trial for assaulting a woman at a charity ball last September. [Mirror]
• Oh wait! She already went to court! They're saying Amy used "deliberate and unjustifiable violence." [Daily Express, Telegraph]
• There was a "media scrum" at the courthouse as Amy Winehouse arrived. [Mirror]
• Last night Kelis was in labor and Nas went to the hospital; he was turned away because he was too drunk. He'd performed earlier in the evening and been downing champagne since. [TMZ]
• Kelis had a boy! His name is Knight Jones. She Tweeted: "I was in labor for 3 of the longest most painful days of my life. I don't understand when women say they don't remember giving birth." She added: "I will remember for the rest of my life. He's kinda perfect btw :)" [Rap Radar]
• Want to know more about Michael Jackson's secret son and secret moms and all kinds of secrets? Click the link. Or ask Liz Taylor. "The one woman who knows everything there is to know about Michael Jackson and where his children came from is Elizabeth Taylor," a source spills. "Elizabeth Taylor introduced Michael to the mother." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Will Michael's kids be raised by their Aunt Rebbie? [TMZ]
• The Jackson investigation is focusing on manslaughter. And documents have been seized from Dr. Conrad Murray's office. [TMZ]
• AEG has filed legal papers asking to be part of the Jackson probate hearing on August 3. [TMZ]
• Well this is not surprising: Security breeches in connection with Jackson's death certificate. Apparently it's been "improperly accessed," like, 300 times. Sigh. [E!]
• Jackson rehearsal footage for the "This is It" concerts could be spliced together into a movie to hit in theaters in October. Quick. [NY Daily News]
• Jermaine Jackson on SECRET NORWEGIAN LOVE CHILD Omer: "If Omer's his son, he's his son. We won't deny it. We are going to give him the same love and care that we give Prince and Paris and Blanket." [Daily Mail]
• Meredith Vieira says of Susan Boyle: "She's figuring it out. I think she's watched very carefully – she said she has a good team around her to help her put it in perspective." [People]
• The first song to be released as a single by Boyle has yet to be chosen. [BBC News]
• Gotta love this quote from this Tracy Morgan interview: "Tina Fey is down like four flat tires. I love her. That's my girl, Tina Fey-Fey. She's the coolest. That's my sister from another mother with a different color." [USA Today]
• Writers who want to get a job with the new Wanda Sykes Show have to do a whole lot of writing — for free — as a test. The "packet requirements" — which you can see at the link — are lengthy. Really really involved. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Julianne Hough got an Emmy nomination for her choreography, is set to star with Chace Crawford in Footloose and is in love with fellow country singer Chuck Wicks. And she just turned 21 on Monday. [USA Today]
• John Oates of Hall & Oates has a new cartoon, J-stache, the star of which is his famous mustache. "Oates is portrayed as a modern-day family man and finds himself enticed back to the rock star life by his mustache, which is voiced by comedian Dave Attell." [Reuters]
• In a "People of Today" list which includes hobbies, we discover that David Beckham enjoys wine tasting; John Cleese spends most of his leisure time indulging in gluttony and sloth. [Telegraph]
• Jay-Z will replace the Beastie Boys a the All Points West festival in Jersey City. The Beastie Boys had to cancel when MCA revealed he had throat cancer. [NY Times]
• Wendy Williams has decided to quit her longtime day job as a radio personality; she will work on her TV show full-time. [Black Voices]
• Javier Bardem has turned down a role in Oliver Stone's Wall Street sequel. [NY Times]
• Megan Fox has turned down a role in a James Bond film. She'd rather be a major player and not just a pretty face, or something. Slumdog star Freda Pinto also turned down the role. [Gatecrasher]
• Gossip Girl gossip: Are Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr on the rocks? [Page Six]
• The Whitney Houston comeback campaign is getting in full swing. [Page Six]
• We knew this, right? The Notebook, the musical? [NY Daily News]
• "'Do you still love Daddy?': Katie Price reveals the tough questions she's getting from her children in wake of split" [Daily Mail]
• "My five-year experience proved to me that I could not trust any answer that was given [about my character, George]." — T.R. Knight, on why he left Grey's Anatomy. More at the link. [NY Daily News]
• "I suppose you can put him in the same category as the Dr. Phils and these kinds of characters of the world. Thank God, he doesn't have a television show. He's become quite well known, quite quoted, popular, sells lots and lots of books. We meet him at a point of his own personal crisis and tragedy, and the film is about can he a) help himself and b) help any of his patients. But he's certainly far more screwed up than most of his patients, as it turns out." — Kevin Spacey, on his character in the new film Shrink. [Salon]
• "We based it off this movie that we were really into from the 80s called Lost Boys, about vampires and we just stole the whole concept, kids taking over this theme park and doing what they want with it and that's the whole atmosphere of the video, and it definitely came out perfectly. It's our favourite music video we've ever shot, it was wonderful, we were so happy with the outcome." — Trace Cyrus of the Band Metro Station, whose sister, Miley Cyrus, appears in the new video. [Mirror]
• "You will be surprised but I do a lot of studying and I watch National Geographic. I try to stay away from the reality shows. I don't get anything out of Kim Kardashian and her family and nothing out of Kendra. When I watch television, I got to walk away with new type of knowledge. I get none of that from Kendra [Wilkinson] and Hugh Hefner and his girlfriends. I'm not a ninth grader who gets enticed by the female anatomy like that!" — Tracy Morgan. [People]
• "I did hard drugs. I never name them because it gets too sensational, but you can imagine. It was hard. All of my life lessons were very short but very intense. When I was a teenager, I smoked tons of pot. And my relationship to chemicals was very specifically tied to my inability to connect with people. It's almost as if the drugs-disconnection-helped me connect. It doesn't make sense. But people thought I was on drugs when I wasn't on drugs, because I guess I've always been a strange bird. I wasn't fun on drugs, so I quit at 22. … I, Juliette, believe in aliens. I don't know any other Scientologists who do. I also believe in fairies, you know, the real ones that live in the forest. Like most Scientologists, I'm really antidrug, especially in our anaesthetized, consumerist culture. The idea of taking a pill when you're unhappy or uneven to even out, to consume, to be perfect little robots-it all fucking relates. I think it's a really radical thing to be present, to own your shit-your lust, your anger, your joy, your fear. That's hard, but in the long run, it's the better road to take." — Juliette Lewis. (Also click to see her dressed as Bettie Page.) [BlackBook]
• "Byron said the only difference between the English and Turks was the English spent all their time whoring and drinking, while the Turks preferred sodomy and sherbet. I'm looking forward to a bit of sodomy and sherbet myself.…Sorry granny, sorry mum. "I'd better say sorry. My grandmother, who is aged 99, might be sitting in front of the television, swallowing her false teeth." — Rupert Everett. [The Sun]
• "Pretty girls, lose the attitude. Who needs it? Life's too short. You're not a brain surgeon. In Los Angeles and New York, where there's definitely a high concentration of beautiful women… A lot of them take themselves way too seriously. Their beauty feels like it's become a weapon. There's nothing more attractive to a guy than a beautiful woman who has her defenses down… Well, maybe not that. That sounds animalistic, like you're on the prowl. [What's alluring is] a beautiful woman who seems unaware of it." —Gerard Butler. [LA Times]
• "To be honest, I think I have chemistry with everybody." — Gerard Butler. [LA Times]
• "It's probably okay for me to say this now, but my Thirteen character was completely, 100% me at that age. That's why I did it. I had never seen something that honest being done for teenagers and their parents, that wasn't some terrible educational film. It was like Requiem for a Dream, but with teenagers: everything about it just rang true with me… It made me laugh so hard when people were like, 'Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson? She's so squeaky clean!' I was like, 'I was cutting myself on camera at the age of 14 and making out with chicks!'" — Evan Rachel Wood. [BlackBook]

• Britney shouted, "What's up London?" at a recent gig… In Manchester. Mancunians were irritated. [Daily Mail]

• Beyoncé backed out of a performance at a club in New York — and the club owner says he's already spent $100,000 preparing for the show. Lawsuit threat! [Page Six]
• Rihanna is expected in court on Monday as a witness in Chris Brown's assault case; her testimony will not be televised. [CNN]
• Angelina was taping Anderson Cooper 360 for World Refugee Day and said: "I usually just explain to [my kids] that there are other families in the world that aren't as fortunate as ours and other kids'...And so I tell them that it's important for all of us to do what we can and then go to these places and understand what's happening, Hopefully I'll take them to as many countries as I can and raise them with an education of the world." [E!]
• Here's a transcript of Anderson Cooper's interview with Angelina. [CNN]
• Oh for the love of God. Someone has their hands on a sex tape starring Leighton Meester — Blair from Gossip Girl — and it involves her "very talented feet." [TMZ]
• Jessica Alba has sent a donation to the United Way after defacing on of their billboards. Good idea! [E!]
• Sacha Baron Cohen wore a bull outfit in Spain yesterday. As you can see in this picture, his black costume had horns, a prominent penis and a hooves. He was attended by cute bullfighters. [USA Today]
• Katherine Heigl is staying on for season six of Grey's Anatomy. [E!]
• If Jill Scott is nominated for an Emmy for The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency and wins, she'll be the first African-American actress to have a best TV drama actress award. [LA Times]
• Dina Lohan, a little late on the uptake, has commented that her daughter Lindsay Lohan had nothing to do with the jewelry theft from an Elle photo shoot. Yeah. We know. Dina also says: "Last month her personal cell was posted online and now her phone messages have been hacked. This must stop. She is a 22-year-old girl who needs to live her life in peace. The tabloids need to leave her alone with all the lies and reporting with no proof." [People]
• Just what you always wanted: Jennifer Love Hewitt is writing a dating book called The Say I Shot Cupid. "I thought it was time to share the real story of what I've learned navigating the dating waters," she says. "Hopefully, in addition to having a good laugh, women reading this will learn from some of my hard lessons." [People]
• Shanna Moakler, who resigned as president from the Miss California USA organization, says: "If Donald Trump gives his blessing, I'll be back in a heartbeat." [E!]
• Hmm: Did Olive Garden pull its ad dollars from David Letterman's show after his kerfluffle with Sarah Palin? [Ad Age]
• Conan O'Brien is beating David Letterman in certain demographics, but Letterman is close behind in total viewers. [Variety]
• "Today I begin my fast for Darfur." — Maria Bello. [Huffington Post]
• Oh, dear: Amy Winehouse is causing trouble on St. Lucia. Just by being there! An "influential local newspaper proprietor" believes that Amy's stay on the island is good publicity; a former government spin doctor says Amy should have been arrested and kicked out of the country by "the morality police." [Guardian]
• In this story, Beth Ditto goes off on Katy Perry and her "party song" "I Kissed A Girl." Ditto says: "As a gay person, it's like, 'Oh, of course this straight person singing about kissing a girl goes straight to Top 40 and people buy this record. Who can give a fuck about real gay people?' That's what's really painful about the whole thing." [Spinner]
• George Michael was banned from driving for 2 years, but now he's back behind the wheel, with a new car: a $200,000 Ferrari California. Something subtle and low-profile. [Luxist]
• Au revoir! David and Victoria Beckham are thinking of selling their home ins the South of France. [The Sun]
• David Archuleta's dad has pleaded no contest to "patronizing" a prostitute in a Salt Late City massage parlor. And he doesn't mean he was condescending to her. He means he was a customer! He paid a $582 fine and completed a counseling class. [USA Today]
• LeAnn Rimes is not getting a divorce, says LeAnn's rep. [E!]
• Josie Bissett will return to Melrose Place — as a guest star. [People]
• Do Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo live under a rock? They have never heard of Susan Boyle. [Us Magazine]
• "Susan Boyle was dropped from a second Britain's Got Talent concert last night after launching into a bizarre rant over her beloved cat Pebbles." [Daily Mail]
• In this interview, Tyrese refers to himself in the third person and says: "I believe that people are going to love Transformers 2." Of course you do. [USA Today]
• OMG. If Susanne Bartsch had been on the Real Housewives Of New York it would have been a much different show. She is a legend, a spectacle and a freak show — rolled into one — in the best possible way. [NY Mag]
• Check out this zany interview with Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, the Mr. Show duo, who are reuniting for a string of Chicago shows. [Milwaukee Decider]
• You've gotta love these pictures of Sienna Miller "stumbling" out a club with rumored romantic interest, Irish comedian Patrick Kielty — her hair's disheveled and he's got a cocktail in his hand as he sits in the cab. [Daily Mail]
• But wait! Don't miss these pictures of Kate Moss writhing on stage with Pink Floyd's David Gilmour as she sings at a karaoke party. [Daily Mail]
• LOL: Robin Wright Penn calls Keanu Reeves a "gentle giant." [The Star]
• When asked about Sean Penn, Robin joked: "Thank God somebody's staying with the kids!" [Mirror]
• "Heidi Fleiss speaks up for tropical birds." [Sadie Frost is 44 and single and just hosted a speed-dating night, which is "news." [Daily Express]
• Common and Queen Latifah will star in a sports romance called Just Wright, in which a sports trainer finds herself falling in love with a professional basketball player while rehabilitating him from a career-threatening injury. [Variety]
• Kevin Williamson is working on a new Scream trilogy, but Neve Campbell refuses to be in it. Williamson's Twitter reads: "This sucks." [ONTD]
• Hollywood is out of ideas, part MCDLXXXV: Teen Wolf remake. On the way. [Movie Hole]
• Gravely ill: Walter Cronkite. [NY Post]
• Jeremy Piven hasn't eaten fish in 10 months. [People]
• Blind item! "Which music mogul looks at himself in the mirror every morning and recites an ode to his greatness?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I would love to do [a movie about] Harriet Tubman. I think maybe one day a slave epic. Apart from Roots, which was on television, I don't think there's been a serious film dealing with slavery in this country. It would need alternative means of finance. It's not something that you could get made through the traditional Hollywood system." — from "10 Questions With Spike Lee." [Time]
• "Jennifer does not share the same sense of humor as me - she did not like my jokes. I was picking on [Jen's husband] Ben Affleck and making fun of him because I've known him for a really long time - I was talking smack - and Jennifer goes, 'You know, if you keep saying stuff about him, I'm going to kick your ass.' And she could - I've seen Alias. She has a real girly sense of humor and didn't understand that I was kidding." — Kevin Smith. [Gatecrasher]
• "It feels to me like [the band] has run its course at the moment. I'm not going to quit making music, and I probably will make some more Nine Inch Nails stuff down the road. But I'm going to try some different things now." — Trent Reznor says NIN is going on hiatus after a summer tour. [Newsweek]
• "If there's any turmoil, I think it's managing all of it, but having an incredible team that helps me do that it makes it very easy, or easier than it would normally be attempting to do it myself." — Usher on filing for divorce. [Mirror]
• "I'm embarrassed to say it was my first time voting-but my guy got in." — Ginuwine, who never paid attention to politics until Barack Obama came along. [US News & World Report]
• "Maybe because she doesn't look anything special, people identify with her. I get letters all the time from people who think she is real, and they give me fashion tips for dressing better, telling me that if I smarten myself up I'll be able to stand up to everyone better at the magazine." — America Ferrera, on her Ugly Betty character. [Daily Mail]
• "Right now I'm shouting out to real dads. Some are great role models with real academic achievements. Some are not ... We deserve the love!!! We put up with everything, standing true to what's real and letting life take its course protecting our household, our woman, our children, our family ... Biggest Shout To My Son On The Way!!" — Nas. (Wait, what?) [TMZ]
• "There was lot of material to memorize… Curb is improvised and I'm making it up as I go along in many cases. Here, I was doing someone else's words, which was really a pleasure, because you can get pretty sick of being yourself every minute of every day. To actually have a chance to say someone else's words, no less Woody Allen's, was fun." — Larry David, on being in Whatever Works. [WSJ]
• "I've been wearing similar outfits to Lady GaGa for years across Europe while I've been promoting my records. Now when I wear outrageous costumes people say I'm copying her. It really annoys me. She stole my look and I want it back." — Swedish singer September, who appears to favor rubber and blonde hair. [The Sun]
• "My parents' generation wasn't so good at that… Now, I try to talk to my kids - they don't want to hear it from me. They know." — Michelle Pfeiffer on giving the bird and bees talk. [NY Magazine]
• "I've known Sacha since he did Bruno when he was a young man and my son is named Bruno after him – partly after Bruno!" — Nigella Lawson. [Daily Express]
• "Back then everyone wanted their body to look like mine. Women would say: 'I've worked out for five years to look like you.' I'd trained constantly for the film, but I couldn't sustain my fitness." — Linda Hamilton's Terminator biceps hit the screen 25 (?!?) years ago. [Daily Mail]
• "Man, I'm not into that stuff. All I need is a brush. That and some Carol's Daughter Body Butter to keep off the ash. My family, we use this stuff at home. I wish I had the time to get manicures and pedicures, but the season is so crazy. Some people make the time, but I don't." — LeBron James, as he got a cucumber-and-lavender manicure. [NY Mag]
• "Who am I? I'm just another schmendrick who used to be in a goy band. I don't know what the hell that means either, but I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be funny… Ok, that's enough schtick in the box from me." — Justin Timberlake's jokes at an event at the United Jewish Federation, where his record label boss, Barry Weiss, was being honored. [AP]

• GLAAD is concerned about Sacha Baron Cohen's depiction of homosexuality in Brüno:

"We have very mixed emotions about the movie," says GLAAD's Rashad Robinson. "Those of us who saw the film agreed that you can't critique it as a single film because it's more like 90 minutes of individual sketches. Some are funny and hit their mark but others hit the [gay] community instead." GLAAD is asking for a bit where a baby is sitting in the same hot tub where two men are having sex be cut. "As someone who sat at the back of a focus group audience outside of Los Angeles, I felt they were laughing at us at times." [E!]

• Sacha Baron Cohen, dressed as Brüno, showed up outside of Buckingham Palace yesterday and announced: "I hope Prince Harry is coming to the premiere – I've heard he's a total slut!" [Telegraph]
• Brüno on prime minister Gordon Brown: "The guy needs a total makeover. He needs a fake tan, he needs to wear some tight slacks." [Telegraph]
• In the UK, you can't see Brüno unless you're over 18. [Telegraph]
• WTF: "Two police chiefs are under investigation for allegedly breaking into the Martins Ferry, Ohio, home of Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate in an attempt to dig up dirt they hoped to sell to the tabloids." [Gatecrasher]
• Elle magazine says it has "no reason" to believe that Lindsay Lohan is responsible for $500,000 worth of Dior jewelry missing from a photoshoot. [Gatecrasher]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have donated $1 million to the UN Refugee Agency, to help displaced people n Pakistan. This comes one week after Brad donated $1 million for a pediatric cancer center in Missouri. [People]
• Jersey Housewives' Danielle says of the showdown in the finale: "My kids deserved to see how Mommy was going to grow from this and move forward. My children needed to learn from that, and that is why they wanted to stay in the room." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Housewives' Dina says of Danielle: "I never denied that I was part of [exposing] the book. I just literally never had the book in my hands. Literally. Like, I never had possession of the book. So how can I go around showing something that was never in my hands? So Jacqueline misunderstood what I was saying. She thought I was saying I never had anything to do with it. But, no, I had everything to do with it." [People]
• Oh dear: Morgan Freeman had an affair with his step granddaughter??? [National Enquirer via Perez]
• Madonna is calling on Gwyneth Paltrow to help her decorate a room for new child, Mercy. Her Madgesty's "wish list" includes "porcelain dolls, antique teddy bears, a library of leather-bound children's books and ancient maps of Africa to adorn the walls." Plus! Lourdes is super excited about having a sister: "She's bought piles of leggings, hipster T-shirts, tutus and sneakers for the new arrival." [The Sun]
• This essay argues that Madonna's "acquisition" of Mercy just helps baby traffickers. [Daily Mail]
• "Madonna 'banned Kate Winslet's musician father from appearing on Snatch film soundtrack.'" [Daily Mail]
• Good news: Bret Michaels will not sue the Tony Awards, even though he was injured by a set piece: "I'm taking the high road." [People]
• Has Sean Penn gone back to his wife after Natalie Portman broke his heart? [Page Six]
• "Michael Jackson is looking for a child who is missing limbs or in a wheelchair to appear on stage with him at his O2 gigs." [The Sun]
• Wow: E! is asking fans if the site should be a "Speidi-Free Zone." In a poll, the site asks, "Beginning today through Sunday, we are putting it to the fans to decide whether to banish Heidi and Spencer from E! forever, or at least until they do something truly newsworthy." [E!]
• Billy Joel's daughter and ex-wife speak out about his split from wife Katie Lee: daughter Alexa says, "If my dad's happy, I'm happy and I respect any decision that he makes." Chrsitie Brinkley says: "I'm very sad that this has happened, and I wish them both happiness." [Extra]
• Billy Joel's wife Katie Lee was seen dancing "erotically" with fashion designer Yigal Azrouel six months ago, and some say he introduced her to people as his girlfriend. [NY Post]
• Apocalypto: Paris Hilton — and her reality show — have landed in Dubai. [AP]
• 50 Cent spent $33,000 on Tom Ford suits. [Page Six]
• Like Lost? Like Sawyer, aka Josh Holloway? In this clip, he talks about all kinds of stuff — his character, Jack, Juliet, etc. [EW]
• Lost alum Maggie Grace: Returning to Hawaii, but she teases: "I don't know why." [E!]
• I dare you, DARE you to watch this video of Ellen Page, Alia Shawkat (who was Maeby from Arrested Development), and Har Mar Superstar singing "Don't Stop Believing" and not cringe, wince or guffaw. [NY Mag]
• A fourth Mission: Impossible starring Tom Cruise? Just looks desperate. Although having JJ Abrams involved again is interesting. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Jennifer Aniston and Aaron Eckhart star in Love Happens, a movie about a self-help guru with a secret who dates a florist. Except it seems like the secret is given away in the trailer, which is posted at the link. [People]
• Reese Witherspoon with star in Pharm Girl, a comedy about one woman's experience working at a large pharmaceutical company — the longer she works there, the more she sees the "underbelly" of the industry. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Rashida Jones will star in a rom com called Celeste And Jesse Forever, about a divorcing couple who attempt to maintain their friendship while pursuing new relationships. [UPI]
• Coming soon: A Bride Of Frankenstein remake, in which "the monster is a babe," someone like Scarlett Johansson or Anne Hathaway. [Page Six]
• Guy Ritchie's chauffeur: Caught driving without insurance. [The Sun]
• Kelis has filed her financials with the court and it all comes down to the fact that she doesn't have a lot of cash, and having a baby takes money. She'd like Nas to pay up. [TMZ]
• TR Knight is leaving Grey's Anatomy and word is, he wants to do Broadway. Or at least: Theater. [E!]
• Snippet from this Betty White interview: You stole the movie [The Proposal]. And added the sentimentality it needed. That scene in the airplane really got me. "Well aren't you dear. Thank you." There were some other topics I wanted to cover— "Can I get you any coffee or water?" [MovieLine]
• George Lucas is building an office complex that looks exactly like Hearst Castle. [mediabistro.com]
• Critical acclaim for the second season of Mad Men? Duh. [Variety]
• You can't sue the Bionic Woman over a car crash! She doesn't drive. She just runs, making a wannannana - wannanana - sound effect! [TMZ]
• Ozzy Osbourne will appear on Jack Osbourne's show, Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie, in which stars do stuff like bungee jump, white water raft and skydive. [The Sun]
• "Ryan Cabrera Sued over Death Trap Driveway." [TMZ]
• Katie "Jordan" Price got drunk in Ibiza and said to a journalist: "I'm gonna cut your fucking face. I swear to God I'll fucking cut you." Charming! [Daily Mail]
• Is Conan O'Brien losing viewers to David Letterman? [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which ditsy blond didn't seem to care when a crowd of ladies caught her sniffing Colombia's finest - right out in the open - in Atlantic City?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Miss Congeniality was a romantic comedy, I call that a buddy flick. It's a new kind of film. If you really think about it; it wasn't about romance, it was about her saving her friend at the beauty pageant. Men do films like this, The Proposal or Miss Congeniality, all the time and they're considered comedies and there's always love in it. There's always love in it. There's always a relationship. I would like to help create a broader spectrum of categories where the writing gets better. There are great writers out there." — Sandra Bullock. [Reuters]
• "He's like a new man. He really went through something [with that racist tirade incident]. He used to be very angry and bitter. He's completely different now. You can see it, and he can feel it. I'm very happy for him." — Larry David on Michael Richards. [Reuters]
• "I wish I could afford to be here all the time, but it's a very expensive city to work in. It's gotten worse for me. It's gotten better in that they give you tax breaks. But everything (else) has gone up. I work on a very limited budget." — Woody Allen. [USA Today]
• "Chaz is embarking on a difficult journey, but one that I will support. I respect the courage it takes to go through this transition in the glare of public scrutiny, and although I may not understand, I will strive to be understanding ... The one thing that will never change is my abiding love for my child." — Cher, on her daughter's decision to undergo a sex change. [TMZ]
• "Positive is not funny. Nobody laughs at positive, 'What a beautiful day it is!' or how many friends I have, how many people love me. There's nothing funny about that at all. But there's funny in the negative. When you speak in negative terms, the more negative, the funnier it is. Hence, the funny crank." — Larry David. [LA Times]
• "In America, there's such a hunger for young people, so you get the young up-and-coming star. And then it becomes a time period when they really don't know what to do with you or how to use you. And then it changes, I think, after 50 - then you become - 'I'm the mother of the 20-year-old.' So I'm hoping there's going to be a shift again and I'll work more." — Andie MacDowell, who says her 40s were an awkward time because she had trouble finding roles. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "I don't like the word 'cougar' because it just makes me think of teeth and somebody who's biting. We have to come up with a new word." — Countess Luann de Lesseps. [Gatecrasher]
• "You know what, I prefer a flatter-chested look. That's just kind of me. I think it's more of a fashion look. If you look at a lot of high-fashion models and things like that, they're always you know, a little flatter. I like the way clothes fit better…" — Lauren Conrad is not into plastic surgery. [People]
• "We should all believe in something, and I believe it's time for another shot of tequila." — Justin Timberlake. [Page Six]
• "Seriously, this is one of my favorite songs ever. I love the whole album. I'm completely immersed in it. I can't wait for you to hear it." — Mariah Carey on her OWN new single. [NY Daily News]

• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have broken up. Again. This report claims:

They had a fight over Sam's friendship with Nicole Richie, who doesn't like LL and refuses to be in the same room with her. [E!]

• But! Lindsay Lohan's Twitter reads: "Why do people cheat? When love is always standing right in front of their face (s) ?? SR?" [Twitter, The Sun]
• By the by, Lindsay Lohan's rep says London police never questioned her about the missing jewelry from the photo shoot, but that she would comply if necessary. The rep also noted that there were 20 people working at the Elle shoot. [AP]
• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Stephanie Pratt is on the cover of Us Weekly with the words: "The Hills Made Me Bulimic." [Us Magazine]
• Victoria Beckham has reportedly had a third boob job, reducing her double Ds to a 34B. Is the "trend" of inflating mammaries through surgery on the wane? [The Sun]
• Sean Penn has dropped out of two major films: The Three Stooges — which was supposed to start filming in August — and crime thriller Cartel. Penn is taking a break from Hollywood to focus on his family — does this mean he's got a lot of patching up to do with Robin Wright Penn? [Hollywood Reporter]
• Sean Penn has been telling people he "needs personal time." [Deadline Hollywood]
• Chris Brown's lawyer is seeking to delay the hearing — scheduled for Monday. [AP]
• In court papers, Kelis is accusing estranged husband Nas of abandoning her during her pregnancy and claims that she is dependent on Nas' finances. A source says: "Kelis has spent every last penny that she has to cover whatever expenses for the baby that she can but at this point really needs him to step up and share in the responsibility. She physically can't work to bring in any sort of income, as much as she'd like to." [MTV News]
• Guess whose ratings are up? David Letterman's; everybody loves a Sarah Palin kerfluffle. [NY Times]
• Jon Gosselin spent his 10th anniversary weekend in Nyack, NY, having a beer with a friend. A waiter says: "Jon was on the phone most of the time and was definitely talking to his kids." [People]
• Rihanna is being sued for messing up someone's lawn. [TMZ]
• Rihanna and Drake, aka Jimmy from Degrassi: It's still on. [Page Six]
• Simon Cowell claims that he told Susan Boyle she could quit Britain's Got Talent if it was getting to be too much for her. She said to him: "No, I want to win." And with all the hype, she probably thought she would. [The Sun]
• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps was seen dancing, doing tequila shots and "all over a guy in his 20s" in the Hamptons. [Page Six]
• Pretty much everything that comes out of Betty White's mouth in this interview is awesome. She says: "At this age, you don't often get a good part like this. It was an old-fashioned romantic comedy, not with all that garbage they have to throw in these days. And Sandy and Ryan — the chemistry is so good between them. And Anne Fletcher, the director, she's as nutty as the rest of us." [LA Times]
• Mia Farrow's brother, artist Patrick Farrow, has been found dead in his Vermont art gallery. [USA Today]
• Is Owen Wilson dating a Kate Hudson look-alike? [Gatecrasher]
• Four words: Gene Simmons urinal cakes. [Best Week Ever]
• In this interview, Melissa Etheridge talks about medical marijuana, and how it helped her after chemotherapy: "All of a sudden I could get out of bed. I could go see my kid. And it was amazing." She didn't smoke weed — it was mixed into butter and spread on food, or run through a vaporizer. In any case, she thinks medical marijuana should be legal. [CNN]
• Miley Cyrus will star in The Last Song, an adaptation of a Nicholas Sparks flick. Greg Kinnear and Kelly Preston will play her parents. And watch for the soundtrack! The story is about a bellious teen sent to spend the summer with her estranged father. Guess what bridges the gap between them? Music. [Variety]
• Blow-outs, manicures, Botox and spray tans: Beauty "secrets" from the Real Housewives Of New Jersey. [W Magazine]
• Ew. On Larry King, Spencer Pratt called Al Roker an "elderly man" who thought he could "parade my 22-year-old wife on television." [MSNBC Scoop]
• A violent thunderstorm almost shut down Monday night's live broadcast of I'm A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here. My grandma would say it's because they've been acting ugly and God don't like ugly. [Ok]
• The most predictable thing in the world: Carrie Prejean's lawyer claims she was "set up." [E!]
• Whitney Port's show The City will be getting new characters, described as "vixens." This should turn out well. [Page Six]
• Tracey Ullman's State Of The Union on Showtime has been renewed for a third season. [Variety]
• In an interview with The Bangles, the ladies talk about making music and Susanna Hoffs says they have "No record label, no deadline. And that's kind of what's fun about it." [CNN]
• Bam Margera has two new shows: One will show him going back to school (he left in 10th grade) and the other? "It's like a travel show and me and my scumbag friends will be going around and getting into trouble." [Mirror]
• Sorry Superbad fans: there will not be a sequel starring McLovin. [Gatecrasher]
• For everything you never wanted to know about a David Cross/Jim Belushi feud, click the link. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which married hot tamale of an actress has three boyfriends on the side? One is rich, one is pretty and one is a rough-and-tumble Oscar nominee." [Gatecrasher]
• "I've come very close to fucking it all up. I had to give up scotch, because it turns me into a werewolf - and cigarettes, too. I seem to like to kiss trouble on the forehead and then try to back away. I test my limits quite often. I guess that's what 22-year-olds do. But I'm fallible and human and I'm figuring it out. I don't even really know what it is I do for a living - the level of insecurity is very, very high. You're making a lot of money, getting a lot of accolades and positive criticism for something where you don't even know what you're doing. There's no business-model for this; you can't step away, go home and say, 'You did your job today,' because I don't know what my job is! That gets crazy, trying to figure that shit out." — Shia La Beouf. [Guardian]
• "We're getting to know each other and I have to leave it at that." — Paris Hilton on her relationship with famed footballer Cristiano Ronaldo. [Mirror]
• "What a freakin' episode. Freakin' fireplace, freakin' sink, freakin' gorgeous. These were Dina's eloquent words when describing Teresa's marble palace. I laughed when she said, 'You have onyx coming out of your ass.' Now that would be painful." — from Bethenny Frankel's blog on the Real Housewives Of New Jersey finale. [E!]
• "Ben is a great man for the secret exit. Ben always has an escape, I think. It may be a piece of wood, floating on the ocean. Or it may be a rope, or a secret door. Or, you know, an Ecuadorian passport and a plastic bag, something like that. He's probably going to survive." — Michael Emerson, aka Ben Linus on Lost. [E!]
• "My act was like, 'Yeah, I walked in from school on my mom and dad screwing today ... and you go from there, building up such a disgustingly accurate description that the audience would start thinking it was insane what they were listening to - this little kid they can't yell back at, and who can only legally perform if all the alcoholic drinks are taken off the tables. Tough crowd! And telling jokes about things that no 10-year-old should even know about." — Shia LaBeouf, on being a kid comic who performed in adult clubs. [Guardian]
• "I was raised thinking that a relationship like that was just completely wrong. But I can't choose who I fall in love with, and I'm not going to not do something that makes me happy just because people disapprove. It seemed natural to us and that was all that mattered." — Evan Rachel Wood on dating Marilyn Manson. [The Daily Beast]
• "[My first time] I said to the girl, 'Hey, was it good for you, too?' And she said, 'Well, I guess it'll get better eventually.' Sadly, she wasn't right. It wasn't better for her or any of the women who subsequently agreed to sleep with me." — Judd Apatow is horrible in bed. [Page Six]
• "Well, I think your face should still move. And you should be recognizable to your friends. One actress I knew years ago, a really lovely person, had some stuff done, and literally, every time I run into her now I don't recognize her. Every time!" —Michelle Pfeiffer. [Page Six]
• "I begged to have them let me do a nude scene, but they wouldn't, they just wouldn't. I said, 'Well, it's a comedy and I'll get laughs, I guarantee it!' " — Betty White, on The Proposal. [LA Times]

1. Where else will you learn that Ice Cube shops? And "today was a good day" is the best caption ever. He didn't have to use his AK at the grocery store. Phew.

2. Dave Chappelle's kid looks like a tiny, part-Asian Dave Chappelle. Who knew?

3. There is nothing wrong with eye candy.

4. In In Touch, Serena Williams in a bikini was on the "They Could Use A Little Work" page. Here, she's celebrated as being "built for contact." As it should be.

5. Believe-it-or-not stories are always awesome and stranger than fiction.

6. "Dope or Nope" is our new favorite game.

7. Houston — who had a hit song in 2004 called "I Like That" — gouged out his own eye in 2005; may or may not have gone to a mental hospital in 2008 and is currently "on medication." Plus: Updates on R&B stars of the '90s, like the ladies of SWV, Adina "Freak Like Me" Howard and the guys from Next.

8. When your magazine brands itself as "the definitive voice of urban culture," book selections will include a story about a stripper; a novel detailing a "secret sorority" in which ladies have nicknames like "Ride Em High" and "Lick Em"; a "Vixen Manual" and the Sex Games Bible. Who needs Oprah's book club?


Earlier: New Kid On The Newsstand

• New day, same rumor: The "doc" is a diva. So. Did Katherine Heigl get dropped from the cast of cringe-inducing flick Valentine's Day because she wanted too much cash? Her rep says:

"The story is ludicrous." And: "Katherine walked away from this project for multiple reasons." Hmm. Julia Roberts, Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Shirley MacLaine and Bradley Cooper are still in. [Page Six]

• Celebrities are speaking out about the gay marriage ban in California: Melissa Etheridge says: "So, will anyone be sleeping better tonight? Those full of hate and fear will surely be disappointed that 18,000 same sex couples will be living in wedded bliss, kissing their spouses goodnight, checking off those little 'married' boxes on all those forms we fill out nowadays. That's really going to drive them crazy." Lance Bass says: "The decision to uphold Prop 8 is deeply disappointing. I can only hope to one day live in a country that grants equal rights, opportunity, and freedom to all citizens." [Radar Online]
• George Clooney says of the ruling on Prop 8: "This just should invigorate people to get it back on the ballot in 2010 and 2012 and every two years until all people are allowed a basic civil right." [E!]
• Twitterholics Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are threatening to quit Tweeting if Twitter goes forward with its plans to launch a TV show. [NY Mag]
• More Demi Moore: She will make the trip to the UK to watch Susan Boyle in the Britain's Got Talent finale. Simon Cowell offered her (and hubs Ashton) first-class plane tickets. [The Sun]
• This video clip may or may not be footage from the new Amy Winehouse documentary Saving Amy. One thing is for sure: It's boring. If you want to see Amy's dad talk about the villa in St. Lucia for 10 seconds and then see Amy say something unintelligible for about 2 seconds, then go ahead and click. [ONTD]
• News you cannot use: Someone somewhere says of Jesus Luz: "Leave it to Madonna to find the only Jew who's a hot Latino with an uncut penis." Brazilians aren't Latino, though, right? [Village Voice]
• Speaking of Madonna: Artist Peter Howson has created an oil painting of her Madgesty in the nude with her ex, Guy Ritchie, touching her thigh. Honestly? It doesn't exactly look like her. But it's up for auction this week, if you have £22, 000. [Mirror]
• Oh! Jesus Luz speaks! He and Madonna bought jewelry together, but it's not because they're getting married: "I received these pieces of jewellery because they are inspired by Kabbalah," he says. "If I want to present them to somebody, it could be my mother or a friend of mine. I don't have any marriage plans or any wedding present." [Mirror]
• Hugh Jackman's nine-year-old son uttered the following: "Hey dad, 2 o'clock, hot chicks." And, apparently, the kid, Oscar, went up to the girls and said: "Hey, you know that my dad's Wolverine?" [Mirror]
• Michael Lohan was arrested last month when he threatened to kill his fiancée and himself when she tried to dump him. Not good. [Page Six]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are moving to a bigger house in preparation for the twins. [Daily Mail]
• It's not a Mariah Carey gossip item without hairdresser drama and diamonds! [Page Six]
• Robert Pattinson may or may not have hooked up with a blonde chick when he was in the South of France for the Cannes Film Festival. Star spoke to the lady in question, who says: "We had a great time together! Rob's very sweet." Scintillating. [Star]
• If you see a "parade of rats," follow them! You might find Gisele Bundchen, Michael Cera, Rupert Everett and NBC news anchor Lester Holt, who are all experiencing a serious rat problem on their street in the West Village in NYC. [Page Six]
• Russell Brand, who hosted the MTV Awards last year, has advice for Andy Samberg, who's hosting the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday: "Do not jokingly criticise the Jonas Brothers — you will receive less-threatening death threats. There's nothing worse than opening a letter and then seeing in it a death threat. You think, 'Hold on a minute. I wasn't looking forward to the letter particularly. Now I fear death. Ruins a perfectly good read.'" [Mirror]
• Hey, Page Six: This item is called "Kelis & Nas Celebrate Their Baby," yet they're in the middle of a bitter divorce! [Page Six]
• Kevin Kreider, brother of Kate of Jon & Kate Plus 8, says the kids are being exploited and viewed as commodities. Sigh. [CBS News]
• Kirsten Dunst is selling her L.A. home on Nichols Canyon Road; it's got 3 bedrooms and 2 baths, exposed beams in the living room and cute outdoor spaces. Kiki is accepting offers starting at $1,700,000. Go! [Real Estalker]
• Kim Kardashian is not engaged. She doesn't know when she will get engaged. And yet. She is picking out rings. "It's just easier," she explains. "Isn't it easy if someone's like, 'This is exactly what I want.' It'll make your life so easy." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Breaking news from Lady GaGa: "I like boys that look like girls." [Fox News]
• Gavin Rossdale is on the road touring to support his new album, and little Kingston is with him! "Sometimes we'll go to museums of modern art so he can see a big splash of color on the walls… I found a way to kill some time in New York by asking him to look out the window and tell me every time he saw a yellow taxi," says Gavin. "He was so into it. We had a really good time." [People]
• Kelly Osbourne's fiancé saved her dog's life! Little Goldie was bitten by a rattlesnke and Luke rushed the pup to the vet. Kelly Twittered: "Thanks to Luke we got her there just in time. Luke was amazing, if he was not there I don't know what would have happened!" [The Sun]
• "Lifetime Movie Network Tuesday announced plans to air two fashion-themed murder mysteries this summer." LOL. Maggie Lawson stars as Lacey Smithsonian, a Washington, D.C., fashion reporter whose beat turns deadly. LOL! Mark Consuelos, Mario Cantone, Finola Hughes, Mary McDonnell and Victor Webster will be cast in the flicks, titled Killer Hair and Hostile Makeover. LOL. [UPI]
• Jodie Sweetin — aka Stephanie Tanner — has penned a book, UnSweetined, which details her past as a meth, coke, ecstasy and booze abuser who finally straightened out after she discovered she was pregnant. [Page Six]
• James Gandolfini, Will Ferrell, Nicole Kidman, Anne Hathaway and Kevin Spacey will be presenting at the Tony awards. Fingers crossed that they'll all do a musical number together! [Variety]
• James Brown died Christmas 2006, but legal battles over his estate have lived on. Yesterday a judge ruled that half of his assets will go to his charitable trust; a quarter to his wife and young son, and the rest to Brown's adult children. [USA Today]
• Ed McMahon's lawsuit — regarding slipping on a ramp-like staircase at a mansion and hurting his neck — has been settled. [TMZ]
• The promoter who sold tickets to see a fake Toni Braxton sing says that the Braxton impersonator was unaware of his scheme; she thought that everyone knew that she was an impersonator, and didn't find out until later that people purchased tickets expecting to see the real Toni Braxton. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Starting today, fans who visit Graceland get to go in the stables. [USA Today]
• Blind item! "Which beauty now going through a divorce told a pal over lunch four years ago, 'I've had several abortions. If my husband ever found out, he'd throw me out of the house?' Looks like he found out." [Page Six]
• "It's all about history. What we as mothers are doing is creating history with our kids that we can look back on. When they're adults I want my kids to say 'Mom worked so hard, but she was always there for us.'" — Britney Spears, who says she was encouraged by Madonna to take her kids on tour. [The Sun]
• "Playing a bad guy is always a freeing experience - because you don't have the same envelope of restrictions that you have playing a good guy." — John Travolta, who plays a bad guy in The Taking Of Pelham 123. [Mirror]
• "You want people to talk about you, because once they stop talking about you that's when you're really in trouble! I'm happy to have people talk about all the craziness they want to talk about, whether it's things like every year we're getting divorced or we're an open family or Will's gay, or I'm gay." — Jada Pinkett Smith, who graces the new cover of Ebony. [Just Jared]
• "I was on my way to a festival [in Chicago], I was on the street and he (a police officer) stopped me. He said 'put your ass up against the fence,' there were kids around so I guess he wanted me to cover up my butt — quite a bit was showing. But it was quite an epic moment for me, I was up against the fence going ‘it's fashion, I'm an artist!' I signed his ridiculous piece of paper and left. I was being wildly disrespectful to him, he looked like some park ranger on a bike." — Lady GaGa. [Fox News]
• "I had a gentleman turn up on my doorstep all the way from Peru. He said he'd seen my clip on YouTube and had to come congratulate me. That was pretty weird." —Susan Boyle. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I met Randy Jackson, and he asked me to sing on American Idol. I was like, 'Um, I'll stick to dancing.'" —Shawn Johnson. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I've always approached this from the place where I don't compete with other girls. I don't compete with other people in the industry, I compete with myself. If I looked at every other girl in the entertainment industry as competition, my life would be really lonely. I wouldn't have some of the coolest friends that I'm so glad I've gotten to know over the last couple of years. ... It's really awesome to get to hang out with those girls [Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez] and to call them friends." — Taylor Swift. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "I'm home from the hospital and feeling great. Thanks for all the love and support!" — Elizabeth Taylor, via Twitter. [Reuters, Liz Taylor's Twitter]
• "I couldn't marry John Mayer, it'd be so intense. I'd definitely shag the shit out of him though. I'll go on record saying that." — Katy Perry. [The Sun via Complex]

• Sarah Jessica Parker talked to Access Hollywood about her new twin girls. She's mad about how the media is hounding her surrogate, and explains that she turned to surrogacy many disappointments trying to conceive.

• "Yeah, I mean I couldn't pretend otherwise," she said. "It would be a complicated – it would be odd to have made this choice if I was able to, you know, have successful pregnancies since my son's birth." She added, "I'm in disbelief. I'm really grateful. I feel really fortunate. My son is so excited, my husband is so excited." [Access Hollywood]
• Jennifer Aniston has been given time off from filming The Baster and promoting Management because she's suffering from exhaustion. "Her life is hectic anyway with her producing responsibilities and the pressure of being in the public eye all the time," says a friend. "It all just caught up with her in the last few days so she's been told to take a break. She's exhausted." [The Sun]
• Quentin Tarantino did a Pulp Fiction-like dance on the red carpet at the premiere of Inglorious Basterds with French actress Melanie Laurent. [Yahoo via AFP]
• Brad Pitt says he doesn't remember why he agreed to do Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds. Pitty says: "Quentin came to visit some time at the end of the summer, we talked about backstory, we talked about movies - I get up the next morning and see five empty bottles of wine right on the floor, five, and something that resembles a smoking apparatus - I don't know what that was about - and apparently I had agreed to do this film." [Mirror]
• Despite rumors that their relationship is on the rocks, there are pictures here snapped at a restaurant in Cannes of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie kissing. [The L.A. Times]
• In this Huffington Post editorial, Alec Baldwin apologizes to the people of the Philippines about his "mail-order bride" joke. He writes, "Such anger and frustration about the issue of sex trafficking is understandable. The Philippines has suffered significant problems with the issue of sex trafficking and I would like to turn your attention to the work of an organization called Love146 that my brother Stephen educated me about." Also contrary to popular belief, he doesn't want U.S. autoworkers to lose their jobs. [The Huffington Post]
• Amy Winehouse was hospitalized for the third time in three months yesterday, but she was released a few hours later. She was supposed to perform in London at the end of the month, but a source says, "Amy's gig might as well be canceled now. She's not going to make it. It's not worth her while even if she does make it, it will be a shambles." [Perez Hilton]
• Terri Seymour, Simon Cowell's ex, was assaulted after attending the American Idol finale last night. A woman walked up to Terri, asked if she was Simon's girlfriend, then attacked her and tried to choke her. The suspect, Janice Thibodeaux, was arrested for felony battery and is being held on bail. [TMZ]
• In an interview from prison, Janice Thibodeaux said the attack was retaliation from Simon Cowell choking Paula Abdul on American Idol the other night. "I wasn't cool with Simon Cowell choking Paula Abdul on the show last week and with her crying-out ‘help' as he did so," Thibodeaux said. "Nobody said anything about that so I wanted to confront him about it because that is not appropriate behavior, is it?" [Radar]
• Kate Gosselin is now blogging. She wrote about her recent trip to Party City to buy stuff for the kids' birthday, saying, "Jon was unexpectedly away. We mistakenly got our wires crossed and I ended up having no help from our babysitter, so I decided I'd brave this adventure by myself!!!" [Just Jared]
• In a new interview Jason Hummel, who has accused his sister Deanna Hummel of having an affair with Jon Gosselin says, "Personally, I do think they're going to continue seeing each other. I think they think they can get away with it." [E!]
• After Mary Carey made a porn parody of Celebrity Rehab, saying she liked, "Dr. Screw more than Dr. Drew," Dr. Drew Pinsky Tweeted: "Mary's choice to mock ... makes me sad." Carey told TMZ, she "loves Dr. Drew and wasn't trying to make fun of him or mock him." Dr. Drew Tweeted back to Carey: "Not mad just sad that you are getting sucked back in, please give [your AA sponsor] a call. I know it must be difficult." [TMZ]
• There are rumors that Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are engaged because she was photographed wearing what looked like an engagement ring. Her rep said: "I am aware of the images. However, I am not in a position to comment." [People]
• Ann Kelly, the New Jersey woman accused of having an affair with Bruce Springsteen, has filed divorce papers against her husband saying that he was abusive, cheated on her, and made up the Springsteen rumor because, "he and his attorney felt there could be 'big money' in this ... because, true or not, the celebrity would want this to 'go away.'" [People]
• Here's the album art for Britney Spears' new single "Radar." [BritneySpears.com]
• Yesterday, CBS cancelled Medium. Today they saved it. Also renewed for next season are The Ghost Whisperer, The Mentalist, The Unit, Without A Trace, Eleventh Hour. [E!]
• Yesterday John Mayer Tweeted: "I love how some dudes hate me for dating their fantasy girl, as if they were going to if I hadn't." [Pop Sugar]
• Lindsay Lohan started her day yesterday with a business meeting and in the wee hours of the morning today she showed up at Samantha Ronson's house. [Socialite Life]
• Here are some pictures from the new CW show The Beautiful Life. It's about a house full of models so Corbin Bleu, Mischa Barton, and company are all giving their best Blue Steel. [Just Jared]
• Here are the cast photos from the new Melrose Place. It is not about a house full of models, so Ashlee Simpson and company really have no reason to look so sullen. [Just Jared]
• Cher is in talks with producers to star with Christina Aguilera in the movie Burlesque. [E!]
• Wayne Allwine, the actor who voiced Mickey Mouse for more than 30 years, has died. [USA Today]
• The start of Michael Jackson's London comeback concerts have been pushed back from July 8 to July 13. [USA Today]
• Michael Vick has left a Kansas federal prison. He will serve the last two months of his 23-month sentence in home confinement in Virginia. [CNN]
• Rafiq Qureshi, father of Slumdog Millionaire star Rubina Ali, says that his home was destroyed in the slum demolition drive, but authorities say his home was not one of those that were razed. [CNN]
• Ghostbusters III may start shooting this fall, and there are many more rumors at the link. [Ain't It Cool News]
• Peter Andre spent the last week with his family in Cyprus, but he has returned to England to deal with his divorce from Katie Price. [The Sun]
• Peter Andre got a nasty surprise when he came home. Katie Price told housekeepers to pack up all of his belongings and put them in storage. [The Daily Mail]
• Nas has asked a judge to deny his estranged wife Kelis' request for support payments. He says she can pay her own way now, even though she's weeks from giving birth. [TMZ]
• Here's video of Carrie Prejean practicing for her Fox News debut by serving as anchor on a local San Diego TV station. [TMZ]
• Justin Long says he's a pretty good boyfriend, but "I have a time-management problem that's not very appealing for girls," he says. "I'm not very good with that – I'd say that's definitely a flaw that I'm trying to work on." He added that his biggest flaw is, "I'm too good a lover." [People]
• America's Got Talent judge Piers Morgan had Stevie Wonder record a wedding proposal for Morgan's girlfriend. He says, "I met [Wonder] in L.A. and I got him to record a marriage proposal to my girlfriend Celia on video, so it's ready to unleash should I need it. He's her favourite singer, so this is a powerful tool to have up my sleeve, but I have to choose the right moment." [The Daily Express]
• "The most A-list celebrity? I'd love to see Hugh Jackman! Wouldn't he be handsome up there doing the fox-trot?" - So You Think You Can Dance? judge Mary Murphy, on who she'd love to see on the show. Jackman does love to dance, but somehow it seems unlikely. [E!]
• The secluded home on an island in the Baltic Sea where Ingmar Bergman spent his final days is up for sale. [Yahoo]
• Ashley Olsen will be on the cover of Hamptons magazine. [Fashionista]
• Beyonce says that in addition to purposely buying clothing that is too small, she inspires herself to lose weight by looking at a painting in her gym of an Oscar statue. "I look at it, and I'm like, OK, I have to stay in shape," she says. However, she added that she felt she was too thin in Dreamgirls. I felt very chic, like a model," she says. "But it didn't look natural for me. I didn't feel very sexy or feminine, and I didn't have much confidence because I didn't feel like myself." [Yahoo]
• Soulja Boy Tweets: "Technology is so advanced from like 10 years back. I'm in the club last night chick sittin directly across me talking to me on Twitter LOL." [E!]
• When America didn't vote to make Gilles Marini the winner of Dancing With the Stars they made his son cry. "My son looked at me and started crying because he wanted me to get that trophy," Gilles said. "He was just crying and crying and crying. I feel so badly because I want to be with him but now I am flying to New York. I feel like a bad daddy because I can't see him and hold him." Are you happy now? [E!]

• As you'll recall, Shia LaBeouf injured his hand in a car crash in July 2008. He says: "I'll never be back to 100 percent or have full recovery." And:

"I can't zipper my zipper or button my shirt without extreme pain. But I chalk it up as my own s—-. These things had to happen. This accident is what I needed in my life. I'm not in control. For the first time, I can admit that and know that. I'm a fallible individual, and the hand is like a tattoo that says MISTAKE. It's something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life." [People via Playboy]

• "When I first started the role of Wolverine, back for the first X-Men movie, I watched a lot of Mike Tyson videos in my trailer," says Hugh Jackman."The way he just goes straight in. I kept saying to the writers, 'Don't give me long, choreographed fights for the sake of it. Don't make the fights pretty.' Like Tyson, if Wolverine wants to take your . . . head off, he's going to do it." [LA Times]
• Even though Tyra Banks' stalker was found guilty, he won't go to jail: He'll "get help" for his "unhealthy obsession." [NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Madonna is not leaving her kids with Guy Ritchie while she tours this summer in Europe. She Twittered: "They go where I go." [Perez, The Star]
• Michael Jackson is afraid to fly to the UK because he's terrified of SWINE FLU. [Telegraph]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: When Chris Brown calls her producer looking for her, Rihanna says, "Tell him I'm not here." [OK!]
• Lindsay Lohan is being painted as "desperate" and "crafty": She has arranged to be in London next month at the same time as Samantha Ronson. LL will be doing a shoot for British Vogue; Sam is headed to do a series of DJ gigs. [Daily Mail]
• This report claims that Lindsay Lohan is such a train wreck, Harry Morton, who dated her 3 years ago about bought her an engagement ring, now sorta denies it: "I didn't really date her . . . I really didn't," the Hard Rock Café heir says. "It's embarrassing being known for that. I'd like to be known for stuff I've created or things I've done. I don't want to be known for that. No way." [Page Six]
• Andy Samberg once found $5,000 extra in his bank account. He assumed it was an error. After four months, nothing happened, so he kept it. [Gatecrasher]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, is adding to her posse of little mouths to feed: She's getting a shih tzu. [MSNBC]
• Sandra Bullock is being inducted into the Warren Easton High School hall of fame later this month. She's donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to the Louisiana school since Katrina ravaged the area in 2005. A spokesman from the school says: "Sandra did not attend Warren Easton High School, but we proudly claim her as one of our own." [Daily Express]
• Sad face: Singer Kelis, who is 7 months pregnant, has filed for divorce from her husband, the rapper Nas. [TMZ, People, NY Daily News]
• Q.You play the villain Nero in Star Trek. How would he fare against another bad guy you've played, Chopper? In a steel cage match, who wins? Eric Bana: Ohhh, goodness. Well...I'll say Chopper. [Laughs] But who knows? [EW]
• Hayden Panettiere has auditioned to be Chace Crawford's leading lady in the Footloose remake. They're both so large eyed and pretty, it's gonna be tough to focus on the singing and dancing. Oh, yeah, the movie is a full-blown musical. [E!]
• It's hard to even read this story without bursting into laughter at the picture of Robert Pattinson in his Dali moustache. And then the headline has the words "gay sex scenes." LOL. [LA Times]
• Kanye West's new book, Thank You And You're Welcome, is out now. Here is a snippet: "Love your haters. They're your biggest fans!" And: "Never complain without offering a solution! I'm often seen as complaining in situations when I lose. I see it more as an explanation of why I should have won." [Men.Style.com]
• Ousted ANTM contestant Fo (my fave!) is pissed that she was sent home: "Honestly, I don't want to sound too bitchy or catty, but I do think Celia [Ammerman] should've gone home before me, or instead of me, because I can put on a pair of six-inch heels and be tall, [but she] can't change. Age isn't something you can drastically change." [E!]
• Roman Polanski has not taken any steps to surrender next week: He's due in US court if he wants his case examined, but if he sets foot on US soil, he faces immediate arrest as a fugitive. He has not contacted the court or the LA County Sheriff's Dept. [LA Times]
• "Rebecca Romijn Lost 60 Lbs. after Twins – Without Exercise!" [People]
• Jada Pinkett returns to TV for the first time since the '90s with a TNT show HawthoRNe, in which she plays a hospital nursing director. [USA Today]
• Real Housewives gossip: Jill Zarin was "acting like a total nightmare" in a high-end boutique. [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate Olsen's boyfriend, Nate Lowman, has created a piece of art which mocks Lizze Grubman's SUV accident, an its in the MOMA. Grubman says: "I don't understand how a picture of me during a tragic time in my life can be considered art." [Page Six]
• Jim Carrey is in talks to star in The Beaver, a flick which "enters on the relationship between a man and a beaver puppet he wears on his arm, which he talks to and treats as a companion." [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Here's video of Johnny Knoxville discussing the documentary he produced, The Wild And Wonderful Whites Of West Virginia. The Whites are a family known for wreaking havoc. [NY Times]
• A newspaper in NJ is mad that Jay Leno made fun of their headlines: Page on claimed "School taxes going up" and page two's headline was "School Taxes Going Down." A spokesperson for the paper said: "Apparently Jay and the NBC folks didn't bother to read the actual stories, and instead got a great laugh out of what they thought was some kind of hilarious blunder on our part. Two different school districts. Two different tax situations. Is it really that complicated?" [Poynter]
• Miranda Kerr is not engaged to Orlando Bloom or publicly trying to get pregnant, but she was pestered by a reporter into saying that she eventually wants kids. Then she was asked about Heidi Klum's pregnancy. [E!]
• "It looks like Linda Hogan isn't the only thing her 19-year-old boyfriend is allowed to ride — a judge just blocked the Hulkster's attempt to keep the youngster from driving his cars too." You stay classy, TMZ. [TMZ]
• Farrah Fawcett's son Redmond O'Neal will enter rehab instead of going to jail. [People]
• Leonard Nimoy will receive a "special gong" at this year's Saturn Awards, given out by the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror Films. [Mirror]
• Trivia! Elliott Gould is the only non-Muppet actor to be in two separate Muppet movies. [BlackBook]
• Blind item! "Which closeted TV icon should be more careful about whom he dates? He has been squiring an infamous gay bartender around town, and everyone's noticing." [Gatecrasher]
• "Everybody has a little mischief in them - I do. I like to live on the edge a little bit, and other times I think I'm boring and passive like everybody else. I've been working 15 months straight, so these days I feel like all I can do is have a day at work and then go to bed." — Ryan Reynolds. [Mirror]
• "I've been very fortunate to get to know both Schreiber brothers very well." — Carla Gugino, who has done nude scenes with both Pablo and Liev Schreiber. [NY Mag]
• "If you ever catch your present girlfriend at a sex shop with her two ex-boyfriends and they're examining dildos, she's not the right one for you." — Breckin Meyer. [GQ]
• "All these random little stories become someway, somehow newsworthy, so you have to be very secretive about everything." — Robert Pattinson. [E!]
• "I think that my song selections are a little more hip. I know they're more uptempo. They're funky, they're sassy, they've got attitude." — Reba McEntire, who says last year's tour with Kelly Clarkson changed her perspective. [USA Today]
• "I loved rock'n'roll but there's got to be something behind the rock'n'roll. There had to be. We found, of course, that it was the blues. And, therefore, if you really want to learn the basics, then you've got to do some homework. We all felt there was a certain gap in our education, so we all scrambled back to the 20s and 30s to figure out how Charlie Patton did this, or Robert Johnson, who, after all, was and still probably is the supremo. Blues didn't just mean doing one thing or another — there was a lot of room to manoeuvre around the blues." — Keith Richards. [Guardian]
• "It's been two years since I washed my hair." — Prince Harry. [The Sun]
• From Heidi Montag's Twitter: "im so sad to leave mexico! im ready to get out of the pig flue country though… We landed!! Now I am just praying for health!" Also, she thanks God for her "soul mate," Spencer. [People, HeidiMontag's Twitter]
• "When I was four, my dad was performing with Aretha Franklin and, even though he made sure I was backstage with the nanny, I wanted to get up there and dance so much that I ran on to the stage. I was passed around all these great artists and Aretha held on to me so tight. All I wanted to do was entertain." — Miley Cyrus. [Daily Mail]
• "It's interesting, the older I get the younger they get. When I was younger they were all 50 and 60. I'm going to stop there though. I'm heading into dangerous territory if I get any younger." — Michelle Pfeiffer, on her costars. [Daily Express]
• "I'm trying to get [two-year-old son] Kingston to listen to the No Doubt records. He didn't know the No Doubt records, so now I'm forcing him to listen to them, and I think he's going to get into it if I can get him to stop listening to Miley Cyrus. He's listening to the Disney Channel a lot. But I think [nine-month-old son] Zuma is more of a No Doubt fan than King is." — Gwen Stefani. [Mirror via MTV]

• Aww, lookit: BritBrit on the cover of Rolling Stone, looking healthy and happy. She says: "I feel like an old person now. I do! I go to bed at, like, 9:30 every night, and I don't go out or anything." Oh! But Britney did go on a date recently, and took her assistant and a manager's friend with her. "Right when we got there, we just knew it was just bad," she says. "He looked like an older version of Harry Potter, but skinnier. So I had to get dessert first." Plus! Her kids "are starting to learn words like 'stupid,' and Preston says the f-word now sometimes. He doesn't get it from us. He must get it from his daddy." [ONTD, USA Today, The Sun]
• With good news must come bad: Amy Winehouse was rushed to the hospital after screaming fight with Blake Formerly Incarcerated. [The Sun]
• Why is Kate Moss all scratched up and bruised? [Daily Mail]
• Click to see Lindsay Lohan sneak vodka into her drink: Caught on camera! [The.Life Flies]

• The Boy George trial has begun! A Norwegian male escort claims he was chained to the wall and beaten by the former Culture Club singer. The court heard about sex toys, leather straps, cocaine: The usual. [Daily Mail, BBC News]
• In his first interview since the plane crash, Travis Barker explains why he has filed a lawsuit: "If something goes wrong that's not supposed to go wrong or you fall victim of it, I think you should be compensated." [Perez Hilton, People]
• Shanna Moakler's been hanging out with Travis Barker lately — and she's been wearing her wedding ring. [TMZ]
• Spencer and Heidi didn't just elope: They got married on November 20. They were able to keep the wedding secret until this week. The ceremony was held on the beach in Mexico, and it wasn't planned. There were no family members present and it took about 15 minutes. [Perez Hilton]
• Spencer's wedding vows: "Heidi, from the moment you came into my life, I knew my life would never be the same without you. You are the light in my life like the sun to the earth! Your loving warmth makes me want to be a better person…" Oy. [Perez Hilton]
• Heidi "couldn't stop crying" after saying her vows. [MSBC]
• Uh-oh, Heidi didn't tell her dad about marrying Spencer. "I would be upset if she got married and didn't invite me!" Bill Montag says. [People]
• Look for all the wedding pictures in Us magazine. More in Midweek Madness today! [Perez Hilton]
• Nicole Kidman is psyched her daughter, Sunday Rose, is "born and bred" in Nashville. "I hope she has a Southern accent." [People, Sydney Morning Herald]
• Number one on E!'s "Top 10 Sexiest Women" list? Belly-button-less icon, Karolina Kurkova. Number 2 is Bar Rafaeli, and Angelina Jolie is a mere third. Scarlett Johansson is chopped liver. [Mirror]
• Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance: Daddy-to-be! His wife Lindsey is expecting a child in summer 2009. A tiny nü-goth emo kid? [NY Times]
• Madonna: "I'm sad about my personal life, but I feel very blessed and very lucky that I have the opportunity to do what I do in my professional life. It would be horrible if I was just thinking about getting a divorce and had nothing to do." Lord, imagine if she had nothing to do??? [AP]
• In an e-mail, A-Rod's soon-to-be-ex-wife, Cynthia, writes: "My 6-foot-3, 220-pound, soul-less, soon-to-be ex-husband is abandoning his kids on Thanksgiving to be with Madonna. She called and he ran on her command back to New York City… Gross!" A source says: "Alex likes a woman with a strong hand. He likes to be told what to do. He's a bit of a cipher." [Page Six]
• Tom Cruise admits that his past erratic behavior was maybe not endearing. "There are things that I could have done better," he says. I was surprised at the criticism but it brought everyone closer together: Katie’s entire family and my family." Also, he says: We’ll have more children, I’m saying this, but Kate’s not here!" On Suri: "She’s happy and fun. She’ll just wave to people in the street." [Mirror]
• Oh, plus: "I have to say some of those paparazzi shots of my daughter are incredible," Tom says. Agreed! These snaps of Suri eating a cupcake are brain-exploding cuteness. [Daily Mail]
• Joel Madden is "thrilled" his friends Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz have a kid. "They are going to be great parents. They both have really big hearts." [People]
• Evan Rachel Wood and Joseph Gordon Levitt: It's on. [Perez Hilton]
• Reese Witherspoon says she doesn't know why there are rumors that she didn't get along with Vince Vaughn while shooting Four Christmases… not that we ever heard those rumors. She says: "We're very good friends and very much partners on this movie. We decided to produce it together and we re-wrote the script together and every day was like: 'How are we going to do this?' 'What are we going to do now?'" Related: The flick looks shitty. [UPI]
• Celebrities blog. [Reuters]
• Simon Cowell and his ex, Terri Seymour, talk five times a day? [The Star]
• Oh and Terri denies that Simon paid her off after they broke up: "I was horrified when I read that he’s supposed to have given me $10m or whatever. I was like, ‘Why?’ I’ve worked myself since I was 12 years old. I’ve always been very independent and I’m lucky that I still work like I do." [Mirror]
• Jude Law and Sadie Frost ran into each other at a party, but kept a frosty distance, heh. [The Sun]
• Julianne Hough: Looking to be a pop star now that she's hung up her Dancing shoes. [People]
• Speaking of Dancing With The Stars, Joey Fatone talks shit about the contestants: "Kim Kardashian, ugh, she has no personality at all. It was painful to watch. Lance Bass can't point his toe for shit… he had to have two Red Bulls before doing the jive." [Page Six]
• America's Next Top Model is thisclose to getting renewed for a 13th cycle. [Yahoo News]
• Is Paris Hilton in denial about her breakup with Benji Madden? "Right now we’re just taking a break,” she told Life & Style magazine. "We both love each other very much, and we’ll see what happens in the future. My work schedule is out of control, so it’s hard for us to have time for each other. It’s going to be really hard being alone during the holidays, but I’m lucky to have a great family." [MSNBC]
• Paris, who was dumped via voicemail earlier this month, talked about how much she loves Benji on Ryan Seacrest's radio show. She should have dedicated a song to him, old-skool steez. [Mirror]
• Everyone is over Paris anyway, she was booed at a club in Hollywood this weekend. [Page Six]
• Cloris Leachman talks about her health: She's got asthma, but it turned into pneumonia maybe, or bronchitis, but now she says, "I'm better than I've been in years." [ET]
• Kevin Spacey was given a special theater award for rejuvenating one of London's best-loved play houses, the Old Vic. [Telegraph]
• Chinese people are angry that Guns N' Roses called their album Chinese Democracy. [ABC News]
• Jason Lee and Ceren Alkac: Married. Back in July. Guess it was a secret. And they have a baby girl, born in August, and they haven't released her name, but we can only hope it's as, uh, unique as Lee's son's name, Pilot Inspektor. [People]
• Boston Legal: Case closed. As in, show cancelled. [UPI]
• Paul McCartney spills on his new relationship! "I just like being in love," he says. Yawn. [People]
• Legendary producer David Foster says working with Paul McCartney was "a little like being on a bad date. Ten bad dates, maybe." [Rush & Molloy]
• The new show on A&E, Steven Seagal: Lawman, will follow the actor as he fights crime in Louisiana. Did you know he was a police officer??? [Daily Express]
• Bryant Gumbel's 29-year-old son Bradley was arrested for an alleged DUI last week. [TMZ]
• The guy shot dead to the Hollywood Scientology Center had made prior threats, and less than a month ago he was arrested somewhere for swinging an ax at an Auto Club employee who was bringing him gas for his car. [LA Times]
• George Takei's husband is wondering why George hasn't been wearing his wedding ring while on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here: "I can't tell if George is wearing his and that worries me. Maybe he doesn't want it covered in grime," Brad Altman frets. [Mirror]
• Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees had a standoff with security guards and missed his flight after refusing to let security staff search his bag. What do you think was in there? [Mirror]
• James Jagger — son of Mick, with Jerry Hall as his mother — has landed his first film role. The 23-year-old is playing Alessandro Grimani, a pupil, in a biopic of the composer Vivaldi. [Telegraph]
• After she crashed her car and killed a woman two years ago, Brandy was super depressed. "There was a point when I didn't feel like it was OK to live on, because someone else lost their life," she says. "I really didn't know what to do. I was in limbo for a long time. I didn't go outside for months." [Page Six]
• Rapper Nas feels relevant because his album has a song called "Black President" on it. [Rolling Stone]
• RIP screenwriter John Michael Hayes (nominated for Academy Awards for Hitchcock's Rear Window and for Peyton Place), dead at age 89. [AP]
• "Some of the women who became my friends while I was incarcerated have visited with me. There are some very interesting women there of great value to society, and I keep in contact with them. We have some broken systems in this country - one is the prison system." — Martha Stewart. [Page Six]
• "People want to know what Van Damme is. I'm a mass-audience guy. When I go to Russia or Brazil, the people all come en masse, because I'm a guy from the people who made me famous, not the papers or the studios." — Jean-Claude Van Damme. [USA Today]
• "The way I see it is that Peaches [Geldof] is a very lost, sad little girl. And at one point I was like that, so I don’t want to judge. Instead of everyone picking on her, they should try to help. It’s all a bit sad to be honest with you. f she loves him then good for her, but if it was done for attention, it’s a bit sad. I did stuff like that when I was 19 as well, like get a tattoo because it pissed my mum off. It’s just a great big cry for help. Maybe all she needs is a hug." — Kelly Osbourne. [The Sun]
• "I think there is too much of it. You can't turn on the telly without somebody being judged by four people, whether they are on ice, or on the stage or in the jungle. I'm not very keen on it. I watch it — like everybody. It's compulsive viewing but so is a traffic accident. It doesn't encourage creativity." — Paul McCartney, on reality TV. [Telegraph]
• "Beyonce is great, so lovely and down to earth and talented. She’s definitely inspiring. I might go into acting like her if the right thing comes along, like a small movie part. I’m working on my clothing line." — Leona Lewis. [The Sun]
• "Actually I'm not in the tabloids anymore. I am sometimes, but I've watched the culture change. I'm old hat. And I love it. You know what it is with me? This is something I'd like to clarify. I've heard people say, 'Because you hide, it makes you seem ungrateful.' The mere fact that these - I'll use the word piles - are earning money from exploiting my image is the only reason I hide myself or am not a photo-friendly person. I do not like the way they conduct themselves. I think they're disrespectful and dangerous. The reason I don't pose or smile or that I seem mad is that I don't want them to make a living off my private life." — Leonardo DiCaprio on "boycotting" the paparazzi. [Daily Express]

MEGAN: Let us kick off the first of two airport-edition Crappy Hours! Impressions of Frankfurt: very large and very shiny, and the people behind me are either eating egg salad or changing a baby's diaper.

SPENCER: Part I: Germany. What's in german egg salad? Is it like the potato salad, which is like potato salad here except flossy?

MEGAN: I'm going to take a wild guess and suggest it probably includes dill, since I always think dill smells like ass and have trouble eating it without a touch of a gag reflex kicking in. There was a potato salad consumed at some point this weekend, but I'll be damned if I really noticed a difference.

SPENCER: you're out of your mind! Dill is one of the most soothing aromatics you can have. My mother immediately disapproves of this CH and speaking of things to disapprove of, should we talk about McCain & Obama on Iraqhanistan or is that just me hijacking your feature?

MEGAN: We should definitely talk McCain and Obama and the Surge and whatever. And please apologize to your mom for me. If she wants me to give it a second chance, I will. So, like, they disagree about it, is what I'm given to understand.

SPENCER: what's amazing is that as recently as two months ago, McCain was denying the need for additional troops in Afghanistan

MEGAN: Oh, well, I mean, if we're going to be in Iraq in 100 years, we probably need a refueling point.

SPENCER: even as 2008 casualties in Afghanistan are nearly match the US death toll in all of 2007 and we're only at July 16 but Obama has been saying for almost a solid motherfucking year that we need to redeploy some forces from Iraq, which is not strategically crucial, to Afghanistan, which is.

MEGAN: Oh, man, that ain't good. Actually, I was talking about that with some Germans, too, they think we've fucked up Afghanistan pretty well.

SPENCER: yesterday McCain flipflops and basically adopts Obama's position, except he starts acting a bitch and saying Obama doesn't understand the "success of the surge":

“Senator Obama will tell you we can’t win in Afghanistan without losing in Iraq. In fact, he has it exactly backwards. It is precisely the success of the surge in Iraq that shows us the way to succeed in Afghanistan. It is by applying the tried and true principles of counterinsurgency used in the surge, which Senator Obama opposed, that we will win in Afghanistan.”

MEGAN: Oh, well, that's me, you, Obama, more than half of all Americans and a majority of Congress, so I feel like Obama's in good company.

SPENCER: now, on the one hand, I admire McCain's tactical savvy — he's disguising his retreat with an artillery barrage, which is sensible, but substantively, it's fucking crackers

MEGAN: Wait, so, like, when we're done surging in Iraq we're going to surge in Afghanistan? Is that what McCain's suggesting?

SPENCER: the idea that we can apply the "lessons" of Iraq — and McCain is dead-set on applying the wrong lessons — to a much, much much different country is insane yeah and that we've got to call it a SURGE because SURGEs are totally rad and he was in favor of the SURGE and the SURGE worked except when it doesn't.

MEGAN: I'll bet you he calls it surging rather than thrusting when he takes his once-a-year Viagra and bangs Cindy, too. Also, what are the lessons of Iraq? If you stick enough cannon fodder on the street the insurgents will quiet down until we go? Good plan.

SPENCER: and the most asinine thing? Obama is saying, fine, ok, you want to say Iraq is safer, whatevs, that means we should take our troops from a safe place and put them in a place that we need to make safe McCain says that security in Iraq means we have to stay forever; violence in Iraq means we have to stay forever; we need to redeploy some forces from Iraq so we can SURGE in Afghanistan; but not too many because that will mean Iraq will become less secure and that means we have to stay there forever. Okay, what else should we talk about?

MEGAN: Does McCain think that if he talks about it in the most confusing and obfuscating way possible that the rest of Americans will be as confused as the 30 percent that still like Bush and vote for him?
SPENCER: oh man - i want to make a web video of the 26 percent that still supports Bush

MEGAN: We could talk about McCain advisor Phil Gramm's porn career? And particularly the Nixon-imitator porn film, only I might start gagging again if I think too hard about that. Nixonland has a whole new meaning to me over here.

SPENCER: as, like, forming the 26 Percent Nation and harassing people on their way to work as street preachers dressed in weird robes and vestments with swords

MEGAN: Oooh, I would totally go harass Bush supporters. Only it would be hard to find any in Germany outside the Merkel government and even really in.

SPENCER: "You know you know you know Katrina was a hoax! They they they they said the levees broke but they they they they never broke, they never broke! We fight in Iraq so the terrorists won't make us fight in Dubuque and they'd follow us home because they like to chase freedom because they they they they hate freedom! You only chase what you HATE!"

MEGAN: And don't forget how they want to hurt our malls. Our malls! The symbols of our culture!

SPENCER: i recall reading a Doonesbury comic like 15 years ago about Phil Gramm bankrolling pornosbut Mighty Max gets yet another hot story.

MEGAN: And, yet, it's actually fucking true? The hell? And his bankrolled Nixon porn. He might as well have bankrolled Reagan bukkake porn.

SPENCER: hahaha Truck Stop Women

MEGAN: No rig too big?

SPENCER: i had a girlfriend last year who's an artist and she also used to drive trucks w her ex-bf; she designed an entire metallurgy show around truck stops, and made this awesome belt buckle around the 'No Lot Lizard' symbol, lot lizards being truck-stop whores

MEGAN: Yeah, I'm actually aware of the term. Actually, every time I drive home, between Hazleton and the NY border, there are all these billboards for massage parlors and every single time I wonder... that would be easy for the cops to figure out, right?

SPENCER: I'm waiting for Rick Perlstein's take on naked Nixon. Yeah, you should get a massage, see what they offer you.

MEGAN: I'm going to guess we will all be equally horrified.

SPENCER: oh before I forget, the new Nas record totally shouts out Jezebel
on a great track called "America".

MEGAN: Usually, by that point in the ride, I am considering it even though I'm totally sure it wouldn't be as good as my normal masseur, Antoine's, hands.

SPENCER: You have a normal masseur?

MEGAN: When I had a grown-up job I hated that paid me a lot of money, I paid Antoine to rub my naked body with oil and talk to me with his French accent once every two weeks in the middle of the work day. Usually about the time my Wonkette column was set to run. Both made me hate my life marginally less.

SPENCER: And at this point every dude who reads CH has just excused himself to furtively enjoy a tender moment.

• Rapper Nas is partnering with Fila. The company will pay for his tour and album, he'll wear their stuff and create a "late-80's"-inspired line. [Adage]
• You will be relieved and delighted to hear that celebrity? socialite? sex-taper? Aha! television personality Kim Kardashian is launching a perfume. "It all started when my mom introduced me to famous perfumer Caroline Sabas from Gras, France. She and I have been working together to create a scent that is uniquely me that I can share with everyone!" [Official Kim Kardashian]
• Renaissance woman, polymath and Strokes-dater Agyness Deyn can add "DJ" to her ever-lengthening resume (which one can only assume is printed on hot-pink paper and doesn't actually exist). [New York Magazine]
• Tan television personality and alleged designer Michael Kors "dishes" on Condi Rice, Anna Wintour and that skintight black tee he always "sports." [Huffington Post]
• Hey, you guys watch The Closer? Me either. Anyhoo, QVC's selling a replica of Kyra Sedgwick's purse. [UPI]

• Project Runway's prolific breeder and steely redhead Laura Bennett brings you swimsuit advice. [Blogging Project Runway]
• Atlanta Jeans gang steals over a million dollars' worth of premium denim. [WWD]
• Kate Moss, Lily Allen, Scarlett, Liv, my brother are all, for some reason, sporting Wayfarers. [Independent]
• Stars also like really, really big watches. So they're never late! [ElleUK]
• Surf-wear company Billabong buys skateboard company Sector 9. One assumes this will upset either skaters or surfers, but maybe they can't be bothered. [News.com.au]
• Hey, you like that cross-dresser from the new Marc Jacobs ads? Good, cause here's more of him. [Style.com]
• New Valentino designer did the old man proud. [Yahoo]
• Oh, yeah...the fancy mascaras that give you longerfulleryoingerbettersmarterextreme lashes? They can also cause glaucoma and blindness. [New York Times]
• Katharine Hamnett channels Baywatch. "Hamnett has linked up with the Environmental Justice Foundation, or EJF, to produce a range of lifeguard-themed organic cotton T-shirts, emblazoned with "Save The Sea", to spread the message about the damage illegal pirate fishing is doing to the world's oceans." [Vogue UK]
• Oscar de la Renta sues Elizabeth Arden over perfume shenanigans. [WWD]
• Runners-up in a duct tame prom dress competition demand a recount, I refuse to use the words "sticky situation." [UPI]
• China is a new source for young fashion talent. [Wall Street Journal]
• "Thursday Styles" discovers that denim is big! [New York Times]
• Concert tees go green. "Fabrics are softer, with organic cotton often supplanting synthetics. Shirts are U.S.-made or crafted in factories that uphold fair labor standards." [USA Today]
• Totally missing the point, The Guardian asks, "who can afford couture?" [Guardian]
• That douche who didn't win America's Most Smartest Model has been cleared of all sexual assault charges. [Page Six]
• Pre-Olympics, Adidas steps up Beijing presence. [WWD]
• Agent Provocateur-designed car (hint:it's pink and black) sells for like 70 grand. [Sassybella]
• Finnish-gnome-David Marrimekko versus big Italian Goliath Dolce and Gabbanna. [Breitbart]
• Goody's expands Ashley Judd line to include plus sizes. [WWD]
• Designer Rachel Roy teams with Grey Goose vodka. So has the bum on my corner! Well, I don't know if it's Grey Goose. [Vogue UK]

• Nas wrote a song about Barack Obama and sampled Tupac. I couldn't figure out what the fuck Tupac was saying but I finally found the lyrics and apparently it's "Although it seems heaven-sent we ain't ready to have a black president." Then Nas references Calvin Coolidge to remind you, oh yeah, maybe we have gotten a little less racist since Tupac "died", which got me wondering, has hip-hop gotten less misogynist since Oochie Wally Wally? [XXL]
• Yeah and meanwhile some people who have not gotten less racist since the nineties work for the Clinton campaign, according to erstwhile Hillary supporter Rob Andrews, who now says her campaign was…well, uh, it's kind of vague, but whatever it was, it didn't work out, so I guess I should just move on to… [NJ]
• How it was a bad day out in the economy. The unemployment rate hit 5.5%, which is pretty bad when you consider how many people hate their jobs — unrelated: was anyone else unaware that the world's highest jobless rate belongs to Nauru? — and it was the biggest month-to-month rise in 22 years. Just in time for graduation! And, you know, the Dow fell 400 points and oil futures rose eleven bucks. [WSJ]

• There is an upside to all this for our country: and it's called wasting fewer resources. I know you probably thought that day would never come in this country, but I never thought Chuck Krauthammer would write something I agreed with. [Washington Post]
• Clint Eastwood and Spike Lee are having beef over the latter's two year old movie Flags Of Our Fathers, a movie (here's a David Denby review) I would like to have seen before weighing in) but like, isn't the whole point of Clint Eastwood is that he's trying to convey what actually happened, from all perspectives? I mean, he didn't have to make that follow-up about how the the Japs saw things, you know? (Yeah yeah yeah, joke.) Seriously though. [Guardian]